Do People TRIGGER You? CPTSD and Why We ISOLATE

[@sarag1158]

You're putting words to everything I've been dealing with my entire life. I've only really been conscious of this for the past couple of years. I cannot begin to thank you for creating these videos for people like me. I think I commented on another video about how I seem really normal on the outside but in actuality I am everything that you were describing in this video particularly.

[@fairlyvague82]

Yep, I feel you sis

[@ramushsteinuts9318]

i agree with the doc. what i do not understand is the way she lays down the subject as rare condition. every single person on planet earth is messes up. if they are not they are so shallow in their cheerful way of seen life. live here in brazil go talk to people makes friends and everything. if you a not fucktard, a soccer love, a small taker you are out of game. an example a person is lookimg forms of investment. if vring new possibilities and your expertise to the table they start hating you kkkk. like freud sai: before you diagnose yourself with depression make sure you are sorrounded by idiots . the price of intelligence in a deeper life is not among people. when i send them all to hell i bought two apartments learned a lot. it seems you need me more than i need you get it?

[@tomjames7713]

isnt this lady unbelievable? i cant believe how she hits that nail on the head so precisely. i find myself laughing at the screen and talking to her in complete agreement. truely shes a blessing as i have never heard the entirety of this cptsd message/symptoms/diagnosis brought together in such a way as to speak clearly to me and about my struggles in life! stay with this and her i think shes our ticket out.

[@rosyloveslearning3013]

Ditto.

[@tpedler3628]

Ppcooo pop p

[@keepmoving1185]

It’s easier to be alone than to be betrayed by humans over and over again.

[@watchwoman16]

Exactly.

[@lifemusic1980]

THIS

[@notwerkinginthishouse8634]

@nycowgirl34 i have to agree! I am much more happier now that i am alone, it was always some problems with others, always others have to hurry up and be there for them and i get quickly triggered

[@rick3747]

👍👍

[@theresaisgriggs5809]

Amen

[@silentrain9708]

People with cptsd have a hard time dealing with fake people, gossip and bullies.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Yep.

[@rudyklassen8607]

Exactly I agree with you 100% we have to learn to just walk away from this behavior.Rudy

[@photojunkie9916]

Yes!!!

[@rudyklassen8607]

@@photojunkie9916 It is extremely hard to deal with all a person wants is to be left alone and deal with life on their own and things would be good but other people don't want to allow you to do that.

[@kristinastukalenko3748]

And that's a good thing!

[@racheln8563]

I’ve often said that I care more for animals than I do most people. Pets don’t insult you, gossip about you or judge you.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

True!

[@btorres3875]

Or at least not that we know of!lol

[@maggie6479]

I couldn't agree more, however I'm sure my cat judges me. LOL

[@sarahholland2600]

@@maggie6479 Agree. The looks of astonishment & reproach if I don't provide the required level of worship every time it's demanded,are priceless😁

[@runningthunder6923]

Yep me too!!!! I really don't care bc people r full of crap or evil or both. Animals love is safe! Much closer to my pets than any human ever in my life.

[@BinkyTheElf1]

People mean pain.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

I know!

[@melaniebruno4632]

@@CrappyChildhoodFairy So do I, from babyhood.

[@TheUnoko]

Same for me

[@ericaburton5222]

😭

[@GMarieBehindTheMask]

Same

[@sandragnnll510]

I feel safe when I’m alone. Always have. I don’t have to ‘put on’ a smile/happy face, have shallow conversations, and I don’t get judged or feel like I’m boring someone with my company. Overly friendly people make me suspicious about their intentions.

[@FriendofDorothy]

So why not work on finding ways to interact with others without being hurt by them? These are skills that can be learned. You are not "safe" just because you are alone all the time. Loneliness kills more people than shallow conversations. I suspect you would not have clicked on this particular video if if you were really so pleased with your isolation.

[@nellieshoals]

@@FriendofDorothy I would argue what the woman said in the video--that the first step is ACCEPTING that people will be triggering. I think this is true for not only people with CPTSD, but for everyone with any amount of awareness. Once you start to accept that people are mixtures with shades of grey--things that you appreciate, and things that you don't like--it gets a lot easier. Good luck

[@whotelakecity2001]

Me too!

[@whotelakecity2001]

Shallow interactions are killing me.

[@sarahholland2600]

If you think friendly people might have bad intentions don't go 'up North' in the UK. You can make a friend for life at the bus stop there. You'd like London though: they'd step over you & carry on going if you dropped dead in the street: & speech & eye contact are NOT DONE. Even with your neighbour of 1O+ years😁

[@Xwaterwicca]

I don’t want to isolate myself but it’s my only way to not get hurt

[@hangukhiphop]

I want to isolate myself.

[@bonanonymouscrickett5231]

You will eventually let someone in and they will hurt you. Learn to roll with it. Don't take things too personally. Too much isolation is ruining our society

[@dmgsoultogetherness6667]

Thats a shame..im sure your a nice person.not everyone wants to harm or take advantage..try choose a safe friend at first mayb..

[@spawnsrevenge]

Same. Too many fake and evil people

[@amandaserena2007]

@@spawnsrevenge You're not kidding. They're everywhere. :/

[@reyad4265]

When we were banished to lockdown because of the horrid Covid, I was ready for the peace and quiet. I felt calm and so relieved I didn't have to deal with people at work. I felt smug about it. Being home alone, away from everyone was a dream come true. I kept my joy to myself because that news would trigger some against me. We'll be back to 'normal' at some point and I'll have to build up resistance again, against the ones who trigger me. Wishing everyone a calm end to 2020.

[@KooPooky]

Thank you, exactly how I feel. I love having all this quiet peaceful time away from ppl and the noise. I never want it to end. Just thinking about going back to how it has been before gives me major anxiety and panic.

[@CocoPink44]

@@KooPooky can relate

[@Jujufah]

Totally understand this. I loved it 😃

[@thatswhatisaidCA]

Me too!!! Now it's March 2021 and I'm trying to figure out how to continue some of the isolation... it's been very healing. Good luck, all!

[@annaread3829]

I feel the same way! I have loved being away from all the usual triggers this year. I’m not looking forward to things going back to “normal”.

[@yourenough3]

I've literally isolated since 2001 No friends nobody. The weird thing is I'm ok with it.

[@VriendaGanguly]

Saaaaaaame

[@VriendaGanguly]

Sameeee

[@michelledirelle]

Same. And I still open up to the good people because I smell them kinda. They are rare but there. I don't need more..

[@NetiNeti-gm5bz]

How else will you be able to reconnect with your self when there's too much noises. Knowing thyself is the most rewarding achievement a human can achieve

[@CatEyedGoddess]

The only thing I need is a mechanic, for occasional services. If you know what I mean 😉. But I really don't care about connecting with ppl. Don't need the ish in my life.

[@j.a.1239]

I’m 60 years old and I’m done. I’ll take my animals any day over humans.

[@jtrose6995]

oh J you have written my mantra! but even though its tiring to do this work for myself, i have not given up yet. 55 in 3 months so im right behind ya!

[@CocoPink44]

YES YES. me too.

[@colinbignall7036]

the more people I meet, the more I love my dog

[@brenda9633]

I stepped in my cat's cold wet fur ball this morning. I still love my cat but dang it, on my slipper too.

[@dm5129]

I am being gangstalked by the most vicious people you could imagine. They include people I work with. They will say hi to me straight in the face and accuse me of things I have never even though of. Then wander off and say hi to me again as if they want to force me to give in to their threatening behavior of admitting to things I never did and certainly never wanted to do. At home I can explore good people with real intelligence when I delve into material I find online. When I am extremely stressed by how bad people are it does wonders to watch animal programming online. That beauty, that innocence

[@acertree1980]

This isolation thing is HUGE for me. I literally feel like I have no one in my corner. I don't really have friends and I literally feel pain from this. If I do start to trust someone they turn out to be narcasists or flakey. Feels like I've been alone all my life and I really don't know how to change this.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

@Acer, you have definitely come to the right place. Healing your dysregulation is a good place to start.

[@acertree1980]

@@CrappyChildhoodFairy please can you explain how this links to dysregulation ?

[@GMarieBehindTheMask]

Me too

[@VriendaGanguly]

Check your astrology reading!

[@reesedaniel5835]

Acer Tree: My experience in this life has been exactly the same as yours I believe we are chosen by God. The Bible says those who belong to Him will be hated and rejected by the world. "If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you." John 15:19

[@infinityreaper4652]

isolation helps a lot. i naturally seek out ways to live life in isolation.

[@My2up2downCastle]

Spot on

[@Godisgreat-777]

Yes!! Me too! I didn’t start my life out that way. I was a wild party animal. Now in sobriety, it seems I cannot handle very many people. Now that my blinders are off, I can see and feel how really messed up we humans really are. It’s so sad to me. We were not created to be in isolation but for me and many others it’s really the only way for me to survive right now. God bless everyone here!

[@hangukhiphop]

@@prototype8861 ok as long as "in" means you're somewhere else

[@chrisremington8047]

@@Godisgreat-777 I was touched by this glad to know I’m not the only one who thinks this way and doesn’t want to act that way either (not discouraging) but we’re all people and no matter what happened to us. Strap on the f***in saddle and pull urself on that horse with all the strength u got. Loneliness is not meant for us. Love you all stay up & DONT THINK EMOTIONALLY.

[@earthdancing]

I understand. It I'd a practice unto itself. It is how I rejuvenate and explore my interest. Conversely, I am one whom she describes here. I'm do grateful to hear it talked about. Holding the fear, pain and beliefs associated with isolation are daunting, even older than this lifetime (for real). It is a coping mechanism that gives relief. For me though, I am a natural leader, flying into anger is unhelpful and unproductive. It is an old belief that is larger than many circumstances in which it arises. That tells me it is not present tense. I'm interested in being present, sovereign and self possessed in a healthy way. So be it!

[@Krypton525]

If you have CPTSD, one of the best things you can do for yourself is maybe try martial arts. It gave me a sense of security and safety from other people, allowed me to build some confidence, and releases emotions. I promise that it'll have an impact on how you approach certain types of threatening or triggering people.

[@bayleedm4336]

That’s a good idea......

[@Krypton525]

@@bigcitylittlehomestead Thats EXACTLY why martial arts is great. Trust me, the talkers and loud mouths don't usually last long in a Brazilian Jiu Jitsu gym. In my experience, the more of a douche you are, the bigger the target is on your back during sparring. Martial arts is a purely personal journey where you don't have to have a team that diffuses accomplishment as well as the blame. And at the end of the day, once you have a little confidence in yourself, it becomes a lot easier to not care what others say and think.

[@llm8268]

Martial arts was the best thing for me also. It is very grounding, feels amazing and centers you in your power. From a centered place of stillness, you are in your higher self and operate from there.

[@purpleice7277]

In the experience you had, would you say it would still be helpful even if you have to take the classes on video?

[@purpleice7277]

Jane S *yes!!

[@bcazz5202]

Parents actually teach their kids social skills? Who knew??

[@Crystalblue58]

Right, mine taught me to fear them and to isolate more- I wonder what life would have been like with normal parents?

[@GMarieBehindTheMask]

B Cazz I was never taught any of that 🤷🏻‍♀️

[@2degucitas]

My parents fed us, gave us clothes and a place to sleep, but if I tried to talk about problems...it was either "oh shut up!" or "you just want attention", or "you're making it up". My mom would occasionally state incredulously, " I feel that way, but didn't know anyone else felt like that." She was just as lost as I was.

[@Privatenospying]

crystal Blue I have had fleeting glimpses of it ...it just feels easier, more productive, happiness without guilt. Hugs ..i believe in a better life after this one.

[@ultradian]

Omg this is my brain. My grandparents raised me right, but I still have my shitty parents in my older years and I can’t talk to them now because they trigger my flashbacks so bad.

[@brunoboaz7656]

I used to have a tee shirt that said "The more time I spend with people, the more I appreciate my dog." I wore that shirt so much that I wore it out in less than a year.

[@imtheeternalscholar]

I’ve isolated myself my entire life. I’m 51. I still can’t do it. I shop rarely, and if I do, it’s in and out!

[@newtoniantime8804]

Have you tried to talk to a therapist about this? I did, each time I was about to go meet her I felt naahh this won't help I really don't want to go. But somehow I felt tiny tiny better after our talks. Anxiety can be controlled by understanding how and why your brain reacts with chemicals to certain thoughts. If you find a good therapist and do a full CBT program, life will feel less painful.p

[@annetteslife]

As a person who is a survivor of bullying people do trigger me

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Yeah. Bullying really is a terrible thing.

[@andreac647]

Same here...

[@annetteslife]

@@CrappyChildhoodFairy it is

[@annetteslife]

@@andreac647 thanks

[@ciaran134]

I went through a controlling and violent side of abuse and I can't trust no one and if a person comes near me I don't no I automatically hit defensive mode

[@rick3747]

I am an INFP, Highly Sensitive Person and an Empath so I naturally love isolation. Then add my horrific childhood abuse and 53 years later, isolation is a daily thing and a blessing. I interact with ppl only when it's necessary and I like it that way. Edit...Yes, I meant solitude.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

When it's a happy thing, I call it solitude. I like a good deal of solitude myself!

[@angeelee9277]

I am the same. I have had relationships where I was always the giver. I worked hard and served my clients with professionalism. You don't get that in customer service anymore. THAT I cannot stand. So when I do my end of month bills. I have fixed it where I now do not have to go anywhere expecting to have the same service that I afforded all my life to my clients.

[@chenugent]

I’m an infp too

[@unluckyomen13]

I'm an INFP too!

[@fayetoliver562]

@@angeelee9277 i get that...that's why I usually disappointed in those interactions.

[@CatEyedGoddess]

I’ve been isolated since I was a kid. I’m the only kid of a Narc mother. My mother hated being a parent, so she would live her life while I was home alone. When she was home and abusive I naturally avoided her by staying in my room all day sometimes. My room was my solace. I hardly was able to play with other kids, I could never have sleepovers or go on them, play sports, go to camp etc. I always had to be home alone in my room. My mother wanted to pretend like I didn’t exist. Once in high school and forced to be around ppl and socialize. I felt very anxious, self conscious and didn’t know I was an actual person. Every time I would go out, I just wanted to be home. Truth is I never really learned how to just been, to socialize, have my own sense of self, isolation is a way to cope and soothe myself. It’s apart of who I am now. Like I said, been doing it since I was a kid.

[@elsvanklaveren971]

I am sorry you had a childhood like that. God bless you.

[@CatEyedGoddess]

@@elsvanklaveren971 Thanks😘😘. I’m healing. I’m thinking of going back to school for psychology to help others like me. Lemons into lemonade.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Yes! Take all that good energy and ideas you didn't get to use in the past, and bring them into the present. This is a good time to live!

[@jenniferreynolds4233]

This sounds like me. Thanks for sharing.

[@zer0creative930]

I can relate so much to this. I'm sorry too about your mother. Sounds like there is trauma there from her past also. I really hope you continue to look after and value yourself.

[@Apricot90]

Sartre knew, "Hell is other people"

[@HeartFeltGesture]

"Wherever the is a perceived "other", fear arises." Non-duality wisdom. There is only ever One Person in the room. But yeah totally, people suck.

[@tricia-hj8bd]

I've spent my whole life in a cycle of trying to be social, being triggered, and isolating. I repeatedly found myself in abusive relationships with narcissists. I don't trust myself to decide if someone is safe. At 65, I have isolated so much that I do not have any friends, estranged from every relative, have not dated or had any dating/relationships in decades, and feel like I have to protect myself from the judgments of my children. I mentally understand my behavior patterns but that does not change my emotional fears of everyone. Being alone and with no commitments is the only time I feel safe. The program that she talk about is $1600.00! Why is healing and living only for the wealthy?

[@traceyarnaud8433]

My heart goes out to you Tricia. I have done the same thing and I am 63. I can't afford the program, but what I can do is read literature on complex ptsd. I had never heard of it, but it describes my behavior and experience exactly. For what it is worth, you are definitely not alone.

[@perfumepixie2237]

I'm now 43 and have no friends, but don't want any . Too much hard work. I've been single for 5 years. Not worked in 22 years. Don't go out , drive , holidays either. Having people around means letting people in. Then they can hurt you. Don't want to have to explain my life. I have harm ocd from abuse . Other people can talk about triggering subjects it's horrible. If you are stressed you can have nightmares.

[@maydavies888]

I can relate so much that I feel like I could have written every word of this verbatim... especially the last part. I have been traumatized since prenatal development, so how can someone who can't even heal enough to find work or a family afford the healing course? Again, our Catch-22, and it feels like there is the possibility of healing and hope for a career and family is available and out there for everyone except me and others like me who fit perfectly between all the cracks we slip through. Because our disabilities are invisible and we look normal from the outside. I feel like I am just hopelessly sliding down a hill with no way to get back up while everyone watches on, angry and disapointed by my failure to succeed in life.

[@maydavies888]

I believe I have the answer. It is so that human genetics can be bottlenecked. As farmers of other animals, we can cull (kill) medically inferior animals. Making healthcare unaffordable ensures that our genetics are less likely to survive. It is a way for us to die off or be killed off by the system without the system having to have any culpability. If we applied good animal husbandry to human breeding, that would be a huge political thing, so it must still be done, just under the radar. Basically, we are too damaged to be of value to society, and that is why we are in a position to fall between the cracks. I knew I was never wanted, and it was only because I lied at age 2 to save my life from my father. I am NOT supposed to be here. I am basically a thief, having stolen my time here, so now being sick and poor is my payback for not just letting him kill me and ending my misery when it should have ended. Same thing happened in the Spanish FLu. DNA bottleneck, and the poor, sick, and uneducated were killed off, leaving the survival of the fittest. That is how that looks in humanity in our "civilized" world. In the wild, it looks wild, and in farming, it looks cruel. But it is all the same necessary. Also, if you think about it, whomever has that much money is AT LEAST FUNCTIONAL ENOUGH to have a shot at getting better, whereas someone like me is not, no matter how much we want that to be different.

[@trudibarraclough478]

This is me too. 65 and carefully dating again. Being loved is a huge responsibility because it makes me feel responsible for their hurt feelings, especially when they tell me its my fault (again) like my sister does to me

[@dianebyron3832]

When you’ve been a kind loving giving caring person, and you keep getting hurt by toxic people, you don’t trust people anymore! I’m 66 and getting too tired to care anymore!! I like the peace I’m my own best friend now!!

[@latashakonopka1449]

I am a 54-year-old single mom. A survivor of a moderately abusive father and a narcissistic emotionally and physically abusive mother. In all the therapy I have had over the years, I have NEVER heard anyone articulate this behavioral pattern of mine. Thank you for this enlightenment; and for a strategy to overcome it.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

You help me know (too) that I'm not the only one! Thank you for sharing this!

[@resistancewriter]

My adoptive mother was a sociopath. She gaslighted the social workers into believing that she was this caring person who would raise me with love and attention. From the age of 7 (when I was adopted) to 21 when I finally managed to break free, I was her possession; her chosen victim. She intentionally made my life hard and difficult. She was sadistic. She felt nothing for me and showed no remorse for the hurt she caused. I self isolate to protect myself because there really are people who can pick up on my vulnerability and try to exploit it. It's happened too many times in adulthood for me to discern between people being genuinely nice and people wearing a mask. Hypervigilance is a resource. Keeping everyone at a distance is self-preservation. Am I lonely? No. Wouldn't it be nice to get out and have meaningful relationships? You have got to be kidding.

[@Bootscootinaly]

This video made me cry because the accuracy. I dissociate so easily...in a group of people who are happy and enjoying everything I sit back and think how much I want to leave and get away. So hard getting through the triggers that you don’t even realize are happening. Didn’t know the extent of my triggers and traumas until this video

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Well you came to the right place -- there are ways to heal, you know!

[@ThePowerBunny]

My heart goes out to you. I experience that dissociation too. Being alone in my room with no commitments is the only time I feel safe, just like Tricia so aptly said in another comment.

[@aprillane224]

I feel betrayed by people when they go behind my back, and talk about me. I absolutely isolate and get quite and mean.

[@thewaylaofthekayla]

me at work rn

[@karenpeterman2016]

At 63 I can't take it anymore. Just me my dogs and cats. Years of therapy and not much has changed.

[@lunatic8877]

After years of disrespect and manipulation I'm done with people. I dont have it in me to try any more. I learned my lesson. Boundaries. Now I'm boundried right up so tight u don't want any of them near me

[@mychannelnotyours]

I isolate myself.I love people from a distance.I don’t want them close but a mile mile away . I don’t talk to my family for months.I love my pets more than interacting with humans.

[@gjh9299]

I'm sticking with my cats. This does resonate with me. I chose a while ago not to be in a close intimate relationship, because everything made me miserable.

[@Crystalblue58]

My 2 rescue cats are enough for me! People ARE triggering, many on purpose.

[@lisawanderess]

I would have killed myself if not for my docs suggestion of getting a service dog. She saved my life and gives me all the love I need.

[@laela6289]

Yikes

[@angeelee9277]

I am sticking with my guinea pig. She has a little attitude but still loving.

[@KatarinaS.]

@@angeelee9277 guinea pigs are awesome!

[@ElanaVital83]

I always keep my friends at arms length and have gotten a reputation for being cold and aloof. I don't mean to do it, and sometimes I make friends feel I'm disinterested by accident. I don't really know how to do the "friendship" thing anymore.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

If you have CPTSD, it will take some work and healing but you can get there! -Cara@TeamFairy

[@Ana-rb7ws]

You need to find relationally safe people (Dr Henry Cloud) to have friendships & relationships with. And there aren’t many such people in this world with good relationship skills.

[@anon.decoding_card]

Friends are not made, just found. It's the moral of a person which makes him to be this or that.

[@greenstairs8850]

Ive never in my life seen so many people who I can actually relate to via the comments.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Isn't it great? I'm loving it too!

[@lizaholmes8854]

So true!!

[@tateparsons5408]

Wow! I'm 58, and for the first time in my life, it all makes sense. You're videos validate; that I am in fact, a square peg, who fits into a square hole. Let the healing begin! One million thank yous.💖

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

I love this -- square peg in square hole! Exactly.

[@rudyklassen8607]

I'm a 54 year old man and I too just discovered this sight a short while back and yes this ugly nightmare of CPTSD is finally coming to light. I thought I was alone with this problem but reading everybody's little comments I'm feeling a little better.I hope the healing can begin now but it will be a long road.Rudy

[@annaporter3442]

@@rudyklassen8607 We are not so weird after all?! Lol. Listen to Dr Gabor Mate also on KZbin. It may help you along your journey as it has mine.

[@rudyklassen8607]

@@annaporter3442 Thank you Anna Anna I will look into that. God bless and take care on your journey.

[@andrescarlos3581]

Aww Nice age

[@ashleeb2162]

It's not that it's difficult being around people, it's just coming back to my own space sigh of relief can't be matched.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Nothing wrong with that at all :)

[@MagerialPage]

The involuntary self-isolation has made it hard for me to build a career. I get triggered at work and quit without a real backup plan.

[@smoozerish]

I only get triggered by certain people that have personality features in common with my narcissist mother who physically and emotionally abused me throughout my childhood. It’s like I am super sensitive to toxic people and usually I am right but I 2nd guess myself sometimes. For instance anyone who has to be always right or criticizes others constantly. Intense people who have and high and low mood swings from one day to another or from one hour to another. People who are delusional and overly intense about their choices in life or careers. All these types of things trigger the hell out of me and put me on high red alert when I see it in others because these were features of my mothers personality. I equate personality intensity to craziness and toxicity because I have seen first hand where intensity leads. Abuse. Give me a relaxed, kind, gentle and considerate person any day of the week and I will be their best friend and give them everything and my love.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

I hear you. I had something similar. The more my reactions have calmed, the more flexibility I've had to enjoy people with different personalities. I'm also quicker to recognize a genuine red flag. Glad you're here.

[@juliawager8329]

@@CrappyChildhoodFairy im similar but my trigger is blondes, blonde women .. theyre my biggest trigger...all my exs ( 3 husbands ) ended up cheating on me with these women and my sister was goody 2shoes n treated differently to me also my mother was emotionally cold no validation from her, dad would often work away...i cant go out with my s.o. as a blonde will trigger me at some point if i see him look at her, even on tv i cant watch them with him ive massive zero self esteem having it drummed into me that im worthless means i never take care of myself coz i dont see my self worth heck i hate this i just wanna feel normal what ever thats like. I just know this is not the way im meant to be/feel.

[@lillyfingers]

@@juliawager8329 It is so tough to get over that second best feeling, I just want you to know that i hear you.

[@dm5129]

Oh you are so right there. Overly loud intense people I am super sensitive to. The ones that go above and beyond praising themselves trigger me. The ones that when noticing that I am not in the mood to be their friend turn around and start praising someone else. Intense mood swings and them telling their entire fricking live story in front of me even though I will not ever have the intention of them being my friend. Oh My God

[@maddygates9566]

Thank God I found it channel Finally! I'm a 72 yrs young lady & what u describes has been me ALL my life. At 15 I would buy a snack, drive to the kinda local park & hide in the bushes, where I always felt safe, & enjoy my food. I always felt shame that I was being beaten. Thought I was the only one. Thanx so much for spreading ur knowledge on this very painful subject Love & Lite to all of us 🙏🐈💗

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

This is poignant -- a girl having her snack in the bushes, just to feel safe. Thank you for sharing this.

[@dm5129]

I used to absolutely love as a kid to go out in nature when no one knew where I was at. Not my parents and not my brother. I would make my rooms in the forest, declared certain trees as my house, with my pockets lined with candy and it was the best time ever. Whenever I go into a park there are always noisy people. Point in case: I drove up to a nice park the other day to enjoy nature, just nature. A couple of feet over there was a car parked with someone who had their phone on loud speaker listening to some woman yapping for a good 30 minutes. People can not connect to nature and honestly I do not respect people who are unable to connect to nature without causing a disturbance.

[@traceyarnaud8433]

@@dm5129 I actually retired into the woods in Arkansas to heal myself and connect deeply with nature. No sounds coming through my windows but birdsong, crickets, etc. I never got that in the city parks when I lived in Louisiana which were filled with the type of people you describe.

[@jita14]

now i know why i still mourn my cat who died years ago & left a huge vacuum in my heart -but do not feel the absence of relatives who have died

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thanks for watching :)

[@mahiaggarwal6286]

I never had a pet because i always have a thought in my mind that how will i survive the death of my pet

[@amandagriffiths8280]

Isolation feels safe

[@moonsetful]

Yes, I am happier and calmer when alone. I do get lonely.. I do have a boyfriend and I enjoy his visits. I tend to ignore the phone and door.

[@nikkig3799]

I used to like answering the phone. I only feel comfortable with the family when they call and my bff.

[@jtrose6995]

my front doormat reads "if you did not call first, im not home!"

[@JW-mg1sk]

I need that doormat! xD

[@antoniamills3000]

@@jtrose6995 i want one! 😀

[@runningthunder6923]

Yes , these days your expected to answer the cell, ridiculous!!!! The door, never!!!!!

[@playgrounddolls7766]

For me yes people trigger me immediately when I see they are faking, rude and noisy. I just then feel I can't trust their actions so their mistakes can hurt me so I better stay away yea.

[@dm5129]

Got that right, people like that not only waste our precious time but they provide things we don't need to begin with.

[@joyfulone1816]

As i read the comments i'm encouraged to say that for myself, i've concluded that everything i've suffered was for the purpose of helping someone else up at a later time. I don't believe in coincidence, we have a responsibility to overcome for the sake of our fellow man. Humans with values have been practicing it for centuries under many names. People have survived less, some have survived more, we're ALL being filled with mercy for someone whom we may know, or whom we've never met who is in the battle of their lifetime learning to be an overcomer. Hey Warriors 💜

[@dawnmcfarland7011]

I had a realization similar to this today ♥️

[@joyfulone1816]

@@dawnmcfarland7011 ❤️❤️❤️

[@andrescarlos3581]

Yeah that's good

[@zer0creative930]

Purpose

[@ARA-ee9yr]

That‘s honestly beautiful. Hello warrior 🤍

[@BooDotBoo]

This video was so needed because I've been thing about it with the whole coronavirus and everyone upset they have to isolate right now. I've been isolating myself for over a year now (after my bad relationship), but realize I've been doing it since I was a kid, mostly because my family always made me feel emotionally unsafe. I always felt so much better being alone.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Yes, this is strange time for isolators!

[@stjudeprayer7]

"emotionally unsafe" a superlative phrase of stating this stuff of my childhood. xx

[@cmendoza9255]

BooDotBoo..you've have said word for word everything I have been thru too. Even the relationship part. Im 60 and single no kids, but Ive kept trying to get out there and not quit people just yet. Been battling food, substance and alcohol use all my life too. One day at a time.

[@janetwalker4634]

I've been mostly isolating for the last 20 years. When I retired, after a major case of adult PTSD, I moved to a small town where the only person I know is my daughter. She is often annoyed by me. The few times I have tried to relate to people, I have been seriously triggered by real or sensed criticism and withdrew. So I have no friends. I am actually happy though. I have 4 dogs and a cat. I love them, and they give me all the unconditional love I need. You are the first person who ever laid out what has been happening and who completely explains and understands. I am now a follower and will assiduously work your program. Thank you!!

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Welcome to the channel, we're so glad you're here! -Calista@TeamFairy

[@SofiaMy333]

It's really interesting to see the comments and how others feel about isolation. I have forced myself to be out there and to socialize all my life. For the past two years a lot has happened in my life and a while ago I just could not do it anymore. I realized that I was putting myself in so much stress and not letting myself get what I need. I guess it all depends on what the cause of the CPTSD is. Mine was caused by the interaction with people, it started with very broken parents. I was separated from my mother at the age of two and taken to another country by my father, who has severe problems of his own. Huge anger issues. He married a woman that was deeply unhappy with life and when the country turned into a warzone we had to flee to survive. We ended up back in Sweden, after being gone for seven years so I had to relearn the language and once again assimilate. I got to see my mother again but our connection was completely steered by my father. My mother was to scared to even speak to him and he did not want to speak to her. He ruled our lives and we lived in fear of his anger. My mother never got any help for losing me and my brother ( my dad disappeared with us) and although it's been over 30 years since we came back, we have never been able to bond. I also found out a few years ago that I have Asperger's syndrome, so you can imagine the complexity of the trauma. I am hypersensitive and have developed a psychological and intellectual way of understanding others. Every interaction basically turned into a study on human behaviour, both others and my own. As a child I had to separate myself from my emotions and only let my intellectual part move me through life. I guess my Asperger's saved me in a way. Human behaviour became my subject to study and dive into. For the first time ever I have been able to let myself be and not force myself to socialize and go through the emotional hell that comes with having to put myself through the trauma of having to separate myself from my emotions and my survival instincts AND putting myself as an Aspie through the hell of having to see myself as the cause of everything being so hard. That is what happened once I was diagnosed with CPTSD , Asperger's syndrome, ADD, GAD and recurring depression. One thing that I have noticed is how I get filled with anxiety and disgust for myself when I talk about or share something about myself. For some reason I am not able to rapp my head around it and understand why. I never really got my CPTSD explained to me to know exactly what parts of my life that are connected to it. But then again, it's so many different events in play, different genetically inherited difficulties , psychological and neuropsychiatric and so on. So now I feel that I rather not interact with others more than is necessary and that thought gives me peace.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thank you for this. Very much relate to the shame after speaking! Obviously, I'm getting over it (somewhat). But I do have to write fears and resentments a lot.

[@bbdn5123]

My oh my beautiful Sofia, you are loved. Thank you. I know you can achieve and overcome anything. Much love and peace. 💖🌟

[@123n704123]

I am sorry you went through that...you deserved better...we all do. It is just unbelievable to think about all the pain and trauma out there...

[@pantsycat]

Well said. Amen🙏

[@jameswelsh20221]

I honestly love your posts and always enjoy reading them in my lonely spare time. I'm so sorry I invaded your privacy, but I'd love to be friends with someone who could share such sensitive post content, which means you're a woman of integrity. I wanted to add you but sending you a friend request without your consent is inappropriate because I'm a public figure and it wouldn't take much either, I'd appreciate it if you send me a friend request now so we can be friends and text better here on KZbin❤

[@lalabyelulu4021]

My husband is socially outgoing, so in order to not look weird, I try to interact with our neighbors here and there. I decided to be kind and share an interest with my neighbor. I love collecting perfume, so I offered to share some samples with her. She handed them back and said she doesn't like those types of scents (sweet scents). In that moment I was totally done with her in my mind. In my mind, you're supposed to take the free gift offered, even if you don't want it. But I decided then and there I never want to talk to her again, and I haven't. When someone shows any type of flaw in their personality or character, i'm done. I have been this way my entire life. There is a big gap between how people really are, and how they are supposed to be in my mind and I can't seem to bridge that, so I walk away from opportunities to develop deep friendships. im just so turned off by people's ways. Yes I was neglected as a child and being left alone I saw many things my young mind could not process (one was an attempted murder, things like that and other violence, raised by single mom who was very busy trying to keep us afloat financially). Thank you for your videos!

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

You are able to so precisely name the "thing" that is cutting you off from people. This is 95% of the battle. The rest comes from a decision. Then we can step up and out of our hurt feelings a little, and assume our role as an encourager.

[@Mary-hx7wh]

I do the same behaviors and I so appreciate your articulate description!

[@jtrose6995]

i get it, im offended by ungrateful ppl and they are all around right? but also, to me, its like someone not liking broccoli, its just not their taste and they were honest about the scent preference...i do agree about being grateful for a gift but not everyone is grateful like that. im curios if the friend is still worth having just not give them stuff.

[@geslinam9703]

I too have been raised to accept a gift graciously, even if I didn’t like or want it. I would never hand back something generously offered to me -yes, it’s honest, but it’s also rude. Your neighbor could have taken the samples with a thank you, and passed them along to someone else if she didn’t like them. It’s not about the type of perfume, it’s about you reaching out to her, and offering her something that was important to you.

[@premieredame5711]

@lalabye lulu Hi there. Ok as someone who's on the opposite end of similar exchanges, I have some insight. There was a time in my life where folks would offer me small "gifts" in the form of used items, stuff they got for free, samples and regifts, an afterthought. And at first, I too would accept these items, but it quickly snowballed into this thing where I didn't have any use for a lot of the stuff I was receiving, I didn't like any of it tbh/ wasn't my taste/ style/ preference. Years ago, on my birthday, I received this piece of clothing from this person who would always pass off things to me and I would accept them graciously, only to realize that they regifted this item to me and intentionally bought bday gifts for other friends. Then I further discovered they ONLY passed over/ down samples, their gently used items to me. That hurt my feelings because it was clear they were capably of being intentional, however when it came to me, I was an afterthought. That is when I made the intention to be mindful of the physical gifts that I receive because it does turn into a slippery slope. The old version of me would have taken the perfume samples knowing that I don't like them, and threw them in the trash as soon as I walked into my house. The new me would have declined the fragrance samples and now when I see you, I'll say hi and be a friendly neighbor.

[@005Amergin]

Being an introvert, i really like being alone. A few friends is good. Ive learned that you can't lean on people for anything really important. So those deep connections may exist for some but are very rare. Folks just don't seem to have the time to invest. Our society seems to encourage more superficial attributes on the roads to success. Not my cup of tea. Im quite content with the quiet.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

:)

[@jmac7190]

I just cried watching this video because I have always been told I'm just weird or crazy because I get really awkward in social situations or I just shut down (sometimes I'm okay with "unsafe" people, but usually only when I have alcohol). This video just made me feel so validated! Thank you so much 💜

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

I'm so glad!

[@jmac7190]

@@CrappyChildhoodFairy ❤❤❤

[@dianadebrabander4822]

I always thought that the price of loneliness is easier to pay, than the pain of the trigger when I interact with people.

[@purpleice7277]

I have been in counseling and 12 step programs for 20 years and isolation is the only time I feel ok and feel like my true self. I feel everything around me to the umpth degree. I am reaching a point to where I can hardly stand to be around people other than my kids and certain family members. I feel so much when people are around. I’ve been doing ACA meetings via zoom and I can get triggered there really bad too. I don’t know if it’s my personality or growing up in trauma but I have a really hard time fitting in. I always feel like an outcast. I am never part of the cliques. 57 this month. 🤦🏼‍♀️

[@valerief1231]

I’m in my third marriage. He’s wonderful. He knows I need a lot of me time, of course I also have Fibromyalgia and even he notices if I’ve had to “man” up for awhile, boom, I’m in a flare. People exhaust me. I rarely enjoy shopping, and I don’t have friends. My last dear friend, who is 20 years older then me has developed dementia and it’s bad. She’s combative, and her family doesn’t want anyone around. So. Here. I. Am. Referring to YT’rs as my friends so my life seems less pathetic.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

A wonderful spouse is a friend of the highest order!

[@elisemiller13]

If you have one such loving and understanding person in your life, you are so fortunate. Some of us, will never know that kind of love Valerie Foster . We have been brainwashed by society & it's media (among the sources) to compare ourselves, most often poorly, to some ideal, or some "norm". Speaking for myself, this is the biggest hurdle of breakthrough to recognize that I am hardly "pathetic", only tendency to loop back to thoughts that I ought to be somehow different than I am. A person of great depth and much solitude. Who comes forth to do the work I love with people and has understandings beyond the realms of the so-called "norm". Pain, whether physical (fibro) or emotional, is a deep teacher...as I imagine you are aware

[@dm5129]

That is a real partner, the one that gives you the time you need. People with a condition that presents itself every day in their life need more time to make sense what goes on around them. Very important.

[@Marvin-ey4sq]

I suddenly understand myself so much more.

[@ShadowsMasquerade]

"Interact a little, get triggered a little, deal with the fears".... funny seeing this now, it's exactly what I did when I first started to recover.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Yeah, not all of it is rocket science... :)

[@juliawager8329]

@@CrappyChildhoodFairy yes but how do u deal with the fear? What practical things can u do? I dont know how. C.p.t.s.d. is wrecking my relationship with my s.o.

[@lisahurley1174]

That's so stupid get triggered recover a little.....stay at home and self care I could care less if I see another human for the rest of my life

[@hgzmatt]

@@lisahurley1174 Yeah but you are missing out. It might be the biggest source of pain but it's also the thing that can bring you the most joy in life. I can't imagine life without people even though I have plenty of examples of people mistreating me and few actual connections.

[@maskichef]

4:30 no. avoiding people will not make the problem bigger. there are professions that do not require contact with people so you can make money to support yourself and if you spend enough time avoiding people you'll see how the lack of stress and triggers will benefit your brain. after eight years of living isolated and communicating with a chosen few only through internet I feel I can breathe again. the silence is magical. .... and yes, I have two dogs...... 4:42 true friendship and a romance are mythical beasts for some of us. don't hold your breath for those.... 5:05 losing fears will not stop the triggers. even when you rationalize the fears and expose yourself to fearful environments the triggers remain. avoidance is the only cure.

[@katewilliamson4464]

Thank you. I truely feel people are toxic.

[@RoadRunnergarage8570]

People trigger me which had led to me being like a hermit and burying myself in my hobbies..

[@SuperKidPRODIGY]

i wasn’t raised by my parents, my grandmother raised me and she passed earlier this year and i’ve been finding people increasingly annoying... everything you said was completely accurate.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Hi @Asia, I hope you can turn that around before it becomes "you." If you're interested, here are the techniques: bit.ly/2pUeGYz

[@barry1369]

I saw someone I knew and immediately got triggered simply from seeing him. Sometimes people will say hello and I lose the ability to even talk

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Unhealed CPTSD can be like that- reach out for the help you need :) -Cara@TeamFairy

[@Oaktreealley]

Im currently thinking through this now! Im totally avoiding calling back some people who want to get together with me. i know its fear...fear of getting triggered...as to why I isolate. The bodily sensations are just so overwhelming when interacting with others (hot, flushed, rashes on my chest and face, Dissociating). It sucks. But it all comes down to (i think): i - don't - trust - people. We who had shitty childhoods couldn't even trust those closest to us, so how on earth would we have learned to trust others. As a kid our friendships are fairly simple, but as we get older things get more complicated. Im beginning to wonder if I have paranoid personality disorder...which probably a lot of us with cptsd would be dealing with on some level. That, and as i mention the crazy physical responses the body has to intimate/close interactions with others, and being triggered by their "red flags".

[@rudyklassen8607]

I feel exactly the same way my friend and it is nothing to be ashamed of just take it slow. I know personally that maybe 1 in 10,000 is worthy of being a true friend. Trust your hearts first instinct. Rudy.

[@VriendaGanguly]

Oh lord you too?!

[@reesedaniel5835]

A quote I read a while back: "It is no measure of good (mental) health to be well adjusted to a totally sick society."

[@angeelee9277]

@@EverythingLvl exactly!!!!!

[@angeelee9277]

there is nothing wrong with you. Did you ever think that "they could be wrong" and that YOU have a moral compass you must be faithful to. You see reality. I left facebook. No way I could take the flakery fakery anymore.

[@Random.338]

I definitely self isolate. I had a crappy childhood plus I had a traumatic experience with being bullied for years in school. With no support from my parents. I had friends completely turn their backs on me out of the blue in the 6th grade. I still to this day have no idea what I did. I even had my best friend ghost me in high school. And she never told me why either. Now as an adult woman. I’m married and have kids. All my socialization is with my family. I have a career too but since high school ended. 20 years ago I purposely kept co Workers and other people at a distance. I’m afraid of making friends with anyone. Because of what I experienced with friends during my childhood.

[@lifeisbannanas]

I don't understand why people ghost you out of nowhere. I rarely get asked out and decided to shoot my shot and got this guys number. We were talking for a while then out of nowhere he ghosts me 😥. I'm just so sick of people! I'm glad global warming is going to kill us all because I'm so over this shit called life.

[@Lemoncurdtv]

I relate to your experience and girl I'm literally gonna try to be friendlier and let people I despite being bullied and all❤

[@stephaniebennett7149]

Oh my Gosh! You just described me and my life! I live in the country on a dirt road, with my dog. I am 48 years old and learning about healing.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Hi @Stephanie -- as far as isolation scenarios go, yours does have some nice features! I'm glad you're here! You may want to look around on my website for tools to help your healing: crappychildhoodfairy.com

[@GodWokeMeUp]

I never knew about this.... but it explains so much about why I'm always avoiding so many people including my own family. 😭

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

yeah, it's great news that there are new ways we could deal with things that are hard!

[@siiiriously3226]

the writing exercise you showed made all the difference! doing it since weeks and it really helps, combined with my daily 20min meditation. much better than any therapist before helped me.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Yay! I'm so glad to hear that! It's so simple you think it couldn't possibly do all that, but it does!

[@acertree1980]

@@CrappyChildhoodFairy please can you put a link to the course mentioned in your next video. Isolation for me is a HUGE factor and my body is slowly breaking down due to MS and reactive arthritis.

[@VriendaGanguly]

What's that?

[@beniaminocogoi5806]

Sorry could you post the link to that? thanks

[@H3c171]

Covid isolation been a blessing for me 💯💯 haven't left the house in 5 months 😂

[@jtrose6995]

same...and germaphobes rejoice! the cities have never been more "sanitized" thats one silver lining. but the tragedy of so many losing loved ones and or their lives and or livelihood is heartbreaking...i am just trying to survive at this point.

[@tmcleod1968]

Like you, the isolation has been a blessing for me. I feel like I can breathe. Dealing with others is usually so exhausting. When I taught, I usually ate lunch in my room instead of the lounge and just told the others that I needed to work.

[@lifemusic1980]

Same...I felt almost relieved by it. How wild is that?

[@lillyfingers]

I am loving not having to show up covid has been a good excuse for me!

[@aam3361]

This is exactly what is happening to me. Someone I’m getting to know, has triggered me so terribly that I can’t bring myself to message them. They are innocently (or not) setting off my abandonment fears through pictures, videos and delayed replies, I don’t know them well enough to explain why their behaviour triggered me. Avoiding them is the only way o can keep my mind at peace. It’s more peaceful this way.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Sorry -- triggers can be harsh. Here's hoping you keep gaining in strength to calm them.

[@aam3361]

@S JLA thank you :)

[@watchwoman16]

I’m happy in isolation. People suck. “The more boys I meet, the more I love my dog.” I’m successful in my career, occasionally walk with a friend but for the most part, I am happiest alone.

[@sparrowbarnesmusic5864]

I find people exhausting. But animals are energising

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

:)

[@andrescarlos3581]

Lol

[@billyb4790]

I still wonder how worth it it is to have people in your life.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Great, appreciate the support! -Cara@TeamFairy

[@larrytolson4135]

Interesting topic. I was born with a condition called Incontinentia Pigmenti. I encourage people to look that up, since there’s not enough space here for a detailed rundown on it. Suffice to say, males born with this are not expected to survive. The facial deformities that came with this caused tremendous amounts of social problems at home, at school, and everywhere else. So, what is talked about here fits me to a T. Needless to say that I see people differently. Being a natural born introvert makes the tendency to isolate even worse.

[@Megan6772]

I don't feel fear, not the most, I feel ANGRY the most. And frustrated. Everyone seems to say "not me, that's not my fault" and they don't seem to have nearly enough empathy.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

This Practice could really help- bit.ly/3608opl -Cara@TeamFairy

[@teacherdilo]

Your video talks to my soul. I remember when I was a child and life in my house was a living hell. My parents fought all the time. My brothers, my sister and I cried in desperation. As they grew up they started to fight each other. It was lonely being a kid with no one to talk to. I have only a few memories of having a good time being a kid and those memories are not the memories I got from living with them. I grew up being bullied for being too sensitive, I liked the girls's company, I felt safe with them. They didn't force me into anything like the boys did, like violent activities as soccer. I always felt vulnerable around other boys, as if I would always get into a fight or as if they would just beat me for no reason. When I was a teenager I was totally inadequate and socially awkward, I was very shy I didn't engage in any social activities. As an adult I had panic attacks, social phobia, bipolar disorder , the doctors never found a diagnosis and each one tried a different medication. Now at the age of 40 I managed to acquire all those abilities no one had taught me. I feel triggered especially around men, when they are too dominant, like the alpha male type, If the man is nice and approachable I will probably feel comfortable. It takes me a while to get used with the presence of people who are, how can I say, up tight, or tense, or too controling...

[@OctoberRust1973]

I’m really only calm & happy out in nature (usually alone) or in my bedroom in my comfy bed on my heating pad (I have severe fibromyalgia, degenerative disc disease, spinal cord compression, etc.)...Everything exhausts me. I rarely see family anymore. No one seems to understand how much physical pain I’m in. Growing up my parents had no skills to teach me anything, they scapegoated me during their divorce and are both narcissists. I had a nervous breakdown at 16, developed agoraphobia after that. I remember trying to explain that I needed help to my Mom and she said I reminded her of my Dad and threw a brush at my head. I stay in touch mostly via email. My husbands (2) were both abusive narcissists. I’m an INFJ, empath, highly intuitive, highly sensitive and I’m tired. I now have CPTSD. Pretty much all the rest of the family is successful and I’m the loner, black sheep. When all you’ve done is try to be nice and then when you try to defend yourself and that makes it worse you reach a point where you are done. Some people are just toxic. I love my parents and sibling a lot. Unfortunately they are all narcs.

[@elana7818]

So sorry

[@HyacinthArmor]

Ahhhhh!!! I'm so happy I found you. Ugh I have CPTSD and I isolate bad.... and I havent had a job in almost 3 years. I'm 26. I barely leave my bedroom... thank God I have my boyfriend for the past 4 years, but it's so hard on both of us. He's such a beautiful soul. And he loves and cares about me so much. But I'm getting tired and I feel like I'm hurting everyone around me, I'm nothing but baggage and useless. I don't know how to be around people at all anymore. My bf is the only person I feel safe around and even with him sometimes I get triggered and it makes me feel terrible. And I'll share everything with him. I could go on and on about all of it, but yeah, I'm glad I found this channel. I feel very alone having CPTSD.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

@MoonchildJace If you want to make a change, I hope you'll have a look at my courses and membership program.

[@MirellaReiche]

Been single for over a decade and omg that felt safe! Solitude is my superpower. Just me, my horse and the forest. But along came a lovely trustworthy soul who does not run away at my triggers. So scary, and so beautiful. I'm doing the work...he's worth it. I'm worth it.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Buckle your seat belt... lol. Happy for you.

[@jameswelsh20221]

I honestly love your posts and always enjoy reading them in my lonely spare time. I'm so sorry I invaded your privacy, but I'd love to be friends with someone who could share such sensitive post content, which means you're a woman of integrity. I wanted to add you but sending you a friend request without your consent is inappropriate because I'm a public figure and it wouldn't take much either, I'd appreciate it if you send me a friend request now so we can be friends and text better here on KZbin

[@Jena948]

I was guided to this video. I’m 45 years old and I’m just finding out who I am and why I am the way I am. This is exactly what I do. I isolate I avoid close relationships with everyone except my husband and kids. Thank you for this, it was really helpful! ❤️

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thanks for listening! -Calista@TeamFairy

[@twiggy8473]

Where are all of you people that feel like I do and don't like fake people? Are we passing each other in life? It would be nice to know someone else that wants to be honest, open and kind.

[@lillyfingers]

I relate to this, my dog Grubby kept my head above water I felt love for him, comfort from him and lucky for me he lived for 18 years but then he died and suddenly my life has gone down hill and crappy child hood has been catching up. You talk a lot of sense and as much as i love dogs i probably need to connect to humans in a real way. As a natural smiler i am able to hide everything.

[@jameswelsh20221]

I honestly love your posts and always enjoy reading them in my lonely spare time. I'm so sorry I invaded your privacy, but I'd love to be friends with someone who could share such sensitive post content, which means you're a woman of integrity. I wanted to add you but sending you a friend request without your consent is inappropriate because I'm a public figure and it wouldn't take much either, I'd appreciate it if you send me a friend request now so we can be friends and text better here on KZbin🙏💕🙏

[@mariaaldrete1347]

Anna my room is my cave!!!!! I am so thankful for you sweetheart!!!!! Between you and a few other utube channels I have found the will to exist again!!!! I was scapegoated by my mother .. I have been with a narcissist for 16yrs without knowing this.. He ruined my life to the point where my kids hate me and I cannot work due to an incisional umbilical hernia after having our daughter and getting my tubes tied after 4 childbirths. I've lost my drivers license due to not being able to pay for insurance. He is a mobile RV repairman and knows all sorts of important people here who like his work... He put my children in danger and they lost trust for me.... When he knows I'm at my wits end he will love bomb me until I push him away..and he ghosts us until we ask for his return... Now I'm getting help from a therapist that I could stand firm with my knowledge that I have CPTSD and I am being played by this evil man... Dr Todd Grande, Dr Led Charles, Dr Ramani, Permission to Exist, Richard Grannon, AngelicGuidance333 and of course Sadhguru, for more inner understanding and meditation to keep my outbursts down have helped me thru all of this mess!!!!! I owe all of you my life!!!!!! I am 51 I felt like I had no hope because my advanced age...but I'm working on my relationship with my teenagers and getting lots of professional advice to heal... Thank you from my whole heart beautiful lady!!!!!!!!

[@elana7818]

Ditto. I know exactly how you feel

[@mariaaldrete1347]

@@elana7818 check "The Royal We" kevin is amazing!!!!

[@dm5129]

It is just amazing how toxic people are, totally amazing. Sorry about your pain.

[@sunshinegirl2208]

I am 51 years old , ... And I have a phone phobia, I am not kidding !!! I love people and enjoy company from time to time, but mostly I need a lot of "down-time". I also say , "if you don't call first, don't bother to come". I have severe trust issues with people. I own two dogs, ... They are my "Happy Place" !!!!!

[@TheWaynelds]

I can relate to that. I hate talking on the phone. I’d rather use text messages because they’re quick & to the point, and I can reply back at my own leisure after a few minutes/hours.

[@meggrant6293]

I’ve self isolated for 40 years. No friends for that long. But , I can’t control my fear. All people have hurt me at one time or another. My world is very small. Now I have memory loss. And things are getting worse

[@outlawJosieFox]

Wow thank you so much. I am 51 and you just diagnosed me without ever having met you. You described my experience so well that I cant stop the tears now.

[@Bill-cy7gq]

You know what is sad? I am 77 years old and found your channel.. I have had undiagnosed CPTSD all my life.I have to say I have made a royal mess of my life. Work, family, cutting people off etc. counseling was ridiculous. So for those who are younger listen carefully and with honesty. Don’t end up at the end of your life isolated and lonely.

[@Shybairnsgetnowt1]

I’m 51, and I started self isolation aged about 13/14. I used to get bullied terribly at school, especially during the lunch break because it was about 80 minutes long! The village that the school was in had a dual carriageway on it’s outskirts and I would go and hide under a bridge which went over the DC. I would also avoid the school bus and take a regular bus, (we had passes back then) as I often got beat up on the school bus. I left school a couple of years after this all started, but I wasn’t aware that had been self isolating and so it continues to this very day. I have had an enormous amount of therapy, counselling and other treatments over the last 25 years or so. I did get married but I didn’t do it for love, I did it because I got a good job and in my mind it was the right thing to do.’ That lasted about 6 years before we separated and divorced, and for about 10 years I was chasing this impossible dream; to remarry, have more kids and live my life in the way that I believed I SHOULD do, as opposed to how I wanted to. As I said I’ve been having treatment on and off for the last 25 years, and when I first started I thought I was going to go and have half a dozen sessions and everything would be tickety boo. How wrong I was! Recovery takes a lifetime, and even then you’re only just scratching the surface, at least in my experience. The best thing I did was to accept that I will never be ‘perfect’ that although it was my mother who did a lot of damage along with the school bullies, that I can’t change the past, I can only influence the future.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

I'm very moved by your story. So sorry this happened to you. You are another example of someone who demonstrates healing out of the unsealable, hope in the hopelessness. Please stay in touch here and let us know of your progress, even the little things. Everyone loves to hear them.

[@galbeeri8360]

Your videos are making me cry. A 33 old man

[@CrystalReneeMusic]

I don't think we NEED friends or relationships. Society just wants us to believe we do. I genuinely enjoy being isolated. I seek out ways to be isolated.

[@hgzmatt]

If that works for you great.. personally I don't think I can do it. I'm already fairly withdrawn but I'm really craving connection.

[@popgirl123xxx]

Yuh I kinda want to know what this is, I was hoping I could resonate with this but I truly enjoy being alone and am not concerned with things like fear of judgement. Sometimes i ish I had someone to talk to but then I think I’d rather not have to maintain it🤷🏾‍♀️ this is interesting though

[@agoogleuser9218]

I'm the same way. Humans are awful. I much prefer the company of animals or just going it alone.

[@misanthr0pic]

Some people have a disorder where they precer being alone. But humans as a whole are social creatures and thrive with a social structure. This is why you (along w the rest of us) are dealing with these cptsd challenges today.

[@comerosas]

I have to isolate or distance myself all the time because when i’m triggered my emotional/mental pain comes with a lot of physical pain too (nausea, stomach aches, shaking uncontrollably, etc) and i can’t handle it all. I want to be able to have friends but i cant handle the pain that could come as a result and i dont trust people, i always assume the worst

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

That sounds really hard. You can learn to calm your triggers -- even a small change can make a big difference. Don't give up on yourself. You may want to check out the tools and courses I offer on my website: crappychildhoodfairy.com

[@yoursoulessmate]

U r right. I should have hold to this comment instead. MOST PEOPLE SUCKS! THEY GHOST YOU!

[@sandrastrausbaugh6050]

I just found your channel a couple days ago & subscribed. I was sitting here thinking "how am I going to stop isolating & find a job?" and saw your video. I also appreciate that you keep your videos short. It helps me a lot. I am trying a new type of therapy and I hope it helps. Luckily my husband is supportive. Yep, pets- four chihuahuas!

[@MC-rw2bk]

This is why I work at home. I have been a remote worker for 5 years and it's helped my anxiety tremendously.

[@tatibaby9014]

And this why I can’t keep a job.... reading comments about the age they are and how long it’s been just makes me feel like I’m going to be like this for the rest of my life...

[@jarcha4200]

Well, you’ve realized it well before we all have and now have a name for it and valuable resources for learning how to heal. Peace.

[@marciasloan534]

I STAYED HOME HAD A LARGE FAMILY

[@arthurnorton284]

Thank you, this comment section is the most social experience I've had in weeks

[@tracy.28]

Omg yes to everything! Crazy to hear someone else saying it, not just going thru it on your own.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Glad it resonates :)

[@lori8553]

I was isolated so much as a child that I find that I am fine alone. I have lots of things to do. For me I give up. I never would have thought the one person I care most about used this knowledge against me. As if I don’t have eyes to see or ears to hear or a heart completely broken. Thank God I like me.

[@kvk4643]

I found out just last week that I have been struggling with cptsd for so many years and I'm so glad I found your channel, thank you ❤️.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Welcome!

[@nicolameikle3976]

I have isolated for 10 years! Constant rejection fed into my abandonment wounds and I basically lost the will to live!

[@tperez338]

Omgosh I’m so glad I found this channel. It’s so hard to be around people. For me, it’s hard because I feel like I can’t relate to anyone. I feel like if I go out and be happy and have a trigger I have to swallow it and pretend to be okay. I don’t like feeling fake. And even if you tell them some of your story they don’t get it. That’s why it’s hard for me to bond. Being a military wife makes it harder. I feel like I’m surrounded by “normal” people. They are always happy and not ever worried about things, which I know is not the case everyone has problems but I feel like everything is a trigger. Seeing happy people is a trigger. Makes zero sense. But I wish more than anything I could erase the memories and pain and just be normal. This woman hit the spot. You don’t have to be fake with pets or pretend to be happy. They love you no matter what. Every day is a fight to be normal and to keep the pain caged.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

You might REALLY enjoy coming on over to my online courses and the community of people healing through them. Among these thousands of wonderful men and women, you'll fit right in!

[@jameswelsh20221]

I honestly love your posts and always enjoy reading them in my lonely spare time. I'm so sorry I invaded your privacy, but I'd love to be friends with someone who could share such sensitive post content, which means you're a woman of integrity. I wanted to add you but sending you a friend request without your consent is inappropriate because I'm a public figure and it wouldn't take much either, I'd appreciate it if you send me a friend request now so we can be friends and text better here on KZbin🙏💕🙏

[@KK-lw5cb]

When you said be isolated in family gatherings, I do that, I dont feel comfortable , I dont like engaging in adult talks even though I'm a responsible adult with ideas , dreams emotions like them, but I find myself making a way to avoid the mix I dont know if I want to change , but being a better version of yourself requires taking steps. Good video , I like it

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thanks!

[@kimmorris6801]

I’ll tell you this. I’ve had trouble most of my life with rejection. From friends and family. What happened to me in early years and teenage years. Never thought of it as a trigger of people but it’s exactly that. From schools to relationships. I’m not the girl to sit in the front row, I’ll chose the back row where I know I can’t be seen by people at a 360 degree angle. I was more confident in the back of the room. Hated assigned seating in school. Worst. Also, do not like confrontation by a person while in front of others. I freeze up. Now, I’ve been at the same job for 23 years, I’ve seen coworkers come and go. No matter how long I’ve stayed and what I do I feel as though I’m being judged, talked about behind my back. Every morning it’s the same thoughts, millions of things I try to reason with. What I look like, is my hair perfect, can I make a friend there, will I get embarrassed by someone today, will anyone say hello first, will I get a sneer, or a smile, will I be blatantly ignored, and watching the clock, always leave home precisely at 6 am so I won’t be late and always arrive 30 mins early. I call these trigger thoughts, it starts at 5 am and it’s all day. Just the misfit. I would love to just have sometime to be home, not having to work. Since 15 I’ve worked. Now almost divorced from a narcissist who was a lazy bum, didn’t work. I stayed too long. Now, I’m a slave to my own life. Yes I see a psychiatrist and yes I have a therapist too. It’s even when I’m off on weekends I don’t want to even go to the store. I have to talk myself into it. Take a nerve pill and wait. Anyway, this video I relate to because I think it does stem from my childhood. The people pleaser. But never pleased with myself. Thanks for putting this on KZbin, I am triggered by others behaviors, I sense their discord with me, and if they are the life of the party and up front getting all the attention I avoid them. I am in serious crisis, all the time. FROM MY OWN THOUGHTS

[@jameswelsh20221]

I honestly love your posts and always enjoy reading them in my lonely spare time. I'm so sorry I invaded your privacy, but I'd love to be friends with someone who could share such sensitive post content, which means you're a woman of integrity. I wanted to add you but sending you a friend request without your consent is inappropriate because I'm a public figure and it wouldn't take much either, I'd appreciate it if you send me a friend request now so we can be friends and text better here on KZbin🌷💕

[@victoriarosario3338]

I would say at this point, that my isolation is (or has reached) a chronic stage. 😢 My home has not been "picked up" since my ex left (Feb 5), self-care has been pretty nonexistent. I know I am also very codependent. And the way codependents are described (from one of your previous segments) I'm finding more reasons not to like myself very much. I am very dysregulated. Back on an antidepressant ( along with a mood stabilizer and an anti-anxiety med). I am going to get brave and start your "Daily Practice", Anna. I have been asking what friends (I have left) to "spare" me from being triggered. I thought I was just being Proactive. And you're right. If it weren't for my dog, I don't know what I'd do. Thank you for being such a kind and thoughtful teacher. I am grateful for you.

[@heatherdikes4477]

I like being alone.

[@angeelee9277]

yes. at least you know precisely what you are dealing with :)

[@LifeliesLife]

I do and I dont... I wish I could find a decent median.!

[@dm5129]

Americans always call it being alone. But in my country people seek the places where they can have that kind of peace so they can connect to the universe, to nature, to the big picture. I am one of those people who needs that.

[@carlthellama3435]

I am starved for intimacy and closeness. I'm used to being alone. It hurts when people call me a loner. I'm not. I'm just in pain. I'm blunt, I can be cruel, people annoy me. I try to be what people want, never showing my true self except in moments of overstimulation. I wish I could just "relax." Very informative video, you really captured the heart of the issue. I feel you really understand us

[@cristenboyett6535]

I love the special ones in my life but I love to isolate.... solitude gives me time to reset and recharge 💗

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Fair enough, some of us need that :) -Cara@TeamFairy

[@Prettyboyred336]

Good video. I've been living with cptsd. Since kindergarten. When you're being blamed shamed by your attackers, the attackers are called narcissist. When the rest of society blame shame you, you're called mentally ill. Told that you're sick. cause they have a chosen ignore towards what you are enduring. Cause they don't want to be aware. The way people treat you contribute to how you feel and how you respond. I've been speaking out about my mental health since I was 4. I'm now 40. I've been shunned and silenced throughout each year. I've been abused by so many people through out the years cause no one cared enough to pay attention. I'm made fun of and ignored in the work place because I behave differently. No one ever care enough to know anything about me to find understanding in why I behave so differently. They just respond to the fact that I'm too different and they don't like it. I've been stigmatized with mental I'll labels since kindergarten. Watching and listening as the adults respond to the labels as if they truly define me. Grooming me to behave as they assumed a mentally ill person should. Making it where I had no other choice than to hold back. Play whatever characters I'm told to play. That's what made things easier for them. The less I did. The less of a responsibility I appeared to be. That cost me to miss out on a lot of experiences I wanted to be apart of. Missing out on those experiences also means I missed out on the knowledge I would have gained. I was kept dumbed down and insecure. That cycle was repeated through out the years. Most people don't take the things I say serious. Cause they're constantly encouraged to ignore me. I'm ignored till I say things that match what other people want to hear. Told I'm only supposed to share the pleasant parts of my life. I've been abused for over half of my life and more than 80 percent of my life experiences are unpleasant. It leaves me with very little to talk about and very little to draw from to apply to anything. So I'm reserved and quiet. That makes others uncomfortable. When they are continuously uncomfortable when around me. They become angry. That causes me to become more shutdown. Ignoring dose not make things better for me. It makes it harder! Harder to heal, to fit in, to build and sustain confidence and security.

[@lifeisbannanas]

You described exactly how I feel. I was abused verbally and psychologically by both parents. My brother molested me when I was 12 and 13. Then my mom trafficked me online to 7,000 people watching me change use the bathroom, shower etc. Now I can't function. People give me so much anxiety. And because I'm pretty I deal with Soo many envious women and creepy men hitting on me and checking me out. I can't make female friends because I'm triggered by my abusive mother and jealous female friends. People always outcast me or I feel singled out. Normal people judge you for not having a family even though you were abused by yours and they were privileged to be born into a normal family. I get pushed to the side or ignored when I speak up, so I stay silent. I honestly have come to hate human beings and the human race. They're so evil , selfish, and full of malice. I only enjoy myself and feel safe in nature or with animals.