Re-Parenting - Part 9 - Hurt

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Parents teach their children how to process and resolve hurt. Getting hurt in relationships and by life is part of life. In recovery, we must re-parent ourselves to learn how to respond to hurt in a way that will enable us to resolve it.
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[@pamelacroya1502]

Thank you so much for the videos! I’m 55 years old and have struggled through life trying to understand and heal my intense anxiety, but never quite finding the clue. A good counselor helped a tiny bit, but your videos are so eye opening to me. I finally feel like I’m finding some answers! Blessings to you & your family and to everyone who has been hurt & is working on their healing.

[@nickandrews2255]

If YOU GET A THERAPIST WHO GIVES YOU / SHOWS YOU HOW TO THAVE A SECURE RELATIONSHIP IT WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE I PROMISE YOU I HAD THIS IT WAS LIFE ALTERING I HAD IT AT 23 IT REALLY GASVE MY LIFE LIKE A SECOND CHANCE IT FELT LIKE STARTING LIFE NEW WITH A SECOND CHANCE ALL PREVIOUS STUFF WAS LIKE A SEPERATE LIFE ITS CRAZY PLEASE DO THIS IT WILL HELP SO BADLY XXXX CHEERS BRO BEST OF LUCK HOPE YOU GET THE LOVE + HEALING YOU DESERVE

[@godzillamanstreb524]

Me too….so much anxiety 😨

[@TinaDougherty]

Me 3. Much Love 🙏🏻💕

[@nagrabagra4924]

TY for these words of truth and instruction. It has helped me to process my whole painful and confusing life. I am really not near healing any time soon, but it gives be wee glimpses of hope to get through the rest of my life.

[@sunshinesunflowerz1647]

Thank you, Tim while you were explaining my brain was thinking about all the hurt I've endured at the hamds of relatives, and how my body shuts down around certain ones. Like I can be myself when its my mom, my brother, my niece and ny dad, other cousins, supposed friends. I don't ask about them; I don't attend gatherings and I don't share certain things about my life. I stay to myself and heal myself, I also stay away from catty, gossipy females who play in your face and pretend.

[@JT0007]

My parents were absolute shit. Even used me financially as an adult. What I’ve learned here is my shitty abusive parents are garbage because they were raised by garbage. I’m more like them than I’d like but Time videos help me move further away from them to what I should be. I’m atheist af but god bless Tim for his positive impact on humanity. I wish the world would listen to Tim. We can fix society so much quicker once we realize everyone’s issues stem from childhood trauma.

[@TinaDougherty]

Same Much Love 🙏🏻💕

[@Usernameblahblahnblah]

I respect ypur right to your beliefs but Tim's knowledge and his own healing came from studying the Bible. All of this stuff is in that one book.

[@nevadatan7323]

​@@Usernameblahblahnblahthe bible doesn't give credentials in psychology or trauma counselling friend.

[@christiea772]

I was in therapy for years in and off. These videos are the shortcut to many years of treatment. I am extremely grateful for your work ❤

[@saycog1084]

I used to have a trigger ( and I’m aware it still can happen) that people I felt had power over me, whenever I felt their mood changing ( according to my standards of change) I’d start immediately to plan how to please them. I’d give them presents I wouldn’t give myself,they were my priority. Very sad.

[@mknels1299]

I was my patent's counselor

[@Hawaiiansky11]

One sign I notice about myself is that when someone gives me an ounce of kindness or compassion, I overwhelm them in return with thanks, gifts, and "double payment". As though someone being kind to me means that I 'owe' the something.

[@darialo8740]

Understandable. It’s like you’re ready to fix their problems and ready to rescue or protect them from their negative emotions. That includes dimming your own light so they feel more comfortable around you, that’s what I did… Healing.

[@RobertaFierro-mc1ub]

We get pooped on in the end.

[@ceciliacoulombe-judkins2311]

Oh my God....pretty much every relationship dynamic that I have dealt with

[@boxelder9167]

I have suffered from something similar. I pray that God fills the emptiness and pain with love. May He heal and help you understand your trauma and that you can fulfill your purpose.

[@lynnev9781]

You ahve changed many people life ,myself included. Your words always bring lots of comfort n joy to listen to. THANK YOU SO MUCH

[@MsGroovalicious]

You are blessed by the God of the Bible.

[@LilachLavy]

You probably know this- but these videos are Amazing... They are so helpful to cultivate awareness of how it is to be Human, basically....

[@drsandhyathumsikumar4479]

Tim .your explanations makes so much sense and clarity . Pieces of puzzle fitting together . Thanks 🙏

[@chiaradina]

Thank you so much, this has been extremely helpful for me 🙏🏻💚

[@stylist62]

Exactly deep hurt takes time, it’s a process, don’t minimize people’s hurt, you hurt them more, hurt doesn’t mean they aren’t working on it, growing.

[@joycethompson7179]

I am so grateful for your videos and the information that you share. Complex trauma is complex. My parents did the best they could. I was not a planned baby as my sisters are 11 years older and 7 years older. My grandmother lived with us in a 3 bedroom house with no washing machine, dryer, no dishwasher. We had a beauty shop on the end of our house, so my mother had to make frequent trips to the laundromat. I was a difficult and emotional child that was spanked with a belt and had trouble in school. I’ve had difficulty with all relationships my whole life. I’ve gone to counseling and at times a doctor has prescribed medication. I’m soon to be 65 years old. Your videos have helped me understand so much. I am certainly the person that needs to reparent myself. My parents did give me food, clothing, shelter, but the emotionally neglected me. Watching your videos sheds so much light on my lifetime of struggles. I wish that I lived in the vicinity to be part of your group. Thank you so much for helping us with your knowledge and understanding.

[@DonTwanX]

We need to make a bigger group. So many people would benefit from this knowledge. I want to shout it from the roof tops! But not surprisingly people don’t want to hear it. They want to pretend everything is okay and normal. Ha!

[@vivalila4862]

Lol, my life as a kid without a father and a poor naive mother. People men and women abused me cause they knew nobody could hold them accountable. Needless to say all the effects of these complex trauma are manifesting in my relationships. I’m proud of the healing and reparenting i’ve done so far but still a long way to go.

[@eliastillery8137]

Thank u for sharing. I can relate. Grew up w single mom and got pretty picked on ! Seemed like I was always being manipulated by some evil intention person seems I was at the expense of many so called friends.. now very hard to trust people .. but I’m praying to find trustworthy people and trying to have enough self care to save myself from situations when there arise without being over triggered.. challenging!

[@bearifiablepau2095]

I teared up when the explanation of trauma responses came up. I had an incredibly bad breakup at the age of 19 that brought up things (trauma) I did not know was there. I handled it probably in the worst way, but while listening to this talk a memory came back to me of a desperation to be saved by this person that was abandoning me (well, the relationship) and the anger he showed (no compassion whatsoever) at my reaction. It was a reaction like what Mr F describes at 6:35. The sorrow and shame that came afterwards is like nothing I'd lived before (nor after, fortunately) , but it has taken so many years to heal from the feeling of humiliation and it is still a memory that comes up vividly. This description helps me puzzle the pieces together of what was going on with me and allows me to extend some much needed compassion to my young self, now that I'm in my mid 30's. Thank you Mr. Fletcher. 🌷

[@Thatsbannanas-d8c]

Thank you.

[@Hawaiiansky11]

You have described me to a letter. I suffered not only from the trauma, but from exploiters who took advantage of my 'playing dead' survival tactic, and again from being shamed for it.

[@taylorplayer50]

Amazing advice on how to re-parent through hurt, thank you.

[@JMSsssssss]

I was disappointed that you didn't talk about the fight response and avoidant attachment. I have some pretty intense anger issues that I'm sure are triggered in the same way they were triggered in childhood. I didn't become a people pleaser, I learned to fight back. I'm still fighting back 50 years later.

[@jolaola1987]

Tim has a video about the types of anger specifically .

[@Hawaiiansky11]

The one I loved and relied on, IMO had Avoidant Personality Disorder and quite possibly Paranoid Personality Disorder. He blamed me, but being a people pleasing codependent, I ignored his anger and threats. He was easily manipulated by my malignant sociopathic monster of mother, so grew to distrust me, as he had when he and I first met. And she lied so much to me about him, that I ended up distrusting him, too. I actually loved him for his anger. It was honest, instead of the mind fuckery of someone pretending to not be angry with you while secretly seething and plotting. I'd rather someone just have it out with me so we could work it out than play mind games with me. I used to think he was the 'sicker' one, but I've since learned that we were both really sick. While I wonder if our love would have healed one another, it's another possibility that we would have gotten sicker had we stayed together as we planned.

[@temmellese6730]

Thanks for putting a finger and a light on the darkness that is hurt, abuse and trauma. I unfortunately relate to every word said on this video message and wonder how in the world I can get over so much complex and covert trauma and abuse. Your videos are very helpful and I hope that they are a start of a journey to heal. God bless you.

[@Hawaiiansky11]

It might sound harsh, but it's not meant to be. I find myself disappointed when I find out that a friend who I thought had similar experiences to my own, speaks of their childhood completely differently than I had expected. It's not because "misery loves company" but because I look at their lives - good jobs, happy marriage, strong friendships, and thought, "If they can do it, so can I." But then learning that their trauma was a one-time event or from a younger sibling as opposed to a parent, I begin to think of myself as 'marked' and incapable of having what I truly want out of life.

[@FreyaRagnild]

Wow! This one hit me! God bless you Tim Fletcher, you've opened my eyes to so much & have already brought so much healing to my life! ❤😭 I've been in therapy since I was 8. NONE of it has been as helpful as your material & talks. I was feeling so broken on so many levels, but you've given me hope for the 1st time in a VERY long time. Bless you a thousand fold!

[@ChrisMarrin]

Wow, that Collapse Submit part is scarily familiar. To just freeze and robotically agree while being abused or taken advantage of (especially in work environments). I had no idea that was a trauma respons (although it's very logical). Thanks for explaining this.

[@dianeorr8937]

Reminds me of the movie "What about Bob". Lol

[@heavenlysemt]

Thank you! Blessings to you for blessing me so much! God be with you

[@MsGabiele]

So important to know this!❤

[@Star-dj1kw]

❤ great video

[@jenniferstanley2282]

This is exactly what I needed to listen to today.

[@dr_bullseye]

This is GOLD

[@exuberanttarot]

Thanks 😊 🫂 🙏

[@fairygurl9269]

*Respect

[@alexandrugheorghe5610]

19:25 sums up my state pretty well.

[@ca5417]

The info about self-commitment got to the root of something I had never considered before, wow thanks!

[@tuckandsandy]

I wish you'd use another word than "these people." I already feel like an outsider that's not worth much. Nevertheless, thank you for your videos. I'm sure that my reaction is coming out of self-centered pain andI'm hoping to God that I'm growing out of it in part due to your research and wisdom. Thank you

[@tearthangel373]

Thank you, Tim. This resonates with me.

[@thebluebutterfly5177]

As with all your videos Tim, thank you! I wonder that these exact specifics but we can potentially fit in all 3, I see myself in 2 of them, the first and the last. And again can we heal from these? The father of my children I can see a lot of the 2nd and 3rd in him but he doesn’t literally collapse although he can come get home from work and collapse, got to sleep regularly (we don’t live together, he is living in a house with a woman he betrayed me with and their child). He absolutely isn’t now capable of relationships or intimacy. But I just wonder, can that be healed and rectified?

[@faye123__]

thank you so much for doing this

[@ChrisOgunlowo]

Thank you 🙏🏽

[@savparker9743]

? ?Ř????ϻ

[@moonshineonme75013]

21:05-

[@moonshineonme75013]

29:29

[@moonshineonme75013]

14:52

[@moonshineonme75013]

Dynorphins

[@moonshineonme75013]

14:56

[@jenskruse1475]

Thanks for warning against the christian part. The rest I learn a lot from.

[@caroleminke6116]

So scary to see my past laid bare ❤️‍🩹 a malignant narcissist for a father & a covert vulnerable mother made me freeze or fawn to survive ❤️‍🩹 unable to protect myself from abuse as well as a target for narcissistic people at work or in a relationship caused me to isolate & dissociate all my life