Quarantine Life | Birthday, too much self reflection, staying disciplined

Рет қаралды 15,035

Күн бұрын

Пікірлер: 30

@FueledByHufflepuff 4 жыл бұрын

i think self reflection can encompass a multitude of things. i think ruminating too much is toxic, but reflecting on oneself in general, can be quite healthy. i guess moderation is key. nice topic to ponder

@teodoras9611 4 жыл бұрын

Most natural for me is to feel and to consume. Looking at sunsets, feeling the wind, singing - they all ground me. Listening to people, learning from them. But that is being an observer... A consumer. The only thing I am active in is understanding people, myself and how i come off to others. I mostly talk about how impressive my friends are and how they've chosen to live. That is fascinating to me. I actively think about what impression i give off. What role could i play... I feel like I just developed many different personalities in order to click with everyone who inspires me in a way I mean, l am always impulsive. (Or i've become impulsive and extroverted in the last few years) And those different roles that people have unlocked in me are still parts of me, I'm not faking it. But I've come to hate how much this thought how people perceive me has gone into my head. It is absolutely useless now. Maybe it helped me find what i like to do. Or to find people who inspire me to learn new things... But now I just gotta do the things Before i used to put this same passion into learning physics and school stuff. Now i am procrastinating from physics and math and this is what i always wanted to study at university. Rn I don't do it actively. I wanted to read but it seems pointless. I am too lazy to finish my songs. And writing them halfway through seems enough because that is the self reflection part. My brain thinks that self reflection is what matters. But no. The little things you learn about the outside world is what matters. The funny jokes you can tell people. The odd stories of science that explain the world. Making a finished product - a song, a book, a drawing, organising someone a surprise. Learning a skill. Something that stays. And sticks. Something to commemorate the present moment. Not just some random fleeting thought promising better future. Not an empty promise of being a better person or being a better type of person. Choosing who you wanna be just so that doesn't seem enough again and you change again. And again. And again. Right now the people that bring me most joy (because that's my compass) are the ones who do the little things. They don't talk about their personalities. They tell stories of the world and science and history. Make music. Draw. Repair stuff. Decide on a project and work on it. They have the word now My boyfriend/really close friend for many years is a bit like me. Like your description of yourself here in this video. And i think that now we've ran out of stories and laughs. We don't talk because we used to talk mostly about self reflection. And that became pointless.

@Dmchadra 4 жыл бұрын

Wow, thank you for leaving such an insightful comment! I have to say I feel the same way, like I've become in an endless loop of consuming. But you're right, learning new skills and actually DOING the things is essential to growing as a person.

@teodoras9611 4 жыл бұрын

@@Dmchadra whoah, I didn't see you replied.. I am glad it was somewhat helpful :) But what finally helped me put it into words was this video! So thank you in return

@madeleinespeagle2692 3 жыл бұрын

Wow. This comment. This comment... it perfectly puts into words all the thoughts and feelings that have been growing in me for the past few years. Thank you! Thank you for articulating it and leaving it here for the world to see! Learning from people, wanting to be with people that bring you joy, that inspire you, that bring out a constructed version of yourself that you like. Growing more extroverted and impulsive as a way to open yourself up to more experiences that fill you (I've become that way in the last few years too!!) Putting constant mental effort into understanding people, especially how they relate to you and each other. It's the most interesting thing in the world! Except not really, cause when you're alone, all of that knowledge suddenly feels kind of useless. I'm tired of depending on the people around me to come up with ideas of what to do or what to talk about (even if I love their ideas), since all I think about is how to please them. As for hobbies and passions--I understand your lack of motivation. Drawing, painting, and music matter to me, and I admire other people who are good at those things--I like consuming music and art. But actually doing it quickly feels boring or worthless, especially practicing alone, without friends there. It never comes out as good as I want it to right away, which is probably part of it. Same thing with schoolwork--I can only bringing myself to care about finishing assignments when there's a risk of judgement by my peers or professor for not finishing them. Sigh. I'm introspecting CONSTANTLY, and can see that I'm floating through life passively, avoiding negative feelings and pouring precious time into quiet indulgences. So why is it so hard to change? You do such a beautiful job of describing the kinds of people who bring you joy and energy! I totally know those people, too! People who are funny. People who know all sorts of interesting, random facts. People who've had unusual experiences, tried different things, lived in many places, and can remember every bit of it to share. People who've devoted themselves to becoming experts in a certain field (like herbalism or woodworking.) People who do art every day, or learn how to build their own house, just for the fun of it. People who have the desire to make a stone pizza oven, or cook a meal for the family, or write a short story, or start a garden--and then actually do it! I feel inspired to do projects like that, but then instead, my lazy butt just chooses to listen to music, or look at "aesthetic" pictures on my phone, or write comments like this one... How do they do it? Maybe they're stronger? Strong enough to tolerate loneliness, boredom, and failure, instead of avoiding them? Anyway. You may not even read this, but thank you for typing out your comment, it actually made me feel way better to read that someone else shared my thoughts. You wrote out things I didn't even know I meant! So thank you, and I hope you are building a fulfilling life.

@teodoras9611 3 жыл бұрын

@@madeleinespeagle2692 the fact that you get what I've written makes me think that it might actually make sense :D thanks

@DarayaVahu 4 жыл бұрын

Dude, so freaking handsome I can't even 🙊

@AstralFrost 4 жыл бұрын

I'm gonna think over that point about self-reflection. Happy birthday, Ollie!

@whitenoise3447 4 жыл бұрын

So yeah what seems to work better for me than the "nobody is judging me because nobody cares" attitude is this new "I give them permission to judge and talk about me. It's okay if they think I'm stupid. They can have their opinions and it doesn't have to effect me" kind of thing I've been trying. It sounds harder to do on paper than it actually is

@patpaxton981 4 жыл бұрын

Happy Birthday Ollie. Good job on your school work. Self reflection leads to self acceptance and self love. A little bit of narcissism leads to self-confidence and others people’s opinions really becomes far less important ! Stay safe and as a physician that is on the front lines every day with this COVID situation you are making the right decision for your mom and grandmother. After this shit is over throw your party and enjoy being 22.

@ferniejackson8300 4 жыл бұрын

Happy Birthday! It's healthy and necessary to self reflect as a young person, in order to find your own way.. -Figure out who you are, in order to know what and which people will make you happy!

@Ekatman1836 4 жыл бұрын

Happy belated birthday! Thank you for your videos.

@RealJackHQ 4 жыл бұрын

Happy birthday Ollie! I love that name. That one, Kirby, Devin, Ike, Tony, Rickie-Bobbie, Bobby Sue....especially Bobby Sue. 😂 They’re all classy! 😎

@AceHardy 4 жыл бұрын

🎉🎂🎈

@xedoutbigblob 4 жыл бұрын

Nice hair. Edit: Also happy birthday!

@samuelbee8639 4 жыл бұрын

I actually thought about whether there is such a thing as "too much self-reflection" the other day and I believe that there are different types of "self-reflection". I've always prided myself on my self-reflection and it's always been the main source of my self-worth except for my intelligence but recently I realized that this thing that I called self-reflection was at least partly toxic because I always wanted to know "the truth" about myself and how I "actually" am (I'm bad at describing that part) and that caused me to overthink every part about myself and whether this behavior or that behavior is "who I am truly am" or not. This sentence was too long. It even got to the point that I was overthinking stuff like this that much that I didn't even know what was me and what wasn't and whether I was pretending to be someone else without realizing (sure, without realizing, you were thinking about it all the time) or not. Now I'm so inhibited even when I'm with friends that I can't even talk to them because there's always this overthinking and I believe that everything I could do or say would cause others to cringe because I lost the ability to just be myself without thinking about it. (People who aren't themselves always seem somewhat cringy to me because you can notice and when you notice that, you know that they're not ok with themselves and that reminds me of myself and that I'm like that and that causes me to cringe.) There's this other part of self-reflection that I try to establish instead of this^, which is generally speaking working to "becoming the best version of myself". To me, it all comes down to self-worth, and the first thing you need to understand (self-reflect on) is that there is no inherent reason for you to be less than others. That's the hardest part, it gets better after that. Second thing you need to know: You're not the person you're born to be, you're the person you're working to to be. Look for the things you value and that you can improve on. For me that's tolerance/open-mindedness, being educated on topics that interest me, valuing things people do for me, ... and the thing itself: trying to be the best version of myself. That's important. People who are their best selves are authentic and confident and like themselves and that makes other people value them. They're inspiring. There is no set of traits like intelligence and humour that makes you this "whole" kind of person. It's authenticity. Third, don't be defensive about who you are. I don't know if this applies to you but it does to me. I always tried to hide who I was because I thought I'd get shamed for it because I hated myself and found myself cringy and stupid and embarrassing just for the way I am. Truth is, you are not. That's hard to accept when you believe it because it's an inevitable fact to you. There are positive things people see in you and you need to learn to see them in yourself (I find myself cringy for writing this and I don't know if it is "me" wording this like that, but it is "me" thinking about whether this is me wording it like that and it is "me" writing an off-putting random sentence like that in brackets behind that cringy sentence to relativize the cringyness of it). Wear who you are on your sleeve (or how do you say in English) and make it a habit. Don't EVER avoid to say something you think or believe or to do something you want to do, to state your opinion or to stay silent if you prefer. It's not true that nobody pays attention to you. People pay attention if you think they pay attention so you get defensive and they sense that. They don't pay attention when you act like nobody's paying attention, so do these things you're uncomfortable with (again, cringy, sounds so corny (is this toxic self-reflection to always evaluate whether I find myself cringy? (this question at leat isn't (sorry for those brackes :D)))). Like, If you can manage to. Fourth, if that's to hard, write a list of things you're proud of believing or having a certain opinion on or ... so you have a basis which is more comfortable and start from that. Don't know if this is still related to your video but I just got into writing this down and I also thought it might help.

@samuelbee8639 4 жыл бұрын

also try to get over hating people that you think to be like you. They're not "stealing your position" because there is no such thing. They can actually be pretty helpful to understand things about yourself.

@loriemerns5741 4 жыл бұрын

Happy birthday! (Unrelated, but I'm loving that hairstyle!)

@okcat_0 4 жыл бұрын

I do think too much self-reflection can be a bad thing. There's only so much you can learn about yourself, from yourself. And in an unhealthy mind state, you might keep reinforcing thoughts about yourself that are biased in one direction (i.e. overly narcissistic, or the opposite).