r/AITAFiltered | Like r/AITA but ACTUALLY GOOD [3]

[@Cuestar]

should've said this in the commentary for the last post. Holding the baby is not something that should be forced on someone. Saying a baby's cute is an entirely different story tho

[@Hannah-gd3kc]

"They're...breathtaking"

[@fantasystaplesuwu1554]

Yeah, I could also call a trash can cute, but it would be a clear lie and I'm seriously not cool with lying just to make people feel better.

[@sunbowrainflower]

It's very strange to force something like this because who exactly is the compliment for? Couldn't possibly be for the actual baby. The parents are acting like narcissists, honestly. "We made a baby and need validation that the baby is visually pleasing to look at." Even if that's the literal cutest baby on earth, no one should be forced to say that. Goofy af

[@Hannah-gd3kc]

No way, OP is the weirdo. They know Reddit is very anti child and figured their ridiculous refusal to call a little baby cute would fly there. It's such a dumb hill to die on. It's not noble. It's stupid

[@AnastasiaPlantlegs]

@@Hannah-gd3kc I disagree because of the way the parents were trying to get her to hold this child. "Your brother gets really sad when you don't do A and B..." is emotionally manipulative language, and yea, she could have just called the baby cute, but she gave very clear and good reasons on why she shouldn't have to hold the child. It sounds like she has sensory issues too, regarding the harsh noises. Reddit really isn't that anti baby from what I've seen... there's plenty of very active redditors who are also parents.

[@mindmaster323]

I'm going with NTA on the drinking story. She made it clear there would be alcohol and it was the parents job to watch their kids. The aunt had explicit warning what would be going on and still chose to bring her 14 year old. Sure, OP is irresponsible for letting the kid do a shot no questions asked, but if the kid had already been drinking and the mom didn't do anything to stop it before that she couldn't have known that was the line.

[@clairebear-96]

Yeah I agree - the kids aren’t OPs responsibility, she was definitely irresponsible in general, but it’s not up to her to keep someone else’s kids from drinking, and it was mom’s decision to bring her 14 year old anyway 🤷🏻‍♀️

[@blib4328]

Right? Also, if the aunt was already badmouthing her to others before the shot because of the drinking she could have pulled her child aside and talked to her and made it clear there would be no drinking for her, no matter what the cousins do.

[@RRW359]

Also there's no legal age in her country. How was the host supposed to know what legal activities the kids weren't supposed to do unless told beforehand? I would even argue that knowing there is something some people have a problem with and specifically being told not to bring kids but bringing one anyways is its self consenting that the kid can do that activity.

[@pinkiichi]

Thank God I'm not alone in this!! I agree big time. It's such an entitled thing to bring your kid to a party where alchohol was I'm easy reach of kids, bring your kid, and then expect the host to make sure your kid isn't drinking. Especially when you haven't told them beforehand that you don't want your kid drinking.

[@Fenryk]

Yeah, pretty clear here that OP was NTA, but Cue likes to play Devil's Advocate. He had bad takes on all three of these, IMO.

[@pahvi3]

On one hand I agree that saying that a baby is cute is not a hard lie to tell. But honestly a family that obsesses over this and tells someone what to say, and makes this into a big deal sounds ridiculous, and I'm not one bit surprised that the op also described their family as manipulative. It's one thing to have societal expectation that this is a normal thing to say, but it's another thing entirely to mandate it and make it into a big deal.

[@pahvi3]

And I can totally see why op has this instinct and these sort of strict rules about how to draw their boundaries. Maybe those rules failed a little in this particular occasion, but I understand the need to be strict about boundaries and as ridiculous as that may sound, it's just necessary to be consistent with boundaries with manipulative people. I think in this particular occasion though it would be helpful to learn to slip a white lie every here and there to escape these kind of situations. Manipulative people are not entitled to the truth in all situations, especially personal ones.

[@endieisded]

I mean I would just say it to get them off my backs a little.

[@mask938]

@@pahvi3 OP shouldn't have to lie at all to appease these drama queens. One thing you should never do when interacting with a manipulative person is to cave and give them what they want. That'll just encourage them to push you more to see what they can get away with.

[@pahvi3]

@@mask938 Yes, that's exactly the dynamic I was trying to depict above.

[@pahvi3]

@@mask938 But it's also not the only strategy one has to use with narcissists. Here we can see an example of that: whatever you do, it's always a bad option. OP was truthful, so they got punished for it by disrespecting their boundaries. But had they lied, then they would have compromised their boundaries also, so there are only bad options. Having strict boundaries is a good option as a rule. All I'm saying is that there are some corner cases where we can avoid a bigger punishment if we lie in a non-significant situation. But it's not anyone else's choice to make but the person in that situation.

[@CrochetWhimsy413]

Baby story: If OP's an AH, then ESH, not just her. Regardless of how a-holish her answer was, her brother and SIL should have accepted it and moved the f*** on. Also, the way they reacted to OP explicitly saying the baby wasn't cute shows that _they weren't listening to her before._ The words "I don't find babies cute, but I'm sure yours is" CLEARLY mean that OP didn't find the baby cute. If the parents were so upset by her directly stating that the baby wasn't cute, they should have been just as upset with the way she responded before that. They were ignoring her very clear communication, and that's a-holish, too.

[@Yipyipyay]

Yeah she pretty clearly said she didn't find the baby cute. It sounds like they're just b*tching because they didn't get the answer they wanted and they aren't going to. Plus sensory overload. Being asked to say something I don't mean causes me extreme anxiety. I don't think op is the AH, and I think everyone who thinks she's the AH is an AH.

[@AnastasiaPlantlegs]

I agreed, especially the fact that they were trying to get her to physically interact with the child bothered me because she specifically told them why that would be dangerous for both the child and for her. This story rubbed me the wrong way because my family does similar things to try to get me to say what they want me to say, and it isn't as subtle as they think it is.

[@sleepyninjarin7971]

the baby was her family and a person though, I find babies gross, but the baby was family, not just a gross blob creature

[@Nerobyrne]

yeah really sounds like they don't care at all about OPs feelings in any way.

[@deerkota]

this is exactly what I was thinking. like the only reason op likely got a "yta" verdict is directly related to the fact that she told them her opinion outright after being asked again and again and again and again. it'd be a very different story if she outright said what she told her parents without being pestered about it, but that's clearly not what happened.

[@ayiniseasilyamused9215]

as a parent myself, i dont think i'd force my sister who has severe pain if she hears babies crying, to hold my child, first things first. and "asking" (forcing) someone to compliment your child when they repeatedly dodged to do so in the nicest way possible is just asking for trouble. hope OP wasn't being an unreliable narrator here but i'm sad if this is her actual situation bc it sounds like no one actually cared to ask why she's skittish and generally uninterested around babies.

[@thatradfailure5197]

Yeah, honestly, I do not see the last OP as the problem. I am childless and not a fan of them. I do not find babies cute, and I'm sorry, but I will not lie to say so. If you have a problem, well, then, I'm sorry, but you asked me. It's not my fault that you don't like my truthful answer. What I especially dislike about OP's edit is that... Reddit forced OP into thinking they're in the wrong, when, in fact, they have better reasons to NOT call the baby cute, and to especially not hold the baby (seriously, if someone is worried they'll hurt the baby, do not put that fragile life into that potentially dangerous situation). I think Reddit got it so wrong with that one, OP shouldn't be forced into anything, societal norms and common courtesy be darned

[@wau-l9]

@@thatradfailure5197 I agree completely with your comment as a fellow person who dislikes babies. Not only did the parents try to manipulate slash goad the OP into saying a little white lie to appease their brother after they had been sending pretty clear signals that they weren't comfortable doing so (which is far more than the lengths I would go to), but the OP even said that they experience pain when they hear babies crying. That is something I can completely relate to as a person with a mild autism diagnosis who has to wear earmuffs or something similar when outside or, relevantly, when listening to babies cry, because the noise irritates me and makes it hard to think. It's completely ridiculous that the majority of people would brand this person as the asshole, and I feel like this is another point where society has just completely dropped the ball on understanding neuroatypical people and the human diversity of opinions.

[@NBDYSPCL]

It's infuriating that people think that when they have a kid everything has to revolve around them. *Nobody cares*

[@MokohiChan]

For me, calling the baby cute is whatever. If she wants to hold her ground on that, it sounds like a lot of unnecessary drama she could resolve with a harmless platitude, whether it's worth it is up to her. Holding the baby though sounds like it's actually dangerous and she should 100% hold her ground on that. Seriously, if the mysophonia is so bad she could drop the baby, that's a serious issue and should be respected for both her sake and the safety of the baby. The brother and parents are way outta line on that one

[@kaskus7147]

In the second one OP specifically said that she did not give the cousin the shot. If you are a parent and you don't want your kid to drink at an event then it is your job to make sure that they don't, not everyone else's. It is that simple. Be a parent or don't.

[@atinyevil1383]

Story 3: NTA so my dad had a policy when I was a baby and still uses to this day when babies are involved is that when someone doesn’t like babies, you don’t make them hold a baby. If there’s an issue, they won’t know what to do. Also, as someone like the OP where I won’t like to you if you ask my opinion and I don’t like things. OP doesn’t have to think babies are cute. I think the best way to resolve this is for OP just to say “I don’t like babies, I don’t think they’re cute. While I don’t have anything against your baby personally, I don’t find them cute because they are a baby.” OP shouldn’t have to say anything else, it’s their opinion. NTA

[@jesstarriero4740]

It's the aunt's fault, because if the invitation said that then she should have told her nicely instead of in a bitchy way. the third one, I don't like kids and don't like to hold any baby. I'm also not comfortable with it.

[@lavennia]

As a 27F myself, I can totally get where that baby lady is coming from. There's more to it than just complimenting a baby. Once you say they're cute, you get the "when are you having children?" spiel, or some variation of it, and it just spirals from there. There's so much pressure to have kids, especially as we approach 30, it's insane, so I understand that stubbornness. But at the same time, either way, you're gonna get that nagging from people whenever you're around someone who has a baby. idk it's a tough situation, but I really don't think shes too much of an AH

[@ThisAlphaWolf]

I don't think that there has to be more to it than just saying a baby is cute, in all honesty. It's a generally a good peacekeeping exercise for people, especially family, to just do others a courtesy for their sakes but that is where it should end if you don't want it going any further. I'm not suggesting that a person go from giving them a 'Yeah that baby is kind of cute' to 'WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!' if the other questions start. I would suggest something like, 'Yeah, the baby is kind of cute, but I'm going to have to stick to admiring this baby since I've chosen not to have children.' If there are any more questions, there is room for a more blunt response before the situation breaks down any further. When asked why you don't want to have children or having been told that you'll change your mind someday, it would be effective at getting the point across to say something to the effect of, 'I've already thought a lot about it and this is the choice that I've made. I have personal reasons that I don't feel like sharing, in regards to my decision.' It isn't exactly an AHole move but it is strong enough to send the message not to ask anymore questions. If you preemptively address the questions that you know are likely to come and then follow up with a comment that sends the message that they're invading your privacy, most people will get it and back off. I say most, because it won't always work with everyone. There are always those that are so not socially aware, that enjoy prodding people to see if they can provoke a reaction or those that desperately cling to hope that you will change your mind if only they ask you enough times. The first are typically older folks, who don't generally mean anything by it but it can get annoying as all get out. No use in trying to explain to this group, they will probably still think that they're right long after the conversation is done. Simply excuse yourself, if you can. The second group warrants a little shade, perhaps consider prying into something that relates to them in order to get the point across and then excuse yourself with a side eye to further drive it home. The latter are typically female family members, but if you look at in the way that it's actually a bit of a compliment, meaning that they love you enough to hold onto hope that you'll bring them a mini version of yourself someday. You can always be a bit softer when responding to them, unless it just gets to that point when you need to not be for your own mental health, but in the interest of preserving the feelings of everyone involved, it's best to try whatever mindful/tactful, yet firm approach that you can muster first and if that doesn't work, find a new, more creative, equally firm way to get your point across. When all else has repeatedly failed to turn the lightbulb on for them, that you aren't having children ever, then it might be prudent to head them off at the pass so to speak. A playful sounding 'Don't even start mom/grandma/etc' directly after complimenting the baby might do the trick. All of that said, some people will only remember you being 'rude' to them over it and still fail to understand that they're stepping over a line with personal questions. However, it might be best in any situation to just remember that even when people want to pry into private matters in public places, they aren't typically trying to call you out on your choice. They're mainly just hopelessly hopeful, if that makes any sense. Pat them on the head in a way that doesn't cause any avoidable issue and move on, still satisfied with your choice. Of course, this is just my advice on it. Take it or leave it. It is the internet, after all.

[@meddlinmegs]

@@ThisAlphaWolf If her family didn’t have a history of manipulating her, I might agree sometimes you just say shit to keep the peace. But given that background, I’d say OP isn’t the problem when it comes to peace in the family. She shouldn’t have to give in to her family’s manipulation (yet again) to “keep the peace.”

[@ThisAlphaWolf]

@@meddlinmegs I was talking more in general, not so much in this case in particular. I don't think I have enough information to make a call with this specific case, to be honest. Keeping the peace is generally in everyone's best interests, but as I said, it isn't always possible nor should it be one sided. As I said before, my comment was just my own .2¢. I won't be upset if anyone disagrees or chooses not to pay any attention to it, as it was just aimed at being potentially helpful to anyone that might read it and take into consideration any element of what I had said. I've been in this position regarding other issues that people tend to get pushy or nosy over and was just applying what I have learned through life experience to my comment. Of course, everyone's individual situation is going to have variable differences. Which was the reason that it was just based on generality. I'm of the opinion that I can't control what other people do but that I can and should control what I do and how I let people manipulate me, by how I react to what they say or do. If I don't allow them to cause me to react in a way that would give away my self control, then I can use my self control in a way that would not only maintain peace but also get a point across in a manner that isn't left open to interpretation. By using my own confidence in my choices as the means with which to convey the finality of those choices without leaving it open to debate. That's all I was saying, really.

[@santsipahicentralfloridanews]

25 m dad here: I wouldnt care if my sister were on that trip. She does seem like a baby hater tho

[@vuivraalbastra]

@@ThisAlphaWolf Your advice only works with sensible, respectful people or at least people who would be ashamed to be perceived as rude, which isn't usually the case when it comes to close enough family. A lot of people would still continue with "why still stick to the decision of not having kids if you find this baby cute, your baby will be cute as well" or "oh I will start talking about it anyway because you need some sense talked into you" and other nonsensical questions and answers. Their goal isn't to understand or respect your boundaries but to get what they want from you - in this case, the family probably wants OP to have kids and they don't care about the reasons behind her decision.

[@billiegrimm-stone3866]

I disagree with the baby thing and I say that as both a mother and someone who thinks babies are adorable (as most do because we're programmed to) because yes it IS stupid. And I think the parents are being ridiculous to not accept that ONE person just doesn't like babies. Why should anyone have to pretend just to spare their discomfort? EVERYONE else has said the baby is cute but that doesn't make them happy? They're just so bummed that their kid isn't universally accepted as the ultimate in cute? Like I said I love babies and I'd bet money the baby IS cute but the parents need to get over themselves

[@Yipyipyay]

This comment is really well written. If a mother doesnt think op is being an ass I don't understand why everyone else does

[@pinkiichi]

Agree!! My mother who is OBSESSED with babies agrees that ops parents are ridiculous.

[@MeCooper]

I very much dislike children and babies _(parenting and kids just aren't my bag)_ but I think he was being an ass. If somebody is showing you something that they created and are very proud of, Only an ass would crap on the person's joy like that. I don't have a maternal bone in my body, So I treat friends kids the same way I'd treat their art, music or whatever... *With respect to their feelings.*

[@JaseekaRawr]

@@MeCooper Thank you, lol. I am a first time mother(he's almost 5 months) & I feel the same. How hard is it to say the baby's cute? 😂 I like your comparison to art/creation as well! I feel it's a very weird thing to "put your foot down" about. Like, it's such a small thing to have to do, ya know? Makes me wonder, honestly, does this person have any *real* problems, to be making this an issue? lmao

[@mask938]

@@JaseekaRawr Why do you need every single person to tell you your baby is cute?

[@corbinbrier0]

As someone who find babies adorable and loves them I would never force someone who isn't a fan/childless/etc to compliment or hold a child or even interact with one if they don't want to. Stop forcing people into a corner and then getting pissy when they defend themselves. Harassing someone continously and getting a snarky reply should be a possibility you should expect. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[@roxassora2706]

Same.

[@AleTitan]

Specially the part where she said she fears dropping her and they STILL insisted. Was odd

[@cw2010]

I’m autistic and when I was younger I felt very similarly about babies, especially the screaming part as that always caused me to get overstimulated and shut down. Forcing someone to hold a child is irresponsible.

[@lilcheezebag1708]

I've learned that every ATIA contains at least a little bit of exaggeration to make the poster not seem as bad. This doesn't mean that everyone is purposely trying to not make themselves the asshole, but it just means that no one one should be taken entirely at face value

[@HobieInTheBox]

Story 2: I don't agree, as OP stated twice, it was her aunts decision to bring her daughter to the wedding even tho the invitation stated that it wasn't a child friendly wedding. On top of that, the aunt could've banned her daughter to drink alcohol at the wedding itself. I can agree that maybe OP was a bit too aloof, but she right, it's not her responsibility at the end of the day. Story 3: maybe unpopular opinion, but I think OP should stand her ground. I get where she's coming from, when your family has always been manipulative and gets their ways, it's also important to stand your ground even in silly situations like these. Bc the family will think they can get away with behaviour like this all the time. And especially bc this is so silly, they should respect her boundaries. Not everyone thinks the same, they shouldn't force her to do so. She's had to explain herself 1000 times and it shouldn't come to that.

[@WiloKun]

The drinking cousin one. NTA. OP clearly stated that there's no drinking age in their country, so like it or not giving the cousin a shot wasn't illegal. OP also said that her cousin had been drinking before the shot. So she's right; if the aunt hadn't been okay with her daughter drinking then THAT would have been the time for the aunt to step in and tell her daughter "no". To suddenly get mad that her daughter is having a shot as part of a group makes absolutely no logical sense.

[@doom3166]

Exacly, and it is a safe enviroment so I really don't understand cue now. I guess cultural differences because he is an american?

[@WiloKun]

@@doom3166 Oh, good point on the safe environment too! Where better for the cousin to drink than with immediate family and trusted friends? (Also FYI I'm American too so being American is not an excuse for ignoring other cultures.)

[@wolfetteplays8894]

Whoever decided the drinking age should be 21 needs to be shot

[@Amayawolf_01]

OP also mentioned that she did not actually give the cousin a shot herself

[@Amayawolf_01]

@@wolfetteplays8894 I agree that 21 is a bit high, but at the same time I kind of understand it since your brain is still developing until about 25. Most other countries have the legal drinking age at 18, which would be fine since you're considered an adult and can do basically everything else at that point.

[@SpookiCooki]

About the "cute baby" story: I think the brother is the ahole and kind of the parents too. It's not okey to pressure someone to say it's cute when they really don't think so. It's like the classic "do I look fat in this dress?" Where there is no right answer. If you say no: you are a liar. If you say yes: you are an ahole. "Isn't she cute?" Is the same kind of question and she shouldn't be expected to lie if she's not comfortable with that. I don't think babies are cute either. They look like a mix between potatoes and old men, so I never comment on a baby's appearance. The brother should just take the hint and drop it. He can't expect anyone else but him and the baby's mother to adore his child. However she can still love the kid. Especially when she's older, can talk and shows more personality. Babies are more like food and poop-machines.

[@kimberlyterasaki4843]

I disagree. It doesn't hurt anyone to lie and say a baby is cute. Babies are red and mushy. That doesn't mean you have to be a jerk and say, "I think all babies are ugly, therefore your baby is ugly." Holding the baby is a different issue.

[@thatradfailure5197]

@@kimberlyterasaki4843 OP didn't say that, though. Instead, she tried to say it in the nicest terms. At that point, drop it. It's so freaking simple. OP wasn't calling the baby ugly, just saying that she doesn't find babies cute, yet that she's sure her brother's is anyway to other people. That's not calling the kid ugly

[@audreym3908]

@@thatradfailure5197 I think another way to say "they look a lot like you or your SO" and you think the parent is cute in a way and the person knows they're cute or their partner is. So that can also be an option if you don't want to come off as rude (only if this is a coworker's baby or your boss or someone you don't want to insult in any form).

[@thatradfailure5197]

@@audreym3908 Sure, that is another way to do it, but honestly I cannot see parents in their babies, so maybe OP can't either. Babies pretty much all look the exact same to me, minus their noses, and the color of their eyes, hair, and skin

[@essiekat8532]

@@thatradfailure5197 reminds me of a story I read a while ago, where the mother of the baby knew that her husband wasn't the real father, but everyone kept seeing features of the wrong father in the baby... Babies are potatoes, and all features that "look like the child's parents" are just in their heads xD I was so happy when I finally got confirmation that babies don't actually look like their parents xD That said, I totally agree with many other people here that the family members are the a-holes, her first replies should have sufficed, they pushed her to be "rude". She has no obligation to be obsessed with the baby and the family comes off as super confrontational. They literally don't need her to say the baby is cute, or hold the baby. She has the right to not care about babies or even hate them. She seemed polite enough about it. The family is the one pushing and insisting.

[@ashl2115]

I think I would go with ESH for the wedding drinking situation. OP was clear about the type of party, so the parent should have parented instead of projecting that duty onto everyone else. And OP shouldn't have done a shot with a 14 year old, even though in the moment I can understand why it happened. (The parts I understand being: her youth and enjoying the day, the other cousins having permission, all the cousins coming to her with a drink ready to go, knowing that the cousins all have drank before, seeing the 14 year old already drinking & assuming they had the ok and coming from a culture/place with no legal drinking limit.)

[@agatazietek9098]

Right I can't imagine drinking with a 14 year old even though I'm not strict on drinking at all

[@saratronus]

@@agatazietek9098 Yeah I'm 21 and I literally can't imagine imagine drinking with a 14 year old It just feels so wrong and inappropriate.

[@saratronus]

If OP wanted to have a crazy party then she should have made it child/teen free

[@ashl2115]

​@@saratronus ...um, they did make it a childfree wedding. With teens allowed at the discretion of their parents. While fully disclosing it was a party style wedding reception. OP did their due diligence in forewarning, they messed up on the day but ultimately the parents still need to set the boundaries and actually parent. Hence EHS.

[@saratronus]

@@ashl2115 Are you that idiotic that you think it's OK for a 14 year old to be Drinking alcohol Cause last time I checked being invited to a wedding doesn't automatically mean you get to drink alcohol. Use your common sense for once in your life 14 year olds shouldn't be drinking alcohol no matter if they're at a wedding or not. And the adults in this situation needed to be adults and stop encouraging her to do something harmful To her body. Smh It is exactly why O petition never invited children to her party

[@ireneschanelhandbag]

personally i dont think the last op was the a-hole. it may not seem like a big deal to some people to compliment a baby but for others it really is uncomfortable and being pressured to give an answer just to make someone happy can be really emotionally taxing. a lot of the time when you compliment the baby you get a whole bunch of "do you want to hold her?" "do you want to have kids?" "i bet you'd have cute babies too." and that can make people uncomfortable and be very draining. the op tried her best to be nice about it and to not cause any conflict but kept being pressured. if you as a parent have to force someone to compliment your baby maybe take the hint and stop making the other person uncomfortable. im sure you have loads of people complimenting your baby already, one person not saying you have a cute baby is not the end of the world

[@Mathilde_Bruhn]

I don't think OP in the baby story was being an asshole; from where I see it, it seems like OP's parents are in that mindset of "Well, you'll want kids eventually" and they're using the baby thing as a way to bait her into "admitting" that she does want a baby herself. hence the insistence on having her hold the baby. I don't doubt that if OP gave an inch in this situation, by saying the baby is cute, then her parents would take it as a "sign", like "Oh, she thinks the baby is cute! Her motherly instincts are awakening! it's only a matter of time before she'll want one now!", leading to them continuing to push OP in the future

[@Yipyipyay]

Another well written comment This is what manipulation is, and if Ops parents didn't have a history of manipulation then sure, op would be the AH. If you give in and do even the tiniest thing that manipulative people want you to do it just gets worse and worse.

[@meilee8554]

Exactly. I personally don't want kids and because I'm not mentally healthy enough to take care of another human. I have severe depression and manic bipolar episodes where I act very impulsively, dangerously and erratic, if I had a kid and one of those manic episodes resulted in a suicide or and attempt at suicide I don't think that's at all a healthy household for a child (or anyone really) to live in. nor is it safe and yet my friends/coworkers still try to pressure me into having children because they want children and apparently that means everyone else should too. Which is precisely why I am going to sterilize myself because even if I do change my mind and get stable enough to raise children, I will not push any risk of passing on my own mental disorders onto another person.

[@cansto214]

Exactly!!! I had experienced this sort of treatment from my own family since I was a teenager and it always infuriated me. So, after a while, I just stuck with telling them, basically: "all babies are gross and I can't stand them", and eventually, that got them to shut up. I'm now nearly 45 and very pleased with my choice to be child-free...no matter how much it dismays my family. Some women are just NOT meant to be mothers I think that's something that needs to be accepted and treated as normal.

[@elizaalmabuena]

It is not a common curtesy to tell someone 'your baby is so cute, let me hold it and coo at it'. It, however, is common curtesy for one not to shove their baby at a person and grind them about how they must claim it is a cute baby, hold it, ask/beg to hold it, etc.

[@WanhanAjanMansikka]

Exactly! Child free people are really made out to be the assholes. Yes we hate kids. No it’s not your problem unless you choose to take it personally.

[@rotexor]

Yeah I think it is hugely bizarre that op was called the asshole on that one.

[@maxendermen]

Children suck And teens And adults And old people It's just that... everyone sucks

[@radhiadeedou8286]

Y'all are sick, not wanting to be a parent is fine but hating them? are you fucking kidding? it's her brother's kid, what does it cost to say she's cute, will it burn her tongue

[@elizaalmabuena]

@@radhiadeedou8286 BROTHER'S kid, not op's, not mine, not from any of the other people that answered to my first comment. I do not have to complement anyone, doesn't matter that doing so won't harm me, I'M NOT OBLIGATED TO DO SO. Forcing someone to do so is RUDE, hounding them about not doing so is MANIPULATION AND HARASSMENT. You find it well and fine to hound someone about whether or not it will harm them such as by 'burning their tongue'? ok, will you die if someone doesn't call a baby cute?..... OBVIOUSLY NOT, so there is absolutely no reason why anyone that doesn't want to say it to be forced to. If you are in desperate need to have people around you coo at a baby then just go elsewhere and find people that do, no reason to harass people that aren't keen on babies or kids about it. Edit P.S.: hate doesn't mean going on a murder rampage or going about hurting kids, ok. Get over it, people can hate kids. Get your knickers in a bunch if it is the parents themselves that hate kids, not people that were aware that they just wouldn't be able to put up with kids so they decided to not be parents to begin with.

[@dolst]

Dad of a two-year-old here. When my son was born, so many people told me how cute he was. Not like I need much validation on that front. I definitely would not want somebody who admits they're afraid of holding and/or dropping my baby to then hold him. And if they don't think he's cute, well maybe that's weird but I think it would be weirder to try to insist on them saying he is, especially if they are someone who does not like babies. I honestly think she's not the AH and that her family is being emotionally manipulative. If it were my sister, I'd just be like, "Hey that's cool." Surf Wisely.

[@sickntired4398]

About the baby story, from the way she describes the situation it seems like she may be on the autism spectrum. She sees no point in lying, in fact it makes her uncomfortable, and she doesn't see the point in silly social rules. Another thing is the baby crying thing, she says it literally hurts her ears, to the point where she's genuinely concerned she'd drop the baby if it started crying. I'm no doctor, but my sister is on the spectrum, as well as a close friend of mine. And (from the limited information I have) I feel like the situation would be resolved if they had a transparent conversation where both parties would be open minded to understanding the others side.

[@SM-yz4hi]

It seems like she _has_ tried to have a conversation about it and gently assert her boundaries but I think her family is just selfish unfortunately

[@carissasherman8553]

So the baby story I'm biased because I also hate being around babies and kids, but I also consider myself an asshole in that way. I've said to people that know me that I don't like kids and that I don't fawn over them, so I don't think people in my life expect me to, but I think if I were put in the situation OP was in, I'd have just said the baby was cute to get it over with. I wouldn't hold a baby though, similarly to OP I get sensory overload a lot when kids scream or cry, and me holding a baby wouldn't be enjoyable for either of us. I think it's stupid to want someone to hold your kid when they themselves don't like kids and don't want to.

[@Cman04092]

Thats totally fair. Hell, I think parents are the assholes for not understanding this and trying to force their children onto people. Not every single person has to fawn over your crotch groblins. Like, congrats, you banged. Plenty of people bang with protection instead and don't have kids, do we get a medal too?

[@Nerobyrne]

OP: "I don't like babies." Friend: "What do you think of my baby?" OP: "Is it a baby?" Friend: "Yes...." OP: "Take a fkn guess"

[@benschiemer]

Maybe it’s just because underage drinking is huge in Australia, but I don’t see a huge problem with the poster’s actions at the wedding. It would have been wiser to say “maybe speak to your mum first” but i dont think it’s a huge deal

[@kimberlyterasaki4843]

The problem is that she tries to defend herself by saying that it's good that the girl has authority figures she can trust to not freak out about alcohol usage, while actively creating a situation that caused an adult to freak out. It would have been fine if OP had said to the cousin that "I know your mom doesn't want you drinking but if you find yourself in a situation where you need an adult but can't call your mom because you've been drinking, your cousins and I will be here for you." OP is making underage drinking into a fun, rebellious, social activity, while not acknowledging that it is a harmful drug that can literally alter brain chemistry in developing brains.

[@beefykeith48]

i'm Australian teenager and i think OP is a fucking nightmare but go off ig.

[@dstroyer7793]

I agree, where I live drinking age is 18 but most teens start at 14-16, I dont drink because at that age and even now I am on a medication that does not go well with alchohol (and I think it tastes bad as well) I mean the mom was right there, she just needed to keep an eye on her daugther plus the fact that all guest where told what kind of party it was going to be. I did not go to parties much but if I did I would just not drink and tried to have fun on my own way, yeah teens are dumb but teens are mature enough to know what happens; maybe I am biased because of the fact that drinking was going to affect me way more for my medication and that to this day I dont like the taste but I really dont see the big deal. Its not like she was offering her drink after drink, it was just a shot and she could have declined or the mom could have intervined.

[@AsherBunnyman]

Nobody got hurt or died, and it was in an environment with many more responsible adults. And it was one shot. Having stated ahead of time that it wasn't a minor appropriate gathering, and having seen her drinking earlier on, it was 100% not OPs responsibility to make sure this shot was okay. I feel like if I had a minor teenager, and there was freely available alcohol, I would just keep my kid close if I wanted to make sure they stayed out of it.

[@benschiemer]

I mean, it was only one shot, and OP stated there was no legal drinking age in her country. So she wasn’t even doing anything illegal. I don’t think there should be any blame on her, even if she could have just made sure it was okay with the Aunt or something

[@HumanityLies]

I disagree, when you give into family like that they never fucking let it go. You give them an inch and they take a mile. It wouldn't have had to happen if the family listened to them beforehand and actually took OPs thoughts and feelings into consideration

[@rogu3245]

Personally, I have a friend who has always let be known she hates kids. If she don’t wanna hold my baby, I ain’t gonna be mad at her because I am fully aware she just doesn’t like kids.

[@TheTrueDiablix]

1st story is 100% ESH They're both acting super toxic and if either of them thinks their actions can be justified, they should seriously consider therapy. 2nd NTA The invite was clear, if they didn't want their kid in that environment they could've left the kid home with a babysitter or something. 3rd NTA If a person makes it clear they don't like babies, then trying to pressure them to be around and hold your baby and coo over it is not particularly reasonable. OP was doing the right thing by trying to avoid the topic after having explained it and would only be encouraging manipulative behavior by toeing the line. They would do actual, tangible harm by playing along with the cooing at this point.

[@Melonist]

ESH?

[@TheTrueDiablix]

@@Melonist ESH is the tag from the subreddit. Means "Everyone Sucks Here"

[@ProxiProtogen]

I disagree with the NTA, letting a 14 year old drink is weird as fuck

[@saratronus]

@@ProxiProtogen Oh thank God with everyone encouraging this and saying OP is not the ass I thought I was going crazy. Like this is a full grown adult encouraging 14 year olds to drink liquor I would have left the party if I was the aunt. There's trying to make people feel comfortable and then there's just letting them go crazy

[@ProxiProtogen]

@@saratronus it would be one thing if it was a 16 year old or something. But a 14 year old!? That's odd ball behavior

[@dominicmanester8125]

Letting a 14 year old have 1 shot at an event with the adults when they ask to take part is totally fine. If they had been drinking before or after that, it is up to the parents to make sure they don't do that.

[@Fireprincess161]

I feel like the whole forcing someone to call a baby cute might be a trap. Once she says 'yeah, it's cute' the next step the parents will have is 'oh, so you like babies now?' and then 'well you really should have a baby, you even think they're cute!'

[@Dank-Hill]

Yeah, as a woman who doesn’t want a baby, that kind of situation seems highly uncomfortable.

[@VeeVeeLa]

For the baby story: In my opinion, OP was very clear in the beginning that she personally did not find babies cute. Her response in the end is only because of constant pushing from everyone else. Lying and saying the baby is cute just to keep the parents from getting mad isn't hard to do, no, nor is it a huge issue really. However, sometimes upholding certain societal standards makes you an AH. Pushing someone to do something that they don't want to makes you an AH. Participating in peer pressure makes you an AH. Everyone apart of OP's story were doing these things and that makes them AHs. Maybe the parents really were proud of their baby and think that its cute, but they need to get over themselves if they think that everyone needs to bend over and kiss their baby's foot.

[@sunbowrainflower]

The baby story is just ridiculous on the family's part. Pick your battles?? No is a complete sentence. Why should anyone be forced to be around AND compliment a baby when they don't want to? At least the OP attempted to sugar coat the truth at first. To be asked multiple times to call the baby cute is the vainest crap I've ever heard. It's not like the baby knows those words yet. By the way, dysacusis is a real condition. It's pain caused by sound.

[@Yipyipyay]

Yup, this! ^ I have the same condition, so I always keep my volume low on everything. Aside from that I do also have ptsd and crying babies trigger that, so I'm in a similar situation with my sisters kids. They're always too loud and I feel bad for always yelling at them to be quiet but if you try to ask they won't stop screaming, just scream over you (not the babies, but I have to leave the house if they start crying because its painful and I can't handle it)

[@benschiemer]

And it’s not like it’s gonna be a baby forever? I think babies are almost always gross and ugly but they’ll grow up and probably become a cute child so who cares

[@Yipyipyay]

@@benschiemer yeah exactly! Like I'll think she's cute when she's six and not drooling and sh*tting everywhere, girl chill

[@herculesbrofister265]

Babies look like aliens or something. Their heads are too big and all their other features are all out of proportion.

[@herculesbrofister265]

That's the real reason babies can't walk. Their heads are too big. Only when their body size catches up does balance come.

[@LucyLerma]

I feel that now that she said the baby is cute, she'll get more pressure to have kids on her own

[@raynbowponicorn]

I find it so annoying when people say things like “all teenagers drink” just because they did 🙄

[@charminglady2011]

I do too. It's projecting and lacks empathy. What of those that don't? That's not as rare as Op makes it to be.

[@thatradfailure5197]

Yeah. I certainly didn't drink. Besides, teens shouldn't drink because it ruins our brains easier than it does for an adult

[@StillNotMarble]

@@charminglady2011 its what you expect from a 21 year old who drank in their teens and think they are worldly.

[@vuivraalbastra]

I can understand that annoyance. I drank a little bit as a teenager but I know not everyone does and I even had some alcohol free friends myself, even when underage drinking is not seen as a big deal in my country. A better way to say it would probably be "it's not the end of the world if a teenager has a little bit of alcohol from time to time, as long as it doesn't go over the safety limits".

[@Grimmistired]

Yeah I'm 18 and have never tasted alcohol. Don't intend to ever

[@irinaphoenix2169]

Just say "one of the cutest babies I've ever seen." It's true. They take it as a compliment. Done.

[@Cuestar]

don't mind me, i'll just be over here overanalyzing random people's lives

[@luvely1062]

Hey BOY

[@toadssugar]

Cue

[@Drag0nmaster]

Lol

[@seashell9570]

Bruh I disagree with you so hard on the analysis of the 3rd story tho. Like seriously, the person has the right to not think the baby is cute or have to say that the baby is cute. The family should know by now that they don't even like babies in general, and their family sounds manipulative as heck for constantly trying to pressure them to call the baby cute. You can literally tell that they're manipulative just from the fact that they try to force the OP to hold the baby multiple times despite the fact that it physically hurts them. That story was so obviously NTA but it may just be because I come from an abusive manipulative family and have to deal with that kind of annoying crap.

[@luvely1062]

@@seashell9570 agree. Them keep pushing is weird.

[@KRO-222]

The bf in the first one is triggering my Red-Flag-O’meter. Getting advice from his ex on how his new partner should cook is annoying, but what worries me the most is him being dishonest with both of them by not telling either one what he’s up to. Don’t like that.

[@vee8080]

This might be controversial but I don't really think the last poster was the asshole. The family who kept pushing the issue seem like the real assholes to me. I agree that as someone who also isn't a fan of babies and also doesn't find them cute that I would just be polite and lie and call the baby cute BUT I typically pretend to like babies when around people with babies and even though I don't like them, I'm still okay with holding them for short periods. But OP made it clear they really weren't comfortable holding the baby, which is perfectly understandable and people who find babies cute typically wanna hold them so her calling the baby cute would be a pretty obvious lie so OP may as well be honest and polite like they were already doing. I personally see no issue with saying "I don't personally find babies cute but I'm sure yours is" It's essentially saying "I don't think any babies are cute so it's nothing personal against yours but I'm sure most people find her very cute". To me that seems a perfectly honest and polite response. Also while I do understand that to a parent their kid is cute, I personally disagree that parents need to have that constantly reinforced by every person they know. If anything I think the opposite is true, I think it's important for parents to understand that not everyone finds their kid as cute and perfect as they do otherwise they become entitled parents who think their kid is the most perfect kid ever. Parents need to understand that some people just aren't gonna be interested in their kid and they need to except that.

[@meddlinmegs]

I completely disagree with the third post. OP’s trauma aside, because gods that makes it worse when they’re doing what they’ve done her entire life and she’s being forced to give in again, this is stupid. I really don’t care how “important” it is to the parents that you call their baby cute. She has made it clear she personally doesn’t find any baby cute, but she’s met them halfway by taking their word for it. I personally don’t give a rat’s ass about societal “courtesies” like this. I understand taking into consideration of how others feel, but it’s never taken into consideration how the person rejecting the “courtesy” feels. You’re saying pick your battles, but it’s so exhausting to keep up every single courtesy because you might upset someone. And I don’t know OP’s neurotype, obviously. She did not say. But I’m someone who believes that as long as a neurotypical person’s reasoning for a decision isn’t malicious, they shouldn’t be forced to change it as you shouldn’t force a neurodivergent person to. And if OP is neurodivergent, she absolutely shouldn’t be forced to do this meaningless gesture. Like, is her family incapable of moving on? Why does she have to be the one to give when they could *just as easily* stop asking her?

[@ashl2115]

Love this comment, was looking for something like this.

[@SM-yz4hi]

as a neurodivergent person who’s always been extremely uncomfortable lying about my opinions (to the point where i’m sometimes physically incapable of it), I appreciate this. I always try to politely skirt around sensitive questions because I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, but if you go looking for trouble by asking me the same question over and over, eventually I’ll stop being polite. I’m certain OP’s family knew exactly how the situation would end.

[@vuivraalbastra]

I disagree completely with your last take. The parents of a child are adults, they should be able to handle not everybody in the world finding their child cute, especially when OP said that they don't find any kid cute, so it's not like they insulted that one baby while complimenting other babies. Not finding their baby cute doesn't mean OP is not happy for them having a kid and doesn't share their excitement in other ways. And "the baby looks like their parents"? Errrm, sorry, but until a certain age I really don't see the resemblance with the parents aside from eye color maybe, babies look very very different from their parents even if they grow up to be their splitting image. I personally can't see the resemblance between my mom and me as a baby and I look exactly like my mom now. Yeah, lying once is generally not hard, but lying every single time the cuteness of the baby comes into the talk gets pretty frustrating and it does appear often into conversations with parents. Also with plenty of parents you give them a finger and they take your whole hand, especially as a family member. Oh, you think their baby is cute? Then why not hold them or show often how much you care about them by giving gifts or taking care of them? Why not listen to the boring ass story about how their baby moved their leg for the first time or the disgusting ones like how the baby threw up? Maybe these parents are not like that, but it's still immature and self centered to not be able to take "no, I don't find babies cute and yours is not an exception, but she/he is probably objectively cute" as an answer. On top of that you probably missed that OP is female. Afab over a certain age are generally pressured to love all kind of kids and want biological kids and if they don't there must be something wrong with them in the eyes of society. As a 24F I know that whenever I tell my family I don't find babies cute they look at me amused or horrified and don't believe me that this is not something that is going to change. Today I told my mom I can't stand taking care of my cousins kids (because I have to do it again because their only parent disappeared yet again to go gambling and partying with his friends), it's too hard and overwhelming for me and I don't even find them cute. She looked at me like a monster and told me "How could you not find kids cute? What will you do when you'll have your own?" She doesn't know yet that I plan on adopting some older kids and not having bio kids, but it's still bothersome that she assumes and expects me to have my own bio kids later on and taking care of them just because I'm a girl.

[@tabathaalshalhoub1653]

Parent here! I’ve had three babies and I have never once asked anyone if they thought any of them were cute. It’s a baby. I think the pressure of holding them is extremely scary (I was scared of dropping mine!) and I think being harassed and pestered is the worst. I think, if you just look at (saying a baby is cute) yeah that’s easy. But if you look at the big picture (a woman who doesn’t want kids, a woman who doesn’t like kids, a woman being harassed to hold and fuss over a baby) then I think op is NTA and the rest of her family are clearly the antagonists

[@pinkiichi]

Yeah no huge disagree with the baby story. Even my MOTHER who is OBSESSED with babies thinks ops family is being ridiculous. It's absolutely not a big deal. Ops family are assholes for trying to make her hold the baby and say it's cute when she has made it clear she's not comfortable doing that. Not to mention her being worried she'll drop the baby if it cries. Even if they only pressured her to say it's cute they're absolutely ridiculous. Why the hell would you expect someone who has clearly stated multiple times that they don't like babies and don't think babies are cute to suddenly be all "oh your baby is adorable!!" From the way op worded things it seems like she's said these thoughts before her brother even had a baby. They're being rude and ridiculous.

[@hannahhannah7002]

For the second story OP did nothing wrong. They were clear about the atmosphere of the environment. If the aunt had an issue w it she could have parented her child or left her at home.

[@1cannedpeaches]

I can’t stand a back seat chef, either eat what I cook or starve 👊😤

[@Kiefsti]

Username checks out

[@deerkota]

I disagree with the baby post's verdict. the only reason op explicitly said what she said to her parents at the end was because she kept getting asked over and over and over again, and she got tired of it. I think the parents knew (or at least had an idea) what her true opinion is after deflecting and giving half answers, but they still wanted to make her say it just to point fingers and cause drama. also cue said that babies look like their parents, but I honestly can't see it at all. if you handed me an infant and asked me to find the parents just by lookalikes, there's no way I'd figure it out. adults and children on the other hand are a different story; my brother and I were looking through pictures with our mom, and my brother looks at one and goes "wait, who am I with in this one?? whose kid is that", and my mom and I look at it and I'm like "that's not you, that's dad. I'm the kid". he's seriously the spitting image of my dad when he was younger (though google photos can tell them apart, lol)

[@Cman04092]

Story 2, aunts the asshole. You literally warned her before the wedding.

[@goofygoofymf]

Story 3: NTA. Not everybody likes babies. I don't get why so many parents are like that. Maybe to cope with the knowledge that life will ever be the same?

[@d31an3y]

i understand the aunt OP and wouldve done the same. when you start lying and saying stuff just to placate family members and give them what they want to hear, they ALWAYS ask for more. sure it’s not hard to lie to them, but as soon as OP says “cute baby” they’ll try even harder than before to make her hold the baby. you have to hold your boundaries exactly where you want them, because if people move them even a little, they will keep pushing worse than before. sure it’s a very specific hill to die on but i don’t blame her at all for not lying.

[@rosa9005]

Sounds like baby girl setting boudries by not complimenting the baby. The fact that everyone expects her to drop her boundries to appease forceful people is dissapointing.

[@Netto_Abnormal]

I don't get the problem that Americans have with alcohol, they make it such a big deal that kids go to college and drink till they pass out. We got a little drunk as teenagers and now at 26 most of my friends don't even drink wine anymore lol

[@nelly2958]

In the baby story I don’t think op is the AH, like what do you expect when someone says they don’t think babies are cute. They don’t think your baby is cute.

[@Basketcase12]

For the baby story, OP is NTA. Lemme explain why: forcing a child on someone who explicitly told you they dislike them is child endangerment. The parents shoving their baby at an obvious hostile (yes, I literally relate to OP's struggle and I would call the feeling "hostile") is why the brother, his wife, and by extension their whole disgusting family are TA. You love the baby? Keep it away from the trauma of hatred. They're smarter than you think, they can sense disdain.

[@Yipyipyay]

I think the last op isn't the a hole. Just because they don't think she's cute doesn't mean anything. They shouldn't have to be forced to lie just because every one else is butthurt. They need to learn that op is not theirs to control. Its not a big deal.

[@Yipyipyay]

Want to come back and say; NEVER give in to manipulative people!!! If it goes against your true beliefs, don't cave in when they tell you to do or say something. IT ONLY MAKES THE MANIPULATION WORSE!!

[@Uninspiredbrittnae]

I don't think the sibling that didn't find the baby cute was an asshole and this is why.... I'm a mother and when I had my child we cried and it was beautiful and I actually have that moment hanging up on my wall when I first held my baby, and I still get emotional when I look at it, however, before I had my son I was dragged along during several trips to the hospital to see friends babies..... There is never a time where I have thought any of these babies are cute there's never a time where I wanted to touch or hold any of these babies spend time with them or anything like that... And it's really gross and uncomfortable when you're in this room and then people are expecting you to hold this newborn baby or little baby and you just don't want to to me and a lot of people who feel like I do it's just a weird and kind of an odd thing to be involved in... and I understand that there are lots of people who love to hold random people's babies or their friends babies or whatever that I'm not saying that that's abnormal but what I am saying is it's not abnormal to not feel that way and I don't think that we should be pressured so much in society to do so.... Like this person has to lie about how they feel consistently regarding children and there's several other people who feel this way. In my head it's just kind of weird that it's the norm thing to do this. In fact when people came to the hospital and during the first 6 months of my son's life they tried to hold him and be all in his face and stuff gross you know I don't want that........ I don't know it's just odd. Their children not puppies I don't see why we need to pass them around and get approval for my relatives of their attractiveness.... Like isn't that in itself odd?......idk I'm probably also the asshole I guess...

[@sianchild]

With the drinking one, I think being from the US is clouding your judgment. Having grown up in Europe, it's pretty normal for a kid to have some alcohol. I also think OP made it clear that it was an adult event, and it sounds like the mother had done nothing to stop her child drinking throughout the event.

[@SirOwlsworth]

baby story: babies are not cute so some people and I don't see how the babies worth is relevant to its cuteness. forcing op to interact with the baby in a way they dont want (includes commenting on the cuteness) will probably just make them associate the baby with more unease and cause them to interact with the baby less even when its older. I feel like this is not really an issue of op calling the baby cute, like, they seem to have a big family, how many people have to sugar talk about the baby for the parents to be satisfied? Its probably just a really manipulative family, like op mentioned.

[@sammielu2768]

Could not disagree more with your take on the last post. I hate parents that force their children on people. If someone doesn’t want to hold your kid that’s normally the last person you’d want holding them. I hate the ‘child worship’ that people have. Stop forcing your kids on people, family or not. And babies normally are never cute.

[@Moxypony]

She didn't give the kid alcohol, the kid had already been drinking, and there's no legal drinking age in their country, so your points around being age 21 are 100% irrelevant. OP did nothing wrong. And why should anyone be expected to lie just to make someone feel better about something irrelevant? The family are the assholes for pressuring someone they know doesn't like babies to lie for them.

[@nathandkreosote9917]

If you're so insecure that you need to ask people repeatedly if you kid is cute then maybe you're not ready to have a kid.

[@liagotosleep264]

For the baby one: NTA, not everyone likes babies, I personally have tokophobia and I'm child free and I cannot understand why people thrust their children off onto others it's weird and a little bit rude imo, I don't understand why people feel the need to be entitled to other people's time and attention when they have a kid, it's just something I'll never understand

[@aditee3]

Me: Also hates kids and feels exactly how OP feels about others' kids Me: Easy "Not The Asshole"! Obviously I would have done the same. Everyone : Asshole Cue: Asshole Me: *surprised pikachu face*

[@MissKneesocks_]

I think i disagree with you on the wedding story and the drinking. It should be the parents responsibility to watch their children knowing that the wedding invitation said there would be open alcohol. Its not the brides or grooms responsibilities to keep an eye on everyones kids. Its their wedding and they set the terms. Shes is allowed to take shots at her wedding that said it was not kid friendly. Deff not the asshole

[@galaxywanderer5508]

I hate that they bullied her into apologizing for not calling the baby cute. No one is entitled to a compliment. Just because she could easily say it doesn't mean she has to. I thought this would be obvious and I think its crazy everyone said yta. Sounds like the collective is more entitled than I thought. Everyone basically supported her family's manipulation.

[@SM-yz4hi]

yep. in every other case people hate compliment-fishers, but when it’s about a baby suddenly it’s ok??

[@rainbcwdream]

I can somewhat relate to the baby one, and to me, it's not so much about not being able to say the baby is cute, but it's the fact that her family kept pressuring her when they KNEW it made her uncomfortable. And to everyone responding to this by saying that "it's not that hard" maybe not to you, but some people (like OP) clearly struggle with it. It sounded like she didn't want to lie to her family, and I can relate, as I also dodge simple topics that I for whatever reason am not comfortable with. If they weren't ready for her reaction, they never should have pressured her in the first place.

[@scarletsilver1026]

I'm regards to the story about the baby I have a good deal of personal experience with this. My aunt never had kids and never wanted any, her husband was even more adamant that he didn't want kids. They don't like babies and they don't like any kids under the age of 13. This weighed on me my whole childhood since I wasn't shown respect, was treated like I was stupid,was belittled and so on until my 13th birthday when my uncle sat me down and said he could like me now. This left me with issues. I myself, though, grew up to not want children. I don't think babies are cute. They scare me a good deal actually. So from the perspective of a child who has been hurt by this: you don't have to say the baby is cute. You don't have to hold the baby. What matters isn't any of that if you aren't the parent. Just respect the kid, treat it like a human being, make sure it knows it's valuable and worthy of love and care. That's all that matters.

[@Cuestar]

this is a really good point. thanks for sharing your story

[@confettiveda2460]

I mean from your logic that parents are obsessed with their babies and have a burning need for everyone they care about to call it cute, I don't think that's OP's problem. Like, that really doesn't sound like OP's problem. At all.

[@crissyd4975]

I personally find babies gross and annoying, and I wouldn't want to be pressured into holding one or forced to say its cute just because the parents think so. I disagree with the take that its not a big deal because OP has every right to not want to interact a lot with a baby or compliment it for the parents sake.

[@dianab3t3s]

You're so savage pronouncing their typos... "tittle". 🤔🤭😂

[@LadyLeomon]

1) NTA at all, if he doesn’t like it he can cook his own damned dinner (also if ex’s cooking was so much better why is she an ex?) 2) NTA, if the 14 year old was already drinking before the wedding that’s on both her parents and herself, why should OP be held responsible if he own parents can’t control her? 3) NTA, I agree because until a certain all tiny, squishy, occasionally-screaming humans look the same, also say OP did hold the baby, baby cried and OP dropped the baby cos of said aforementioned pain, who would they blame by default despite OP’s warnings? Don’t let anyone pressure you and remind them NOT EVERYONE HAS TO LOVE YOUR TINY HUMAN! Thanks for the new vid Cuestar and hope you had a Happy New Year 🎊💙🐱💙🎊

[@RWAsur]

1st story- equal A score, her communication skill was terrible and just escalated their problem. It's okay to be friends with an EX but it isn't OK to judge or nitpick your new GF. So 1/5 for both. 2nd story- OP is NTA, there's no legal limit to the drinking and we have to let societies build their own consensus on this. 14 is not unreasonably young to be exposed to alcohol, aunt-mother should've had this talk a long time ago, the invites were clear, and POSING with a single drink is not a sin? It wasn't super clear she even drank it, but if she did, the first alcoholic drink doesn't an alcoholic make. The way the aunt-mother is reacting, if this is an ongoing fued, then her poor kid WILL probably have a disordered relationship to alcohol just from the emotional trauma associated with an over-controlling mother. Whether dry or wet.

[@safirak7988]

I personally also do not enjoy telling people that their baby is cute as a rule. I do say it if it's true and when it's not I usually say "they look like a baby, congrats" and we have a laugh about it. But I know that I've probably been lucky thus far and some people might not react to it that well.

[@venusharuna4187]

I don’t think they’re the asshole for not saying the baby is cute. They made it very clear that they didn’t want to do that and their family kept pressuring them despite the fact that it made them uncomfortable. Not everyone finds babies cute, not everyone likes babies, people should stop forcing that upon others if they have made it clear that it goes against what they want.

[@lifeiswonderful22]

1:45 This just sounds like an unhealthy relationship.

[@cw2010]

The baby story op was not the asshole at all in my opinion. Not everyone likes children and someone recognizing that in themselves and just not interacting with kids is much better than interacting with a child and the kid feeling they aren’t liked

[@reahnheflen2205]

I dont care how petty it is. Just cuz it's normal doesn't mean it's ok. They are manipulating you, and have done it in the past. They are an extremely horrible example to you. They are actively telling you to lie to your brother. I'd go as far as cut them out for this shit. But I'd be willing to take the L and say yeah thats to far even for me. I'm just tired of my parents manipulating me.

[@kingdominican6817]

I'm gonna have to disagree with cue on the wedding drinking story. Maybe it's an American thing but myself and I'm assuming the OP since she said her country has no drinking age, are from cultures where drinking is not an exclusively "adult only" thing. And if the OP assumed that her aunt would have been ok with her cousin drinking since she had been drinking before, I don't see why what she did is such a huge issue. I'm personally not a fan of the "wait until your 21" drinking culture because that can lead to birthday binge drinking. I suppose the OP may have been wrong to assume, but the aunt should have known full well what the wedding was going to be if she read the invitation. So I especially don't understand the "I can't believe you let me take my daughter here" point.

[@Amayawolf_01]

When it comes to alcohol, my parents would let us take sips of their drinks at home when we were younger, and when we got closer to drinking age the rule was basically "You can have a drink or two if you want, as long as you're not going anywhere after" (not even walking to a friend's house). I think that really deterred all of us from sneaking drinks since my parents weren't extremely strict but not entirely lax about it, so it was more like "Yeah I have the *option* to drink if I want but I don't really care since there's no thrill of potentially getting caught." We're all at drinking age now and still don't particularly care for alcohol, but I have been drinking sweet wines/hard lemonades/etc occasionally to discover what I like.

[@AA-pw5ni]

The baby story is annoying. No sound causes someone pain over any other sound. That's just dumb. She also obviously doesn't give a shit about her niece and doesn't plan to have a relationship with her, which is her choice. That being said, the parents being upset she won't say the kid is cute is just weird. As a parent, I've never given a shit about people saying (or not saying) my kid is cute. In fact, as they get older it's just weird.

[@AA-pw5ni]

@@rappsface If this person had any valid reason I assume 1) they would have mentioned it and 2) her family would be accomidating

[@SM-yz4hi]

@AA why would you assume her family is accommodating when they won’t even allow her to not fawn over a baby lmfaooo this is clearly a pushy family that’s used to violating boundaries, they don’t care how she feels

[@AA-pw5ni]

@@SM-yz4hi I mean, I disagree because again that would be a topic on ablism, not pushy parents. If they were being genuinely insensitive to her medical needs, they would have mentioned it.

[@SM-yz4hi]

@@AA-pw5ni they might be undiagnosed or just uncomfortable sharing that information online. Either way, it’s not like pushy parents suddenly become respectful when medical stuff is involved

[@AA-pw5ni]

@@SM-yz4hi There's really no way to know but either way they're being a prima donna. I'm bringing personal shit into this because it just sounds like a cousin of mine who has always been self-important and would just make shit up so they're not 'in the wrong.' That's just the vibe I get from this person. Just say you're not interested in your neice and don't like babies, don't make up this bullshit, "IM IN PAIN BECAUSE OF THE KID"

[@yandereskitty]

With the baby story. So I have had some issues as well. I find children in my own family, cute and down right adorable. But other people's kids, I don't have the strongest feelings for. I will say Ye cute baby , but I don't feel the over whelming urge to shower the photo with praise. Mostly as I didn't feel it. (specially after seeing the 300th Instagram photo)

[@cymraegandconfused9721]

in a vacuum, I suppose that lying and saying that, sure, the baby's cute is fine to keep the peace, but if her family really has a history of forcing/manipulating her to say stuff she doesn't mean (and then getting upset that she doesn't mean it), I can 100% understand not wanting to compromise. granted, I think babies look like mushy potatoes at best, so I'm probably not the best judge. trying to make her hold the baby even after she's explained that she _might_ _drop_ _it_ if it screams, though? absolute asshole move.

[@generalblaze3650]

to me, in that whole story with calling the baby cute, i see no assholishness except on the parents side. if someone clearly doesn't want to hold your child, why continue to try to pressure them into doing so? I'm hoping I don't end up in a similar situation when my sister has her child, she does at least understand that me bing in physical contact with anyone bothers me extremely

[@ChrissaTodd]

her energy just gives me the baby cries when she holds her because of her energy she is giving with not liking kids she can have her opinion and also it wasn't to hold the child it was to call the child cute sure she was also asked to hold her but she was mainly asked to call her cute.

[@generalblaze3650]

@@ChrissaTodd I think I might get what you are saying, but it's very hard to understand what you were trying to say with your wording

[@bluesquadron8667]

Brother and parents in the last story are the AH. Way too sensative to something that doesnt matter.

[@ok3097]

I dont think the baby one is the bad one, i dont go putting my pets up in people's faces forcing them to call them cute or pet them especially if i know they dont like it, its not like the baby is going to remember that you didnt call them cute and scar them forever, is literally just making a fuss over something so stupid

[@cascadianrangers728]

Better the kids experiment with substances at a safe family gathering than alone or in bad company out in the streets

[@ugh123]

There is far from enough information to be sure of this so I definitely don't want to be "diagnosing" the baby story person with this, but it sounds like they might have misophonia. The way they described the crying of a baby hurting their ears so bad it could cause a reaction like _dropping a baby_ does not sound "normal" and very much makes me think of misophonia and I feel like that kind of got glossed over. Even if it isn't - something like that causing such legitemate pain, to where they're afraid to hold the child because it might result in such a reaction, is not something someone can be held at fault for at all. NTA.

[@fromnona]

hope ur doing well! I’m just getting over a pretty nasty cough and I’ve been binging your videos all week as I got through it. I appreciate u!

[@plebisMaximus]

Where I live it's perfectly normal to drink before turning 18, there's no legal drinking age and you can already buy your own beer at 16. Most of my friends had alcohol by 14 and I had a taste from my dads beer at 12 or 13. I get you're a lot more uptight about it overseas, but I think it's a cultural thing.

[@wombat4583]

Normalization doesn't make something right though, just socially accepted.

[@pyropete206]

@@wombat4583 if being socially accepted doesn't mean something is right, what makes something right then?

[@wombat4583]

@@pyropete206 You're getting into philosophy and morals. There is nothing that is necessarily 'right'. There are plenty of things that have been socially accepted that are later viewed as wrong (hence societal change), and there is no doubt that people in the future will see the flaws in how we act today. The best we can do is argue/discuss what is 'right'.

[@grootsChannel]

This subreddit is pretty good, but you know what's even better? Cuestar uploading so many videos!

[@petty.crocker]

Cue-just wanted to tell you you’re amazing and I love your videos! I hope you’re doing okay mentally and I hope you never feel bad to take a step back from posting if needed! A real fan would understand! 😌😌

[@ThequestioningcentersMatt]

Cue with some bad takes here (everyone has their opinions ik ik). The second AITA isnt the A because she clearly stated that alcohol would be served, so why should a minor be there in the first place? The aunt is the A because she decided that her minor daughter would be okay in an adult setting where adults partake in adult stuff. The baby story is also not A because everyone is entitled to their opinions despite what society/family pressures you to do. To be fair to cue, these are really tougher AITA stories than usually fake ones.

[@clawwestfall8799]

Both baby and drinking story is NTA. Both OP clearly stated/warned their family member their view on things. In the drinking story, the aunt was warned about the wedding being inaapropriate and her kid is her responsibility. In the baby story, I think that wanting to hear how cute and special your baby is is incredibly entiteled. And in the end, it doesn't matter if she holds the baby snd finds it cute or not.

[@shmellomello]

Parents are so sensitive about their crotch fruit. Not everyone likes babies. Not everyone wants to see your baby. It's great you're excited. We're all happy that you're happy, but seriously, not many people really care about your kid except you. I really wish more people would stop shoving their kids on to other people. It's so annoying.

[@a_literal_brick]

It's so nice when Cue and Walter are active

[@ruse_d_news]

Gotta have my daily dose of Cue. How else would I be reminded of drinking adequate water and skating on to the best of my abilities?

[@AndyyWithAY]

In the last story I think everyone sucks, but OP. Like this is completely ridiculous. Why is it such a big deal that anyone think your baby is cute, especially your sister who you know does not find infants to be cute. I can't stand these people just from the post

[@jennaelizabeth2742]

I disagree with the wedding one. There was no legal drinking age in their country and she was told the father was ok with it. The fault lies on the parents for not being on the same page about whether ally was allowed to drink or not.

[@jewels3846]

My parents made it clear they didnt approve of underage drinking (limit is 19 here) but said if we did and needed a safe ride to call them anyways because our safety always came first.

[@jakeshook7323]

I can't believe the amount of comments supporting not saying baby is cute. It's not about the baby, baby doesn't care they can't understand spoken language. It's about your brother. You say nice things about the baby because it's what your brother is putting all his time energy money and half of himself into. I have three sisters who I regard extremely highly. If they wouldn't tell me my ugly baby is cute and act like they like it I would be devastated. Look past your edgy self. Love more✌️

[@Zulk_RS]

For the wedding story: I don't think what OP did is wrong in isolation. She made it clear there's going to be alcohol and she made it clear it's not kid appropriate. That being said, OP's general attitude towards underage drinking just rubs me the wrong way. I can see why she did what she did but doing shots with a 14 year old is not a good. Also "All teenagers drink at some point" is total BS.

[@caffe1n8ed]

it's not underage drinking when there's no age limit in their country

[@Zulk_RS]

@@caffe1n8ed I didn't mean it like a legal sense I meant it more like OP being all like "All teens drink alcohol" and then doing shots with her 14 year old cousin.

[@LizbethVMoreno]

I have had 3 kids and never went around wanting for my family to tell me my baby is cute. specially when they are super small all I cara about is keeping them alive. Lol. The only way I would be offended is if someone made it a point to come insult my child just because they dont like kids