PTSD from Trauma - Triggers, Flashbacks, & Dissociation

It took me a while to realize that some of the things I was experiencing were related to #PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) due to extended, repeated experiences of relational trauma as the wife of someone struggling with addiction. It has been incredibly helpful for me to hear other people's experiences as I've processed everything, so I wanted to open up and share my story of how I have experienced #dissociation and #flashbacks from traumatic moments in response to #triggers related to the turmoil that was ongoing in our home.
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[@Barbies1994]

Thank you for sharing. You are unbelievably strong!! I have PTSD and listening to other peoples experiences with it makes me feel less along.

[@lisaflesher]

Barbara Seirup ditto☝🏼

[@Izzy_Walker]

Thank you so so much for sharing your story. I was diagnosed with PTSD after living through several traumatic life and relationship experiences starting as a young child. It really does help to know other people that are working through the same things. I admire you and Cullen for being so open! Much love!

[@amylvandyke]

I learn something new about myself every time you open up and share your process! Thank you!

[@KatieOnTheFlipSide]

Thanks girl! I'm so glad it is helpful. ❤️ you!

[@savannahvick5266]

Katie is wonderful. All of these types of videos are so helpful and give lots of people hope. Her explaining her feelings to us and telling us how she deals with them and how she deals with telling Cullen is so useful! I am exactly like Katie where I get anxiety and very nervous about confrontation and Katie explaining how she can do it is very helpful. I’m so thankful that she makes these types of videos💕

[@Babz-fx3in]

This hits home for me. Thank you Katie for using your platform for good and for sharing your testimony. ❤️❤️Godbless you, Cullen, and the kids. God has you❤️

[@warriorsroundtable946]

Talking like this helps people incorporate their trauma into their life story rather than being defined or paralyzed by it. THANKS for modeling healthy dialogue and post traumatic growth!

[@missy_7899]

It's like you just pulled all those details right out of me, I had PTSD before I met my fiance from childhood trauma but his addiction and behaviors that came with his addiction. As well as his bipolar and things that have come with that have added what I call branches onto my PTSD. Theres a whole mess of emotions that come with it and triggers...are so real. Thanx so much for sharing 💙

[@CandysWayy]

Katie you give me courage! You have made me feel like I am allowed to feel like I do. You gave me the courage to speak out about my depression and anxiety on my channel in hopes of helping others know this is normal and not to feel like we have to suffer in silence because we are feel like we are the only ones. Our feelings are valid and we are not alone in this. Katie you are so strong and I continue to pray for you and your family. Bless you from the bottom of my heart! ❤️

[@KatieOnTheFlipSide]

Thanks so much, girl! It's so scary to share our inner hearts and our struggles, but so necessary to help others who are being told their emotions are "too much" or not real. Proud of you for sharing your story!!

[@CandysWayy]

@@KatieOnTheFlipSide You just made me realize some of my anxiety come from my dad and his addiction. Humm... Now I have some thinking to do!

[@ginah-t]

Thank you Katie for sharing. You are using this platform so well. You help more than you ever will know. Most of us don't leave a comment, but go back with "Okay, I can and will do this". Thank you. God Bless!

[@NiNJaHealingJourney]

Thank you so much for opening up. I have Complex PTSD and other severe anxiety disorders from extreme bullying and discrimination at my old school. 2 weeks from today, I’m graduating from my new school with high honors and as a member of National Honor Society... with my service dog at my side.

[@emilyexorcismzombie]

My heart goes out to you, I experienced the same type of thing when I was 13-16. I'm 23 and literally terrified of a group of loud, teenage boys. Congrats on being a member of the NHS.

[@janetkeane9781]

Katie, this is not a ministry that you would have chosen, but you now find yourself in the midst of. That being said, God does not waste our pain. You are a chosen vessel. You are ministering so much to others through your honesty. I haven’t seen your videos in a year or so, so was a bit surprised. However, looking back I can see signs, in his eyes especially, in past videos. I didn’t have a spouse issue, but I did have five years of hell with my oldest child. All your saying I can relate to. Your sharing is helping so many. So proud of you and praying for you all.

[@khewgley]

My husband is 8 years sober from alcohol, trust issues will always be there but they do get better, it’s a journey you take together because you’re married :) over time I had to just stop being presumptuous and trust that he isn’t drinking behind my back. PTSD is real and tends to shoot us back in the past, which is scary! Lots of prayer and trust in the lord is what gets us through..prayers for you both!

[@alaciacreek4977]

It's so good to know that things will get better, thank you for sharing your experience!

[@khewgley]

Alacia Creek it does in time :) are you going through the same situation if you don’t mind me asking?

[@alaciacreek4977]

@@khewgley Yes my husband struggles with opiate addiction. He does participate in a methadone treatment program (which means I wouldn't call him completely drug free), but recently relapsed. It sucks, because we had previously put so much time in, and now it's fresh again. I hate it because otherwise we have a wonderful relationship, are still actively in love with eachother after 13 years, and have 3 beautiful children that adore their daddy, and I can't bear to tear our family apart, but of course I will have to if things don't get better. He's doing better now and back on track, but the trust issues are still there. We're seeking couples therapy to help with things.

[@khewgley]

Alacia Creek I’m sorry, I know that’s super rough! Church has been our lifesaver. My husband went to a men’s church retreat and it changed him, it’s then that I realized I was doing it all wrong, I needed to hand it over to God and let him handle it cause I was making things worse! From then on my husband hasn’t looked back, but we’re constant in church and we pray together about our struggles or fears and it helps so very much! I’ll be keeping your family in our prayers 😘

[@Hallz18]

Gosh, what would I do without you and your videos?! You and your videos have made such a positive impact on my heart and my life! Thank you! I have PTSD, triggered and disassociation with things that have happened to me in the past and what I’m currently going through. Hugs, love and prayers to you and your family ♥️

[@kristaebayless5906]

Thank you for sharing this very REAL, very PERSONAL topic! I have absolutely been there! I felt your anxiety as you were speaking about it. The interesting thing is....even though Ii’s been several years since my husband passed away...I STILL HAVE THESE TYPES OF TRIGGERS FROM ALL THOSE YEARS OF LIVING WITH THIS.... You are helping so many people by sharing your experiences!!! My promise to myself was to take all that I’ve learned and gone through and help others in the same situation! You are doing just that. I for one appreciate you!!! I don’t know if my triggers will ever go away, but I CAN say your good brain will eventually take over the bad thoughts and it will get easier. The more you work on yourself the bettering gets. You seem to be doing just that, working on YOU!!!! Thank you again!!!

[@scrapper900]

Girl, I have been through (still going through) this exact situation for so many years. The PTSD reactions are unbelievable and how the smallest things (sounds, smells, songs, words) that “trigger” you can take you back through this vortex of hell. It’s hard to not make them continue to pay for their mistakes because of it, sometimes it can be the “I’m still in pain so you should feel pain” feeling. It’s hard, it’s just damn hard! Prayers you both continue on your journey to recovery. Not only of the substances but of the love and trust. Prayers for peace!! Love ya both!❤️❤️❤️ Dr. Phil says that once the trust is broken that the other person (Cullen) has to expect you to experience these feelings....UNTIL. Until you don’t feel them anymore. The person that causes the break in trust takes on that role once they do the deed. Everyone has a different timeframe as to when they work through these trust issues so be sure you never put a timeframe on it. The person lying absolutely makes you feel crazy and that alone is hard to shake! I’m also going to say ...so many props to you for continuing to video your life through all of the hard times. I can’t imagine flipping the switch and turning this all of the moment the camera comes on. I wanted to crawl into a hole for a very long time!

[@BrandiHudman]

Yes. Please talk about this next time. That is the stage I'm at. Feeling crazy about everything and questioning all of my choices

[@pumpkin3731]

Thank you so much for sharing. I have been through a very similar situation and am changed by it like you were.

[@karrieg3]

8 mins in and you've already hit the nail on the head Katie. I cant wait to hear the rest of this! I NEEDED this! Thank you.

[@KatieOnTheFlipSide]

💕💕💕

[@barbkriner2374]

Thank you for sharing Katie. ❤️❤️❤️❤️

[@SwappFamily]

Thank you for posting this. I have PTSD from a different experience in my marriage but everything you said is so true and we’ve gone through the same motions.

[@lauradanatzko1854]

I can totally relate! Thank you for making me feel “normal”

[@kayylam]

Thank you for sharing your story ❤️ I also suffer from dissociation mine can last hours days and sometimes even weeks... it’s very hard. I’ve been working on some grounding techniques which is helping.

[@msklass]

Katie you always give me hope and courage your an amazing strong woman.

[@joytoyouandme4593]

This really clicked with me, understanding how things from our past can hit us at unlikely moments due to familiar sounds or experiences. Putting us back into mental turmoil without even having conscience recognition of why we were triggered. The ability to identify when this happens is so important for recovery. To pull ourselves back to the present and forcing ourselves to stay in the present moment, not the past events.

[@jessicamobley8847]

Thank you for sharing, Katie! I can relate to you but in a different kind of situation. My boyfriend has had many health issues over the past year and a half. Anytime he's feeling the slightest bit sick, it makes me so anxious because of what he has been through and the fear, even if the doctor says everything is fine and no cause for concern. I am a woman of faith that trusts God, but also human. I would really appreciate your prayers for him and me as well. Thank you for being so open with us!❤

[@KatieOnTheFlipSide]

That sounds like it would be hard, especially with a health situation. It's another one of those things that sounds like it's extra anxiety-provoking because it's completely out of your control. Prayers for you guys...emotionally and physically! 💕

[@jessicamobley8847]

@@KatieOnTheFlipSide Thank you so much! Yes, I am learning to give complete control over to God but it's been a hard process! Also, trying to remember how God has brought him through in the past! Definitely appreciate your prayers!❤

[@findingaway5512]

Very good video Katie. Is so true when you have situations that have happened the littlest things can I bring up those feelings. I even have had certain songs come on a radio that were enduring moments that my brain looks back on during tough times.... It triggers his feelings even if logically I know nothing bad is happening my body tenses up and I have thoughts run through my mind. Things definitely lessen the further you get away from events but there's triggering things can still come back... You never know when it might happen.

[@mikemcclure9918]

Continued: I lost my girlfriend do to seizure's she fell down five or six steps while carrying a paper bag of food, I found her body seventeen and a half hours after her death laying at the base of her steps. which really changed my life and not for the better. I am basically a prisoner in my apartment. Even though your situation is much different than mine I do understand what you are dealing with.

[@amberdawn1540]

It's nice knowing you're a doctor and you still go through " patient problems"

[@cozychaos9021]

You are so articulate and perfectly describe this! My husband’s addiction wasn’t drugs, but everything you said about your internal struggle was SO familiar. THANK YOU. ❤️

[@Cemommster]

Cozy Chaos same here. It took years (its been 21 years since he quit) for me not to think about what he was doing daily.

[@michaeljamesfloreswilmshur4354]

Than you for sharing, I was recently diagnosed with PTSD after the passing of my mother and a long battle against cancer, I actually just recorded a video talking about it today and I will be posting it soon. I wish you and your family the best x

[@TheCobra867]

PTSD is so powerful....its amazing what our brains are capable of. I almost died in 2013. I still habe triggers that instantly put my into panic and physicially feel like I may die.

[@cj3565]

Such an important topic and video. As a mental health professional, I admire your courage to publicly talk about this. As a person that experiences some distress and triggers thanks for sharing. Hey, I feel ya. Also, you have my support. 🤗

[@bethanydillon719]

Thank you for this Katie. I can relate to you so much and your videos about this topic. ❤️

[@ellenthea3530]

Thank you for helping me feel less insane. 😘

[@LifeAsAMom]

I needed this, thank you!

[@azblondi2730]

I feel the pain Katie..Have you ever thought about having different women(and men ) dealing with different types of addiction to certain substances? We all go to meetings and although the general rules are suppose to apply to all equally, yet reality can sometimes be different. It would be a breath of fresh air maybe to hear different spousal points of view with let's say an addict dealing with meth, one with pot, alcohol, pain pills or fentonal. Hope you at least considerate it. Thanks

[@angelawinter5477]

I have related to your videos so much, but this one by far is the most relatable! I love the way you want to have others show support for one another also. Have you ever thought about starting a Facebook group for the people that are on the same journey as you? Or some other kind of place that someone can vent and receive support from others?

[@KatieOnTheFlipSide]

That's a great idea! My only concern is that due to the nature of our job on social media, I know there would be people who would join just to "snoop," gossip, or be negative. 😕 It's really sad that that's the world we live in! But there are definitely other groups on facebook that are incredibly helpful!!

[@madelyncollomy4633]

I started watching you a couple of years ago and have more recently started listening to your life changing videos. I can't even describe the impact that your videos have on my life. You are inspiring and encouraging and have honestly helped me to start on my own journey of self discovery. ❤

[@jennifervieira99]

Thank you Katie for talking about this on here! I still sometimes start to shake and I will would sometimes I would start crying because of the fear of everyone thinking I crazy. Because I'd be sleeping and he would come home drunk and smelling like pot and he also was acting very strange and very mean! He would start yelling at me and accusing me of cheating on him! I would never do that and got to the point I was home all the time and he would check the phone to see who called. You know the random phone calls from scammers. He would say that was my boyfriend. And he would wake me up in the middle of night when he got home yelling that I was supposed yo come get him in a town 2 hours away and I didn't have a phone nor did I know where those town was! My family never believed me that I was in danger. It was June 2004 and it was my last few day's and I was done and I tried to talk with him. Well you can't talk to a drunk/ drug addict. I didn't really know that, but family said I had to work it out on my own and not talk about our problems! To this day I still worry some time if he will come back to hurt me or my mom like he was promising. I heard he remarried a 20 year old girl and he was 35. I wonder now if he hurt her like he did me, I pray he never did or at least she left him some how. I don't think I'm the one with the problem, because I have never found another nice guy. They all seem to be married. All of my friends that either had to get a divorce or one lost her husband because he died. They all have said one thing that they would have to wait for their widower! I wanted to find a nice man but dating really has skunk and one became a nightmare! So I haven't dated since 2014. I gave up and I push them all away because they all drink or I can see red flags that I read about in Safe people! Yes, we all have unsafe things about us but the normal things you can usually see if it bad news. I guess maybe I'm very conscious with everyone men and women. No I'm not the other way, I'm attracted to only men but its fears that keep me push back away. Is there a book you would suggest for me to get over this hump and be stronger for myself ? ! Thank you Katie

[@jennifervieira99]

~ I also was told I had PTSD from a counselor from the Women's Center but my mom had to correct me and tell me..." It's not called PTSD any more." I'm wondering if that is true or not. She said it was P.T.S..

[@jennifervieira99]

Actually my mom thought I needed to be medicated for be afraid and to try to snap me out of how I have felt my whole life with building fear.. She almost got her way but I put a stop to it. Shaking is not a reason to medicated a person its only to help someone that's depressed. I just wanted someone to help me break those chains in my life of fear of a man.

[@deanngilson1797]

Wow thank you so much you always know what to say to make me think about stuff and see how it is for all of us My situations wasn't all about drugs. more of him cheating things that happened around times of him cheating

[@geriflood5232]

I haven't finished this video yet but it suffer from PTSD from trauma from several things but some of it is from an abusive relationship in the past and boy it's taken a very long time to unpack and recover. I started keeping a trigger journal. Every time I would feel angry/stressed I would write down all my feelings and list anything that had happened recently and it helped me so much to make sense of my emotional responses and be able to move beyond them faster. I had triggers that I didn't even know where triggers! I'm sorry you are experiencing this, but with intentional work it does get so much better. Also I have just started sharing more with my BF about some triggers because I didn't realize my reactions we're effecting him. It's been so helpful and you helped inspire me to do that! Also dissociation sucks. I get it really bad. Sending love and happy thoughts ❤️

[@KatieOnTheFlipSide]

Thank you so much for sharing this! That is a great suggestion to write down things that happened prior to feeling angry/stressed...I need to start doing that. I often assume it's just because I'm being over-sensitive or irritable, but reading you say that is making me realize how a situation yesterday was actually caused by a trigger that I had not even realized until right now! Even after editing this video about triggers. 🙈 Thanks so much for sharing! 💕

[@geriflood5232]

@@KatieOnTheFlipSide it takes a long time to under your triggers because for the longest time it seems like we just excuse them for feeling annoyed/upset/dissociated for no particular reason. Or we're tired, pmsing whatever. But after I started writing this down all the time, I learned SO much and you can start seeing your patterns and find ways to share with Cullen too so he is more in the know. My BF knows my triggers so well now, he calls them out before me sometimes 🤷

[@cynthiab3168]

Keeping a trigger journal is SO smart! I've been in therapy for years and years for CPTSD and an eating disorder and never heard of that... Though maybe it's similar to a behavior chain analysis?

[@geriflood5232]

@@cynthiab3168 I also have CPTSD and I started keeping it myself. I would write down the feelings I had, then any memory I might had with the same feelings and then I'd write down whatever had happened that day or even a few days before. And then I would write down how the event that happened recently was different than any trauma experiences and eventually my brain got used to separating the trigger responses from the current issue and past experiences. So incredibly helpful. I found even simple things like my bf not responding after I texted a question could set me off because it was similar to controlling behavior I had dealt with in a previous relationship and when I recognized that my current bf just has a busy job and my ex bf was purposely ignoring me, it helped me move through the feelings quicker. I hope you find some tools that help with the CPTSD. It's just a journey working through it!

[@dsf114]

I hear you, Katie. My father was an abusive alcoholic and chain smoker who took out his frustrations and meanness on my mother at least twice a week. He would drink and drink and smoke until he worked himself up to a rage, then accuse her of all kinds of lies while hitting her. I was so afraid of him and grew to hate him. When I began dating my husband, first thing I said to him was I hate cigarettes so if you want to date me, you have to quit, and if you ever touch me, I'm out of here. I am now in my 60's and only in my 50's did I heal from the ptsd (with help). If someone drank a second drink, I used to immediately get a stomach ache just like I did as a kid hiding in my room during the violence. Flashback. I hated watching people drink, let alone get drunk. The sound of someone lighting up upset me. Hearing ice in a drink did me in. Smoke still sends me back but I don't stay there and it doesn't bother me except I still hate the smell. Fear and triggers drove me hard. I finally decided and made the choice to not allow fear to be the boss of me. It doesn't get to run my life. I choose to live in the present where I currently reside, not the past nor my imagined undesireable future. I also began to understand the issues my father had were his from his own childhood, not anyone's else's, and I could see he did not know how to handle the memories and emotions it caused so this was his way of coping. It's not easy to heal, but doable. You can do it, Katie! Two steps forward, one step back is still progress.

[@lynetteeaster1541]

Thank you so much Katie it has been 7 yrs and I at times still feel just like you explained that tense feeling at times. Thank you and I hope you will continue with these videos .

[@SHurd-rc2go]

PTSD from alcoholic parents; onto alcoholic husbands. Classic, right? Triggers occured being around friends, who drink too much and get mouthy. No more. Don't need it. Too far along my life's journey. Thank you, young, but wise, lady.

[@wolfprincess027]

I'm not sure that I necessarily have PTSD, but I do have a lot of call-back moments to a time a couple years ago that has caused a significant trust issue in my marriage. Some of those times I feel like I'm holding a grudge, not letting it go/moving on, etc, but other times I tell myself this is something that will probably happen for a long time and I need to get through the moment and get on with my day. It's good to know that's not weird and it's not me drudging it up on purpose. Thanks, Katie, and I will be praying for you guys.

[@amielawson8344]

Fellow PTSD survivor here. I understand and relate to this more then words can express. Mine stems from childhood trauma and then adult medical trauma. I always thought I had it, but felt guilty saying it. I saw a therapist to be evaluated for something else that it all came out. A lifetime of holding everything in and it poured out of me like a bathtub that was overflowing. That was the moment my life changed and I started down a different path of healing, learning and growing. It is a journey that I don’t think will ever be over, but every step forward is progress and I am proud of that. I do still have those moments where it surprises me like what you were talking about. It’s hard.

[@beccacarson116]

Amie Lawson Same!! Hugs!!

[@emilyexorcismzombie]

I have not been diagnosed with PTSD but I have an anxiety disorder that I was diagnosed with in childhood. I have experienced some symptoms of possible PTSD due to severe bullying I went through from ages 13-16. I was bullied for my looks because I had braces which pushed my already thick lips out more and people would call me "fish lips" and "duck lips" and quack at me in the hallways in high school. When I was 13 it was at its worst as I was bullied by 20 13 year old boys all at the same time in every shape and form for the way I looked. For the longest time, if I heard someone make a noise that sounds like a quacking noise it immediately triggered a panic attack. If I see one of my old bullies in public (which isnt often at all, its happened maybe a few times) I immediately feel panicked and upset. Also im now 23 and if im walking somewhere alone or even with my mom and there is a group of loud teenage boys, I can't walk by them. It makes me feel so scared, even if they're like 13-14. The only time I feel okay walking by a group of teenage boys is if I have my 6ft 4, 220lb, tattoo covered boyfriend with me. I dont struggle often but there is moments where I re-live the nightmares that occured 8-10 years ago.The only reason I am still here is I want to be a mom someday. It was a very dark time for me and thats the only thing that kept me going. I also have depression and ADHD and there is so many times where im not mentally there. Praying for good mental health for you Katie, it isnt easy

[@judidunham5037]

Have you ever wished you could just have a small case of amnesia? I do. I can totally relate to PTSD. I’ve suffered from that for years because of my past. I’m not sure it ever goes away. Association stays with you for I’m not sure how long, but it appears PTSD is going to outlive me. PLEASE talk about this more, Katie. I’m sure many MANY people can relate to it on some level. 👍🏼

[@mikemcclure9918]

I'm sorry to hear that you are dealing with PTSD symptoms, I deal with the same thing. PTSD is a hard thing to deal with, & I feel what you are saying. Ok? I have basically loss all my friends because of my PTSD symptoms, which is really difficult I feel like I have no one to talk to about anything except my counselor,

[@annielarsson8367]

Thank you for sharing! I have ptsd from multiple traumas in my life, but I was always kind of in denial because like you said, when I thought of PTSD I think of veterans going through awful things. I felt like my trauma wasn’t traumatic enough for PTSD almost. But of late I’ve been really coming to terms with it. I experience a lot of the disassociation, or if someone brushes up against me it can send my anxiety flying. It’s hard, but hearing other people and knowing you aren’t alone is very helpful ❤️

[@jessicarossman1649]

I'm so glad I finally decided to take the leap and start looking for resources and help. This message is exactly for me, and exactly how I feel about my situation with my husband. All of your messages about you and your process of recovery as well as listening to your husband has been extremely helpful!! I'm excited to use some of the tools you've talked about to help our relationship. Thank you!

[@Youngone-mb1yc]

Katie watch the Christian movie The War Room. Prayer works miracles. It helped me when I went thru ptsd. I told Jesus on them and my faith was built in watching Jesus work. 😘😘😘😘❤❤❤❤

[@mek0182]

Katie, what kind of therapy did you receive to come as far as you did? I have been thinking of seeing a psychologist for a while now for some ocd/ptsd/anxiety issues I’ve had for a long time. Your attitude makes me want to better myself! A lot of my issues hole me back in life. It’s promising to see how well therapy has helped you.

[@bandme796]

My dad passed away in 2002 of heart disease when my daughter was 5. He was a recovering alcoholic and a heavy smoker. He continued to smoke even after multiple heart attacks! I would often wake up in the night to him coughing so hard he couldn't catch his breath. I would run out of my room and do anything I could to help him stop coughing and be able to breathe well again. On my 17th birthday I was getting ready to have friends over for a big pool party when he had a heart attack right in front of me. I called 911 and waited for the paramedics with him laying on the kitchen floor. I was so traumatized I could barely tell the paramedics what was wrong. I had to call my mom at work and I was just beside myself trying to explain that she needed to go to the hospital. When I was pregnant with my daughter his heart stopped while undergoing a procedure to put stints in his arteries. They had to shock him to get his heart going again. I don't know exactly what happened in the OR, but my assumption has always been that the electricity went through his body and caused a burn on his back by his shoulder. It was so bad that we had to have wound care come into our home for months to treat his burn. I begged him for years to stop smoking, eat better and exercise, but he would lie to me and tell me he wasn't smoking anymore or that he only had one here and there. I wasn't stupid! There were cigarettes in the bathroom drawer, in his car and a few times a day he would "go out for a walk" I knew his route and would wait till I knew he was down the street and I would sneak out and see him smoking. The lying was so bad that he told me he was turned down for a heart transplant because my daughter hadn't had the chicken pox vaccine. I asked the pediatrician and was told that she couldn't have it until Kindergarten so we moved out. A few years ago I was looking through some of his military papers and found out that the reason they turned him down for a heart transplant was because of his smoking addiction. That reality hurt me so bad! When I hear people cough, when I am around cigarette smoke I tend to freak out a little. Even last weekend seeing my dad's cousins who look so much like him at a family event I had to step away and get a bottle of water to calm my nerves. I never thought it could be PTSD until I watched this video. Thank you so much for helping me to see that what I feel is not stupid or insignificant! (Sorry this is so long! It felt good to get my feelings out!)

[@deel2167]

Okay, which camera are you watching me through to know that I needed this? 😨 I literally JUST tried explaining this to my husband a couple of days ago, how I know that he has made awesome changes, but there are just certain things that bring me right back to the moments where he hadn't and it sucks! And the worst part is not being able to predict what will bring you back until it happens.

[@meaghanmasayko5013]

Thank you 💖

[@Cemommster]

All of this 1000 times over. It’s been over 20 years and this still resonates with me. I don’t think about his addiction daily anymore, but I just got all the feels.

[@sheria1011]

I have PTSD from some trauma in my marriage, from my Mom's death... It's nice having some others to relate to about it... I totally get everything you were saying and can relate on so many levels

[@polkprincess2714]

In my opinion the wife of an addict goes through hell mentally and the husband is just high the whole time....it really sucks when you did everything right and held the family together and it seems they have no consequences

[@iwantme1234]

I was abused sexually and physically when I was a child. Stuff like this happens to me all the time.

[@tooblessedtobestressed9715]

I work full time evening shifts (3-11 EST) and work every weekend (with Tuesday/Wednesdays off) so the Monday morning livestreams work much better than the Sunday evening livestreams for me anyway... Heather xo

[@margedavies2199]

Hey, you share it because you care! No excuses!

[@emilypalmer9624]

Not to be rude but I was wondering what Cullen's striction was to

[@louieandrea4494]

Hi good morning Katie.... I love listening to you because you give me hope in my marriage. Thank you so much. Always have You and cullen in my prayers to be strong. Love y’all

[@wheelchere]

I also have PTSD from having 40 surgeries and an angry husband. You explained it SO well.

[@ladybird7610]

Katie, I really connect to what you say and I’m so grateful to hear you vocalize these feelings, thoughts and emotions because I’ve been through a very similar situation with my husband and felt all the things but I’ve never talked about it or never heard these things said aloud and honestly this video has hit me like a bolt out of the blue. I feel validated and relieved....., thank you so much xxx

[@KatieOnTheFlipSide]

Your comment gave me chills. I know just the feeling of suddenly feeling validated and relieved and I'm so glad that happened for you. I had NO idea other people felt the exact same way or had the exact same experiences until I heard others share. Hugs to you on your journey! 💕

[@priscillaproud3092]

I have PTSD from my moms recent passing.

[@taraestrada2694]

What would you do if he did go back to how he was on a regular basis?

[@babygirlll429]

Katie you’ve been looking awesome lately!

[@normabaldridge6563]

Katie, I’ve wondered where and when, I would feel secure enough to just say publicly. I have many traumatic past events and I suffer from PTSD. I’ve been through treatment so many times and as soon as I get uncomfortable, I stop going. I don’t know if it will ever be the right time,but it helps when a platform opens with fellow souls. Thank you, The Quilt Lady from NM🤘🏼💜

[@Tricia1087]

Hey Katie. This video made me feel ALL THE FEELINGS! Just over two years ago, I found out my husband had been cheating on me for over a year. We have two daughters who are now almost 5 and almost 8 years old. At the time they were only 3 and 6. I went through a lot during the past couple of years and watching your video brought me back to some of those feelings. I'm glad though, because it's comforting to know I am not alone, because I really did feel like I was the only one going through feelings like that at the time. I'm so thankful to have found you (and Cullen) on KZbin. I'm sorry for the hardships you have gone through but am grateful to have you speak your truth for those who are struggling in silence such as myself. It's SO hard to trust again when that trust has been shattered. To this day I still struggle, and he doesn't understand. Thank you for making it easier to deal with, and for being a voice for those of us who don't have the courage to do so.

[@KatieOnTheFlipSide]

It sounds like the book Cullen & I both listened to called "I Love You But I Don't Trust You" would be super helpful to you guys both!! We have never had as civil of conversations as we have about my anger & triggers and his defensiveness as we have since we listened to that book. It was a huge eye opener for each of us about the other's perspective. If you haven't read / listened to it i HIGHLY recommend it! The book was actually written by a woman whose husband had had an affair, so there is a lot of reference to that type of betrayal in the book.

[@YayaBolender]

I don’t think that I can understand this situation because in such a situation, I would have run away with my kids since a very long time. It doesn’t help the romance in the couple for sure. Not your trauma but what he did. And once your trauma is here, it’s hard to go back to the romance as if nothing happened. I know that I wouldn’t be able to bear such a situation when it is happening. Maybe I’m not brave enough? Or maybe I like sanity too much? I don’t know... I’m just wondering if we can still love a man for whom we have so many doubts? It is not a simple matter... And the kids are the priority in my mind.

[@jojo.solano1315]

I think because she is a psychologist and she understands how addiction works she has been able to stick around and help Cullen. I don't think I could do it but props to her for working so hard to save her marriage.

[@YayaBolender]

Joanna Solano She is a psychologist??? I think it takes two people to save a marriage. I really hope that it will be the case eventually, now I’m wondering what is best for the kids... Maybe I put my boundaries and limits before being understanding in such a situation. Maybe I’m harsher, but when I listen to this video, it freaks me out, so I cannot even imagine what it must be to be in this situation...

[@jojo.solano1315]

@@YayaBolender yes ma'am she has her PhD in Child Psychology I believe. She talks about it in a previous video.

[@BrandonandKelly06]

That’s what marriage is. You don’t run as soon as something bad happens. She did separate from him with the kids for a period of time. She absolutely puts her kids first. Your comment makes it sound like she isn’t taking her kids into consideration. Addiction is real and more people than ever struggle with it. But it’s not hopeless. Cullen is working so hard to get help. As long as he’s doing his part, Katie has handled this with absolute love, Grace, and mercy...which is a BEAUTIFUL thing.

[@alaciacreek4977]

Yes, please talk more about these things, and help normalize it for me. For me, personally, my husband had a lot of run-ins with police, and now I'm absolutely terrified if a police officer gets behind me when I'm driving, and I'll just shake with fear, even though I'm not doing anything wrong. I didn't realize that I was probably experiencing PTSD in that time. I'm hyper-vigilant, and have even gotten to the point where I will avoid driving places if it's the end of the month, when our local police are out in full-force. I'd like to show him this video to get him to understand what I'm experiencing, as I think you've worded it a way that's very understandable, without being accusatory. Thank you so much for all you're doing with this series. You've been a factor in encouraging me to seek out professional help for us individually and as a couple. Things are getting better for us now as far as his addiction goes, but we still have a long road ahead. Thank you again.

[@jlb9935]

This has been my life for the last few years 100%. My husband recently (2 months) decided he was done with smoking pot thank goodness. It did exactly what you were explaining at the end of this video. It made me question my own sanity at times. It’s still a daily struggle to not jump to conclusions and assume he’s still using when I’m not around. I would absolutely love to hear you talk more about this. I’m so so grateful that you are being so open with all of us! It makes me feel less crazy and makes me aware that I’m not alone in this struggle! ♥️

[@akmarshall96]

I believe it’s called complex ptsd

[@brittany6205]

Yes. Please share more. My husband and I are coming off a crisis situation with my husband regarding substance abuse and your videos have been helpful as I'm just now trying to process through everything.

[@duckyone20]

First off, girl you look dang cute today! As I was listening Iwas thinking about this, did he even realize he was lying about things or was it just due to the addiction and he could not control the lying because he did not want to "get caught "? I have really related so much to this because I also feel crazy sometimes for bringing things from the past up.

[@michellemendez7393]

This was such an eye opening moment. I have been dealing with a husband with addiction for 9 years. I feel like I have lost myself and continue to struggle. He still hasn’t reached the point of admitting so it’s extremely hard. Hearing your story leads me to maybe having some hope but after all these years of separation and getting back together idk how to move forward. Your story is completely me. I thought I was the only one doing this. Thank you so much

[@savannahs.4702]

We are all here for you and your family! I am an EMT in the state of CT and we are currently going through state laws that are being passed stating that PSTD is not covered as a workplace illness. The leader of our company has publically stood up against PTSD coverage and there is a bill being passed against us. A few months ago my close coworker died from this illness and we are all feeling left unsupported by our company and our state. I am so glad you are here telling your story and using your channel to spread a positive message.

[@sarahandrea7232]

I really appreciate you for making this video. I struggle with a lot of anxiety, depression, and ptsd. It’s so hard to open up about it with the fear of being judged. This video inspired me to open up on my channel about my situation even more. I can relate to a lot of what you said. I lost my brother 8 years ago this June. I have a lot of flashbacks due to his passing. It’s like 1 minute you are totally fine and then the next minute you are drowning in emotions. It’s very scary to go through. To all of you who go through this, please please know that you are not alone, even when you feel like you are. Katie, thank you for making this video. A lot of what you said is what I am going through. Thank you♥️♥️

[@veronicahambidge906]

Thank you Katie.. Been through all of that! but unfortunately my marriage ended.. I tell you now you are one strong lady..I could not do what your doing. In saying that I had an extremely traumatic childhood on top of dealing with a drug and medication addicted husband and it was also done around my two small children at the time. Triggers... Wow.. Memories of all my triggers came flooding back, but I'm proud to say I've handled it well listening to your story.

[@emmi3785]

I'm recovering alcoholic child. I don't have PTSD, but anxiety and depression. There have been so many times in last year, when I have started to dissociate during dance class, because teachers voice is bit demanding. My dissociation manifests itself usually as difficulty to concentrate and difficulty to focus sight. Nowadays, my anxiety is released often in dance class, because couples dancing is best kind of mindfulness. So, half of the class I can't participate, because I'm crying.

[@regansmith1041]

My situation was from trauma unrelated to my fiancé and I’ve been looking for a video that will help him understand what I experience. This is so helpful you explained it so well!

[@darleneramsey4475]

Been there done that. It's been about 10 years and I still have those thoughts. I don' t know if this is something that you ever get over. I sometimes feel crazy, though logically I know that I'm not. Prayers for you and your family and I would appreciate your prayers as well.

[@lisaneeds744]

Thank you Katie! This video has hit so many areas for me and given me the realisation of why I may have been feeling the way I have. I've had quite alot of trauma over the last few months. I have alot of feelings of dissociation and im constantly questioning why am I feeling this way! I have lost count how many times I've questioned my sanity. Please please keep these videos coming, it's a massive form of clarity for any of us following you that is dealing any form of trauma! ♥️

[@melissacarter2868]

I haven’t experienced what you have, but I appreciate you sharing these thoughts as you go through this journey. You’re amazing. 💕

[@stashaaddison5430]

I have ptsd/ flashbacks from childhood trauma and I truly now how difficult it is! Sorry you have to go through this Katie!

[@mrsthomas1989]

Thank you so much for sharing. My mom is manic depressive and a recovering alcoholic. We are trying to rebuild a healthy relationship. I have 2 young kids that love their Nana and don’t understand why sometimes we can’t go to their grandparents house. I know that this we be an ongoing journey that will have many ups and downs, even if she remains sober for a long time.

[@marlasturgill8306]

Thank you Katie I too know just what your saying and I’ve been through it just like you and yes there is hope.. We just have to pray for each other and lift one another up..You are inspiration too a lot and thank you for opening up you are a beautiful person inside and out. Love you Katie🌸

[@devonsprain320]

Thank you 💗

[@kaylacurtis2564]

Katie, you have put into words what I have felt so many times and have not known how to describe. I don't have experience with addiction, but have totally felt the experience of not being present due to remembering trauma that has happened to me. Thank you for validating my feelings. It can be so hard when I'm having a great day and all of a sudden a memory will come up and I can't seem to shake it. I've been learning to allow myself time to feel my feelings, but there's a fine line in not letting them consume me completely. It's nice to know that I'm not alone in this experience.

[@danabrooks1566]

Thank you for sharing this! I have felt the same way being the parent of a recovering addict. The sound of an ambulance or a song and an actual place in a parking lot is a few of my triggers.

[@jocelynbrimhall1510]

I so relate to questioning my sanity after going through trauma. Especially lying and addiction. Thank you so much!

[@lifewithjenn1039]

I love your videos so much. I’m in south Alabama and I own a boutique if you are ever interested I would love to send you some goodies (no strings attached) just one mama to another 💕

[@lyndsayjowers7810]

Thank you Katie.... I relate to you on so many levels and have experienced very similar situations so thank you so much for sharing your feelings and letting us know that it’s okay to feel the way we do.

[@dreamergurl2008]

Thank you Katie for sharing and encouraging positive support. 💜

[@nancypeteja6560]

Katie, thank you for sharing this. Just want you to know you look absolutely beautiful! Glad that y'all are working thru this. 😉👍💖

[@purplesneakers3343]

💜🐢

[@brookej9010]

Thank you for being open ptsd is sooo hard to talk about especially to people you are close with let alone with strangers.

[@elliotelliott901]

Whoah......Lightbulb moments here.....💡 THANK YOU will so so much for sharing this!!!😻

[@KatieOnTheFlipSide]

🙌🏼💕