Re-Parenting - Part 35 - Relationships - Part 1

Parenting involves teaching your child how to choose good friends, be a good friend, and giving them the tools to have a healthy relationship. Complex Trauma greatly works against that in many ways. Why is that? What does a healthy relationship look like?
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ENGAGE
🎓 Workshops are being made available where you, a group or organization can attend to learn about Complex Trauma. Workshops are specific to Complex Trauma and vocation themes, and offer detailed information about how Complex Trauma creates dysfunction and offers tools for healing.
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[@davidnorman2134]

I'm 47 years old and feel emotionally like I'm 13 years old and all those survival tools hit home to me. Thank you for sharing these things I've never met or heard anyone who seems to understand internally me

[@ArteGrata]

I came here to comment quite the same as you 🌼 I'm 38 years old. And I'm literally writing down all the topics for a healthy relationship, as though I've never learned/was taught those things. I often feel like an alien, learning from zero about a culture.

[@indigosmyth7475]

Same! I'm 40yrs old but am aware parts of me are a 14yr old girl, but in saying that don't be too hard on yourself, there are people that are 5yrs old inside and never want to grow and never will grow❤

[@rubberbiscuit99]

Thank you so much. I so wish that all of what you know about C-PTSD was widely known, understood, and accepted. ☮️❤️

[@Mom_Luvs_Tech]

You’ve changed my life.

[@darias8573]

It's truly amazing that we are not taught from a young age the ABC's of relationships. We are truly clueless about what a healthy relationship looks like, and only when we choose to educate ourselves do we realize how many of our relationships have been unhealthy and how little we know of the basic dynamics of relationships. Thank you so much for these video's. ❤

[@PuntedKitten]

I'm always impressed by your work, sir. Thank you for your efforts.

[@verumbellator6899]

Thank you for all that you do for the the lost souls in this world. You are much appreciated.

[@JoJoJo789]

Your work is amazing, thank you for all of your VALUABLE content. The world needs people like you 😄

[@astronaut6542]

Thank you so much. You nurture and validate my recovery journey. Thank you for that.

[@primalumina]

Mulțumim!

[@doriannemosich232]

So this is why relationships are so hard thank you for the truth the tools the guidence to start again!!! Thank You TIM!

[@davidsquire5731]

***At 7:56, Tim says we need to fully accept the other person for there to be a healthy relationship. But this is only a partial truth. Since self-abandonment, or dissociation, is the first survival tool that’s “picked up”, self-rescue is the first “healthy relationship tool” that needs to occur before acceptance of another person is possible. If we don’t start here, we will never be able to fully accept anyone else. Unconditional Love to ALL.

[@Spritual-life-lessons]

17 K ppl watched and so many less likes, how is that even fair? His podcast literally changed my life !!!!

[@lucicaoanea8485]

God bless you! Your life is a real bless for us.

[@BookWorm2369]

Great lecture as always. I have listened to dozens of your lectures and they have helped me so much on my healing journey. I am looking forward to diving deeper into the topic of relationships as it is where I would like to grow right now. I'm finally in a place where I can start making attempts at healthy relationships. This is after 5.5 years of diligent psychological work. I find myself more social and more easily reaching out to others; my social anxiety has decreased and I don't feel so intimidated by other people anymore (my shame has shrunk!). What I seem to struggle most with is if I am repeating my same relationship patterns or if I'm changing them. I'm usually good at spotting where I need to make changes and seize the next available opportunity to do this, but with relationships I feel stuck. I know that I get anxious about being in relationships because Im still learning the skill of setting boundaries. So I will get anxious about becoming overwhelmed in a relationship, but I remind myself that I can set boundaries and it will be ok. The part where I struggle is I'm worrying that I'm pushing away people who might be good for me and that I'm still giving people who are not good for me a chance to get close to me. I second guess myself repeatedly when it comes to these relationship scenarios. I believe myself to be a fearful avoidant attachment style, working toward secure. I have stopped all attempts at dating and I'm focusing on myself and my children, which sounds good, but am I just avoiding relationships? I feel really good right now by building my life and having routines that keep me grounded. Should I just stick to that until I feel a more solid sense of self? Thanks again 🤗

[@melissad.6722]

wow this message is God timed for me!

[@natalyorlova5690]

Thank you so much! ❤❤

[@mariacliment2767]

The best video I have ever watched about cptsd

[@smilingfawn1594]

My Picker is Broken !!!!!!!

[@alexandrugheorghe5610]

Shame, yes. Such a difficult emotion to deal with.

[@emusic96785]

Another terrific presentation of a complex topic 👏🏽

[@georgieeve2026]

Thank you :) ♡ 🙏

[@playsavedthechild.2848]

Excellent Talk Tim. Thanks for extending these templates of thought and being on this platform. Be blessed.

[@JMSsssssss]

Thank you for fixing the audio ❤️

[@Vee0777]

Thank you Tim, it's a weird how i found you channel, but your explanation about complex trauma and then about relationship is so helpful And i thank God for what you are doing, it's such a blessing because many of us doing mistakes not knowing the reason why

[@wintabelay9061]

I would go to his church if he was in my neighborhood

[@menotyou6254]

I have learned that People and situations that feel familiar to the past it’s my warning to either proceed with caution or exit completelyI. It’s a beautiful journey and if the change has to happen with me then that means it’s definitely possible it’s exciting actually. Mahalo

[@HeartlandShepherds]

Thank you Tim, your videos are really helping me.

[@annamaria9899]

This is so sad.😢 I am healing 4 years, but I have the feeling like I am just at the beginning or havent begun.😢

[@thebluebutterfly5177]

We have this dynamic of earning love sadly with my children. My parents, despite their own work, is still heavily and deeply in conditional love. But I don’t know how to healthily manage getting away from that and not be taken advantage of.

[@christyjones3590]

Big hug

[@anitabubic6094]

Bravoooo

[@bevsofroniuk1193]

so many tools to discard...relearn...

[@thebluebutterfly5177]

I have struggled to watch this a bit simply due to some sound quality issues. I hear a high pitched noise all the way through. Just FYI.

[@lawrenceleclerc6664]

its all sounds good but very hard to change, and i am depressed and discouraged!!!

[@olgakim4848]

Yes, very hard, indeed. But very possible. You can do it!

[@lawrenceleclerc6664]

@@olgakim4848 maybe

[@Lemoncare]

We’ll get a positive vocabulary start smiling. You can do it!

[@Spritual-life-lessons]

How can anyone gives unconditional love? We have a need from the other person and so they have, I understand the part of being equal. But I don’t understand unconditional love.

[@joostvanherpen3138]

all my ex girlfriends also had no father in their life, I have often thought about how that is possible.

[@maguyjabbour5896]

❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

[@davidnorman2134]

And this stuff your sharing has ruined my relationships, I just feel like I have zero relationship skills and just stuck in this sick behavior cycle.like a merigo round

[@PuntedKitten]

Are you willing to tolerate that feeling and put in the work? I know the feeling and I suspect many others watching this have the same feeling, but that feeling isn't destiny. We may need to grieve our losses, but I think if we manage to get a foothold and stick with it, we might get somewhere.

[@DA-ee1xi]

Mentioning "unconditional love" at the end of a list of two dozen conditions is nonsensical. A relationship between two people is like a contract and for it to be fulfilled, certain elements must be met. In this case we're talking of needs... which therefore makes this love conditional.

[@astronaut6542]

when a person is healthy and is interested in your life and how you are doing, it´s unconditional love. When a person is interested in you but he/she bring their own unfullfilled needs from their childhood to the relationship, the love is conditional, what´s reality in most cases btw. sorry for my messed up english but i hope you get the point.

[@Alphacentauri819]

You can unconditionally love someone...but that is not the same as unconditionally tolerating certain behaviors. Our love, to them, is not dependent on their behavior, and so on...we just love. It takes a careful evaluation of what "love" is. However, loving someone and staying with them are light years apart. We can love and say "no", say "no" to abuse, neglect and so on. We have boundaries, and needs, that we need to clearly, calmly, communicate. We have a responsibility to follow through with the stated consequences as well, also clearly and calmly. We can love someone and leave them. Too many do not realize this. We do not love them only because they behave as we want, or do everything we say. Unconditional love, loves...not because of any thing earned, but because the person exists. I love my sister, and she is not in my life. She has some extremely abusive behavior. I will not talk to her on the phone, give her money, or anything. I still love her though.

[@Ana-rb7ws]

@@Alphacentauri819 I was speaking on a more practical term instead of going into ideological differences. The truth is in order for people to cohabitate, there have to be rules, and these rules have to be respected and maintained, which, when done properly, we call love. And the kind of love you’re speaking of, true and ideal in its nature, may or may not exist in practical terms, but would definitely involved two evolved individuals. And for the same reason, as you said, you can often love someone but not be able to be with them. In this case, love is a feeling, a yearning, a well-wishing for another.

[@DaveE99]

At best unconditional love is a sort of ethic of care and attitude in my view. It has a longer reward or reciprocity window and expectations.

[@belindaborja8788]

This guy is depressing!

[@menotyou6254]

I do not find him depressing at all he’s speaking the truth and the truth will set you free.

[@angelicacroitoru4946]

Maybe he's not most cheerfull guy, but for those who had early childhood trauma It makes sense.