Radical acceptance SUCKS, but...

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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.

[@tshegofalosiele340]

Radical acceptance saved my life

[@LOVEISTRUTH300]

Mine too💖💖💖

[@sherriflemming3218]

Absolutely. Self love first. Always.

[@Colleenrefine]

RADICAL LOVE is this : that while we were still sinners Jesus died for us all ❤John 3:16

[@youngblood8540]

I don't care what anyone says, good people get tired of being good to ungrateful narcissists. Narcissists get confused between my personality and my attitude. My personality is who I am and my attitude depends on the things they do.

[@danitajminer3279]

🎉❤

[@LoveAuntAshley]

Couldn't have said it better myself! Radical acceptance sucks but it can also be so liberating.

[@moniquejackson7741]

Yes! It's that moment when it's clear you can no longer treat everyone the same way.

[@m.d.1395]

Agreed.

[@juliettailor1616]

Thank you! I plan on telling him with those exact same words the reason between my personality and my attitude. And I used to be a caring giving loving person. Still am, just not to him.

[@lauramcbride3239]

I prefer to call it radical realization. Sure beats denial.

[@Jbelly275]

@@klinestillpowerful

[@drewgrant2795]

Beautifully put! hope you don't mind me taking this on

[@jodycasey6936]

When you’re dealing with a narcissist under 1 roof stuck for a while, radical acceptance is not that hard.hard only in that this human being messes with heads and minds.I want to practice radical acceptance while being able to keep my head straight with some boundaries in place also. Boundaries mean nothing to this person, I feel their whole existence is getting into the center of your head without pause.So from here I need to research and meditate on workarounds. I can accept anything but not when it’s to my own detriment or at my expense. I need to protect myself so I can freely practice this. Of course this is something he thwarts every day. Thank you Great to be here.

[@amandab262]

Radical acceptance is better than getting your heart shredded and your mind effed on a regular basis.

[@sherriflemming3218]

💯

[@cameroncameron2826]

Not 1 person is known to have been diagnosed with NPD and its not in the DSM. Respectable scientists would not normally push for recognition of something not listed.

[@yougotgroove]

@@cameroncameron2826 I have to give that consideration . This NPD is a fancy word for selfish people. Making it a disorder brings in revenue .. If a person continuously treats you badly, call them out, if they don't change, adios

[@Jbelly275]

This is happening to me right now. The narc in my life revealed that he was lying about wanting to be with me to get what he wanted. He even asked another girl to be his girl behind my back. Oh well

[@sherriflemming3218]

@@Jbelly275 They're opportunists. Sorry this is happening.

[@bumblebee_ms]

I am so jealous of people from healthy families that will NEVER have to radically accept anything or anyone.

[@kimlarso]

🦋

[@ylva571]

With you on this ❤️

[@bumblebee_ms]

@@ylva571Thank you, and I'm sad you know what I mean.

[@shashi3072]

I understand you,have been there.The chosen one's don't have easy breezy life.They are meant to do better thing's.

[@bumblebee_ms]

@@shashi3072 Amen!

[@LegalDiva215]

Radical Acceptance is definitely a booby prize. But without it, I'd still be in a corner crying.

[@cherachapin3826]

That's it right there. Accept it, move on. Don't beat yourself up because it's NOT your fault. Period

[@fluffymeisterfresh]

My radical acceptance was accepting that other people who don’t see ‘it’ will often times never see ‘it’.

[@cameroncameron2826]

I can't see it - NPD listed in the DSM since it isn't listed. Its not supported, so for instance a person could take out a lawsuit if diagnosed with NPD. So its non existence tends to be why many do not 'see it'. And why should they just because kooks on YT say so ?

[@toni-leeblair5869]

To me, enablers are just as foul as the narcs! ✌️

[@prathyusha5393]

Aah! This is a hard one !

[@Nat-oj2uc]

​@@toni-leeblair5869to me too. Can't stand enablers

[@Tamizushi]

The hardest part for me to accept, the pill I can't shallow even after years is "she will never accept responsibility for her behaviors".

[@Rut-vi7iz]

That's because she doesn't look at it like you do. Never will. Why grind away any more years wondering about it?

[@jackdeniston59]

Vast majority of women do not, and will never. Accept that, It is the driving force behind feminism.

[@solideogloria007]

Yep... same here.. but now i will work toward accepting it... and when my time has come, I will leave

[@markjayw666]

Nope, they never will, because then they are the abuser, not the victim. They will never heal, because they will never be honest.

[@shashi3072]

You know mother nature keeps account?...you move on peacefully nature balances everything.

[@elstal22]

I have to radically accept that there are people, for whatever reason, who don’t care for me. And that there are many who do like me. As I get better at accepting that there are those who don’t, I am able to embrace that there are those who do. And point myself in their direction. It’s like at first thinking it’s a grey day, and then realizing it’s just the sunglasses I’m wearing.

[@p.w.352]

I struggle with this. I think that because someone dislikes me everyone else dislikes me too. I know that's not true, but that's a symptom of the trauma from being rejected in various ways by two narcissistic family members. Maybe I need to accept that sometimes there is nothing I can do to make some people like me. Or that there is nothing that I am doing wrong to justify their dislike. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. It's good to hear about the progress of others.

[@ForestTiefling]

i hate to quote a british supermarket chain, but "every little helps"! I think you're on a good way, just look at you sharing how you cherished reading the other comment?@@p.w.352

[@moniquejackson7741]

@@p.w.352 You've absolutely got it. There IS NOTHING you can do to make a narcissist like you, and you have done NOTHING to justify their dislike.

[@elstal22]

I have been participating in a Codependents Anonymous online weekly meeting for over a year. And more recently I started EMDR therapy. I have also spent the last year going on long walks almost every day, eating much healthier food, and drinking far less alcohol. I’m finding that there is no magic bullet, no quick fix, just healthy longterm consistent strategies that change the lens through which I see myself and the world.

[@moniquejackson7741]

@@elstal22 You've got this!

[@pinkmeadows]

I try to look at silver linings. Yes therapy is avaliable, but the damage can't be undone. I look at the world differently. I take the learning as a blessing. I'm less confused now. Self care and new opportunities are my focus now. Thx Doc❤

[@markjayw666]

Yup spent $25,000 on therapy for my wife. No change what so ever. Pastors lied to me they could help. Liars. Brain damage cannot be healed.

[@Themajesticloot]

All their arguments circle around forever.

[@jokendrick2124]

You are right. The damage cannot be undone.

[@s.s.8029]

Absolutely! It has helped me to understand that most people do not have good intentions like I do. I also learned to trust my gut again and not get into unhealthy relationships. I can walk way more easily than in the past. I realize that my narcs make themselves out to be "good" people, but I know how they have treated me in private. They can live in denial, and I choose to live in the truth!

[@DanaP3335]

For me, I am still in the shock of "this is not how I imagined life would turn out for me". I thought it would be till death do us part. The slow death was me and my heart, emotions and mind in the 26 year marriage. I am still in the process of acceptance, in the middle of divorce. He has control of my 4 kids (3 adults) and he lives in our family home, I was made to leave with his abuse. I was a stay at home mom and homeschooled them, and I need to accept they believe lies about me, the mom that loved on them for 20+ years now. Even protected them from their dad's anger. They should know I am not mentally ill as their dad is accusing me of being. I feel like accepting life will be freeing and not fighting life and reality, as I feel knotted up inside.

[@karenk2409]

You have my compassion. I lost two adult children from my life, along with their kids, because of the lies and manipulations he perpetrated to destroy me. He even said he wanted me to commit suicide to "make it easy" on him, and then he would have all the money and property. That was the last straw, I literally fled for my life. Four years out, he failed at destroying me, he only got half of everything (that's how the law works), I am doing so much better, but have had to radically accept the destruction of our family that he accomplished is probably permanent. I cannot control what they decided to believe, even though it is pretty obvious now who was the "mentally ill" one.

[@maevebutler4641]

Hoping your children will return to you eventually

[@carlagribi6142]

And dread filled with anxiety knowing he's coming home, knowing the first thing out of his mouth will be shitty!! Yes, it's very heavy. They suck the life and human experience right out of you.

[@jds0981]

I think I feel lighter because being in denial is an energy drain.

[@konbonwa]

I was scapegoated by my overt narcissist father who was physically abusive and I had to go through radical acceptance that he would never change at the age of 3 years old. In junior high school I was completely family mobbed and had to go through the radical acceptance that the rest of my narcissistically warped family would never change. Later in life my golden child brother tried to steal my inheritance and then cut me completely off when I was forced to take legal action to protect my share. I had to go through the radical acceptance that my brother would never ever be the friend that I had so fervently hoped he would be. I have the pain of the loss of my childhood and I have the pain of knowing that I am completely on my own and that no one will step in to help me if I should get into serious difficulties in my life. But as the scapegoat in a narcisistically warped family I was always alone. I just didn't know that when I was a child.

[@mistwalker11]

Your story resembles mine so much that I wanted to say something encouraging to you. Things I experienced. It is difficult to be alone in your parental family. But you won't be alone all your life. There will be plenty of opportunities for creating meaningful connections, friendships and partnerships. Eventually these moments of connection will become the new norm and you'll find yourself surrounded by the right people. The healing is energy consuming of course but you seem to be on the right track. You deserve love and respect and I hope that there will be a lot of joy in your life in the future.

[@shereebarends1997]

This brings back my childhood of being the scapegoat and knowing from an early time I needed to do things on my own. An example is being in sub A and having to take a bus ride by myself and back even having to change busses alone. Everything I learnt I did without explaining myself to make things clear to anyone. As I grew up a friend remarked that I was different because I never asked another girl to accompany me to the toilet in strange places as other girls do. This independence makes you stand out as others become envious of you. And your narcissistic parents pack you up with more and more responsibilities and of course you may never fail or say no. Radical acceptance is a continuous process but it gets easier with time and less painful. You can feel alone inside your family circle and accept that years roll by and you are still seeing problems as if it's yours to fix. They remain narcs and it's easier when life brings them to their knees and they also find themselves alone. But will they change? No

[@jannlewandowski5540]

Everything you say is TRUE! Therapy cannot even change them. Even though i loved him, toward the end, when i left him, his expression was not that of sadness, but surprise and confusion. I was dying inside, but I had to accept it was over. It really never began. The Holidays were hard for 2 years, then it got better. I got better!

[@lisbethsalander1723]

It really never began... how sad yet true. Thanks.

[@elizabethy2912]

I agree. I'm going through this, and realize that he walked away from his family and didn't care. I love(d) him. He made sure to completely alienate our youngest daughter from me, after HE disowned her. I don't understand her blaming me for what HE did!! I can't talk to her- she's totally blocked me. So, on two fronts, I have to embrace radical acceptance, and I'm struggling. I hope it gets better!

[@lisbethsalander1723]

@@elizabethy2912 My heart goes out to you. These people make sure that you dont have any support left. I have been there - it's a very difficult place. You will make it through - you are not alone even though it feels likes that. It will get better .. it takes its own time though. If she is brainwashed by that man or she is acting on her own or maybe mixture of both .. what can we do? Focus on self slowly - easier said than done...but with time you can do it.

[@karenk2409]

You can't be married by yourself. Radical acceptance.

[@mikeypeacemaker2729]

They walk into the sunset to never come back, thats a true blessing in disguise. Now unpack the bag right there and work on yourself, it all starts with you. Dont wait, youre only waiting on yourself. Why not serve yourself what you want, when you want in a healthy manner? The sooner you start, the sooner you can ❤

[@bsgrizzzly1684]

This❤

[@sushmayen]

My narc spouse would go on and on rambling about insignificant things..my brain would become so fuzzy..it's not easy..radical acceptance helped me to stay calm

[@jendoudt3599]

Yes, I have to deal with the exact same thing the on and on and on talking down to me like I’m a child. It’s exhausting.

[@suzettecraig1811]

Omg, the rambling.

[@TheErbs]

I also have to deal with this. The way that I keep calm is to keep the original point in my head and then re-ask the same question or say the same statement. But the part that's important is to keep the point in your head and not let the childish act from the other person derail you.

[@crashtestdhimmi5469]

It's the word salad and gas lighting.

[@krisb7886]

Radical acceptance is life! It was depressing at first but you are right you feel so much lighter once you know.

[@eryaviel]

When you say that day comes, it's really true. One day I came home to random love-bombing and a clean house and a cooked dinner after months of him being passive-aggressive and giving me the silent treatment. That night it was like a light bulb went off in my head and I could SEE his abusive patterns so clearly. I left that night and never looked back; best decision of my life to date.

[@PiscesSun24]

It took me twelve years to accept that my ex and his family were just going to keep beating me down until I was totally a broke broken person. I had to leave my children with people who are installing the family tree of narcissism. I worry for my children I don’t know how to get them out. My eldest finally is an adult but then goes and signs a durable power of attorney with her narc grandmother! It’s so damn bad, so explosive and manipulative. I’m at the point I have to save myself and lead a life a career. I’m done with the wheel. I’m feeling somewhat better but my eight year old I still grieve for. 3 years I’ve been blocked out of her life almost 4 now is hard. I feel like a failure

[@Hatbox948]

Wow, so sorry. I hope things are a little better now.

[@sc.0419]

Been feeling empty lately, but realized that some of it is that - the pocket that used to be filled with anxiety, frustration, self-blame doesn’t have that crap! It’s almost all gone. That empty isn’t a negative, I think it might be called peace - what an awesome and beautiful thing. Could this be radical acceptance? Me thinks - YES! Hurray!

[@arrow9293]

I have felt the same way especially since I seem to not have control over my life. I have to radically accept that circumstances will eventually get better. It is just hard when the narcissists are my parents. Sometimes I question if it is one or both of them but no matter it is very challenging. What I truly want to do doesn’t matter because they consume the time. I have great ideas but they have to be pushed aside just to serve them, I wish it wasn’t this way.

[@GG-fv2kk]

I feel the same, no longer worrying about his erratic behaviour and what mood I'm gonna come home to, no more walking on eggshells. He took up so much of my thought process, I wouldn't say I'm at peace but.i have so much less anxiety and really do feel lighter.

[@Cleomauser]

Once you left and solved the remaining issues radical acceptance is necessary because feelings connected to situations can be hidden in your subconscious

[@Cleomauser]

I can see it in my former husband s third wife who clings to good memories although she found definite hidden proofs of facts and court cases of his previous marriages and the following divorces which she didn’t know about. Kind of a roller coaster which takes quite some time to resolve depending on how long the relationship lasted.

[@NimmyGierlinger_88]

Dr. RAMANI you have great Makeup today 🎉

[@commonsense126]

I had been told to forgive, but I could not. Then I finally realized I could let the pain go without forgiving them. Instead I decided that I was worth more than they were. Then when their thoughts invaded my mind I would say that my thoughts were more important than their criticism. So I did not accept them as they were but instead I trained myself to ignore them and value my own thoughts higher. It worked for me.

[@cherrybacon3319]

That's very similar to what I do.

[@daisy35310]

I've finally come to the place of radical acceptance of my verbally and emotionally abusive step father. We have weekly family calls and I basically gray rock whenever he says anything. I find he pretty much ignores me. Never makes a comment my way or even acknowledges I'm there. What hurts most is that he pays attention to my siblings. They've maintained a relationship with him in spite of how he's treated all of us since we were children. He was extremely abusive to my brother, when he was growing up, but now they have a pretty good relationship because my brother has committed himself to having lunch with my stepfather every week and it seems they've come to some kind of happy medium. I just can't bring myself to trying anymore. My mother passed away 18 months ago and I feel like I no longer need to try and have a relationship with him now that she's gone. I just can't understand how my brother and sister continue to go out of their way to be there for him after all he did to us, and to our mother over the years. It just makes me feel bad to see him interacting with them, and vice versa. I feel like I could have that too if I return to stroking his ego and putting up with his condescending remarks in the hope he'll throw me a bone once in awhile. Why can't I see past the way he is and be there for him as the grieving widower, like my brother and sister have? I feel like a bad person and I'm missing out, but he's hurt me so much over the years that I just can't do it. He's never been held accountable for the pain he's caused, yet now he has everyone's sympathy and attention.

[@sc.0419]

Can relate, you’re not alone. Seems like you’ve decided your well-being is important to you. I say good job.

[@debbievan8736]

To me there is nothing positive about accepting bad behaviour. If your stepfather took accountability and apologized it would be a different matter. He hasn’t done this and you rightfully feel hurt and resentful. Your siblings sound like they have let the matter go and you are unable to. This is how you feel and it sounds like you are a good person who would like to be treated the way you treat others. Don’t beat yourself up for expecting people to be decent. We all should expect this. Ignoring a person’s bad behaviour only allows them to continue. I see no virtue in letting him not take accountability.

[@MichaelBroder]

One thing that helps make radical acceptance easier and more productive is if you do it in the context of a 12 step program like Al-Anon and you do it with the serenity prayer: “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” That way radical acceptance becomes part of a larger framework in which you can look forward to making changes in your life.

[@schrysanthemum]

I love the serenity prayer ❤️ it's a good reminder to look at the things in your life that are within your control

[@Ma-Says]

This video is just what I needed to hear! I had a moment of radical acceptance this week. I had a hard conversation with my narc spouse and they seemed to listen and get me. Before I would have felt so hopeful that they “got” it but now I accept that what I’m doing is standing up for myself and asserting my boundaries. They do not get it and they won’t ever change. It’s a lot of grief but also a lot of freedom from their control.

[@karenk2409]

Keep strong and keep walking.

[@kimlarso]

🦋

[@RightToFreedomGirl]

@Ma -gurl, did u say Spouse oe Ex-spouse. Get out. Have u not seen true crime stories. Im so sick of "yay me i stood up for myself". WHO CARES?! Your ego, pride, & desperation are making u stay. Seriously it's like voluntarily staying with a kidnapper 😂 And we'll all say, God showed her he was a narc - she CHOSE to stay ... red flags & all. Oh well😂 Vigil 🎈 balloon celebrating your life in eternity can be avoided but Baby it's up to you You like the drama? Well if u like it i love it.

[@lisbethsalander1723]

I know that feeling of "heaviness" from my head to toe. My legs literally felt heavier after each of those encounters. Thank you for validating like no one ever did.

[@cornwallismorgan874]

Being able to see the world, and people, clearly and objectively is a blessing in disguise. It lets you know how you need to allocate your energy. Whenever I pick up on patterns like these, I just leave. With enough repeated incidents like this in my own life, in spite of being careful and intentional in my partner choice, I've just stopped dating altogether. I also bought your book and am greatly looking forward to reading it in February!

[@markrichards6863]

Acceptance seemed like a bitter pill, and the time, but it was the pivot point to steering my life away from a toxic situation, towards a more healthy life. It's the moment I decided to unpack the heavy baggage. It required a lot of emotional effort, and the was a lord of backlash, but I have no regret.

[@costelloandlizzievolk2233]

Love this. Radically accepting helps me let go of the need to manage it all and gives me the freedom to choose what’s good for me too so my soul feels lighter. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤

[@devannescrazylife]

Yes, I believe radical acceptance helps! It keeps me focused, and in the moment, not bitching to myself about what I already knew what was going to happen. You can prepare mentally beforehand, and realize it is a waste of time mentally to keep fighting. Radical acceptance has helped me tremendously! Thank you!

[@lt827]

The best thing radical acceptance did for me is it helped make me into the observer of the bad behaviour. Watching videos made by people who have been diagnosed with NPD helped the radical acceptance across the finish line. Once I realized how very different a narcissist’s mindset is from mine, a whole load of pennies dropped!

[@shereebarends1997]

Amen to that.

[@elizabethgrant9833]

You are wonderful and awesome as a counselor, teacher, with compassion and care you lead people who are hurting to greener pastures of calm and peace. God bless you, Dr. Ramani!!!

[@stupensardi2783]

I find that so hard to do because my daughter is caught in the claws of the narcissist and it seems that there is nothing I can do about it. I have such a maternal need to protect my daughter. I can't just leave her to it!

[@tishie42]

Radical acceptance saved me from a narc and addiction at the same time. Radical acceptance is part of the AA/NA program and every day I got better and each day clean, accepting what would come and embracing the suck, made me realize that the relationship was also an addiction and harmful to me. It was super organic. Radical acceptance took me down the path of self acceptance and love which means I can't accept someone in my life who isn't doing the same for themselves every day, striving for better through action, not manipulation. The only way out is through. I was becoming just as neurotic and I thought it was me going crazy. I was, and so were they. Like you say, once you see it, it can't be unseen.

[@karenk2409]

Congratulations for coming out on the other side a better, healthier, and wiser person.

[@markjayw666]

Acceptance that a person will not change is important. Bring a Christ follower, this was so difficult. But I had to write down the things I wanted and needed, and how I defined a healthy relationship. You cannot have any relationship without trust.

[@DanaP3335]

I am a Christian, I understand that feeling of thinking this can't be what God means with love and marriage. Other Christians, pastors and friends say God can do anything and to pray. God cannot make someone change and I am done putting myself in harms way to wait and see just for them to approve of me. I live my life and I have a direct line to God, and I am out the door.

[@markjayw666]

@@DanaP3335 Jesus cannot heal brain damage period! Good for you accepting the truth. I have spent $25k on therapy for my Sociopathic soon to be ex. They cannot, nor do they want to change!

[@elizabethy2912]

Accepting that my husband absolutely REFUSES to change or even think about it ( because he's MORE godly than most Christians he meets), is so heartbreaking!! He had me fooled for 34 years that he was a good man, and doing good things. Finding out what an exquisitely good con man he is, has shattered my perceptions of people. I'm glad we're separated, and going towards divorce- I have to radically accept that I'm better off without the illusion of who I believed he was all those years.

[@markjayw666]

@@elizabethy2912 Yes my sociopathic wife is a fake Christian as well. 140 perjuries and counting in divorce court! My wife even did the con of giving me a bible first date. What a con!

[@solideogloria007]

Yeah i think it should have brochures in every christian church: "How to avoid marrying a (covert) narcissist". Because I believed from the bottom of my heart that every Christ follower wants to change himself for the better. how naive I was. it brought me to 20y marriage with a covert n. it was hell on earth until I grasped what was going on. Thanks to youtube channels like Dr. Raminis... Now, I am working to become financially free to support myself and my children well and to say goodbye to the narc.

[@cathylivingston368]

True, radical acceptance brings other possibilities and opportunities to resolution, including inner peace and survival

[@JamesJones0556]

???

[@moniquejackson7741]

Brilliant. "A weight loss like no other." The Math analogy is spot on. Thank you! BTW you look really pretty, Dr. Ramani.

[@neant2046]

It's the stuff that you have to accept about your narcissists that sucks - the acceptance itself is amazing.

[@bravein1]

This is so true. I'm at this point where Radical Acceptance is helping me slowly detach from the Narc family member and save my soul.

[@MsShannaK]

Me this whole year …… 😮‍💨 getting there was brutal. Having a name for it made me smile from a really deep place. Thank you so much doctor for sharing your knowledge and coming to me at this point in my journey 💕 I really appreciate you sharing and educating on this level. Radical acceptance is …… kind of a game changer. Thank you from The sweet part of my heart that I know is still there. You are a gem. ❤👑

[@nicbro3831]

I implemented radical acceptance into my relationship with my narcissistic mother several years ago. I had to go low contact and hold boundaries. Im probably going no contact soon.

[@laylakeket6279]

I really needed to hear this 😊❤️. Thank you 🙏🏼.

[@cherylmoschitto_outwardsilence]

I can relate to this and I guess I didn't know I was going toward radical acceptance as I'm trying to release this toxic marriage

[@sylvies5050]

For me, radical acceptance was the first step of many many steps to becoming whole within again. The pieces of the puzzle came together.

[@JessClarkArt]

I need this video right now! Thank you. :) totally getting your book btw 😉

[@bananashortcake]

My dad is a narcissist and I still live with him. I’m finishing college in a month and have been working two jobs recently to make enough money so I can leave. I’ve lived in this house for more than half my life and it’s filled with pain, but my mom and I are doing the best we can to survive until she moves out and I can find somewhere else to go. I struggle with addictions because of being unhappy here, like I’m stuck in a cycle of getting hurt and using my addictions to cope which just makes me feel worse. I don’t know how to get myself out of it. It feels like as long as I live here, in this memory graveyard, I’ll be tethered to him and these addictions. I don’t know what to do

[@angelawade1445]

Leave asap. Save yourself.

[@cathylivingston368]

Radical acceptance was truly the beginning of the healing process. If you ask people if they would choose a course of action, they would reject it if there were any pain involved, knowing ahead of time. Radical acceptance is acknowledging that pain and suffering is a necessary part of the process to make life better.

[@NHorsford]

Radical acceptance has truly helped me. I feel a greater sense of relief and understanding of what happened. I have forgiven myself and I am in the healing process. I am still hurt and I still cry from time to time but I am getting better.

[@missymissy5570]

As always, thank you 🙏 this is the only path to releasing ourselves from the futile fight.

[@m.d.1395]

The issue for me is that I don't want closure; I want revenge. Narcissists need to pay dearly - either once or many times - for what they've done. The fact they can just walk away with no consequences makes me ill.

[@bellaluce7088]

"When your soul feels lighter, everything does." So true! The wave of lightness and optimism about life in general that I felt after leaving a narc relationship shocked me. So has my ability to see through the hoovering and remember she has no interest in actually changing. *Freedom rocks!* 😄THANK YOU, Dr. Ramani!

[@tomchurch2285]

The grief stays! Hopefully, with the work put in, over time, the open wound becomes more of a scar . . .

[@ryanbennettsr.4301]

Fr....you are always on time with your energy. Thank you.

[@janeloraine6231]

I thought he would mellow with age and be a kinder, nicer version for her. But understanding he will always be himself, a narcissist, I know she's getting the same guy behind closed doors. Now, she's the new babysitter to calm his tantrums.

[@Jbelly275]

So true

[@lt827]

I remember my professor saying if you have to struggle to learn, the learning is a higher quality. I think this true here: I had to dive really deeply into the ick and then I finally got it.

[@dnk4559]

Thank you! It’s been a year and a half since my narcissistic father passed and having to accept my siblings have followed in his footsteps and want to continue his scapegoating instead of healing the trauma we all experienced has been so hard to accept.

[@chanel82593]

I think radical acceptance helps us live among them. If you have family, friends or even a spouse, it helps to deal with them.. but maybe much differently and kept at a distance for sure. you just see them as mentally unstable. And any and everything they say.. well its typically a delusion. And their actions..are just side effects of that delusion.

[@w8what575]

My 16 year old son said something he noticed…it seems they hate u (me) because of ur sheer will to move past the bs they create for u….it’s ur will to achieve and succeed in everything u put ur mind into….and they lie and tell u ur a loser and u can’t do anything but in reality ur the most successful out of the entire group…and they can’t stand that

[@MissVanillaLime]

Your son is so wise ❤

[@user-zm6uk2tl9y]

It became a do first thing in the morning listen to you and get my day started ♥️ this is my 4th month with no contact with him and listening to your channel and understanding everything and put in practice. Made this easier! THANK YOU SOO MUCH FOR YOUR TIME,

[@flashylittlesteps]

Radical acceptance towards narcissists themselves finally comes easy for me, but what’s really messing me up is radically accepting that there’s not much you can do to wake up/help the victims and enablers in denial of their own abuse.

[@krisb7886]

That will take time as well. Accepting that some victims or enablers are ok with their role. It bothers me sometimes too to see the enablers deal with it, but there is nothing I can do. Some people like to keep wearing their rose colored glasses.

[@flashylittlesteps]

@@krisb7886 and even if they’re already suffering there’s nothing you could do to help as long as they are not ready. I know intellectually, but not emotionally. Not yet, at least. Thanks for your support :)

[@krisb7886]

@@flashylittlesteps Yw. I understand it is hard at times. Take care of yourself❤️

[@danarchambault8723]

Radical acceptance from a whole group of people , it was quite the journey to peace and tranquility

[@maevebutler4641]

Radical acceptance of a parent is now saving my sanity Low/no contact is the only option for me going forward & it has brought a new peace to my life No contact with nex for a couple of years now & that grief happened a long time ago Knowledge is all powerful Thank you, DrRamini

[@bethpulliam803]

You have helped me and nurtured me so much! Thank you for such great content. I can't wait to read your book!!!

[@mariac4327]

I think of this as another tool in my tool box. This is really helpful. Thank you.❤❤❤

[@doubleroti4672]

This right here is all there is. It’s the high level overview of the bottom line of what you need to know in order to survive and be sane again thank you so so so so so so so much!!

[@Wishpool]

It's so difficult to get there, but when you do, the indifference is golden! 💛 ☀

[@lgarelick]

So true. I am finally lifted and care no more about him. I miss the fun times and friends but not him and the nastiness and gaslighting. Of that I am free and it’s worth it that I left.

[@danahinson8212]

Dr. Ramani, I cannot tell you how timely this is!! I was having this exact conversation with my counselor yesterday and this video really breaks down what she was trying to tell me so that I understand it better. I was kind of emotional and all that my brain could process was, "is she essentially telling me to get over it? And why does he get the free pass?" Thank you so much for this video. It was a perfect tie-in with my appointment yesterday and is a big a-ha moment between the two!! ❤

[@reneel9719]

❤ amen, you described it very well and hit the nail on the head I love what you said about the who done it novel😂

[@dodibenabba525]

It's brutal but it's the best option. You start your healing journey quicker.

[@vwilson6673]

Thanks you for Everything Dr. Ramani! Your information & guidance has helped me understand & navigate this thing more than any other resource out there.

[@Romain_Galland]

1:57 "weak ass consolation prize" is putting it mildly…I lost 14 years of my life and my health, will never have a normal life again because of that. I truly believed it would be selfish to leave not that I really considered it since I was so in love all the while very conscious about his narcissistic trait…and when I finally truly reached radical acceptance he cheated and left. Now wants a divorce 🙃

[@richyrich4672]

Leaving the bat shit crazy I put up with in my life has brought nothing but peace happiness harmony and contentment now that’s something I can radically accept. Thank you God for opening up the door for me to walk through. It was a exit door no re-entry allowed

[@user-dj5vc9ce8w]

Radical acceptance is a way to realize that it is time to move on and the fact that it will happen. Radical acceptance helped me move forward and I'm getting the help I need for me

[@audreydugan9668]

Radical acceptance is the point where I understand and grasp My Independence as a being from the antics of the controling personality, I accept radical acceptance - it is maturity - it's that ingredient that answers my constant question 'there has to be a better way' ... still I have to work at it...Thank you Dr Ramani

[@nicholasschroeder3678]

Radical acceptance is really how you should approach all people, including yourself. You can't change anyone, and realizing what you and they really are, a mix of good and bad, is the only way you can come to terms: you accept them, and you can change a bit the less desirable qualities you have.

[@kryssysmith1486]

Radical acceptance, and having all the narcissists out of your life just lift the burden, don't know how, don't know why but it just seems to lift the burden. It's essentially shedding a new skin because you're coming into your OWN reality of your authenticity, without the negative influences surrounding you you can become yourself and you have the space to become yourself.

[@mindfulpeace8060]

This message is very helpful. Thank you

[@josephcreed7]

This means (thanks to you and your channel) I've gotten there. No wonder I'm able to take these types of people for who they are. The drama doesn't affect me much at all!

[@kitkit5515]

So excited for your new book! I am reading your don’t you know who I am book right now. Yep undoubtedly their traits will inevitably self sabotage their new relationships. This experience will forever scar me but it also had positives I grew massively and survived.

[@mhmaggiehanley1]

It is the only thing that got me through. And I am feeling the detachment increasing month after month. I even got an unintentional peak at the new supply's repeat story which helps with eliminating self blame. It's like a freaking miracle!

[@kathydolloway9581]

I think you will only feel lighter once you get radical acceptance AND get through the grief. I'm proud to say I'm there now but it was HELL !

[@milaanderson4672]

But there is NO JUSTICE! they never feel hurt… ever!!! Makes me so angry.

[@Ms_Evolvez]

Gosh what a journey it took me to radical acceptance it took me more years than I was when I with him due to all the crap that happens BUT now I’m happy because it’s ok to be who you are, I haven’t had or desire to find a partnership in 10 years and it’s given me freedom and yes I do laugh at the shit he gets himself into as I do have a daughter from him and boy does she tell me the gossip 😂 luckily she’s able to see what he is without any bias from me (that was the darkest part of my life that I wouldn’t want for anyone) and in turn she’s able to help her half sister with the mind games he plays (yep he’s then other family I wasn’t aware of but I was first) It’s just once you’ve climbed out of the swamp you can begin again and once you’ve accepted that for me I’m happier on my own I can breathe a sigh of relief 🎉🎉🎉🎉 I really hope for anyone unfortunate enough to have had to deal with a shitty person that one day you too can breathe a sigh of relief 🎉😊

[@Wishpool]

Congrats on your new book, Dr. Ramani!!! ⭐ 📕 Also, you look beautiful! 🌹

[@ruby-qv5bd]

Thank you, thank you! I will definitely be purchasing your new book. Thank you for the relief, I am feeling some calmness take over my body.

[@angelacahill9460]

It's freedom! Tough to get there, worth the work.

[@ArissaTinkers]

Yes!!!! This is exactly what I'm needing! First comment and first like! Yayay. I'd love to get a video in depth of how to create a healthy relationship with a vulnerable narcissist. Also, I want there to be as much compassion to the narc as possible because it's all mainly based on trauma. I love your videos so much and you have been helping me so deeply with everything. Thank you for your brain and content

[@joramccoy2018]

You cannot create a “healthy” relationship with any narcissist. They will forever pull on your empathy. Once you fully accept that fact, the more you can pull away and set “healthy” boundaries need be, such as short responses, straight to the point answers, IF you have no choice but to stay connected such as having young kids with one. Otherwise no contact is the best way to deal with narcissists. This whole video was said perfectly. The only way to truly find freedom and to truly protect your mental health, is to RADICALLY accept these facts and MOVE ON or it’s a slippery slope .

[@amberinthemist7912]

There are no healthy relationships with narcs. It's not possible.

[@angelawade1445]

Narcissists and relationships dont happen. If you want to live to please the dictator or learn their evil tricks to somehow use against them maybe you could live in the same house but I'd rather have a relationship with a kind empathetic person I could count on and trust with my heart.

[@filemmmonger]

Looking fabulous today!!

[@user-ez2vb7qg3s]

Thank you Dr.Ramani just ordered your book can’t wait to get it ❤

[@Wonderwhynemui]

Is there really NO WAY that narcissists will change? I keep fantasizing the day he will say sorry and will sincerely try to change for the family.

[@b8akaratn]

Radical Acceptance is a lot like Quantum Mechanics. I'm not and NEVER shall be sure of how it is possible, but shrugging the shoulders to accept through experience makes My life a lot less confusing and therefore, more comfy. #IAlsoPreOrdered 😂❤💙❣️

[@suzymagan7575]

It is heavy. Carrying other people's emotions and prolonging the agony is heavy. Thank you for showing me how to shed the weight!

[@Joelswinger34]

It sucks, but you can't change reality! That's the problem with narcs - they seem to think they can!

[@Hannahdealer8180]

Wait a minute! It clicked for me! I just identified a friend of hers that was sweet, that we both welcomed warmly to ljnch at our home, and who my mum recently commented on with contempt when she wasn't around. I had often taken her fluctuating "mood" personally.

[@juliepicard1492]

My ex went to AA meetings. He didnt get better. He simply learned a different recovery vocabulary to better shame me and manipulate people.became malignant/f@cking communal

[@percystreet]

Radical acceptance is fine for the little, private things - but very difficult when I think cheating is involved in the equation. Then the feeling of injustice can be overwhelming!

[@vicki1619]

I already pre-ordered the book and look forward to learning all I can on this healing journey!

[@KatK117]

Yay! Preordered your book 🥰