r/AITA For "Ruining" My Brothers Wedding After I Refused Their Insane Request

[@angeliccow]

Story one - She missed a golden opportunity to tell her FSIL that it would be irresponsible of her to not get an ADULT to babysit the kids and expect a "child" to do it.

[@holeymcsockpuppet]

Epic!!!

[@MaryTheresa1986]

This! Hopefully OP went no contact with those horrible people.

[@lynprincevalli5221]

Plus it actually is illegal, at least it is in my home state of CT for sure. I did it for a living. 10 to one ratio of teacher to student for ages 3-11. 4 to one ratio ages 2 and under plus there must be someone medical certified to give any medication necessary to anyone's child on premises. If I had overheard this crap going on at the table near me I would have most certainly stepped up and told them this because I take childcare VERY seriously!

[@doctordetroit1217]

Thanks Lyn, I knew about the 4 to 1 ratio in the UK, wasn't sure about elsewhere!

[@lynprincevalli5221]

@@doctordetroit1217 I don't know if the ratios are the same throughout the US, I would think so but one never knows with my country! States can decide for themselves. Personally I think it should be 3 to 1 when it comes to the under 2 crowd. I went private duty rather than stay with a daycare center with this being one of the reasons. Private duty pays better and depending on the family it is appreciated much more. I stayed with that family until the child graduated. I intended to go after another position but my own grandchild was born and my daughter and her husband asked me to care for their baby and what grandma would say No? At least one worth anything!

[@mef2101]

Story 4: Bindi is NOT the only option. Bindi is the EASIEST option. So tough shit. OP knew about this many weeks in advance. OP could have made arrangements for someone medically qualified to sit for them, or possibly OP doesn't go. Bindi is a minor, and not medically trained, and OP wanted her to handle OP's parenting responsibilities? Nope, sorry. This is so wrong on so many levels.

[@leialast288]

THIS

[@notscorchingsands9718]

How?

[@Russman67]

Here's hoping Bindi got away from that house.

[@haroldvazquez]

This

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

Yeah. That is a classic case of poor planning and lazy parenting. 😒

[@shellysusan4094]

1. A standard babysitting rate is $10/hour/kid. So that would be $2400 ($1200 each). Telling OP that they can’t go to the wedding is ridiculous, but what Emily suggested they pay for babysitting is completely insane.

[@evarodriguez4319]

And $10is cheap in my area.

[@mbyerly9680]

OP and her BF are becoming licensed daycare workers which should more than double the standard rate, too.

[@Tyanna01]

Don't forget about food. They have to provide a meal and snacks for 40 kids across 6 hours. That should be coming out of bridezilla's budget too. Also, crafting/activity supplies need to be paid for too. Where will the babysitting be happening? At the same place as the reception or will OP and her boyfriend need to entertain that many kids at their own house? Where will young ones nap? Will diapers and wipes be provided? Can 40 kids even be accommodated while following pandemic procedures right now? The money is the tip of the iceberg for this logistics nightmare.

[@JUMALATION1]

For me it was exactly 11.87 for an hour of a maximum of 8 toddlers (1-3 years old). More independent kids, like 5-9-year-old-ish maybe?, could demand a higher head count but not lower wages. Hmm. I could handle 12 well behaved kids that age and wage, but no more.

[@SavvyGirl751]

They are out of ratio too and could get into legal trouble for babysitting that many kids

[@HannaFardew]

Story 2: NTA and get your kids removed from that house ASAP. Your daughter REFUSED to go back to her dad's which means something is going on behind closed doors. She feels the most relaxed and safe with you, which means there is a good chance that she is either being verbally, mentally, or emotionally abused by either her stepmom, her dad, or both

[@gaxalee7392]

It caused serious alarm bells in my head when it said that the daughter refused to go with Kate when she came to pick her up. I hope it’s just a stubborn girl wanting her mom when she’s sick, but with the way the dad and Kate are acting, I highly doubt it’s that simple.

[@josephmckee3605]

I think they are pushing the kate=mum role too much and probably berating the kids when they don't treat kate as mummy

[@amberleeannalee1999]

Probably constantly “but she’s your mom too” yelling call her mom and ignoring the kids if they won’t call her mom. Divorced Dads are daft Af

[@HelenWA]

put a body cam on her

[@CyberCervine]

@@josephmckee3605 they are most likely getting on the kids for not treating Kate as their mom. As someone who was in a similar situation when I was little, that's exactly what my dad wanted with his wife. He got cut off when I became an adult so it didn't work out for him 💀

[@lostshadows768]

Emily is looking to avoid having the first OP at the wedding. If she's babysitting for six hours, she'll obviously miss the ceremony. If she refuses to babysit, she's "ruining" the wedding and gets uninvited. It's a lose-lose situation and she's probably better off staying home and hoping her brother sees how manipulative this woman is being. (Probably won't happen before the wedding.)

[@kristy6703]

I disagree with the commenter who said that OP and her brother were not as close as she thought they were. I think they were very close and his fiancee didnt like it. That is the reason why she doesnt like OP and is doing everything she can to destroy the relationship. And that you are right about not wanting her at the wedding. She made the 21+ rule to exclude her. Then when she had to relent she came up with the babysitting thing as plan B to keep her away from the wedding.

[@robertx8020]

@@kristy6703 And how much do you like to bet, that the 'over 21 only' rule only applies to OP and her BF?

[@puli_dreadhead]

@@robertx8020 the future SIL would probably encourage OP’s boyfriend to be more involved in the wedding leaving OP to handle all of the kids. Like make him the unofficial bouncer to any other woman that’s not her future MIL.

[@robertx8020]

@@puli_dreadhead That MIGHT be her plan ..don't think the BF would fall for that :)

[@Nerobyrne]

I really love the threat of uninviting her. It's not like she could be at the ceremony anyway ^^

[@a-a-ron2336]

First story, how in the hell is it a child free wedding if there's 40 kids there 🤣

[@Azulakayes]

That's what I was wondering!

[@undeadladybug7723]

I'm just wondering how many people are invited that there's 40 children to look after.

[@stirrednotshaken4823]

Yea, I was also wondering why people would be bringing their children if they know it's a child free wedding...unless the fiancee told people to bring them just so OP couldn't be there to witness the ceremony. And then that would make OP's brother a spineless wimp who can't even stand up for having his own family members at the wedding!!

[@ScreamingDucksShotMyMother]

I feel like yall don't seem to get that some weddings have designated spots for kids to go. They aren't attending the wedding, and they aren't around the party. So it's still a child free wedding.

[@stirrednotshaken4823]

@@ScreamingDucksShotMyMother Must be a new norm because I have never been to a child free wedding. In fact, maybe I am out of touch cause it's been a number of years since I went to a wedding, but if the invite says no kids, then I wouldn't bring kids (shrugs).

[@TonySamedi]

I'm surprised no one threw that awful mothers own words back her. SHE needs to "make a small sacrifice for the family" and give up her own trip so the daughter can go to the halloween thing.

[@natashaleeaussiemama9774]

That was so bloody heartbreaking

[@doggolovescheese1310]

I listened to this one on another KZbin channel people said exactly that in the comments, a whole bunch of people jumped on ass

[@interestedobserver-gk3ih]

If CPS heard of this mom would be in no end of trouble if she actually went through with her weekend plans. She might even have left her self open to criminal charges such as abandonment since the trip involved her leaving town.

[@user-wr3vt8uq4s]

Oh, I suspect mom will have OP making "small sacrifices" for the rest of her life. No doubt she will want to pawn Fritz off on OP at some point. OP better "update resume, leave town" at some point in the not too distant future.

[@jillmortlock8439]

Do the bride and groom have liability insurance? Because if something happens to any of those kids, you are toast. Do not touch this with a barge pole. And the parents who thought it was okay to exclude you from the wedding? They really are beyond awful.

[@MollyMoxer]

Plus, most places have a legal obligation not to exceed a set child-to-caretaker ratio. You can be held liable for accepting more children than a reasonable adult can take.

[@paulinadeboer3604]

Plus most teachers have Kids in the same age range with the same needs. 40 Kids in different age range is dangerous. The law for small Kids under 4 is only 10kids/person. 4-12 is 20kids/person 12-18 is 30kids/person in a classroomsetting where each have their own table and chair. You are not allowed 40 Kids in different age range. So you can not get this assurance. This is why summercamps has so much camp groupleaders.

[@derekmadge]

I mean what could go wrong? Besides, say, allergic reaction, Lost Child or children, fights among the children, cooking accidents choking incidents, tripping and lost tooth, even some of those older so-called children who should not be around young children? The irresponsibility of this suggestion is gigantic.

[@msredux]

They have a mom, they don't need another, Kate can mother her own kids.

[@janet6421]

I got Coraline from the library today. Other Mother will be called The Beldam

[@scepticalhyenas5750]

Plus, you KNOW the "daycare" bit is just her way of keeping OP out of the actual wedding. Willing to bet it would be taking place in its own separate little room

[@lorifiedler13]

Not to mention, why TC is there going to be 40 children at the wedding? How many infants, toddlers in diapers, preschoolers, elementary kids? There are legal limits for daycares of child to adult ratio. Also, "just" 6 hours? I call BS.

[@maryforstall7211]

By law a group of children need to have an adult every 10 children. It I s dangerous to a group of 40 children supervised by 2 young adults.

[@amyorso6351]

I dont think someone working in a daycare is allowed to take 20 kids each. I'm not in the state, but here its not allowed. What if something happen? This is only small point to add.

[@owl7072]

Story 1: Normally I have no issues with child free weddings, but that, plus everything else she's doing, is a blatant attempt to keep her fiance's _sister_ from attending simply because she doesn't like her Story 2: I have a feeling he'd have a fit if OP remarried and asked him to split father's day so they can celebrate "equally"

[@TheNormExperience]

Yep. This is basically forcing Op to be used for free labor if she wants to go to her own brothers wedding...what?

[@wascawywabbit0987]

S1: Fiance is jealous of her close relationship with her brother. This is fiance's way of separating them. This is premeditated and malicious. Fiance's jealousy of her future SIL is the reason why they don't get along. There WILL be a divorce sooner or later.

[@arthurgrey8967]

Agree on number 1. And if I were the brother id be cancelling the wedding. No way Im marrying some woman so manipulative and petty.

[@pineapple5175]

The fact that there were probably 40-ish kids

[@missveeta8872]

Story 3: "My wife says 'Whatever, have fun.'" ...and he DID!!! LOL RIP OP :D

[@alicelooney7752]

Leaving a CHILD (even if she is 17) responsible for a "severely autistic" child and another who is only one week out of surgery is not just STUPID, it is probably illegal as well. There is a world of difference between babysitting for a few hours and overnight! I would hope that the adults family you are going away with would question your decision!

[@sixxygrrl]

1. The OP is NTA. If it's "not a big deal" then one of the "adults" can do it. Simple.

[@robertx8020]

Well, B*** wanted a childfree wedding ..if there are 40 kids and everybody that wants to takes their kids now stays home, they have a guest-free wedding! win-win... I bet that IF OP went to the wedding that the 'above 21 only'rule only applied to HER and her BF! Because if she played that trick on me or my family? Nobody from my family would be there!

[@Davtwan]

Imagine being too cheap to spring $200 extra bucks for your wedding lmfao. 🤡

[@robertx8020]

@@Davtwan $200? I don't think it was about the money! It was that B*** not wanting to have OP have anyting!

[@blosiblewolf1273]

@@Davtwan it’s not OP’s problem that they didn’t plan for it lmao, why should OP do free work for 40 kids to a wedding they weren’t invited to in the first place😂 bro the clown here is the Brother and the Fiancé

[@Davtwan]

@@blosiblewolf1273 Yes, I was saying the brother and fiancé are clowns to begin with.

[@FrogsForBreakfast]

Story 4: YTA School dances are a big deal for lots of teens, especially during the pandemic where we're not socializing as much and other important milestones are being cancelled. Halloween is my favorite holiday. If my school had one and my parents wouldn't let me go I'd be crushed. I would be angry for years and never forget it. Even after I got over it, it would be one of those memories that leaves a sour feeling in my chest.

[@CocoCece08]

Prom was mine. My senior HS one, my mom had to work that night so she couldn't take me. My aunt had to. She made sacrifices for the family. That's a parent. Something like OP should be.

[@arawin25]

8th grade Christmas Formal Dance was mine. Im 27 and although I acknowledge that it couldn't be helped, I still remember crying the whole night while staring at the first formal dress I was going to wear. It was the first time Ive ever felt such disappointment and social media didn't help since I could see all the fun my friends were having.

[@skeyed]

On her senior year too, op is def the butthole

[@MrJpaynebb]

3 big things. #1) This is a school event only for juniors and seniors. Guessing this is her senior year and since the dance was canceled last year due to covid-19 this is her only chance to attend. #2) OP is leaving a severely disabled child and another child recovering from surgery with a 17yr old. Even for a 21yrs old that a big task to take on overnight who's not properly trained. #3) Common courtesy. OP and her sister had this planned for weeks, maybe a few months and she's just now telling her oldest about it. She never had any intention of finding another person to watch her kids. OP just assumed that the oldest would be in charge while she was gone without asking her or even giving her a heads up when making the initial plans. Any parent going out of town hours away weeks in advance informs their partner or others in the household of their trip to plan accordingly. To not do so is just rude and inconsiderate.

[@cisio64123]

@@MrJpaynebb All of that but to have actually planned the trip while KNOWING her other child would be having surgery right before it....really ? What kind of responsible parent does that ? The mom knowingly chooses the most inconvenient time for her trip for ALL of her children but then wants to dump everything on her eldest with no conversation about it first or proper preparation and thinks she isn't TAH .....OMG !

[@SilverstreamPJ28]

Story 5: for the next birthday hand him the divorce papers. This man literally sounds like a sociopath.

[@Azulakayes]

100%

[@crystal_star6222]

Yassss

[@isabelleisabelle4896]

I would have give him a pair of diamond earings. At least I would be happy to have them back 10 month later.

[@dillongage]

I agree, but they both suck at gift giving tho. A belt is a horrible gift.

[@isabelleisabelle4896]

@@dillongage Why? We don't know the price of this belt, and the item was on his wishlist. And even if the gift is that awful, do you find it normal to keep it 10 month and giving it back as an other birthday gift ?

[@carolbelvin5278]

In Story 4, if I was Bindi, I would walk out of the door and go to the dance, then stay overnight at a friend’s house. However, I would also call the police and CPS and let them know that mom has gone on a sister’s fun weekend and left a severely disabled child alone. Mom would get what she deserved when Fritz gets taken away and mom gets hauled into court. Bindi- don’t let mom parentify you.

[@CocoCece08]

Oh, yes...I love that idea!

[@stephenlundy5082]

No,that is actually a pretty shitty thing to do. Think about it, sure Mom is being a little bit selfish here, but on the other hand she has had 9 years of a severely disabled child, probably with little or no break. And Mom's future is pretty bleak. She is going to have to struggle with this child and his freak-outs until she is too old to handle it any longer, and he is physically larger and stronger then she is. Eventually he will be institutionalized probably at middle age, because his behavior will have evolved to a point where no one can safely control him. Mom will likely end up old and alone and feeling like a life failure because she lost in what can only be seen as a no-win situation. So as for Mom getting what "she deserves" from CPS, nobody deserves the no-win hand that she has been dealt. In the end, this Mom, especially after reading this thread will likely do what many Moms in this no-win situation always do. They will sacrifice their own happiness to a child who will never look them in the eye or say "I love you, Mom." And she will feel guilty about even ever wanting something for herself.

[@fionaeckert4556]

@@stephenlundy5082 you are right, mom had 9 years to get Fritz accustomed to an outside-of-family babysitter... And she failed to do so. If she didn't ask Bindi in advance (aka as soon as the date of her trip was settled) to babysit Bindi has absolutely no obligation to do so. I would say Bindi should stay home AND call CPS on her siblings and herself because her mother left three minor children, two with health issues at the time, home alone.

[@franniefargo9454]

@@stephenlundy5082 mother should put Fritz in a group home. The sooner the better. This way won’t be so traumatizing for Fritz when he is older and harder to handle.

[@boydmccollum692]

@@stephenlundy5082 Spot on. Some cold ass heartless people on here. Also accusing the mom of being selfish, so the 17 should be selfish too by going to the dance and getting CPS involved. This whole thing about "parentifying" a kid is bullocks too. God forbid a 17 year needs to take on additional responsibility for a widowed mother. Less than a hundred years ago kids where growing up during the Great Depression, needing to work after going to school (if their family could even afford them the time to go) just to survive. It's not an ideal situation for the mother, the girl, or the family. Really no one is the asshole. It sucks and everyone is loosing out. Let's say the mom doesn't go, the daughter goes to the party, then realizes her mom feels like shit and if she has any empathy, then feels guilt herself over going to a Halloween party. How transient is that. The thing about the 14 yo having surgery, is overblown, and a a non issues. The daughter felt her younger sister could handle the brother for few hours while at the party so the surgery sounds bad because of the word "surgery".

[@jennstewart3003]

1- Uhhh $50 or $150 to be completely responsible for 40 kids that you may not know or even be related to, yeah no. Even a future teacher or pediatrician are not a qualified people to be solely responsible for 6+ hours. No one is.

[@Athlynne]

Also, let me get this straight, you're not only leaving Bindi to watch Fritz alone, you're bailing on Ava, who will have just had surgery? You don't think maybe you should be there to help her while she's recovering? Jesus, even in my 30s, any time I had any kind of procedure, my mom would jump up every time I moved an inch to insist on getting me whatever I needed. Do you, like, care about your kids?

[@everdreamcosplay]

Story 1 - Definitely NTA. I would not babysit for 40+ kids for 6 hours for ANY amount of money even with one other person. You need minimum 3 carers, and 4 would probably be a healthier ratio. That is insanity. And to just ASSUME someone will do it without even asking? smh

[@BlueSkyBS]

Story 2: Forcing love always works.... to drive people away. Story 4: The comments say it all, really. Mother is so far up her own fundamental orifice that she can see the light streaming into her mouth.

[@DenMotherArkala]

Two people for ~40 kids is SO WILDLY illegal, it’s hysterically ridiculous. Also, old enough to look after so many children…but not old enough to attend? Really?

[@yadayada752]

$50 payment for 6 hours is $8.33 an hour. $8.33 an hour for 40 kids is $0.21 per child. Most babysitters charge by the kid per hour. They probably got several bids & realized how much it was going to cost. Oh, sister will do it!!!!!

[@torcedrake]

Story 5, that wasn't a gift, that was a petty return.

[@scousemouse9566]

Story 1, NTA, is OPs brother the golden child because she is being treated like crap by parents for not babysitting 40 kids 🧇🧇🧇🧇🧇

[@kristy6703]

seriously. YOu wouldnt do that to any other career. "I need you to give 40 physical exams for $1.25 per person because it will help you become a doctor." or "I told everyone you will change the oil in thier car for $1.25 per car becuase it will help you become a better mechanic."

[@lrock48]

@@kristy6703 should've been like $10 per child per hour.

[@kristy6703]

@@lrock48 agreed.

[@topazblu6209]

Based on her post it's just the mom. The parents are divorced and the dad already said he doesn't like Emily and thinks the request to babysit is ridiculous.

[@Threadnaught]

@@kristy6703 $4.16 per hour. $0.62.5 per kid. $0.10.4 per kid per hour. Okay, the pay is bad, but the slag's attempts to cut OP out of her brother's life is worse. It's an abuse tactic.

[@HackiePuffs]

Story 4: YTA. “This was a case when she needed to make a sacrifice for the family” why don’t you do it cause you’re the adult of the household?? You SERIOUSLY want your daughter who’s not even 18 yet to stay home and care for her autistic brother and sister who is recovering from a surgery?? That’s NOT a reasonable “responsibility” to put on a 17 year old. I put responsibility in quotes because it’s really a burden.

[@brigidtheirish]

I can kinda see OP's point since her trip was planned well in advance, so Bindi should've known she'd be needed to babysit. Bindi *also* should've known that her sister would be in *no* condition to take care of their brother so soon after surgery. Granted, I had no social life as a teen and was fine watching my siblings for a few hours. Would've been more fine if they *listened* to me, but that's a different topic. That said, having such a restricted selection of potential babysitters was *exceedingly* poor planning on OP's part. Fritz's autism is severe enough that they've probably known about it since infancy, they should have found someone *outside the family* who could bond with Fritz and work as a babysitter in a pinch. Preferably someone with *training* in managing special-needs children.

[@CocoCece08]

@@brigidtheirish Still OP'S fault here. Bindi shouldn't have to babysit and "sacrifice" her social life. OP needs to make some sacrifices or let Fritz go along with her.

[@dustyrose192]

@@CocoCece08 this is called parentifaction, its a type of abuse, amking your kids act like mini parents to their younger or disabled siblings

[@llamabrat07]

Also, she will be going off to college soon. What is OP’s plan for watching Fritz once the older sisters leave the house? Will she try and force Bindi to go to college local so she can always be available to baby sitter? How come she never worked to always have a caregiver who can watch him when you need it? OP is a major AH. And will be in for a major rude awakening when at least Bindi decides to go NC. She also needs to start planning on a care home for Fritz when she can no longer care for him. The good ones can have years long waiting lists. He needs specialized care long term and Bindi and Ava are unable to provide that care and will have their own lives as adults and possibly families to care for.

[@robertx8020]

@@brigidtheirish "I can kinda see OP's point since her trip was planned well in advance, so Bindi should've known she'd be needed to babysit" 1.Reading the story, I don't feel like OP told her in advance! 2.It's not Bindi's responability 3.I wonder how often OP pulls this crap! 4.What should Bindi do if there is an emergency (e.g. if the sister needs a doctor or back to the hospital? ) Should she leave one of them unattended? should she take both? HOW? As I bet OP hasn't got a car? 5.How will OP handle this once OP leaves? Or will she just guild trip her to say home forever? OP sounds like an controling, abusive, bad parent!

[@j.graham8068]

Story 1: Don't worry about ruining your relationship with your brother. When they get divorced he can repair that relationship.

[@closeenough3606]

Preschool teacher assistant here. Story 1 is impossible to do even if op wanted. We need at least 2 adults per room due to how many needs young children have. It’s begging for a injury of some kind that can’t be treated right due to having so many

[@leighnisbett9691]

In the UK the law is for every 5 children it's one adult ,they need 8/9 adults to keep within the law .

[@mechellemoore4642]

"Tell Nate your sorry, but you'll be there for the next." THIS

[@LadyWolvie82]

The post screamed that Ryan is the Golden Child.

[@edkrach8891]

Story 1 The Last thing the sister of the groom should be doing at his wedding is BABYSITTING. Emily had more than enough time to find someone who is not in the family to do that.

[@songohan3321]

Didn't know an 18 year old was still considered a child. I guess we need to do something about those 18 year old cigarette/weed smoking/vaping child soldiers in our Army.

[@joaolima7131]

Yeah, or Emilly REALLY hate children and teens or she did this on purpose so OP wasn't invited or maybe both. Or maybe she planned all this so OP would watch the kids and she refused she could use It against her, she is manipulative and OP's brother is a simp.

[@catherineholt1149]

Yeah its crazy that a 20 year old is still considered a child.

[@moakristenssom936]

In my country , over 18 means you’re considered an adult in more or less every sense of the word. The only exception is buying alcohol at the liquor store, which you have to be 20 for. Hell, the age of which you can get legally punished for crimes is 15 here. And there have been debates and discussions about lowering the voting age-limit to 16. So hearing anyone suggesting that a 20 y/o would be considered a child is honestly completely ridiculous.

[@immortalsofar5314]

@@moakristenssom936 Yeah, it was the Vietnam war that gave 18-year-olds the vote - just think about how agregious that was! Our last camping trip of the year was always child-free and one of the kids was about 16 - on the cusp, kind of thing. I explained the "no" to him by pointing out that, older or not, we'd still have to hide the drugs and keep our clothes on and he understood. The next year, he had matured enough that it was a no-brainer that he came with us.

[@itsjustme7487]

And voting and taking out credit cards. student loans and auto loans.

[@SilentDecepticon]

1: It does sound like that rule about nobody under 21 at the wedding was directed at OP. The brother insisted on her being there so the fiancee made her the babysitter in retaliation. If OP watched the kids or refused to go to the wedding at all because of this BS, the fiancee would win either way. I hope the brother realizes that he's ruining his relationship with his sibling over this nasty witch, who he probably won't be married to for more than 5 years. 2: Kate needs to stay in her lane and stop trying to force a relationship with the kids. If she ever wants them to see her as a mother figure, it has to happen naturally, with time. That includes a good relationship with the bio mom. 3: I have to go with OP here. The wife was probably going to sleep all night, her mother was there to watch over things and OP would have been back in the morning. He could have asked if he should stay home, yes, but she could have said that she wanted him to stay as well. Nobody can read minds. 4: I feel bad for the daughter. She hasn't gone to any school functions in over a year and there aren't many opportunities left. She's not the one that needs to make a "small sacrifice" for the family. Those aren't her kids, and she's not the adult here. And it's irresponsible of her mom to expect her to watch two kids who need special care when any family help is hours away, just so she can go have fun. 5: Dude deserves a belt across the face. He waited months to pull that petty BS. WTF! He absolutely knew that what he was doing was a jerk move or he would have given her that "gift" in front of the guests. What a horrible, nasty person. OP needs to consider if she wants to stay with this angry ten year old.

[@paulinadeboer3604]

Story 3, have fun the first time. She knew he would go, if she did not want this, she had to say it before he left. The guy is not a mind reader. I hate woman like this, always think their husband can read their minds instead of using words.

[@LoveableNiki]

Story 4: YTA. Wait! So OP is going on a planned trip and is leaving her 14yo and 9yo (who needs extra care) with her 17yo...but she is just telling her 17yo??? Sounds like parentification to me. Bindi is not OP's partner. Bindi is a child. Even when Bindi is 18, Bindi is not a parent of the 14/9yo. I do not feel as though it is safe to GO ON A F**KING TRIP and leave the 9yo old with Bindi. OP is a terrible parent. Bindi should tell OP if OP attempts to go on a trip and leave the 14/9yo, she's calling the police for abandonment. How the hell do you plan a trip without securing a proper babysitter. I AM LIVID.

[@notscorchingsands9718]

She did

[@LoveableNiki]

@@notscorchingsands9718 She did what?

[@juliemcgugan1244]

My Mother never did this with my older sister and I. Even when she reached 18, my sister and I got packed off to a family friend's house, who had kids the same ages as us and whom we knew well. OP is taking so many chances, not only with her children's safety, but also with her continued custody of them. The risk is soooo not worth it. It is a lifetime of regret and consequences, if it goes wrong.

[@emmathornley4745]

story 1: isn't it illegal to have that low of a ratio of adults to children? like, I thought you had to have one adult to every 3-4 children or someting; or is that just in the case of like daycares and summer camps

[@gaxalee7392]

It depends on the age of the children and the qualifications of the carer, along with the requirements of your area. For example: I knew a daycare worker qualified to watch 8-12 kids between ages 2-4 on her own in Shawnee, OK, US. Teachers for public schools are generally allowed to “watch” around 20 kids at a time because they’re all at an age where they can handle basic tasks(such as using the bathroom or eating) on their own.

[@catherineholt1149]

@@gaxalee7392 teachers also have way more back up then baby sitters. But either way one unqualified person looking after 40 regardless of age is illegal. You just csnt watch that many as a baby sitter

[@gaxalee7392]

@@catherineholt1149 Yeah, absolutely. School settings are very controlled situations. Should have clarified that, sorry.

[@gl8172]

This was my thought too. Even if it isn't technically illegal, did they seriously think that one adult per 20 kids was even remotely feasible? Granted these are the same people who thought that a 20 year old shouldn't be able to attend a "childfree" wedding. They sound completely irrational.

[@sprats1241]

It depends on the state or country. In my US state, even in a less structured babysitting scenario it becomes illegal to watch over more than 7 children and that number becomes less the younger they are. If someone were to report this 40 child with 2 adults scenario, it’s likely OP could even get in trouble for being involved.

[@elaexplorer]

Having been the child that had to stay and take care of special needs siblings, that parent is definitely the AH. I'm 48 and still resent having been denied the opportunity to go to a school for the arts I was invited to attend when I was 14. It was a charter (so part of the public education system aka free) boarding school with everything included. But "someone" had to take care of my siblings and do all the cooking and cleaning...

[@serinadavis4611]

I know exactly what Bindi is feeling. I was put in that position most of my childhood. At the age of fourteen, I started planning my ESCAPE. I was quiet, did as I was told, lost out on a ton of activities I should have been allowed to participate in but wasn't allowed because I was needed at home to take care of kids that weren't mine. One week after my 18th birthday, that coincided with my HS graduation, an Army recruiter knocked on my family's door and I walked out, and was taken to the enlistment center. Echoing in the background was my families shock about 'How could I do this to them?' I had to do it, because if I was going to have a life, I had to leave. I never regretting it. My life became about my choices, not choices my parents made for me. I learned how to set boundaries long before it became 'thing', and again never regretted it.

[@SewardWriter]

​@@serinadavis4611 I'm proud of you. 💖

[@natashabrown4790]

​Serina Davis that resonated with me. I grew up in a abusive household. I tried to fight back in the beginning but after awhile I realized it was pointless. Wasn't allowed to get a job or a driver's license but was made to stay home taking take of my sister's kid instead of regularly going to school like a kid is supposed to. Was a perfectly well behaved child till I turned 18 and got out.

[@Nerdificent]

This is a perfect way to make the neurotypical children resent their brother.

[@FriedaMMartin]

That first story sounds absolutely dangerous for the children

[@LoveableNiki]

Story 5: NTA. Husband is TA. If husband no longer wanted the belt, he should have removed it from his list. In addition, why not just tell OP to see if it could be returned? If it could not be, it would be husband's fault because HE SHOULD HAVE REMOVED IT FROM HIS LIST. Y'all are going to say I'm going too far, but I may separate over this. Husband did a weird thing, and I would take it as disrespect. It's a big red flag....use your words! I don't do the passive-aggressive thing.

[@4rch_nemesis448]

I agree with you, his stunt is worthy of separation/divorce. Who knows what else he has been bottling up and how he will respond in the future? He's had this planned out for who knows how long after he got the gift. More than likely it's just the tip of the iceberg.

[@The_Note_lt]

But think like this. Who in their right mind would give a belt as a gift and expect other to be happy?

[@panicattheanimationstudio5673]

@@The_Note_lt thing is it was something he wanted. It was on his wishlist, it's not unreasonable for her to think he'd be happy with it because it's on his wishlist.

[@The_Note_lt]

@@panicattheanimationstudio5673 no he had it on his wishlist but that does not mean he wanted that as gift. I keep a lot of stuff on whishlist as a refence or so i would not forget to get it in the future when there is a sale. Legit i have no clue what kind of belt this was for op to imagine its a good gift

[@4rch_nemesis448]

@@The_Note_lt Depends on whether or not you count a pro wrestling championship belt.

[@mothertrucker936]

Last story: NTA that cut very deeply. Your husband purposely hurt you on your birthday. He is low, very low. Op, I’m no doctor but this smells of narcissistic personality disorder. If you find yourself in arguments/fights/disagreements that come from left field and you’re being made to look awful when your interventions were pure and with love, there’s something eating your partner. Please don’t tolerate mistreatment EVER. Offer to get counseling together. If he refuses, go alone.

[@indianspartan76]

Story 1: Absolutely NTA. Emily is showing exactly why she was single at the age of 32 (red flags galore) (not to offend any single ladies over 32; sometimes there are reasons and not circumstances). Nate is going to be unhappy in this marriage with that lack of spine

[@HelenWA]

and nate is a simp for allowing this. What's the chances she's cheating or going to and he's not going to do anything about it i bet

[@dillongage]

​@@HelenWA id say atleast 3-1. Any takers? 😂

[@Mewse1203]

Story 1: NTA So it's child free, and she made concessions to have OP there but now wants her to babysit? No way. That's her brothers wedding. Brother shouldn't have offered anyone's services without asking. This whole situation is bonkers and the only person ruining anything is the bride. She didn't want OP there anyway so this just seems like a ploy to get her out after conceding.

[@gl8172]

I agree, nothing else makes sense. OP wasn't initially invited so how did they become so vital to the babysitting scheme all of a sudden that it would "ruin the wedding" for them not to be there? They were willing and able to do without OP originally, somehow.

[@81babyruthluv]

Mom, you are the AH. Your daughter is NOT your kids parent....YOU ARE. It is up to you to cancel this trip and be there for your freakin son, for gods sake. Let your damn 17 year old go to a Halloween dance! How often are you 17? I would hate having you as a mom.

[@theloverlyladylo9158]

Story 5: NTA and FUCKING LEAVE HONEY. I hate to be the “leave him over this small thing” but fuck, this is a moment for it. He gave you a list of gift items, you bought something from it, he gets angry that you didn’t read his mind and know he actually get him a fancy electronic, then keeps it and gives it back to you in lieu of a birthday present. Even leaving all that out, his idea of an acceptable gift for his wife is something he doesn’t want, and she should be good with that? This man has no respect for you and he never will. Leave.

[@carolroberts4614]

It was incredibly spiteful wasn't it! Unbelievable! She should leave. Something weird is going on in his brain, and it's not going to be good for op.

[@chrissherrill49]

You are so right.

[@robertx8020]

Did you forget the part where he says "a gift is a gift"? Well clearly only when AH gives it I would leave and on his birthday I would send him some paper tissues as a gift because ...well a gift is a gift? This guy is a big AH!

[@LunaGirl196]

Plus also her describing it as his face having no emotion to it is insanely concerning

[@robertx8020]

@@LunaGirl196 yes! but even w/o all oif this, he is still an AH just for pulling this stunt

[@topazblu6209]

Story 1: NTA. That's too many kids; especially for a child free wedding. The family members that are complaining are more than welcome to chip in and help with the babysitting duties. On another note, how did this even get approved at the venue? Isn't there occupancy restrictions in place (you know, being a pandemic and all)? Hopefully OP declines. There are too many things that can go wrong especially when it comes to feeding (allergies, etc), entertaining (toys/objects that are choking hazards), potty breaks (diaper changes, etc).

[@vrsalcedo7245]

They don't say where the kids are supposed to be kept for those 6+ hours, either. At the church? The reception venue? Are they renting a school bus to take the kids along once the wedding is done and before the reception starts? My guess is that Emily hasn't given a thought to any of this and if she does try and pull this off, she's going to be very surprised when the church and/or reception venue outright refuse to accommodate such a huge liability issue.

[@itrasheditgood]

If someone showed such blatant disregard over an unwanted gift, well my gift giving days would be over. I know someone who would do cruel things just to see his woman unhappy and confused. He literally pulled the silent treatment for a whole week once, not because he was angry, but on a whim. This man wasn’t violent, just manipulative. This type of behaviour is an abusive tactic to get the partner to do his bidding, and send her a message that his love is conditional. The sad thing is that she would do anything for him and when he grew tired of her, he divorced her. I don’t think she got anything. While OP is not the AH, she needs to really assess her relationship and suggest couple’s therapy, if he is not agreeable divorce.

[@forsomenotreally]

The "child free wedding", I just have one question, if this is a child free wedding why is a baby sitter needed at all? Why are people bringing their children and yet the sibling isn't allowed to attend the wedding? completely see that the future sister in-law hates her future husband's sibling, maybe jealous of their past relationship? Completely possessive of her future husband and can't stand the competition for his attention?

[@catefox]

Story 4: and apparently she didn't tell her daughter beforehand that she's going to have to babysit while you're away

[@cynthiagreske5957]

I almost forgot on the wedding story number two with Nate and Emily: he is marrying the wrong woman. If she's acting this way and they're not even married yet it's only going to get worse. I give the wedding one year

[@KE-hr4sb]

Story 1: NTA. "She said I should be paying her since she'd be giving me practice for my teaching career." Tell her you don't need practice, and parents pay the teacher, not the other way around. Say that either you're a child and too young to attend the wedding, or you're adult enough to be responsible for 40 kids; but she can't have it both ways, so which is it? Then tell your brother that you're disappointed that he'd allow you to be excluded from his wedding just so his bridezilla could attempt to use you and your bf for cheap childcare. Wish him luck (heavily implied he's going to need it), and then go out with your bf during the wedding. Story 3: ESH: You for potentially infecting everyone at the party with whatever bug your wife had (and your MIl too); your wife for demanding you sit at home twiddling your thumbs while she was knocked out on cold medicine (AFTER driving while having been drinking, let's not forget). She also sucks for using what my husband calls "woman speak" saying "Whatever, have fun" when she clearly meant "I hope you choke on a cat-sized hairball, I'm going to remember this and hold a grudge." Story 4: YTA for expecting your daughter give up her fun to parent your children (injured and special needs!!!) so you can go out and have fun. Story 5: NTA and he did that on purpose so he could point the fingers at you. Might I remind you that it was on HIS wish list, so he obviously wanted it; you can't say the same. Re-gifting something the original gift-giver gave to you, back to them, is just crass, but holding onto it and planning it for a year? And then he calls *you* "controlling and demanding"? Leave him. What a gaslighting, manipulative, petty, ungrateful, tantrum-throwing man-child.

[@zetelofabread]

In story 3 he wasnt drunk driving. Also what does esh mean

[@KE-hr4sb]

@@zetelofabread I'm saying she was asking him to drive home after he'd been drinking just so he could twiddle his thumbs while she slept, not that he actually drove drunk. Sorry if that was unclear. ESH = Everyone Sucks Here.

[@jenniferstewarts4851]

Story 2, Courts award mothers day to the mother, and fathers to to the Father. there is NEVER a case where the step mom gets mothers day, unless its 100% full custody with denied visitation. This is the courts view. Kate is NOT their mother. its not Stepmothers day. and if the kids want to get their step mom a gift, they can.... but they day, will always go to the mom... in the eyes of the court.

[@jaymevosburgh3660]

Yeah. I love my stepkid but they go to their dads every Father's Day. As they should. They get me things as well because they see me as another dad. But that is because we have worked at growing a relationship over that twelve years. Forced relationships always turn sour over time, if not from the very beginning. I would never try to put my self in between their mom & dad unless I had too. And they adore their smaller nibblings on both sides ❤

[@Paola-jf2qf]

I remember when my brother's bride to be wanted to see the dress I was wearing to her wedding. I was not in the wedding party etc. I told her I did not have time, locked my door and left. She literally came to my door and I knew she would go through my closet if it was not locked up. She then got upset at my father who got me the dress at Macy's. It was on sale, he and my mom got it while they were getting something for themselves. I was just going to wear something from my closet at that time, I was a broke college student. I was blessed to live at home, had a part time job as a teacher's assistant at that time. My mom actually had surgery in Early October so I took school off to be her care taker and started back in the Spring. The same week as their wedding. So I would not have money to buy anything. I was also staying with my nephew while they went on honeymoon. I didn't know what a big deal seeing my dress was to her and how she said that ruined her day. It was not white, not cream, not on the same color as the bridesmaids etc. It was a simple purple silk dress. My mother said the problem was not the dress it was how I looked in my dress. I am tall and skinny. I am insecure sometimes because I do not look like other cuvier Latinas. My cousins would call me palm tree because my shape. What can we do. She would tell me in disagreements later, you never showed me your dress etc. I would frown then walk away.

[@lucialaurencena1288]

In case you were curious, the OP tried to update, it got taken down but someone asked and we go this: "Hello! I didn't go to the wedding, as a babysitter or a guest. Instead, I hung out with my bf and dad. I received apologies from some of my family members and got blocked by Nate and Emily." Regarding the family dynamic we got this: "Well, my mom and I don't have a good relationship, so she probably didn't care whether I turned up or not. My dad wasn't going anyway so he wouldn't have to see my mom (they're divorced), but he did think Emily was being unreasonable. And Nate's a tricky one...I do think he wanted me there, however, he also didn't want to make Emily upset."

[@kwams26]

Story two: OP should start pushing for stepmoms kids to spend time with her on mother's day. Following stepmoms logic, her kid(s) are OPs as well.

[@stampandscrap7494]

Probably a bit risky my exs 2nd ex would have gone yeah we can have a two month holuday

[@orionspero560]

To me the bigger problem is what the kids think If it were the kids asking I'd have a different answer.

[@dillongage]

​@@orionspero560 my thoughts exactly. If the kids wanted this, OP would be the AH. There IS Step-Mothers day tho. The Sunday following Mothers Day. Same applies for Step-Dads/Fathers day.

[@stevebanner5609]

For the OP who’s husband gave her the belt back: GET OUT NOW. Biggest red flag of immaturity I’ve seen to date. First, NEVER buy him another gift except for divorce papers wrapped up prettily!!

[@sjmorani5753]

Story 4: its been planned for weeks but she didn’t know now until just now? How much notice were you planning on giving her?

[@rokhamler3352]

If you are allowed to have a driver's licence and operate a big metal box on wheels, travelling at high speed - you are not a child. If you can join the army - you are not a child.

[@standinthegsp6858]

Congratulations on winning the mommydearest of the year award! If you can go out of town for the weekend, you can hire a nurse to be there for the weekend.

[@mayurakshimukherjee7948]

The one with the b-day gift, if op remains in that marriage, I would advice her never to gift her husband anything on any ocassion.

[@Lykanna]

Story 4: Did Op ever mention who supposed to watch Fritz in the first place?

[@ttrev007]

The belt gift was a hateful spiteful stunt. I see divorce papers in their gifting future

[@natashaleeaussiemama9774]

Was absolutely disgusting

[@Neighbor-assistantYN]

Wouldn't have to wait long if it's for his bday.

[@dillongage]

Dudes clearly insane, BUT we can all agree that a belt is a horrible gift though right? Please stop buying men ties and belts. I have 12 ties, and 7 belts. I've worn a tie twice in my life, and I wear the same $5 stretchy belt that I bought a walmart every day 😂 enough with belts and ties.

[@Nortarachanges]

@@dillongage, I’m assuming you don’t have a belt on your wishlist though

[@bautistalover]

@@Nortarachangesseriously whether it was on his list or not, unless you’re married to someone who likes practical gifts most people wouldn’t have gotten it unless it was paired with the number 1 or 2 item on the list.

[@neurodiversebutterfly5076]

Story 4: YTA - you ask your kid to take responsibility and maje a “small” sacrifice for the Family. NO… SHE would make a sacrifice for YOU to go to an over night trip with your sister. You are the parrent, it is YOUR responsibility… I myself is a mother to 4 kids with adhd and autism, i can understand the need to take a break and go away for a night out trip. But this is your teens Dance She also missed last year to covid. This isnt only about the Dance, But putting unneccesary responsibility on her, and "telling" her that her needs arent important, that autistic brother, allways are put first due to the special needs, her sisters needs over hers becouse of helth issues both understandably, but she also have to put aside her needs for you making a decision for yourself and your needs, and in the same time validate your own and their needs more than hers, and therefore she isnt equal but beneath. If you make such an entitled request, i wonder how often she has to overcompensate for being the oldest sibling.

[@phatpharm06]

You also forgot to add that OPs sister’s schedule was taken into account over her daughter’s schedule. They chose that weekend because it was the “only” weekend she sister could make.

[@lee02jepson]

Story 1- NTA - If she is too young to go to the wedding reception than she is too young to work for the people aloud there. And she might as well set firm boundaries right now as if she doesn't she will be called upon for free child care when ever they want to go out for an evening (and with this entitled soon to be sister in-law that will happen so often she will practically raise the children, I've seen it happen to someone I know).

[@STB-jh7od]

Story 1: I hope her brother seeing how his fiance is, RECONSIDERS MARRYING HER-DUDE NEEDS TO RUN!!

[@ToastAbrikoos]

Story 3 is a tricky one, NTA by going but while the wife was complaining she wanted him home. It should've been clear drinking wasn't the best choice as in, she is sick and I guess feels ashamed/guilty her mom is there to help/babysit while she's in bed and Op is out partying (while her mum gave the green light to let him go and have fun)and OP could've done it and not let her mom do things. She maybe could've communicated it better what she wanted and asked to be considerate of what she means. But yeah, Technically on the Story, OP is not the AH. But Plottwist: with Covid etc going on, It's not responsible anyway to go to parties while someone else is having a headcold. I do'nt know, it's more in case of a ' how bad is the situation in my country' ....

[@sammieg8641]

This had nothing to do with being ashamed… she was just being a self centered baby… what does it matter if she is home sick and mom is watching the baby vs her out and about… the most ridiculous thing I’ve heard…. She just didn’t want him having fun… if she had to be home miserable then so should he… marriage isn’t going to end well with this self centered attitude

[@Metonymy1979]

Wife was salty she couldn't go to the party. So, in her head, if she was suffering so should her husband.

[@iamalbertwesker2]

Yeah those YTA comments seem to overlook the fact that the wife's mother was taking care of her or think couples need to be beside each other 24/7

[@Cell287]

And they are both vaccinated

[@ZyphoraVasilios]

Ngl her symptoms just sounded like sinus drainage or something. I doubt allergies rank highly on the list of contagious diseases, nor did she need anything other than to take some medicine, drink plenty of water and sleep it off.

[@itsjustmaddisen]

@@Cell287 I’d just like to point out that they don’t know for sure what exactly she had and vaccinating is a preventative measure, but it can still happen. He could have been a spreader and was a bit too casual and flippant about that. Vaccination doesn’t mean 100% won’t happen, just that it most likely won’t happen. I don’t necessarily agree with the wife though (so please don’t come for me)- she had help it wasn’t exactly like she was left alone as well.

[@ColaLoser]

@@itsjustmaddisen Valid point but that's also not why the wife was upset. She was self conscious about the MIL taking care of the child while she was sick in bed and wanted the husband to come home and help out.

[@AllOne82]

Story 3… her “whatever” clearly means he’s in trouble and it’ll be filled away and used against him in any and all future arguments

[@TsukiKageTora]

A tactic manipulators use

[@fantum12000]

Not to mention by the time she called him he had been drinking and it wouldn't be smart to drive drunk

[@robertx8020]

@@fantum12000 I bet she doesn't care ...it all about her! And if he would be in trouble for drunk driving? She would blame him for that too!

[@fantum12000]

@@robertx8020 i 100% agree

[@rabeaw6646]

Yes so true. And this "spreading" thing. Yes you need to be responsible especially with covid around. But you all remember pre pandemic? Wife would have gone to work at her stage. Noone would thought of excusing op for staying home because his wife is sick. Op was resonable, they are vaccinated and it was unlikly they had covid. So i (vaccinated nurse myself) see no problem in going. We sent kids to daycare with mild cold symptoms and noone protests that. Long rant short, spreading a cold is no reason for a yta verdict. Mil had the kid covert and was looking forward to spent time with him. Op would have done mil a disservice by staying home. Yes babysitting is work to but most grandparents enjoy it emensly (if not taken advantage of of cause) So there was no reason to stay home or even worse drive when he already had a few. I hate it when woman play these games. She denied all help from him and signaled it ok to go and now she is complaining. Tell him what you expect before, you had plenty opportunitis ti do so.

[@natashaleeaussiemama9774]

Story 2-oh hell freaking no he crossed a line bringing the kids into it

[@SWeeks698]

Story 3 NTA. Grandma was willing to babysit her grandbaby, the wife is clearly not bedridden and can take cold medicine. Just because you are sick, doesn't mean others should suffer to.

[@CocoCece08]

Right? I had a massive backache one day (Good Friday) and my husband had to mow yards. I didn't stop him.

[@AquaLugia]

This. The "YTA" comments astonish me.

[@christinacartter9784]

@@AquaLugia I wonder, would they have said as much if we weren't coming through a massive pandemic that's made everyone hyper-vigilant of symptoms? Head colds happen, OP was NTA.

[@robertx8020]

@@christinacartter9784 Or what if the husband was on a business trip 2000 miles away? Would they still call him the AH for not comming back to his 'dying' wife?

[@Splatoon_Kirby]

@@robertx8020 Probably not since in that situation Husband wouldn't possibly be carrying w/e the wife has and possibly spreading it around to others. No one was saying she was dying but having any symptoms of illness in a pandemic isn't good.

[@corlenajames1381]

Whenever Mark sings the 'AITB' intro, it brings an instant grin to my face. Love this channel😊

[@pirateadam3686]

Story 3: NTA My wife and I have this problem. When she gets sick she wants to curl up on me like a cat (cue Purell mouthwash), stroke her hair, tell her it will be ok and pile on smoochy woochy lovey dovey as that will cure all ailments. When I get sick I go the other way: "I'm going to bed. Go away, leave soup. If I'm not down in 3 days assume I died and move on with your life. Goodbye". Just do what we do and remember that you love each other and all of the irritating actions come from a place of care. P.S. I refuse to believe that any patient in the history of medicine does from un-fluffed pillows. Leave them alone and sod off!

[@indianspartan76]

Story 3: I'd have said NTA under other circumstances, but I'm going ESH because OP could have spread whatever illness his wife had. It could be COVID, could be a small flu but you could still be spreading that germ around

[@MegisTryingHerBestOK]

Yeah, with the ability to spread whatever bug the wife had aside my issue with this is that he didn't have a conversation with his wife and MIL about the new plan for the evening before he left. It should have been clarified before he ever left when the original plans changed, then there's no need to have a disagreement.

[@mikeremski2102]

Story 1: $50 for 40 kids for 6 hours is about $0.21 per kid per hour. Can't even buy a cup of coffee at that rate.

[@toysruskid5074]

They probably made no plans to feed or entertain the kids either.

[@leighnisbett9691]

The babysitters won't even be fed by the bride's way of thinking .

[@Roedygr]

BELT : what was the underlying problem? 1. he forgot the belt was on his list and bought one for himself 2, he thought it cost $20. He felt gifts should cost $1000 3. he did not like the belt design. It was not masculine enough. 4. for some reason he thought the belt insulted him and was intended as an insult. 5. he intended the belt to be a aux gift ,not the main one. Before you divorce, find out why he did that. I think he is foolish to expect an iPhone, You would choose the wrong colour, features, contract. You buy iPhones for yourself.

[@Chris-qf5do]

All the issues with the belt could have been valid, but to hold onto it silently for 10 months and then give it back to her as her birthday gift is unreasonable.

[@floraposteschild4184]

Honestly, it would be easier and more productive to divorce than to figure all that sh*t out. She's his wife not his psychiatrist.

[@FlamesofJagger]

🎶 Am I the buuuuuttthhhoooolllleeee 🎶 that is one of my favorite things to hear now. Much love Mark 💘 ❤ 💗 💕 💛 💙 💘 Waffle 🧇 Gaaannnnggggg!!!

[@spacelady4935]

“I can’t even see the man through the red flags.” 🎯🎯🎯

[@allisonwinchester3108]

I may get flack but NTA for story 3.

[@SWeeks698]

The wife thinks everyone should feel miserable because she is.

[@Cell287]

I see it more as either a NAH or ESH. Both have valid arguments. No flack here mate.

[@81babyruthluv]

LOL I wonder what the city and/or state would think when they found out there was a daycare being run with two unprofessional babysitters out of a wedding venue. I think that would probably be illegal and against city codes.

[@kathypeebles7001]

It WASN’T a daycare. It was a wedding. The laws are not the same! Yes, irresponsible, but not illegal.

[@81babyruthluv]

@@kathypeebles7001 I suppose it would be up to the wedding venue owners ultimately. But I do believe there are laws and codes in place just to address this kind of situation, an least they do in New Mexico. The courts would probably interpret the situation as a daycare and apply the laws to that interpretation. They would not interpret it as "a wedding". It's one thing to have a babysitter at a wedding for maybe like 10 kids, but 40? No they could get into trouble for that. Do some research for your own state, though. It may be different where you live.

[@epicXtrollface]

Story 4: "Hey daughter! Sorry, but you can't go to this fun, important thing because _I_ have this fun, important thing, and that's why you have to babysit my child. Your sibling can't do my job since the child might have a meltdown. They'll still be weak from the surgery after all, so now it's up to you to deal with the stress of my responsibility. I can't find anyone else to take care of my problem, so you just have to make this "small sacrifice" and put your life on hold because I obviously won't do it." This parent is broken. I'm sure it isn't the first time that she puts the pressure of taking care of a high-needs child on one of her other children. I guess all the mirrors in the house are broken, because the mother doesn't seem to see herself as "another person" to take care of her child. Disgusting.

[@philfree7119]

Story 1. Looks like a good hill to die on!!! If she doesn't stand up to the new SIL, then she will never stop treating her badly.

[@sarahpeninger5490]

My sister is a step mom and has been involved since my niece was 1, even is called mama by niece. She would never insist that she get mother's day or any part of it (unless niece decided) because she is not her bio mom. That's just how it works.

[@jenswurm]

First story: OP shouldn't do it in any case. That ratio of supervising adults to children would even be considered neglectful or outright illegal in many countries. That ratio of adults to children is an accident waiting to happen. And guess who the angry parent of a hurt child will sue...

[@OmniscientlyMe]

1. At first I thought it was $50/kid for 6 hours, because 20ish cents per hour per kid is ridiculous. 3. Wife sounds like the kind of person where if they didn't get to have fun, no one else does or she'll punish them for it to make up for it. Take her to therapy or you'll be divorced in a few years. 4. Another parentification story. The bane of oldest siblings. 5. I wonder if the husband really put a belt on his birthday wish list...

[@saratronus]

Dude you don't leave your sick partner at home It was fine that OP went to the party but the state overwhelmed. And not even check in with his partner and she was okay. That's just an a** not to mention the spreading of disease. Just because he didn't have any symptoms doesn't mean he can't spread it. What the op did was irresponsible if you're sick or if someone at your house is sick don't Go to any parties. That's safe for everyone involved. And not to mention part of the job of being a boy for a girlfriend. A wife or a husband is taking care of your spouse when they're sick not dumping them on another relative. They could wanna leave their sick partner and not? Make. Sure? They're? OK. I would never imagine leaving my boyfriend sick No matter if it's a simple cold or covid. And not wanting your partner to leave. You alone isn't selfish when you're that sick.

[@saratronus]

And she's rightfully upset she asked him. Hey can you come home and hes like no I want to have fun here. That's such a low key hurtful thing To say to a partner. Not to mention overall I was just irresponsible.

[@indianspartan76]

Story 4: was Bindi informed that she was OP's only option? She's a teenager, legally still a child. You should have told her in advance or arranged otherwise. Edit: Massively YTA. In case it wasn't clear

[@madcatlady]

the last one, he needed to drop his trousers so she could use the belt on him 🤣

[@socialmoon]

Story 3: NTA. As an adult, OP's wife can suck up the disappointment of not getting to go to the party, & she can manage her headcold by herself. She is not a helpless toddler. I doubt OP would have been sober enough to drive, even after 2 hours, because that's not how alcohol works. MIL was on hand to take care of the kids, too, so all bases were covered. I genuinely can't stand people that depend on others for things they can do themselves.

[@songohan3321]

OP not being sober was my biggest concern. Alcohol has different effects on people. Depending on what OP was drinking, 2 hours is definitely not enough time. From what the story says, she was more mad that he didn't come home right away. Also, people do get the flu right now. How did the Redditors come to the conclusion that it was Covid-19? I guarantee you if the genders were reversed, would we even be here?

[@rowdysgirlalways]

Story 2: Since Kate didn't give birth to the kids, she's not their mother, and Kate and ex are doing a great job of making sure the kids go NC when they are old enough to choose for themselves.

[@TheMaggsnificent17]

Story 2: I feel like this could be my life. My oldest kid (now 17 almost 18) has been living with me full time for 1.5 years now because of this right here. It was actually a situation where I picked him up from school because he had virtual a therapy appointment and he didn’t want to do it at his Dad’s house that imploded his relationship with his dad and his step mom. His dad is working on rebuilding that relationship, but my kiddo refuses to do anything with his dad if his step mom will be there or is even remotely involved. The last year and a half have been incredibly difficult for my kiddo.

[@Tim85-y2q]

While it is weird to consider 21 and up "childfree", that really just "drinking age only" which is a not particularly uncommon cutoff for events, though not necessarily for weddings per se.

[@J2hawk]

I've got to say, child-free weddings typically make an exception for siblings. Because they're the immediate family and no one (except narcissists) get too bent out of shape because of it, because it's expected.

[@catherinerawson3559]

Tell Emily to pack sand and get her own dammed babysitters.

[@Threadnaught]

Story 1: "It almost felt like the rule specifically set to BAN OP from the wedding was targeted at OP." No shit, your observational and reasoning abilities are astounding Mark Einstein Sherlock the second. If OP's brother were the sister and Emily a man, you'd call out the red flags that point to Emily being an abuser. It's okay though, Nate's a man, he can take a few pans to the face or knives to the gut when he's completely separated from anyone who could prevent his wife from controlling his every interaction.

[@Charles-sd7xu]

Story 2: I have a step mom and she has never forced any of the stuff they are doing in the story. We celebrate Mother’s Day with my mom and celebrate it with her on another day. It’s really not that hard. I’m not close with any of my parents but asking for kids to consider a step parent a real parent is insane

[@jay2thaudy]

Story 3 reminds me of my cousins crazy ass ex gf. We would make plans and she'd agree and then like clockwork she'd start taking about how she didn't feel well the night before. Then on the day she'd say she was too sick and bail and spend the night calling my cousin to ask when he was coming home. It's a control tactic. I tried to make him understand, unfortunately he was in the fog, luckily he got out and is now married to a really cool chick.

[@JohnnyDominion]

@The Goose It was a head cold not a case of the pneumonia or a stomach virus. She is perfectly capable of resting by herself from that.

[@Alisha21210]

That's bc the person you were talking Abt was crazy. This is a married couple. Also I can relate to the story not JUST bc of myself. When I don't feel good, the only person I want near me is my partner not my mother, or anyone else. And for me a head cold is painful as hell... SO I have wanted my partner with me. My partner is the same way but actually waaay more clingy. We both know this and would never go to an event or anything to leave them alone. We're each other's teddy bears. Nothing wrong with that nor manipulative.

[@robertx8020]

@@JohnnyDominion right? If she can call him MULTIPLE TIMES and not because she needs a doctor or going to the hospital then I guess there is NO emergency!

[@Becks-and-books]

You forgot we’re in a pandemic?

[@ann-pud]

He was selfish to go to a party after being in contact with someone that has a cold. Just the sort we all want at our parties someone that can potentially make us sick.

[@Mewse1203]

Story 3: NAH I am having a hard time with this, but I can see all sides. MIL was there specifically to watch the kids. Since MIL watching the kids was the only reason she gave, I can't call OP an asshole. If she had other reasons, she should have been more clear. But I also wouldn't have gone with my wife sick so I can understand why she wouldn't have wanted him to go. For me this comes down to a communication issue communication issue she saw him getting ready to go and did not communicate that she didn't want him to so he left. However he should have come back when she called and asked him to.

[@CocoCece08]

He was already out of town. This is not OP'S problem that his baby of a wife can't handle a head cold.

[@TheNoobGreG]

I feel it's more NTA. Since it was just a head cold it's not like MIL (which would be wife's own mom) would have minded checking in on wife every once in a while to see if she needed anything. I agree that there was a communication issue, and if she didn't want him to go he should have said so, but let's not pretend that she didn't want him to go have fun because she couldn't. Wanting him to stay home so he could do things like get a glass of water, or make something to eat when she got hungry. It's unfair to him, especially when she's got her own mother there, who presumably would be more than happy to do that. I know I couldn't care less if it was my child, took care of them for at least 18 years solid. A few minutes grabbing a drink and something to eat, ain't anything. You said you wouldn't go if it was your wife, and that's a perfectly respectable stance to have. So since you've put yourself in their shoes. Let me put myself in the wife's shoes. I'm sick and don't want to go to my BIL's party. My wife wants to go see her sibling and celebrate with them, and I've got my mom here at the house. I'd be happy to let my wife go have some fun. My mom wouldn't mind in the slightest checking in on me, and I'm also the kind of person that would go and get my own food and drink. No matter how many times my mm told me she'd get it for me. I'm not gonna let some sinus pressure keep me from taking care of myself, or ruin my wife's fun. So in summary, I don't think the wife's an AH for what she did, but I definitely think she's in the wrong. I've been in a situation similar to the wife. I wanted to be the first to take an ex-girlfriend to a theme park she'd never been to, but a friend of hers invited her first. I was bummed that I didn't get to be the first one to do it, and my ex would occasionally bring up how me being bummed about it tarnished the experience for her, because I couldn't just be happy that she was going and gonna have a great time.

[@Splatoon_Kirby]

@@TheNoobGreG Thing is we don't really know what wife had, no one in the story is a doctor and no one can diagnose her. Husband could be spreading something without even knowing even if its something minor it is still shitty to spread about any kind of illness. I can understand wanting to go see them, but you can go and see people and talk without getting drunk. If you can't socialize without getting drunk that's an even bigger problem on OP's part.

[@Cell287]

Ding ding ding! Finally, I agree here.

[@Cell287]

@@Splatoon_Kirby and you forget they are both, say it with me now, Vaccinated! 🙃 it’s likely MIL is too as well as the party guests. I go to work sometimes with head colds. So let’s go with NAH and call it a day

[@CocoCece08]

Story 3 - NTA. It's a head cold, not COVID. Your wife needs to grow up. NOW. I had a massive backache on Good Friday, and my husband had to mow yards (side hustle). I didn't keep him home cause there's nothing to do for a backache aside from tylenol, sleep, and rest. Your wife survived. She should be grateful. Story 4 - YTA. A 17 year old CHILD cannot care for two other kids (one who also has autism). YOU are the parent! YOU are the only one who should make sacrifices.

[@savageinkstudios2969]

Story 2: kate isnt their mom. The father needs to stop pushing it. My dad married my stepmom when i was 3 and she was never ever a mother to me. It was a first name basis, but never mom. Op does not need to share "being a mother" because kate is not a mother. Story3: NTA what did she want you to do, sit there and watch her sleep all night? Story 5 ESH, gifts are not something youre entitled to at all, i honestly cant rmemeber the last time i got a birthday gift from anyone at all and im not in any way upset or resentful of that.

[@Allenluvable]

I am in my twenties, one of the oldest in my generation without being one of the "parents" and when I am at family reunions and functions, it always ends up falling on me to look after all the younger family. Nobody forces me to do this, (I think the younger ones just gravitate towards me because I am now the "cool, older, cousin",) so I'm not upset about it, but there have been a few occasions where family members were upset with something I did. My response was basically, "I'm more or less watching your kids for free, for days on end. If you have a problem, you watch them."

[@kixi8033]

1. NTA. It sounds to me like this is a ploy from Emily to keep the OP from attending the wedding. 2. NTA. It sounds like the kids don't like Kate very much. And it's pretty unreasonable to expect the OP to give up half a day meant for her over a step-mom. The OP is the one who either squeezed them out or got cut in half to deliver them, not Kate. It's also not the OP's job to make sure the kids bond with Kate. If the kids haven't bonded with her and don't like her, then that's on the dad and Kate and what they did or didn't do. 3. NTA. If the wife wanted him to stay home, she should have said so. She doesn't get to be mad at him for going out to the party. And, she also didn't really have a valid reason for wanting him to come back home. She just stated that she felt bad that their MIL was watching their son by herself, which makes no sense because the MIL would have been alone with the tot still if the wife had not gotten sick. I feel like the wife was hoping he would just stay home on his own without her asking him to and is mad because he didn't. 4. YTA. Trip was planned in advance and you somehow couldn't find someone else to babysit? Doubtful. 5. NTA. That is a shitty "gift". I would also think very deeply if I wanted to stay in that relationship or not after what he said too.

[@unicorn12345]

One of the complaining family should volunteer to watch the kids for free if they’re so concerned.

[@davidsantiagotate7380]

Story 2: while it is possible for a step mom to take over for a bio mom, that is definitely not the case here. The kids themselves decided who their mom was on multiple occasions, but what speaks volumes is who the little girl went to for comfort and safety when she was vulnerable.

[@CrimHawkins]

Very few of these stories leave me speechless, but that last story. Wow.