r/AmiTheA**Hole For Telling My Ex I Refuse To Share Custody Of My Daughter?

[@garthrogers2269]

First story. All the so-called family & friends telling her to give the "father" a chance were the same people who were telling her not to try to force the sperm donor to have a relationship with her daughter.

[@keepdancingmaria]

..m mlm . N mm ...m.

[@MichaelTaylor-bk9vf]

@@keepdancingmaria and 5

[@kamdencristiano9741]

Sorry to be off topic but does anyone know of a tool to log back into an Instagram account? I stupidly lost the login password. I would love any tricks you can offer me

[@jaydenbrycen770]

@Kamden Cristiano instablaster ;)

[@Lady.B0420]

You can't force a person to be present when they don't want to. With that said, he IS the father. He wasn't ready to be a dad, despite his irresponsibility. She could just as easily destroy her daughters mental health by denying her a relationship with her father. Building a relationship now will be easy because the child is young. He shouldn't get custody but he should be getting visits.

[@carolsimpson4422]

If the disappearancing dad really cared about his child he would have asked nicely for a chance to meet the daughter and slowly build a relationship. Instead he demands to destroy the child's routine and stability.

[@bailey7792]

Was literally just about to comment this.. thanks for saving me the time lol 👌🏻

[@duncanbowman5498]

You’re right, but he’s still gonna win. He’s been paying child support on time for years now and he has a stable income this is America he’s probably gonna win, and our society believes that both parents are more important then even if it’s unstable, then just one.

[@avamarie660]

@@duncanbowman5498 he would most likely get every other weekend, but joint custody after 7 years of no contact is highly improbable

[@duncanbowman5498]

@@avamarie660 I must have missed the joint custody part. I meant that courts really like keeping families together. And in their eyes this kind of counts.

[@Ice-ha2467]

Exactly! I was thinking that! Maybe the grandparents didn’t want to keep paying OP as much as they did. Maybe they wanted to reduce the payments and he could even be planning to just drop the child off with them

[@kmbaldwin5325]

He hasn’t had contact with the child for the first 7 years of the child’s life, very unlikely that a judge would give him anything more than supervised visits a couple hours a week if that.

[@milieg3309]

probably why he wants to avoid courts. Maybe I'm reaching but parents like this always disappear with or without the baby

[@samiulhuda4001]

he will get visitation initially if that goes well he can file for more custody later on . he was not present but he did pay child support. once he proves the kid is benifitting with him around him he will get more custody

[@HazelJuanitaMillanHoffman]

@@samiulhuda4001 He didn't pay child support. His parents paid her to stay away from their family. She has had sole custody since the child was born. I am guessing he has a new Woman who wants to be a Mommy. He doesn't want a infant anymore now, than he did 7 years ago. But he can provide a ready made kid the new Woman can play Mommy to part time.

[@katwiltz1134]

This is true if the courts were even minutely fair. The amount of Judges that can be bribed for exceeds the amount of Judges that can't. Money talks in the court system.

[@katwiltz1134]

For the father who's upset his son's gay and wasn't told. You weren't told because he's not really your son is he I mean yes you're the bio dad but you don't even look at his Facebook or anything else you don't stalk him online you're not worried about seeing him when you're not with him you have a child to keep both eyes on and this is the result. You can say excuse after excuse after excuse of why you didn't have more contact with your son even by phone but the fact is he doesn't know you and you don't know him and that's not the kids fault. You cheated on his mom got somebody else pregnant. Even double down and went ahead and married this one and raised your second child all the while knowing you would burnt your Bridge with the mom of your other child. You think that would have been too much work to humble yourself to get to see your kid? There are too many dads that would love nothing more than to see their children and spiteful mom's block every attempt for me to feel sorry or emphasized with a man who thinks he should be told everything when he's clearly abandon his child you did this knowing that the mom will talk bad about you and everything else so I think you tried to be the best dad you could to the other child and just wrote this one-off it was probably shocking that your brother new a lot more but then again hey he's actually interested and check him out on Facebook.

[@nicholasking4302]

With story 1 what's with the people in OP's life telling OP she's a bitch? Um...she begged him to be a father and "everyone" said she needed to back off and she did. Can't have it both ways folks. And the person who said "if she got child support she'd have to accept joint custody" no, that's NOT how it works. Child support and custody are two different issues.

[@flowingwaters5118]

What she was getting was not child support it was blood money to stay out of their lives. I hope she jad it all in writing!

[@d.l831]

Exactly. And what was offered was not child support. It was a bribe to leave their son alone. So that right there would be good on her in court. But I’m glad that they took the route they did. I hope it ends up for the better

[@aikikaname6508]

Exactly! Dad got to peace out of the hard and thankless years of the kids life and reappear to be fun Dad when the hard parts over. If OP had the same attitude as Dad the kid would be in the system or adopted to a family and dear old Dad wouldn’t just be able to waltz back in once he’s ready. She did all the sacrificing yet she’s the bitch?

[@wolfiebunnyshopofficial3923]

technically in most states, child support payments or not, after a year of no contact the child is deemed "abandoned" and zero legal rights can be given anymore

[@TheVeggiekat]

Depends on where you live. With my ex paying child support was considered maintaining contact by the court and it didn’t matter that the only child support payments I received were because child support caught him and took what he owed me out of a legal settlement he received.

[@BriarPatchNyra]

The fact he’s jumping to custody instead of visitation is very strange.

[@katie8732]

I'm gonna guess it's the classic story of: he got a new wife, wife wants to be a happy family with the forgotten child.

[@joannewoodward3480]

Why does he suddenly want to be a father and have joint custody? One has to wonder what his parents, who didn't want anything to do with their grandaughter, are doing in the background.

[@marcusegan8682]

Probably the standard rich people who didn't want to acknowledge a child out of wedlock.

[@joannewoodward3480]

@@marcusegan8682 No idea what a 'standard rich person' looks like or thinks. If you read enough of these posts you know that ass backwards way of thinking transends socio economic, political and religious boundaries. I'm just wondering if they are afraid the story of how they treated their grandchild will leak out and tarnish their image or something equaly stupid. Who knows but the first question you should always ask in these stories is why, usually it's money or organ donation.

[@monarchminnie5827]

They might have started to force the son to pay the generous child support and now he wants to get out of it by Having a relationship.

[@carolsimpson4422]

@@monarchminnie5827 that was my thought! That his parents were forcing him to take over the child support payments- and in his careless brain he figures it would be cheaper to have 50/50 custody and be free of these payments. I've heard of dead beat parents doing this in other reddit stories. they get the custody, and then leave the kid/s with a family member or wife/gf the whole time, and barely feed them much less buy clothes or pay other expenses- leaving all that to the other parent.

[@bailey7792]

@@monarchminnie5827 Didn't think of that.. makes sense now that you said it though

[@ladytenor9876]

I am an African-American. I once worked for an employment firm. All of the resumé s submitted under black names were trashed. Needless to say, I quit two days before the slimy CEO was arrested for tax fraud.

[@mbyerly9680]

They also have a strong negative socio-economic vibe to them for some people.

[@pollypockets508]

That's a major law suit. And definitely something real.

[@pollypockets508]

@@mbyerly9680 Who is they? Black people?

[@groofromtheup5719]

Are these names really part of Black Identity? Are they actually African names? Where do they really come from and when?

[@Lily_of_the_Forest]

That’s terrible! Thank you for leaving that awful place!

[@candlegal10311]

When you dont want to wear a dress so bad you push out a whole child to avoid wearing it. 😂

[@ZombieSazza]

“AITA for abandoning my son years ago, not really keeping in touch with him and getting angry at him for not coming out to me as a homosexual” Yes, yes absolutely. You’re not really part of his life, you moved away to start over with your new family, you abandoned him, why would he tell you?

[@mariella2884]

Thank you. That man is pathetic and has zero right to his child's life given how absent he was. Just because he wants to know something so important means literally nothing. His son probably didn't want his alcohol father to cheat and abandon him. That man needs therapy and to leave his biological son alone. He's no father.

[@shells500tutubo]

First story- OP is going to find out that the father now has a fiancee or wife and is trying to establish communication with his daughter in hopes of getting full custody, citing that he has a more stable two parent family. I've seen it happen enough times.

[@mattdunkley130]

My father left when I was 5 never fought to see us gave or gave us money nothing 25 years later he tried to talk to me and play victim, I confronted him about it and he went no contact

[@jantimmons5115]

I'm sorry. If he can't take the truth, too bad for him.

[@SeabassFishbrains]

As a nail tech (someone who works in beauty/personal services) I say 100% NTA for the person whose hair got buzzed off. That shits just not okay. If I split someone's natural nail during a service because I wasn't paying attention that would be horrible and completely not okay. Also literal beauty school 101 is that you don't chat with your coworkers or anyone else while working on a client, when a client is in your chair that client should have your full/undivided attention.

[@anthonygilmour6236]

Also if the hair stylist is that easily distracted,how soon would it have been before they actually injured someone, IE cutting an ear or something... The stylist was an OH&S Issue waiting to happen.

[@thaimy2]

Exactly!! On top of that, it effects his appearance in a very obvious way and seriously hurt him.

[@andysheepleton]

Markee is a bit of a simp some times. Why would anyone be expected not to react in that situation? His mom could have gotten a bowl and done as good a job and it would have been free. You can't charge for cutting hair and then dial it in, screw up, and expect no consequences. When I was a kid my mom took me to the haircut school to be a test dummy for my cousin. I swear I must have been the first real head she cut hair off of. But in that situation at least that's what we signed up for. One of the instructors stepped in and "fixed" it, but I was miserable for the first week or two because it was just way shorter than I would have chosen to have it cut. Cousin owns two salons now. The comments at the end struck a nerve.

[@nancyatkins2075]

I went to a "school" to get a perm, then came back in a week to get a TRIM from a girl finishing in a couple of weeks. I explained clearly what I wanted and that she should start at the front . She disregarded my instructions and started at the rear. She chatted the entire time she was cutting with a nearby other student. When she finished I saw she'd CUT OFF MY ENTIRE PERM! My bangs were an inch long! I was supposed to have a Michael Jackson comb over in the front! I refused to pay and said they should actually refund the perm cost since she cut it off. They refused and I left in tears.

[@SnowyWolborg]

Story #1: NTA. "Parents" who think they came come in and out of their child's life when it's convenient do not deserve children. Especially the ones who only show up after the hard part is over. His parents literally paid OP to stay away. He had his chance at the beginning and decided that his life goals were more important.

[@aikikaname6508]

Exactly, and as a father with rich parents it wouldn’t have been difficult and the expectations wouldn’t have been that high. All he’d have needed to do is keep mummy and daddy’s money flowing and seen the kid every other weekend. He wouldn’t have had to sacrifice much

[@chloecook4511]

The haircut guy was totally justified. I once had a beautician wrap half of my hair in curlers before her fellow beautician told her that the other side of my hair was still full of shampoo. She didn't want to unfurl the ones she had wrapped while the rest of my hair was rinsed. Then she cut one side about 3/4 of an inch shorter than the other side which i didn't notice until the next day. Another beautician helped her put my hair on the curlers because by now she was running late. One of them wrapped tighter than the other so my permanent was much tighter on one side than the other. I wish I had let her know how pissed I was but I didn't have the courage of op. I settled for never going back to that salon. I had to go to another salon the next day to try to correct the mess she made.

[@SashaMonsteraki]

I agree, but I think op was a guy? And that's why everyone thinks it's not a big deal except if she did any skin damage. Like, he has short hair, so 1-2 centimetres more don't make much difference. I again disagree, but at first I also thought of a huge strand of long hair being cut, it which case I would require the hairdresser to pay me. As it stands, I just think op is justified enough.

[@Cassandra765]

Story 1: NTA and your friends and family are AHs who need to mind their own business. The dude doesn't get to just waltz back in after 7 years of not caring and acting all entitled to OP's child. This guy isn't entitled to anything.

[@SH-qs7ee]

I would disagree; she using her own history as a reason, but from what I can tell, she hasn't asked what her daughter wants. If that daughter decides to look for her father later, and finds out her mom stopped them from having a relationship, it will go badly for OP.

[@Cassandra765]

@@SH-qs7ee I'm not saying that the daughter's wants shouldn't be taken into account because they should. What I am saying, though, is that daddy dearest doesn't have the right to demand anything and OP's history is valid, especially when it looks like it could very likely repeat itself with her daughter. This guy hasn't taken care of this child in anyway, they are strangers to each other, but he thinks it's okay to just come back out of the blue and demand joint custody and upend this girl's life because right now he feels like being a parent? That's a red flag, imo. Yes, this is a choice she should be giving her daughter, but this guy hasn't earned the right to be making any kind of demands on OP.

[@SH-qs7ee]

@@Cassandra765 That is true

[@krystalfloods6197]

And the daughter is only seven, she doesn’t know what she wants. She probably has some sort of idea of what her father is in her head and she’s too young to know the truth. He’s going to show up and throw money at her and act like the fun dad which of course the child is going to love. I feel so bad for OP because I don’t think he deserves to be in their lives at all after what he did.

[@AshenTechDotCom]

some have the "i hate and blame the parent that kept us appart" vibe/thing going on.. personally i wish my mother had cut off contact with my bio father and his family after he signed away his rights to me, in order to get our of back child support..... would have saved me a ruined/ended life due to lies... but meh... what is... is... nothing can change the past or fix the harm done... it is "forever harm"..

[@roberthpilesund384]

First story: i have a similar background as the child in that story, father came back when i was seven, and a court deemed it best that i stay with my mother on schooldays and be at my father every secon weekend. The first six months were good, but my father tried many times to tell me how awful my mother was, while she signed me up at any afterschool activity that happened on the weekend. To add on this i also got a stepfather, that only a couple of times used physical abuse, but the mental abuse were constant. My bio dads interest in me vaned in time until my teenage years, where it came to a breaking point. He organized a big family gathering for everyone from his side of he family, with food, movienight, desserts and entertainment - and when everyone was there - he sent me home ( we lived close ). He had some excuse, but the message was clear - i was not part of the family. That moment broke something that can never be whole again. My point to the mother, fight for your daughter with everything you got, because if his suddent feeling for a family is not 100% genuine, the damage he can make, lasts a lifetime.

[@kat1722]

For the hair Cut, I’d be crying and my mum would turn into a monster. I have alopecia, my hair falls out from the root so having a bit wrongly cut that way it would mean I’d have to loose a more hair than I already have. The stress would also cause another flare. (My hairdresser is really nice and I trust her but I can’t just go into any hair salon because someone messing my hair up a big worry.) I groom my and help with my friends dogs, one of the most important things is that you NEVER have tools near the dog if your eyes and hand aren’t on them. What it had been a kid? If the kid moved and she wasn’t paying attention she could have done serious harm. And I’ve never me a hairdresser who isn’t chatting with/to their client!

[@toxicginger9936]

I think a lot of people out there are nonchalant about their hair... and forget that for others like us, our hair can be deeply personal. I would have done almost exactly what that OP did if I'd been in his shoes. I would have completely lost my sh!t. I don't have alopecia, but I haven't let a hair dresser cut my hair since '89, or perm it since '95. My hair is just so personal for me that I cut it myself now.

[@kristinwiebold2433]

I am always chatting with the person who is cutting my hair and before they cut something, we talk and agree with the next steps are and I keep my ears open for their directions and comply.

[@kristinwiebold2433]

No OP's coworkers weren't joking and they were harassing OP till OP snapped. Glad op went to HR. It is sad the diet thing was cancelled but it wasn't OP's fault. If the Coworkers had listened when OP said no I don't want to join, I don't want to be apart, there wouldn't have been a problem.

[@gail8834]

The one story about the haircut, I did hair for 30 years. And especially with new customers you should never be distracted by having a conversation gossiping and stuff. You shouldn’t do it in the first place, but sometimes your regulars are in on the conversation too. I think that hairdresser learned her lesson the hard way I will never do something like that again. She will be completely focused on every haircut for the rest of her life.

[@toxicginger9936]

She learned a lesson the hard way, but it was a well-needed lesson. I think a lot of people out there are nonchalant about hair (ie. "It'll grow back")... and forget that for others, hair can be deeply personal. I would have done almost exactly what that OP did if I'd been in his shoes. I would have completely lost my sh!t. I haven't let a hair dresser cut my hair since '89, or perm it since '95. My hair is just so personal for me that I cut it myself now.

[@hugdispenser5627]

I’ll be honest. My first thought was “thank god there wasn’t any actual injuries” because scissors are sharp and if she was distracted that much it very well could’ve ended in a different way (injury/lawsuit) I still think the freak out was just a bit over the top. Not as an overreaction, but the words were not a good choice. I’ve had hairstylists talk to me while doing my hair to get a picture of what I want. Talk to my mom and their coworkers. They’d look up for a second if that and talk while looking and paying attention to their hands.

[@hugdispenser5627]

@@toxicginger9936 I get that completely. Hair can be very extremely personal for many reasons. Some of the things I experience with my hair is the fluctuation better wanting long hair I can braid and having long hair give me dysphoria on some days (I’m non-binary). And I can’t imagine what it would be like for a binary trans person. My closet trans guy friend had recently cut soooo much of his hair in the middle of a bad dysphoria episode. So I can’t imagine going in for a usual haircut, only to loose so much hair.

[@alana.dyer.author]

@@hugdispenser5627 i have a non binary friend and their hair is loooong. They cosplay as both male and female anime characters because of their long black hair. I am a normal binary person and hate long hair on me. I get really paranoid and just dont feel myself if I have long hair.

[@hugdispenser5627]

@@alana.dyer.author thank you. I no longer have such string dysphoria. I now have a binder and found family to be myself with which helps a lot. But thank you for sharing this.

[@flowingwaters5118]

2nd story..the sisyer IS a Bridezilla. Telling wedding guests exactly what to wear is overstepping boundaries

[@cchastant8251]

(sighs) When you ask what people want to eat on multiple occasions, and someone finally goes behind your back to order edible food (enough to SHARE!)... you should expect they won't beg forgiveness for being "rude" enough to want to eat at the family meal that only the "hosts" and children were given enough to eat of food they would consume. This sounds like it's been going on for years, and OP had enough. They quietly ordered, picked up, and paid for the two extra pizzas, then when the hosts called him on DARING to want to eat his fill on pizza he'd be willing to eat... he turned it back on them. I think I would have just started pushing for someone else to host, if anyone else could. Or finding some way to make certain enough pizzas people would eat were bought. I remember one holiday with my (now ex) hubby's family, they all wanted to go to a Mexican restaurant to eat, rather than cooking. As soon as the first person mentioned "Mexican," everyone else wanted it, very enthusiastically. I held silent. We arrive, are handed menus. I find the only thing on the list I'm pretty sure I'll be willing to eat: a cheese crisp. Huge tortilla (about 18"), thick coating of cheese, and a (thankfully!) tiny scoop of onions, tomatoes, and sour cream in the center.Whole thing cut something like a pizza, too. I look at it with private releaf, and dig in. I was not the only one to order an appetizer, and others dig into my dinner along with enjoying the other appetizers. Then the main dishes arrive. Suddenly people realize I didn't get anything. They ask, and I admit that I couldn't handle most Mexican cooking (too spicy, too many foods I can't stand used as ingredients). "Well why didn't you say you didn't like Mexican?" "Because =everyone= else clearly wanted it. And I found something to eat, so I'm good." "Aren't you going to eat anything?!" I point to the cheese crisp I've been eating, and people who took some feel bad. "Why didn't you say anything?!" "Because I knew they'd give me more than I could eat. I didn't mind sharing, and it isn't like everyone took it all and left me nothing." I was, in fact, still eating some, with plenty more left. I don't know why it was an issue for everyone else, other than wanting to include me. Seemed to me that it wasn't a huge deal to have one meal where very little was on my "willing to eat it" list, especially when everyone else was looking forward to it so much.

[@Katzztar]

The mom upset at daughter for wanting to holiday in remote cabin: This sounds like one I read before but from the daughter's POV. In the daughter stated this would be their first x-mas as a married couple and that they wanted to get away from family drama for their very first Christmas together as a married couple and wanted a romantic getaway. So of course they didn't want people visiting, that ruins the romantic getaway.

[@blackkittenb]

The only time I snap to get someone's attention is when it's my cat and he's doing something he shouldn't be, then it's a "try that first because sometimes that works to break his concentration and I don't have to get up to physically get him to stop staring at his sister and upsetting her"

[@bellajaid]

My son picked up this habit of "giving directions" on Netflix when he wanted to watch something from his... cousin? (Grandma's same age nephew). He did it exactly twice to me. The first time we basically did what OP did "That's not how we ask", the second time I shut off the TV and walked away until he apologized and addressed what he did (he was like 6, so not incapable of understanding). The fact that a grown ass woman did this for almost a year! That is unbelievable

[@FoxValley123]

I usually have to pat my thigh in my kitties from being dumb and chewing on things they shouldn't they always go alert and stop its both cute and alarming

[@flamin.hot.cheeto]

“her mom’s was karen and my mom’s name wasn’t a meme” LMAO stop 😂😂😂

[@groofromtheup5719]

MAYBE the meme will have run out in 5 years, but I doubt it. ps. we need pics of MIL and her short haircut.

[@RTJames-gq9xg]

For the brother addict story: kind that you tried and the rules were for YOUR home. Everyone gets that outside the home life is different and mean but your home should be your safe and happy and sacred safe! ❤️❤️❤️

[@Keyonne88]

It is very rare to be addicted to Marajuana; there's a genetic predisposition required for most people to develop addiction. That or massive overuse. Makes sense brother would have the same issue if OP does, since they're related and all.

[@krystalfloods6197]

A diet bet in the workplace is extremely inappropriate in the first place! That never should’ve happened. They harassed OP over and over again until OP finally said something.

[@bethochoa2021]

A hundred years ago in my mid twenties when I was waiting tables, making bank, and loving life and my job I had a large party with a great family but the dad snapped his fingers at me as I was walking away and the first thing out of my young mouth was oh no no Sir I’m not a dog! It just spewed out of my mouth 😂 His wife cracked up laughing and he apologized but I was certain I was going to be fired!! I told my boss and she laughed! Got a big tip! Oops

[@dawnsharp8524]

For the daughter staying with hubby and hound...YTAH here. I was grateful and relieved when at 40-something my psychiatrist told me I didn't have to kowtow to my family on the holidays. If it felt good to stay away, do it. It allowed me to make special time for everyone else at other times with much less pressure.

[@reginarainer9740]

Something like the bride & groom happened once with my sister's wedding. I was helping to pay for it. My mother tried to force her to invite cousins we had never seen before and when she couldn't get my sister to budge she turned to me because I had half of the purse strings. I just said I was a silent partner and she threatened to not go to the wedding if the cousins didn't. She didn't go to the wedding.

[@trypotherapy7478]

WOW👏Best👏Mother👏Ever👏 No but seriously. Good on your sister for not caving into your mother's request. Some mothers just really need to be reminded that it's their *daughters* special day and not their own. I for one wouldn't like a bunch of random family members I've never met before and therefore don't care about, going to my wedding. Also good on you for not going with your mother's plan to get her to agree to it just because you had part in the money side of things. Someone who comes with such a manipulative plan, really have no business being at a wedding... 😒 Hope the wedding went well without her presence anyways, best of wishes to you and your sister~

[@jantimmons5115]

Good, she probably would have shown disapproval through the whole wedding and ruined it for you. Spoiled grown brat, that Mom.

[@alana.dyer.author]

Sounds like a win for you and sis that the narcissist didn't go

[@lynzyrisingsun]

And yes staying out of court is always the best first option. You never want to give the decisions of your child life to a complete stranger aka a court! If you can be an adult and do what’s truly best for your child then you don’t need someone else making that decision for you.

[@salenebrom6476]

She still needs a signed contract to cover her ass and protect her child

[@Leoluvesadmira]

Always have papperwork

[@Songbirdstress]

I always say courts never resolve anything, but they can get a bad situation to stop. So better if parents can find a solution that works for their family, but if they can't, then the court can I pose something.

[@tiffanym1108]

Not true. Your child's other parent can take off with your kid, disappear and the cops can't do anything because there is no paperwork saying they belong with you. It happened to me. That was the worst 6 months of my life

[@Ciinypie]

I remember my brother wanting to elope. But my mom kept telling him that SHE wanted a wedding. She also wanted me to have a big wedding, but she has no money to pay for a big wedding and neither did I. I ended up having a 10 person wedding in a different state. It’s up to the bride and groom what they do, no one else has a say in how anyone else gets married.

[@jaggirl]

Very true. It's your day. Blow everyone else and what they want..🌻

[@indiashante1560]

Ready to be a father after 7 years? Wtf? Wow.

[@raven2795]

Naming children can be a struggle. My husband and got nowhere just talking (strong opinions on both sides), so we each wrote a list, struck off all names not included on both list and worked from there. Good luck

[@scifiwriter6092]

My hair grows super slow. I'm a non-confrontational person, but if that hairstylist had taking a chunk out of my hair, I would have blown up too!

[@cchastant8251]

I went through chemo over 30 years ago, and will absolutely agree that stuff takes the stuffing right OUT of you! And I know they've made improvements in chemo, because about ten years ago, one of my coworkers who did stocking was able to continue working while still doing chemo, which =I= couldn't have done at the beginning, but did do towards the end. But the way this stuff affects you changes from person to person. Perfectly willing to believe OP didn't have it in her to make a dish for an event she wasn't even going to attend. Her hubby sounds very oblivious, and in need of a wakeup call. For the record... I had VERY mild reactions to most of my chemo, which at that time they would assign two batteries of chemo treatment. Which they did for the first... month and a half, I think, switching it out every week. First time the second one was used on me, it made my bones hurt. As in, the marrow from my knees to my toes felt like it was on FIRE. The second go round... ALL my soft tissue other than my eyes and tongue felt dipped in a low-grade acid. Anyone who has eaten raw pineapple until their mouth screams for mercy? That. In all my soft tissues. Put up with that for three days, then had grandma take me back into the ER. At which point I got to find out that morphine is expensive saline solution to me. For two hours I asked when that injection was going to kick in, when would the pain go away? They finally broke down and gave me dilaudid, which may be misspelled. The nurses told me it was like a horse tranquilizer. All my meds had two possible side effects listed: hair loss and nausea. I only lost my hair. If you made note of the side effects mentioned above, nausea is not there. Once put on chemo, I didn't throw up more than... 3 times in that year. Nurses told me I had an iron stomach, which I do not believe. I do believe that the meds just didn't make me sick in that way. I am very grateful to not have had a bad reaction to the cancer. The GPs thought I had a flu, or bronchitis. Then cysts or (once in the hospital) tuberculous. I wasn't in pain from the cancer, which may have steered the GPs wrong. My specialist, when I asked him if there were things that should have given away that I was sick with cancer sooner said there weren't such easy signs to spot.

[@tomconner889]

In almost every language the polite greeting is a form of "How do you do?" The answer is "Fine, thank you. And you?" Do we question the integrity of anyone who follows this general pattern? Not everyone should know or even want to know anyone else's troubles. The mother-in-law should know that her son's wife is undergoing chemotherapy. When anyone is sick, good communities provide them with food, NOT ask them to prepare food for others.

[@cchastant8251]

@@tomconner889 Agreed. But MIL didn't seem like the kindly, sympathetic sort, now did she? Hubby is worse, though. He knew, and still didn't try to redirect his own mother.

[@Mimiroo]

My ex used to push and push and push if he ever felt like something was wrong even though most of the time nothing was ever wrong. His refusal to ever believe me would just cause a fight and my mood would go from happy to miserable. Glad to be away from that as it really wasn’t healthy

[@JustanotherMiss]

With the first story it’s the timing for me. Jumping in when the child is at a easier age ie no late nights diapers or terrible twos. Also he probably recently finished Med School fully. Which means he got to skip right past the ‘hard’ times dealing with a baby while juggling school/career all while coming into the child’s life when the child will more easily form an attachment to him maybe it’s too generous to say his family planned it this way but that’s what it feels like to me.

[@saraloverock2010]

“I moved 6 hrs away to raise Daren” yes, YOU are the AH

[@pollypockets508]

Did he move just because he didn't want to be near the ex or because of a job or something? That being said, the guy was absolutely the a-hole.

[@quix66hiya22]

@@pollypockets508 The ex he cheated on. AH.

[@groofromtheup5719]

6 hours? like that is a big deal? that isn't even 1 state of distance. Besides, it sounds like baby mamma #2 is the one that moved away and he followed to try do do a better job with kid #2. He may be a crap father to his first son, but that likely isn't completely on the father. Sounds like the kid wants nothing to do with him when it comes down to it. No making things right at this point no matter how either may try, but it doesn't sound like the father is the total douche that so many are in this situation.

[@donniejefferson9554]

@@groofromtheup5719 6 hours is quite a ways away and it absolutely is at least a state away in most areas. Hell you could drive through basically the entire northeast in 6 hours. Sure it's not like he moved to the other side of the planet but no one is driving 6 hours for regular visits

[@thegreatmilenkograpeflavor1523]

Time stamp if it’s not too much?

[@cutelilkitten96]

I'm from Wisconsin and let me just say... if any family member ordered 2/3 (adults) pizzas with light cheese for a family get together... there would probably be a brawl😂

[@knitwit9447]

For the last story, I'm confused as to why anyone is saying ESH. The stylist is working with sharp implements and NEEDS to pay attention. It was only OP's hair that was cut, luckily, but it doesn't mean the stylist shouldn't be yelled at for doing something that dangerous. I worked at a daycare for a few years and we had this really sweet, calm little kid who came regularly. One day he came in with a bandage over his entire ear, and we were all like what the hell happened?? Apparently, the person cutting his hair was on her phone, talking to other workers, or even looking out the window during the haircut. The mom had been really nervous because it was her first child's first haircut (he was around...three or four) but she said she watched the entire time and he was very still (for a toddler). She ended up cutting off a chunk of his earlobe while distracted. And when I say a chunk, I mean a *chunk*. I haven't seen him in years so I don't know what it looks like, but I'm sure there's some kind of scar or visible remnant, even with how fast earlobes heal. It's alright to be mad about your hair getting fucked up, but it's more reasonable to be angry that someone was using very sharp tools carelessly around your head.

[@lauriemeyer7030]

The recovering addict. It's a weird thing, but sometimes those in addiction try to sabotage those who are trying to stay sober. They don't always want you to stop.

[@YourShadowKeeper]

Chemotherapy can kick your backside. You can feel fine when you first wake up and within an hour or so you may have referred pain that is so bad it's hard to focus on anything else, and come lunchtime you can feel so utterly exhausted - and exhaustion unlike ever before in your life. Then there's the nausea, vomiting, headaches, skin irritations, bruises, constipation, diarrhea like never before, brittle nails and hair, "chemo brain" (brain fog), loss of strength in your hands and legs (you suddenly lose all strength in your hands and drop things), etc. It's hard to explain how horrendous having cancer and going through chemotherapy can be, so you do end up saying "I'm fine", because complaining about it makes it all real. During my chemo my parent friend who was in remission asked me how I was and I automatically said "I'm fine", she looked me dead in the eye and repeated herself "No. How are you, really?" it took everything in me not to burst into tears. It takes a huge toll on you and pretending you're fine all the time doesn't help those around you understand that you need help. After that, I actually listened to my family and told them when I really wasn't okay and needed some space, time, help, etc. Its hard but having support can mean the world to you.

[@fangchick93]

Never out an lgbt+ person. I'm open but not everyone feels safe in being out to everyone. Outing someone without their consent is a major dick move. I'm demipansexual, btw.

[@Yllania]

Im LGBT+ myself and in this instance there was no way around it. You cant come out during someones wedding like that.

[@TheVeggiekat]

If this is related to the story of the uncle outing Jack to his dad, the uncle must have assumed the dad knew since Jack had posted about his boyfriend on social media. Says a lot about how close the dad really was if he didn’t even know about Jack’s social media. I’m saying this because I have someone I love who is not out to everyone and there are rare moments where I feel I have to be very guarded so as not to accidentally out them to someone who doesn’t know.

[@lorifiedler13]

Haircut: I had a similar situation. My stylist was chatting across the salon with a coworker while cutting my hair. She hardly paid attention to my instructions. Got a poor cut and didn't give much a tip. Fortunately my hair grows quick. Wish I had said something to her.

[@germainesmith2940]

NTA sounds like him and his parents want to play grandma and grandpa and dad

[@jamiesheerdon1321]

After 7 years? More like he has graduated medical, getting a job and wants to avoid child support. 🙄

[@GBunnyG]

You always have an upload for me right when I need one. 😊🥰

[@ajplay1380]

Facts

[@RevWarRev]

Custody Drama: Unless the sperm donor signed his rights away in some form OP may not be able to keep the issue out of court. It won't look good for him that he abdicated his financial and emotional parenting to his wealthy parents, but OP really doesn't have the power to simply say, "No" and have it stick. She needs a lawyer, and fast.

[@chaseashley6775]

5:12 isn’t being pro-choose about letting women CHOOSE? She wanted to keep the baby. Screw these people.

[@jackieunderwood4893]

As far as the spinach incident.... For a new dish I tell hubby, if you don't like it tell me or you may be eating it again!! LOL

[@MildredCady]

Re: former alcoholic dad- What if he had not moved and stayed with his first family? Then we’d be getting a post about how the younger kid is upset at him for not “choosing him.” I’m glad that the OP is doing the right thing but he does seem like he would have been wrong whichever choice he made in the past.

[@ED-fo1pe]

Once upon a time, I was a self-checkout attendant, and a customer snapped their fingers at me to get my attention. I just dead stared at them until they sheepishly used their words.

[@chrissy6693]

Miles Trayvon is an adorable name and a good compromise. I'm glad they went with it.

[@1RainDear]

Beautiful combination.

[@MsMookalate]

I actually love the name. This is sounds like a wholesome sweet baby boy name. 🥰

[@formlesscorvid5336]

I don't agree with the thought that Karen won't be a meme when she's older. Specifically because of the word "nimrod." Nimrod was a great hunter in the bible (nobody has to believe in it, this isn't a conversion thing). Due to Christianity being in all of the media, it was a reference easily placed in the mouth of Bugs Bunny. Bugs referred to the hunter chasing him as "Nimrod" sarcastically for his poor hunting skills. Because there are generations who grew up on Looney Toons, and fewer children were expected to know the bible back to back, the name shifted from "Nimrod the great hunter" to "nimrod means dumb fuck" colloquially and is even listed in dictionaries as meaning someone who isn't very smart. I think in the future, people will still have the sense of Karen being a meme or a negative thing. The name needs to stop being given to children for this reason in my humble opinion.

[@tricorvus2673]

@Formless Snow ALL THE YES to your entire comment

[@formlesscorvid5336]

@@tricorvus2673 Thanks!

[@sagejungwirth4155]

Wait, it went from forehead to ear? In other words, she could have cut into your ear? Yes, I'd freak out too, not the a**hole. Oh, and why the hell was she talking to a coworker? Good stylists chat it up with their clients (in my experience anyway).

[@MsMoonDragoon]

imagine if she was using scissors and accidently cut the guys ear off.

[@SilverMaychan]

Exactly

[@raven2795]

Your house your rules. He was so disrespectful to totally disregard your recovery.

[@moi396]

Regarding the all black dresses wedding. Glad this worked out, but this could have been a brilliant malicious compliance story. Some options for the all black dress sleeves, skirt and/or torso made from fishnet, mesh, tulle, or any breezy material. Keyholes, low back, removable panels, tutu skirt with sheer hi-low skirt draped over it so floor length at back, short in front. That said, there are lot of folks in the middle east living in deserts wearing black head to toe, but not suffering heat stroke.

[@mad4cavs]

ive had breast cancer and my husband was the complete opposite but i never hid my side effects.and family rallied wheni needed them to usually a week after chemo.

[@mikilacunningham6259]

36:19 NTA as a black woman it's true don't let him give ur kid a harder start in life for his growing up neutral

[@MsMookalate]

Yes but that plays into the racism too. So both is nta. But I love the name they choose.

[@bellajaid]

I think the worst part of the pizza story is they ordered TWO pizzas to fit one person's preference. I'm the pickiest when it comes to pizza, so we buy one for me and 1-2 for my husband and son. They then get to eat what is left of mine

[@bellajaid]

Spinach post I find funny. They are in the awkward phase, chill out my friends, lol.

[@beegee1960]

It is strange how the concept of elopement has changed. When I was young, if a couple eloped,it meant they went off by themselves and got married usually at a JOP. Now days it is used to denote a very small wedding. Of corse, I am nearly 80, so it has been a long time ago.

[@jamiesheerdon1321]

I'm in my 30s and I had the same understanding of eloping as you do. I don't get how a small wedding can be eloping.

[@D-me-dream-smp]

I love your narration. I find your voice really soothing and the flow of your story telling is great. I find it weird how ppl are blaming the OP going through chemo for being annoyed about the request to cook and hubby accepting. First I’m the type of person who doesn’t like talking about their health status all the time plus often it is easier to just say you are okay to avoid a fuss. Second husband had no right to “accept” a request for someone else without checking, especially knowing she is struggling juggling chemo and family. Do you REALLY need to explain that chemo makes tasks extra tiring (not to mention doctors apptments). Finally it’s annoying how often the wife is automatically expected to provide/fulfil duties for their husbands family as soon as they get married - cooking/buying gifts/babysitting without even being asked if they are willing. I mean why can’t HUBBY cook something?

[@Kelseyzj]

The first story almost had me tearing up! So sweet she is doing the best thing for her daughter!

[@j.graham8068]

How normal is it for a bride to dictate what her guests wear? I can see it for bridesmaids but what? That's way over-controlling.

[@ShiftingFixations]

Within reason, I can see it, right. We all know not to wear white to a wedding. So I get it if the bride opted to wear purple, red, blue, green, etc. and told guests to please avoid wearing whatever color the bride had chosen instead of white. But as soon as it’s color, style, and even SLEEVE LENGTH on the dresses of guests, I find that to be real controlling. I might not wear white to my wedding, when it happens. I’m not hung up on “white symbolizes purity” and I’m very attached to my favorite colors (purple, red, black) and so I don’t see why I shouldn’t look epic in the colors I love on MY day. Given that, I might humbly ask that guests refrain from whatever the major color in my dress ends up being, but otherwise they can do their thing. I’ll be more excited about finally tying the knot with my beloved!

[@francinetitherington4060]

I've been to weddings with Dress Codes but they were fun ones. Star Wars Wedding Cosplay, Halloween costume one, Formal ones where it was wear your favorite best, Snow wedding outside so wear your warmest puffy snow suits- jeans and swearers or flannels for indoor reception, all black or white .....bridal party wore Red. These were all phone.

[@daniellediller5070]

And the best part Miles is also the name of the newest spiderman!

[@NunyaDammeBiznis]

Story 2 - Sister's wedding, sister's rules. I would tell her if that's the way it has to be, then I will not be there. My body, my rules. Do not "suck it up."

[@groofromtheup5719]

She was a fool for not having him terminate his parental rights as part of the deal.

[@BUGt95.]

Signing your parental rights away doesn't mean that you won't have to pay child support.

[@misty4937]

I am glad the brothers are talking again. In CA, since alcohol n Weed are legal, I can understand the younger brother not realizing how much a temptation it would be for older brother.

[@MsKaz1000]

As someone with the name Karen, it makes me so sad that because of a stupid meme a perfectly normal and long historic name is just being dismissed

[@omegasobsessions]

He LEGALLY abandoned his daughter, he will not have a hope in hell of getting custody through Court without the mom agreeing.

[@dawnsharp8524]

Re: guy kicking brother out: I had a friend move in with me and it turned out he was a serious alcoholic. I had to draw my lines. I couldn't stop him drinking, but I could stop him drinking in my house. He challenged me one night. He was a physically strong personal trainer and I was a middle-aged woman who, though working out regularly, didn't meet his strength. We got nose to nose and I said if he didn't give me the alcohol in my house for destruction, he could leave. He said no, I said I'm calling the cops. He relented, because he knew I was firm on the rules. My house, my rules. The following summer after he moved out, I was cleaning out my shed and discovered empty vodka bottles in the shed. He HAD chosen to follow my rules, even when I wasn't home. Not in the house. He finally got sober and we stayed friends.

[@ZombieSazza]

“You need to give your ex a chance” No. He hasn’t been there in SEVEN YEARS, you are NTA!

[@katwitanruna]

Speaking as a costumer... there are some interesting ways to make a black dress cool and comfy and still be long and long sleeves.

[@bluexwings]

Really? Can you give us some tips? :)

[@katwitanruna]

@@bluexwings A make it out of linen B make the sleeves so that they have a slit down the entire sleeve, it’s still long but.... C make the sleeve out of a sheer material D wear a circle or hoop skirt and make sure what you’re wearing under it doesn’t touch your legs E backless with a slit up the side

[@katwitanruna]

That’s off the top of my head after just waking and no caffeine.

[@blondie7740]

The woman suffered an eating disorder and was being harassed and bullied. I am sorry that you are dealing with that, and I am happy to hear that you are on the road to being healthy again. Please do not let those stupid, ahole people cause a relapse. You have fought so hard to be where you are, do not give them the power of causing a relapse. I wish you all the best.

[@fedupmomma1309]

For the woman dealing with chemo & MIL... has any of the people commenting been through cancer treatments/diagnosis themselves? Saying ur fine or that ur okay is normal for any chronic I'll person. You don't want to be a burden. The husband is the AH & so is MIL. I'm permanently disabled broke my cancer treatments. Yes I almost died from blood loss after my cancerous tumor ruptured & they had to do very aggressive treatments to stop the bleeding & shrink the mass. It put me into instant menopause at 29 also. When u go from a very independent person to barely being able to take care of urself & family you loose a part of you. Unless you have had/have cancer you can't say anything about "if they would say they were fine, they are the ones to blame" bullshit

[@samaryechic]

My exact thoughts!!

[@cchastant8251]

If someone is cutting MY hair and wants to talk, I can live with that as long as they keep their eyes on their work. They are using tools that could break the skin, and even small head wounds bleed like no one's business. Blood is considered a biohazard. This ESH judgment seems to let the stylist off easy. Yeah, OP was a jerk about it, but I'm calling it Justified A-Hole on his side. What if he had AIDS or some other blood transferred disease, and she had open cuts on her hands? Wouldn't that have been far, far worse than (likely two) dressing downs and needing to find another job? If you can't multitask, focus on what you need to do. It really could save your own life. Dramatic, but true.

[@HostileTakeover2]

Eloping is always good. Whether to continue with a formal ceremony... if you flat-out cancel a couple of weeks beforehand and have a bunch of people flying in on their own dime, YTA. Just maybe change it to a reception.

[@misty4937]

Pizza Story - 🍕 NTA. If the hosts specifically ask you what kind of pizza you want and then order that awful pizza and 2 of them, the proceed to give the full cheese pizza to the children (smart move) but it left one chicken pizza for everyone else. You did good to feed the rest of the family. FYI, I hate pepper and onions. Sometimes the smell alone will turn me off other foods.

[@soulmie519]

hair cut story had me ROLLING OMG 🤣 I don’t think I’ve laughed that hard in a while

[@susanlosey9511]

Strike 3 your out! NTA! He’s addicted to weed and addicts don’t care for any one but themselves! NTA! You gave him simple rules to follow. He broke them. Stay strong!

[@Me-wk3ix]

On the weight loss post, it's fine to invite everyone to participate in a competition like that. But weight is a very personal thing. If OP said "no thanks", it should have been respected the very first time. Maybe you say something like, "okay, well there's room if you change your mind.", but that should be it. No means no.

[@trishallain6503]

NOT THE A- HOLE! As another friend of Bill &Bob you absolutely did the right thing to keep your sobriety.

[@frazzledhaloz3184]

As a former hairdresser! This is inexcusable.

[@sophiaheilig7669]

1st story: he can't just ask for split custody, the child does not know him. He should have asked for visits instead of going straight to custody

[@melmelbry5754]

If he's right off the bat saying that crap, he fully intends to take over the kid in the future. That is so dangerous and he has WAY more money for better lawyers. It's going to end badly.

[@Grouchbox]

The triplet OP is ESH. The aunt was out of line, but OP was deliberately very cruel.

[@emilyallen2868]

With the hair one, my hair is my security blanket I panic even getting a trim. Having someone accidently screw up my hair would cause me panic and anxiety until it grew back. Hair might just be hair to some people but to others its security or the one part of their body that they've had full autonomy of

[@germainesmith2940]

NTA she doesn't want anyone taking the attention away from her on her day .Well if you pass out from heat stroke then guess what there go's her attention no one will be looking at her they will be focus on you .

[@brandonshelp4682]

Well, well, well... if it isn't the consequences of my own actions.

[@amandaslamm5703]

This is so weird. The dad should have reached out more tentatively. Like could he meet her? The guy sounds like a spoiled brat but I think that he might have an ulterior motive.

[@reneecollier5034]

I just can't understand how people are always thinking: other people are paying for MY wedding, blah, blah. There's not one person on the planet who wants to give you money for you to have it "your way." Most will want 'something.' Don't do complicated. Do what YOU can afford and be happy!

[@Cantloss4]

Regarding the pizza one, my family invites me to pizza too and they know I hate white sauce, it gives me a stomach ache and would typically just get a pepperoni pizza but guess what? I eat it and don’t complain because I’m not the one that is eating it and i was raised to eat what is given to you when you are a guest at someone’s house

[@emceeourtney]

Its not really an elopement if you tell and invite family; there needs to be some level of secrecy for that - its true that they did essentially just change it to a small destination wedding instead. *Edit - Nvm OP addressed it lol but its true, and their family may have been more receptive if they didn't call it that

[@ladyv5655]

The only mistake the OP made was not having her baby daddy having him sign an agreement to terminate his parental rights.

[@lorifiedler13]

Birthday cake - she saved his ass with the daughter. He should be grateful, not pissed.

[@michaelplunkett8059]

And then he busted himself by his kitchen tantrum.

[@ladyv5655]

For the black dress wedding, I would have dressed like Morticia Adams. I mean, it's a long black dress with long sleeves, right. Of course, I would have to wear the black wig, too.

[@michaelplunkett8059]

Classic

[@kirtemoon529]

Guy: “am I really such an ass for contacting my ex?” Markee: *yes*

[@tamsinmoore2111]

Story Two: Exactement Markee! Just what I was thinking, putting two lives in jeopardy because of a dress code? Ludicrous!

[@kiriynachisano7083]

That last one, I agree everyone sucks here, but I can understand the guys reaction. My brother was very much the same way with his hair, wanting it a certain way. When he was little a stylist who wasn't paying attention cut his ear with the clippers, he had a huge scar on his ear and no trust for anyone trying to cut his hair for years. The guy is lucky that the worst that happened was his hair being screwed. That being said, we need to hold ourselves back, and whatever we are feeling in a moment doesn't give us the right to berate, belittle or attack another. Being upset doesn't excuse us from our response.

[@kixxenwalla167]

She should lose her job. She wasn't paying attention to her client while she had razers to their face? It doesn't matter if it had a comb or guard, which it doesn't sound like they did with how close the shave was. I wouldn't trust them either. I probably wouldn't have screamed at them, but I would have done exactly as the OP did and asked for and hairdresser. I honestly would have started crying. Not only is my hair a huge part of me in the sense that it's a point of pride, but also because I was forced to have the worst haircuts when I was young. I had no choice when it came to my hair, and I remember it as a way my abusive mother got to publicly humiliate me. I never trusted a hair dresser after all the times I'd ask for what I wanted and they'd ask my mother behind my back(a trim to blend my awful, matted, oily bangs that didn't fit my face and was a way to grab me by the roots of my hair and face the person grabbing). One time, my mother forced me to dye my hair red. I'm allergic to red dye and my scalp was in constant irritation and shedding. I'd scratch my head and fistfuls of it would come out in a stringy mess of dead skin and bled when I took a shower. The girls at my school would laugh and rip out my hair for fun. My scalp is still sensitive even though it's been years and I've been on my own hair care routine. It took me years to find a hairdresser that I trusted enough, calm, patient, focused. They consistently ask me if it's the way I wanted and they did so not even knowing my history or me asking them to do so. They proudly display their degrees. They're relatively cheap. And yes, I tip them almost the same amount as the cut itself cost me.

[@narcissesfreeman2940]

Hi Markee. The last story: I had a stylist many years ago who was a heavy smoker. Long and short of it he ended up burning me. I was not happy. 😡😤😠 However I didn't go off on him. I gave him an unpleasant look while he apologized profusely. After that he was a lot more careful with the cigs, with me as well as other clients. Lessons learned...I hope! 😉