r/Trueoffmychest I'm Happy My Wife is Dead

[@misyrrex]

The OP in the last story provided an update where she decided to talk to him instead of just blindsiding him with leaving suddenly. They talked a lot and explained their reasonings. The OP's boyfriend said that he read a random article about a guy finding out his kids weren't his own after 20 years. He then proceeded to go down a rabbit hole of KZbin videos and podcasts which made him have some doubts. His mother also sent pictures of OP's boyfriend to their family group chats along with hiding one of OP's child. The other family members didn't even know until she pointed out, as a way to show that their child is the splitting image of OP's boyfriend. Then the paternity test came back and the boyfriend IS the father, and he was visibly relieved. OP is devastated and is crying constantly, which she says might be related to her postpartum depression. The boyfriend just wants to move on, get married, and have more children, but OP doesn't feel as if they can come back from this. They were looking into therapy. AND THEN she posts another update, a much much shorter one, where she says that everything has gone down hill and she's been advised to not talk about it until things are settled in court. She says that she guesses that she's a cautionary tale and advises that everyone should talk to their partner before hand, if they ever have concerns, especially if there's a child involved. I hope OP is safe, along with their child and doing alright

[@Meliaison]

This is just my guess, but I believe he was likely projecting his insecurities onto her because he was the one that was cheating in the relationship, and she found out :/ hope OP is okay

[@ColdBloodedBastard]

@@Meliaison no, it's because we don't know, we just have to take the woman's word for it. And after years of maury povich, you learn plenty of women lie. She can be 1000 percent sure, and it's STILL not his kid. Women don't have to worry about this. Men do. Don't blame us, blame other women.

[@olaz5131]

@@Meliaison did you read the post or are you just pulling this out your ass that he's "projecting", i mean it literally says in this comment that his reason was family and friends paired with stories of infidelity he read on the internet. Bros a dumbass for not supporting his wife who's struggling but no need to throw cheating accusations when there's no proof of them.

[@minnarosenqvistmr]

So maybe he was cheating,and that's why they're divorcing now.. I feel bad for her,,,,but I do understand why men want a test

[@angelbabies7]

My guess is this, HE was cheating. The sidepiece got pregnant and they found out that THAT kid isn't his. He ended it and started to wonder if OP cheated too and that HER kid also wasn't his. That's just my idea on the way this went down.

[@thesurp72520]

That husband in the first story is absolutely disgusting, she should definitely leave him. Imagine what could have happened if he wandered into the road or someone took him away.

[@Jack5628]

We gamers banished that one to Florida it seems he's still causing problems

[@lancerevell5979]

We Floridians don't want him either.

[@saihiko9967]

@@lancerevell5979 agreed, we're psycho but not dumb to leave children in danger.

[@boyboy81_]

He plays league of legends what did you expect 😂

[@annika5893]

She should have left him eons ago. And even in that post she says she wishes she could stay with him for the kids. Honey, it's for the kids that you are going to have to dump that irresponsible asswipe.

[@merlinathrawes746]

Dead wife story: OP, be sure to change the locks. You have no idea how many people she may have given keys to. Some security cameras/alarms may not be out of place either considering her family and friends. Paternity test story: RSLASH, there are updates to this story. OP's MIL literally did a slideshow of various pictures of her son and grandson (50/50 split) and his entire family thought every picture was of OP's husband other than a single one she labeled as her grandson for comparison, just in different light levels to explain the difference in skin tone. Also, OP's husband told OP after the tests came back that it made the relationship stronger, despite the fact that OP had moved into the spare room. He literally had no idea how badly he had insulted and accused her! Her last update indicated she had filed for divorce. As a man, I truly don't blame her. Do those things happen? Yes. But to make accusations like that with no evidence of cheating DOES stray into divorce territory. It definitely destroys trust and love in the relationship. By the way, he got the idea from going down the Reddit rabbit hole of not my baby stories. The best comment response I saw was a couple who planned to have maternity/paternity tests done at the hospital to make sure any children they had hadn't been switched.

[@beeziebubs2756]

If I had a nickel for every time rslash read a story about a nurse who comes home after working a shift to find their unemployed, video game addicted husband playing games while completely ignoring/neglecting their kids… I’d have 2 nickels, which isn’t a lot but it’s weird that it happened twice.

[@cakedUraniumMuffin]

You’re probably going to get more nickels, because it happens more than you think.

[@kranberry3318]

I love the reference but I’d like to point out that in this case the husband is employed. OP said that whenever he’s not working, he’s gaming. So not unemployed this time. Still a shitbag!

[@codyjohnson6427]

I'm pretty sure there was a third story of the guy wanting to be a stay at home dad even though there were no children

[@thunderusnight]

A platypus? PeRRy The Platypus?!

[@crazyhercules9442]

I love your comment, lol.

[@unorthodoxchick]

For the "spitting in the food" story - when he says "you MADE me do it", that's insanely manipulative behavior. And it will only get worse from there. If she stays, I guarantee that this will escalate to a full blown abusive relationship. (Speaking from experience here)

[@thetruth1816]

Op should've taken a chair broke it over his head than had the same response..

[@kevinwilliams4899]

"you made me do it" that is an outright abuser there changing the blame on OP so she hopefully will be the one feeling remorse. Classic abuser tactics so the other person feels useless for never doing the right thing. Divorce before it's to late!

[@SwanofWar]

"You made me do it" was the excuse my mother used every time she'd beat or abuse us in some other manner. It's classic victim blaming and manipulation.

[@ashh4929]

Right?! Coming from a "you made me do it" "father", OP needs to f*cking book it.

[@Israfel36]

It already is a full blown abusive relationship.

[@emmabrown7302]

On the last story, he can say I want the test or I leave and thats ok but she can't say believe me or I leave? It's OK for him to be insecure and find a solution but being doubted and practically accused of cheating makes her insecure and she has to just deal.

[@RealCoolstriker64]

Yes. She CAN’T say “believe me without questioning or I’ll leave.”

[@venceslavgeorgiev2295]

He asked for evidence, she asked for ignorance. It is that simple.

[@TiffWaffles]

I honestly feel that OP's partner is disappointed that his child didn't come out looking like him and believes that his biracial baby (who looks like mum) must be the product of an affair. This is actually one of my worst fears. I am Indigenous, and even though I am white passing and can be mistaken for having olive coloured skin, I am still part of the Indigenous community. My children can have varying skin tones from dark brown to white given the fact that it's in my genes and I can pass these traits on to them... Just like I can pass on blonde hair and blue eyes since most people in my mum's side of the family have those traits as well. If I had children with a man that doubted paternity for no other reason than the fact that our biracial children looked more like my Indigenous side of the family, I'd be furious enough to leave that relationship as well. I'd leave the paternity test on the table and I'd be gone. He'd have to speak directly to my lawyer after that.

[@ladyofrillwater]

​@@TiffWaffles I think you misunderstood: the baby DOES look like him. EXACTLY like him.

[@bryn1063]

@@ladyofrillwater the baby looks so like him that his own mother sent a picture of the baby claiming its old photos of him. And everyone in the family group chat believed it and said the lighting was why his skin was so dark..

[@eyuelzero]

In the last story, OP posted an update as she proceeded to leave him. And the guy said that he had his doubts after sinking in the rabbit hole of reading stories about men discovering their kids weren't theirs after decades passed. The baby photos being so similar was confirmed by other people in his family as some of them couldn't even tell which was the dad or the baby. The tests came back positive and now OP is going through the legal things.

[@Gweem13]

Two updates, actually, and it was a little more in-depth than that. In one, they talked it out, and he explained that it was because of the rabbit hole of stories he heard, among other things. His family kept trying to convince him, too, showing pics of him as a baby and their kid, so on and so on. He still got the paternity test, he was the dad, and he was happy, but OP just became more and more miserable, refusing to give him any affection or sleep in the same room as him, crying all the time, etc. Then, in the second update, she called her story "a cautionary tale" and that she can't discuss more bc they're in court over things. So it seems like no matter what his reasoning was, she was just holding bitter resentment towards him and couldn't get past it. Maybe its better that they get divorced if they can't handle each other's anxiety. EDIT: This doesn't mean i agree with the husband necessarily, I dont really agree with either of them. If therapy and rational conversation won't make him trust her and believe she wouldn't be cheating or make her understand his anxiety and try to help him through it, then they should break up becaise clearly they're at a stalemate. That's all i was saying, I just think overall it's way more extreme than it needed to be on both sides.

[@xelectrix]

Sometimes, I feel like r/slash leaves stuff out of stories or has an obviously bad take just to spark discourse in the comments.

[@abiean222]

the thing is, i can understand both sides very clearly. the boyfriend gets gaslit into distrusting his partner, and OP now knows that her partner, someone she trusts, has no faith in her. how can you remain with someone when you know that they will never fully trust you, especially when you have never done anything to shake that trust? honestly, if the guy asked for both of them to get a paternity test, claiming that he is worried about baby swapping, and using some stories where it did happen as proof of his paranoia, then he could totally pass it off as craziness that can easily be disproven.

[@centrechic]

@@xelectrix And/Or he's saving the update for a "Best of Reddit Updates" video. I didn't like his take on the last one. I also advocate for everyone to get a paternity/maternity test if possible to make sure babies weren't swapped. But coming in out of the blue asking/suggesting a paternity test with no explanation, making their partner stress about them not trusting them for no reason, wondering if it's projection or someone outside the relationship whispering in their ear. Also, it sounds like OP has anxious attachment style and the way the BF brought up the PT was possibly the worst way he could have.

[@jessilyngray1223]

I get both sides I do but if my husband did this to me I'd probably be just as mad and disappointed. Relationships are hard and I feel like both of them didn't talk about it enough. As for me my oldest looks exactly like my husband as a child. We have photos of them as babies side by side on the wall and people are like aww "oldest is such a cutie" they always go wow they looked so much alike. Our youngest looks just like me but has she father's temperament. They also both have his extra jointed big toe.

[@BowieRulez]

Last story…you missed all the updates, including the one where the husbands mother found out in a family group chat and proceeded to show side by side comparisons of the husband and the kid. They are identical, literally some people confused them thinking one photo just had bad lighting. The husbands mother was the one who set hem up, and she’s pssd that her son tanked the relationship

[@vhaelen326]

thats nice and all but still not a guarantee its his. and this is one of the situation where i wouldnt care how much i trust my partner, its not a situation where 'trust' is required because in the past i did also trust partners who DID END UP CHEATING so clearly trust isnt an adequat measure to determine certain things by

[@LLandS18]

​@@vhaelen326Your personal experience is not relevant to the situation. Not at all. And if you feel that you need a paternity test before you sign a birth certificate, you need to be open and honest with any partners that you're going to have in the future. I'm right away. At the beginning of the relationship. Hell, even before you sleep together. You should tell that person if we have kids together. I'm going to need a paternity test before I'll sign the birth certificate. And then she can decide whether or not you're worth her time. You don't get to hide it and drop it like a bomb on somebody's life after they've given birth. Also the fact that but this quote" man would accuse his wife of one of the worst things you could accuse anyone of that isn't a crime is unforgivable. When you question who your partner is to their face who they are on the most fundamental level of human decency that is a good enough reason to leave that relationship. That's why you bring it up at the beginning of the relationship, not drop it like a bomb on somebody's life. You have the right to ask for one. But people also have the right to decide how they're going to feel about that ask. You're not the only one who is allowed to have emotions and feelings. Believe it or not, it's not the woman's job to do all the emotional labor and make you feel better about your insecurities. That's your job as an adult. Also, questioning somebody at their most fundamental level is a disgusting thing to do to a partner. And if you're having those kind of doubts in a relationship, it's time to leave that relationship.

[@lizzy1876]

​@@vhaelen326You think that a baby, your wife birthed, who looks exactly like you when you were a baby, to the point even your own mother is sure it's yours. You wouldn't 'trust' it?

[@vhaelen326]

@@lizzy1876 okay firstly, its a baby, they aint THAT destinct, sure things like birthmarks etc are a thing but its still a baby, it looks 90% like all other babies of a similiar weight and size, BUT fair enough, let me return a question: there is an easy, fast, noninvasive and safe method to easily calm your partners doubts, are you so pridefull and egocentric that you refuse to do it on sheer principle?

[@LLandS18]

​@@vhaelen326babies don't look alike. That's like saying all Asian people look alike. It's stupid. Babies look similar because they're all human beings but saying that all babies look exactly alike. Have you never seen babies? There's cute babies. There's ugly babies. There's chubby babies. There's babies with red hair. There's babies with no hair. There's babies with hair on the back of their head. There's babies who have blue eyes, brown eyes, little cute pup button noses little pug noses big long skinny noses. They're skinny babies. There's fat fat fat babies. All her baby is unique. To say they all look alike is just trying to solidify your stupid point. And if you need a paternity test you need to be open and honest at the beginning of your relationship before you sleep together. Which you don't get to do is play victim. When you call somebody the worst thing you can call them without it being an actual crime And they leave you.

[@jackoneal1]

The woman leaving her boyfriend after being asked for a paternity test is completely within her right to leave, just like the guy was completely within his right to ask. It's her line. Update: She left him. Thr baby was his.

[@vhaelen326]

i disagree, i mean OBVIOUSLY she has the right to leave him for any reason but i dont consider this a "valid" reason, women have the guarantee that the child in their womb and in their arms is theirs, men dont have that guarantee. the next part is gonna be phrased very harshly but i stand by it, if i was a woman and gave birth to a child i would be offended if the father DIDNT ask for a paternity test because clearly i got knocked up by a moron

[@OfficialBillyBones]

​@@vhaelen326 "boo hoo a couple of bad women cheated so therefore every woman is a cheater. this mentality is solid and definitely wont ruin any of my relationships if I implied to my partner one day they cheated they would take it with stride" Also women are "lucky" because they know the baby is theirs, as if there aren't stories about babies being swapped at birth cry me a river

[@vhaelen326]

@@OfficialBillyBones sooo youre against Airport Security aswell? And Police? Firefighters? Airbags? Handrails on stairs? Reading the Fineprint on contracts? I mean booohooo so what If a couple of Bad people Hijacked an airplane, thats No reason for everyone to be screened, having a government funded Organisation because a couple of people Steal, murder and worse is abit excessive dont you think? I mean so what If a couple of Houses burn down? Im Not saying you should treat everyone Like a cheater but since you cant accurately differenciate between cheaters and Non cheaters It doesnt hurt to make Sure, especially since If you sign that birth certificate youre on the Hook, doesnt Matter If you learn a year, 5 or 10 years down the Road thats Not yours youre still on the hook so maybe you Take your head Out of your own behind, some fresh Air might Help your mental faculties

[@vhaelen326]

@@OfficialBillyBones also since you brought it Up: youre against MAternity Tests then aswell? I mean surely the couple of incidents of swapped Babies doesnt Warrant that.... Riiiight?

[@mmmbored7939]

@@vhaelen326stop stop they’re already dead!!! 😂😂😂

[@skunkrat01]

Rslash you yourself told us how tight the security was when your wife was delivering. How they had the matching bracelets and Lily was never out of you or your wife's sight etc "Switched at birth" doesn't happen all the time. I think the boyfriend gave her an ultimatum, saying, this is what I need to go forward with our relationship, then everyone is mad that she takes him at his word. Massive fucking ouch

[@readjordan2257]

Maybe hes taking his own experience as anecdotal instead of "must be the norm." Still think your point should be said though. We need to be presented with possible discrepancies.

[@mysterylovescompany2657]

The husband who spat in his hungry wife's food should really just be taken out behind the barn, at this point.

[@ostlandr]

I see so many of these stories, and think "Doesn't OP have a dad, or brothers, or uncles, or some combination thereof? " Because so many of these tragedies could have been prevented by OP's male (and/or tough female) relatives having a "Come to Jesus moment" with the butthole husband/boyfrfiend. The dad of one of my ex-girlfiends told me straight up "She gets a cough, you get a cold. She gets a cold, you get the flu. She gets the flu, you get Pneumonia. Understand?" I totally did and was totally cool with that.

[@xSydneyyRae]

@@ostlandr I’m curious, was that your ex’s dad’s way of saying “if you hurt her, I’ll hurt you” type of thing?

[@ostlandr]

@@xSydneyyRae Precisely that.

[@abiean222]

@@ostlandr not everyone has people in their lives who will stand up for their kids like that. some women even had fathers/male relatives who deliberately raised them to be abuse victims. there are also lots of cultures that raise women to be subservient to their husbands, often to the point of accepting all abuse and putting their husband's wants before the needs of even their children. you might be one of the sane guys out there who respects women as fellow human beings, but there are still a lot of men out there who don't.

[@fdm2155]

Oh, he would have been wearing that food! Well, at least OP got definitive evidence that her husband doesn't give a damn about her...in case she had ANY doubt.

[@oddly6695]

You can ask for a paternity test of course but don’t be shocked when she is offended. You are literally implying she cheated. If you think they are willing to do that to you then the trust is gone and then what’s the point in continuing the relationship

[@vhaelen326]

as someone who has trusted people in the past who did end up cheating on me i can safely say this is not a situation where i would ever consider 'trust' as adequat as clearly "trust" isnt a valid measure of someone elses character, a paternity test is much more adequat

[@LLandS18]

​@@vhaelen326You really need to stop copy and pasting this comment. Because like I said, your personal experience is completely irrelevant to the situation. You have to tell your partner from the beginning that you need to paternity test. You don't get to drop it like a bomb on her life when she's at one of her most vulnerable states. But of course that would require you taking responsibility for something. And that doesn't seem like your MO. Because anybody who copies and pastes and copies and pace an answer like this clearly can't take responsibility for anything.

[@vhaelen326]

@@LLandS18 firstly: make me, b*tch secondly and more importantly, none of my answers/comments are copy pasted they are typed out individually but i guess that would be rather difficult to see from that high horse youre sitting on third: are you saying that people who 110% trust their partner dont get cheated on or are you saying if you 110% trust your partner you deserve to be cheated on? fourth: if we discard all personal experiences from any argument... then it'd be rather dificult to argue about anything as our knowledge is based of personal experiences thus if we are in a situation we havent experienced we look for the experiences for the people around us, and my personal experience IS relevant to the topic, but youre the kind of person who not only disregards all experiences of other people that dont agree with your personal beliefs but worse then that you want to diminish those experiences into nonexistence because everyone who doesnt align with your personal beliefs is categorically a bad person, so while i agree that the moment isnt ideal to ask for a paternity test there is such a thing as the last chance, the last chance to avoid an accident, the last chance to keep someone from being hurt etc, for father hood the last chance is signing the birth certificate so i cant (and WONT) blame anyone for taking that last chance fifth: while i will never be in that situation, if i were hypothetically in that situation i would be clear about it from the start because just like you i stand by my own beliefs and values, however unlike you my values dont require me to look down on other peoples values and i dont need to demonize anyone who doesnt agree with me, so while i think youre a poor excuse for a human being i do wish you happiness and fullfillment in your life but please, atleast try to find both of those things without doing so at other peoples expense, thank you

[@dungeonsanddragonshomebrew3165]

Except the that trust isn’t always reliable Do you have any idea the statistics on how many guys find out they aren’t the father after a dna test

[@th3dudeabides1]

Her being offended is beside the point.

[@d.phantomfan1216]

Story 1: your husband should have been arrested for child endangerment, you're lucky that cop didn't take your son on the spot. OP I'm with you this is something to get divorced over. We have that stuff that were obsessed with but to not know this your son has left the house this fight all the alarms is a very big no.

[@burke615]

I don't think a cop would take a child from a parent who was at work at the time of the incident when all the other evidence (alarms, info on wrist, etc.) showed that she was taking steps to protect the child. At least I hope they wouldn't. But yeah, that guy should be going directly to jail; do not pass Go; do not collect $200.

[@griffinbastion]

I already commented it as a standalone comment: if your kids have ADHD and/or autism, and you do not, chances are your partner does, if undiagnosed and untreated. That can lead to those problems, which without professional or even Just understanding help means that you are getting blamed for a problem you have no control over and basically getting punished for being born the wrong way and not being treated the way you should be. And before everyone comments "but he's responsible as a father" autism has different symptoms and those symptoms can be at different strength. However almost every case of autism involves problems with empathy, and understanding others. It's like blaming a crab for eating it's own children, unless you give it enough space and support, you will not change them.

[@amberlindsey7112]

Ya this is a hard one. If there was physical abuse involved then they would have removed the child until the abuser was out of the house. I think the fact the mom had proven she was doing everything to keep the child safe is why they didn't take the child. Because it would have been really hard for her to get the child back even though it wasn't her fault. If they remove a child you still have to go back to court to prove that that person is not living there to be able to get that child back. And it would take months and months if not years for that to even happen. I think the cops didn't take them realizing that this is a first instance for her but I'm sure if it happened again they would be like now it's your fault because you already knew this could happen.

[@spooniejusticewarrior]

@Griffin Bastion autistics do not have problems with empathy. In fact, many autistics are super empathetic. Our struggles with social cues is often mistaken for lack of empathy. The husband may very well be autistic, but the issue is not lack of empathy, it's lack of self awareness. He's clearly hyperfocused on gaming and needs to learn how to manage his hyperfocus.

[@dx1450]

It's definitely child endangerment. But even aside from putting his kids in danger, what kind of relationship is he going to have with his kids as they grow older? To them, "Dad" will just be this guy in their house who constantly plays video games.

[@redsprout9347]

The last story: Yeah paternity tests should be given to every baby, but if it is in the hope of making sure they actually have the right baby then a maternity test should also happen. Rslash went on a whole rant about swithed at birth babies then says the mothers have completely certainty since it came out of them? Well what about the switched at birth? Imagine just giving birth, probably the most painful and vulnerable experience ever, and the paternity comes back negative. You didn't cheat, but now your partner is furious and could get dangerous and the situation is all stressful and bad for the new mom. But only a paternity test was given and the baby was switched but no one knows since it isn't common. I think both tests are needed before leaving the hospital, not just paternity.

[@TheWeakMinded]

Switched babies are way way less common than cheating whores

[@redsprout9347]

@@TheWeakMinded Jesus christ I hate cheaters to but wtf

[@Diamond123682]

And not too long ago, rslash actually read a story where that very thing happened. Husband went behind OP’s back to get a paternity test, kid wasn’t his, husband was furious beyond belief, but OP didn’t cheat. Turns out, switched at birth. The kid was 5 at this point, btw.

[@redsprout9347]

@@Diamond123682 I remember that one, that was one I was specifically thinking of about this

[@vanzy01]

👍🏿

[@Wickedxhippie91]

Pretty shocked rSlash sided with the guy in the last story. If she has given him no reason to doubt her loyalty, where the hell is this coming from, and why is he so adamant about it? Seems pretty sketch to me. I would be heartbroken and skeptical if my long-term partner, that I had a baby with, is randomly suspicious and questioning if our baby is his or not.

[@jacklamborn8810]

You're joking, right?

[@Wickedxhippie91]

@@jacklamborn8810 ugh, here we go...nope. You got something to prove otherwise?

[@Lina09.04]

@SuperBundel yes and no. The paternity test might be a good idea, but the way the husband went about it isnt. He couldve introduced the idea slowly, given some reasoning and just communicate about his need of doing one. Throwing it in her face like an ultimatum is an accusation of cheating and can absolutely be really hurtful. Communication is key, as always

[@xLostInFirex]

Idk. I agree with most of his points. I'm a woman but I'm extremely paranoid (OCD) about random stuff (not talking about in relationship but with everything in general) so I kinda know this need to be "officially" sure about everything. Plus I do think that it might be harder for us women to understand that feeling since we don't have that doubt. But then again, it is hurtful as hell so I don't know if I'd be able to get past this or would it always stay as a chip in my shoulder if I stayed. It's a pretty complicated situation.

[@xLostInFirex]

@@Lina09.04 Same. Throwing the "I'll have to leave if you don't do it" out there like that right away was way too aggressive. I'd understand it if the wife repeatedly kept absolutely declining it to the point where it became suspicious but just right away.... Nope.

[@matheuslopez578]

I think the correct way to ask for a paternity test is "let's both take the test to make sure the baby wasn't exchanged in the hospital"

[@tallskinnygeek]

Counterpoint: If that's not actually the reason you want it, you're basically lying about not trusting her. I talked to my wife about wanting a paternity test (because of multiple close friends that have been betrayed by women they thought loved them) well before we were married, and well before we started talking about children. It's not just insecurity, but that is a big factor, and expressing your concerns in the context of positive well grounded communication usually promotes understanding instead of anger.

[@matheuslopez578]

@@tallskinnygeek your course of action is the best way to handle this, I'd do the same. But sadly very few people think that ahead. I wouldn't say it's a lie the excuse of the hospital exchange, in my opinion it should be your second concern when having a child (if the first is the cheating)

[@SraTacoMal]

I would take that as a flimsy attempt to cover up the real reason for wanting the test. But I don't mind just being asked to do a paternity test. I don't cheat, and sometimes interesting, rare things can be discovered, like chimerism. However, on its own, it's a good idea. Or at least, if a paternity test comes back negative, next do a maternity test; if the maternity test is positive and mom is now on a mission to prove she didn't cheat, do other genetic testing to find out why the test came back negative for dad despite him actually being the dad

[@OldManAndTheSeaOfTooManyCats]

How about: “Let’s do the test to make sure another man didn’t hide his baby inside you.”

[@Neopumper666]

Counter point: Mom: why pay both? I'll take the test and then we'll know

[@HobieInTheBox]

15:35 he should've communicated with OP to somehow deal with this insecurity without it assuming that OP possibly cheated on him. He could've even pointed out how babies constantly get swapped at hospitals, but no. Edit: there is an update, the husband is the dad, but there are updates where the situation went downhill.

[@FreakoftheAngels]

How so

[@gl00myb3ars]

@@FreakoftheAngels she couldn't say due to legal issues.

[@amandab8433]

My husband and I just listened to this. He said that she should said OK, but he'd have to get monthly STD tests and have a shared password deal to EVERYTHING, so that she could make sure that he wasn't cheating either, because she's read to many Reddit stories of people who are cheating and gaslighting their partners and pushing the blame on them.

[@RealCoolstriker64]

@@amandab8433or, hear me out: be a grown up. And realize that men a human beings with doubts and worries and irrational fears. Have some fucking empathy and talk about *WHY* he feels that way. Because from what little OP *did* say about the husband, it didn’t seem like he thought she cheated. It seemed like all he cared about was if the baby he was raising was his. *That’s* an insecurity. Op decided to take it personally when (if she WAS telling the truth about doing “nothing to give him a reason to suspect”) this had nothing to do with her.

[@Milk-ck1wv]

@@RealCoolstriker64 and how would a baby get into her stomach if it wasn't his. She'd have to cheat! Its fine to have fears and insecurities but those things are affecting his marriage! He should get some kind of counseling or help to get rid of those if he trust her so much.

[@MsNikkyD]

Randomly asking for a paternity test because the internet is full of stories of guys raising kids that aren't there's is kinda like asking your partner to get an STD test every time they have a night out without you because the internet is full of stories about people cheating and giving something to their partner.

[@yougsa]

Which is fair asf.

[@LLandS18]

It's almost like all those stories aren't true. Or it's almost like your algorithm knows you like those stories so they pull those stories to the front for you. You are on an echo chamber when you are on the internet. Like I like historical documentaries and things about dogs. That's all. My internet feed is. Are those two things. And then some cooking stuff thrown in because once in a while look up some recipes. Don't think that the echo chamber of the internet with its algorithms that are designed to keep you online longer are reflective of reality. Also, that study that everybody likes to quote from the '90s. Is completely inaccurate. And completely unethical and has never ever not once no matter how many times they try to re-replicate it ever come up with those much of a high numbers. Because the sample size that they use was extremely skewed in order to give them that percentage. They went with people who are in open relationships or known their partner was cheating. Well. Of course that's going to give you a really high percentage. But even in that skewed study that's not ethical. That's been rated. Poor to awful as a study. Only got 30%. Any study that was replicated using a broader spectrum. More people and with more ethics the number that they come to is 2 to 5%. Also if you want to paternity test You need to be open and honest with that at the beginning of a relationship. Not after somebody's got pregnant, not after somebody's postpartum when it's one of the most vulnerable times in your life. Because you're spending anywhere from 48 to 56 hours a week. Breastfeeding. That you're on a precarious ledge of not having enough calcium. Because if you don't have enough calcium, your body will literally take calcium out of your bones to feed your baby. Your teeth will right out of your head. So you need to do it before you even sleep together in a relationship. And that way your partner has the right to decide. If that's something they're willing to deal with. You don't get to drop it like a bomb. Also yes the act of asking somebody for paternity tests is just like calling them a cheater. Because life is nuanced and full of shades of gray. Just because he doesn't come out and say it doesn't mean that's not what he's asking. The fact of the matter is a partner has the right to be upset when somebody accuses them of one of the worst things you can be accused of. That isn't a crime. They have the right to leave that relationship when somebody questions who they are at the most fundamental level of human decency. So yes, you have the right to ask but she has the right to leave.

[@silverflight01]

Story 4 (Car Crash): Cheese and rice, the late ex-wife is a toxic cheater and was willing to drain OP of all of his money, turn everyone against him, and ruin his career. No wonder OP considered the crash a blessing, as morbid as it sounds. If someone willing to ruin every aspect of my life died, I would've considered it a blessing too.

[@Yumi_Jay]

Technically if a child is born during the course of a marriage it is considered the husband is the father even when it is not biologically his. No wonder why the late ex-wife didn't want to go through the divorce. It is sad that her baby didn't get a chance to live cause of who their parents were.

[@Dragonmaster0118]

@@Yumi_Jayplus he gets all her money and all his stuff back.

[@charleneblack2792]

Wtf is wrong with you people? Morality, graciousness, and respect are completely dead in this society. I'm not religious in the least, but I agree they need to bring God back. You fckn people need it bad.

[@skunkrat01]

Sorry I was thrown by the "cheese and rice" bit 😅 I'm Aussie, may be slang that hasn't translated lol Do you mind helping me out?

[@clubpenguin13531]

@@skunkrat01 it's a roundabout way of exclaiming "Jesus Christ!"

[@Someone_somewhere_Someway]

The sixth story, about the paternity test, has like two updates. The first update she said they were going to go to therapy(couple and individual) to try and work it out and then in the final update she said she couldn't say much because she was talking with a divorce lawyer. So to those wondering if she goes through with it there you have it

[@Kipicus]

You’re doing god’s work.

[@Someone_somewhere_Someway]

@@Kipicus Thank you I do what I can

[@Sporkyboi]

I don’t think rSlash understands the absolute gut wrenching feeling OP felt on the last story. Her best friend, her partner, the father of her child basically said “I don’t trust you.” That is DEVASTATING. Who cares if he read stories about cheating, the fact he can’t trust his partner is a deal breaker. In a further note: I am for paternity and maternity tests for all parents and children to ensure a baby wasn’t swapped at birth, but the way OPs husband approached it would be heart breaking.

[@jaebyrd4608]

Kind of but under the circumstances I think a lot of men get scared and start asking those sort of questions even if they don’t voice it. I understand being hurt but it’s possible they could have worked through it perhaps with some family counseling but I get that can be difficult for some people to get over especially if they had no inkling that there was any issues on the horizon. but I agree the way it was worded in the post made it seem more like an accusation that an inquisition.

[@vhaelen326]

women have the luxury of knowing 100% that the child growin in their body is theirs and (aside from switchouts in hospitals which is allready a reason to get tests done) 100% guarantee that the baby they bring home is theirs, men dont have that luxury, and yes this is about trust but then again so is bringing home a receipt when buying groceries, when you ask your partner for a receipt so you can add the expenses to the weekly/monthly expense calculations and he says "why, dont you trust me?" youd call him an idiot and would say "i do trust you but id still like it on paper so i can be absolutely sure" but when its about something that happens all over the world, in all layers of society suddenly its a deal breaker? sorry but i disagree, i dont have the luxury of a guarantee in that regard and i have dealt with enough women to know that some of them are snakes but you only learn of that when shit hits the fan, ive been in long term relationships where i wouldve trusted them with my life only to learn later that im lucky i didnt have to rely on them with my life. and youre a fucking hypocrite. youre for MAternity and PAternity tests for all parents to make sure there are no swapped babies? well if its about 'tRuSt' you wouldnt need BOTH tests now would you? either a paternity test or a maternity test would be enough to prove the baby wasnt swapped and fyi you can at the same time trust someone AND ask for a confirmation that your trust is waranted

[@torakuro1444]

@@vhaelen326 I understand your point, but comparing receip to a paternity test is pretty messed up. And you don't have to be that rude with people who only make a comment about their opinion, they weren't even disrespectful. But you are. So calm down a bit, looking like you are taking this a little too much personal. Don't need to escalated for something like that. Be respectful, people have the right on their own opinion if said respectfully, that's is not your case.

[@vhaelen326]

@@torakuro1444 thats mainly because i dont feign respect for people i in fact dont respect, ofc even selfrightious idiots are entitled to their opinions afterall Here i am being a selfrightious idiot with an opinion the only Differenz is that i dont engage in unneeded plesantries to spare someones Feelings, If their Feelings are hurt from a random Moron in the Internet they probably shouldnt be Here in the First place

[@ceig1]

@@vhaelen326huh? Of course I’d trust what he told me about a grocery receipt. I would hate to be in a relationship where I questioned something so minor. Just tell your girl you want a test when you discuss having children. Then she’s not blindsided during the most vulnerable time of her life.

[@silverflight01]

Story 2: Uh…if she wanted to get her business off the ground, and it wasn't adult in nature as she claims, then why was she using OF, and why with the family first? This is so strange. She definitely is using OF for some…well…18+ stuff

[@Demyxu]

Don't forget she didn't hand out a card to the gay couple too. Absolutely selling out sexual stuff on her OF.

[@MikayaAkyo]

Not only, why is she using OF and why the Family first. Why SPECIFICALLY only the SOs of her bio-family EXCEPT for the Gay dude? It's clear that her OF is her nudes at this point because the Gift has 3 criterias to recieve: - Be Straight - Be Male - Be not biologically related to me So yeah....

[@ZombieSazza]

Whole thing is creepy AF

[@BeanManolo]

@@Demyxu Exactly. She only handed out to the man that married into the family, except for the only gay guy? Yeah, she knows very well what she's doing, and is totally adult content, hence why she avoided anyone directly related to her, and the only guy who'd obviously not be into her 'content'

[@purpledrea45]

Yeah she’s sick in the head dude. Why hand that shit out to ppls husbands? It’s like she wants to get her ass kicked or something.

[@Beeezledrop]

The Story about the cousin's gift is a blessing in disguise. It showed OP her fiance's true colors before she got in too deep.

[@F1fangirl96]

Saved her an expensive divorce process too

[@audreym3908]

@@F1fangirl96 and an expensive wedding

[@Bigplaya_]

and having Kids with him

[@nationalinstituteofcheese3012]

Ya the cousin lucked out with a husband who told her

[@poohbear4515]

I hope cousin has a falling out and her OFs sight doesn’t get her enough money to live and she’s begging those she hurt in her family for help, but they tell her to sleep with others for money before shutting her out. I don’t care if that’s cruel, she started it.

[@mss.nthng13]

I told my boyfriend, the one who asked for the baby in the first place, that if he felt the need to test OUR son that he had 9 months to do so. He wasn’t going to spend my whole pregnancy loving and accepting and preparing for our baby just to turn around and insult me in the hospital. He had plenty of time to make certain that’s his son if he wanted, and he if chose not to then that means he accepts his son as his. There’s no possible way it my *11 month old* baby isn’t his because I haven’t been with anyone but my boyfriend in over three years. IF that baby isn’t his, then the only way would be if we got the wrong baby from the hospital. My baby looks exactly like his father and his older siblings and if this man were to ever ask for a test now, I’d tell him no and leave his ass too

[@Ninja12651]

As someone who lived in Florida , smaller children are especially at risk for alligator attacks. That husbands negligence could’ve made him the dad of one less kid. It’s lucky the cop found the kid when they did.

[@Netherdrop]

I mean... That means one less kid to interrupt his gaming, sounds like a win, doesn't it? (Heavy sarcasm)

[@abiean222]

honestly, they are lucky that the cops didn't take the kids away for child abuse.

[@fdm2155]

That story made my blood pressure rise. What kind of parent would be THIS negligent, THIS often? They are just fortunate the children were never seriously harmed do to his selfishness.

[@trumediamix1]

Me, who was able to raise a Feraligatr as a little kid in Ohio: *"Pathetic"* My attempt at clever Pokémon humor aside, I admittedly never knew they never lived in Florida to begin with, tbh.

[@bilistooka_go_boom]

My husband and I already decided if we ever have kids, as soon as we get home from the hospital, both of us are taking a test. Not because we don't trust each other, but because mistakes do happen. They are rare but they do happen.

[@MissAlandra]

In that case suggest asking for the test while in the hospital, just so you don't have to jump the various legal loops of having a baby you signed as yours that turns out it's not.

[@ifoundhisjams4075]

I think that’s a good decision

[@Twinklethefox9022]

Yeah I also disagree with op but not for the reason why rslash said. Well the first part.

[@11epicnoob]

This is a good reason. I've heard that there has been improvements to decrease or even flat out negate it and abducting babies

[@sabrinastratton1991]

Most hospitals, thr baby rooms with you and they wear an alarm on their ankles. And the father/partner is encouraged to go with the baby for the newborn screenings

[@seekernova1288]

I don't think I've ever disagreed with Rslash more than I do on the last story. This wasn't a one moment of doubt on the father's part, he told her that HE didn't think the relationship would be able to continue without one. Not having one was his line in the sand and HE blindsided her. Should they have talked about what was causing the doubt, why now, and all that other stuff? Yeah, but he drew the line, she just paralleled it.

[@filipe.sm31]

Once he had the fear of the child not being his (which is completely understandable bc women can cheat), there is really no way to the relationship to continue if a test isn't done. If she refuses to take a test, it pretty much says that she cheated.

[@dings7301]

Fr he actin like she's out of line 😭 I wanna see him ask his wife outta nowhere to take a paternity test. Not like you accusing her of cheating you just gotta be sure 😂

[@bryn1063]

@@filipe.sm31 They took it an she's his kid. He blew up his relationship over nothing.

[@th3dudeabides1]

Oh shut up. You are probably one of those cheaters who would trick a guy like that

[@owowhatsthis555]

Only thing I can agree with Rslash is if the family has been putting seeds of doubt into the husband, I went thru similar bs with my family poisoning my mind with doubt for different reason but yeah husband might have not thought of it and made a decision but the fault of his is not communicating it well with his wife, sadly not everyone knows how to communicate in relationships some people aren’t taught to talk about their feeling when they are raised so I see why Rslash made the comment but he does seem to sound like he’s blaming the wife

[@sixxsoup]

the last story: If that's the amount of trust he has in OP, then it's just the right choice to break up. I'm completely on OPs side.

[@aurorarowley7310]

There's updates to that story. Updates that I WISH Rslash would pay attention to before posting his videos. She ends up leaving him, but couldn't say why because her lawyer warned her not to. This was AFTER they did the paternity test, proving he was the father, and she wanted therapy and to feel understood in her feelings while he wanted to simply move on like he had never questioned his trust in her. To me, what it sounds like is the guy was slowly adjusting op to being a*used so he could control her. But we'll never know until the court stuff is done.

[@jay2thaudy]

Exactly he would have kept accusing her. There was a story like this and when it came back positive for paternity the father STILL didn't believe it.

[@aurorarowley7310]

@@jay2thaudy this was actually different. He stopped accusing her, he just refused to acknowledge damaging the relationship and wanted to continue with the relationship like he had never accused her in the first place. There's more details in my reply above yours if want a little more on the situation for this op.

[@Lordofthelosers01]

​@@aurorarowley7310 I don't know if the ex was adjusting her to control her but I do agree that him not acknowledging that requesting the paternity test as being a sign of distrust is idiotic.

[@susami_]

rSlash, there were updates on the last story. They did the test, she didn't leave at first. Next update: she did leave and said things got bad, did not elaborate more on that because of an ongoing legal case.

[@spicydevilartz]

I hope op in that story is doing okay, legal whit is always so messy and complicated

[@kvproductions2581]

@@spicydevilartz How about you hope that the husband is doing ok too sometimes? Seeing the constant bias in that story when she's the one who maliciously planned to blindside him for asking a perfectly transparent and underestandable request is gross

[@kerribottriell-baxter7345]

Yeah, I heard that part. So it sounds like there may be more later.

[@ihategmailpasswords]

@@kvproductions2581 it's a reasonable request until it's turned into an ultimatum with no explanation. especially to a faithful partner dealing with post partum depression, the father's random shift in thinking also reads as a blindside accusation during a very emotionally vulnerable moment. his request WOULD HAVE been understandable and transparent, had he explained anything. but he didn't offer any insight into his thought process, so it's unfair to shame OP for not knowing the intentions he didn't make clear... neither responded in an emotionally intelligent way, but to claim that his request was entirely without fault is disingenuous.

[@isak7753]

@@kvproductions2581because if it got bad, that means the husband got worse.

[@sattelyte5316]

If someone who I had my complete trust in went up to me and said something akin to "I don't trust you", it would stay with me forever.

[@valeriucb6497]

Honestly didnt know what to expect with the car crash story but hearing the list of things she tried to do was genuinely horrifying...hopefully OP can fix up everything she tried to ruin and live a clean life, at least sometimes there is justice in the world..

[@abiean222]

i'm sad about the death of the baby, but OP's ex and her friends are absolute jerks. you can totally tell, because not only where they all okay with letting the boyfriend drive drunk, but also with their pregnant friend getting drunk. fetal alcohol syndrome is horrible and all mothers who drink heavily while pregnant should never be allowed to have children again.

[@qzy-179SanTzxkW]

I wouldn't be able to live in the same house where all that happened after. Not because someone i once cared about just died, but because of what happened year(s) before. Probably emptied it out and up for sale.

[@C.G.Gaster]

​​​@@abiean222while it does suck, at least that kid wouldn't have to suffer outside if her

[@valeriucb6497]

@@C.G.Gaster Gotta agree here tbh...although if he was born in the first place I wonder if OP would have been the one to care for him , any outcome seems horrible for that child...from living with his mother to his grandparents , foster care , although if OP treated him well I still can't imagine how that relationship would function...

[@C.G.Gaster]

@@valeriucb6497 well that's also something I would be worried about. This is the child of two people who worked to ruin his life, would OP be able to understand the situation and give this child life and care, or would he be abusive because of his blind hatred for those two? Even if we see OP as a victim here, it doesn't mean he is all good either. Pessimistic I know, but I feel this is best out come the wife and her ex got their just desserts, op is finally free and able to move on, and the child didn't have to experience pain and suffering with the same kind of sentience like you and me.

[@kevintull3302]

Paternity story: I would ask my wife for a paternity test because I got diagnosed that I can have children maybe a 2% chance. But I would tell my wife that so that she can understand me. And I would talk to her about that beforehand. Because building trust is really difficult and needs a lot of work but destroying it is done fast

[@spicydevilartz]

This I'd say would be a good way to handle it, communicate is key after all

[@AllieAllieOxenFree21]

Yeah God forbid you just walk in after work, ask for one, do not elaborate, ominously comment about how serious you are, and walk away. It's almost like that might f*ck up your relationship.

[@ReigoVassal]

@@AllieAllieOxenFree21 you just sum up "how to nuke your relationship with one easy step"

[@Someone-or8tp]

@@ReigoVassal nah nah nah nah that's 4 or 5 steps actually, which is worse, because you have like 3 or 4 chances throughout the exchange to fix the issue and choose not to at every turn.

[@TsukiKageTora]

It’s not just one moment of insecurity, it’s one moment that broke down the years of built trust in a relationship cause a man doesn’t trust his wife. He is entitled to the paternity test, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t entitled to the consequences of asking for it. He made it known that he doesn’t trust his wife to not spread her legs for another man. That kind of break of trust will never heal to what it once was.

[@auberginebear]

Story 5: I agree, paternity/maternity tests before giving babies to parents should be standard, even if the baby is IVF conceived, because that would be able to help prove if the chosen sperm (whether partners or donors) was actually used.

[@juliaboskamp9666]

yes i have heard stories of doctors throwing out the partner's semen and replacing it with their own so that the baby that is then born is actually the doctor's and not the person the woman wants to have a baby

[@auberginebear]

@@juliaboskamp9666 there's a Netflix documentary called Our Father about 1 of many doctors who has done it. And that's just 1 ofany issues in the infertility industry!

[@Ikajo]

@@juliaboskamp9666 There have been a whole bunch of such scandals, to my knowledge. At least in the USA. Don't know about other places. Might be less common in countries without private healthcare. Since you are more anonymous (speaking from experience).

[@juliaboskamp9666]

@@auberginebear yes that guy now has 94 children from sperm donation and they are still counting how many children he has fathered through illegal IVF

[@Warrior_of_Symbolica]

Yes yes YES! Imagine how many swapped babies, IVF crimes and other things having standard paternity testing will prevent! It's not just about the possibility of cheating, it's also about giving fathers the same security mothers inherently get. I really hope we can work towards that equal playing field at some point. I want all the dads in the world to get the same security in their parenthood as we do.

[@juanhaines7295]

Title story I heard this one before. A lot of people gave op bs for being happy she's dead. Imagine someone tries to ruin your entire life and take all your belongings. You tell me you wouldn't be happy they are gone.

[@Bean-kh9cu]

Honestly; i would be happy

[@shadowmewfred09]

Imagine if the genders were reversed? Would people be giving op bs for being happy then?

[@RandomTrinidadian]

The holier than thou crowd are cancer. Every single one of them

[@supervegito2277]

Id say more relieved and content than happy, but i get your point.

[@thetruth1816]

Op is a dude so reedit immediately they'll bury him...

[@kabbf]

Re: the last story. I've found that often a partner will project their own actions onto you. (Yeah, I've been cheated on, then accused of cheating.)

[@susangrande8142]

Yep, me too.

[@ThEjOkErIsWiLd00]

In regards to the story of Anna and her unusual xmas gifts, Plot twist: Anna can see who's subbed to her, or the males she gave the envelopes to personally contacted her through OF, and since she's the black sheep of the family anyways, she decided to expose them in the most interesting and chaotic way possible cuz she just doesn't gaf.

[@Nyghtking]

Would have been good if that was the actual intention.

[@damienhailey118]

The problem with the last story, r/Slash, is that asking for a paternity test, especially after the fact, carries an implicit accusation of infidelity. If you want it to be something done automatically, you need to discuss that *before* the pregnancy.

[@_gamersloth]

Rslash is such a bitch sometimes.

[@Slavino]

Imma be real with you. If your relationship can't withstand a paternity test, it was too fragile to begin with.

[@ElkiaStellar]

@@Slavino imma be real with you. If you don't trust your own wife to the point of asking for a paternity test even though your child is a carbon copy of you, you need therapy instead of a paternity test.

[@OwoeAcrossTheBoard]

@@Slavino the issue is trust. Trust is IMPORTANT in a relationship and if you no longer trust that person, why be in a relationship with them? I mean honestly going down a rabbit hole made him think it might not be his, that's some messed up trust issues.

[@rustypudder313]

Implication? Know what’s not implied? 18 years of cash and commitments

[@CrimsonCateye]

On the paternity test story, the husband literally said the only way the relationship could move forward is if they did the test. He didnt ask "did you cheat" or "is it possible". He flat out says he wants the test as if he knew she had been cheating. Additionally he may have done things prior that made her question the relationship. I can understand her wanting to end things due to his lack of trust

[@seb3209]

I think its more about the fact that once you ask for a paternity test and your partner refuses, any latent insecurity will become 10x bigger. So its not that he knew she was cheating, but her act of refusal would make him think that.

[@mariposa9506]

@@seb3209 Sure, but he thought that already, or at least suspected she was capable of it, it's why he asked.

[@seb3209]

@@mariposa9506 I think there is a MAJOR difference between thinking they are capable of it and thinking they actually cheated. I don't think there is a single person on the planet who I would say with complete and absolute confidence would be "INCAPABLE" of cheating.

[@mariposa9506]

@@seb3209 I don't check my husband's phone and don't require him to get tested monthly for stds on the idea he could have cheated when I wasn't looking, even though ditching an std could have an enormous impact on my health and life. He's given me no reason to suspect him, what's the point of me asking for these proofs? Why should I hurt him doubting his integrity asking for this? Why would I need to "just check" when he gives me no reason to suspect?

[@seb3209]

@@mariposa9506 I don't think you should have him test monthly. But there are large substantive differences between that example and a paternity test. Checking his phone (without consent at least) is just a privacy violation and incomparable to a consensual act so I wont entertain it, but the std test example is more interesting. Firstly, a paternity test is done once and only once - this is important because it lowers the 'cost'' of taking it and thus reduces the level of distrust you would be expected to have in your partner in order to be justified in wanting it. You would need a much higher amount of distrust to subject yourself or him to monthly std checks as this would be both financially costly and costly in terms of convenience. Secondly, nobody but your husband is inconvenienced by a paternity test - only your agreement is necessary and nothing else, whereas, in the std test example it is you expecting your husband to do something. Thirdly, ensuring that a child is yours seems a little more important to me than ensuring your partner has engaged in infidelity (or has stds but im guessing that's tangential to your main point which is infidelity) - its not the infidelity that you are most concerned about and this is not a clear cut, or even remotely effective, test for it - it is the peace of mind you obtain by eliminating all possible doubt that the child you are about to commit the best part of the rest of your life raising is actually yours. Perhaps a more suitable comparison would be a test for a hypothetical 100% mortality rate Std that only needs to be tested once. Would you be as against doing such a test just because you can trust your husband, when the risks are so extremely high and the precaution so accessible? Lastly, people are entitled to suspect by the very nature of the other person being an imperfect human, and considering the accessibility of paternity tests, I think the threshold of suspicion required to get one should be very low.

[@diannagoudeau1220]

Last story: I think it's about trust on both sides. OP feels like he should trust her enough to not need it. I think its a very reasonable line that she is being accused of one of the biggest betrayals in a relationship bc even if it's a common horror story it still is reflecting terribly on the woman and on her character. With OPs updates, I don't think they were ready for children and she accidentally got pregnant.

[@MrDoverfield]

OP almost so sound immature. If you don’t trust 100% time I don’t want to be with hmmmm *pouty face*

[@fdm2155]

The guy would have done better to start with the full story: ie he'd been reading a lot of social media stuff and it was making him anxious even though he never mistrusted his partner. Human beings are complicated and we can have opposing beliefs simultaneously. They clearly didn't have the kind of communication to weather this issue.

[@eternalredxd]

These days, people can be really deceptive under a perfect smile. Your partner could be everything you could ever want and still be cheating behind your back. Not to mention the stories of mixed up babies at hospitals. I agree the bf should’ve explained himself more to justify his reasoning, but to end the relationship for in insecurity that’s becoming more and more common.? I’d have to agree with rSlash. It’s unfortunate that other cheaters are making it an all too common issue to look out for nowadays

[@prettyangel0921]

@@eternalredxd and if you are with someone you think it’s capable of such bs you should end that relationship immediately.

[@mitchverr9330]

@@prettyangel0921 The problem with that is, pretty much anyone could be possible of that, you will never, truly know if your partner is capable of it till its too late. The problem is that if you have total faith in your partner, you will never know when they lie to you because you are blind to that trust, which can cause many to have paranoid thoughts.

[@gamemeister9328]

On that first story, I honestly used to game when my daughter was a baby because I could legit hold her and play. But once she got old enough to understand, I stopped playing mature games and eventually WE game together. So…now we play video games together so I don’t understand how this guy can leave his kids so isolated. Even now as my daughter is able to be on her own my door is always open and since my room is next to hers when I die in R6, Smite etc I quickly pop my head in before I respawn/ start a new game.

[@Alex-sv7vt]

That OP said her children are on the autistic spectrum, so I bed that waste-of-space father doesn't want to deal with them. That's why he locks the door. It's his "me time" that he doesn't want to share with the kids. I feel you. I'm hoping to have kids in the next 2 years, and I'd love to include them in my and my fiancé's hobby

[@kitdoesstuff_official]

That's insanely sweet! I hope when your daughter is old enough, you're able to play games like Miitopia or Pokémon together

[@AirknightTails]

​@@kitdoesstuff_official I agree. Start with Pokemon as it's a nice experience for a Youngin (Especially either the Switch Games or Gen 1 on Game Boy) OT: Nice to see another Smite Player here :D

[@gamemeister9328]

@@kitdoesstuff_official she has a passing interest in Pokémon. She’s more of a Roblox, Minecraft, Sonic and Mario gamer but I’m starting her off slowly like with Golden Axe and probably the original Pokémon Yellow just as my mom did with me.

[@kitdoesstuff_official]

@@gamemeister9328 aww that's really sweet! Pokémon Gold and Red was my first experience with videogames thanks to my uncle. And keep and eye on her playing Roblox. It may be a silly kids game but there can be disgusting people on it. Would recommend watching Ruben Sim talking abd exposing those people. Or Visual Venture.

[@YuliaFok]

For the last story. It all depends on the relationship, trust and how it was communicated. In my relationship, I would be absolutely devastated if my husband would ask me such thing, especially if I had just given birth. If the guys was super paranoid, or was cheated on previously, there might be a way to address it without causing harm, but here it sounds super devastating.

[@Rj-ij6ko]

Paternity Test Story: I dont care if this sounds harsh: paternity tests should be done when the child is born. Not just to be sure who the father is, but to make sure the hospital didn’t accidentally mix up the baby

[@comradekitty3759]

Exactly before the kid leaves and before that birth certificate is signed

[@NEPAAlchey]

They day you sign the birth certificate it should be done and results should be in hand.

[@LordBummingtonThe3rd]

Awkward moment when the test is positive but the baby had already been swapped.

[@comradekitty3759]

@@LordBummingtonThe3rd 🤣

[@aeh4411]

That’s a good idea, except it might cause the pregnant person to avoid going to the hospital to give birth if they’ve been cheating. They shouldn’t have been cheating, but they should also feel safe to go get proper medical care for something as risky as birth. Just a thought!

[@mavis4801]

The paternity test is a good idea. If memory serves, I think rSlash read a story a few years ago about a dad that took a paternity test and found out the baby wasn't his. The woman was confused because she didn't cheat so she did a paternity test and found out the baby wasn't hers either.

[@jkissinger2]

You are correct. He did. The baby wasn't his or hers. For the story on this video, if dude would've came up to OP and say, "So I've been doing some reading of stories about babies being switched at birth..." the conversation would've gone way differently.

[@Slavino]

@@jkissinger2 victim blaming

[@DragonbornMike-ym2er]

@@jkissinger2 but he shouldn't have to say that. A man should be allowed to know for sure whether or not the kid is theirs. The legal system does nothing about paternity fraud for alot of people. So it's up to men to protect themselves until the system actually changes.

[@ifoundhisjams4075]

@@jkissinger2 literally he gave her an ultimatum he should’ve approached it differently

[@ifoundhisjams4075]

@@DragonbornMike-ym2er but he should tho, in the updates she said she had post partum if he had simply communicated why he wanted one it wouldn’t have gone that far. Right now he’s basically accusing OP of cheating and not trusting her. And the most important features of a relationship are trust and communication which he failed on both parts. In the update she said she booked the paternity tests and then decided to talk to him about why he was feeling that way and why she was hurt by it, then he proceeded to say “you’d leave just because of something so small” but it’s not small tho is it? Finding out ur partner doesn’t trust you and thinks ur evil enough to lie to him and make him raise a kid that ain’t his is so mean. Even after finding out he was the father he never apologised for that.

[@IceAgePrincess1]

If I was in the same place as the wife from the last story, I would be hurt and angry by the husband asking for a paternity test. If I was 100% faithful to a man, and he asked for a paternity test for our baby out of the blue, I would feel betrayed. I would feel like my own husband doesn’t trust me for a reason that he refuses to tell me. I would definitely want to end that relationship, and I think the wife wanting to get divorced is justified. The fact that cheating while being married is so common is NOT a valid reason to unexpectedly stop trusting your partner, especially if you refuse to give a reason that you stopped trusting them. If the husband in the story was truly anxious enough that he started believing there was a real possibility his wife was cheating on him, the appropriate way to handle how he felt would’ve been to share his thoughts and feelings with his wife, explain why he has those thoughts/feelings (if possible) and seek professional therapy. Asking for a paternity test outright was the wrong way to handle his anxiety/suspicion. The wife also probably should have explained to her husband that him asking for a paternity test out of the blue hurt and angered her, and made her feel like he was suddenly not trusting her without a valid reason. And then professional therapy should have come into the picture. Ending the marriage relationship may be a justified result of what happened, but seeking professional therapy to untangle everything that both the husband and wife were feeling/thinking first would also be a smart idea. That way the root problem might be discovered and solved without divorce. Or it could support getting divorced.

[@KayBbyXOXOXO]

Honestly, I also couldn’t marry someone who doesn’t trust me. That’s just how it is. Relationships are based on trust and if there isn’t trust, there just isn’t a relationship.

[@TheGuruStud]

You can't trust women. 30% paternity test failure rate.

[@Diamondr11Blue]

This is the same thing peoooe say before they cheat lol

[@jerikafaye2315]

Lol trust is for cheaters is a very Reddit take.

[@kristenmagann6172]

@@jerikafaye2315 seriously people need to go outside more. Not everyone is a cheater, a baby trapper, parentification expert, etc. Half the stories on Reddit are made up for karma farming, which is why we are here, to be entertained. The majority of parents who have babies inside their marriages have zero need for paternity tests. Switched babies can happen but it is so very very rare. People in these comments and Rslash act like real life is a giant Maury episode and I bet Rslash didn't have a paternity test, just saying. He would be bragging about it if so.

[@mariposa9506]

@@Diamondr11Blue So would you be ok with being asked to check your purse before leaving a relatives house to make sure you didn't take anything? You don't expect to be trusted do you? That's what a thief woukd say.

[@geckokid8265]

I like how Rslash says "women have 100% certainty the child is theirs" after saying women should have a maternity test because the child could be swapped

[@requiemslullaby3657]

Yeaaaah, a kid can totally be swapped out in the womb. Either you didn't listen to all his reasons or you're trying to gaslight people into getting pissy. He already covered the fact that hospital nurses can intentionally or unintentionally swap BORN children.

[@CathySW]

@@requiemslullaby3657 Reading comprehension isn't your strong point is it, numb nuts?

[@codyjohnson6427]

@@requiemslullaby3657 not all babies are born with a wide awake mother seeing everything. Some babies have to be in intensive care immediately

[@ReigoVassal]

If men can ask for paternity test to make sure their wife didn't cheat. Then there's should be a test to make sure a guy doesn't have a kid from someone else that's not his wife. There's some exception about it, like the ex or something. I'm a guy and I demand equality

[@ravzy]

Same. He's starting to get way too personal and show some true colors lately.

[@thehangmansdaughter1120]

When I was pregnant with our twins my exe's family got in his ear about a paternity test. I was more than willing to get it done, I knew who their Dad was after all. I told him this several times. My exe wasn't so pleased. He told his mother if she ever mentioned it again he would cut off all contact with her and she'd never see the twins again.

[@audreym3908]

Story 2: Shout-out to Rachel's bf for being an amazing partner and showed his gf what Anna gave the non-blooded/straight guys!

[@pollypockets508]

Amen! And fuck Anna. And the FI

[@SoosLives]

The last post, it’s not so much he asked for a paternity test, but the way he had a lack of trust he had to ask her for it. Imagine you being in a completely loving relationship then all of a sudden your partner asks you for something that makes you question whenever or not he trusts you at all. I’m sure you’ll start questioning whether they’ll trust you to go out with friends or a work trip. I know paternity tests are becoming more and more common in stable relationships, but I think it should be discussed before even trying for a baby or early in the pregnancy. Not be asked for completely out of the blue.

[@BlueSaved]

I'm sorry, but I can't agree with your assessment of the last story. He isn't nervous about swapped babies, he's accusing her of being unfaithful. Instead of telling her about the paranoia that's building in him and talking it out, he demands a paternity test or the relationship is over. She had to drag the reason out of him, and that didn't even help since it confirms he doesn't trust her. Trust is key to a marriage. She can't stay with someone if there's no trust. I wouldn't share a bed with someone accusing me of adultery. It's a betrayal, not a trivial disagreement.

[@jokerzyo]

Yes a partner should not get suspicious for no reason. If you don't trust your partner after that long it's 100% a shit bag thing to do.

[@233kosta]

What if you don't trust yourself to be a good enough judge of character?

[@jokerzyo]

@@233kosta then you dont trust yourself enough to be loving a partner. If you can't work on yourself before getting into a new relationship that's equally a shit bag thing to do.

[@233kosta]

@@jokerzyo You're right. I don't. I can't. And I would argue that no guy really can. Not when you have precisely ZERO recourse for failing to spot a liar or manipulator and you will be put through the wringer regardless. No amount of working on yourself will fix a system that by default will FORCE a man to pay for a child which everyone knows isn't his, never mind restitution after the fact. A relationship or even a family sounds really nice, but logistically it's simply not on the cards.

[@jokerzyo]

@@233kosta oh your one of the men's rights people. This is over. If you keep getting cheated on you might want to look at the common denominator... YOU

[@jokerzyo]

@@233kosta go cry elsewhere snowflake

[@josiedavis5994]

The last story: I understand a man wanting a test to ensure their child is there. Where I draw the line is bringing it out of no where when concerns were never brought up. He didn’t have a sit down conversation and when she voiced her feelings he dismissed her and made her feel crazy for being hurt. He didn’t want to have a conversation with her and just cut throat the conversation.

[@svr5423]

so there is a protocol? It's not really about feelings.

[@ReigoVassal]

@@svr5423if you have insecurities, you talk to your partner. Accusing them of cheating, usually with asking paternity test out of the blue, is the easiest way to destroy your relationship.

[@williamhoskin5703]

@@svr5423old men need to get off the internet, you guys are killing my brain cells

[@svr5423]

@@williamhoskin5703 you have brain cells?

[@Mynx_KO]

I'm petitioning for a new rule: Dabney MUST ask his wife for a paternity test if he wants to have this stance. 😂😂

[@gillianmckenzie3018]

THIS OMG YES!

[@jakuth99]

Did he?

[@belladonnapond7095]

@@jakuth99 no, he never did. Says he didn’t feel the need. Which is frustrating because how can he preach this all and then not feel the need to at all? Obviously it’s a big deal in most relationships, even if it’s not in his.

[@faithlukoson6013]

@@belladonnapond7095 Exactly, I thought the same too, if he didn't feel the need why have this stance. It's conflicting, he should ask his wife for one since he feels so strongly about it

[@selfmadebandit]

@@belladonnapond7095ok

[@Samantha-xp8cn]

Rslash, the OP’s husband didn’t just “ask” for a paternity test and “express his feelings.” He literally made an ultimatum and the underlying feeling behind that ultimatum is, “I have doubts and I don’t trust you.” It literally means that he believes she could actually cheat and lie about something of this magnitude. He said he was serious about it and it was necessary for this relationship to move forward. It’s an ultimatum. It means, “do this, or I’m leaving you.” He’s allowed to have his feelings, but so is she. That would hurt immensely if my partner did that to me. If they really believe I could do something like that, why be with me at all?

[@svr5423]

It's not about feelings. If he already had to do an ultimatum to know if it's his, there was already something wrong in the relationship. Paternity test should have been done after birth. Making a fuzz about it sounds very suspicious.

[@Samantha-xp8cn]

@@svr5423 I think you’re probably right, but we can only go off of what OP said. There’s actually an update that she made where he admitted to her that he randomly read an article about how a guy found out about his kids never actually being his 20 years after they were born. That led to OP’s boyfriend going down a rabbit hole of watching KZbinrs and podcasters who emphatically think men should always get paternity test, and it got to him. If we take what she said at face value and there weren’t any red flags in their relationship, then this would be beyond hurtful. We’ll never know if there’s something she’s conveniently leaving out though. Per her final update, she left. So I guess that’s that :/

[@svr5423]

@@Samantha-xp8cn So he figured out after the fact that he should get a paternity test. Better late than never. Allowing the man she is married to to know that the child is his isn't something "hurtful". There is something wrong with her feelings then.

[@Samantha-xp8cn]

@@svr5423 eh, we can agree to disagree. I think they’re both allowed to feel their feelings on this. Not saying either one is not valid.

[@Someone-or8tp]

@@svr5423 if he had sat down and explained the situation to her, I'm sure she would've been more open to it. it's not the fact that he needs to know he's the father, it's the way he went about it. he didn't elaborate, he didn't explain himself, and he didn't open up until later down the line. so it WAS hurtful. to inadvertently say that there's a probability that she cheated and that he's not sure that he can trust her with zero context- that is the definition of hurtful. if he had said "I'm feeling insecure after falling down a rabbit hole of cheating stories, and I need a paternity test for peace of mind", THEN I'd agree with you. but that's not what happened. he only explained himself after he nuked his relationship. it's not the request that's the problem, it's the way he went about making that request. and she still gave him the paternity test results, didn't she? it's not like she denied him it. but he's not owed a relationship if she doesn't feel comfortable being with someone who wouldn't correctly communicate his feelings with her.

[@ElviAlivE]

I agree with paternity test for every instance. I was swapped out as a baby. The other baby and I had the same last name and born on the same day. If we had both been born female, my mother would have not realized she got the wrong baby.

[@matthewmckee3282]

Paternity doesn't keep people from swapping you out. Also paternity isn't needed when you have the MOTHERS DNA! So as long as her DNA is a match you never needed his DNA. The only reason to test the dad is if you think if was with another man!

[@TsukiKageTora]

@@matthewmckee3282 paternity tests help see who the parents (both) are. It helps see if the baby has the mother’s DNA and will stop a bunch of people being swapped out as babies at the hospital. Of course it will not prevent swapping, but it sure is a solution to see if your baby is swapped out or not.

[@canislupusfool]

@@TsukiKageTora A paternity test won't help see if the baby has the mother's DNA...I think you need to check the definition of paternity :D

[@LilMissEmo]

I have seen people say paternity tests are a good thing. I haven't fact checked so don't quote me! But they would happen after the baby is born before the baby goes home, so if a switch has already accidentally occurred, it would be caught before it's too late.

[@mayia4272]

@@canislupusfoolstop trying to be a smart ass the test paternity and maternity are the same type of test

[@Tyshal5853]

Last story: I know people are talking about the updates but what I want to talk about is one of the sentences rSlash read "I'm a different race from him but our child, apart from the skin tone, is literally his mirror image from pictures I had seen of him when he was a baby" But then rSlash says that he agrees with the boyfriend because it's possible that the baby was swapped? How tf can a child be the spitting image of their father and then the father says "yeah I'm not sure this baby is mine." rSlash was off his rocker on that one imo.

[@lolabigcups7121]

Paternity test story: His asking (especially if it's because his family asked) says to her, I LITERALLY TRUST EVERYONE ELSE OVER YOU. His one moment of doubt is a lifetime of side eyes from everyone for her.

[@Tiggster-qr8mw]

oh give me a fucking break

[@Klinara]

The one about the OP being glad his wife passed away and that he was going to have her cremated, well she urned it.

[@smartaMartini]

😂

[@yazajag]

😅😅😅

[@justarandomviewer6756]

Booooo! Though I’m still laughing a little

[@k.huelle]

🤣🤣🤣

[@AirknightTails]

r/angryupvote

[@absoluteterror4045]

For the father wanting a DNA test it's not about insecurity, it's about the fact that he didn't talk it through he just sprung it and it kinda speaks like he cheated on her and has doubts that she didn't do the same

[@RedrumZombies]

mental gymnastics

[@Diamondr11Blue]

What

[@LuciVMar]

Exactly! Thought the same

[@MinusTheCoffee]

How? He asked openly and calmly and said he would give time and wouldn’t push her about it. How else are you supposed to “talk it through” are you not allowed to voice your concerns and feelings openly to your partner?

[@hasatamashi]

Where do you get this from? Rslash explained it in the video. In the US you have to pay child support even if you show that the kid is not yours, if you sign the document at birth. And this is his concern. We don't know anything about their relationship. Are there trust issues, problems in the past etc. But assuming he cheated from what we know? Come on?

[@emmettpickett2146]

Last story: honestly if anyone accused me of cheating I'd call it off.

[@eitrtine3448]

Oh boy, I would have a throw down with my cousin AND my husband if it came down to her passing out onlyfans discounts 😂 Would straight up turn that party into a bar fight beat down like you see in old western films and games

[@madisonpittinger6048]

No fr I would too like she knew what she was doing and the men did too. That’s not “trying to start up her online business” that’s jus fucking weird… your family members??

[@MoostachedSaiyanPrince]

Yeah, if she started an OF and people like OP's fiancee found it, that's one thing and not on the cousin. However, advertising that specific type of business to the men who married into your family, and going a step beyond that by giving them discounts to use it, is crossing more than a few lines. I won't fault anyone for looking at "spicy videos", but when you're actively seeking out those kinds of videos of people you know, especially your fiancee's family members, that's also crossing a line, especially if that other person knows you're doing it or is even encouraging you to. It's borderline cheating, because it creates this really inappropriate connection between the two of them, which could escalate into actual cheating at almost any time. OP is right to consider leaving her fiancee, I would do the same in her shoes.

[@mythicsb5170]

Last story: So the husband is allowed to make ultimatums in the relationship because of trust issues but the wife isn't? Of course she has the right to leave him if he accuses her of cheating with zero proof especially because of how it destroyed her which was revealed in an update and after the paternity test she was physically repulsed by him.

[@ReigoVassal]

And he also probably, most likely watch the podcast of "Bald man with Bugatti"

[@Kalossupremacy3356]

Why is a paternity test so stigmatized, like is a prenup/postnup a sign of wanting a divorce? Is a cheating clause a lack of trust?

[@FEKana]

​@aarushshankar3356 paternity tests are not stigmatized all that much as anyone can take it for self reassurance. Where it becomes an issue I'd where you don't talk with your partner and just blind side them with it, which is typically a nice way of accusing someone of being unfaithful

[@Kalossupremacy3356]

@@FEKana yeah, 100% agree should be brought up earlier. I think I came to the conclusion now, that is gives the same reassurance of a prenup. But the emotional hit of it to a women is very likely similar to a wife telling her husband she doesn’t want him in the delivery room.

[@seb3209]

@@FEKana So you wanted him, fully knowing he wants a paternity test, to slowly gaslight his partner into wanting one too? tf is wrong with you?

[@madambutterfly1997]

You should have been upfront with him from the beginning. "regardless of the test results I'm leaving you. You don't get to doubt my loyalty and when proven wrong we dont get to be one big happy family and pretend that that never happened. the first time you doubt my loyalty will be the last time you doubt my loyalty"

[@MasteringMason]

6th story had a update: The bf asked this because he read a story where their wife had an affair and had multiple children that weren't his.

[@Emura100]

Did she follow through with leaving him? I feel bad for the guy because she was so prepared to throw their relationship away over this, which makes her seem even less trustworthy imo.

[@weirdlycurlyplantstem8231]

Oh lovely

[@Dr4gonFour]

@@Emura100 yes, the last update from her is that she left him, even in the first uptade she said she still had planned in case therapy couldn't help them.

[@1nn1tmate]

@@Emura100 I read from another comment shes still leaving him and waiting for a court date

[@WiseWordsbyWiki]

@@Emura100 she's trying to work through it, but she doesn't love him any more. She found the fact he was willing to walk away over her being unwilling to take the test disgusting and seems to be really shaken about how he thought she was the type of person to cheat then trick him into paying for a child that wasn't his. She wants it to work, but is shattered he thinks so lowly of her.

[@velveteenrabbit5940]

As much as I can agree with your take on the last story R/slash, if your insecurity gets bad enough for you to directly accuse your partner of a horrible disgusting act (because that is indeed a soft way to ask if someone has been cheating) then the relationship is over anyway. Its a shame but thats the consequence of letting something like this consume you.

[@TheFaeQueen]

Honestly men aren't helping other men when they sit whispering about "Well you have no guarantee", because once that seed of doubt gets planted it destroys everything. Plenty of men cheat on their wives, we don't sit here saying wives should get to track their husband's location and read every single text chain "just to know for sure". In the vast majority of cases, it's his baby, and we can acknowledge cases of women lying about paternity without suggesting it's reasonable for a man to suddenly accuse his wife of cheating when they've had a child. And tbh in a case where the baby looks a lot like the father it's even more ridiculous.

[@shelbymaryr]

@@TheFaeQueen agreed. Unfortunately this episode reeked of misandry.

[@velveteenrabbit5940]

@@TheFaeQueen Well said!

[@kaijaaikman7863]

It’s also the disrespect of waiting for her to carry this child for 8-9 MONTHS, go through labor and birth, then once it’s already here, being cared for, and loved, spring this on her. If it was an expectation from the get go, I feel like it could be less off an issue for the wife but after ALL OF THAT? I’d also be pretty pissed

[@Kalossupremacy3356]

Why is a paternity test so stigmatized, like is a prenup/postnup a sign of wanting a divorce? Is a cheating clause a lack of trust?

[@DarkValkyrie512]

I can't blame the woman in the last story but if it were me I would be like "Are you asking for this because you think the baby got switched or are you asking because you think I cheated?" Yes a loaded question but still a needed one. Then I wold proceed depending on the answer. I know men sometimes "Need to know" but imagine going through all of the pain and discomfort of pregnancy and birth and thinking "Finally, we can start our new lives together" and then him going "Well I want a paternity test." I would be mad too and I would want to know why. Rumors and stories of what happened to other men sometimes isn't good enough. That sounds like insecurity and lack of trust to me.

[@svr5423]

One doesn't have to give any justification for wanting to know if a child is his.

[@darkunykorn404]

@@svr5423 One shouldn't procreate.

[@beverleycathren2362]

@@svr5423 If you feel this way it should be discussed before getting serious in the relationship and definitely before impregnating someone, that way it’s not a surprise. If it’s a dealbreaker, she can walk away without having the complication of a child in the mix. To do it suddenly after the birth, and to let it slip in a family group chat to where all your relatives are doubting your partners definite is shitty.

[@Diamondr11Blue]

Doesn't matter. You know it's yours and there are so many paternity fraud cases. Stop using words to blanket those problems

[@glueman1571]

@@darkunykorn404 And you here are an exemple

[@madhatterine2805]

I really don't understand the "It happens every day that someone gets cheated on!"-argument. Every day someone gets murdered. You wouldn't want to be with someone who says that you had to be handcuffed every time you are around them. They just want to be SURE you don't murder them. If there is no indication of cheating, this just means "I don't trust you with this most basic foundation of our relationship. I believe that you are capable of doing something this horrendous. Other people have done it too!" If you dont want to be with someone who does not trust you, that is a very logical line in the sand. Especially since this guy has been told by everyone how much he looks like his kid.

[@svr5423]

It's normal for people to want to know if a child is theirs. If a woman can't deal with it, she should bring it up beforehand. This episode just shows how many insane people are out there.

[@brag0001]

@@svr5423 so, the guy can't be asked to only conceive kids when he has trust? Honestly: he has all the right to know. But she has all the right to be offended.

[@tehharu]

Slash, divorce isn't a punishment. I would also divorce my spouse if he told me that our relationship would not go further without a paternity test. Like, yep, you can have it, at the custody hearing. A moment of weakness is after someone badgering you, you break and ask for a paternity test. It's not a moment of weakness to calmly say "our relationship pauses here because I do not trust you or your word." That would be the end of my relationship, if he told me he trusted me so little after years of marriage.

[@mariaceciliadimacali9569]

Exactly this!

[@bettyboopsynoop]

Yeah the trust is gone at that point. He might be able to gain that trust back with a paternity test, but the trust I’d lose for him?, there is no way to get that back, because there was no reason for him to distrust me to begin with. I done nothing wrong, and he treated me like i did. Yeah, I’d leave.

[@Kalossupremacy3356]

Why is a paternity test so stigmatized, like is a prenup/postnup a sign of wanting a divorce? Is a cheating clause a lack of trust?

[@tehharu]

@@Kalossupremacy3356 lol you think I have a prenup

[@Kalossupremacy3356]

@@tehharu question: do you think people who got prenups/post ups have trust issues? Do you think an open phone policy is a sign of insecurity?

[@kalimaxine]

I don't agree with rSlash on the last story. There has to be trust in a relationship. Demanding a paternity test is a huge mistrust. And yes, you can blame a guy for mistrusting his wife. Especially if she gave him no reason not to trust her. I've been in this situation. It does not feel good. It's one of the most horrible feelings in the world for your partner not to trust you.

[@svr5423]

Doing a paternity test is normal. Blaming the guy for asking is toxic behaviour and a red flag. It's not about feelings.

[@kalimaxine]

@@svr5423 No it isn't. I honestly don't know anyone, apart from my sil, who has had paternity tests done. It's definitely not normal in a trusting relationship.

[@KellyEUTAH]

​@@svr5423 You are commenting on a lot of posts... I'm starting to think you are either OP's ex, or r/slash himself. And btw, why did you delete your last post on my comment?

[@svr5423]

@@KellyEUTAH I'm neither. I just like to trigger some simps and feminists on the internet when I find the time to do so. Astounishing how many people still think they can get away with shaming men into signing off on children without a paternity test in 2023. I didn't delete anything. KZbin unfortunately frequently hides/shadowbans comments. I believe mostly due to technical errors, since it seems to affect everyone randomly.

[@KellyEUTAH]

@@svr5423 That actually sounds very sad. However, if "triggering" people online is how you get your kicks in your free time, I now realize that by taking up so much of that time on my comment prevented you from attacking more people. And for that, I'm not sorry. But here's a pro tip; if you want to pick people apart online, try looking for holes in their logic that ARE relevant. Like the fact that 90% of people who commented on that story assumed they were married, when they in fact weren't. I, myself assumed that as well. That fact alone would make people feel like they weren't listening well. But it also throws your argument out, because it points to the fact that OP's ex didn't even love her enough to have their child in wedlock. Anyway, I am looking forward to hearing if R/slash redeems himself in today's video. It would be cool if he did.😏 Blessed be, my fellow troll.

[@DefiantHeart]

The second story is bizarre. "It's not adult! I'm just trying to get my homemade pr0n business off the ground!" And that's without the incredibly stupid actions of the fiancé.

[@ostlandr]

OMG people get so totally and unreasonably bent about "that stuff." If you don't like it, don't support it with your $$. If it had been a MLM and not a fan site, this would have been a nothingburger- and a MLM is WAY, WAY more dangerous and toxic, by at least a factor of 10.

[@LordCoeCoe]

@@ostlandr Don't invite your family to your OF...

[@marjoriejohnston4905]

@@ostlandr These guys already have partners, they don't need that. It's akin to cheating and it's worse because this chick is essentially family. That entire "industry" is disgusting and all it does is exploit people, especially women. It's perfectly reasonable to want to see the whole thing crash and burn. That cousin needs to get a real job.

[@mahra_jabokwoam]

@@ostlandr what a weird way to defend advertising to your family instead of the platforms and channels that are available to grow your audience...

[@BeanManolo]

@@ostlandr so it's totally okay for her to basically sell her nudes with a discount to every married straight guy that married in her family? If it wasn't something adult she wouldn't focus on giving on such a secret way, and only to the non-blood related men of her family; She also avoided giving one to the only gay man in the 'married into the family' male portion of the party, so she knew very well what she was doing, and was purposely aiming to the people she knew would get off on her; Also, if I was on a family reunion, and someone handed me a card giving me discount on their MLM scam, I'd be pissed too.

[@emily7427]

What is going on? Rslash used to be very level headed and give reasonable and calm opinions. For a few weeks now I’ve heard him ramp up in defense of men who are clearly abusive or at minimum doing very abusive and toxic things to their partners. I started listening to r/slash when I had left an abusive marriage and started working. It was a good escape and healing to hear bad people (of all genders) be called out. Maybe I’m just healed to a point where I’m seeing things differently or maybe I’ve just outgrown this podcast. I’ve been re listening to older episodes and there is a difference in attitude from them and now. I know it’s really hard to see subtle red flags if someone hasn’t lived them or if it is in fact that there is tension in his own life and he is feeling defensive. I don’t know and I don’t want to think about it any longer. I appreciate the work that’s been put into this podcast. I’m going to take a break from Rslash for a while. Best of luck Mr Bailey

[@Quell1964]

I thought it was only me noticing this. I've gotten so disappointed when there was a video that could only be called women bashing. Not saying I didn't agree with him in most cases when the woman was clearly in the absolute wrong but his takes when they are leans on the verbally violent side and he goes very lenient on the men when they do horrible things. What can we expect though we're getting these stories read from his pov.

[@anum4776]

It's not just you, I've noticed it too. I think maybe doing AITA so much has turned him very cynical or something. I have to skip his AITA videos because of how often I completely disagree with him, which is unfortunate because it seems that's most of his content recently. The moralizing even leaking into his other videos and somehow it doesn't seem objective at all nowadays

[@red_phoenix0570]

Do you mind telling us which ones in particular you didn't like? I don't pay a lot of attention to his takes and usually just listen to the stories while I'm cleaning or doing school work so I'd have to rewatch each story to find where he was off.

[@Quartzcoffin]

I'm glad someone said it, I thought this same thing.

[@ShadowSorcerer]

I've also noticed recently he makes a lot more ... not so fun jokes

[@garryandjanepannell8594]

In the paternity story. Guys if you want to know if the child is yours ask for a medical genetic test. If you get one of these it can do double duty to check both sides for possible problems as well as parental origins.

[@xNETxEx]

This needs more likes. The one sided stigma against 100% confirming that your partner is exactly who you think they are in a moment of fear, doubt and stress seems really selfish.

[@draconicfeline6177]

This ^ It doesn't have the stigma of "I think you cheated" and it's much more valuable than a mere paternity test because it screens for other issues. I think a genetic screening that pulls a QUIET double duty as a paternity/maternity test should be mandatory. You get certainty about parentage AND certainty about what might be genetically in the future for the child. Plus, for the child's sake, even if paternity isn't confirmed (or its one of those strange chimera cases or a case of donor sperm) it still screens for health problems. Meanwhile pulling "I want a paternity test" out of nowhere while she's post partum holding the damn baby is absolutely an accusation.

[@shaelynnstilson9945]

I'm a gamer, I love my video games. I still cook and clean, keep an eye on my kids. I will walk away in the middle of a game to get them what they need. Children come first and all of my online friends understand this. My ex husband didn't play games. I went to the grocery store and came home to my brother sitting with my baby that escaped the house in a diaper, nothing else while her father slept in his recliner. Never trusted him with her again. Comes down to priorities in the end. What matters more a game or your spawn.

[@PyroRoadScout]

Last story: He didn't approach it in a proper way tho Rslash. He gave OP an ultimatum, basically threating to break up if she didn't comply. I get having those kind of insecurities, especially when fueled by internet stories of men being tricked, but everyone around him had tried to help. In the update it's made clear that his own family tried to reassure him by comparing baby pics. Even they struggled to tell the two apart, but this guy couldn't get his head out of his own ass. I do think that some test should be done on both parents and the newborns before they leave the hospital, because I realize some crazy shit can happen. However, in the case of this story, the boyfriend didn't have a leg to stand on, he got wrapped up in his baseless fears and disrespected OP in the process. Personally, Idk if I would leave but I would definitely insist on couple counseling before agreeing to a test. Still, I don't blame OP for just breaking it off

[@LLandS18]

If you want to ask for a paternity test, that's 100% your right. It doesn't matter the reason you want to ask for it. Whether you've been cheated on in the past, you spend too much time on Reddit or whatever. You have the right to have that test done. But it's big, but you don't have the right to be upset or play victim when your partner doesn't like that. Just like you have the right to act in your best interests your regardless of why, so does the woman. Especially in this story where she says she's going to be a healthy co-parent. She has the right not to be okay with somebody asking her that. Doesn't mean the person asking for that didn't have the right to ask. Just like men have the right to ask women, they have the right to respond to that question by ending the relationship. I'm going to let you in on a little secret it's not your job to cater and fix your partners insecurities. That's their job. You can help and assist, but if you don't want to do that, that is a valid reason. Yes, love and support your partner but not at the cost of yourself. It's simply boils down to yes, you have the right to ask the question, but that other person in the situation has the right to be upset and want to end the relationship. It's like Reddit says actions have consequences. Even if those actions are justified, they still have consequences. You don't get to decide how somebody else gets to react to the way you act.

[@smartaMartini]

❤️

[@shykorustotora]

You ramble on about rights and rights and who has the right to right about rights... but you're forgetting one important part of a relationship, the Human connection. Husband has 0 faith in his partner, essentially accusing her of cheating out of the blue. 0 respect and she shouldn't have to put up with that kind of partner so she has every "right" to be as upset as she wants and just walk the f*ck out. He however does NOT have the right to just accuse her of cheating out of the blue because he read a Facebook post and listened to a podcast

[@angelbabies7]

Well said, very well said!

[@darkunykorn404]

I keep thinking that after this, if he's that easily influenced into doubt because he saw an article, when even his family acknowledges how much like him the kiddo looks, what will he get influenced by next? Accusing her of cheating with her male friends? Coworkers? Confiscate her phone? Who knows, he might see an article about a random woman who was cheating on her husband while at work and might want her to quit her job/career because the internet made him insecure?

[@ryancamara5689]

@@shykorustotora I mean u could argue that he had the right to ask due to his insecurities, ur confusing rights with acceptable, u have the right to believe whatever u want about ur partner, u have the right to loose faith and the right to have questions, evidence or not, but there’s absolutely consequences with the choices to enact those. Just cause u have the right doesn’t mean other people have to accept it or that it was even a good way or thing to do, which in this case it was a complete cluster on the husbands part as he basically approached the situation with the belief she cheated not the insecurity, if he truly believed that he had a right for his own sake, but not for his wife’s sake, which the wife had every right to reject, the same way we are rejecting it as acceptable behaviour

[@angelbabies7]

The DNA test. He didn't express anything Rslash mentioned. He went straight to the accusations. Yes you can blame that. She said he TOLD her, like asking what's for dinner. And then REPEATED it. There's no signs of what's mentioned here, just "do it" or else.

[@mykaelnyx8821]

No narrator, in the paternity story HE GAVE HER AN ULTIMATUM. The words came out of your own mouth. "I just have to know. If you want this relationship to continue I need to know." That is an ultimatum because he's threatening to end the relationship. So she has every right because he's questioning her honor and loyalty and faithfulness and virtue. He is 100% the guilty party. And quite frankly she shouldn't have to stay with the guy who makes her feel that way

[@desireedavenport8653]

About the paternity story, I’m gonna have to disagree with you Rslash. This wasn’t a conversation they had either before or during pregnancy. This was a dealbreaker he sprung on her with no discussion. You can’t do that to your partner and expect them to just go with the flow. That’s beyond disrespectful. A demand for an out of the blue paternity test destroys trust. From OPs perspective, husband could be cheating himself, gotten someone pregnant, and is now projecting his misdeeds onto OP. He should have sat her down and talked about it. Voiced his concerns, reassured his wife he trusts her, and then made the decision together. I’m in favor of couples therapy over divorce, but once trust is gone it’s hard to get back. He just planted insecurity and doubt into her and their relationship.

[@FishAnvil]

They're both justified. He's just an absolute fucking melon for not just getting the damn paternity test.

[@emilbelim3402]

He didn't even read the 2 updates either. She never blindsided him after that, she talked it out then said they would both get therapy. Then she posted a smaller update saying everything went downhill, and that she cannot talk about anything else until legal stuff is finished.

[@RealCoolstriker64]

Well good for you, you’re wrong. You can’t make your deal breaking: “proving that I’m not doing anything to hurt you” that’s unreasonable.

[@SenailCooledge]

@@RealCoolstriker64 Actually you can. People have different deal breakers and if that's hers then that's that. She doesn't wanna be in the relationship anymore, period. You can't force someone to stay that doesn't want to be there.

[@seancarroll9849]

@@RealCoolstriker64 Disagree. A relationship is about trust. If I am completely above board about my dealings in life, and someone still questions me, I would consider that a deal breaker. I do not stomach gaslighting, misrepresentation, and other related actions when I have been nothing but truthful. I would never look at that person the same ever again; I would always doubt if they were being genuine. That man? I'm sorry to say it, but I'm going to say it. He's as gullible af. Not a shred of critical thinking in his brain, never fall down the damn rabbit hole.

[@janputz4157]

There just is no way to ask for a paternety test and it not being bad. There just isn't. No matter how you formulate and reason it it's just impossible to make it easy.

[@Emura100]

Which is why, imo, they should be required at time of birth before the certificate is signed.

[@1nn1tmate]

@GPU Gambon I think he's saying that there was no better way for the husband to ask

[@2156ytswwe]

Thar why I believe there should be mandatory testing at birth. Then it won't be an issue

[@BenKonosky]

There was a story either on here or another channel that the child was swapped out at the hospital somehow, and they didn't know until both parents did a paternity test.

[@timothyricard7078]

@@BenKonosky I vaguely remember a story titled something like 'I am not my child's mother' a few months back where this happened. (I have also read some fictional stories about this recently as well).

[@yourlocalnoob4938]

I'd love to see rSlash demand a paternity test for Lily in case his wife cheated and expect her not to be offended.

[@Diamondr11Blue]

You mean the same logic that can be used to cover up paternity fraud lol

[@insamers4616]

Who says he hasn't? He obviously feel strongly for it

[@SinisterPixel]

How do you know he didn't get one?

[@dylanhunsel5489]

I get your name "the local noob" because this is an L take honestly

[@j.d.medranozuniga554]

Genuinely lol what a dumbass take from RSlash there

[@PotterBrony82]

Yeah, aside from the fact that the kid is THE SPITTING IMAGE OF HIS FATHER. Dude, there’s uncertainty and then there’s just idiocy.

[@FishAnvil]

Yeah he's just an absolute fucking moron. Here's a handy flow chart: BF gets the paternity test in secret, finds out the results. BF confronts his girlfriend, gives her so many reasons to think he's an idiotic insecure fuckwad, leaves it up to an ultimatum then throws a fit when she accepts the ultimatum. I would've chosen the first option, but then again, I don't have chronic brain damage.

[@bigbird4481]

The looks don't matter, I looked like multiple people in my family when they were babies once I was born

[@kvproductions2581]

If anything, that should tell you more about him being insecure or paranoid and make his question more underestandable and not offensive.

[@TheTheatreKing]

Dabney go ask your wife for a paternity test and see how she reacts. Tell her you’ve read all these stories on Reddit of men not being the father and you need certainty that Lily is yours. Should go just fine right?

[@amandarvc99]

Thissss for sure! I’m sure that RSLASH is taking a big game, but he would never do something that awful to his own wife. Cause he knows it would hurt her. How can he not understand that asking for a paternity implies that the husband doesn’t trust his wife, and thinks she cheated on him. How can RSLASH not see how that would hurt a faithful wife?

[@mattclose5490]

Exactly. There's a chance she may take it differently, but he might as well just say, "hey, I think there's at least a small possibility you cheated."

[@TheTheatreKing]

@@amandarvc99 100 agree!

[@TheTheatreKing]

@@mattclose5490 that’s what I’m saying. Doesn’t matter how you phrase it, it still says “I think you cheated.”

[@ellie8461]

OP’s boyfriend is just trying to cover his blatant racism and complete lack of knowledge of genetics. (Race) Parent + Yt parent = mixed-race baby. Why not ask OP for a MAternity test?? It’ll STILL prove OP was in the right. We’re not talking about Dabney’s own opinion or stories from other men, we’re talking about OP.

[@RoseFountain]

In the last story that you said that you are on the guy's side, I wonder... Did you do a paternity test for your daughter? You recommended for married couples too. So, you did the talk, did you do the walk??

[@Quell1964]

Ooooooooh snap!

[@SvayaG]

He's said before that he didn't. Interesting his reasoning didn't even come up here 🤔

[@dings7301]

Like how does he know "his" baby wasn't switched at birth? 🤨 He said it's always a possibility! Go ask the wifey for a paternity test out of the blue 😂

[@Longtallnikki61]

Story 3... That would be the day I caught a charge. My food is the one thing I do NOT play with.

[@lancerevell5979]

Huge red flag!! Definitely divorce country. What an utter idiot!

[@batmansdragon8820]

💯

[@3xavior17]

For the last story, I feel that RSLASH's reaction towards the woman was extreme. Yes some women cheat, but so do men. Would you then consider it ok for either party in a relationship to be able to declare at any given time that they should be given full access to everything of their partners, email, social, phone logs, etc. After all they are justified to assume their partner is cheating and have a right to see that. In this case, the boyfriend (not husband) did not kindly ask. He gave her two choices, either you do this or I am going to leave you and the baby. So it isn't like he said, you know if you would be ok with it I would like to get a test done. He gave her an ultimatum, either you do this or fuck you I am not going to be part of your life. We are to consider that to be a normal and reasonable response but her saying that being given that choice making her second guess if she wants to get married and have a life with somebody is not reasonable. It doesn't matter how many stories might be out there, the question is do you trust your partner to not be cheating on you. If you do not have any faith that they did not cheat then the relationship is done and you should move on.

[@sleepy.unkown5546]

what in the story the boyfriend never said he was going to leave and he did kindly ask but insecurity's are still a real thing i some what agree with you on this but i think the better way to react is questioning why he would want one in the first place so they could come to a consensus

[@Bremend]

So the boyfriend is supposed to get over his insecurities but OP is right to leave based on hers? Seems a bit one sided there...

[@YammoYammamoto]

1. should men be allowed Financial abortion? 2. what should be the punishment for a woman who tricked a man into paying and raising a kid that WASNT HIS?

[@Mooskym]

What's with that insane strawman slippery-slope logic? emails and phones are personal (not socials, Mark and Elon care fuck-all about your privacy, but that's another issue) and no one should be allowed access to those without the owner's consent. Babies, however, are a product of both parents, with both parents having responsibility, and therefore a say, in their baby's life. If you suspect that your partner has cheated on you, you are NOT privy to eir email, phone, etc., but you are also not responsible for eir life or property, so you can just leave. But if you have a baby with someone and suspect(1) the baby isn't biologically yours, you are still responsible for the well-being of that child until you can prove it isn't yours. Another, more logical strawman would be a joint bank account. You can't butt-in to someone else's business, demanding full access to eir personal bank account status, but if you have a joint bank account with someone it is quite reasonable to ask and even demand information regarding any considerable withdrawal your partner has made. (1) It doesn't matter what caused the suspicion. People are allowed to feel insecure or be paranoid, especially if past trauma is involved, like rSlash said in the vid. And even if the suspicion stems from sheer lunacy, the person should still be allowed support and understanding. Also, like @sleepy.unkown5546 said, the bf in the story didn't give the 'do this or I'm leaving' ultimatum in the story. The exact wording in the post is "for our relationship to move forward", which I took to mean the bf won't marry and/or have any more children with OP. I should make it clear that I do not think OP's feelings in the post are wrong or unfounded. To put it simply, it sucks to be accused of something you didn't do, even if just by implication. OP's distress is quite understandable, but if you ask me (or rSlash), this is definitely a 'let's sit down and talk before we make any rush decisions' situation.

[@sleepy.unkown5546]

@@Bremend i mean yeah you can leave someone at anytime you want unless your married then you would have to be all legal about it feeling may be hurt but its your decision

[@AdamGarnsey]

Completely disagree with him on the boyfriend asks for a paternity test. It doesn't matter that getting one is a good idea, it's the context behind him wanting one simply for the fact that he doesn't trust her. I am completely behind her wanting to leave because of it. If you can't trust the person you're with then you shouldn't be with them, period.

[@girl4spidey]

If the woman can ask for a tracker app on his phone that must stay on at all times so she can feel comfortable with him leaving the house, then yes I can understand a paternity test. After all women are bombarded with stories with stories of boyfriends/husbands constantly cheating and sneaking off to have a fling ... Its only fair right. Its just a tiny insecurity ...

[@Danodan94]

He never said he didn't trust her. That was an assumtion that OP made herself.

[@chaosssssss_]

​@Danodan he basically accused her of cheating, of course that means he doesn't trust her.

[@filipe.sm31]

​@@girl4spideythat is not analogous at all

[@ayleitner1]

@@girl4spidey Its not what you say but how you say it.

[@hurricain1421]

Okay I didn’t even finish listening to rSlash’s rant about the paternity test because he’s getting into all this stuff about prior cheating and prior relationship issues while just projecting it on this guy. I went back and if the guy’s reasons he gave his girlfriend were “I just have to know for sure!” He should have followed up with “this is because of XYZ past issues” and I read the updates. There are no issues. He just read an article and went bonkers. Even his own mother proved that the guy and the baby are carbon copies of each other visually. Also, rSlash saying that he didn’t demand it… Yes he did! He said that it had to happen for them to move forward. That’s a demand, regardless of how soft it sounds in writing. I’m not against paternity tests, go for it. But for fucks sake dude. Explain what’s going on in your head. Because telling your girlfriend your reasons might still make her angry but I think saying “I fell down a rabbit hole of fathers not being the bio dad” is a lot better than just “I need to know he’s mine”! And yes. Asking for a paternity test is worth leaving a relationship or divorce or whatever because it’s not about the stupid test. It’s about trust and feeling like you don’t have trust in a relationship. rSlash literally talking about someone having trust issues about a baby being his, well now the woman has trust issues about the boyfriend accusing her of cheating! Damn

[@KellyDVance]

Rslash: Women are lucky, they can be 100% certain that the baby is theirs. Rslash, not even a minute earlier: Everyone should get a paternity test, even women, because babies can get switched at the hospital.

[@cosmically4286]

Fr Bro is making less and less sense as time goes on Like a few days ago he read an horrible story of do/mestic a//buse and his only commentary was « hehe wanna hear *my* funny life story with mayonnaise » like ??

[@NEPAAlchey]

I get context is hard for you, but they know biologically the baby they came out of their vagina is theirs. They don't know if, once the doctor takes it and brings it back, it's the same baby. It comes out looking very different than it does when they bring it back all cleaned up. A woman knows their baby exists Somewhere because it came out of them. Men don't have that. We have to take your word for it or be vilified.

[@KellyDVance]

@@NEPAAlchey I get that giving birth is a scary thing, but not every delivery is vaginal. Mine was a C-section. But you are missing the point, RSlash made a contradictory statement. I get it context is hard for you.

[@TheActualHelloKitty]

@@cosmically4286 he’s becoming a true redditor XD

[@Ikajo]

@@NEPAAlchey Actually... there are rare cases of chimeras, where people absorbed their twin in the womb. The twin's tissue can then be found inside the reproductive organs. Meaning it is the twin's DNA in the baby. It can happen to both men and women. One woman was accused of having kidnapped her kids when the DNA didn't match. Even after she was literally watched giving birth to a baby that didn't share her DNA.

[@Michael.CrazedAlaska]

The final story: the guy fucked up on the approach, he should have gone closer to the, “look, it sounds like I don’t trust you, and I know it’s insane, but I’ve recently gotten paranoid over the fact other stories of men being baby trapped, and it would relieve me if we got a paternity test. If this damages our relationship I’ll own it, but I’m now beside myself with fear.” OR, he does the paternity test to a temporary PO box and then never speak of it…

[@jennix8666]

Paternity Story: If those are the reasons behind him wanting a test (pressure from friends/family) then he should have sat down with OP and talked about that & his worries with her. Instead one day he just comes in and demands a Paternity test, that would make anyone feel like your partner doesn't trust you even when you've given them no reason not to. I honestly think she would have taken it alot better that way instead of him just one day deciding he needed a test to know the child was his

[@kutloanodlamini4153]

But he did he explained his actions 3 times over, he didn't demand anything he asked and substantiated his asking

[@jennix8666]

@@kutloanodlamini4153 Before the day he came in and told her he wanted a test he never talked to her about his concerns. as I said had he done that and then asked for a test I don't think OP would have taken it as him not trusting her and for what it was to him, others working on his insecurities & causing him to doubt

[@lilianeneilla8896]

@@kutloanodlamini4153 No he didn't ? He literally asked out of the blue and then said he needed to be sure. It's only in an update (that wasn't covered here), AFTER doing the test, that the husband admitted he heard a story and wanted to make sure just in case. He didn't explain anything to her.

[@lilianavarela7439]

What rslash missed completely is the guy didn’t say “hey I want a test to make sure he is OURS” he said “I want a test to make sure he is MINE” with all the implications that come with it. So she responded based on those implications. And she was within her rights and she can feel how she wants to feel whether or not rslash thinks she’s justified. Lol. The very idea she shouldn’t feel a type of way… you missed this one rslash. Gonna have to redeem yourself!

[@kutloanodlamini4153]

@Jennix 86 “And he just ASKED for one like he was asking for dinner...” “He told me that he would give time to think this over but that for our relationship to move forward he needed this and that he wouldn't go behind my back about this ” Really laying down the law on this one.🙄 Did he handle this in the greatest way maybe not but did he make DEMANDS. NO HE DID NOT.

[@mindcraftyD13]

Ok rSlash, just imagine that your wife walks up to you one day and asks for an STD test without any warning. How would you feel?

[@Janjones7735]

The real problem with Rslash’s bad take on the last story is that wanting a paternity test isn’t bad. Blindly throwing it out like an accusation at your partner is. He didn’t want to show her his insecurities and appear vulnerable so he instead blindsided her by basically saying he thought she cheated. Also he’s 1000% wrong if he thinks being 99% the father means it’s not his kid. If you’re not the father it’s a straight no. What a dumbA.

[@mostar1219]

I saw the update to the paternity test one the other day. He trusted podcasters more than his partner and thinks there's nothing wrong

[@magicfish8213]

Guess whos a podcaster? Rslash!

[@mostar1219]

@@magicfish8213 I wonder if he was part of the rabbit hole that was part of the problem

[@charliedeegan1598]

@magicfish8213 yeah and you shouldn't trust something random rslash says over your actual, real life friends and partners.

[@Kalossupremacy3356]

Why is a paternity test so stigmatized, like is a prenup/postnup a sign of wanting a divorce? Is a cheating clause a lack of trust?

[@j.c.2240]

​@@Kalossupremacy3356 It's seen as a sign of distrust in your partner, especially if you only bring it up after they get pregnant.

[@areyoulostbbg]

Yet another video that makes me think that Rslash should take a break and spend some quality time with his family because I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt that he might just be a little bit tired and stressed. I've seen a reasonable amount of people noticing that some of his takes have been very off lately. And I myself find it strange, since he used to properly consider the situation from both sides and, because of it, he was able to give a more nuanced opinion which made sense. Nowadays, he seems to either lack empathy towards very serious situations of abuse, wrongfully villifying one of the parties, etc. For example, this time it was the take on the last the story for me. I think it's another incident of Rslash getting a little too caught up in his own experiences and (perhaps) involuntarily dismissing the actual details of the story. I completely agree with getting a paternity test to put your mind at ease and just to be safe in general. It would definitely be ideally to discuss it before the pregnancy, but it's understandable if this detail didn't occur to the couple before. What's important is how you bring it up and communicate with your partner about it. A paternity test that was never discussed before can become a delicate topic as it can arouse a few questions to your partner. The way that the husband brought it up in this story seems to have been very sudden and without proper communication on why he felt it was absolutely necessary. More so, he insisted that it is detrimental to the future of their relationship without further explanation. If he was worried that the baby might have been swapped in the hospital, there would be no reason for him to threaten to end the relationship with her. So, the wife came to the only reasonable conclusion that he suspects her of cheating. That is a big accusation. If you suspect your partner of doing something as horrible as cheating, aren't you admitting that your trust in them has been broken? I personally think that this is a serious and lengthy discussion that you need to have with your partner. If he'd communicate what made him think she cheated on him, perhaps she could help him work through his insecurities and clear things up. He's doing a disservice to the both of them by accusing her of cheating and threatening to end the relationship, without further explanation. It's understandable that the wife felt hurt. She was never even given the chance to talk things out, especially since she was so open to the paternity test. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to paint anyone as the bad guy either. We're human, and the husband was going through his own thing, I'm sure. But he did create a very difficult situation, perhaps without really meaning to. And this is exactly why I wish Rslash would take a moment, like he used to, to properly analyze the situation before drawing a conclusion.

[@Victoria-jr9qw]

Omg this! I thought I was crazy, being the only one thinking this!!

[@lmaChroma]

Thank the gods I'm not the only one who noticed. It's really clear if you watch one of the older videos and then one of the newer ones, he used to take the op's comments into account and really think on what was going on. It feels like he takes a lot at face value and really puts too much of himself into things that he wouldn't do. He doesn't see anything wrong with asking for a test but at the same time I don't think he would ever ask his wife for one. There was one a while ago where the dad was enabling the daughters abuse and only realized it after the wife went to therapy and the daughter cut contact. He thought the daughter should give him another chance (I think it was r/ anyway, might have been another KZbinr)

[@ScarabD]

Oh good, it's not just me thinking this I tend to be a little blunt and don't always think enough before making comments here, but I've also felt that something has been... off, for a while. Understandable in some ways because guy's a parent now, and that's both tough and likely to shift his take on a lot of the more parent focussed stories, but also he's just seemed less considerate than before.

[@spicydevilartz]

Spot on with this one Ima literally stop watching rslash till he gets it together because some of his conclusions do make me uncomfortable. Also yoy were really spot on with thr last story, it would be very heart breaking to find out your partner thinks you are cheating and is a fair deal breaker for alot of people

[@superphantom100]

@@lmaChroma that story about the dad I don’t necessarily blame him. He never saw the abuse and when he asked his son if he saw anything he said she was making it up he was being giving bad information from people he thought he could trust, with two people denying it and one that was supposed to be unbiased I can’t really blame him for not believing his daughter. I would want them to at least try

[@Milk-ck1wv]

6th story: Okay sure that honestly makes sense but if a pass relationship has affected you THIS BAD or some people has talked to him to where you easily got insecure about his literal life partner trust he needs to get some help and go to some kind of counseling.

[@sophiaann8918]

The paternity test one, you need to read more or the update because there's more information that clears up why she's reacting this way.

[@oreos960]

The last story had such a horrible take. By doubting the baby's paternity, he accused her of cheating. Of course she's offended that her loyalty was questioned. What happened to trusting your partner? If he was actually concerned about the baby being switched, he would've asked for paternity AND maternity.

[@svr5423]

He never accused her of cheating.

[@anitaaranceta780]

@@svr5423 he only accused her of making a baby with another man which would make him not the real father?

[@svr5423]

@@anitaaranceta780 when did he do that? Somehow I missed that part of the story.

[@anitaaranceta780]

@@svr5423 he just came and asked for a paternity test and didn't explain anything else. As far as I know, a baby comes from two people?

[@kvproductions2581]

He didn't accuse her of shit, it's perfectly underestandable to be insecure or paranoid and wanting to be sure. She's being a bitch, especially with how she's going about it with the blindsiding

[@Muricata]

The last story, you talk about the boyfriend's side, but I'd like for you to think about the girlfriends side. You go through nine months of labor, you are with someone who you love and as she said, it's her first lover, you think everything is ok and that the love is mutual, just for them to come out of nowhere and say they want a paternity test? That's heartbreaking, that's them saying "i don't trust you, i think you cheated on me", like you go through all the pain and hurt of having a baby, starting a family, and suddenly you are put on a spot of cheater? I would also end everything, how dare the boyfriend to say these things?! This is an extreme act of mistrust. Also, the "why" is never talked on the story, it could be a vulnerable moment, but it could also be an ill intent. You talked about all the stories of guys stuck paying child support, but what about all the single mothers that where abandoned? What about the dudes trying to scape having to pay for one? It's giving a lot of faith to the man that it's just doubt and not him trying to jump ship.

[@ceceliab8158]

Paternity test story: The boyfriend is absolutely allowed to have his request, but... OP also is allowed to have her boundaries. Yes, there's stories of terrible people out there, but it still hurts when you get accused of doing such a thing because that means that there's just... A baseline of trust missing, and that hurts. And if OP decides that the lack of trust us where she draws the line, she's allowed to do that and criticizing her for that is pretty harsh, especially saying he's justified in having doubt in her when she was just pretty heavily disrespected by her bf. Why is he allowed to have his boundary and it's this great thing, but when she has a boundary she's bad for it? Like, I do agree everyone should get a paternity/materinity test, but he could've framed that in a very different way that DOESN'T imply he has zero trust in her.

[@seb3209]

OP is allowed to have her boundaries, and RSlash and me are allowed to call her boundary stupid.

[@MSNL123]

Besides, in that case it seems kinda off: OP's ex is allowed to have this feeling of insecurity that is so nagging he can't go on without the test, but OP is not allowed to be so hurt by said request that she can't go on period? She ain't got any more or less ability to "turn off/on" over her emotions than he does.