QI | How The Giant Tortoise Got Its Name

[@mark27432]

I love how Jo Brand stays quiet for the whole drama of the tortoise being too tasty to ship home and then she finally speaks up and says "are there flights over there?"

[@JonSmith-cx7gr]

Yes. Its almost as if she has nothing funny to ever contribute to any question and then relies on the fact that she is clearly a greedy c*nt as her single premise to elicit a laugh. Every time. On every subject. On every programme. Comedy genius.

[@stevevasta]

🤣🤣🤣

[@ConstantChaos1]

Couldn't be bothered to joke around she was busy thinking of recipes

[@stevevasta]

@@ConstantChaos1 🤣🤣🤣👍

[@Rodanthi_Pi]

❤ love her!

[@sirsoothsayer]

Mitchell struggling with how to say his joke is accidentally comedy gold

[@2109917162]

Hes the only comedian I know of that considers the implications of a joke before saying it

[@swine13]

@@2109917162 i think you'll find most of the more successful and popular comedians always consider the implications of their jokes before saying them. Its certainly not a behaviour confined to David. Otherwise, how would you suppose someone like Dave Chapelle navigates his own material without becoming ostracised as a racist, a misogynist or an ass? One word: discretion

[@Hankblue]

Yeah, he hadn't quite figured out how to explain it the first time around. He said "thought it was a normal tortoise but closer", when he meant "thought it was closer than it actually was, giving it the appearance of a normal tortoise".

[@glen1555]

Father Ted: no Dougal it's not a giant tortoise, it's a normal tortoise very, very close

[@pastorofmuppets8834]

@@swine13 hmmmm that didn't age well!

[@donnadicasa]

This is one of my favorite bits. They all look like they're having so much fun. You will be missed, Sean.

[@joshuabarnes3846]

David really put that joke into perspective

[@xen0g3n]

I see what you did there. Well met.

[@cabletelcontar5440]

Badum tiss

[@whompronnie]

I saw that joke coming a mile away. Though it looked like a normal-sized joke at that distance

[@michikomanalang6733]

I love how David is just so tickled by the whole thing.

[@patrickglover7506]

*eats last tortoise* "We are twats."

[@nickhamblin8179]

I was thinking they'd say 'It's the last one, but surely we can just eat a leg or two and it'll be fine?'

[@patrickglover7506]

@@nickhamblin8179 Then the tortoise legged it.

[@EarthwormShandy]

"I'm too full!"

[@prettypointlessvideo]

@@EarthwormShandy just a wafer thin slice of tortoise

[@vampira1409]

I love how naturally Davies and Mitchell respond to and expand on each other's jokes. There are other examples of it in the show as well (the Rodney Bewes, Susie Dent segments come to mind), not to mention whenever Alan guests "The Unbelievable Truth". They have genuine comedy chemistry.

[@TetraDax]

I was thinking about that as well, yeah. A lot of people always mention that Mitchell has such great chemistry with, say, Richard Ayoade or Jon Richardson because they are similar in comedic style and character. But honestly, David always performs best with people that aren't at all similar to him: Alan Davies, Sean Lock and obviously Lee Mack. Hell, you could argue that his whole career kicked off because he was partnered with a guy who is not at all similar to himself in Robert Webb.

[@peterclarke7240]

@@TetraDax He needs someone to rail against. I love David's comedy persona, but it's based around conflict (conflict with himself, mostly!) He works well with Ayoade and Richardson because they lean into each other against a common foe (normally Jimmy Carr), but he's superb when with people like Sean and Alan because they're playing naughty schoolchildren against Stephen's long-suffering Posh Supply Teacher who's a refugee from Eton. 🤣

[@calvinballaka8905]

Something I really like about this clip is that all four of the guests along with Fry got a lot of great moments in.

[@KarstenOkk]

It's amazing to think that this is what got them the most animated.

[@jackbonney7371]

Well, Jo Brand notwithstanding

[@puirYorick]

Well Jo Brand managed to not slag off her hubby or men in general for this clip.

[@221b-Maker-Street]

@@jackbonney7371 Show me on the doll where countless women refused to touch you, mate.

[@marcos_vilela]

"they thought it was a normal one but closer" I almost spit my drink lol

[@PaulPaul-jw7jx]

Born before Mozart and it’s death was announced on CNN..... just gotta let that sink in

[@jake2355]

Paul Paul You could list his achievements on the back of a stamp tho

[@scipioafricanus5871]

Haven't science discovered certain sharks can live around 500 years?

[@andyh7777]

Must have been fake news then ;)

[@Ocsttiac]

*its

[@MilesLougheed]

My hag neighbour refuses to die and I'm fairly sure she was born before Charlamagne. To her credit, she survived the Salem witch trials unscathed.

[@pygmyowl8801]

Lived 255 years, died of integer overflow.

[@ebosqueUDEM]

A man of programming I see

[@xonxt]

unsigned char, actually... Or just a byte.

[@lovelycode7173]

Overflow implies that he must have been re-incarnated.

[@SchlumberttheHumble]

1st like

[@lovelycode7173]

@Cole Tynan 2 nibbles

[@SpaceMonkey033]

"Yeah, we protected them, they're all in the no-need-to-look area"

[@alephnull4044]

And the entire area is littered with tortoises 'sleeping in their shells'.

[@EarthwormShandy]

Not quite what he said but okay

[@Koko-pm4qq]

"There's no latin name for Malteasers" Such a hilarious line

[@kreglfromworld]

One thing I took from this is I'll now abolish the word "delicious" and start using "extremely edible"

[@helenaren]

I am extremely edible

[@OnkelPeters]

This beef … this beef is sooo edible!

[@Eli-qu4bs]

Mitchell and Davies are just the best here, I love it.

[@deidreblack8874]

Pro Kinetics I enjoy a joyful Mitchell. Almost as much as an angry Mitchell.

[@mezykin]

Pro Kinetics i like phill jupitus on qi too

[@1035pm]

Mez Hossain Oh make him stop pudsey.

[@ExhaustedElox]

Hands down, my favorite segment in all of QI history.

[@Gabryal77]

Mine too

[@UndefeatableTwilightCatgirl]

Mine too.

[@andylindsaytunes]

"They say of the acropolis, where the Parthenon is..."

[@joebrokenstrang3711]

droid That's up there.

[@Koko-pm4qq]

It's funny

[@DAZZER435]

"Yeah we're protecting them, no need to look." Hilarious 😂😂😂

[@bobafetting6373]

I love how Alan and David genuinely make each other laugh 😂

[@TallSilentGuy]

Two questions: 1) Does a regular tortoise taste anything like a giant tortoise? 2) What time does the pet shop shut?

[@BDtetra]

Actually the tortise is in fact quite good. The broth is the best broth I have tasted out of all the animals.

[@dynamicworlds1]

Keep in mind, the quality of shipboard rations at the time was, to put it _incredibly_ lightly, suboptimal. Maggot-infested, extra-hard hard tack kind of sub-optimal.

[@richardlloyd2589]

@@dynamicworlds1 Well at least the maggots provided some much needed protein. 🤢

[@SevCaswell]

@@richardlloyd2589 they were weevils not maggots...

[@carthoughtswithdan]

RIP Sean Lock, this was the first thing I ever saw him in. Fan ever since.

[@serellie]

Same for me. I found so many wonderful British comedians through QI.

[@azzyclark3860]

The single greatest moment which QI has ever manifested. Without question.

[@vincenthunter1615]

Harrison Clark I disagree simply because of “they say of the acropolis where the Parthenon is”. This does come in a close second place.

[@timothyhartwell2849]

I agree the "Parthenon" gag gets first place this is a very close second.

[@DodderingOldMan]

I agree, this stands in my mind as the best segment in QI history. I love the way you can see Alan and David's minds revving up as they begin to see the comedic potential of the concept.

[@bfkc111]

That is quite absurd.

[@dcbsmt]

Oh, I don't know ... I really love the space porn bit from the E series quite as well. :) And the Akropolis, too, of course.

[@htime9119]

RIP Sean. What a legend.

[@LPJack02]

He was 58 when he died.

[@stonedscotsman8359]

​@@LPJack02 Way too early man.

[@NP-zl7dz]

One of the funniest TV shorts ever.

[@KK426LH]

Hello. I'm here to tell you how vague "one of the funniest" is. The un-funniest TV short ever would still be "one of the funniest". Thank you for listening. Have a nice day.

[@cyberschn1tzel997]

KK426LH but no one would say that the un-funniest tv-show is one of the funniest

[@KK426LH]

The marketing for that show could

[@SomeBritishDud1]

Something with David Mitchell in is bound to be funny!

[@Koko-pm4qq]

Yep

[@varuntulsyan2558]

I still come back to this. Favourite QI clip, tied with 'what do they say of the Acropolis where the Parthenon is'.

[@rmanningau]

One of the funniest pieces from QI ever.

[@tricesimo]

Mentioned in Darwin's "On the Tastiness of Species".

[@dethledr]

It's a wonder they didn't end up calling it the Delicious Tortoise. I wonder if it's scientific name means "extremely edible."

[@mrgreen1759]

One of the funniest rounds in Q.I history. R.I.P Sean, you were so good on so many panel shows. Thanks for all the laughs.

[@NiekGAE]

Why isn't David Mitchell a regular alongside Alan?

[@shamona7121]

+NiekGAE Jimmy too

[@roymarshall_]

+NiekGAE Probably too expensive

[@sarahkinsey5434]

Sean and Bill too

[@jean-lucwalker3690]

he's a regular on would I lie to you

[@vincenthunter1615]

I wouldn't have been too expensive to have a second team captain because at the very inception of QI the creators intended to have Micheal Palin hosting with Stephen and Alan as team captains. Palin had to pull out at the last minute and Stephen took the job of hosting and Alan rather than being a captain became just became Stephens slightly confused student.

[@blackmoon7012]

That tortoise's list of achievements is, "I lived 255 years without getting eaten by you humans, lol"

[@richardlloyd2589]

Survival of the fittest. Very Darwinian.

[@TheBassHeavy]

'They say of the acropolis where the parthenon is...' and this are in my top ever T.V. moments. I still laugh after hundreds of times watching them.

[@piennuivelo]

They say of the Galápagos where the tortoises are...

[@JJE990]

Quite possibly the best moment on QI ever

[@ArkhamKnight-uj6ww]

Those 2 are my favourites along with the meaning of the word cool,Brian blessed’s dog story,shaving a monkey and what did Watson do more than Holmes 😂😂😂

[@N.I.R.A.T.I.A.S.]

These are the best parts of panel shows, when a group of comedians just feed off one another and build something brilliant.

[@effyleven]

Actually, back in the day, there was a BBC radio show called, "Does the Team Think." It's comedian panel ad-libbed in much the same way but to audience questions. It was aping "Any Questions" which is all about serious political debate. The "Does the Team Think" show was very popular through 50s to 70s, and has been reprised several times since... including on TV. (See Wikipedia.) Hey, as I now remember, there was an all-female version people could write in to where the different kind of wit of women was featured. It was called "Petticoat Line, " and was also v popular. (Yeah. Radio was quite a thing., once upon a time. Still is for some...)

[@obi-wan-jacobi840]

This is the most I’ve ever seen David Mitchell cracking up.

[@1TakoyakiStore]

Now I want a Python-esque film about a naturalist in the early 19th century traveling around the world wanting to describe and catalog undiscovered species but his crew keeps eating all his specimens 😆😆😆

[@memesmemes3529]

That is literally what happened on Darwin’s voyage

[@ilhamalfatihah5740]

This needs to happen, Monty Python and The Voyage of Darwin.

[@hareecionelson5875]

"Charles Darwin’s early years as a student of Christ’s College were not marked by great academic achievements. His first contribution to Cambridge life was the Glutton Club, which he formed with several friends. The sole purpose of this student society was to consume animal meat “before to unknown to the human palate”. The club did not last long, and ended abruptly after an unpleasant experience with a brown owl carcass." No wonder he became a naturalist. universityarms.com/the-journal/charles-darwins-glutton-club/

[@danawrigleywalkingstickand5677]

@@hareecionelson5875 Neil Gaiman wrote a short story which sounds like it could have been based on this, called Sunbird.

[@hareecionelson5875]

@@danawrigleywalkingstickand5677 They should make a film of about the explorers trying not to eat their animals.

[@longingfordetritus]

Came here as soon as I heard the terrible news. One of my first favourite comedians. R.I.P ❤

[@TimMonfries]

Note to self: Do not eat hot soup while watching QI shorts.

[@michaelnaisbitt1639]

Tim Monfries been caught myself. Drinking hot coffee then watched QI laughed so hard burnt myself

[@bookwoman53]

Turtle soup?

[@zeroireland]

Where can I get a pair of QI shorts?

[@ethanlappin]

Same for basically any liquid, I had a similar reaction to them talking about the great earthworks of Benin

[@Koko-pm4qq]

Yes XD

[@Uinb]

"These ones are small... but the ones out there... are far away" - Father Ted. Can't believe i'm the only one that though that?!

[@generalgk]

Yeah nobody else thought of that but you. You’re so smart and unique

[@celicapevencie1942]

That was always one of my favorite Father Ted jokes!!!

[@221b-Maker-Street]

@@generalgk I imagine you're not British, so have misunderstood the import of @U-iN'sturn of phrase. We use it to mean _"Who else thought of this too?_ Shame you just used it as an opportunity to be an absolute arse.

[@garywalling4341]

@@221b-Maker-Street Shame you used it to be an even bigger one! There's a hyphon in mis-understood isn't there smart arse?

[@Andythrax]

I've watched a hell of a lot of QI on KZbin in the last few months and this is, without a doubt, the best clip out there.

[@alexday5892]

I have watched this so many times over the years. One of the funniest moments on QI

[@krock90]

RIP Sean Lock! ❤️

[@thesprucemoose7905]

Had to come back to this classic after I heard about Sean Lock's passing. RIP man.

[@katiewick46]

I come back to this far too often. Absolute gold.

[@singrdave]

This is probably my favorite segment in all of QI history. But I have one addition: Stephen says incredulously that even Darwin ate them. Of course Darwin ate them, he was an epicure and would've had twenty for himself, savoring every lovely bite of giant tortoise.

[@flyingrancidm00nfish7]

Why else do you think he chose his line of work?

[@effyleven]

I believe Darwin belonged to a sort of society or club that existed for the members to sample as many different kinds of MEAT as could be laid hands on.... and then describe it. Apparently, Darwin was a bit underimpressed by OWL (?)

[@bec5250]

Much like tigers savour every bite of human. It's a pity more species can't hunt us down and eat us. There's too many of us.

[@rumpelpumpel7687]

@@bec5250 well, we do a pretty good job killing ourselves ;) ...but yeh, it does take too long with all those hippies around xD jk

[@neilgerace355]

@@bec5250 We've spent so much time eliminating all the species that could've done it.

[@diabl2master]

Probably my favourite QI bit. All 5 of them are on top form, it's quite interesting AND hilarious.

[@foxmulderms]

This is THE PEAK of the entire show. I am dying here.....

[@sammarks9146]

I absolutely love how hilarious David Mitchell finds this.

[@lisamuller68]

one of the best bits of this show ever. together with the akropolis song xD

[@KAF128]

David's tortoise recollection makes me think of a classic scene from Father Ted - "Small . . . Far away !" (think "cows and caravan")

[@Zephyr_Zeitgeist]

When we figure out how to grow meat in a vat, cheaply and efficiently, that is, we should try and grow giant tortoise.

[@quen_anito]

OMG that's brilliant!

[@vaylonkenadell]

Absolutely!

[@ae4164]

From what I've read it's not so much that giant tortoises taste more delicious than any other meat, but rather that when you are stuck on a sailing ship and your only source of meat is old and heavily-salted, then having some nice fresh meat is an irresistible treat. It probably was just like David said: they agreed "OK we'll only eat some of them... maybe just one more... maybe just one more..." and pretty soon they were sitting around getting their story straight about how the last one unfortunately fell ill and died suddenly.

[@lpsp442]

It's too much to ask for some simple humane farming

[@Blackevilmisanthrope]

I think there’s a jackfruit version.

[@TheNutsoCharles]

My favorite QI clip ever! I've never laughed so hard before or since. Painfully funny in the rib-aching way, this is how I introduce people to the show if they're curious why I obsessively watch a British panel show featuring celebrities they've never heard of. (Except for Mr. Fry, of course.)

[@pseudonym4893]

But if this is the peak of the show (for you at least), doesn't that signal to the people you're showing it to that it all goes downhill from here? I mean if you're a comedian, you don't open with your best joke.

[@jgg75]

This one, Roddy Bewes and Leonardo and the first driving licence are my 3 favourites... almost got hernia when I saw this one for the first time :)

[@Schmidtelpunkt]

TheNutsoCharles I love how they interact with each other. That is for me one of the great qualities of this show and the guests they choose: they don't simply do bits of routines they have in their current comedy tour, but it is all about the actual topics and reacting on each other in some unforced manner. While there might be funnier moments in QI, this clip perfectly shows the appeal of that concept (I also recommend the bee bit for the same purpose).

[@krock90]

Pretty sure this is my all-time favourite QI bit.

[@itsforthebells]

came here after the passing of Sean Lock RIP to a true legend

[@EzraDair]

Fry reminds me of a very popular science teacher back in school and we used to be like his guest making jokes and learning knowledge all the way

[@joshkaid]

I've never seen a show where the people on it are having this much fun.

[@heidibarker9550]

this is by far my favourite hilarious sequence of the show.

[@charleslee8313]

Stephen's final question needs to be only for Alan, and it has to be a photo of a blue whale, and the question is "What is that?" Greatest pay-off for a running gag.

[@bodavidson2804]

Then make it a Pygmy Blue Whale :D

[@MadhatClemens]

"No Alan, it's a photo. A blue whale would be much bigger and not the thickness of a piece of paper. -10 points"

[@Dragonair08]

They actually did that. They asked "What is this" and it was a picture of a blue whale. He was terrified, he didn't know if he should answer or not.

[@lpsp442]

And then the klaxon goes off.

[@ew6483]

Kez A Jay Do you remember the episode by any chance?

[@2charliep]

Wish Sean Lock appeared more often.

[@dismissing]

2charliep he didn't want to be typecasted into panel shows

[@lpsp442]

He still gets people coming up to him in the street saying "Are you Dave? Hurhur", does his nut in

[@221b-Maker-Street]

@@dismissing For someone who didn't want to get typecast as only doing panel shows, he didn't half do a lot of them! He was rightly celebrated as "A panel show top tier savage". He was a resident on 8 out of 10 Cats for 10 years! And then its sister programme, 8/10 Cats Does Countdown for nine years, a regular on Big Fat Quiz of The Year, Have I Got News For You, and They Think It's All Over, as well as hosting TV Heaven; Telly Hell, and Argumental... I honestly don't think he was asked to be on QI more often that he actually appeared. I for one was glad that he appeared on so many panel shows - I think he thrived on them, tbh.

[@lukerogers151]

The vert first thing I thought of watching. RIP you absolute legend ❤️

[@Novur]

Saw the thumbnail, immediately heard Sean saying "it's big innit" in my head

[@duncanhw]

RIP

[@iamaweasel]

Inform, Educate, Entertain. In bloody spades #bbc. I defy anyone anywhere else to come even close to this.

[@Canad1anMan]

Well as an off-shoot, there is the CBC here in Canada... what you began with above is basically their motto compared to other programming stations who largely only Entertain and sometimes inform, but rarely if ever Educate.

[@iamaweasel]

Reith. & #psb

[@MrIcelander]

That slight pitch alteration just makes this whole clip even funnier, it's like they're all about half way down the bottle or something!

[@dillerud95]

Eddie Icelander It would be even funnier to watch if they were drunk

[@samnelson2343]

Possible the funniest group gag going on there. All of them having a flipping ripping time and laughing - genuinely - uproariously

[@hippy282]

Just imagining people back in the day singing praises about how delicious the turtles were "Oh they're so good. They even come with their own bowl!"

[@tsoiboy4073]

The best QI clip of all.

[@JimC]

4:01 Has the camera ever recorded Fry laughing *that* heartily? He laughs as much as anyone, of course. It's just that I can't recall seeing this particular form.

[@smartalec2001]

I can imagine that crew. David saying "We'll eat eight!" Trying to organise it. Alan pleading with him "let's just go back and get some more!" and Sean the bastard eating the last one on the last leg of the journey.

[@LPJack02]

RIP Sean Lock (April 22, 1963 - August 16, 2021), aged 58 You will be remembered as a legend.

[@kilroy987]

No, no, no... we're taking it back. Ok, we'll eat eight and that's it. I love a show that can make something so stupid so funny.

[@isabelbell559]

I loved this one qi laughed the first time I saw it, and have played it over several times and still laugh.......you can't be down after watching this episode......loved qi.......Toronto

[@cabbaman98]

This is my favourite QI clip to exist.

[@Onio_Saiyan]

Mitchell's joke about the conservationists "protecting" the tortoises was gold.

[@DaStig]

it's literally meat in a wok shaped shell.

[@dynamicworlds1]

I mean, you're not wrong lol

[@sjakierulez]

Even gives you the choice to fry or boil it

[@richardlloyd2589]

After this episode they should never be boiled. Only Fry’d.

[@davidwoods8181]

The jokes are so thick and fast here you have to watch it twice to get them all haha

[@Dave1307]

Given the very sad news of Sean Lock's passing, please honour his memory with a Sean Lock Supercut, I have a lot of free time to fill with Sean Lock being funny.

[@soledadcruz6478]

Sean Lock, we will miss you so.... RIP

[@chrisorange1291]

Sean Lock's genius gone but not forgotten :-(

[@yashwinning]

I kinda understand the logic to be honest. I don't really care for the name of what I eat. I don't remember any of the names of the people I've eaten.

[@GundamGokuTV]

It puts the lotion on the skin or it gets the hose again.

[@NorgKata67]

That's not very polite.

[@akito7025]

Had me in the first half

[@davidmiatke6758]

I do, I always keep a sovereign.

[@decodolly1535]

Isn't the name usually on the stone where you dig them up?

[@IllyaLeonovMorganFreepony]

This is the best QI clip ever. Just the best.

[@janiem.roberts732]

This is th best clip, just laugh and laugh over David and Alan!!

[@ColeForged]

Rest in peace, Sean Lock.

[@matthewthompson6238]

Rest in peace Sean Lock ♥️

[@MerelMystery]

one of my favourite QI bits

[@zhilalmulki8068]

oh no! im in an endless loop of watching QI video again

[@Tysto]

"We are twats. I'm TOO full!" 🤣

[@ArtypNk]

One of the best QI moments.

[@gaiusjuliuspleaser]

Probably my favorite bit in QI history.

[@clarkeysam]

This is, without a doubt, my favourite QI clip!

[@MrTakeru21]

Trash Taste? 👀 Side note: Very educational and funny 👍

[@221b-Maker-Street]

4:02 - I have never ever seen Stephen Fry laugh like that - before or since... 😳🐢

[@Facetiously.Esoteric]

"Ok, one last time. These are small, but the ones out there are far away. Small... Far away... Ah forget it.” Father Ted to Dougal.

[@UtsavPathak7]

RIP Sean Lock

[@scipioafricanus5871]

0:32 "This better be good" Come on, Mitchell, tell us there are no straight lines at the Acropolis. "He's gonna say, he's gonna say!" "Aboouttt theee a c r o p o l i s....????"

[@DAZZER435]

"There all protected, no need to look." Lol

[@vslyz1658]

May Sean Rest in Peace

[@breezycheek]

Sounds like the video is lower in pitch than the original?

[@DarthEditous]

+M Breeze It is. It's running at 24fps, instead of 25fps.

[@diabl2master]

DarthEditous If true, they tone is down by around 70% of a semitone.

[@SandraHarveyDr]

single best riff in QI history 😀

[@sanatprasad1594]

This is the clip that got me into QI

[@Sam-gf6ue]

"Shut up with your Latin and eat it!"😂😂

[@deidreblack8874]

I love this bit so, so much.

[@djmoch1001]

David Mitchell's laugh could save the world. :D

[@RandomPunterUK]

My favourite QI clip of all time. Has me crying with laughter.