Q&A: Brain damage after abuse | Learning to self-trust again | Narcs & their kids & more

Today I am answering your questions such as: brain damage after abuse, learning to trust yourself again, explaining to people why you went No Contact with your narcissistic mother, narcissists and their kids, and differentiating between triggers and intuition when you're entering new relationships.
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NOTE: Meredith Miller is not a therapist or counselor. She is a holistic integration coach, helping you to self-heal and transform your life after narcissistic abuse and toxic relationships. Meredith teaches the mindsets and tactical skills to help with recovery. She works with a mind-body-spirit approach to wellness that is a valuable complement to traditional psychotherapy. Meredith recommends that you also seek out a licensed therapist who has experience with narcissistic abuse and relational trauma in order to help you with the complex-PTSD symptoms. Thank you for taking responsibility for yourself!

[@nevaehb.4371]

The brain damage will heal as soon as you are safe and able to evolve...but it will take a long time and it is a very rocky road where you need to be careful to not fall into another predator's trap.

[@mattrussillo4587]

If it was only one relationship ,maybe. If it's an entire family history that's another story.

[@jackhammer8061]

Yes absolutely. Exercise, especially cardio or endurance exercises - actually helps to GROW NEW BRAIN CELLS! The scientists used to believe that’s not possible about a decade ago, but they discovered it’s not actually the case and there’s a chemical called something like BDT or something, which your brain releases when you workout.

[@nevaehb.4371]

@@mattrussillo4587 It is possible that you are right. I come from an extremely toxic family with several Cluster B's. I have healed a lot since I went no contact about 15 years ago...though healing was very slow. I often joke that my healing takes as long as those crazy people influenced my life...and maybe this is true. It got better for me but I have to admit some situations and people still trigger me like hell. It's also true that working out helps A LOT.

[@jackhammer8061]

And it REALLY works. The best route to recover that I’ve found so far is a combination of exercise, drinking LOTS of water, taking nootropic supplements like Choline, and getting a huge full spectrum of nutrients with stuff like the Ensure or Boost drinks and/or those Emergen-C packets(the ones that come with 1000mg of vitamin C - it also has a ton of other good stuff) often times there can be one or certain nutrients or vitamins that your specific brain/body genetically really needs more of to fully thrive & actualize itself - but which we aren’t/can’t get naturally from our diets. And drinking these on top of your natural diet once a month or every other week will make a difference that you can really feel. Vitamin D also is something that 70% of people don’t get enough of, and contributes to brain fog, energy levels (

[@elhadjdiallo633]

Wow you have touch soo many lives in this universe!!!!! Thank you. So much

[@geraldinemckernan9129]

My narc mother passed away when I was in my early 20's she tortured me mental for years on her death bed I could not even hold her hand ..I have never regretted this decision I am now in my 50's my life has been more enriched without her in it ..Amen

[@ladyconi1]

Literally, i thought i was in early Alzheimer’s in my late 30s. I had no idea that this was a lingering effect of narc abuse. I was sooo scared I was losing my mind!! Thank God for these resources!

[@keeksie7590]

Yes me too! At the age of 25. Still going through it.

[@sage9836]

Absolutely. I forgot words or was just be unable to speak after a bad discard. That problem went away.

[@melissaoconnell5648]

Me, too - all of the above. Although the brain fog became immensely consuming for almost five years, I now recognize the initial brain injury is from a string of sustained head injuries endured throughout my childhood. I struggled with maintaining attention span and retaining present conversations depending on the environment and whether or not I felt at ease. Having received better sleep over the past year, I'm grateful to say there's been improvement.

[@sarahstrong7174]

Please, please can you get a brain doctor to do a video on this. It is hard to get information on this.

[@jensbasement3862]

You aren't alone! I thought I totally lost it too. I seriously thought my brain was seizing up and ready to eat itself into oblivion. I pray everyday for God to heal the damage done to me.

[@Itsjustme222]

What's tragic is when the addrenalin rush starts to feel normal.

[@jendavis9374]

That has to be the most real comment. I only feel normal when things are in chaos

[@prepforlife4425]

And hands shaking and tingling:(

[@dolphinliam888]

The body keeps the record. Listen to it

[@JustHeavenlyThings]

OMG. so much can't remember. hard to focus and concentrate. I knew it was associated with trauma but no one believed me.

[@KYRA_FX]

I feel you 100% (: I can relate

[@mikewilliams9949]

Same here ....

[@Mac-sb6dr]

Jovida Benson ditto

[@kittyskorner3441]

It took me years to realize that I have been dissociating my entire life. The predators in my life have always known that if I remember what they've done to me all they have to do is traumatize me thoroughly and my amnesiac dissociation will kick in and I will have forgotten again.

[@badgrfan]

If you can't remember anything, then how do you get through college successfully?

[@joybenson419]

I had my brain scanned at The Amen Clinic. My amygdala is lit up like neon lights. I have suffered with narc abuse from childhood and have C-PTSD. Recovery is a long road.

[@InnerIntegration]

Wow! Thanks so much for sharing that! Keep us posted if you have a follow up scan down the road in your self-healing process.

[@bigd3721]

Where can I get the scan and what is it called?

[@chapiit08]

Same here, fucked up big time. Don't even care about life anymore.

[@kissinkatebarlow3882]

chapiit08 Stay strong 💜

[@kissinkatebarlow3882]

chapiit08 Obviously we don't know each other & I'm not pretending to give a shit like some crisis hotline and basically most people, but for whatever it's worth I care.

[@DedraAllen007]

I have personally experienced this type of brain lag after abuse and serious depression resulting from a 10 year abusive relationship. It does get better with therapy, and time. You will learn to trust yourself again after, study, personal work on yourself, & your self confidence and learning to stay connected. You will learn to develop true friendships and support systems. Stay connected to your positive support systems. Narcissists are masters of disguise. You will learn to not care about what others think about your no contact with that person. They do not know the inner workings of your personal family relationships. Do not discuss or explain. You know who the narcissistic abuser is.

[@daniellem2033]

I needed this. ❤️

[@aires8441]

You are so right about the "mother" thing. People just can't fathom a narcissistic mother no matter how evil they are.

[@GeordiLaForge1974]

Wow! I was raised by a narcissist mother and for 19 years I dealt with the direct abuse. When I finally left home at the young age of 19 I suffered a lot at the hands of unloving human beings and I ended up falling into depression and then into addictive destructive behaviors. I finally married a wonderful, loving woman who had to deal with my childhood issues. She suffered a lot during our first years of marriage because of my childhood traumas, but she saw through me and helped me become a better husband and father. If it weren’t for her unconditional love, I would be lost. Because of her, we raised a wonderful son who loves and trusts me. I’m now 45 and I still have to deal with the triggers that can put me back in a dark place, but as I get older I’ve learnt to have better control over my emotions.

[@The_Codependency_Cure_PsyM]

I've changed my way of interacting with people. I was so easy going before, now I am loving most human beings at a distance. Well like most professionals out there do right. I was so easy to reach. Now I'm in relationship with myself and it's enough. And I don't want to change or reverse.

[@cynthiahaber5731]

I divorced my mother many years ago , just saw her at a funeral, happy to say I have totally detach .Now I am in the process of detaching from my covert narcissist. He hid it well, thanks to you and others , I now know what the hell happen. I am making a clean break

[@Hawaiiansky11]

I grieve more for a man I loved when I was a teenager who died in 2017, than I have for my own mother, or probably will for any of the rest of my family of origin.

[@moyamontgomery1468]

I spent decades listening to people telling me how wonderful my mother was and how much they adored her and it literally made me sick. I wasted so much energy trying to convince people of the reality and no one listened so I stepped away. It nearly drove me crazy. What people say really doesn't matter. What I think and feel and spend my time on does.

[@fksdnkefknfeefwbfebid]

once you get away from the narcissist you will see the difference in your body and mind. it is the best feeling of freedom you will being to know. aaaah its so freeing!!! #NOCONTACT #GETAWAYFROMTHENARCISSIST!!!

[@fksdnkefknfeefwbfebid]

Courtshannon just take it day by day and one step at a time

[@moniquemariemuniz]

Eye twitching started at 15 yrs of age for me. It stopped at 18 yrs old and returned when I was 29 when I found myself in abusive relationship. Very similar to childhood abuse. Wild. Be aware of your body

[@Hawaiiansky11]

I had bizarre 'seizures' in two separate abusive relationships. When I had a 'mild' one in a later relationship, after decades of not experiencing that, I knew something wasn't right.

[@alainac4611]

I definitely needed to hear this as of recent. I cut off my narcissistic mother back in February and just like you said...my life completely turned around within weeks. New job, far less anxiety, boosted self-confidence, more direction and motivation, my memory and emotions are slowly returning. I have not enjoyed being so detached but it has been necessary to cope as you know. Her number is blocked but I can see when she leaves me voicemails. Sometimes the guilt overwhelms me and I am not certain if I’m making the right decision. I do not talk to my 3 blood siblings or my father and life gets lonely and defeating at times. It is just me. I am so thankful for you Meredith, I see how strong you are alone and it gives me strength to know I am not the only one in this situation. By the way, I loved your beach video. You seem at peace and that is just fantastic. I can’t thank you enough for all that you have shown me! 😘

[@payettesatori8889]

I’m just finding this video now. I’m curious how your decision worked out. Would love to connect.

[@laruefromtheblue]

Can relate too. I went no contact again two weeks ago. Best decision but I am alone too and it's hard.

[@free2beme39]

Same here. Left family and siblings. I saw at a young age that I couldnt wait to leave their drama.

[@lindareid7153]

You have made the correct decision. There is no way to have a healthy relationship with a narc parent. Guilt is the ultimate manipulation tool - they rely on your need to make them feel better about themselves (at your expense) , your ability to keep forgiving them and being the bigger person will also be used shamelessly. If you wish to stay sane and healthy - dont fall for it. You were most likely a parentified child. These are deeply damaged and damaging people. Move away.

[@free2beme39]

@@lindareid7153 Totally! A parentified child was keeping me locked in to their drama. I just figured something out this week, my step mother has schizophrenia and possibly step sister. AND TO THINK MY HEART ACHED FOR THEIR RELATIONSHIP. NO MORE NOW! I am fortunate to have never been around them much thats why I never knew till now, decades later. They were severely jealous.

[@elorahhh]

I have a feeling that finding your channel today is gonna save my life. I cannot thank you ENOUGH for existing.

[@kjtamf]

Elora Lyda Some of these channels really are life changing in a positive way , I’m so greatfull there still are women that dedicate there time to explain & verbalise abuse & toxic people to survivors ..... I never knew there was so many other ways to heal ourselves & choices to heal , I always thought my only choice left after abuse was counselling to help heal , but I find writing & watching some of these videos ,very helpfull to healing , & it saves time & money wasted that we as abuse survivors sometimes don’t have. I’m so greatfull I also found these videos to , I truly believe they do save lives , by preventing further abuse , & empowering potential victims or survivors..... definitely a blessing 🙏🏻🇬🇧❤️

[@Pecan215]

After watching this exceptionally helpful video, I'm now an official Meredith Miller fan. What I like about Meredith is she encourages us to wake up - and learn to trust - our intuition and body to guide us through life. The world has become so complex that doing self-care isn't optional any longer. Don't know about you, but often we don't have healthy mentors who guide and direct us. Meredith gives us hope that yes, we can do it...we can be healthy and strong and wise through waking up our own guidance system. Highly recommend Meredith's teachings.

[@paulbarrett635]

Very true. This is the second time in my life that i have realised my decline in both IQ and memory. It's not good.

[@leeboriack8054]

Being on the narcissist's emotional roller coaster of manipulation 24 / 7 addicts you to the adrenaline. The fright flight mode keeps your mind from being able to use it's intellectual abilities.

[@CMeaganMichael]

My body (gut) is now a pretty finely tuned instrument :) We've come a long way baby... :) Great video... again.

[@calmdowngurl]

Nice!

[@Jessanangel]

I'm so thankful my Spirit guided me to your wisdom. I've left my situation & I Am ready to be ready to receive & be involved in a healthy, romantic love relationship. Your videos continue to help me a year later.

[@curvycathy2178]

This is so CRAZY!!! And so true when you were talking about how the abuse screws with your memory. After I got hurt by a narcissistic "friend" and even a former significant other I couldn't articulate myself anymore and I began to stutter and my grades completely dropped and I failed a lot of my tests. .it was a dramatic shift. It was as if I regressed or took 200 steps backward as if I was a child again. My perspective of time was completely warped. Im still trying to get myself together and I stopped talking to the horrible people who manipulated me and constantly took digs at things they knew hurt me the most. I've definitely realized not everyone who says they love me actually does neither do they have good intentions for me.

[@tiffanycherry6483]

I can relate....I feel like I have regressed back to a child as well. I feel like it's the toxic environment that I'm in that's effecting my life. I'm doing everything I can to get out so I can grow and continue to heal!!

[@PortraitofAsha]

It destroyed my academic life.

[@mervismoyo4767]

DO NOT LET PEOPLE PULL YOU INTO THEIR OWN REALITY.......WOW. THANKS....💖

[@nicselectronics81]

I did unfortunately, my family, their reality is HELL on Earth

[@hannam8705]

I agree people will try to deny your truth. I sometimes question and doubt myself.

[@OceanOfLight]

Talatu Moh I completely relate to this. I believe they program us to doubt ourselves because it serves them. They somehow seem to never doubt themselves. Trust your gut, it will not lead you wrong. Why not start to flip it around and doubt the person who has proven to be untrustworthy? It works for me when I start doubting myself the way I was programmed to do since birth by my toxic mom. I hope this helps:) You were strong enough to survive the abuse, so it stands to reason that you are more than strong enough to Thrive and heal going forward.

[@eleniallen2083]

Thank you Meridith, i come from a large Greek family and letting go of my mother literally meant letting go of my whole family of origin..siblings, cousins, uncles aunts ect ect.. ita been about 3years now and it was the best choice for my personal growth... thank you xxx

[@angieburke1268]

Keep going. Never let them back in for any reason especially if you are in a financially or emotionally vulnerable state. These types will kick you hardest when you are down or do something to bring you down. Keep beauty and joy around you.

[@perfectlovenofear8060]

Eleni I hear your heart. Am there right now.

[@calmdowngurl]

Bless your heart

[@manonty2417]

@@angieburke1268 well said

[@free2beme39]

Same here. Its hard but its best.

[@SaraFaithJacobsen]

wow makes sooo much sense. i have forgotten so much of my childhood. wow thank you.

[@CynthiaSchoenbauer]

I finally get what you are talking about when I can say that that is not my reality. No one else really supports this in me but you so I am very grateful. I just breathed a great sigh of relief! And I like your story about how your body knew something your intellect could not see.

[@mariepresho706]

You just said this amnesia thing after I wrote this. I’m so upset now that he caused this to my memory.

[@lmh7121]

Gosh Meredith you really knock the ball out of the park with this video. I’m gonna watch it again and again. So many good points in here. Thanks for cussing by the way. I particularly loved your reference to “Martha f’ing Stewart”! Fabulous, awesome video. Thank you so much for creating this video for us.

[@BigHeartNoBS]

My narc family literally turned my brain inside out. When I had my near death experience the Light healed and rewired my brain so I could see my life as it really was rather than how my abusive family wanted me to see it. A freaking miracle.

[@michelleantoinette8027]

I believe I was first introduced to your work watching a video about adult children who have taken the position of Narcissistic abuser. My mother is one. I have dealt with that. I became aware of narcissism because I did not wish to be her buy I did not understand abuse. My daughter's father is one. My second and third husband are. Every relationship I have had is with one. Now I feel responsible for my daughter's pain. I had custody of her babies because she abused the father. I was forced to go no contact with her out of my survival. Out of only 5 friends I had left out of self imposed isolation, everyone was a narcissist. I am going to heal and rise if I could just leave my room. KZbin is my baby steps.... I'm improving ...thank God for KZbin University lol true story

[@clairelariviere111]

Thanks for this video. I was talking with a social worker friend about the difference between trusting your intuition even when there is no tangible evidence to support it, and anxiety. I was finally able to see that I feel my intuition in the core of my body and anxiety in my brain. This is a huge insight for m and one that will serve me well when I take the time to really feel what is happening and take action based on what serves me best.

[@saliob32]

Do you think having heart palpitations and pain in the throat or belly while apprehending an apparently “normal situation would be intuition ?

[@veronicar7633]

You are so calm and collected, I strive to be like this more. ✨

[@SilverGirl-925]

The hardest thing for me has been the gossip and demonizing of me behind my back. I know it goes on and it seems impossible not to be bothered by it. I'm always writing long letters to people in my mind where I keep trying over and over again to explain. But I can never really think what to say and so I don't actually write or explain anything to anyone. It's painful to think about, but just hearing you talk about it and finally realizing that it really may be possible to overcome this someday does help.

[@kimberlybass1824]

angelina pirkle I write letters in my mind too. Must come from strong need to not be misunderstood. Idea of valued members of my family believing the narcs twisted narrative makes me incensed

[@SilverGirl-925]

Kimberly Bass; Yes, exactly. I'm realizing that what Meredith said about not living in their reality, and finding my own, really helps me. If they are believing things that are not true, then they are pretty much living in a fantasy world.

[@missari05]

Stay strong and on the course of healing. A new normal will emerge if you stay consistent. There is nothing wrong with you lovely. Stay strong!!

[@SingularForce]

I once thought if I wrote a book about my life, it would be titled 'I can explain myself, if you'd only listen." When I thought hard on that it made me angry - they don't want to understand - and that stopped my desire to write those letters.

[@patriciaclark1492]

angelina pirkle Go no contact with those who are not aware of the abuse. Surround yourself with those who build you up and have your back. You will never get anywhere trying to take up for yourself because the devil is in the details and will always be in the details of the narcissist life and those the narcissists are in contact with. The source is pure evil working through these puppets and you need to realize that is where the true power resides , that is how these juvenile manipulators succeed because their soul is in communion with demonic forces. Resist the urge to fight for yourself and pray and use God's words for your shield. Self doubt and robbing killing destroying is what they bring into your life. Jesus and His TRUTH said that He came and His truth will separate families! If you hold the truth in high regard then you will not let loneliness or lack of money or anything drag you back into contact with soul destructive people.

[@dztronic1616]

Thank you Meredith. You are a treasure for this community. Send you all my love. ❤

[@ChildofGod4444]

Oh my GOD. I've been following you for a little less than a year. What you said just gave me goosebumps. My eye would twitch EVERY TIME I was with this guy for a few months. It ended after I cut him off and my GOD. MY EYE NEVER TWITCHED IN MY LIFE. It just never was a thing for me. I thought I was dehydrated, or something because I was working a lot. Wow. I never listened to by body before. This was a huge confirmation. Thank you!!

[@janev9465]

RochellCreates my eye twitched for weeks when I was getting divorced from my first narc.

[@angelaknox]

RochellCreates me too, I had so much stress in my body I ended up in the hospital when I got a flare up with my health issues. I just thought it was me and my anxiety.

[@joanpowell6351]

Me too

[@terri1028]

My body is so telling, my anxiety shot up, I would get unbelievable stomach pain, diarrhea, nauseated my gut was telling me I was with a very toxic person.

[@trance212]

Fantastic comment! My body reaction when I’m around these types of people is that my chest tightens and I have trouble breathing properly, along with that frozen feeling when a prey is being stalked by a predator. My mind would be in shut down mode. It still happens but now I immediately tell myself to get out of the situation quick.

[@luci5173]

I think everyone has to develop their own statement of what to say to others about family members that have been cut off. I have settled on this: "We could not reach an agreement that I deserved to be treated with dignity respect and love, so I ended the relationship." And bonus this statement is in complete alignment with my own integrity. It's short and simple but deadly accurate.

[@InnerIntegration]

Love that statement you're using!

[@Phoenix-kf4xo]

I have just started to say : you can't keep hurting a person and expect them to keep loving you. All adults deserve to be treated with respect. But it's not age that defines maturity. It's behaviour!

[@macoeur1122]

Wow, this one is jam packed with things I can relate to. I have one narc sister and another sister who is spellbound and doesn't see it....I have recently been grappling with how I can handle this situation....Don't want to cut my non-narc sister out of my life, but feeling like I need almost as much distance from her as the narc because it's still a kind of "gaslighting" experience....as unconscious as that gaslighting may be. The narc is a master triangulator and uses the non-narc sister in ways that she is completely unconscious of. I can see this as it's happening and can therefore at least know that my non-narc sister is not intentionally trying to screw with me....she is just unaware of how she's being used....but it takes far too much energy for me to have to "untangle" these twisted webs as they're happening. It's more than I should have to deal with, and more than I "want" to deal with....and as I'm re-wiring myself to hold my own wants as "valid", I'm feeling more and more like this is "not my job" to save my non-narc sister from her own unconscious patterns....as much as I love and care about her. All I can do is "offer" what I see....I can't force her to see what she's not ready to see. I believe there is an element of that power dynamic in play here as well....Where she wants to have me AND the narc sister (partially because of her obvious power) and knows that the only way to have both is to "not see" the abuse and relies on me to just "go with it".... and I'm thinkin' "I'm no longer willing to".

[@kittyskorner3441]

My youngest adult child is doing the same thing to me that your non-narc sister is doing to herself and to you. You helped me to put all this into words, thank you. I love my adult children but they are adults now. My youngest clearly made a choice to join the ranks of our cult like family and allow herself to be used as a weapon to break me down so I would be more suseptible to being sucked back in. I can see what is going on so am not allowing it to happen. To regain my peace of mind I think I have been given no choice but to go no contact again. Like you said, it is not my job to try to show my adult child what she is not wanting to see. It is time for me to free myself completely and to build a happy, fullfilling life that makes me happy.

[@iwantthetruthandnothingbut6521]

Wow! What Clarity of insight you just gave..... I can so relate to it as I'm in the same exact situation and your insights have really helped me to sort it out a little bit more thank you😍😍

[@marybethmarlar]

Still laughing about Martha F****** Stewart! Hahaha. I can totally relate.

[@DevonExplorer]

That's really interesting about memories being lost, as not only did I forget about my childhood but I completely erased the knowledge that I had once been one of Jehovah's Witnesses for ten years. Even when I had counselling after a mental breakdown I didn't even remember that time, and I did receive some pretty intense bullying during that. Ten years completely wiped out. Through a series of odd coincidences I was reminded of it, and I stumbled upon a great forum helping ex-witnesses to recover. That, along with the counselling I'd had, helped the memories to gradually come back, including many others that I'd blocked out. It was unbelievable some of the things that had happened to me and that I accepted. I could sympathise with others who went through similar things but had no sense that what happened to me was just as bad. The amazing thing is that memories do return and my memory is now phenomenal; almost eidetic! :)

[@sarahsmith476]

also you are right about the brain w/ school it happened to me that I would stare at the page and not soak in info. I thought its because i was fixated on XN and figuring out what happened but it was not until 6 months later that i could digest info

[@keeksie7590]

sarah smith I’ve been free of my mother for a year and I’m still struggling with this symptom.

[@Traceyi1000]

IDK if anyone else has experienced this.. when you are so used to not getting a reply from the narc it becomes normal until a normal person responds and validates you. It's a very strange feeling. Does anyone here know this feeling?

[@manonty2417]

MaryLynn Absof#lutely!.. That 's exactly what happens to narc abuse victims!

[@jacqielee2744]

Yes! If someone notices that I have a lot on my plate and manage the load pretty well it is a feeling of shock followed by a cee day mood lift!

[@jstrada4483]

Great video I always love your advice and I take it all in to help me heal through my journey I am 7 months no contact 6 months no drinking I go to gym 4 times a week an I am feeling soo much better its like all my symptoms started going away when I went no contact when I was around my narcs I got migraines eye twitches acne insominia nightmares my gut health was getting out of wack I even got swollen lymph nodes I never in my whole life had these kinds of health issues till I met my narcissistic inlaws also I did alot of crying when I was around them and noticed after a cry I had from them it ended with a horrible migraine and today when I do cry and sometimes I do because its me grieving for mysef for what I went through I just cry and thats that no migraines its crazy I am so grateful for people like you who do these videos and all the survivors who share there stories because it makes me feel validated and I don't feel so alone going through this so I am sending you a great big hug Merrideth 😙

[@luv2cook.]

J Strada punctuation? No offense but jeez..what did u say?

[@starrynight9983]

Amazing! You just described my mother and entire family to me ! I'm the scapegoat for sure ! It's just me on one side and my parents n siblings on the other side. I'm so happy I dont belong in their circle even tho I have to be the "orphan" that is not healthy at all.

[@KomalJhaOnline]

*Seven* *NARCISSISTS* *Disliked* *This* *Video*

[@agent_exodus]

Your difficulty in speaking may be, or may also be, a side effect of being habitually silenced from speaking out about what was happening to you.

[@breakingbombast4439]

Meredith, your Q&A videos are really well done. They are very entertaining (in a good way), and you have a very natural flow when engaging with the various topic. Keep up the good original work, Meredith, I share your content where I can. Inner Integration is by far one of the most quality channels in this “narc-abuse” niche. Thank you for addressing the “bad mother” issue!

[@mishamagik1]

I love when she says that “your going to be the lighthouse that’s guiding them to shore, from the storm out at sea, where they live”. Powerful imagery!!!

[@angieburke1268]

Thank you for telling people to step away from supporters of the narcissistic mother and brother. I have been the scapegoat and emotional toiletbowl for them and moms family. I won't ever have anything to do with her family. Oh my gosh everything you've mentioned is something I have been through or going through. I am middle aged and ill now from keeping in sporadic contact with mom and brother. They make me sick. You are so right about using the child as a tool. I can hardly get away and disentangled from these abusers.

[@ddraft234]

If you're feeling it in your body, pay attention!!! Great advice to live by. Thank you! 🤗

[@donnellallan]

What an amazing video. You told my story, then another aspect of my story, then another and another . . . I feel so validated and encouraged. Thank you, Meredith, for one more great addition to my healing toolkit. You are a treasure.

[@selfreflect8171]

Yes the self trust is the hardest part for me. I have been working on it and building confidence to stay within my integrity. I have come to know that my intuition is never wrong. I may not know exactly whats going on but i pick up on the smallest signs and vibes. Worst thing that could happen by trusting myself vs someone else is maybe making them mad but either way you are preserving self.

[@nancymc]

Thank you Meredith. Learning to care for ourselves will be a lifelong process after narcissistic abuse.

[@originalsongsbyadam2883]

Trusting the body is so critical. We are the only animal that ignores their 6th sense, and the majority of whose entire fellow species tends to reinforce that loss. I found it really interesting how the role of the scapegoat and the golden child can alternate. I also was fascinated by the mentioning of this as a brain injury, in which the amygdala is lit up and the hippocampus, its inverse, tends to shrink, which is the exact opposite in the case of psychopathy. This channel is really great. I had to unsubscribe for a bit since I was binge watching stuff about narcissism, but I'm glad to be back. For someone with CFS/NAVS, this channel is often like a hidden five-star intellectual buffet for the recovering mind and body; nourishing. PS This whole inversion of the limbic system vs the memory centers seems to be an overarching theme in not only NAVS, but also ME/CFS, anxiety, PTSD, OCD, central sensitization disorders etc. I'm going to post a link, something that has helped me to understand both CFS and NAVS, given that both affect the limbic system and the autonomic nervous system in the form of excessive activity/reactivity. Scroll until you see the diagram that says "Amygdala/Insula Hypothesis". Ok, back to the rest of the video. I had to pause to comment. www.guptaprogramme.com/causes-of-me/

[@julimaynes2193]

This was the best all my children turned against me,l cant explain anything to them,because l can feel they dont believe me,but they believe him.l feel discarded and alone,l had to move away to survive and still when l travel to visit,l feel theres lies secrets,and when they think l have done something wrong and l haven't ,but if l try to tell them the truth,lam a liar and manipulator,l know there words would be what there father would use.My guts still feels the fear anxiety,l cant get my life together,its like lam frozen with tiredness and emotions,.My brain would hurt like a band around it and panic cause l couldnt remember ,thats why l left nearly passing out nearly died .it s been 7 years, now l have left Thank you Meredith, l sit here on the computer most of the time listening to these videos to feel better.And this one is really good.

[@kissinkatebarlow3882]

The person who mentioned her mother and the situation surrounding that, basically told a huge part of my life story. So in your response to her, you also responded to me. Thank You! Your response is validation. One side of me is telling me to keep my eyes open to the truth and to follow the instructions of that truth in order to find life. The other side of me is a mental mind fuck of various different voices of other people, both unscrupulous and ignorant. I agree with everything you said. Not getting away from situations like that and allowing others to mentally fuck you & keep you in the madness can cost you your sanity and ultimately your life. It can indeed make you suicidal. To anyone suffering in this situation or similar GET OUT, even if for financial reasons you can't literally get away yet, then ”GET OUT until you can GET OUT" by staying WIDE AWAKE and distancing yourself as best you can.

[@sarahsmith476]

please could you do a video about triangulation where the ex is not "the crazy ex" but is the "ideal gf" and you're always being compared to her? thank you

[@diannedell8405]

Wow! I got so excited when you explained the dynamic of the children identifying with the abuser, as they perceive them as more powerful. That's exactly what happened with my eldest daughter, and now that I am recovering from co-dependency, she has more respect for me. Your words have made me more conscious and motivated me further. I really needed to hear this.

[@miminekevots2776]

You are recovering from codependency but have you been able to drag your daughter back to the good side of the line? Or is it over for you too??? Did she take your son while she was at it, to form a wonderful family of Dad, kids, and your Mom sucks??? I'm 60 and have zero family now from my kid's Dad's words. I have heard my daughter say things so twisted and false; only origin was from father's own mouth. Are you ok accepting YOU have a codependency issue and thus take all of the responsibility for loss of your child? Or have you lost yours as I have? Please clarify how you are since your personal discovery and growth now...

[@diannedell8405]

No, your are wrong, Coast Crystal. And how can I take your comment seriously when you don't spell or express yourself properly.

[@liljerseygirl249]

I'm having a lot of difficulty with anxiety, which causes difficulty concentrating and focusing. I keep repeating to myself you are safe, you are safe, your kids are safe, everything is OK. It helps a little temporarily, but I need a more long term solution. Medication has just made it worse.

[@RippleDrop.]

Thank you Meredith 💗 Rings so many bells it feels like Christmas time again 🔔🔔🎄🔔🔔

[@mariepresho706]

Why can I not remember a lot of my years with him. My girls tell me things he did and I don’t remember

[@suemick8709]

OMG I've been trying to figure out why I have so few memories of a bad 30 year marriage . Thank you for making that point about what long term mental abuse can do. I've come to think of it like being shoved off balance on a constant basis.

[@janedoe5829]

My mother is a narc. She also enjoys playing this game with the grandkids. She has made my oldest the golden child, and my youngest, the scapegoat. She even tried to get me to scapegoat my youngest, but I wouldn't have it. That's when my mother would explode at both of us. We all stay away from her now, and have recently gone no contact. Its great that I live in another state, hours and hours away. I also made sure that she never got my physical address. We get to 'disappear' from her. Its very freeing.

[@narcissismcognitivedissonance]

No need to apologize for the sirens in the background. One of the biggest things we deal with is learning to stop apologizing for things we didn’t do or have no control over. Perception management plays a huge role in our daily battle with cognitive dissonance.

[@kellyt5056]

You are a smart beautiful woman.

[@ultravioletpisces3666]

If you are dating someone and not sure if you are triggered, or picking up on things, while its good to try to learn the difference and trust yourself, its also very possible that you are not ready to date and need to spend some time on/with yourself. If you find in dating that you just cannot sort out confusion or know which is which, their is a super good chance that you aren't in the right place with yourself yet and need to take a break from dating (even if they seem so perfect)

[@marybethmarlar]

Love you girl! Thanks for all your videos!

[@RubberWilbur]

Your family reminds me a lot like mine. My brother I feel was isolated and emotionally abused more than me by our father. He has blocked out everything and can't remember anything. I remember everything. I can talk in detail about little details dating back 30, 40 years ago.

[@banjoreno]

Im only half way thru this video and I gotta say this is ALL bang on info. Thank you so much Meredith! Your videos are great.

[@joelee5875]

Thank you for being here at this time, I really enjoy listening to your postings before work in the mornings as they help me to- as you put it-" honor my feelings," your advice is so smart, I am wishing you the best.

[@violaviola92]

Thank you for answering my question about children. They are little so I am stuck with narcissist for the next 17years I would say.. but I am working hard to heal and get stronger so I will be the one with power in their eyes :) I hope they will see the true one day.. thank you again xx

[@tavarez415]

You are the best! Thank you for this great and well needed information for us all!

[@moniquevamado]

Wow, you nail it on so many levels. I'm so thankful that there are so many ways to heal nowadays which weren't as accessible 20 years ago. There is nope, no matter what you've experienced. You're by far the best channel on this topic and I'll definitely be sharing with clients and fb followers on the topic of boundaries. Thank you for being true to your soul and to your important call in this world. Blessings.

[@demigaines5644]

Thank U For Sharing I Was Emotionally Abused By The Narcissists For Over 4 Yrs As A Result Of The Abuse I Was Jus Diagnosed With Tinnitus, Severe Anxiety. I Have A Lot Of Fear.The Narcissists Discarded Me Horribly..His Favorite Abuse He Like Using Is The Silent Treatment..I Struggle With Going No Contact..

[@Tipster49]

the question and ENTIRE answer about going no contact with the narc Mom is my EXACT situation ✅✅✅ I agree with everything you said 👍🏼 I’m in the early stages of recovery and healing and your videos have helped me a lot

[@wolfesound]

The forgetfulness that becomes the norm after abuse is used against you for further gaslighting. That along with the constant fatigue, it's such a marathon to even rest.

[@ultravioletpisces3666]

This actually explained a lot to me about my relationship with one of my kids.

[@evelynmae1390]

Great video Meredith, every question and answer was very relevant and relatable. Thank you so much!! 🧡

[@betsybroadman4852]

Thanks poppoiiiiii

[@keeksie7590]

So many of these questions opened my eyes even further about my past and narcissistic mother. I can relate so much to what you were saying. I could cry.

[@madelinetackney5597]

thanks Meredith really interesting and educating,soo glad I've come across your videos,thank you xx

[@jackiemarsh2470]

Love this video!! It make so much sense!! Your video's are so informative!! Thank you so very much!

[@msj5807]

Differentiation between being triggered by past abusive relationships and gut instincts/intuitive senses/messages are the most difficult concepts I struggle with. I'm sure I'm not only in that struggle♡ Thank you for another thoroughly educating & healing video

[@BigHeartNoBS]

This helps so much and sheds light. Thank you.

[@elletuppen4844]

You are a great inspiration considering as you suggest you had a challenged childhood. Your energy is so radiant and centered ~ you give many of us hope. Thank you for your mindful conversions🙏🏽

[@emstratman]

WOW. What you described about grandchildren and narcissistic grandparents is exactly what happened to me and my daughter! My dad is a crazy dude, my stepmother has always given me anxiety (huge amounts of it), always insulting and nice at the same time. So manipulative and confusing. They ignored me most of my life, told me bad things about myself and lied about me to others. I always felt like I was victimizing them just by existing. Then I got married and had a baby. They targeted her, when they'd ignored or abused me my entire life. It was frustrating. All this love and care and adoration was being poured out on my child, and I struggled feeling like she deserved the love but also feeling angry they'd never given it to me. They also liked alone visits with her, DEMANDED them, even when she was too young for them since they lived in another state. Whenever I tried to visit with my daughter they got angry and threatened to take me to court for custody 😂 yeah, it's as crazy as it sounds. They smeared me at their church, saying I was bitter and crazy and withholding her from them. These people think they're amazing, even give them things like cars and houses. Just another layer to the madness. Anyway I second guessed myself though, like maybe I was just being bitter and crazy, so I started letting them have her again. But she ended up having medical issues and needing special care. They called us hypochondriacs, ignoring our instructions for her care, which was extremely dangerous. Finally I'd had enough of the games and put up some strict boundaries which we've stuck to for five years now. I felt really stupid for letting them into my life this way, and for letting them control my family and try to take MY child, as if they were entitled to ANYTHING after the childhood they gave me. But I'm still on the learning curve. You can normalize so many evil things, it astounds me. My daughter is ten now and they've backed off a lot because I had a sit-down and confronted them on every tiny offensive thing they probably thought I'd overlooked or forgotten. And they said that, that they expected me to ignore it, pretend everything was okay for them. They deserved to have this grandparent experience, and I didn't have the right to take it away from them. It was ludicrous lol. I must have shown my true substance though, they leave my second daughter completely alone and never visit us. And they replaced my oldest with a child from their church. As soon as they did it I knew it wasn't out of the goodness of their heart they took that baby in, just an intuition 😉 Thank you for clarifying so many confusing points. Good video.

[@oppressednolonger1497]

Your intuition is phenomenal!! Thats is an incredible blessing!! Dont lose sight of it..Ive had this before, I havent felt it at the level you described in what seems like ages. But Im sure its inside there somehwere.

[@SuperMissylea]

I loved this! Completely resonated with me. Thank you so much 😘

[@Traceyi1000]

WOW Meredith! It's just like this I am still working and learning at age 53. Thank goodness for you. Amazing information. Stomach drop and eye twitch are very familiar.

[@mecca6588]

You're a real G, I an tell. Keep strong! Because you're keeping me strong..

[@michaeljensen4650]

We are told that Mother and Fathers can do no wrong, that they are always right. They are above reproach. Honor thy Mother and Father. What a dangerous belief. What kind of brain washing or social conditioning are we giving our children. I instinctively knew at very young age that something was wrong. I was precocious child, I knew did not deserve the way I was being treated. I knew I was not the problem. I was sad and ashamed. I wanted desperately to belong and to feel loved. I developed some very dysfunctional behavior as a result of the trauma I was subjected to. Sadly I was a hostage and despite knowing this I still hoped they would love and care for me. I wanted their affection and approval. It was a great relief to me when I got older and realized when acting in my own best interest and coming from a place of integrity that I did not need to explain or justify my choices to anyone. Narcissistic parents will gaslight you and make you feel like you are a bad person for having boundaries, that you need to justify yourself, that you are being selfish. They treat you like an object, like an extension of themselves. They treat you like a piece of property. Even though you are just a child they act as if you exist to only to meet their needs. They are heartless monsters and giant hypocrites. They turn everything around on you and accuse you of the very behavior they are guilty of themselves. Love bombing, gaslighting, projection, denial, triangulation, scapegoating, ostracism, exclusion, favoritism, lying, manipulation, withholding of love, withholding of affection and approval, intermittent reinforcement, greed, avarice, envy, jealousy, vanity, uncontrollable rage, addiction, opportunistic and exploitive behavior, endless hatred, remorselessness, lack of empathy, bitterness, excessive and abusive criticism, petty vindictive and unforgiving behavior. Does any of this sound familiar? Learning about Narcissism, Codependency, Anti-Social Personality Disorder and Psychopaths changed my life. Healing is a process that takes time, patience and self acceptance. Understanding what happened to you and the difficulty of being an impressionable child at the mercy of abusive and immature adults (perhaps even psychopathic) can help to put things in perspective. If you have had this type of toxic parenting I am truly sorry. As a fellow survivor I want you to know that you did not deserve what happened to you. Taking responsibility for yourself and your choices is empowering. Giving up the identity of being a helpless victim teaches you about the power of your own agency. Most people are sleep walking through life. They are acting from a reactive and instinctual set of learned responses and unconscious behavior. They are little better than abused animals ruled by their instincts and overwhelming emotions. Mastering our emotions, developing self awareness, understanding others and gaining self control are key to having a happy and productive life. Healing is possible through believing in yourself and your right to dignity, love and happiness. Thank you Meredith for all your work and your contribution to this vital issue!

[@andreatankard198]

Thank you Meredith! You described narcissism and family dynamics very accurately. This will help me to deal with my family, my father is the narcissist, my mother cannot see it, my sister does everything for them. As I recover I can feel the anxiety in my body escalate if I have to see my parents. I used to push it down and run on adrenaline, in fight/flight mode, and also dissociate. The anxiety is so bad that I can’t see them now. Thank you for validating me xx

[@melissaoconnell5648]

Thanks for your final share about needing to trust your body and turning your experience into a bounty of collective wisdom.

[@BigHeartNoBS]

My whole family, except my older sister and I, are narcissists. Growing up in that home was hell. My father did things to me that no father should do to his daughter. I was a great student as a child and in 6th grade I had trouble in my math class and could not learn percentages. I believe it was due to the abuse. I started failing math, I was so stressed out I developed a stuff neck. I was so stressed from being abused by my father and his friends that I couldn't focus. My mother tried to teach me math but she called me "stupid" when I couldn't focus. So I went to my teacher for help instead. She told me I wasn't stupid, that I was one of her brightest students, and I went from getting 0s to 100s with her help. So no wonder I couldn't grasp percentages. My brain changed and I couldn't learn. Meredith, thank you. My family put me thru the wringer but now I am strong enough to take charge of my life and teach these abusers a thing or two about respect.

[@BigHeartNoBS]

Courtshannon thank you. I am doing so much better on my own now and am creating a good life for myself and loved ones. I still have love in my heart and am happy and healthy. These videos have been so helpful to watch in my healing process, but now I am stronger than ever! So there is a bright side :-) Yay!

[@jules655]

Thanks Meredith. As always on point! Big hug to you. ❤️

[@tanianorori3797]

It’s so bizarre, I had been feeling so much better and saw myself relapsing and falling into that nebulous state after a text from the narc the other day... I didn’t realised how deep this is. Feels like I am driving and suddenly hit by another vehicle, I really don’t understand it. But am committed to heal, I don’t want anyone or anything to control me like that no more. All your comments are so reassuring, as I know am not the only one in this .

[@manonty2417]

Hi Meredith everything u do is awesome, I am with u 2 now, thanks so much for your passionate and sweet talking 🍠!! Take care, happy Easter!

[@JenAWren]

Fantastic video Meredith...especially connected about alienated child advice and explanation. You are an amazingly intuitive Coach and I really appreciate your presence in my life. Thank you so much xx J

[@JenAWren]

Also .....haha, I relate to what you said about languages, although in my case, it was more on the basic mother-tongue. I felt like I had been silenced (like, serious tongue-tied). I think it's something like 'devoid of emotional literacy' except it was my vocabulary....it became so minimal. I compared it to 'just having the Primary Colors on the artist's palate' .... all the others had become dried up from the trauma. I noticed my expression started to open up again (took a few years away from the pain). It felt like a new awakening, in a way. So much had been suppressed. I think it's the brain's way of conserving it's sanity. A bit like the way the body closes down unnecessary functions when survival is crucial.

[@desrose4068]

omg this completely explains why my adult kids treat me like shit and say I am crazy and have banished me from their lives. Their father is a complete narcissist! I also grew up with a mother who is a narcist among other things and of course I ended up in another horribly abusive relationship. All of this finally broke me and I am suffering from depression, ptsd, no self esteem and worthiness. It is such torture trying to break through this and find some kind of self worth. I cannot even imagine allowing anyone in my life but still I am lonely and love starved. I never learned or experienced love growing up. Thank you for this, you are the first person I have experienced that really understands. My therapist needs to see your videos

[@JudyAsmanSoCal]

World Narcissistic Abuse Awareness Day = my NM’s birthday. Coincidence?

[@Tipster49]

Judy Asman omg 🙀 that’s funny; maybe they’ll have another Narcissist Awareness Day in February for my Mom 😂 p.s. I love mat pilates! gonna subscribe and check out your videos 😊

[@JudyAsmanSoCal]

Stephanie Bynum you never know, they just might. 🤗😂

[@JudyAsmanSoCal]

Stephanie Bynum thank you! I hope you enjoy 🤗💕

[@ultravioletpisces3666]

Lol