r/AmITheA**Hole For Throwing My Daughter A Second Birthday Party?

[@eph2vv89only1way]

Story 1: NTA. You aren’t excluding Molly because she has special needs. You are not inviting her because you don’t want another party ruined. And a redo party is the perfect solution to make up for the ruined party. Not only are you NTA, you are being an excellent parent.

[@naruto456431]

I have a disability and if I acted that poorly at someone’s party I was invited to as a courtesy guest to be nice I would’ve expected never to be invited again

[@sailorathena17]

It’s funny my name is Molly and my disability has some ups and downs however I’d never make a host uncomfortable, I admit it was hard socially however now I’m older and I’m more mature and try harder

[@sarahsbakingcreations]

Everyone commenting on the second story needs to chill. The OP may be the a**hole, but that is no excuse for their VILE behavior!

[@gojewla]

I always make sure there is plenty of molly at my birthday party!

[@nerdygeekgamer5528]

I agree with you 100% OP isn't excluding anyone she's just making it up to her daughter for how the actual party went and her daughter and the her friend's were very patient and didn't complain about it and OP'S daughter didn't say anything like " Huugh MOLLY this my BIRTHDAY PARTY and your ruining it" they sucked it up and op promised her a somewhat redo not the whole party just the movie she really wanted and a pizza for dinner that's all it's not an idiot move not matter what OP'S significant other thinks and she did right by Molly by having her come to her daughter's party I'm sure it's not easy being the new kid having to make new friend's and having your whole life up routed and having a disability I'm sure doesn't help matter's. I have a family friend who has the same disability as Molly and she and her late husband never had kids it wasn't because of cerebral palsy it was because her husband was sterile so they adopted me and my brother and my cousin's on my mom's side of the family as their grand kid's because my mom and her five sibling's became their children and my mom's parent's didn't mind two extra hand's in raising my mom and her two brother's and three sister's.

[@sandragarner2912]

Molly-tov cocktail: Your spouse doesn't seem to understand that you invited Molly. You are not wrong to set up the re-do. You are actually rewarding your daughter for being a true lady about the ruined evening. Good parenting!

[@eph2vv89only1way]

Love the nickname! Lol And right on with your judgment

[@laurenc4138]

Haha the name was cute, but this exactly! It’s not a re-do it’s just another sleepover with girls the daughter knows better to see a movie molly wasn’t interested in. Op is a wonderful mother and her daughter will turn into a lovely young lady for being gracious and inclusive. Hopefully she still hangs out with molly occasionally but maybe in a less stimulating environment and one-on-one so she can get comfortable. Being the new girl at that age is tough in general, and if molly is struggling with developmental issues it makes it a lot harder, she was probably nervous and scared and couldn’t control her emotions, but a lot of that will calm down in time and she’ll learn to cope, but the inclusion and even sometimes the exposure to these types of “uncontrolled” situations is actually helpful for her development. The family sounds like they’re good people, except for the partner that just sounds like he wants to act holier than thou when he had literally nothing to do with the daughters birthday.

[@TheRockinDonkey]

Partner sounds like a knob

[@D-me-dream-smp]

There is absolutely NO way it’s olives in the box. I was trying to figure out what drugs would need to be stored in the fridge. Definitely sounds dodgy

[@justinbullock6042]

Acid?

[@wsn111]

Agree. Not olives

[@kumikor3392]

Husband might be a serial killer 😬 that's creepy and weird

[@brianlawson3757]

LSD is often stored cold and out of light.

[@platinumaether8198]

Dead person?

[@deepindigo1937]

1st story: Op is not the AH, the girl took her ruined party like a champ and didnt fuss about it, while it might be unfortunate for molly to not be invited, forcing the daughter into a relation with her would grow resentment instead of teaching her to be kind and patient

[@ninaross211]

SHE DEFINITELY DESERVES A DO OVER !!! SHE RAISING A WONDERFUL DAUGHTER !,,, HUSBAND SHOULD HAVE BEEN VERY PROUD !! THESE DAYS OTHER CHILDREN WOULD HAVE SAID =. SHE SHOULDER HAVE 2 BABYSITTER A SPECIAL NEEDS GIRL !! NOT EVEN HER FRIEND. BECAUSE ITS HER DAY

[@MaryTheresa1986]

Story 1: NTA. If OP's partner is that concerned about Molly, he can hang out with her while OP, her daughter, and the daughter's go out. OP's partner is a twit. The daughter isn't obligated by law to be Molly's minder.

[@D-me-dream-smp]

Better yet invite Molly to HIS next birthday party

[@MaryTheresa1986]

@@D-me-dream-smp 💯

[@mesquitemagic]

Is anyone else picturing Morgan Freeman shouting to Brad Pitt, "DON'T OPEN THE BOX" ?

[@wingingit7177]

Actually I was picturing Brad Pitt yell What's in the box?!?

[@tanyadebeer4836]

I was thinking Bluebeard and his previous wives, but that was awesome.

[@deupree29]

Omg this scene so much in my mind the whole story

[@laurenc4138]

I just commented I swear I think that whole post was a troll post to get someone to comment “op, WHATS IN THE BOXXXXXX” lmao

[@Khaisz.]

Story 1. NTA in anyway. OP was nice to include the new kid, did her best, tried to take care of the new kid when the kid had "episodes?", it didn't go perfectly, and now she is making it up to daughter for the missing movie. Everything OP did was perfect.

[@PowerStruggle555]

"sometimes life isnt fair" yeah but her party was ruined. Molly cant be blamed because of her disability....circumstances ruined the party. a redo is fair

[@Me-wk3ix]

Exactly. I mean, as an adult if a night at the movies got ruined, I might have a redo as well.

[@ginathecookie]

Exactly

[@iamhungey12345]

Plus just because life isn't fair it doesn't mean one can't do something about it.

[@PowerStruggle555]

@@iamhungey12345 life is unfair....shit can happen and ruin things....but if you can undo it or redo it....then do it

[@iamhungey12345]

@@PowerStruggle555 Exactly!

[@rapunzelmane9592]

The jerk husband would presumably want Molly to invite the class bully to her birthday party because it would be 'discriminatory' to exclude them.

[@anthonycrowley2264]

Molly wasn't the daughter, Molly was the girl with cerebral palsy that the mom made the daughter invite to her party

[@eph2vv89only1way]

If it really is olives, why would the friend need to hire an olive sitter? I mean, I don’t get anyone to cookie sit my baking or any other food I make. Who on earth does?

[@laurenc4138]

Seriously if they absolutely couldn’t leave the fridge… why didn’t his friend stick them in their fridge then? He’s doing something shady for sure and the medicine for addiction was the most plausible explanation I think for what’s actually happening, no one cares that much about their friends olives, especially since he was storing them wrong. I think his passed weird actions were him hiding his stashes around the house.

[@demonheart13]

I hired my nephew to watch the cookies I made for Halloween (promised him $5 specifically because I know that of all the people in the house, he's the one most likely to eat them. I have to drop half off about half of them at my aunt's tomorrow and the other half are for the house. But I told him they were all for our aunt and so I needed some to make sure they were all there for tomorrow. (Ain't did pay me for ingredients of her half of cookies)

[@hodgeelmwood8677]

Especially considering he "checks on them" several times a day. If that was really a box of olives why would he need to do that?

[@laurenc4138]

@@demonheart13 but like that’s fine when you’re trying to get a kid not to eat a treat but these are grown men and one of them apparently was away for a week so why not leave them in his own house where he’s sure no one will touch the . The husband is straight up lying and he’s not even good at it

[@Daftedsans]

@@laurenc4138 yeah, but OP isn't great at seeing the lies either. Olives need to be in fridge? Ok...OK.... so why can't they just sit in his fridge? Thays the exact sentence that would blow down the lie, or something similar. I get trusting your spouse, but don't trust stupid reasons

[@BankruptMonkey]

Olive story: If the husband is always overprotective of shoes and other random things his friends stash at his place that doesn't mean everything has always been innocent; maybe he's always been a drug mule or a spy or something crazy the whole time.

[@Ann_Wall-Chiasson]

It did seem pretty sketchy

[@laurenc4138]

Yeah I honestly think the “friend” he was holding things for had been his dealer and he was stashing drugs in random places op wouldn’t look. The box is probably methadone like someone said and he had a pill turned H problem. I used to pass one of those clinics going to work and I’d see the people all coming out with their lock boxes/little coolers so it makes sense it would be that. He could’ve been hiding this stuff from her his whole marriage That is if the post is even real, the fact that she acted soooo stupid and refused to look in the box makes me think it was a troll post to get engagement or to see if someone would quote the movie seven with the whole “what’s in the boxxxx” thing ya know? I feel like it was probably a troll post but if it wasn’t lord help that woman because she’s either a moron or too naive to function in this world.

[@okayoc1545]

drugs or a series killer 😂

[@demonheart13]

I'd totally call the cops and tell them my husband has a sketchy metal box in the fridge that he claims is olives. I demand a drug squad get down here right now to confirm I'm not married to a drug runner or serial killer. Then again, if he's running drugs, it might be that she relies on him for financial support. Before she looks in that box, she needs to prepare to lose her husband and change her life.

[@Manhandle730]

@@demonheart13 wow you are a terrible person. Hopefully you mature greatly and change your character flaws before you marry someone.

[@Me-wk3ix]

Hmm. Husband is always super protective when he's watching his friend's things? That could be. I just can't think of many times I've given random stuff to a friend to watch at their house for me. I don't know. Just adding that to the metal box of "olives" in the fridge that husband's friend needed "watched", and the equation is adding up to drug dealer for me.

[@sunbreaktheghost]

Also the Wife kind of seems in denial with not wanting to look or ask.

[@eph2vv89only1way]

Story 2: The husband’s secrecy and overreacting about the box is extremely sus

[@grootsChannel]

He has a pretty big amogus vibe

[@PowerStruggle555]

I myself have CP, not as bad as Molly but when I was a kid Im sure everyone would say I was a handful due to my disability. the best thing to do is did what OP did. tried to include Molly but be aware she can have outbursts and try to calm her. OP is NTA because it was her daughter's birthday and did try. you cant ruin a child's birthday

[@GDitto]

Not to mention it seems like Molly’s parents left her there with no instructions, knowing full-well it would be too much (seems they didn’t even care to see which movies they were seeing and if they’d be appropriate for her), and became unreachable so they could have a break. They’re the only AH here.

[@moakristenssom936]

@@GDitto Yeah. I imagine the parents underplayed how severe Mollys outbursts were when they asked OP to invite Molly, so that she would accept.

[@amieanderson9827]

@@GDitto yes my daughter has special needs and as a parent you know whats good for them or not, seemed to me Mollys mum just wanted a night off ! She should have told the other mum or arranged for her to be there for a few hours and then Molly may of had a chance of building friendships.

[@katieb.1184]

as a parent, I'd rather know ahead of time the info she got after... I would HATE to invite a kid over and have their stress levels up the whole time because I didn't know they'd be overstimulated, y'know? I think Molly's parents are the closest to ahole in the story for not sharing about how the plans might upset her that much. In that case specifically, I'd have switched to an in-home movie night and done what they did as the "do-over" later... when we have parties, I send the invite with "let me know if there are allergies or worries" when I first meet people

[@heathermcdonald9469]

Hmm, for the “olives” story… I bet the box actually contains Charlie the Unicorn’s stolen kidney!

[@geekfreak2000]

Gemology is a science, even if it's a deeply commercialized one. Do I think it's on par with something like engineering or medicine? Absolutely definitely not. But is it science? Yes.

[@supergeeky7529]

this!

[@allisonmarciszyn8716]

I'd argue it's not a science, it's a skill. A skill that requires training, but not a science. If the sister is certified to grow artificial gemstones in a lab or search out for mineral deposits on a geology expedition, she could argue being a scientist, even with a base education in gemology. Grading jewelry and being certified to assist customers is not being a scientist, it's being a quality control technician at best. A phlebotomist is trained to take blood but they aren't considered a scientist. A drug sales rep needs to understand biology but they are not a scientist. There are science adjacent jobs that exist without making them a scientist and do not make one 'STEM.'

[@rohalexander1283]

Gemology or gemmology is the science dealing with natural and artificial gemstone materials. It is a geoscience and a branch of mineralogy.

[@allisonmarciszyn8716]

@@rohalexander1283 Yes, we can read. Some gemologists do engage in science research, most are sales reps. To call gemology a STEM field is self-delusion. Your jewelry salesperson is using more science than an astrologer, but would you call your hairstylist a person in STEM? Because there is a heck of a lot more science involved coloring your hair than helping you pick a gemstone. But your hairstylist is not really doing anything to advance the science of haircolor unless they are perhaps working for Clairol to develop those dyes and testing them out. Is your landscaper STEM? They work with plants, they know about plant placement, and there is a possibility they are carrying out plant growth experiments to determine the best plant for every need, but they are more likely just reading trade journals if that. There are undoubtedly gemologists doing science, and they have training in geology, chemistry, perhaps physics. They didn't take one quick certification course to do that. That gemologist in the shop helping you pick out your diamond does have skill and knowledge, but that doesn't make them STEM anymore than the hairstylist or the landscaper, and to be honest, being a shrewd salesperson is the greater skill set they are using. Useful, respectable, but not STEM.

[@allisonmarciszyn8716]

Also, there are online gemology certification classes on sale right now for $16. Go learn for less than an hour and come back to tell us about your new career in STEM.

[@Gah2Kylie]

3rd story...uni-brow...if daughter is happy, then you did the right thing. I have 2 kids, and would have done the same. Dad, girls are sensitive about appearance and bullying. Daughter is happy. That should be enough for Dad.

[@jmarie9997]

The first story is an example of "Don't try to force friendships". All she did was make her daughter resent Molly.

[@ettinakitten5047]

It doesn't sound like the daughter resented Molly, but she probably will if her dad forces her to invite Molly to the redo party.

[@nightdweller6446]

1st NTA the first invite was genuine. Molly wasn't excluded. But a make-up movie night to see the movie they wanted to see but Molly would probably freak out at and wouldn't enjoy isn't a jerk move. It'd be reasonable. 2nd. WTF? what the hell is in the bloody box? I 've never turned off a fridge to clean it in my life. But whatever floats your boat. NTA. on the box, DH is waaay sus on this damn "olive"bix JeeperCreepers reply cracked me so far up, I spat my coffee ☕ 🙃 3rd NTA. Kids deserve a bully free life 4th YTA x 1000. Wow, science snob much? Where is it acceptable to disrespect the achievement of gaining a degree then furthering that knowledge by completing other courses? Science and maths aren't the centre of universe.

[@k.d.1050]

Story 1: NTA The girl is only 12 once. It's nice to let her have something normal considering the last couple years have been so weird because of Covid.

[@bob8mybobbob]

If Cruella was too scary a movie Black Widow would also be too scary. Not inviting Molly isn’t leaving her out, it’s doing what was initially promised without someone who would have a miserable time. Also, obviously gemology is a science. OP just kept talking about the end result of her work, people buying fancy jewelry, as if it invalidated the work she did. If it was easy, you wouldn’t need to take courses and get certified.

[@geekfreak2000]

I'm naked around my cat all the time. It's not a big deal. He dosen't wear clothes at all, so how is him seeing me naked an issue? Op makes no sense...

[@ginathecookie]

Seems like OP is just jealous

[@Katie-bx3jb]

Gemology is, by definition, a science and is a stem field. Imagine watching your sibling struggle to find a career/education they’re comfortable with and diminishing their accomplishments the first time you hear them gushing about their job. Even if you don’t think it’s on par with the rest of your family, it’s not difficult to just shut up sometimes

[@MeetTheALFFam]

I know right, she said her sister has always felt like the black sheep of the family because she wasn't as good in science, hmmm wonder where she got that idea? Jk, it's obvious. It's like parents used to say if you don't have nothing nice to say don't say anything at all

[@jemase7931]

Yes, it is OK to exclude people. Shall people give up hiking because other people are in wheelchairs? Shall people give up reading because other people are blind? Shall people give up their pet cats and dogs because other people have allergies?

[@XEveryoneLovesEmilyX]

Yeah, they teied amd ot didn't work ot...they can try again in a year or so. That doesn't mean the girl can't have fun for the rest of her school years. You should reward good behavior and not punish her

[@junesrath7192]

In the story about the allergies. I think everyone skipped on the part where they said "I have a long list of food allergies" I don't know about you, but people like that generally don't tell the server if they think what they're eating is safe, because if the list is long enough, there's LITERALLY no point in listing all of those allergies to avoid it. 99% of servers are overworked and opperating on autopilot, and possibly won't even remember all of that, and not automatically be like "oh yea I caught every one of those allergies and I know every ingredient in every menu item so here's what you can eat" so no she's not the asshole. (Also no hate on servers, I used to be one for 2 years.)

[@troubleinthevalley5884]

The last story I heard on KZbin about a box in a freezer that was never allowed to be opened and when it finally was (decades later!) there was a dead baby in it!

[@snowflakeslayer4354]

You never set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm

[@paden1865able]

I get the impression that there was something other than olives in the box.

[@lesleykruijt8580]

Two stories have the same problem. The unibrow story: dad forgot that it is also possible that you do because YOU like it. The makeup-less bride story: if you don't like make-up, that's fine. If you like make-up, that's fine. The husband has as much right to criticise make-up preferences on someone else, as the wife has: NONE! Both the dad, the wife and the husband are doing the same thing wrong: don't force YOUR beauty standards on someone else...

[@nettiebednarikova3079]

To be fair the wife had dickish attitude. The fact she started preaching about how they are liars, when they were make-up feels like she is the Not-like-other-girls type. Make up is an art form. I mean some people like to draw or paint, some do not. People shouldn’t be forced into drawing. But for someone who doesn’t enjoy the art form to riddicule a painter is a dick move.

[@lesleykruijt8580]

@@nettiebednarikova3079 indeed! The dad and the boyfriend did the same thing tho, but in the other direction, that was what I meant to say. I think we mean the same thing, but I wasn't very clear about it 😅

[@yaff1851]

Unibrow: Father has a point when protecting his daughter from peer pressure into beauty standards. Mother has a point when trying to prevent bullying whatever may. No one’s a bad person. However, mother wins the tie break by taking her daughter‘s wishes into account instead of the „she’s too young“ excuse.

[@kittebetta]

Take your daughter out again for her birthday .. it was not her fault. You love your daughter, take her and her friends out. It's called 'love for your daughter'. Go out again.. 💖

[@standinthegsp6858]

Did Molly’s mom let you know she was prone to breakdowns & over-stimulation? Does Molly have an aide? Most children I’ve seen with the level of care you described have aides that assist them with care. If this is the case, Molly should have had the aide with her.

[@piiinkDeluxe]

I also thought it sounded like OP didn't get a heads up from mollymon

[@tegantalks9612]

1:54:25 you are playing into the wicked step mother stereotype. Your daughter broke the statue but you’re making your step daughter pay for it because your daughter was under her care. Sounds like you need to address your child’s behavioural issues and stop pushing her on a 16 year old. If my ex did this with my kid I would be furious too. YTA

[@geekfreak2000]

It's not okay to exclude people for being different, but it IS ok to exclude them for being a jerk. Op NTA

[@Vosia71]

Yeah the nightshade family causes a surprisingly large number of allergies. I work in culinary and the moment she said allergies I knew where this was going. I try to make sure to change my gloves more than I need to. Even if it's not one of the main 9 allergins. You also never ever add anything not listed on the ingredients or menue even if you think it will make it better.

[@oliviaksiag6163]

The wife not looking into the box reminds me of that scene in Tangled where Eugene asks Rapunzel why she never ran away, but then they get chased by guards before she could answer.

[@standinthegsp6858]

To let your daughter continue to be bullied for something correctable would be abusive.

[@Khaisz.]

45:25 NTA, if a store/dinner/restaurant list ingredients, you expect those ingredients, and not that they add secret ingredients. Either you list all, or just the main one like "chicken" or "beef" and have people ask about the other salad ingredients. you don't list lettuce, onion, cheese, beef, bbq dressing on a beef sandwich and then add Bell pepper, Tomatoes, Olives, garlic and act surprised that people will complain about the extra ingredients not listed.

[@rustym40]

I have an allergy to Mushrooms. I went to a new Chef owned restaurant in my town. I read through the menu and all of the entrees had some form of mushrooms in it. I left before I even ordered. I was already tearing up and having problems breathing (It can trigger asthma attacks).

[@grootsChannel]

@@rustym40 that sucks :(

[@normajeanettevaughn425]

Restaurants don't list all ingredients and some keep their recipies close but you can speak up and say.....does it have tomatoes?

[@cheyennetrumbos]

@@normajeanettevaughn425 uhhhh... yes they do. For allergy reactions. If they list some ingredients, they list them all.

[@mezzokitty247]

Yeah, I honestly don’t understand the number of people in the Reddit comments saying that it was OP’s fault that she “couldn’t be bothered to ask the waiter about if there were tomatoes if her allergies were that bad”. I would maybe be able to understand this if only the name of the wrap was listed and none of what was on it was listed. The menu literally listed ALL of the ingredients used EXCEPT for the tomatoes. She had no reason to believe they would put tomatoes on her wrap when it wasn’t listed along with lettuce and the other stuff. There’s a good chance that if she had thought of that beforehand and asked and there were not any tomatoes on it, the waiter would’ve acted weird with her since tomatoes were clearly not listed with the rest of the ingredients. Why would a restaurant think it is a good idea to leave a big ingredient of a simple wrap or sandwich of all things off of the menu and basically “surprise” a customer with it? Also the fact that the owner just acted like her allergy concerns were not valid enough to apologize and offer to remake her food for free, and the obvious retaliation done by taking more time in order to purposely burn her remade wrap. The 1-star was fully deserved.

[@claraborisov01]

😆 I'm naked around my cats. Who cares, I'm comfortable that way.

[@gojewla]

Did you ever think your cats might care? 🤣

[@demonheart13]

I wish I had your balls, I love being naked but my cat has to be out of eyesight. She's not violent, but she does knead with claws and my naked exposed thigh doesn't strips torn out. I remember my bf was naked on the bed and he no left the door cracked. Our cat jomp on the bed and landed so close to his junk that he went saprano for a full minute and claimed he couldn't move. It was hilarious.

[@walkz007]

I don't trust my cat or those claws I could never🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@geekbabe100]

It sounds like there wasp enough discussion about Molly’s limitations. before inviting her. She might have done better coming for pizza & cake. A sleepover & double feature movie might have indeed been too overwhelming for her.

[@Wandervenn]

Yeah, I know OP defended Molly's mom in not answering the phone, but she still probably should have offered to chaperone along with OP just in case so there was someone who knew Molly's limitations and how to calm her better. At the very least she should have talked more to OP about what to do in such a situation or, as you said, known her daughter's limits herself and planned to pick her daughter up early.

[@andreabergstrom983]

That box does not containing olives. Perhaps it is methadone or another kind of meds that must be kept cool, perhaps there is some kind of explosive that has to be kept at low temperatures. Perhaps your husband does have an opioid problem. I would worry a lot. I would also open the box. If it is olives (highly unlikely) no harm, no foul. If it is something more sinister, you need to deal with that-either by confronting the husband, calling the police, or taking whatever the appropriate action is. Also with regard to cleaning the fridge, food can go bad if it is repeatedly left out at room temperature. Put your food in travel coolers to keep them cool. Reusable "ice replaces" can be put in the coolers to ensure the coolers stay cold. If you have no coolers and don't want to buy them, buy a few styrofoam coolers-very cheap. If they get damaged, just toss the out. They are that cheap.

[@Keeper0fmyHEART]

The box has he eye balls for all the victims the husband and friend murdered.

[@lenax9798]

I had my birthday ruined when I was a teenager by a boy who I am no longer friends with. He threw temper tantrums bc he had eaten his candy in one go and no one wanted to share with him. He got sulky because my mom bought me a gift at the gift shop and the other kids bought something too but he didn't have enough money for something really big he wanted (some stuffed animal if I remember correctly), then when walking home, the wind blew him umbrella the wrong side and he started crying that his mom would get really mad (he was screaming and crying and making a whole scene) to the point even my mom told him to get over it and that his mom, her friend, wouldn't get mad over such an insignificant thing. Then we walked past a fair with rides and candy stores and me and my friends wanted to go. My mom said okay, because it was my birthday so she made an exception on this day. Well, the boys mom called and asked when he'd be home and he said soon, which meant we'd have to go home. Keep in mind, his mom and my mom are good friends and his mom never really cared when he got home as long as he ws with someone she knew so he did this on purpose. My mom knew, I knew and everyone else was mad at him for ruining the party with his whining and childish behavior to which he threw another tantrum where he said everyone was bullying him and no one liked him, basically throwing himself a pitty party. Long story short, To this day, I am still angry with him for ruining my special day because he wasn't in the spotlight but my mom made it up to me by buying me a way bigger gift that year. (for those curious, no, this boy never changed and its one of the biggest reasons why I cut him out of my life) Every child deserves a good birthday and if one child ruins it, they deserve a do over. Also, please don't invite special needs kids to parties without knowing how to care for them and knowing what they need and talking with the parents about how to avoid meltdowns and other problems. This is coming from someone with special needs.

[@tanyadebeer4836]

Second story: is anyone else getting 'Bluebeard' vibes from not being allowed to look in the box?

[@akiadima3814]

1.NTA Along with actually getting her birthday party she might learn that you can be nice to someone and include them in the moment, and still get the opportunity to have the same good time you wanted later. Rather than thinking "let's not invite this person since this occasion will only happen once" . It sucks while it happens but there is always later.

[@gl8172]

Partner in the first story doesn't sound like someone who is "obsessed with fairness," he sounds like someone who is overcompensating in an attempt to accomodate Molly... that or he's just cheap and doesn't want to spend money on a second party, and this is an excuse. Life is unfair and sometimes things that happen can't be fixed, but the adults were the ones who made it unfair, and they do have the ability to fix it. Just throwing their hands up and saying "welp that's life, better luck next year" instead of taking responsibility for the crap they caused would be a pretty big ahole move.

[@PowerStruggle555]

had to look it up....yeah Gemology is considered a part of STEM OP is like Sheldon Cooper on Big Bang Theory...he does the same thing with Engineers or other types of science

[@VSE4me1]

Story 1 - OP is not the AH. If Cruella was overwhelming to Molly, watching Black Widow will almost certainly trigger another meltdown. It’s simply inappropriate for a child with her emotional issues. Inviting Molly to a quiet play date would be a nice gesture and more manageable for her.

[@MadScientist-R.N.]

They tried and it failed. Why force your child to be friends with a disabled person when they have no relationship???

[@Nikki_81]

That comment about the methadone is so so true ... even the powder can be absorbed through the skin .... when we use to mix it we had to wear a mask, shield and gloves ... its pretty toxic!! Also, some chemicals used for mixing meth also need to be kept cool!! So that box could he volatile!!! Don't touch it at all!!! I would also say get a nalaxone kit as well, just in case!!

[@shirleyanneyoung955]

I’m sorry for asking and please excuse my ignorance but what is nalaxone and why should op get a nalaxone kit?

[@Nikki_81]

@@shirleyanneyoung955 Hello Shirley Anne, A nalaxone kit is an antidote or reversal drug for narcotics/opioids. If someone does overdose and stops breathing etc, a shot of nalaxone, (or several), is something that can be given to help counteract the opioid they took! It can be the difference between life or death! It can get the person breathing again so they make it to the hospital for further medical attention! CPR can only do so much, and realistically is not performed correctly when a bystander does it. So having a nalaxone kit will increase an overdoses chance of survival significantly!! Anyone who uses narcotics/opioids, whether prescribed or illegally should always have a nalaxone kit in their home. You can never be too careful. I have seen far too many kids rushed to the ER because they got into the medicine cabinet. Or a guest grabs the drug for their ache/pain etc, thinking it will help, but not realizing even the tiniest amount, depending on which drug it is, can kill a grown adult. So in the story, with the lock box being to mysterious, and all the other factors. The husband having narcotics in the box is pretty likely! I hope this helps explain it a bit better! Feel free to ask anything else!

[@shirleyanneyoung955]

@@Nikki_81 Hi Nikki, thanks very much for explaining that so clearly.

[@walkz007]

Is methadone meth because I see people talking about opioids are they the same?

[@Nikki_81]

@@walkz007 no, meth is short for Crystal Meth ... Methadone is narcotic that was created more for cancer patients or patients dying of diseases that had severe pain. They discovered it worked well for people wanting to get off narcotic like street drugs or legal narcotics as it has a long acting aspect of it so most only have to take it once a day. But sadly as with most things, people went and had to ruin a good thing by abusing it and the system.

[@standinthegsp6858]

How about saying, “No, thank you. I haven’t had a drink in two years.” I would go out with friends occasionally when I was younger & always just had a Coca-Cola or 7-Up. Many times they’d give me the pop for free because they thought I was the designated driver & many times I was.

[@ProudAuntieEST2016]

Story 1: NTA big time. I have grown up with special needs friends. Its hard work to maintain the friendship with someone with special needs, the benefit is better than a regular friendship it just is. Molly's mom maybe should've gone with you to the movies and been there to offer extra support especially since Molly was acting out. Growing up my best friend's mom would be there along with the siblings of my friend. My friend was the least special needs of her family (she was high functioning while the rest of her family including her parents were lower functioning.) but I never really noticed that she was special needs. When I met a new girl with special needs I recognized some of the same behaviors from my first friend but not as much so I thought maybe she was just a pushover. The new girl had a friend that was even more special needs than her and it has been shown that a family member or caretaker needs to be there no matter what. My friend struggles with her mental health because of her very special needs friend as they have grown apart but are still put together by their moms.

[@meadowsong8560]

Not sure if I will ever stop thinking about what is in that box.

[@dessnatazha]

1:56:39 At 6 years old I definitely knew better than to play around my mother's vases, OP needs to raise their own kid and apologize to their stepdaughter.

[@maryguokas400]

And the step daughter wasn't even being paid to babysit. Take all the money from the free child care and put it towards the new vase.

[@kekumontgomery192]

The wedding: If the only colors allowed are light blue and pink i just wouldn't show up

[@sandyjamison5929]

For Pete's sakes, be quiet during the car ride if you don't like what's on the radio. They're giving you a ride in their vehicle. Next time, drive your own vehicle and you can play what you want on the radio.

[@anneargo-davies692]

Any restaurant worth their salt will not “punish “ the customer by taking longer to prepare and burn a replacement meal, that the customer is PAYING for !!!! They earned their one star.

[@andrewmaughan1205]

Story 2, based on how OP's hubby was acting about a sealed metal box that supposedly contains "pickled olives", I'm saying that OP is only an idiot for allowing the container in the house at all, let alone in the fridge. I'll bet OP's hubby's testicles that the container isn't storing what he claims & he knows it. Who keeps anything pickled in a metal container instead of a sealed glass jar, like a mason jar? OP should tell her hubby that he should keep things that shady in his own fridge somewhere else. OP isn't a jerk, but her hubby & his suspicious friend sure are.

[@minagica]

Dude with the daughter with the unibrow: coming from a good place but doesn't understand it's better to prevent further bullying at that moment in time

[@tegantalks9612]

1:28:55 NTA, as a mom who is not with the father of her oldest child and a child of divorce myself, this hurts. I have made it a rule that any problems I have with my ex are between me and him and have shut family members down from talking shit about my ex with me when all of my kids, not just the one I had with my ex, are around. Right now my son is 4 and loves his dad very much; my issues with his dad are things I mostly just try to discuss with my partner when I am upset and my son isn’t around because that is something my partner actually signed up to do.

[@loveshaneforever]

The dog story is kinda messed up. I think it’s weird to be naked all the time with your dog. That being said, she’s clearly in a different headspace so if he didn’t like it he should’ve left or sucked it up. He knew she wouldn’t take it well.

[@scepticalhyenas5750]

Ah, some of those new pandora olives from that new pandora vinyard. Neat.

[@darecrise]

Brad Pitt listening to this : WHAT'S IN THE BOX?!

[@kitcat8308]

Story 1. It was really nice to invite Molly in the first place, but even that wasn't necessary. People need to realize that "Not wanting to be Friends with someone" is not bullying unless you make a big deal out of it to make sure they get hurt. My son is autistic and has acute ADHD. Always let him know, there are people who won't want to be his friend and that's okay. What's Not ok is name calling, physical bullying, publicly stating they're excluding someone, etc. But also the opposite is true, My son is not required to like/be friends with/ invite people he doesn't like. He is required to treat everyone with kindness. Does it mean I privately cried when no one invited came to his 5th birthday? Yeah. But a neighbor got their younger cousins to come, everyone had a blast, and he didn't know the difference. He's had Maybe 1-2 friends here and there each semester. This year he hit HS. Hasn't really made any friends at school. He Doesn't care. He has kids in our neighborhood he hangs out with, some younger/ some older.

[@LemonyFresh2000]

For the complaining story, i had a friend who complained constantly as a form of conversation, and despite seeming to want suggestions, just wanted an ego boost to feel better about her poor choices. This alone didn't make us no longer friends, she had a crush on me (she made it weird as well), would text me constantly even if I hasn't responded yet to the first 5 messages, and tried to act like we were a couple. Sweet in action, but exhausting to deal with and speak to daily.

[@maheenahmed6653]

Op is NTA. This was not a suitable party for molly. The parents of molly should have asked what the plans were. And then should have declined the invite based on what they would have known she couldn’t handle. Op made her invite the party. They didn’t exclude her because she is different, it is because it is not the kind of environment that is suitable for her. Guess what? There’s plenty of children exactly like Molly who would have been fine. It was her negative behavior.

[@gillianbergh7002]

Story one - The movies sounded too scary for Molly - but Molly's Mum should have warned OP, about her needs, or suggested she be there if her Mum could be there. The party was not only spoiled for the birthday girl but also for the other girls. The redo is a reward for the girls' gracious behaviour.

[@ehleeinn9743]

The last time someone looked in the box, they were mummified. The time b4 that their faces were melted. I think shes very smart to not look in the box.

[@venetabritt2771]

The olives story, I immediately thought of a family friend who took her husband's boots out of the fridge while he was napping...seems he found a couple of rattlesnakes, which he was going to sell to a collector as he was a rock hound and found them and it was worth $100.00 each, in the mid seventies. He did polished rock clocks and bookends and such for a living so $200.00 payday was always welcome.

[@harleycontrarian6111]

The real AH is Molly's mother. She knew her daughter's issues, she didn't warn you and she made sure she was unavailable during the party.

[@fangchick93]

I'm pantsless like 90% of the time at home. I get home, the pants come off, it's not sexual, I'm just more comfortable that way. Op is yta

[@kingofichigo]

The only time I wear pants at home is when it's cold

[@Manhandle730]

Are either of you ladies looking for a roommate?

[@kaykay8855]

The anger management story: NTA. Yes, people want/need to vent but the people on the receiving end can become emotionally drained. If you are constantly being emotionally Whoopi cushion you become emotionally drained and numb. Divorce story: NTA. They don’t get to mad when their ‘cash cow’ doesn’t want to be taken advantage of.

[@mallorymeyer8692]

The one about the food allergies, I've ordered a ceaser salad and it doesn't come with tomatoes and the few times I've ordered it, it has had tomatoes. I would point it out to my waitress and they would have it remade at no extra cost. They would even ask why it had tomatoes when it doesn't come with tomatoes. I'm allergic to tomatoes that's why I always get ceaser salads

[@maryforstall7298]

My grand daughter is a Mallory! I

[@user-nb8tk6hh6x]

Food allergy op said that the fish is normally not made with tomatoes so they were safe to assume it wouldn’t have had it especially since it wasn’t listed, they should have apologized properly and not charge for it and give op food that wasn’t burnt.

[@angeliqueillstopprocrastin479]

About the one with the pee. I'm 60-I remember a saying when I was growing up(water conservation) "If it's yellow let it mellow, if it's brown flush it down". It always gave me the "ewwwww" even as a kid lol

[@lorianabanana6066]

First story: NTA. My brother is severely autistic. We are both in our 30's now, and he will never live a normal life. He is (mostly) non-verbal no eye contact and he needs constant help & supervision, even with hygiene & eatting. He didn't toliet train until he was 7 or 8. We are very close in age- like 16 months. We went to the same school and I have spent a TON of time around DD kids & adults. I even worked at a branch of his day program for several years. I love my brother, and we try to include him in what we can. But he just can't do some social things. Honestly even much higher functioning people sometimes can't. Really OP was lucky, sometimes kids like Molly can get violent & destructive when they are upset or over stimulated. I had to leave the day program I worked at because some clients were very violent and the management was more interested in money than safety. I'm very petite, and despite my training/experience I kept getting hurt. My bro is known for being a gentle giant (he's a staff fav) and never intentionally hurts people- but when he's upset he can throw epic tantrums where you can get hurt if you don't know what you are doing. Imagine a 6'1" 300lb 2yr old losing it... not fun. It was sweet to ask Molly, but just too much. I can't believe her mom let her SLEEP OVER?? That's nuts, someone could've been hurt. It'd be one thing to invite her to dinner, or ONE movie, or a couple hour hangout- but that was just too long for Molly. She should go on more limited hangouts w mom there so she can leave if she needs too. My bro NEVER sleeps over places. He needs his routine, meds on time, and normal environment. Now onto the redo party. When I was growing up, there were a couple times my parents tried to force me to hangout w my bros classmates. Including w my more typical friends. It never ended well. It made me feel embarrassed and less important. Like I was just there as a babysitter. But my mom in particular is awesome & cut that out quickly when she saw that it was hurting me. She even sat me down and told me I deserved a 'normal' childhood- or as normal as possible. While I did still do things w him & his classmates, she made sure it was my CHOICE and not forced. Sometimes I knew I had to take one for the team, but if I had some that was important to me to do alone- I was encouraged & allowed. She also found groups for kids (then later adults) like my bro for him to join. The day program he goes to has all kinds of things, crafting parties, zoo trips, mall trips, movies, dinners, picnics etc. Sometimes I even still go, altho less now that I'm an adult w my own life. OPs daughter deserves a special day. One that wasn't all about another kids meltdowns. Mom making it up to her makes sense. There were a couple of times my bro broke things, or trips were cancelled etc that my parents made up to me. Especially since this was a birthady- also it's not like another movie will break the bank. However just like I deserved special things, so did my bro. Molly does too. OP can still encourage her daughter to hang out w Molly, just smaller things. An hour after school, a dinner, ONE movie etc. But having Molly all night isn't fair to anyone really. NTA OP. Babysteps are fine here. And having a redo movie isn't thst big of a deal. I have no idea why hubby is whining. Just sit daughter down and explain that it was too much for Molly, and that was the adults fault-not Molly's. But that it would still be nice to include Molly sometimes, but sleepovers are just too long for Molly AND daughter.

[@katizkool5039]

I’m not really against the unibrow thing purely because it made the little girl really happy. “Prettying” yourself up doesn’t have to have anything to do with anyone else. You can do things to make yourself feel confident and feel special about the way you look. If kids feel more confident in themselves by removing facial hair, adding a little color dye to their hair or harmlessly experimenting with their looks then I see no problem. They shouldn’t be told they have to stay a way that makes them feel less confident just because they’re a kid. I work with children and I know a lot of kindergartners with dyed hair and the ability to express themselves how they like makes them soooo happy. I’m the world we live in, why not do the small things that make ourselves and our children happy. If the daughter didn’t want it then it would be a different story but the daughter was clearly ecstatic about the results and felt confident enough to show off.

[@CircusoftheMoon]

Unibrow story: she may grow to love herself and her unibrow with age, but if you let her get bullied for years over it I can guarantee she will never accept that faucet of herself. I have thick thighs and due to that my inner thighs are darker than the rest of my skin due to friction. When I was wearing a bathing suit as a kid my grandma pointed it out at the beach. She didn’t bully me about it, but that one moment caused a lot of insecurity that followed me well into adulthood. I imagine if I would’ve been bullied for it my insecurity would’ve been so much worse.

[@darkangel_1978]

Best quote I heard about polishing, was "Polish a turd, it's still a turd !" Thank you Jeff Dunham and Peanut

[@Rjshadow11]

Let's look at it this way (not that we really need to): imagine if the daughter loved spiders, and for her birthday, the mother took her and her friends to a spider museum. But Molly had arachnophobia and was freaking out the whole time, so they had to leave early to protect her. It would not be an A Hole move to just take the daughter and friends back to the spider museum so they can have a proper look at all the spiders, but not include the girl who has arachnophobia. In fact, if the husband were insistent on bringing an arachnophobe back into that situation, regardless of the reason, I'd think he's downright cruel. Just the same, it wouldn't be fair on either Molly OR the daughter to bring Molly back into a movie where she's going to be frightened and uncomfortable. In future, I would still encourage the daughter to hang out with Molly once in awhile. But, rather than taking Molly out into unfamiliar situations, just have the daughter go over to her house to play some games, watch some movies, or do some activities they both like. That way, Molly willl be in a comfortable environment (and the daughter won't have to worry so much about Molly getting upset) where her parents are present.

[@melodygrim471]

"Frozen Lasagna". No one can tell me that MIL went to OP's HOUSE for DINNER and didn't have a CLUE that the food they gave her to taste was made by OP. Like she was supposed to assume that it was made by SIL - or it wass leftovers from her own refrigerator? It would be AUTOMATIC for ANYONE to assume that OP made the food. I'm afraid it WASN'T REALLY s "BLIND" taste test!

[@cindyrichelderfer7625]

😳 I Must know what was in the Metal box in the frig!!!! Definitely not olives 😂

[@stephjovi]

people don`t have patience. Listening to people vent about the same thing over and over and over again is literally my life. It´s the only kind of friendships I ever had. Friends complaining about relationships and work over and over and over

[@sweetluvgurl]

I love when Markee cracks up while reading stuff. It’s pretty funny.

[@jeanthree]

1st story Molly's mother intentionally ignore the phone call. Her daughter is a handful. The redo is right..without Molly. It's a stress free party

[@hug_it7886]

Body pillow story: I think if the sister called him a bigot for asking why he has a pillow as a girlfriend means he can come back with the same energy

[@VFKAdventureRabbit]

Hope the "olive box" OP is safe cause the lack of update despite responding to people's comments on the post that she never updated feels like an indicator that there really was something bad in the box. Edit: OP's account is suspended on Reddit but I'm not fluent enough in the site to know if that's only caused by rule violations or if there are other causes. People have still been replying to the post as of 17 days ago and are still concerned and in the dark. The never-ending suspense is ungratifying

[@lisawhereisthecultjam]

If I had a life threatening allergy, I would discuss my situation with my server before ordering.

[@notCynicalReally]

Sorry, Markee my dude I love ya, but at the same time comparing the 18y/o with a body pillow to you doing KZbin is very very very different. I felt like the op thought they were taking crazy pills with that situation. The mom was like, okay with that??? Holy shit, I felt like *I* was taking crazy pills just listening to the story. The op in that story would be like, 1/4 of an asshole with their response. Also the whole damn family is okay with that???? Like what??? Holy shit

[@SpookyBur]

My question on the unibrow story is who did she get it from? Mom or dad? If it’s mom then she empathizes with her daughter and acted 100% correctly. If it’s the dad she needs to talk to him about how she still loves him regardless because he could be projecting onto his daughter.

[@gailboyd3585]

EXCELLENT to redo birthday party. Molly already attended party. Daughter needs praiise & happy memories of her special times with family & friends.

[@dyscea]

NTA on the guy who has to listen to his wife and daughter “vent”. If it’s toxic to me, I’m removing myself from it. Does it mean alienating the people I love? YES. As reddit loves to say, don’t set yourself on fire to keep others warm. Now. I’m also chicken shat 😆 And pruning people hurts. I try to find ways to convey my boundaries so that it is received well and we’re good. But if that person is too upset by it, I’m not going to sacrifice my well being.

[@will.i.kiwalla]

Black dress at the wedding: OP acting like she's Wednesday Addams, allergic to color lmaoo

[@barbaraunderwood1762]

U don't have to unplug fridge to clean it . I just did mind. I used a rag to dry the in side out.

[@Wandervenn]

I probably would if only because my fridge starts making a beeping alarm if it's been open too long.

[@AAAforshort]

Well that depends, we have to unplug our fridge because over time you get this big block of ice forming at the back of the fridge - not that I know if OP's fridge needed that, but jeez in any way if those were pickled olives they'd survive it since they don't even need to be in a fridge. Sucks we'll never know what shady business hubby was up to

[@sabrinawilson9313]

For the black dress story I’d obviously say YTA except in one case. If OP has ASD. Some autistic ppl have certain areas (food, clothing, sound, etc.) that they always regulate a certain way, and this is done to meet sensory needs, or executive functioning needs, etc. in order to allow the person to function. Its not petty, pickiness, etc. it could cause severe overwhelm that could lead to a meltdown..not a tantrum by choice As someone on the spectrum i always wear long sleeves to regulate sensory in put. Ive been humiliated, ostracized and threatened for it out of lack of understanding. So i have some sympathy in that regard IF op needs it for this reason then their brother should have been more understanding, maybe they could have even bought a pink scarf to wrap around over the black dress for the 1 minute per photo of group photos if OP was comfortable with that, if not then again just be understanding. If not then OP is just making a selfish rude choice and is being a MAJOR ahole. Since they did not mention we cannot know but i cant see another reason why op would be soo insistence on color if it weren’t for such a reason as disability. So figured I’d throw it out there as something to keep in mind

[@missionsquirrel]

Story one: I don't think anyone is the AH, except Molly's mom. I think it should be framed as another night rather than a birthday redo, though. That's just my opinion as it redirects the focus from Molly having "ruined it". Just seems a shame to focus on it in that way. My son is 11 and has cp, ADHD, autism, learning disabilities etc etc. He's never been invited to a birthday party, even though he's the most lovely, caring and thoughtful person ever. He can walk, talk, communicate pretty clearly, isn't dangerous and is really kind to everyone. It breaks my heart seeing all the other kids having birthday parties and my son being left out. So I can look at this from a couple of sides. I think it was amazing to invite molly and accommodate her needs, and that you didn't place any blame on her at the time. I hope others will continue to do that for her. Her mom should have been available and answered the call. If I sent my son somewhere, I'd be sat on top of the phone ready to go get him, particularly because with cp accidents are always more likely. Blows my mind that she ignored it 🤯

[@cynicalminion]

1: NTA- no, life isn't fair, and that's what happened. but as long as you CAN do something for your daughter, you SHOULD. the lesson you're teaching is NOT about excluding anyone, it's that it's entirely possible to salvage your desired goals if something bad DOES happen to ruin the original plans...

[@jofip9199]

Make up story: it’s ok to not wear makeup, it’s NOT ok to shame others who wear it. “Lying to themselves” that’s so uncalled for and rude. Make up can be fun so to me she is as bad as OP telling her to wear it. The only person i like in this story is the sister

[@devorothknight4420]

Metal box....dudes probably a serial killer 😳

[@kensprivateinvestigation2128]

Listen, I love watching anime as much as the other dorks around me but if you are 18 and dating, and talking to a body pillow in public something is deeply wrong with him and he needs professional help and his mother is feeding into the psychosis by ignoring the boys clear problem and turning it on op by calling op a bigot.

[@lynsthoughts3576]

FATHER. NTA. I can admit I pushed my 1st husband away because he asked me to STOP complaining about work EVERYDAY. Things I could change/improve I did, but others being MILITARY you can't change. I complained about people and things daily. HE FINALLY blew up at me because he asked over and over NOT to, leave work at work,. I didn't... he's married to someone else. Daughter needs to listen before she ends up like her mom and me. Divorced