Why I stopped making videos

[@SmartWittyName]

I related a lot to this, I feel pathetic entering adulthood because I was just raised to have such a big ego before that. Keep us updated, even when your life sucks I hope you can remember you're important.

[@k4miel]

What i would like to see: Maybe some more stories and anekdotes? I usually don’t like story time video’s, but i guess i just like listening to yours. Also you seem to like making them.

[@jonnytorres664]

Validation gang here! I would like to see how much your views have changed since your last time here. Welcome back.

[@calyx12397]

Just be yourself olli, no pressure you dont have to prove anything to anyone.

[@LaytonObserves]

Post 17 minute mark gang here! I'm glad you indulged in your spontaneity . Perfectionism can be real crippling sometimes. ALSO, as you mention being in a state of depression, your suggestion that you've never had an original thought probably doesn't hold much. Perhaps you just feel a bit stagnated at present, so a feeling of lacking autonomy has occurred? (Also, I suspect you're smarter than you let yourself believe, too. Self awareness if a form of intelligence, after all.) Regardless, I'm glad to see you're back. As for a suggestion, maybe it could be insightful for your audience to see who you are outside of just the political, The flavour of the day in politics is fleeting; personality is forever. Hope you're well :)

[@okcat_0]

I seriously cannot tell you how much I relate to some of the things you express in your videos, especially this one. Sometimes I feel like I'm listening to myself speak. Really thankful for your perspective, and was so excited to see you post again! What I'd like to see: 1) what makes you question your transition, what thoughts make you doubt yourself. 2) what you like and dislike about "real" college

[@tatsuya5888]

I genuinly hope that youtube for you will be as fun as it appered to be. I like you as a talker. Also I feel very gay for you 😅

[@gailism]

Welcome back! I think your takes on theology / philosophy are very thoughtful and I would love to hear more of your perspective on questions of epistemology, morality, cosmology etc. Or just lighter theological questions if you don't feel like questioning existence lol

[@johnwage]

What I’d like to see: Your experience considering de-transitioning? And how common is it among trans people to want to de-transition?

[@Jasminestealth1]

I guess you have seen the answer to the first question with her new videos... secondly i will say there is a huge problem with the second part... as if transitioned people to be "tracked" ... although i understand the more people know the better it "could" be to help others at the same time... it really makes "trans" people like they are their own separate gender... medical gate keeping (well in my studies... trans people should do ...x...y...z.. and because you dont... well we wont let you transition

[@ushnotzkr4006]

2 things: First if you remember Peterson talking about identity, he stated that usually one must accept an ideology based on the experiences and viewpoints of others in order to then overcome it and be one's own person with real beliefs. It seems to me you're in a phase where you have left your past identity behind and start searching for and building your own, so keep doing that until you know who it is you want to be. Maybe those struggles are a necessary step to bettering yourself. On the intelligence thing: I know it can be really confusing, since your self perception can change with your environment real fast. When I went to uni to study engineering suddenly there were people 3 times as diligent and many smarter than me. Suddenly it seemed like my biggest strength, smarts, was an illusion. But you need to realize that there are many different kinds of intelligence, and you can't objectively say which is more valuable. Whether it's emotional or rational intelligence, whenever you move up you will become more average, there's no end to it so be thankful for how far you've come! Sounds like you're on a good way to me

[@harveyhearse]

ive felt so similar about feeling this need to be intelligent. as a kid everyone around me said i was so so smart. it gave me a big head and honestly trapped me. with everything I did i judged myself, wondering if this is what a smart person would do, shit like that. it took me realizing that nobody really knows shit to get past this.. nobody can tell you truths for certain or have an opinion that's more valuable than others. I just had to think, what's the value of being ’smart’? why do I need this to feel love for myself? also, it's important to remember the source of all the profound discoveries that have been made in this world: feelings of curiosity towards the unknown and the wish to help others. that's what should be fueling your drive to learn and discuss. and if you find that it's not, maybe reassess where your drive is coming from. make sure it's not just your ego looking for a fix you know. because if it is, the path your going down won't go very far, and will probably leave you unhappy. in the end just trust your feelings bro ❤️ human consciousness is much more than just logic and reason. we have deep intuition and a sense of love and complexity that has to be fostered. I think a lot of people think more about what they ‘should’ be doing rather than what they feel like doing. (ps im detrans too actually, made me connect to ur story even more hah)

[@WaterMelonBelli]

I’m really happy to see you back and being honest about what’s been going on with you. As for what I’d like to see I really enjoyed your story time ish videos about exploring religion and different churches; I don’t know if you’re still into that but if you are please share some more experiences.

[@xedoutbigblob]

Create a full shot for shot remake of the lord of the rings trilogy but every character is played by you.

[@calneil6457]

I am really glad you are making videos again. I relate to you alot and hearing you talk about your thoughts and experiences makes me feel alot less alone.

[@francieraymond]

Nice to see you back Ollie. Maybe you could talk to us about depression. You have experienced it 'from the inside'. Also share your thoughts on its origins, how it functions, what is helpful, what not etc. You have something to offer. Also, be gentle with yourself as well as honest . And rest assured that we all like you....

[@paulamartinllll]

Hi Ollie, welcome back, Glad to hear from you. I think you are Smart for sure, I wish you the best of luck on your journey. My thoughts are that live is a journey, and it is all about how we experience it. There is no right or wrong there is just us in the moment. Happiness is not a destination but rather those few moments that we get to enjoy. What ever you decide is you, not what any one else thinks. Much Love and keep on the positive side.

[@mirabelclaire4201]

It's hard to find people like you on youtube who are this honest and authentic so please keep going! I realize this was a while ago but I just found your videos. And I actually already had this typed out before hitting the 17 minute mark haha :)

[@lukejreid]

Welcome back Ollie, you have been missed.

[@SS-gp5kf]

I would love for you to discuss books that have impacted you in positive way.

[@SS-gp5kf]

Also would like you tell us about the content you have been consuming (why are you drawn to it, is it helpful in some ways?).

[@earthdragon7823]

I’d like you do some more streams of consciousness type videos actually, or just a video of you rationalising situations you’ve been in, telling a story and reflecting on it

[@whitenoise3447]

Id like to hear your thoughts on personality tests like MBTI or Big 5, if you're educated on that. Or maybe a video of you doing a deep dive on it. Some ideas in bullet format: •MBTI or other big 5 •Social gender dysphoria and how you cope with how people treat you when they find out you're trans vs how they treated you before learning that. I.e. do they become condescending? Do they pathologize any of your feminine traits moreso? Do they hide their true opinions from u in fear of offending u? How do you navigate stuff like that? Or any other thoughts on that •Astrology and how widespread new age beliefs like that have become. •Deep dive into your personal beliefs about God and life (and what matters and what doesn't to you in terms of the big picture; what do you think about purposeful living vs floating through life?) •Relationships in general aside from how being trans affects them. Mainly, conflict resolution and your experiences and or struggles or achievements with relationships. •Out there, sorta 2018 throwback request, but vegan cults •cults in general really I'd love to hear your perspective on anything because I love how you put ideas together. These are just the topics I've been thinking about myself and I'm interested in your thoughts on any of it. I tend to talk over people in one on one discussions about these things Cuz I get so excited, so if you made a video about it I'd be able to just zone out and listen to your thoughts and maybe actually learn something. Lol

[@cecibarbosa8328]

In my opinion, there are a lot of dysphorias that are not a thing on their own. They’re a part of a package, they are a superficial symptom of a serious underlying condition (of the soul). Therefore, a fix for the symptom might feel to be the answer but it leaves the root untreated, leaves you still unfulfilled, still longing... the same way you felt before the symptom fix. Everyone goes through this, one way or another, so you are not special in that way. You are special in the way you face it, self evaluate and seek answers. You are so smart, you know that. You have the answer inside of you, listen and surrender. And be free once and for all.

[@evanusher8205]

I have always thoroughly enjoyed your videos, and I feel that you are able to offer a level of insight that most of this community often fails to understand. Anything you could make which demonstrates such insight would be a wonderful thing to see.

[@tatsuya5888]

Maybe do some kind of content about your favourite trans or gay movies. As a cis male I'm not very familiar with trans representation and why not sharing some interesting media with people like me

[@gracewicklund]

What I'd like to see: Videos with several mini storytellings. Like those moments where you see an object or smell something that brings back an "oh wow, I remember that person/place/day!" If you'll be testing out new hobbies, that would also make a refreshing video. Those types of things where you'd be interested in doing them at some point, but don't have any big expectations or stress involved with them. LIke: - Sketching a scene from a dream - Learning a dance - Writing a song - Writing a comic - Playing a video game (might I suggest Rimworld) - Practicing skills in lucid dreams (flying, fire/water powers, teleportation, plant growth) - Sewing tiny stuffed animals - Making mochi (this is real easy and takes about 20 mins) - Collecting all 50 state quarters Etc. Your list will probably be pretty dang different and specific to you. Regardless if you share your hobby-searching or not, I hope you'll eventually find a hobby that helps you enjoy creating, just for the sake of it! Glad to have you back, whatever you decide to upload!

[@okRegan]

Interesting, i have actually been considering making types of videos as you've made, before knowing about your existence, and honestly before knowing these kinds of channels existed, i feel we may be in a very similar labor and study boat as well

[@thpisland2423]

I really like you and have been watching for years but I feel like you should work on yourself because a lot of this validation talk seems very unhealthy and I think it’s best that you resolve those feelings instead of sweep them under the rug

[@loriemerns5741]

true this! ollie's wellbeing comes first before his videos

[@Dmchadra]

Yeah I'm working on it and have been in therapy for nearly 7 years with this being the central point of work. It's really really really hard man

[@thpisland2423]

Ollie Chadra That’s great. You’re a good guy, don’t let self doubt cloud that fact

[@margheritadellavalletheyel6775]

As an Italian, I'd like to watch a video about the differences between community college and "real" college, since there's no such thing as a community college in Italy. Welcome back :)

[@housepalmer]

I'm glad you are still with us, and one of the reasons I enjoy KZbin.

[@martinbruno764]

I honestly would like to hear your opinion on the "truscum community" if that's an idea that you like for a video

[@fivestarcrashtest]

First and foremost, I would hope that you continue to take care of yourself. It's good to see you back. I can't quite put my finger on why, but I think you are good at KZbin. I've never turned one of your videos off because they were boring or hard to follow. So you know a thing or two about coffee? What's your favorite?

[@unknoah]

I think you are very smart and original. That’s your insecurity talking. Don’t believe in it. And it’s okay if you’re having any kind of doubts, it means you are growing as a person. It would be weird not to. Glad you’re back :)

[@athquail1439]

Ooo, yess!! Make a video about the differences between community college and universities!!

[@goddamnbatman3333]

Hey Ollie, i subbed quite early on when you had just posted the i love JP video. I can rlate a lot with ya, ive been suffering from depression for i would say..since middle school now? It recently got worse and ive been trying to improve myself by exercising and im going to start therapy soon. I struggle a lot with self-worth and thoughts of being alone forever (does not help that every guy i have a connection with is straight or closeted). Anyway, i hope things get better and that you enjoy posting again, i really loved you videos and i can relate to your perspective quite a lot. As for video ideas, i would say just do it on anything you want. Movies, books, maybe videos on you trying to get into new hobbies and stuff!

[@DarayaVahu]

Videos about your experience with depression pls, maybe like something about how to have a job, go to school and dating with depression? (I'm also depressed since childhood, I mean I have no memory of ever being not depressed, but I didn't finish high school, I barely ever leave the house and only for necessary groceries)

[@DarayaVahu]

ANYTHING, literally anything pretty please 🙏 pleeeeeeease 🥺 yes even this kind of streams of consciousness, whateva, it was enjoyable enough 😊

[@redhood8141]

Yay! New video of you 😄 Missed you bud. Silly Comment: I dont care what the videos you make are about, I could listen to you talk about random stuff for days, just nice to see and hear you. That being said, ik you put a lot of thought in your videos and they are so amazing, so just do what makes you happy; Just hopefully you wont disappear for 6 months again lol. Serious Comment: I'm sorry that the depression has been a really bad rollercoaster for you, tho I'm guessing its always been like that for you. You are amazing bud and I wish I could take those Negative thoughts and feelings away from you. I guess all I can say is stay strong (Sorry if that sounds lame)

[@whitenoise3447]

I relate to you a lot. I'll let you know if I think of any video ideas you haven't done yet.

[@sea0fgreen33]

I wanna see you go for a walk in the woods.

[@kevintse2870]

Have you read/listened to “An Absolutely Remarkable Thing” by Hank Green? For whatever reason when I watched your video the book came to mind.

[@LucasFerreira-mx8jl]

Your self-insight and thoughtful reflection are what make you intelligent as a human being. Some people may speak very well but their wisdom is not fruitful. Try to make videos that are meaningful and valuable for you to discuss with yourself then share it with us. Hard but brave. Thanks for your videos

[@samuelbee8639]

First, this is very relatable, especially the part about your self-worth. Second, I like how honest you try to be with yourself.

[@samuelbee8639]

Also, please don't get into drinking. Suggestions: your thoughts about why you consider (?) detrasitioning (the obvious one), artsy stuff if you're into arts/music/writing/..., and I would like to hear about what you believed to be your "original thoughts". I bet you have some kind of notebook where you put things like that. And I love things that are written in notebooks. So please share if you're comfortable. Unrelated but An Abundance of Katherines is a nice book to read (if you like to read).

[@zaraeraesmith7510]

I think that youtube is one of your callings. You're just so captivating. I'm a drama freak and honestly, your 'rhetoric" was many times more entertaining than most monologues that I am given. Over time, I've found that in valuing kindness, it's difficult to put provocative free speech into practice. Even though I *can* say certain things, perhaps I shouldn't. And I'm happy to have that restraint. Perhaps make a video with a friend in it, they might inspire you a little?

[@zaraeraesmith7510]

Also, try to stop believing that intelligence is so important. I'm sure many people that have seen your videos had a higher IQ than you and I both but did they make either of our days? No. You inspire intelligence. Numbers are clinical, whilst you're more vibrant than I think you realise. If you took an IQ test and got a 10, it wouldn't invalidate how spectacular and smart that you simply are.

[@raw_oyster]

Please make more videos. Make us think. Have conversations. I'd love hear your thoughts on anything that pops into your head. Whenever you see something that makes you think or react, tell us. Apologize for not actually bring forward any ideas for the videos, but that's just my two cents 🤷‍♂️

[@ferniejackson8300]

Share your thoughts and worries with a therapist, on a regular basis! -Not healthy to have serious worries cooking , all by yourself! You are obviously very clever, but despite that, specially as a young person, you will need constructive feedback to find your way! It might be of use to get tested for deficiency of vitamins/minerals. Make sure to avoid prefab and junk food.

[@pearldiving7492]

I actually really liked the stream of consciousness, It's nice to learn things about people beyond the online persona they exude. Not that personas are a bad thing, It's just interesting to hear people totally unfiltered.

[@Jillian.Dreams]

Suggestions: talk about what you're doing to build yourself up out of this depression. Maybe strategize with us on this?

[@AddBowIfGirl]

Let me rephrase: An idea for a video could be how you’re dealing with covid in Chicago?

[@Ilegator]

I just discovered your channel because of J.P.'s video and I've been watching many of your videos. You explain yourself amazingly!! In the video about "Make liberalism great again" I think you made one of the best modern American politics "picture" I've ever listened to. I think you could make really good politics videos. I feel like there is a lack of "left winged" political response to all the "new conservatism" and I think you have enough knowledge to do it. I say this even thought I think I'm more libertarian/new conservative, but would like to challenge more my ideas other than enforcing them because of the regressive left.

[@raw_oyster]

Omg. I can relate to you so much. I'm straight and pretty plain overall. But I can so relate to your thoughts and feelings.

[@ToMgRoEbE]

This is good content ❤️ stream videos are good 😁. Update okay you said you don't want to do another stream video oops I still liked it.

[@a-ppl5877]

Hello from England! I don’t care what you do, as long as you’re doing something. You could talk about yourself, books, Scientology or anything else! I’ll watch it because it is your personality that makes the subject of discussion so interesting - whatever that subject may be.

[@mighty6588]

this sounds like the “youtube videos” i make in my brain

[@audience2]

What are you studying in real college?

[@Dmchadra]

communication and philosophy

[@Jillian.Dreams]

Gosh Ollie. Whenever you talk I feel like I'm reading my own journals.

[@NiDeCo]

The more you learn, the more you know you don't know. This also tends to skew your own view of your own intelligence. It's something you have to learn how to judge.

[@dementedfairy7373]

I would like to maybe see you telling stories or giving your thoughts on some controversial topics? Also, I am also a trans man and I originally viewed your videos a few years ago when I was a Cis Straight Girl Who Is Not Like Other Girls and was in high school, and I also liked Jordan Peterson back then. I was bored in quarantine and browsing KZbin to break from my school work (I go to UIUC and am from Chicago lol nice flag) and watched this, and I really identify with this video. I've been struggling lately with doing well in my degree due to anxiety and also problems with viewing myself as not smart enough and it was nice to see someone having similar thoughts :) Hope you have a wonderful day

[@Ava_Lang]

Deeply fascinating human.

[@systematicrisk]

Dude. I loved this. You got out of bed, immediately started drinking, and gave us 18 minutes of honest Ollie. I want more with other drugs substituted for the alcohol. Baked Ollie or coked-up Ollie would be extremely entertaining. (For your health, don't do this.) Be cautious about leaning on your gender identity situation as a source of content. It might bias your decisions in favor of KZbin validation instead of what's best for you. Just be bold, raw, and honest about whatever 's on your mind. Like you were in this vid.

[@saintsundere]

Hey Ollie. I made it to the 17 min mark and before I make a suggestion about vids I’d like to see from you, I have other thoughts: 1. I am one of the people who subbed almost 2 years ago. 2. This vid was hella raw. 3. Have you seen T-Swizzle’s Miss Americana? I am not a Taylor Swift fan but she has a moment where she has to justify the altruism in her political beliefs because of people who doubt her, and also has to justify good deeds she does because she is painfully self aware of the possibility of coming off as insincere-mind you she mentions this on camera. It made me angry even though I also was proud of her candor: there is no reason to explain yourself to your fans or your detractors. Your motives and intelligence and their sincerity come down only to one thing: consistent effort.

[@saintsundere]

That being said, I just want you to post more. Doesn’t matter how “intelligent” or “stupid” you come off. The people who subscribed more than likely subscribed because you’re you, so just do you.

[@Orgotheonemancult]

Sending you love rn

[@jayviolentmob8309]

Trigger Warning: Harsh Constructive Feedback Incoming... I think people like you are dangerous. If you are going to try to influence the way people think about important issues, then you have a duty to be honest. That honesty requires courage, not cowardice. To release a video on de-transitioning that undermines the whole experience, while at the same time knowing you yourself have had doubts, but hiding this, only to then delete the video without replacing it with something more honest - that's dangerous. There are people trying to negotiate this issue, and they are seeking out people like you to help them figure it out. If you're not being honest with them, but still stepping up as an influencer, that's not good. So, what would I like to see form you? Courage. The courage to be truthful on issues you speak about. To not hide elements of your own experience in order to maintain your arguments. To not simply delete and hide something you know isn't fully accurate, but to maybe leave the original up and make something better, correcting it. This video you've just done was a good start. PS: It won't be your intelligence that gains you the respect of your peers and mentors, it will be your values, and how well you live them.

[@starylize]

maybe you could talk about being in college and your adjustment to that? or just philosophy because it’s interesting

[@NikhileshSurve]

You should reupload that deleted video on destransition since you've really been detransitioning now.

[@PhoenixfromCanada]

Ollie, I would love to see you just be you🏳️‍🌈. I love you for who you are and a suggestion for creativity, what about painting your depression. I, too, have depression; I found that through art and storytelling I could express myself without the fear of being judged by other, even though, that vulnerability was still there. I support you in your decisions and will be here if you need someone to talk too.

[@ChadDidNothingWrong]

0:11 You smart. Its easier to act yourself into a new habit than to think yourself into it. Looks like it worked too lol.

[@axvle]

This is so relatable.

[@commentsiguess1263]

I'm a trans guy and the only thing that's keeping me from transitioning is the fear of detransitioning.

[@Dmchadra]

Comments I Guess oof. I’ve been there, friend

[@ayupwhatsthis8339]

Idk if you still see those professionals who helped your transition, but if you do, please raise all of this with them. Ps, watched till the end.

[@lfrancis8980]

You should talk about religion again!

[@ClicheKHFan]

Give us an update on the cult story

[@AnnaMc456]

Weird, my comment was either accidentally deleted by me or you deleted it. Not sure what happened exactly. Anyways, I hope you're doing ok - was basically the point of my comment.

[@Amadeus2005x]

thanks for the vid, validation huh, well your handsome, well spoken, conscientious, do what's right for you. You could share your favorite music, or movie. Or even may-be something tutorial. As far as de-transitioning...whether you're he, she, it, they or them. We're here for you.

[@thomassiegling3532]

Hey, i sent you a mail, youtube won't let me comment what I wanted to say, always deletes it right after I post, not sure why. Have a good one!

[@antjuanfinch1461]

Whatever you lack in intelligence you make up for in charm. I wouldn't worry about it

[@lfrancis8980]

Comment for algorithm

[@Andy-wy7vk]

Make a video about your ideology (left, center, right-wing, libertarian, classical liberal...)

[@xDannyRBNx]

Hi, I'm sure people are interested in a story. You don't have to prove something. Just tell your story. The phases you're going through, your thoughts and your conclusions.

[@SethDaMeth]

I like the Chicago flag in the background lol

[@rainofcali]

why are you trying to act like Trip Whip?

[@rainofcali]

then you try to act like Peterson.

[@rainofcali]

btw, its pretty obvious your entire self-worth isn't actually based on your intelligence. Its pretty disappointing that even after a few years you're still stagnated in your views. And I even feel some form of guilt for pointing it out purely because you look like a teenage boy when it actuality you are an adult.

[@liamariavoelker4162]

Who says who have to look a certain way at a certain age? Thats bullshit.

[@antoniovlassa5886]

your viewers want to see the views of a trans person that doesn't believe misuse of pronouns is a violation of human rights, or at least who is against laws prohibiting it, they want to see what the experience of a transgender person who hasn't been indoctrinated by those people is, you're a minority within your minority group and you might not have the highest IQ (which doesn't affect you to the extent you make it out to do, and I think you should learn a lot about IQ, professor Peterson has some heavy lectures on that, Dr. Grande is another person I would rather recommend) you might not be the most intelligent person, but it's not intelligence alone that matters, but the personality traits and the personality in itself of the person speaking, nobody is here looking for a messiah, they're looking to learn about who and what you are and what makes that, and if you are able to expose yourself in front of those people reaching out to understand you, again, a minority within a minority group, you are not wronging them, some might feel hurt, it's part of life, they will either question themselves to see what makes them feel pain when listening or just leave. Please don't be too hard on yourself, I can relate to a lot of what you said so far, basically listening to my life story, so I have some understanding as to how hard it might be, but I urge you not to prioritise thinking about how you affect others more than what your purpose and the purpose of this public meditation is. Much respect.

[@themoniker197]

If you wanna feel really dumb check out a channel called Jreg. Inspiring political satire.

[@themoniker197]

That's where you should start, though, in my honest opinion, if you're feeling like you don't know. His stuff really speaks to the disillusionment and confusion of the modern landscape of discourse that I feel your channel began in. Incredibly funny stuff, too. Then come back and reconsider your outlook after his crash course.

[@61butthatsaveragehere87]

Kinda doubt that most people in college, freshmans, have above average erudition like you

[@antjuanfinch1461]

You seem far more self actualized these days

[@callmeadmin]

Interesting self revelation. Good that you went to college, it is much better than to consume media, which does not make you better. Try to make yourself better, educate yourself and educate your audience. For example, in next.video can you explain us what is "confirmation bias". People who know what it is, do not fall into that trap (that often) and thus make themselves a better human being!

[@wesleycarson9917]

Why do you say you are cis and proud? Was that referring to a previous identity?

[@Dmchadra]

Wesley Carson no it’s a joke

[@ferros8215]

I hear talk about the IQ, don't hear a lot of talking about the EQ.

[@aurinha176]

You should know that IQ is a very outdated way to measure intelligence. It makes people think that something as complex as intelligence can purely be watered down to just a 2-3 digit number, when this is simply ridiculous. It also makes people think that it is "set in stone" from the moment you are born and for the rest of your life. This is just not true, as there are many facets to intelligence and some of those can be developed over time. Seriously, I respect JP for some things, but him being a clinical psychologist and having such faith on IQ alone for intelligence measurements is off-putting. I guess he's just too old.

[@maverickspirit208]

Live your life only worrying about what God thinks of you.

[@АлтруистАнтиклерикалац]

My perspective about the college is that the only thing you have to do is learn and repeat what you have learned, learn and repeat, learn and repeat . . That's not inovative for me and that's not how you're supose to learn how to think... The best students are masters od learning and repeating - you don't have to be very inteligent for that, average is fine. Average inteligent person can become everything in academic field... College does not define how inteligent you are because your teachers are probably average.... ( Sorry ,english is not my first language)

[@dantwyt]

Try 'acting' as a hobby