Re-Parenting - Part 36 - Relationships - Part 2 - Breakdown

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[@decoybc1]

you have saved my life tim. my family’s life. My whole family lineage will be forever changed by you. I am so grateful thank you

[@jimenasanchez7529]

yes mine too! thank you time for all the work that you do. you are healing generations

[@DeborahJoshua24]

I don’t want to hurt my husband… but I don’t care anymore. I’m not angry… I’ve just tried and tried and tried some more, and now my “try-er” is completely empty. I’m trying to figure out where to go from here. 42 years married (if you can call it that)… I’ve been a stay-at-home mom (now grandmom) all my life… but I don’t care anymore.

[@PassionateFlower]

It's the fact they don't care if they hurt you which makes you feel unloved, yet it is they who accuse you of being unloving or uncaring if you leave them💔

[@carlsbad9000]

Bless you. You are resilient

[@meljmcn]

Praying for you.

[@marthamiller1312]

I'm in this place, too. 25 years married, and I'm done.

[@davidcrawford9026]

this is so my mother, she was completely selfish and I blew up at her finally and that was it. Same as my brother. None of them try, none of them care, they just use people until they're all used up then discard them and go get new people to suck the life out of

[@Lyrielonwind]

I'm not a psychologist but besides being the scapegoat, I have been my family's therapist but every time I needed someone to listen to me, they told me to go to a psychologist and a therapist can help me to cope with their rejection but no one can fix my relationship with them if they don't want to and reject me. It gets to a point you are empty and have nothing to give anymore because they drained you dry.

[@musicbrazilian7065]

​​@@Lyrielonwind Counting on people with unresolved trauma thst lack self reflection is self sabotaging dont do it. Besides self absorption they.have nothing to offer. Make new friends become aware of your past traumas. When we were raised by narcisists we tend to attract takers that dont know how to reciprocate.

[@Lyrielonwind]

@@musicbrazilian7065 I know but making healthy friendships is harder nowadays and more if you are not young anymore. I'm conscious about my traumas and I'm trying to heal and be more conscious about some traits I thought they were mine but are trauma responses like people's pleasing. That makes me a magnet for narcissists and fighting it feels weird like if you are going against your nature when it's not. I like how Tim describes the fight between your limbic brain and your rational brain. It's real. I took the Myers Briggs test and it seems my personality type is INFJ which makes it easier to understand myself but although we can be great friends we don't get along with most of the other personality types and we usually end up alone because we just can't deal with fake or shallow people. Have a great day ☺️💜☘️

[@Lyrielonwind]

Not mentioning my original complex trauma with my family, the worst I ever had, my last relationship ended because my partner punished me with silent treatment for no reason during months while I was asking what did I do wrong, still no answer and he pushed it so bad that when I went abroad with a four months with a scholarship, after a month I realized I didn't miss him at all. I realized I called him because I felt I had to do it but still he wasn't able to communicate with me. That's how silence treatment can end up everything just because he wanted me to feel guilty about nothing. Manipulation can back fire.

[@bavershakila]

Im so grateful for your channel. Thanking you from my heart! Can you please make a serie of selflove, a relationship with yourself. How can we stop escaping ourselves? How can we feel good, worthy and loveable?

[@bushraalmas5397]

I started crying,it was so relatable for me

[@turquoisoul]

I hear you. Same here. I wish you find strength and comfort, and healing.

[@marianatequiero28]

Yep that’s pretty much how it goes for us crazy’s

[@anonymousprivate6814]

Really got a lot from this. Thanks Tim. Got me thinking to my relationship with my parents and my relationship with myself.

[@thebluebutterfly5177]

Not all the way through watching, maybe just over half way, but having done a significant amount of work on betrayal and infidelity I would say while I can absolutely identify with a lot in here. Anger and closed hearts are an absolutely understandable protective mechanism of the betrayed and no one should feel guilty for it, which I feel this potentially could do! If the betrayer wishes there to be an improvement in the relationship then it is up to them to change and make it so. Communication clear and lots of help and work to bring an open heart to help the betrayed’s heart to open and trust again. This takes time. No it’s not a great idea to start deep conversations poorly however, to expect a betrayed to be perfect and on their best behaviour after the betrayer has acted out and completely broken all trust, this I believe would be handled and dealt with in a very different and delicate way.

[@taspany]

Nowhere in the video did I hear anyone should feel guilty. But in that state we can't heal and that's a fact

[@deb9784]

That's true, but if a betrayer wants to overcome the mistrust they've created, they need to do something to bring healing and trust back into the relationship. So often that takes time and patience.

[@jeanetjensen6474]

🥰 thank you Tim 🙏🌍🇩🇰⚘️

[@sherylyvette]

Thanks!

[@nigeria7324]

Thank you 🙏🌺

[@carrie-annehixson3156]

Just described the breakdown of my marriage

[@scotttinervideoeditor5200]

39:00 Finally!

[@user-xy6si4kz8v]

I hear you, that is where I am at.

[@CJSmith-ky5bh]

I think then what needs to be asked is… is my opinion/perspective rational and true? Because people in/from CT will think this of someone who’s healthy. But it will infact be their own projection of their own behaviours.

[@Vic-jw7vb]

What if you tried to open up before and it did not work how many times do we open and close hearts ??? Especially when the partner is an addict ??

[@Lyrielonwind]

Your partner has to resolve the addition first, in my opinion. I was married to an addict and nothing I did was of any help because he didn't want to change until I started to get sick over and over again. It gets to a point is a matter of life or death for the codependent.

[@marianatequiero28]

Still , iv been lonely and not connected with my partner but still could never cheat . I guess it’s black and white ying Yang . Evil , you don’t do it you think about the other person and how your gonna live with it .. tell them first or leave period

[@michaelames6317]

1000% nail on the head... two years since my affair... Inaddition, she developed a facial upper lip/nose sneer tick... in trouble.

[@sarahalderman3126]

You could be correct but two years is not a long time, especially in the context of a long term relationship. I myself am at the year and a half point from the day I learned of my husband's infidelity and all the lies to protect it. In all honesty most times it still hurts just as much as it did the day I learned. But then I do have a long and difficult past beginning as a toddler who was molested and beat until I was around 9 and then manipulated into a sexual relationship at 12 with a forty year old man amongst numerous other things, so I am far from the norm. But they do say that infidelity in marriage can take an equal amount of time to heal as the relationship was long before the infidelity. So if you were together for 7 years before you cheated, it can take up to another 7 years before your relationship will be healed... idk how accurate that is but out of those who've experienced this that I have spoken with about this have all tended to agree that it takes 5-10 years to truly heal from marital infidelity.❤

[@jenellejessop2454]

John Gottman, yes!

[@your_mommy_issues_are_show4060]

Lmao, the affair is the result of a narcissist that needs his way and a scumbag that screws married people. There is absolutely nothing you could have done with a narcissist.

[@ebbyc1817]

no, anyone is capable of an affair.. we are not "all bad" or all good. People are complex. Anyone is capable of hurting the other.

[@y.peffle2802]

not everyone is a narcissist

[@Lyrielonwind]

There's nothing you can do with a narcissist but run. They don't change.

[@ts3858]

Tim loves to make 'lists' and it gets lengthy. Keep it simple ...🙏

[@ailishmarsden4781]

The way I see it, the lists aren't actually intended to be lists, it's just a way for Tim to structure the ideas he wants to talk about. You're not being quizzed on this stuff, it's ok to just take what you need from what he's talking about and leave the rest.

[@erinm3567]

I find the details extremely helpful 🤷

[@TankGirlMohawk]

I love it. I screenshot them so I can have a reference later if need be. Thanks Tim!

[@Lyrielonwind]

His lists are simple. He's talking about tough stuff not Disney movies.

[@Tsuki7786]

It reminds me of myself, so I enjoy it. Lol my ADHD organized chaos takes me on wonder mental adventures 😎

[@your_mommy_issues_are_show4060]

I can't get behind the concept of God. It's blatant gaslighting put next to narcissistic abuse God is a narcissistic abuser.

[@basimena5]

You have free will

[@BookWorm2369]

You don't have to get behind the concept of God to get value from these videos. Spirituality and religion are tools, how they are used is going to determine how useful we find them. It is true that toxic, abusive and manipulative people will use religion against you in a way to control you. Abusive people tailor their tactics to cause the most harm to their victims. If you have religious trauma in your background, an abuser will find that wound and pour salt on it. An alternative interpretation is that the concept of God is a reflection of our father figure.

[@Alphacentauri819]

Maybe you're struggling with some superimposed narrative of "god" from a rigid religion. That's not the "god" that is connected to all things. First and foremost question your own narrative about god, where you got it from and if you need to pursue a new definition, a new narrative...and find the love that "god" is.

[@Alphacentauri819]

@@BookWorm2369 many people with Cptsd reject any concept of god because of your last sentence. They don't want anything to do with a father, and god as a reflection of someone who caused them exceeding harm doesn't jive. The concept of god should never be a reflection of a flawed human anyways....but of hope, light, love. Some need a different idea, way removed from any earthly "father" to ever open up to a concept of god.

[@ebbyc1817]

I'm not interested in the religious part but not angry enough to comment, I'm guessing someone representing 'god' did something very bad here...