I Did It. I Found the Movie Equivalent of Wet Cardboard.

[@bangormc3rd562]

To be fair to whoever wrote the Amazon review: if you don't know who the male lead is in a Hallmark movie, and can't be bothered to look it up, a firefighter named Jack seems like a pretty safe bet to take.

[@Joe90h]

In all fairness, the person typing those up probably had 10 identical movies to write a synopsis for and probably blended them all together in their head.

[@lazyhomebody1356]

No! Jack is old. 100% it would be Jake. Jake the firefighter

[@SergeiMosin]

@@Joe90h Only 10? Hallmark must be having a slow year

[@bookshelfhoney]

Jack frost!!! His twin brother! Gasp! Who's got.........christmas amnesia!!! Dun dun DUNNNNN

[@MissionHamslice]

It's funny, there's evidence on other sites across the interwebs of his name being "Jack" so my guess is that the script was changed last minute to reflect the punny name but someone forgot to update it in all of their marketing material.

[@DawnOfTheOzz]

This film would be so much better if there wasn't one Chris Massey but a growing cluster of identical Chris Massey's spreading throughout the town. And they all share the same hive-mind commanded by a central Chris Massey which is why they have so many different occupations and why they remember "Clarissa Explains It All" with each interaction. The film could have ended with the entire town getting absorbed by the Chris Massey eldritch abomination and Clarissa having to fight it off with a shotgun.

[@vara202]

But he can only turn other people into Chris Masseys when it's christmas so he's the reason Christmas starts earlier ever year. When Christmas is year round he will rule the world

[@crs290]

That would make for an unusual SCP.

[@dbergerac9632]

I'd watch that. I didn't make it 7 minutes into this review.

[@pwallace5359]

Makes me think of the 1996 movie ,Multiplicity staring Michael Keaton . Only your version sounds better! 😁

[@WarmLusamine]

And here we see what happens when the human mind is exposed to the film equivalent of drying paint.

[@candidgamera]

The conflict and twist : Chris is causing runaway unemployment in the town because he has single-handedly taken all the jobs.

[@adrianaheiler9794]

😂😂😂 for real though, he's like Elf on a shelf, you never know where he'll pop up next!

[@oz_jones]

Taking our jerbs

[@lawrencelopez9839]

for a part 2 he goes on vacation with Natalie and the entire town's economy collapses because of a sudden lack of workers all throughout the supply chain

[@MrBeardsley]

Chris Massey, the one-man Walmart

[@Elly-z7q]

Guy from Hometown-cha-cha-cha is part of the group chat with Chris Massey because he’s the same most of the town’s jobs are done by him (bespoke wallet to hold all his licenses yikes dude)

[@LezCharming]

Natalie: I just haven't found my true love yet. Penny: So you're kind of a soulless vampire,viewing the rest of us as vaguely living meat sacks of no real substantive value?

[@JustSortaOK]

Natalie: That's not what I said at a-- Penny: YOU MAKE ME SICK!!

[@kenthuang436]

Penny: At least I didn’t steal the family heirloom antique pistol of my boss and kidnap some random man that just walked into the diner where I work at gunpoint and force him to spend Christmas with me and my family who continuously ignore the man’s protests and claims that I’m a psycho that is holding him hostage for Christmas!

[@robinadams]

Natalie: Well, yes, but that's a separate question.

[@TheWanderingLPer]

This movie feels like it was written by someone who got SO MAD every time there was a contrived, overdramatic conflict that could be solved if the characters just communicated better, so they were like "Fine! I'll make my OWN Christmas RomCom!"

[@denisdrozdoff2926]

And like idea is good but it doesn't really lend itself to a mass-produced feature-length seasonal movie. It'd make my favorites list if it had a bit more of an internal conflict, instead of "true love takes time" nonsense, I'd break the 4th wall through her podcast and let her push against her growing feelings because "*Any quality of Chris*, for real?!" Like she complains to her audience (us) about how cliche it is, maybe even with mocumentary style camera stares.

[@darwinxavier3516]

I can sympathize. I generally avoid romcoms because of the overused misunderstanding trope. How about one where the pair get along and understand each other while the conflict is an external problem they need to fix together. Preferably combining their unique talents and life experiences in a complementary way like a superhero teamup Or they both have emotional issues preventing them from getting close but they both realize it and help each other heal.

[@johnnye87]

@@darwinxavier3516 You're not describing a romcom, you're describing a romantic subplot in any other genre. What is the "external problem they need to work together to solve"? Whatever it is, that'll be the primary plot and genre of the story; the pair of attractive people who fall uncomplicatedly in love along the way are just a nice bow to tie up the ending with. In a romance story (comedic or otherwise), by definition the romance itself is the focus of the plot, so in order to be interesting there needs to be some kind of obstacle they overcome to make it happen. That's why they often come across as melodramatic or unrealistic.

[@darwinxavier3516]

@@johnnye87 I think that's where we differ. I don't think there needs to be some kind of obstacle to the relationship to make it interesting. The external problem could be their own separate occupation related problems. Each of them could bring a unique perspective or resources/skillset that "fills in the missing piece" to resolve the other person's issue. The interesting part(to me anyway)would be how well their different experiences and perspectives complement each other. If there has to be some kind of obstacle, it could simply be that their individual problems to solve are keeping them too busy to see each other much. They would naturally talk about their problems keeping them busy and would want to think of ways they could help the other. If for no other reason than because they each want to see the other person more often.

[@TimHunold]

Be very careful typing that, you'll end up with a job rubebrstamp greenlighting movies at the Hallmark Channel

[@IsaacIsaacIsaacson]

So fun fact: The woman working with Chris Massey at 11:13 is a real glass blowing artist, Jessica Schimpf, and they're actually in her studio. The movie hired her studio and asked her to train Priestley in glass blowing, and then decided to cast her as his assistant. The reason the glass cuts away is the hands they show are actually hers - CGI'd to look larger.

[@nineteenfortyeight]

What kind of rugs does she have in her studio?

[@IsaacKuo]

This needs to be an AO3 tag. "Chrismassey" - means that there is no conflict, just monotonically pleasant wish fulfillment.

[@RowanWarren78]

Yep...barf

[@MoonVeil]

Done. Next excessively soft fluff story I post will be tagged thusly.

[@MsOopsiDaisy]

@@MoonVeil lol, I just thought that this is simply called fluff

[@TwoMarshmallows1]

@@MoonVeil I will be obsessively refreshing for this tag.

[@iimuffinsaur]

making me feel guilty that that is mostly what i read x.x i have conflict irl i just wanna read cuddles..

[@MsTwissy]

Used to work at a glass blowing studio. My first day I set my own hair on fire. Something you learn pretty quickly is that you actually want to wear stuff that catches fire instead of stuff that melts. If it catches fire it burns and you get it off and it’s fine, if it’s plasticity like tennis shoes or some clothes, it melts and sticks to your skin then keeps burning.

[@MissLiliDelaney]

Fun fact: Christmas in Italian is called NATALE so she ALSO has a Christmas-like name... 🤣🤣🤣

[@pushinguproses]

WAT

[@RageUnchained]

Honestly I’m surprised they didn’t just hang a lampshade on it and name her Noel

[@MissLiliDelaney]

@@pushinguproses they were meant for each other!

[@talideon]

Hidden depth! (Or probably not)

[@DasKame]

But without a Dog Named "Rudolph", it's not complete...

[@redthepigeon9747]

I love how she doesn't find it even remotely odd that her father had hidden the 8th grade diary and just gives it back to her as a convenient plot gift.... and that the sister was apparently pregnant with a massive kinder egg that had that fake baby in it as the surprise.

[@mortimerbrewster3671]

And after walking around the size of a basketball she is suddenly thin after giving birth.

[@RosieTheRo]

this film is like the movie equivalent of an incredibly fluffy ship fic that you write just bc it makes you feel warm and fuzzy and you leave all the angst and conflict aside bc you just want your otp to be happy, damm it. but it falls flat bc it's just two generically attractive people with flat personalities instead whatever your favourite ship is lol

[@XanthinZarda]

As someone who has written a fluffy ship fic or two, yeah. Except they've managed to grind off anything interesting to the point that even the most fluffy bunnies would take a look and think there's surely something exciting in the briar patch.

[@arianaajbeaverhausen8175]

I'm clearly ignorant, what is ship fic? I'm guessing that it has nothing to do with boats? 😂❤

[@XanthinZarda]

@@arianaajbeaverhausen8175 So you know how people used to pair up Ash from Pokemon with _glances at alarmingly long list_ anything with a pulse? Shipping is a fanon term for romantic relationships which may or may not be canon.

[@beowulf1417]

@@arianaajbeaverhausen8175 it's a sad and unhealthy obsessive type of behaviour displayed mostly by tumblr users who unironically end up making Stephanie Meyer and Dan Brown look like the greatest literary minds of all time.

[@ultraboombean]

These are the fanfics I love to read for a smile and a laugh. Also , super angsty ones can be fun.

[@williama7124]

0:31 I'm sorry but the fact that you mention Melissa Joan Hart being known for these movies and NOT for Sabrina the Teenage Witch feels like a criminal offence.

[@aboutfeddy]

That's who she is!!!

[@grannyweatherwax8005]

It was obviously a joke.

[@williama7124]

@@grannyweatherwax8005 yes I suspected that however the delivery was off. JP was in fact most known for 90210 so he should have been introduced first and then when mentioning MJH, the viewer expects to hear Sabrina but the punch line being these random ass movies. The format of the joke was off so it didn’t land or get the laugh. Just sayin...(I do love this channel tho, Pushingup is very funny)

[@pushinguproses]

*EDIT* IT WAS JUST RELEASED! YAAAAAAY HAPPY XMAS TO MEEEEEEEEEEEE Hey everyone - This video is currently claimed by Sony, so I am not making any money on it for the time being. I am trying to sort it out. In the meantime, please enjoy it anyway and have a great holiday. -Roses

[@RageUnchained]

Since Sony claimed this and has robbed your ad revenue is there a link to your patreon for those who want to send some Christmas cheer in turn?

[@madquest8]

Have a happy Xmas. Looking forwards to even more of your great vids!

[@SharmClucas]

Let us know when you have it resolved, I'll watch again and make extra sure I have my ad block turned off. Merry Christmas!

[@v00idless72]

man the ps 5 must be a real trash can then to claim the video.

[@RageUnchained]

@@v00idless72 Sonys gaming division is separate from its film division.

[@RowanWarren78]

I'm 43, why does Melissa Joan Heart look ten years older than me? I don't think she actually looks this old, but rather the make-up artists and filmmakers for these terrible Hallmark movies made her look old.

[@TheBridget272]

My theory was that she'd just had some work done and it hadn't "settled down" yet.

[@LaineMann]

I was gonna say she looks younger. 🤣

[@nineteenfortyeight]

@@TheBridget272 this. She looks "worked on"

[@mandygail902]

I think the smoker's voice is a tell tale sign. Obviously has aged her. 🥴

[@grannyweatherwax8005]

I’d say everyone looks aged in this, except Robin Givens who I didn’t even recognize. They look like they were shot with the aging filter on tiktok. I think the issue was (partly) poor lighting with terrible makeup. At one point Priestly’s face was several shades different than the rest of body and ultra sallow.

[@limelantern5637]

wait wait wait, I just remembered I've heard of this movie. It was filmed in quarantine which is why every scene in public is an empty void space. It exists in a universe where only people who matter to the story exist in what is meant to be a bustling little town... which is actually not a bad commentary on hallmark movies.

[@OrangeCat1992]

Interesting… I was going to say fun fact, but it’s not that fun. But that also clarified the obvious fake baby.

[@poofywings]

Yeah. They talk about it on My Brother My Brother and Me.

[@sophiavechnyak6763]

@@poofywings what episode I want to watch it

[@PandaWithAJetpack]

I’m replying to be updated on the MBMBaM episode

[@limelantern5637]

@@nharber9837 did... did you just create a plot for this plotless movie? Is this interesting now?

[@donnylurch4207]

This looks like a movie all about the well-adjusted side characters in a more dramatic romcom.

[@bradders9743]

Yeah some real shit probably went down with the pregnant lady

[@elsie8757]

This feels like the kind of "story" one could only really enjoy if it was in the form of a fanfic about two characters you already ship from something else.

[@infamoussphere7228]

Yeah I wrote a Christmas fic where the premise was these two men who were already in a relationship secretly knitting socks for each other, and even that had more conflict than this movie because one of them worried that the other didn't want to spend time with him/was always out of the house (because he was secretly knitting the socks.) And that's only enough plot to sustain a short story, not a whole movie!

[@BlackOrderAlchemist]

@@infamoussphere7228 That sounds cute as hell :y What ship, if you don't mind my asking?

[@bela516]

@@BlackOrderAlchemist I’m going to guess Destiel. Lol ❤️🤞

[@83croissant]

Was that your Band of Brothers coffeeshop AU ?

[@infamoussphere7228]

@@bela516 Ahhahaha lol No, it was a fic for the Finnish novel Unknown Soldiers/Tuntematon Sotilas. As of now mine is the only English language fic on Ao3.

[@MegCazalet]

I feel like a lot of the target audience wouldn’t know about the “exotic” cayenne or hot pepper flakes or anything to put more “hot” in hot chocolate.

[@vara202]

I literally buy cocoa mix at the store with the pepper already mixed in, how could someone not know about it?

[@md_vandenberg]

@@vara202 I'd assume everyone knows about spices, not hot cocoa mix with hot peppers already mixed in. Big gap there.

[@ProletariatPrince]

I drink Mexican hot chocolate.

[@scissorteeth7305]

I like that he moved back home to be a better uncle to his niece and nephew which I can only imagine he never sees since he's working 8 jobs at all times of the day, even on Christmas.

[@LadyPenumbra]

As a glass maker, I'm so glad that you said how ridiculous that scene is. Obviously made by a person who has never seen a glass studio. They aren't wearing aprons, or goggles. There is flammable stuff everywhere! And he would not need all those extra gigs, nor would he have time for them. He is obviously VERY successful, those hearts are everywhere. A hand-blown glass ornament like that would be priced at 25 to 50 dollars. Now, the red glass does cost more than other colors. But a glass heart is a bit of a doodle. An experienced glass maker can churn those out at about one every 2 minutes. And they are selling like hotcakes! So, Dad.... "How much does a glass blower make?" Why don't you ask Dale Chihuly?

[@JenIsHungry]

The woman in the studio is a real glass blower

[@felman87]

I kept expecting some weird plot twist. So, she meets this guy she has a lot in common with. Like, a lot. They have traveled to the same places, the guy seems to know they will see each other the next day, he says they grew up together and knew each other in grade school. The note book even had that Chris Massey writing in it, showing that she had feelings. Like, how did she just forget? At 8th grade, this was probably her first boyfriend, wasn't it? Or at least one of her first crushes. So the twist would be that she didn't forget. Chris was never there. He's just trying to implant false memories into her head. The notebook would be the key detail because there's usually some date signification near the barcode, usually a TradeMark symbol and copyright date. It's the date that gives it away. Her parents don't remember Chris. Her friends don't remember him. She contacts the school and there was never a Chris Massey enrolled. So...who is this guy who knows a lot about...I forget the character's name already, Melissa Joan Hart. How does he know all this? Simple. It was all on her facebook. The high school, the trips, the details. He's a stalker. Or a figment of her imagination. Do a twist on Hallmarks cliche of finding someone for the holidays. Melissa couldn't find anyone so she invented someone. But she's not very good at it, hence why Chris is essentially just a male version of her. Why didn't she just Tinder up? Because she lives in a small town and has no one near her. There are no Tinder matches because everyone got married right out of high school, except her. So she busies herself with the super successful podcast, which turns out is anything but popular. It's just her parents paying for everything. She pretends that she built it all herself but it's all a facade.

[@MySqueezingArm]

The twist is no twist, just schlock

[@Duragizer8775]

Sounds like a movie I'd actually consider watching, even if it was still on Lifetime.

[@MamaMOB]

That’s dark. Like DARK.

[@euansmith3699]

@@MamaMOB So dark, it could be part of the DC Universe?

[@AtheistPirate]

I had a similar idea, except he deep fakes himself into those significant moments (some combination of video and photoshop) and gaslights her into believing that's what happened. Her family is either in on the whole thing, been replaced by doppelgangers, or (because the story seems plausible enough/time has dulled their memories) they just roll with it.

[@HoldB_toRun]

"Take me now!" And then the cut to the kids and you going, "Ugh, nevermind." Made me absolutely cackle. Hoo, I wasn't ready for that.

[@maxwuzhere2248]

Fun fact! My former college professor wrote this with her husband. She's an absolute gem of a human and about as wholesome as this movie so it was very funny to see this pop up in my subscription feed 😂 This is the third of a trilogy of Melissa Jones Hart Christmas movies that my professor cowrote and they're all just as warm and innocent as this one. I highly recommend their first, A Very Nutty Christmas if you want more, uh... "plot"? There's better chemistry among the leads and jokes that got genuine laughs from me.

[@justwaiting5744]

😄😄😄

[@TheyLoveThemLLC]

Wow!! What a thing! Gotta check those out!

[@juliaboon9741]

Oh I’ve seen a Very Nutty Christmas! I loved it because it was so stupid. Nutcracker becomes man and then falls in love. What’s not to adore?

[@SjofnBM1989]

No offense but tell them not to quit their day jobs 😬

[@DestinyKiller]

I think it's a rather sweet movie and it's nice to hear it was written by someone sweet as well

[@jgriffin9084]

So the whole "I'll be seeing you" made me instantly think of Groundhog Day. And the "he's been everywhere she has been but they never met" made me think of time travel. Actual good plot: They didn't meet and fall in love until close to some tragic accident that killed Melissa Joan Heart. Mr Christmas travels through time to save her but it doesn't work so he decides to meet her sooner in their lives. He goes to places he knows she will be based on stories she's told him, but they never have that "fall in love" encounter. He decided his safest bet is to start a life in her home town and get every conceivable job so that he is sure to run into her and fall in love. She still dies in the end, but they get to have a life together.

[@whilenya4714]

You did it, * insert Jurassic Park meme * you made the movie interesting!

[@maddieb.4282]

Wow write your own movie!!!

[@meghanjean2624]

When I was a bookseller, we often had people ask for the "nonfiction section". I was asked by a very condescending woman once, to whom I replied, "What are you specifically looking for?" And she said, "You know how you have a fiction section? I'm looking for the nonfiction section." So I said, "Ok. Well. To the left here, we have psychology, self-help, parenting. To the right is biography, then a little past that we have sociology, history, poli-sci --" She sort of shrunk and said, "Oh. I guess I'm looking for something in biography."

[@rainbowkrampus]

My favorite vague request was, "I'm looking for a book. It was $14.99." (Jackie Chan.png)

[@Oag1992]

As a bookseller I feel this on a personal level. The amount of times customers have asked me about the mythical “nonfiction” section is daunting.

[@margaritap.9459]

@@rainbowkrampus my first thought was that maybe they meant "€14.99" by Frédéric Beigbeder, but then I remembered not to expect much of people, so maybe, yeah, they meant just the actual price😂🤦‍♀️

[@keigoftw]

@@margaritap.9459 We Americans live in a hellscape that does not include sales tax (you just kind of learn to guesstimate) Which makes me very intrigued by this title?

[@werelemur1138]

@@Oag1992 Every time I was tempted to say "you see that corner of the store? Where it says 'fiction'? Well, non-fiction is everything else." There's also the "it has a blue cover" customer and the "it was on Oprah a while ago" customer.

[@3dartxsi]

"See you tomorrow." "You seem pretty sure about that." Am I the only one disappointed that this didn't turn out to be a Christmas themed horror movie?

[@nineteenfortyeight]

Isn't it?

[@earthboundretro]

The best part is how he did all his volunteer jobs to support his art.

[@Dream0Asylum]

Actually, I bet the tow gig was probably supporting everything else. As an on-call, graveyard shifter - I bet that was some pretty sweet bread.

[@timpancakes2011]

I definitely swooned for him at that part

[@darianle190]

He also in the army reserve and fight the war on terrorism ... but only on the weekends

[@ThreeBeingOne]

Agreed.

[@ChestyVonF]

For me, Ed Begley Jr. will always be the guy on The Simpsons who drove a car powered by his own sense of self-satisfaction.

[@CantankerousDave]

The electric motor from his car (The most evil propulsion system ever conceived!) is also part of the Were-car in Futurama.

[@lauranolastnamegiven3385]

he'll always be the self-satisfied jerk who brags about having (IRL) 'only a glove compartments' worth of garbage a week'... It's so satisfying when he blows up at the end of his Star Trek Voyager episodes

[@nilus2k]

It’s weird that a teenage witch would go so Christian in her 40s

[@AarmOZ84]

Kirk Cameron has shown us that yesterday's young star is today's Christian fundamentalist. 🤷‍♂

[@kenna163]

​@AarmOZ84 Yeah but Kirk was always like that

[@infamoussphere7228]

One of the things that confuses me as an Australian about these holiday movies, is the idea that the protagonists seem to be home for Christmas for a really, really long time. I thought the whole thing with Americans is that you get no time off from work, how are all these Hallmark people home for like two weeks before Christmas even happens? Here you just like...arrive on Christmas eve and then leave a week later, you're not hanging around for ages before Christmas!

[@UnknownName5050]

Shock! The media lies to the world because they’re owned by powerful political entities. Again, can’t believe it! Shocked! Shocking!

[@ToHoldNothing]

I mean, they're all upper class rich, most likely. Or have jobs that give them like 2 weeks off for Xmas somehow

[@JenIsHungry]

It's a movie, it doesn't reflect reality lmao

[@bookshelfhoney]

They have weird chemistry, like two magnets when you try to push them together but they repel each other. Also for some reason I thought he was going to turn out to be a werewolf. A Christmas werewolf

[@mrsscreamgirl5332]

Would a Christmas werewolf only transform underneath the Christmas moon?

[@addicted367]

😂🤣

[@Hair8Metal8Karen]

@@mrsscreamgirl5332 only transforms under Christmas decorations

[@Strannik01]

Ein werweihnachten

[@anonymousone2843]

You probably felt like that because his acting is always horrible in my opinion. Was awful in 90210, but I'm sure I never noticed that since I watched that when I was like 15 in the early 90s! And no, I am not proud of that! 🤣He always makes me feel like he will turn out to be a serial killer or a psychopath masquerading as a wolf in sheeps clothing. His acting is very flat, but in the 90s that made no difference to me!

[@blackbloom8552]

Chris massey was such a perfect man i was expecting the following twist to come. Jessica: I`m sorry Chris, i cannot love you...because you`re not real. Chris: You`re right ``disapear in a puff of logic``

[@YControl129]

Just looked at Melissa Joan Hart's imdb and she's been making a Lifetime Christmas movie almost every year since 2014? It sounds like she's basically the same character in all of them.

[@martinsorenson1055]

All I think is, She has a steady job!

[@theunwelcome]

sounds like an easy paycheck

[@lance2290]

If it worked for Aunt Becky and Hallmark, why not? Why mess with a winning formula?

[@YControl129]

And queen of Hallmark Lacey Chabert

[@staceyn2541]

It's her production company, too ..

[@HoneyballLP]

I like cozy romances, but a cozy romance needs strong characters, good feelings and interesting COZY stuff. :'D

[@sophiaandre139]

The actress who plays Natalie's mom, Faith Prince, played in a few episodes of Sabrina the teenage witch. She was Aaron's mom. Aaron was the tall, dark and handsome man Sabrina left at the altar to run with Harvey.

[@martinsorenson1055]

I was hoping for someone to mention this! She won a Tony Award as Adelaide in Guys and Dolls (1992).

[@KatT89]

The guy who played her Dad was her math teacher in one episode as well

[@austinsmith3011]

Off topic, but Faith Prince is also in one of my top guilty pleasure movies : The Last Dragon.

[@maggiemcfly5267]

She was also Jane's mom in Drop dead diva, I loved that show.

[@nbv6975]

Chris is like that dude in that one episode of avatar who ran every single shop.

[@DaveTpletsch]

As someone who's actually done glass blowing. Can confirm, it's very hot, difficult, and dangerous work that requires a LOT of focus, and has a very specific working time. And that kiln IS called a Glory Hole, though I've never used a square one before, all the glory holes I've seen IRL are round. But seriously. I would NEVER let someone just in off the street try glassblowing. It takes SPECIFIC and SERIOUS prep. That glass is hot enough to melt synthetic fibers which are in most people's everyday clothes, especially ones designed for women. If you accidentally touch the wrong thing at the wrong time and you're not wearing 100% natural or specifically heat proof fibers, then the plastic in your clothes MELTS TO YOUR SKIN. That scene was an absolute NO for me! SO many dangerously wrong protocols! They should have just made him a potter and done a more "christian" version of the famous Ghost scene. It would have been cheaper, safer, more realistic, and more romantic. Besides, no one is going to care if this caliber of movie rips off or references bigger budget, better produced romance movies.

[@FFKonoko]

The closeted man needed to send subtextual cries for help about a glory hole.

[@JacobHillSBD]

heh, glory hole

[@nineteenfortyeight]

How did you feel about the rug and the tree? ;)

[@katieandkevinsears7724]

I'm a locomotive engineer and had the same reaction to Unstoppable.

[@lapislazarus8899]

And you don't just wear plain ol' safety glasses from the hardware store. If you're not wearing proper eyewear, it can cause blindness.

[@MegCazalet]

Natalie was wearing a glass heart in the first scene! They really try to make the hearts thing be some meaningful magical thing.

[@chillcreep4926]

Chris's fatal flaw is that he's a workaholic. What's he trying to run away from, keeping himself so busy, huh? His feelings? I can't help but predict disaster because the whole story here is so fluffy and easy. Nope. Their relationship ends in tears and frustration. The end.

[@FFKonoko]

He's deeply closeted. She will be an angry bitter beard. And in the movie too 😄

[@JustinLeeper]

Imagine his trauma and torment - stalking this family in hopes the daughter he’s crushed on for 25 years comes back. After all, he stalked her across the globe with no success.

[@TheSongwritingCat]

Honestly, solid flaw. It's cute now that they keep running into each other, but what about when he's never at home?

[@brett66]

It's a good thing child me didn't know Melissa Joan Hart would eventually be doing this shit because I would have ended up 200% more cynical than I did.

[@KuchiKopi179]

A gal gotta eat

[@SongbirdAlom]

I'm about 94% sure that Lake Tahoe is a city run ENTIRELY by Christmassy.

[@TheInternetHelpdeskPlays]

Time for my yearly "miserable January pick me up." Thank you for an awesome channel, you never fail to entertain.

[@Tobascodagama]

Obviously, this film was influenced by the Japanese kishotenketsu story structure, commonly (albeit simplistically) described in Western sources as "a story without conflict".

[@DasKame]

Needs more Tantacles tho

[@YAIAAC]

Ah yes, the ancient Japanese art of “story structure” story structure

[@kon2175]

I doubt the people who made this would’ve known about that form of story structure, but I’d be surprised if it fits the form.

[@PatriciaCross]

"True love, is like finding a unicorn" Oh! He's a unicorn hunter.

[@Flameclaw123]

Your Murder She Wrote videos have conditioned me to equate the noise at 15:22 with someone dying and I thought there had been a murder - finally, some conflict in this movie! But alas, no

[@nicholasdanner628]

Ah yes, Dear Christmas, or as Justin McElroy described it, “the Waiting for Godot of Christmas movies”

[@aceinspaces]

I also love how this movie was filmed in the original height of covid, so the couple has to sit alone in cafes or always sit out of the party that's totally 100% going on in the next room over

[@fourcatsandagarden]

there may be no conflict in this movie but damn if them communicating didn't get me super excited. that literally never happens in bad movies.

[@Atariese]

"love is like a unicorn" then proceeds to wear a sweater with a unicorn... i wish everyone had such good signals

[@ChrisParlett]

Random recommendations like these on KZbin is why the British love America. Happy New Year.

[@TheFireflyGrave]

From an Amazon sweater review: Great but needs sword! Great quality and cute design, but my bad for not realizing the women’s version does not have a sword like the men’s version (and what’s up with that anyway?!?). Really warm, well knit, and fits as expected although more on the snug side. In hindsight I would have ordered a smaller size in men’s as I would have preferred the version of Santa with a sword, but the unicorn in space is still pretty cool!

[@lazyhomebody1356]

Thank you

[@pikksen7905]

... That single clip of "Podcast Recorder" (definitely not Audacity) is what broke me, for some reason. The UI in the top and bottom bars is all there, but then you get to the middle of the screen and it's blatantly cobbled together so that it "reads better." Fairly sensible size and layout, immediately followed by a *_Big Friendly Record Button_* in the middle of the screen, covering a third of the available screen space. A masterpiece.

[@robertpeacock894]

One simple addition would’ve been a note that she had amnesia when she was in 9th grade, and just straight up forgot everything before that point in time.

[@XanthinZarda]

Smacked on the head by a nutcracker falling from a tall shelf.

[@finecommathanks]

Around where I live Massey is a fairly common last name, I might even know a Chris Massey. I would have never, ever, ever realized it was a Christmas-y pun if Roses hadn't pointed that out. I'd have just thought, "yep, that's a name."

[@Canadamus_Prime]

Oh wow, I barely recognized Melissa Joan Hart. She looks very... different. Also I kept expecting it to turn out that Chris Massey was actually some sort of Christmas spirit sent to teach her a lesson about love or the true meaning of Christmas or something. Also I couldn't help but notice "A Hartbreak Films Production"

[@Razzy194]

Agreed on both counts. I didn't even recognize her at first. She had turned into the perfect Republican/Fox news model.

[@lukerinderknecht2982]

Cause Jason Priestley looks the exact same?

[@Razzy194]

@@lukerinderknecht2982 Not to be too picky, but yes, I could say that he looked like he did when he was younger. Just shave off the beard, Melissa has no beard thus.....

[@thEannoyingE]

She’s gorgeous, too her views are garbage.

[@superhetoric]

huh? she looks the same except, yknow, she aged.

[@insolubletoaster8133]

I was legit expecting him to turn out to actually BE Santa. It would have made so much sense. I also couldn't figure out why Jason Priestly looked so old. I made the mistake of googling it and I REFUSE to believe that man is 52 because that would mean I'm middle aged and that's absolutely not acceptable. It's still 1994. It has to be.

[@raffaelm6558]

What I love about this movie is how obvious it is that it was filmed during quarantine. Everything is so empty, especially the café etc. and of course she misses the ball so the hall is empty, too. The more you look for the signs, the more you see XD

[@nineteenfortyeight]

Don't be silly. There's a huge crowd in every scene. Just off camera.

[@MarquisdeL3]

"I should get back to one of my many places of employment." Okay, that got me. Speaking of Hallmark style movies, this year my sister made me watch A Very Nutty Christmas and that was a wild rollercoaster from start to finish.

[@richardedwards9044]

Going to James Hetfield as a “Battery” joke gives you 250 points!

[@arianaajbeaverhausen8175]

Agreed, it made me chuckle. 😄❤

[@miahthorpatrick1013]

Yeah that joke was hysterical!

[@v00idless72]

but then comes the mighty Ulrich and claim youtube because of all the metalica music

[@jgulner]

I about did a spit take

[@nova2512]

*11:50** Maybe it was the literal air quotes sign she did helped in the extraction*

[@tajtay]

He was so perfect I kid you not I thought he was secretly Santa I thought that was going to be the twist. Also it looks like a small town, so the fact she doesn’t recognize him or remember her crush in the age of social media doesn’t make sense really

[@mamabirdie734]

Every year me and hubby make a game of it. We start a Christmas movie and you have the be the first to yell out when you see the typical themes: “hot cocoa! Near missed kissed! Loss of a parent! Person falls on top of other! Failing business! Failing Christmas tree lot! Christmas cookies! City person goes to the country! Snow! Carols!” Keep score and whoever has the most pts wins! 🥇 🏆

[@EmeraldLavigne]

The script writer here really needed to hear writing 101 advice: *What do they want; why can't they get it; and WHY DO I GIVE A SHIT?*

[@EmeraldLavigne]

Seriously, if you look closely, this shows up in almost every scene of all your greatest films.

[@Pozorrogo]

Whenever anyone says 'wet cardboard' now all I ever think about is my 7yo nephew who got a Nintendo Labo fishing pole and he got it wet in the bathtub messing around and he came out to use it and it immediately broke and turned to mush in his hands and we all laughed My wet cardboard story is leaps and bounds more interesting of a story than this movie lmao

[@DampeS8N]

Wait wait wait. He's a _VOLUNTEER_ Firefighter to _support his art?_

[@DasKame]

So..... Serial Killer it is?

[@DampeS8N]

@@DasKame Why aren't mass murderers called parallel killers?

[@rickyray2794]

My mom LOVES hallmark Christmas movies, and she knows it drives me absolutely nutty lol. I was working on my Network + homework once and doing subnetting and a bunch of other stuff setting up cisco routers and switches and some hallmark xmas movie came on the living room TV about a family that takes in a woman who was found in the snow with amnesia... I watched the whole thing while working and I hate to admit I enjoyed it.

[@lucyhannah1227]

12:35 call me a weenie but i HATE miscommunication as a plot device tho i know why it's used. like yes it makes the story less interesting when they talk but it's better than tearing my hair out with frustration

[@lazyhomebody1356]

Also, you can't have a relationship without trust, ammi right?? But noooooo, they always assume the worst about this person they supposedly love

[@elafimilo8199]

I love the addition of ad breaks! So much better than having your commentary interrupted. Thanks!

[@TheRepty818]

Frank the Firefighter sounds like the clickbait they used to get all the soccer moms to watch the movie despite the fact that the guy doesn't get into a single fight with any fires. They realize that they have a lot of options when it comes to Christmas romance movies so they're like "ours has a sexy fireman!!!"

[@anitacrumbly]

I actually met jason priestly when I was doing voter polls and petitions in LA. He is sooo nice I recognized his name before I went to his door but hadn't seen him since 90210 so when he opened the door I wasn't expecting to see an adult lol it caught me by surprise but i was professional and i realized how many years had past without me thinking about it because in my head he was still the "good responsible brother from wisconsin" i mean he was still hot in real life lol. Anyway his wife/partner? was really sweet too she was protective making sure I wasn't there to take advantage of him or use his signature for nefarious reasons which I think is really nice to have a partner that looks out for you like that. That was cool job met some cool actors met some standoffish ones (rightly so considering how the crap they have to put up with).

[@eal21]

Clarissa can’t explain why this movie was so dull, but Roses makes an entertaining review as always =)

[@chungaplea3323]

"ho ho ho." Yes I am, take me now! Never change pushing up roses.

[@CrispyDragons]

Would've been funny if this ended up like "Colossal," and the seemingly nice bearded small town guy was actually a murderous sociopath

[@carveylover]

Until you said that I forgot that was the major twist of Colossal.

[@KiltedSatyr]

I love the "You are know doubt familiar for the former for her role in God is not Dead 2...". lol yes, THAT's what we are familiar with her in

[@alp8492]

Two thoughts: One, there's something extremely upsetting about the make-up in this movie. It's like it was airbrushed in real life. Two, it's impressive that they managed to include two bad romance tropes that directly contradict each other - love at first sight, and 'your high school crush will be the only person you ever love'.

[@Intestine_Ballin-ism]

Yup lol from minute one it looks like both of them got hit with the Simpsons makeup gun

[@film79]

Yeah At first I thought they’d both had work done but then I started to think it was bad make up

[@DasKame]

To be fair, maybe it's my Childhood but: Melissa Joan Heart is still sexy

[@JamesChessman]

@@DasKame Right, that’s why some people are complaining about make-up. Because they’re remembering her in the 90’s when she was a teenager. You guys need to realize that she’s not a teen anymore

[@Not_Always]

@@film79 MJH definitely had some injections around her mouth area. She also has obvious veneers but they forgot or didn't feel the need to do the bottom because you could see those teeth were crooked. Also Robin Givens looked like she hadn't aged a day, but the woman who played her pregnant sister looked like she was 45 years old and way too old to have a baby. You could tell by her neck that she was much older.

[@purpurina5663]

His tie!!! Omg his tie. He looks like a 7th grader at his first winter formal. It's all so BRIGHT. The lighting and color are off by a mile.

[@ashleyh7073]

What really broke the vibe of the movie for me were how they made the dairies. They made an effort but they dont really fit the time period she would have been in the 3rd grade. Theyre modern stickers, and im 85% sure i own the pony stickers from the craft store. Yes i know its a hallmark movie 🤣🤣 Youd think the fake baby, fake tree, or fake glassblowing would have done it but nope, for me it was the stickers lol

[@carrieorsel1340]

No one but me will get this but....thank you for pronouncing "denouement " correctly. Someone pronounced it "den-ow' ment" once and I'll never get over it.

[@fuzzydude64]

This is basically how every Hallmark Christmas movie ever made goes. "Stronk independent" woman > meet Ken doll > inexplicable love at first sight > flounder about nothing plot > fake overly melodramatic "conflict" that is immediately resolved > happily ever after. Everyone is inoffensive cardboard. They're so boring. It's never even funny how bad they are because they're too bad to be good but not bad enough to be The Room. Being boring is the worst thing a film can do.

[@hollyhobgoblin8838]

Yeah, I know a lot of people like to watch these in an ironic "so-bad-it's-good" way, but in my opinion they never go hard enough into bad territory to become enjoyable.

[@TitaniaBird]

I "affectionately" call them Christmas Factory Movies, because the scripts are pretty much just Mad Libs stories cranked out in assembly-line fashion every year by studios that exist almost exclusively to make this faux-tivational schlock.

[@Xehanort10]

Lifetime films are the same.

[@Dommer75]

GAC just had a Christmas movie marathon...My teeth are all gone now😑

[@REfan001]

don't forget even though the main character is successful, her life is unfulfilled because she's single city girl gets some learnin from small town folk and everyone is white except for the one friend who is never seen again after the start of the movie

[@ACAB.forcutie]

In high school, there was this guy in our friend group named Cole Masse. His family owned the best bakery in town. On the last day of school, he asked me out, but I didn't realize that's what he was doing. I wish I'd said yes

[@renatocorvaro6924]

Every Hallmark Christmas special can be summed up thusly; "Rich white people find monogamous heteronormative love at Christmas." Great video. :)

[@EmmaAppleBerry]

Theyve added in mixed race couples and black couples now too 😂 not because they wanted to but because they were like in danger of being cancelled etc so three in some token black people movies. Its funny af.

[@dragiceryudo5745]

Lack of conflict does make a sort of nice escapism from a bustling Christmas where everything goes wrong.

[@chasethe808]

My guilty pleasure is yelling at the Hallmark and lifetime movies. Especially at the misogyny. And, I add in the curse words where they’re missing. 😁

[@sdseals2076]

The lady playing the company owner is Robin Given. She is quite known for being in movies and tv shows in the 1980s and 1990s. One show is Head of the class, that guest starred Brad Pitt in an episode. She dated Brad Pitt and married Mike Tyson.

[@AspasiaB]

Thank you! I was scrolling the comment section looking for someone else who recognized Robin Givens.

[@SiCrewe]

I must have watched a dozen christmas movies, this year, where the basic premise is "somebody dies and gets put back on Earth at christmas for reasons and then falls in love". First one had me thinking it was an interesting idea but by the time I'd watched half a dozen I was starting to become disturbed at the idea that the world is filled with christmas zombies who stalk the streets in search of love instead of brains.

[@XanthinZarda]

Not even the _fun_ kind of Zombie, but weird religious zombies who don't thrive off the flesh of others, but "twou wuv".

[@ladyabaxa]

@@XanthinZarda Sounds kind of like a vampire or lich of some sort, just powered by draining people who become emotionally invested in them. Maybe trying to build an army to fight Santa Claus?

[@IsaacKuo]

Plot twist: They're BOTH Christmas love zombies. And it's not a zombie story it's a ghost story. Cameo by Haley Joel Osment as a background character who gives the couple a funny look but shuffles away mumbling. (No one else has anything but the most superficial "interaction" with the OTP.) Title of the movie: "Christmas Love Zombie"

[@sinCorazon1980]

technically isn't Christmas about the birth of the original Zombie?

[@jentzi23]

I wonder what happens if zombie is sent back but during the transfer their supposed "true love" dies and is also sent back.. since they ignored each other the first time, is there a chance they'll do it again? Tbh now when I think about it, usually people who are sent back to earth die again, don't they? I have only seen 2 but there it was a "You wanna get into heaven? Go get enamored! But if you fail-" and I lost the plot after that. So if both are zombies, they won't traumatize the person they aim for... Or they'll end up traumatizing others.

[@alpimarzi5501]

The “Ew, nevermind” made me laugh SO HARD that I had to THANK YOU @pushinguproses, you are the BEST, omg, made me feel so validated 😂😂😂

[@mathieuleader8601]

Imagine if this movie was about a cult that summons an otherworldly monster a giant sentinent heart from the glass heart decorations and the heart slowly kills people off by strangling people with its tendrils and can only return back to its hellscape only when Nat and Chris confess their love.

[@hollyhobgoblin8838]

I would love a dark comedy parody movie that begins as if it's going to be a cookie cutter Hallmark movie- bland editing, bad acting, everything- only to take a huge pivot in which a Lovecraftian horror plot begins. Seriously. Someone team up with me to make this. I can't imagine we would have less of a budget than these things usually do.

[@andrewrobinson4019]

My thoughts exactly.

[@RedSpade37]

@@hollyhobgoblin8838 We need this

[@klaythoring1326]

Like a hallmark romance Hot Fuzz!

[@wuraolaolagunju]

@@klaythoring1326 "the greater good..."

[@puncherofbread]

I think the idea of a romcom where the main character's backgrounds change every scene would be kinda funny. Like every scene the genre changes from "being in love with a firefighter" to "on love with a chef". But more importantly it's just played straight, none of the characters acknowledge the shifts ever. I don't know why but I think it would actually make for an interesting watch.

[@krellend20]

I don't think I've laughed as much at a video all year. Tre excellent!

[@QuestionBlockGaming]

I know that the last two years were rough on a lot of people, but Melissa Joan Hart and Jason Priestley don't look like themselves in this movie, they just look like people wearing ill-fitting Melissa Joan Hart and Jason Priestly costumes.

[@sebastianevangelista4921]

This Christmas special is severely lacking in Daleks. In all seriousness though Roses can make just about anything sound interesting.

[@GeneralBulldog54]

Just reminded me that since 2017, there's been no Doctor Who Christmas Special. I never knew how much I'd miss them until they weren't there.

[@DasKame]

Every Holiday needs more Daleks

[@noahhobson4521]

No, not even Roses can make this piece of dreck sound interesting.

[@bela516]

EXTERMINATE!! EXTERMINATE!!!!

[@sebastianevangelista4921]

@@noahhobson4521 I wouldn't want to actually watch it so much as it is that she makes it sound amusing.

[@sonadowfangirl30869]

- Chris Massey. - "I'll see you tomorrow" "you sound so sure" "I'm sure" - "I have to go back to one of my many places of employment" - Nearly every Christmas movie cliche under the sun I feel like this movie was lowkey self-aware.

[@thefinalme]

If I met I guy with a name like Chris Masey who kept appearing in my life, I’d tell all my loved ones about him so they’d know who did me in.

[@SuperSoakerTree]

I just barely discovered this channel 20 minutes ago and I love it already.

[@drskelebone]

She has that nice cushy podcasting job, and she's driving Chicago->Nevada? I call BS right there. This has a fantastic cast with Robin Givens and Ed Bagley Jr in addition to the named stars. Did everyone just decide they needed to get out of the house for a bit, and might as well get a paycheck while doing so? Do we meet the sister's partner, or is that just something we're not supposed to bring up? ETA: Nevermind.

[@rickrollerdude]

TBH this is probably Melissa Joan Hart doing an Adam Sandler: Using her production company to give her buddies and acquaintances a nice paycheck without a lot of heavy lifting.

[@mortimerbrewster3671]

Do we know what city she is driving to? I ask because your nit-picking about driving made me laugh a little when you said she was driving from a city to a state. Personally, as someone who drives all over the country, I don't find driving plot points to be ridiculous. I can afford flying and it doesn't scare me, I'm just really sick of the TSA, feeling like I'm being herded like cattle and the obnoxious people (travelers and staff). Give me a car and an open road and I'm a happy person.

[@unicornsandrainbowsandchic2336]

Holidays in handcuffs is a classic. Fight me. 😂

[@leilayeseniam]

Man, Ed Begley Jr. (Side of Joe guy) is one incredible guy. He had a show a couple of years ago where he would show how to be environmentally conscious person. Him and his wife were so wonderful in that show. Also loved him in She Devil.

[@DasKame]

Wasn't he Roseanne's Husband in "The She-Devil?"

[@leilayeseniam]

@@DasKame yes he was!!

[@DivaViews]

I also love all the work he's done with Christopher Guest's films like Best in Show.

[@kathyjuola6317]

Anymore, I'm surprised when Ed Begley Jr. is NOT in something I'm watching. He is in everything!

[@cityhawk]

Isn’t he also in Young Sheldon?

[@registromalplena2514]

One or give it credit for not following the usual tropes. Two I will never look at Josh futterman father the same way again. Three I'm reminded of this song, I'm going to marry me a tow-truck driver, from Sand Keith's the Maxx.

[@desereetouchet9294]

I’m surprised you didn’t mention the empty backgrounds and total avoidance of crowd scenes due to filming during covid, it was kind of creepy.

[@kylemulkey9659]

I gotta admit, I like the announcement of "breaks" for ads. I wish more people did this