Psychosis- My Story and Regret

This is a video describing my psychosis experience and what some of my delusions and hallucinations were. I also cover my regrets and the destructive nature of psychosis. This video is meant for informational purposes only.

[@halloweendancing]

I had similar delusions and stayed inside during my psychosis - I was terrified to leave my room! Mine was induced by PTSD and marijuana use. Thanks for sharing your experience.

[@EnergyShifting]

The PTSD how did u get that ?

[@Melancholian]

Bruh if someone does drugs I don't have empathy for them when they develop shit

[@SadTurmoil]

@@MelancholianWhy do you call yourself Lord? What are you lord of?

[@Melancholian]

@@SadTurmoil its a joke, about the song "lady greensleeves"

[@NenadGrbic-bp5kq]

Same with me. Had grand delusions caused by usage of marijuana.

[@prb25001]

It takes bravery to share your personal story, I think. Thank you. I honor you. ✨

[@masonrunning]

Thank you so much !

[@josephlerz6889]

@@masonrunning avoid Invega/paliperidone that gave me diabete's

[@andredubenko835]

If your friends leave you because of something like this they weren’t your real friends

[@masonrunning]

Right, you learn who the real ones are

[@andredubenko835]

@@masonrunning hey would you be interested in talking. I’m sort of going through a situation with delusions right now I think. I wouldn’t mind talking to someone that might understand maybe give some advice

[@masonrunning]

@@andredubenko835 sure we can talk. My email should be on my bio.

[@lina0481]

thank you

[@andredubenko835]

never got back to you. It’s been a long journey. Was finally professionally diagnosed and put on antipsychotic medication. Doing much better. Just wanted to say stories like yours really give a peace of mind to others out there to let them know that we aren’t alone and it’s possible to recover or at least get back to a level of normalcy. hope you’re doing well in all aspects of life!

[@modernlunacy4341]

Thanks man. I appreciate it. Post psychosis is so difficult. My brain is mush. Just a shell of my former life.

[@lizbethgarcialopez6091]

How long ago was your psychosis ?? Do you still feel like that ??

[@kevinoh1852]

how are you doing now?

[@modernlunacy4341]

@@kevinoh1852 A lot better than a year ago! I feel more optimistic about the future, and my mind feels pretty sharp again. I think everything will be ok one day…. Maybe not today, but hopefully some day. I try not to dwell on the past, but sometimes I can’t help it. I just try to keep my head up and stay busy. Finding a new path is critical. Psychosis destroyed my old path, so there’s no point in trying reverse time.

[@kevinoh1852]

@@modernlunacy4341 Thanks so so much for the reply! Unfortunately it's been 2 years for me and I still feel like an empty, husk of my former self. I'm on a new diet which has helped me feel incrementally better but I still have cognitive issues such as not being able to concentrate, read, engage in conversations, or really do much of anything for that matter because severe lack of motivation. Did you perhaps feel the same? I'm hoping I get better, :/.

[@modernlunacy4341]

@@kevinoh1852 I'm sorry you are having a hard time! I can tell you that there are still days where I feel awful. The depressive episodes are incredibly difficult, but the number of my "bad days" has gone down significantly. Cognitive issues can be especially challenging because you also have to deal with the emotional challenges that come with them. As far as social engagement, I think you will be semi-relieved to know that I still consider myself to be socially isolated compared to my life before psychosis. This is where a lot of my depression stems. I have a couple of friends that stuck around, and I love them with all of my heart. I think you need to treat communication like exercise. Luckily, one of my friends is SUPER talkative, so I got a lot of practice with his help. I think it took about 8-10 months of daily conversations before my communication skills began to reappear. With it, my cognitive skills also improved immensely.

[@Eurafrican]

I am very proud of you Mason. I did not encounter you until watching this video, but I echo the others in celebrating your courage in sharing your traumatic experience to help others and educate the masses. I have had two episodes of psychosis as an adult. The first was five years ago and the second was three years ago. It was hell on earth... the worst experiences of my life. It traumatised both myself and my family. I experienced a very severe suicidal depression after my first episode. Thankfully, I survived it all. Like you Mason, and probably many others reading this, I struggled with shame for a long time afterward. My Dad, a very wise and eminent journalist in his country of origin, said to me "Prince Harry isn't ashamed of his mental health problems, so why are you?" That gave me closure and helped me move forward. Those of us who suffered psychosis, did not ask to fall ill. Shame is a negative emotion which often doesn't help. It comes from an uncompassionate social reaction towards our condition. I have gone from being a service user to being a service provider. I now work as a peer support worker at the psychiatric hospital where I was an inpatient twice for psychosis. I broke the cycle and I want to give hope to others that you can too. Thank you for this brave video.

[@alanhull-ii5ip]

Just been through 2 weeks of psychosis, scared to go out felt like something was following me and that it was letting me know by messing with stuff, also has me scared that medical professionals are trying to poison me ,terrible nightmares, seeing spiders , starting to come out of it but still have worry about being poisoned through the dye used in ct scan ,never took any drugs ever ,haven't drank much alcohol either, convinced I'm being hunted by some kind of force like in the film paranormal activity, by staying in it helps lessen the symptoms a bit .

[@anthonynicholson5523]

Definitely see a doctor. Good luck my friend

[@alanhull-ii5ip]

@@anthonynicholson5523 thank you

[@ambermoore3899]

Could you possibly be having adverse reaction to the CT dye you mentioned being administered?

[@laureeeee]

Thank you so much for being so brave and vulnerable. I have wanted to share my psychosis story but since it is also related to drugs and besides that I had religious delusions I'm afraid people saying stupid stuff and invalidating an embarassing and terrifying episode of my life.

[@me1648]

Don’t worry I had a religious psychosis as well. I saw god, devil and my mother who was my garden angle and so much more. Was a scary experience as I thought evil ghosts were taking bodies during the day and at night I could see so many people.

[@tamipark8457]

Hey, I suffer from religious factors of my psychosis and am in need of some guidance through this process. If u need to speak on it or if u know someone I would be absolutely grateful. My name is David.

[@janajaber4505]

Same here, my delusion was religious as well…i believed that the saviour have came and among his companions , and devils will target me and was watched all the time and many signals and so on….scary experience but glad i was chosn for it …i have changed alot and proved to be stronger than i ever could have imagine

[@justitittle9885]

This video will help a lot of people! I wish I found this video a year ago when my first episode started

[@brandy3573]

Thank you, I appreciate your sharing, it's hard to get through this state of mind and it's terrifying. My experience was similar and it feels terrible to think of my own behavior, deep shame is definitely involved.

[@michaeldeierhoi4096]

Good for you for coming out and telling your story. As someone who struggled with serious mental illness I can only say keep doing the work.. You have obviously made a lot of progress!! 👍

[@BalanceLiveLifeYouLove]

Thank you. I am feeling it today from PTSD. I hope that the fear of being around people will go away. All this trauma... it is too much. Each time when I heal it. I get hit with another big things to make it worse again...

[@samronyonas3886]

Thank you so much for sharing your story! I had a very similar situation and have been pushing off the thought that these delusions were happening. I still am struggling to understand whether it is real or not. But, with stories like this it’s definitely helping me come to terms with it. Thank you so much 🙏🏽

[@tomsperduti2967]

Thank you young man for sharing your experiences with us.

[@Michael-iw3ek]

Omg thank you for sharing what it's like to experience this from the inside ...

[@ruthbenzino8820]

Wow, so sincere and brave. I wish you a good life and a free and healthy spirit.

[@toomuchtalk5050]

Thanks for sharing your story mason. Someone very close to me is in the midst of psychosis right now; I’m praying they’ll seek treatment and come down from the paranoid delusions soon. Thanks again for sharing; really great to see someone open-hearted on this subject

[@sofya6553]

Hey so happy to see you've taken up running. I had my psychotic episode just over 10 years ago now. Taking up running was one of the best things I did. In terms of the feelings of shame and the complete disruption of your social life, wow yeah I remember how that was for me. One thing that really helped me at the time was my brothers' now wife said to me "what about if it was an interesting back story" and compared it to a rock star from her generation. That helped me a lot. I dunno if that will help you but running definitely will at least and I hope you are starting to feel better now

[@masonrunning]

I am feeling much better. Thank you for your comment.

[@loriejohnston839]

Thank you for sharing and I am glad you are doing well and continue to do well! Stay clear of the marijuana and other drugs because we are seeing this at high rates from just marijuana and they do not educate people about this danger, and many believe that it is not harmful to you or that this could happen. Best wishes!

[@Chichimee]

No need to be paranoid of marijuana by itself, but definitely treat it with caution & respect

[@ILikeTallMen]

I had a pretty weird paranoia dream one time where there was a dude outside my door and he was looking through the peephole at me. I can’t imagine dealing with that while awake.

[@wsp995]

My spsycosis starts when I don't get enough sleep

[@Susanmugen]

Same.

[@HabibeBoyraz-hg2nk]

If you struggle due to bipolar,the best therapy ıs DIALECTICAL behavıoural therapy.

[@j.c.2787]

Your Story is relatable asf

[@meanauntrena4667]

[@user-ne7zt6ft8u]

Thanks for sharing. I’m trying to understand my 26 year old son. He has schizophrenia. He in psychosis now. He lives alone about 9 hours from me. He’s not medicated. He isolates and is alone. I don’t know how to help him. I’m worried

[@SadPerson-gr6qh]

I had A 3 year heavy hormone treatment one miscarriage and one Abortion induced psychosis during IVF. Dr said its schizophrenia. I cant be hospitalized or medicated because Im pregnant. The moment hormones stopped to be given psychosis started fading away. Now its very light with severe depression.

[@jollyrodgertr]

Thanks for sharing

[@MEMO-KSA]

I wish the best for u, thank u for giving me insight, you are awesome

[@masonrunning]

Thank you I appreciate that.

[@aliyahcreations4575]

Thank you so much Mason. This is the first time I've heard someone elses story of psychosis. I have had a few episodes, the last one was all over the internet and 4 years on i still cant go on social media , i have severe anxious shame attacks..I'm journalling my way through it..i write myself compassionate thoughts and imagine how my mother would reassure me when she was alive.. i put her through a lot while delusional, and can never say sorry. Thankyou again, this is something I feel really needs to be talked about. Peolle laugh about their acid trips ....in a psychosis it's similar, i wish i could talk and laugh about my delusions in the same way. It has become very isolating.

[@ahumanbeinginhi]

This means the world to me. Thank you so much for sharing. My first psychotic episode also happened all over the internet and I, too, cannot bring myself to ever go back to social media. It was and still is torture looking back on all the things I said and did on the internet, shocking me that my own mind and body really did all of those things. When I learned that what I had was psychosis, it was like the answer to all my questions I didn't know I even had. And reading and watching other people so bravely share their stories make me feel a lot less alone, and comforts me that I'm not making up what happened, that I really do have a mental illness, and that everything I did and said during my psychotic episode is not my fault because I had no control over my mind and body. Thank you so much for sharing again. I am still recovering from my episode to this day, and continuing to learn more about psychosis and hearing other people's stories helps me and just means the world to me. Sending love and big hugs to you and everyone who suffers from this unfortunate illness. We can do it.

[@drycleanernick7603]

Hope you’re doing well man. God bless you.

[@drycleanernick7603]

Amphetamines mess up your nervous system so bad (at least, I think.) I really, really recommend looking into it if you haven’t, tho I don’t have a ton of experience myself tbh. Just an idea. Perhaps something like polyvagal theory for the vagus nerve and shit just cuz of sympathetic vs parasympathetic nervous system.

[@lucidsmack1694]

Take care, hope you're doing good

[@shahnilakanwal1457]

You are so brave I’m having delusions and it’s the worse feeling ever I don’t know what real and what’s delusions

[@nikicarrie4071]

Hi proud of you

[@harryroberts2074]

Thank’s for sharing your story, I have also experienced psychosis through drug use. I thought the CIA had planted a chip in my brain, and that they were sending me messages through the TV (aswell as the Chinese secret service), as well as many other symptoms. Would love to hear more about your experience and maybe we could make some sense of it together. I’ve dm’d you.

[@DJ42487]

I'm curious as to why what you experienced is a common theme amongst those who experience delusions. I've heard that same story of the CIA brain chip and sending messages through the tv several times.

[@ambersuzor9175]

Thank you for this video, very informative.

[@kt1696]

Thank you for sharing, you have given me hope for my precious grandchild.

[@dmtdreamz7706]

Now it starts to snow, but the air isn’t cold. You hold out your hand to catch a few specks of white as they fall. These aren’t snowflakes, this is powdered sugar! With a big grin you stick your tongue out into the air.

[@073p]

were you out of your mind at that time completely. thanks for sharing

[@GeorgeCoggins]

makes me wonder why we are feeding an entire generation amphetamines which are neurotoxic during their formative years

[@vivianmogensen2489]

🦋

[@yuppy-hp1mc]

You're on the truthful path. But u need to look at it in different angles. To find the key.

[@saranox7319]

My family wont even look me in the eye. 🙄

[@brocksprogramming]

Yeah drugs are bad, and you're lucky it was only a temporary psychosis. Mine is permanent unless they can somehow cure me or paradise comes and I am healed. One thing I have discovered though, is that nobody is perfect. People that are "normal" tend have their own shortcomings.

[@ThulungaBasumatary-cq5qi]

I had the same psychosis with You

[@loriejohnston839]

Do you still have psychosis symptoms such as voices but they are faint? What type of medication if any do you take? My son needed Clozapine to help his symptoms, but his motivation is low to get out and take those next steps possibly taking a class with the help of the disability office, or even start out with a part-time job. I know this is best for him to do because it does help your recovery.

[@tamipark8457]

Is there anyone to talk to on this sort of thing. I am going through a very difficult time right this momment, all momments. Anyone?

[@jeanpaultongeren125]

I had psychosis 7 times now

[@ashkiratdhillon7579]

How much time it took for you to recover from psychosis and the experience?

[@fanOM1000]

What is crazy is that people have the ‚same‘ psychosis. Why is it always about being watched by agencies etc. Maybe is it a kind of preemptive danger warning about what is happening to the world or will happen?

[@JaCapella]

I’m having a psychosis that I’m watching this video right now

[@masonrunning]

Stay strong

[@JaCapella]

@@masonrunning lol

[@ADBSDVM-nq1iq]

My son is currently going through this. He has been taking Concerta, an amphetamine prescribed for ADHD for a long time and since we are in Canada, he thinks it is the RCMP and local police who are trying to arrest him for crimes he didn't commit. However, he keeps moving from hotel to hotel to escape them, and he thinks they have his house bugged and he has taken his care apart trying to find evidence he is being framed by them. How do you stop him from taking the drug. He seems to keep finding more...gets them from walk in clinics saying his doctor isn't available to prescribe them.

[@masonrunning]

He has to figure out he is in psychosis and the only real way to do that is to stop taking the methylphenidate. He HAS to stop. Otherwise this will most likely continue.

[@ADBSDVM-nq1iq]

Yeah, I get that, but the really shocking thing is that medical doctors don't. It is like they don't want to admit that the drug they prescribed is causing the problem, so they feel compelled to keep giving it. Anyway, he passed out in the hotel lobby last night, and was taken to emergency at a regional hospital. The doctor there is testing for all other drugs...because you know it can't be the Concerta...LOL @@masonrunning

[@073p]

I feel like the same how to fix myself

[@masonrunning]

feel free to reach out to me via email or instagram

[@BeniMathe]

Do you think you learned something useful from theese times? Do you think your personal experience has existential truth in it?

[@masonrunning]

At the time, I thought there was a large amount of existential truth to it. Now, three years later, I look at it like a very rough patch in my life that I can't make much from. The truth wasn't clear then. Now I find spirituality through trail running and endurance activities of the body.

[@janylovesvietmusic2160]

Everyone has mental health problems. I have lots to say about this. Do u think everyone have mental illness? Because I do think they do. Mental health is a problem that messed up our brains that wants to speak what we wanted and wanted to do something that can hurt people, Everyone is born stupid and smart... Let me ask u a question. I learn slower than normal people who can do their homework. and If a kid who grows up knows how to become a doctor, Why cant I be a doctor? well I cant obviously because I learn slower than they are. I have to get injection every month because i have psychosis thats what the doctor say. But I see normal and think normal and didnt do anything bad... But thats because im in medication. (doctor say that) But the doctors can be wrong to that. I can control my brain again. When i was on psychosis I was hitting my mom without reason, I drove my sister car without license (Dont worry i didnt crash into a human or an animal) And it was horrifying and i was scarred to life and now i wont do it again. I wasnt thinking straight. I saw my sister drive nicely and I want to try it also, so I did, I did perfectly but then I accidently crash into a parking car at the mall. and I aggressively hurt myself because I was bored and got anxiety and play alone on my computer.. Im sorry for people who has mental health problems. and I will never get marry and have kids, because I know they will live in hell, I will always be with my family. :)

[@3Torts]

💭

[@TM450FI]

I think thats because the enviroment that we live in changed too fast leaving no time for us to adapt. People used to live pretty much the same life since they were born till death while now in a couple of generations our world changed in a radical way that destroyed western society, plus a lot of the problems that are now discussed on a regular basis (finally) we are so overwelmed with all the problems that were taboos before.

[@HBD777]

Kratom?

[@elkgroveflorin5223]

To help or did it cause you psychosis? Thank you. I hope is is well.

[@masonrunning]

What about it?

[@lynncomstock1255]

Trapped in super self-centeredness = Psychosis?

[@shane1948]

You look like the youtuber Sisyphus 55

[@jaycomayco]

What drugs were you using?

[@islandbirdw]

@@masonrunning it’s ok man You don’t have to worry people just often want to know, no one’s gonna come find you or anything. I think dude your still a bit paranoid. 🤷🏼‍♀️

[@datboyrains5657]

@@islandbirdw sicko

[@islandbirdw]

@@datboyrains5657 dicko

[@Unkn0wn1133]

@@islandbirdwmaybe he doesnt want the google, and the whole world to know. Some people value a small amount of privacy.

[@islandbirdw]

@@Unkn0wn1133 if they want privacy why do they post this in the first place? Once one reveals themselves on line, it’s no longer private. 🤷🏼‍♀️it makes a difference the kind of substance and how to effectively get clean and sustaining sobriety. 🤷🏼‍♀️

[@dougbenton8767]

They don’t deserve to have a good person like me in their life they are to busy trying to punish me for shit that isn’t a problem

[@brocksprogramming]

I'm telling you all these things because Jesus said, "nobody, has loved greater than this that he might surrender his life on behalf of those whom he cares about." In hopes that it is beneficial to the hearers.

[@brocksprogramming]

Really the lines are kind of blurred, because when people think they're constantly being watched it is sort of true. I mean probably most computers are a part of a botnet or have spyware on them. Then God, Satan(and the demons), and the angels also watch everyone, but people aren't really supposed to know that, apparently. If it wasn't for my mom I would have taken my life because the voices basically tell me that I'm trash every day. This puts me in a bad mood and then I post negative things online. I'll tell you that if you talk about certain things they will also probably blackball or cancel you. But I have much love for everyone struggling in this life over things they have little or no control over.

[@jokkesimola6955]

how can i help you to get 1 mil views?

[@masonrunning]

Watch my video a lot

[@divinegon4671]

Disregard my comment on your other video

[@Brody.W]

Jesus Christ of Nazareth..

[@divinegon4671]

You don’t look like a recreational amphetamine user. Talk more about your drug use history…tell stories

[@Inga912]

What does a recreational amphetamine user look like? Especially in the beginning?

[@wendyrock4260]

Don't read 1984

[@masonrunning]

Why not

[@ladyscarfaceangel4616]

I'm guessing that 1984 can exacerbate paranoia in some ppl. It's all about being watched, monitored, & manipulated by the government. It'll get gears turning inside your head.