Obesity & Child Abuse

[@disposablehero9968]

I was physically and sexually abused, emotionally abused and neglected. I spent an entire summer locked in my room with nothing but the top mattress on my bed and absolutely nothing else, not even a book to read. All printed words were taken away in fact, i spent my days counting the spackling on the ceiling and made friends with a jumping spider. I gained hella weight after finally escaping my mother and her boyfriend partly because i was finally allowed to eat but i didn't realize i was eating emotionally. I never tried to fix myself because i assumed that i deserved to be fat and felt worthless. I have a child of my own and have turned around my lifestyle, lost over a hundred pounds and am trying to set a good example for him. Nobody ever tried to help me through anything, i was always told to just get over myself already and stop being a pussy. I really wish someone gave a shit 25 years ago, but here we are. Nobody cares still but i know what I'm worth.

[@roanmangan7417]

Man, I don’t even know you but I care. Your kiddo cares. Highly suggest talking to someone about what you’ve been through my friend, it’ll help you and every other relationship you have.

[@ildikojakab641]

You are a strong, great person! I’m so sorry for all these terrible things you went through.💔

[@janetcrome5605]

I’m so sorry. You did not deserve any of that. You are precious.

[@s.melonita4454]

You did not deserve any of that and I am glad and care that you are here, being that vulnerable and sharing your story with us.

[@lmshanyfelt]

I had a friend who absolutely wore her weight as a shield to avoid sexual circumstances, including with her husband. She also had a complicated relationship with her parents. I always wondered, but never asked, if she had physical or sexual traumas that contributed to that.

[@JustJ-Me]

Dr. Honda, if you're interested, on the TLC show My 600 Lb Life, you'll often hear the subjects recount SA as children/teens. Most weren't heard or protected if they ever revealed it to a parent/guardian, and many reveal that they intentionally gained weight in order to hopefully be less appealing/attractive in an attempt to prevent more S-abuse. Just a suggestion to watch if you haven't and are interested.

[@alarizanevarez4356]

I second this

[@Uneekname]

I could listen to your voice all day, Dr. Honda.

[@St3f1]

:( that questionnaire really hit and brought back flashbacks of my late childhood and teenagehood, the being awoken with a desklamp in my eyes and hair being yanked over not putting clothes in the dryer, or a fork being thrown at my face because the jalapeno was not at the table when my dad sat down, or the u shaped scar from my dad hitting me on the nose so hard that the plastic hanger broke and cut into my face or being chased around the house and bruised by the broomstick because of a perceived slight oof :( not to mention the yelling

[@paranormalinpdx]

I had so much anxiety that I had bowel issues constantly so I didn't gain weight until I left the home, and that was from mirroring people eating as I didn't like to eat...

[@mamariahluz]

As someone with a high score on those tests, a fair amount of therapy on my belt and whose weight often goes up and down: amazingly helpful content! Thanks dr. H.

[@missbettyboop2509]

Yes it's a real thing..ive experienced it by at least 5 adults and myself encouraging other kids to engage sexually with me twice....I never thought it affected me until pandemic when an ex from 25yrs prior tried to come back in my life...all this trauma came back..I acknowledge that my current inability tp.lose weight is very much attached to a subconscious need to keep myself safe..to not be sexualised...

[@kfranklin926]

I haven’t listened to this yet, but definitely plan to. I just wanted to drop in and say our family got a new puppy Saturday and I really want to name him Dr. Honda. Honda for short. We would love for him to bring the intelligent, thought provoking, and empathetic vibes that your videos and podcasts project. I hope that’s alright Dr. Kirk Honda. ❤

[@nullusernamex]

This is so sweet 🥺

[@PsychologyInSeattle]

OMG. I love that! Honda is a great name for a puppy.

[@kfranklin926]

@@PsychologyInSeattle I’m so glad you signed off on this! ♥️ 🎉 some people might feel offended to have a dog named after them.

[@MNP208]

As a RN who worked in Endocrinology, a large number of our patients did not follow their treatment plans. This happens all the time in medicine. Patients will come to their appointments, but they leave and don't follow instructions, even though we send them home with a written plan. Sometimes they throw the plan directly in the garbage. 🤷‍♀ I know this is different than dropping out, but maybe we could call it "quiet quitting?" Sadly, behavioral health appointments are difficult to find and are too expensive for our patients.

[@mariahburns1900]

This was such a good episode.

[@Loves_three_kitties]

Dr. Kirk. Imagine believing your parents sacrificed you to a molester. I was so marginalized and abused by my parents that I believed they were complicit in my abuse. I somehow overcame my abuse through successful therapy. I managed to break the cycle by marrying a wonderful man who broke the metaphor of choosing the wrong life partner. Regardless of my adverse childhood, I broke the trend of a lifetime of tragedy because of my extremely low self-esteem. I realize how fortunate I have been to break free. Adverse childhood experiences are more pervasive than recognized.

[@_Blissfully]

Re: doritoes I used to have an intense sugar craving,it was just so out of the blue cos I've never really been into sweet anything. Then I bought 7kg or 14lb *I think* of carrots and snacked on them. It was great sweet healthy replacement of sugar...no weight gain whatsoever This episode was very eye-opening,thank you Dr

[@melissachinnici]

Wow. OK. It didn't even occur to me that sexual abuse and obesity were related, but that makes a LOT of sense.

[@emmadear3276]

We grew up poor and my caretaker always made us eat the whole plate even if we were full so we didnt "waste anything". As an adult I really struggle and always feel like I have to finish my plate and dont really know if im eating cause of hunger or to soothe emotions.. my husband comments that I eat like a man (the amount) and I cant help but look at my childhood and it being crammed into my head to finish every last bit. I really wish I knew how to stop it. When I do try to eat less consistently, I usually end up bingeing way more later cause I feel deprived. Really interested to see whats covered in this podcast

[@MathPiHanan]

36:50 taking a mental note for a future Tough or Bluff lol

[@JustJ-Me]

Dr. Honda (or anyone who knows)- as far as the ACES-Aware Test, in question #2 about Losing A Parent in particular ways, I'm wondering if that can include a parent who is technically in the home (lived with us) but chose to be out of the home/away from the family as much as possible and when they were home they were unavailable in just about every way- they might as well have not even been there? Ex: My dad "confided in me sometime after my mom passed away that he wishes he would have spent more time with my brother & I while we were young and then went on to tell me that he avoided being home as much as possible by working and finding things to do with an archery club he was involved in and that basically he wasn't needed at the club or work as often as we (Mom, brother & myself) were made to believe. [So much for caring about that, bc he hasn't had much contact with me ever since]. Does that qualify "enough" for Abandonment? My friends that I had for many years were always surprised when I mentioned my dad bc they said they figured my parents were duvorced, my dad had died, I didn't know my dad, etc bc they had never seen him out of all the times they'd been over and I never talked about him. I had to really think about some of those, bc some things happened after I had turned 18. Some also involved police, but no jail or prison.

[@JustJ-Me]

7/10 or 8/10 if that counts as Abandonment. Surprisingly don't struggle with addiction to alcohol or substances- was a workaholic, hyperfixated on cleaning and organizing and struggled with self-harm until abt 3 yrs ago. I have a lot of health issues that I'm trying to tackle but are causing me to feel defeated. I've been in therapy for many years. Also, congrats 👏🏻 and good job to Dr. Honda for quitting a 2pk a day cigarette habit.

[@JustJ-Me]

I really enjoy hearing about your life and experiences, Dr. Honda. 😊

[@annie_charcheologist]

I know you’re asking Dr H but I thought I’d jump in and say YES. What you’re describing sounds like childhood emotional neglect (CEN) which is a form of abandonment. CEN is broken down further to more distinct forms/types/examples. Your experience is completely valid!

[@Alayhoo]

Dr. Honda, when you say email in, does that include messages sent to you via Patreon or only through your website?

[@elder1656]

I hate venture capitalists

[@Transit_taless]

I thought you were done with these types of vids!? Can you talk about Autism and asburgers:0

[@elder1656]

He talks with a specialist about autism in a vid some years ago

[@Transit_taless]

oh ok, thank you :3@@elder1656

[@knuffelbeer193]

Dude next time you go through a triggering list of childhood events, just go through the list instead of all the running commentary. Just get it over with, there’s no need to drag it out.

[@excusesexcuses2927]

A lot of people are here for the ‘running commentary’ and don’t need the instant gratification of a quick list

[@007nadineL]

Yr in the wrong place Fyi

[@feliciamorales7676]

My ace is 8 🥹 Healing in therapy over here , it’s possible 🫶🏼🦋

[@007nadineL]

Mine was 6 No health issues yet God willing

[@jadek5822]

My family & friends that had weight loss surgery couldn’t keep it off & some are now obese alcoholics w/worse mental health & some starting on Ozempic. They’re not healing ❤️‍🩹 😢 I read ~Up to 1/2 of adults attending specialist obesity services may have experienced childhood adversity or trauma in adult life. I’ve been working on my trauma for a long time & finally getting close enough to loving myself, so now I feel like I deserve a healthy mind & body.