Q&A: Bathroom Bill, Social Dysphoria, Physical Dysphoria, Starting HRT, Integration, and Validation.

[@miyahollands6136]

I am totally frustrated with how the toilet situation has been blown out of proportion. here in the UK, authorities, politicians, and HR, like to use the tag line of toilets, are "safe spaces". therefore it allows them to still say we are excepting of trans, but at the same time, justify the exclusion of trans people. I had just started a new job - before I started, I was invited to discuss how they can make the working environment as welcoming as possible. I mentioned the toilets, to which HR took a sharp intake of breath! straight away they are thinking toilets are safe spaces, and we don't want to affend others if I was to use the female toilets. they said "we'll re-brand the disabled WC as "neutral", so you are not being forced to use the male WC - This lasted about 2 days before I realised "hay, I'm not fucking disabled!" Not using the female toilets marked me out as being different. it felt like every time I used the disabled WC, I was outing myself, I might as well as had a huge sign saying I was trans! I asked my support group, and they were very damming of this situation. they mentioned taking in a copy of the equalities act in to show HR. But to me, I felt as if I was turning my needs into a debate! so, I simply just started using the female toilets. I didn't tell HR, I didn't ask for any approval. but I was ready with the equalities act, should anyone complain. guess what, nobody did. 9 times out of 10, whenever I used the toilet, I was the only one in the room. if someone else came in, our paths never crossed. because female toilets are all individual cubicles! ironically, news and media tend to focus on female toilets, but you will only be in a situation, where you will have to share WC facilities, when you're in the male toilets - I.e. the urinals! The media are fixed on the one narrative of a trans person is someone who was a man, now a woman! and all their policies are structured in this manner. just gose to show how little they actually know! regardless of what journey a trans person is on - Using the WC they are more aligned with doesn't instantly make them a pedophile. It's just someone who needs to pee, just like everyone else!

[@Kaaatieee]

Honestly, stories like this and others are part of why I think I don't want to transition. It's too much hassle dealing with this. Any time in out and need to use the bathroom it invokes an anxiety. Is this the time in going to get funny looks or comments... Literally want to use the facilities in peace. Maybe fix a little bit of makeup and move on. Early experimental days I'd use the men's.. and guess what.. I've been abused and mocked so many times...

[@Kaaatieee]

And in to of that, a big bit of my anxiety is because I really don't want to make others uncomfortable.. like I'd die if someone felt unsafe because of my presence. Even if they are uncomfortable based on unfounded fears.

[@miyahollands6136]

@Kaaatieee don't let a bit of inconvenience stop you from being open and honest with yourself. It is a very small thing, that some very narrow-minded people have used to fuel their own views. But they have to learn to respect other people's personal life choices. If you transition, do it for yourself, to make you feel happier being you. don't try to deny, or suppress it, because it will find a way to bite you in the ass! it is not every time, that is the thing. whenever I'm out and about, I use the female toilets and haven't encountered one complaint. As I said, this is something that has been blown way out of proportion, and they need to start smell what they're shovelling!

[@vanessaleblanc2583]

Great post. I remember going through this trepidation stage, until I realized my space mattered, I mattered and nothing about my existence was open to scrutiny. If someone did feel offended, then maybe HR should invest in educating others about keeping their own shit together, no different than they already do in every other aspect of any organized work force. Stand up for you because nobody has the authority or right to erase your humanity.

[@miyahollands6136]

@vanessaleblanc2583 keeping their shit together, great point! but sometimes HR fear any situation that could potentially make people forget where they left their shit, and so prefer to avoid the trouble it may bring. in the end, there wasn't any shit to loose, so maybe HR needs to educated also

[@FlowCat]

Recently found your content. I started my transition only a few weeks ago, and am waiting on starting hormone therapy. Thank you so much. This is such an amazing resource. You've answered so many questions and concerns during this extremely confusing time for me. ❤ Blessed Be.

[@randirosehooper8315]

Thank you Dr Z love your channel!

[@DRZPHD]

Thanks for watching!

[@SpiritoftheWoods863]

Here in Canada, gender neutral bathrooms are becoming more common, and it's not a huge issue to begin with. I still look for single washrooms or gender neutral like Starbucks. Dressing well, like another commenter mentioned helps in all situations from my experience. The whole bathroom issue reminds me of segregation - like the movie Hidden Figures..ridiculous.. ❤🏳️‍⚧️🇨🇦

[@Genevieve111]

It is 'Segregation'... it's Sexual Segregation.

[@DRZPHD]

Thanks for sharing!

[@harrispinkham]

I am out at work and now have to use the “gender neutral” bathroom five floors down 😂 it’s hilarious to me. Luckily there’s an elevator.

[@DRZPHD]

lol

[@SPTunnelMotor]

Hi Helen, same here, but instead I chose to use the gender neutral bathroom one floor down for two reasons: 1 - I avoid any conflict within myself (hate feeling kind of guilty when 'intruding' CIS Zones... (something I will have to work on in the process) and with others. 2 - It's completely lockable from the hallway and you have a moment to be just by yourself, as I often struggle with social interactions. - What really blows my mind right now is how deeply segregated our societies still are...

[@harrispinkham]

@@SPTunnelMotor right? I didn’t realize how gendered everything is

[@-Star-Soul]

Love you!

[@marradka2584]

How does someone with just Social Dysphoria go through socially transitioning without getting hormones and surgery? When I tried this, everyone still could tell that I had a male body. If I dressed really feminine, then people would be ok with me using the women’s bathroom, and people would use the correct pronouns for me, but I would also get treated as male a lot: female bodied people would still be more modest around me, like they wouldn’t want to share a changing room with me even though they were ok sharing it with another female bodied friend. And only bisexual women or straight women would flirt with me. It felt really obvious to me that on a subconscious or instinctual level most people still saw me as male. So, it seems like the only way to really get rid of the Social Dysphoria is to change my body so that other female women will see and relate to me as female. Like socially, if people percieve me as male, then this causes social Dysphoria; it makes me self-conscious and most of all it makes me feel rejected and socially isolated. I just don’t understand how it counts as transitioning when lesbians automatically consider undateable even though I am a woman. I decided to physically transition because I want a normal life. I understand that I might not pass all the time, even after facial surgery and voice therapy, but at least if I don’t have a penis, then people might accept me socially as a woman more completely. Are there really people with social Dysphoria that are ok being perceived as their AGAB?

[@visaman]

Do you dress as a woman, or a traditional male in social situations? If you dress in a male clothes, then it might be easier to use the male bathroom. You can still wear feminine underwear, if that will help. You might want to watch the Ed Wood, film, Glen or Glenda? It is from the 1950s, but, some of it is still relevant today.

[@robynrox]

Dr Z, as always, I appreciate your Q&As. Another question if I may, and I'm going to keep it short: Is it possible for the escalating level of societal transphobia we see today to have an effect on one's internal sense of gender - in a kind of "wearing away your transness," if you will, or pushing one's gender identity itself (as opposed to gender expression) in a different direction? Thank you!

[@DRZPHD]

Great question, adde to Q&A.

[@weebhatecrew330]

Dr. Z you ever listen to Ekaterina Lesovaya? I think she's amazing.

[@BCSchmerker]

+DRZPHD *Concerning Question 1 (Time **00:52**), small businesses as a general rule are **_not_** large enough for all-gender washrooms, as budgets contraindicate 'em.* Would that were otherwise, as all-gender washrooms would be enby-ideal.

[@DRZPHD]

Thanks for sharing!

[@HAMILTONPROVIDEO]

I had a friend from Wiesbaden Germany back in the 1970s and seem to remember her talking about the fact that in some areas of Europe there had never been gender separation in public bathrooms. In other words it was a normal thing. Is that true?

[@DRZPHD]

Don’t know. There is gender separation in bathrooms in Russian for sure.

[@miranda.cooper]

I've been having what I think are breaks in dissociation. Moments where I feel 100% present in the world, I'd say 150% more present than usual. And in these moments I see my hands as these cute girly hands and everything about me, my room, etc just has a "girl" vibe to it. Am I dissociating the rest of the time? This happens sometimes when I wake up in the morning (and goes away quickly once I see myself in the mirror or worse, when I talk using my "default" voice), when I manage to get into a girl voice and settle into myself, when I'm gendered correctly by a stranger without needing to correct or anything, and when I get high on weed (was a big coping strategy for me until I started dissociating so bad I'd actually think I was in hell (also ex-Christian)). If this is me breaking from dissociation, how do I break more? And when I get dysphoric again it's awful and really scary how actually real this is, how can I get through the switch between feeling "right" and feeling dysphoric without resorting to dissociating?

[@DRZPHD]

Hi and thanks for sharing. In regards to dissociations, I always recommend reaching out to your local therapist as they can be part of dysphoria but can also be a stand alone issue.

[@MsChristyCox]

Morning DrZ ❤❤❤ I don't shop in places that don't have gender neutral bathrooms.

[@miranda.cooper]

If I did that there'd only be maybe a handful of places I could go lol luckily the only problem I've had in the women's restroom is the lock didn't work on my stall once and a lady walked in on me... nothing yet to do with my transition lol

[@DRZPHD]

I hear you, but even that can still make things challenging as not many places have them.

[@mememe5437]

Truck driver here. I've gone to the bathroom from Miami to Seattle La to longisland and everywhere in between. I've never had not even one altercation, not one! Actually I wig out sometimes lol because the butch androgynous dressing women come in and I think it's a dude lol totally flips my mind, and they're not even messed with, so I don't ever worry about it anymore. If anyone does ever give me a problem I'm a women I can mind f*** em! They will be apologizing to me for making a mistake real quick 😅

[@MsChristyCox]

I find im much less attacked on Instagram than Facebook.

[@DRZPHD]

Yes I noticed that IG for some reason is more friendlier.

[@78mharie]

This has gone out of common thinking! Thanks to the goverment nuts!

[@DRZPHD]

Please explain "common thinking?"

[@78mharie]

@@DRZPHD Gender is so big a deal that all have lost sight of get the government to operate the way it is meant to ! ! ! ! !