Realistic Recovery - Part 1/13 - Seven Levels of Change

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🎓 COMPASS Facilitator & Coach Training is offered to LIFT Online Learning graduates who would like to facilitate our programs or further their education as Complex Trauma coaches. Our coaches and facilitators help those living with addictions, process their trauma and assist them in developing techniques that lead to better decision-making and healthier lives. Learn more here: www.timfletcher.ca/teach
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🎓 Workshops are being made available where you, a group or organization can attend to learn about Complex Trauma. Workshops are specific to Complex Trauma and vocation themes, and offer detailed information about how Complex Trauma creates dysfunction and offers tools for healing.
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[@j.d.buchanan4897]

This speaks to me so much. I quit drinking and drugs about 20 years ago, cut off all my old friends, but then got into an abusive relationship with a narcissist who is now my ex-wife. I quit the sauce but I never got better, just ended up being traumatized more. Now recognizing that I have CPTSD, I realize that's truly what I have to recover from. Recovery is hard but these videos have been invaluable. Keep up the good work, Tim!

[@maritrnning5357]

You have already come a long way!! May God bless you, and the Love of Jesus give you peace and joy :)

[@punyashloka4946]

All the best on your healing , hope you have a better life 👍.

[@oliviaperryman8622]

Be proud of your awareness brother. Hugs in Christ.

[@azaleaslightsage1271]

Hearing you feeling you sending much loving healing supportive Energy your way ❤

[@azaleaslightsage1271]

Ps I did the same was all good until I met married a Narcissist, whom I now see represented EVERY Abuse/abuser rolled into ONE Person, I learnt so much about myself in that relationship Healed myself while still in it, I was extremely lucky 'something' inside of me WOKE UP started guiding me through the healing process, had no outside support or teachings it all come from Within my own self, that's when I also TRULY UNDERSTOOD what who 'God/Jesus truly was/is ❤️

[@jackierios2723]

Tim is my complex trauma healing cheerleader 😊

[@fennellturtle]

I'm in recovery just over 5 years... I wished I had found this then. Everything that is said has been my experience, recovery has been very very tough, and it still is. My expectations were unrealistic, it has been incredibly lonely and tough, god has been my best and only friend through the whole process. The pain of new awareness is undescribable, the realization of the brokenness inside is something that cannot be described. Its a process of letting everything go and trusting in something bigger than me

[@heatherpratt1551]

I HAVE NEVER FELT SO VALIDATED IN MY LIFE!!

[@bromaculast.v3988]

48 days clean!! Y’all got this. This disease is taking too many of us

[@krzysztofcukier4565]

Wish you all the best!!

[@lesliemontagne6797]

Touché Tim. After six months of sobriety my daughter kept asking me if something “was wrong”. Obviously the change in me was dramatic enough for her to see.

[@TheCHRISTINAELAM]

It would be a blessing to see one of these addressing porn and sec addiction. So many men and our youth are struggling with this addiction.

[@kimberlykay130]

Yes, I want to see that one too. My ex husband had a porn addiction

[@leonardgrant6876]

Cutting toxic people is very difficult, but I have done it but it took me 3 years to forget about my old friends. Learning how to make new friendships or intimate relationships is a lot harder and it takes a lot of time and effort.

[@iw9338]

Gates, not walls. So some people are permitted on my sidewalk, other in my front porch and only a select few may enter my home. Thanks for all the help. Blessings to You and your family

[@ezrarhett285]

Dunno if you guys gives a damn but if you guys are stoned like me during the covid times you can watch pretty much all the new movies and series on instaflixxer. Been streaming with my brother for the last days :)

[@jermainereece1881]

@Ezra Rhett yup, have been using instaflixxer for since december myself :D

[@dianeorr8937]

I've recently started Boundaries similar to this. So far its a Healing CHANGE. Blessed!!!!

[@jak9934]

Can be very hard to discern and get right who goes where though.

[@davidnorman2134]

this dude step by step really vocalizes my inner world, thanks for this. Isolation at age 8 years old was the only situation that equaled safety, I literally spent years, day after day, when mom would go into one of her bi polar rants, I removed myself from the situation and literally hid inside the old dog house until she went to sleep and even that wasn't enough, sometimes at 3 am in the morning she'd come into my room and stand at the foot of my bed in the dark, why she didn't murder me then I dont kno, but it doesn't matter I guess. I prayed when I was 8 years old that God would take me back to heaven to get me the hel out of this screwed up world, there's nothing here but pain anger its nasty. I honestly dont know why God put me here in the first place.

[@amundesign]

I am so sorry what you have been through. You were meant to be in this world and you can still recover. Never give up hope. I wish you the best❤

[@punyashloka4946]

I am sorry 😞 this happens to you, its a loss of childhood. I Hope you find your inner peace and heal your pain.

[@jackierios2723]

I am so sorry I did isolating too but got found by my abusive sister

[@mknels1299]

Ditto,same dog house,same mother

[@jackierios2723]

I have worked CNA hospice and 80% ask for one more something , day , moment, cigarette even .. they all want one more .. I am 48 and God is just now calling me to Chaplin part of hospice … I have literally gone from witchcraft to the holy spirit in a matter of a week.. find your one more something and you may not know why you r here but keep yourself healthy cuz when he calls … oh it’s instant he CALLS.. I want you to know you R special .. you believe that and you’ll enjoy the ride before tha call many blessings ❤️✝️🙏🏻

[@iw9338]

When I started to believe what God says about me I started to see a different me. Healthy,lovable, accepted, regardless of what siblings say or do.

[@turquoisoul]

I do belive this with my whole heart. This journey is just beginning for me. I'm being tossed between massive discouragment and having hope to recover on a daily basis. Looking at the sheer amount of stuff i need to deal with if ever gonna be able to have healthy relationships. This frightens me a lot.

[@brianthompson2058]

Me too. My pastor focuses so much on salvation and eternal life, but I told him the truth of my conversion to Christianity was I wanted to be loved by somebody. Accepted as I am. I'm a Christian because Jesus loves me.

[@DeeDeeOrr]

Your series on Complex Trauma is life changing!

[@theoracle5265]

Man Tim your correlation to rebuilding the walls in Jerusalem to rebuilding our lives wow! Thank You Love you Brother!

[@ramonlong5463]

This dude is incredible

[@nadinerhodda503]

I don't have addictions although I have CPTSD. So I have to just pick out what is meaningful for me.

[@AClay-mv2xh]

Addictions can be food, shopping, work, sex, porn, etc. It's not just drugs, alcohol, or cigarettes.

[@kellysreads6457]

@@AClay-mv2xhrelationships can be addictions too. Especially when it’s to a disordered individual that mirrors one of our disordered parents. At least this is what my therapist told me.

[@mavicityrelayson2924]

You, sir, are a rockstar.

[@shereeherring874]

Catch it, check it change it. The biggest change

[@sumerrose88]

Thank you from the bottom of my heart Tim. I've been watching self help videos for the past few years since I getting my ADHD diagnosis at 60 years old. For the past week I have a very difficult time and my suicide ideation that I'd had before returned with a vengeance. Although I do not consider my addiction to be alcohol, but do drink, I have a relationship addiction. The complex trauma I had as a child in a severely emotional home where my father drank to excess every evening, was overwhelming after the ex left after I discovered his multiple affairs. We were married for 25 years, and I loved and respected him as I had believed him to be everything my father was not. That was 16 years ago, and that trauma overtook my life. Today I live 3000 miles from where we had our home, away from life long friends, and family of origin. My two adult children are 1600 miles away. Today I have no relationship with anyone I had known, including my children. I have been on my recovery journey since I ended a very toxic codependent romantic relationship three years ago. This talk helped me more than words can say. God bless you Tim.

[@CMoore8539]

sumerrose88 You Are Not alone. Keep going. Expect a Miracle!♥️ Look for Good and you Will Find It!!!♥️

[@cowboyjohnsontown]

Sending love and strength. 💪

[@punyashloka4946]

You had a very painful life, sorry to hear that 😞. All the best for your healing.

[@mattseremet2202]

Needed this. Thank you, Tim.

[@CMoore8539]

He is a Very Knowledgable, Experienced Man! Genius!!!♥️

[@obinnaezebuiroh7911]

God bless you, Tim! 🤲🏽

[@Chris-yf2zs]

5:10 relapse is a process as well as an event, 10:25 unrealistic expectations about life, recovery, others to treat us perfectly and set yourself up to be mad and feel sorry for self all the time, 11:30 nostalgia 12:30 unrealistic expctations about present life 14:29 people who will keep us sick

[@gerhardhaberstroh4892]

I'm back with day 5. I'm glad that a caring friend in recovery sent me this link it's reinforcing alot of things that I have already seen in myself and others. A happy life is possible for you and me.

[@HappyCat1111]

Left the bad marriage and the bad workplace. Starting over completely at 50 and it’s so scary. Does it get better ever?

[@johnankrah299]

Well done!

[@MrBrunoUSA]

I had to cut my father out of my life a little over 25 years ago. I pray that God would heal whatever warped him into the sullen, abusive and aggressive father and manager he became, but there can be no contact between him and me.

[@bemindfulmuslimah]

3:00 abt relapse, i often have when dealing w narc mom. My body will ache. I'm 45yo, breast ca survivor. Thank you so much for your advice. I did feel like a failure as if my healing journey brought me nothing. In reality, I did gain new skills, even if the relapse makes me feel differently.

[@punyashloka4946]

Narcissism is the worst kind of abuse , so I can understand your struggle. Don't loose hope , stay strong.

[@jmatoske]

Great talk Tim. However I am disappointed you breezed right over dating and sexuality. You mentioned it and then moved on quickly. I think it’s important to recommend that in the first couple years of recovery a person is not equipped to make a healthy choice in a romantic partner. Abstinence from sex and dating will help a person stay on track in recovery. I have seen many people get romantically involved too soon when they were emotionally vulnerable and didn’t know how to have a healthy relationship. Many of them left their recovery programs and their partner became their addiction. They thought love would heal them. The only love that heals us is love for self and a loving relationship with higher power.

[@nryane]

You are absolutely correct in stating that we must love ourselves before we can be capable of loving another human being. As I heal from my childhood trauma and two major relationships, the last one being the worst (almost 30 years), I realize that I wanted “Dad’s love” and neither partner was capable of loving themselves, much less me. The converse was also true - I didn’t love me, so could not love them. The latest ex uses the anonymous groups to scoop up new “supply” to love and adore him and do whatever he wants, for a time. Unfortunately, those women are totally vulnerable to his charms and his money, so they get sucked in. It’s when they’re IN the relationship, that the “charm” mask drops and he shows his angry, miserable “victim” self. If he’s lucky, they’ll stick around for a while. If not, he’ll continue to troll the various groups to find someone new. The groups I’ve been in mentioned that being in relationship is not a good idea for attendees until they are well on their way to healing - at least a year or two. However, many of us (I included) considered that being “on the way” to healing was enough! Blessings!

[@kellysreads6457]

Yes! Absolutely this 👆I was one of those individuals who thought I had recovered. However, I ended up in an extremely toxic relationship, again. I saw the signs, broke up with him and I began a whole new healing journey. I’ve now been in the healthiest relationship I’ve ever been in! Initially it was so hard because I despised affection and my bf is very affectionate and compassionate, totally opposite of the men in my family but that’s how I know I’m on the right track. He doesn’t mirror my disordered parents like all of my exes in the past did.

[@mariamkinen8036]

I am definitely firm n fully grounded as for who I am in my present self. No need to rewire or change one inch from whom I am. Never in a lifetime. Bad ppl are. Bad ppl. Come in various forms n types. Types n forms , better.

[@lisaj5769]

yep, tyou truly have to question and examine and change everything from the core, the roots

[@Crazydoglady.]

EXCELLENT!!! 💕

[@lizyeffa7185]

Thank you for the heads up.

[@C-Span222]

Thanks again!😊

[@CJ-pd4tc]

Thank you so much

[@rickprogl8086]

Culture shock. Then there's the fears, lies, prejudices goals and whatever of the new imperfect people you associate with that can drive you if you let it back into trying to escape through addictions. Someone said they imagined that the "Good" people hate them for doing bad, and the "Wicked" people hate them for doing good. It's a struggle, a war within and without. Even the people who seem ok are struggling also. What kind of a healthy friend am I? Can I become a healthy influence, not the judge jury and controller of others, but a healthier person and influence. Now who or what am I. They spent their time being responsible now I'm embarrassed in front of my new peers, because I spent my time wasting myself. In in the end we all die like king Solomon who ended up an apostate basket case. He just couldn't get satisfaction, he was a billionaire genius , King who fell into false worship and idolatry . He disregarded God's direction to have just one wife, and collected at least a thousand or more woman, many who didn't have the same beliefs as him ,he tried to make them happy, but cut his own throat. Get over blaming it on God,.... but face it if you have blamed it on God, ...and trust that God can deal with it, ....that is your blaming Him.....and He will ease you into the reality of life with other imperfect dying people, who choose not to blame " it " on God but choose to be on His side in the issue of good verses evil, live or die. God's right, the Angel who chose to be His enemy is wrong , that Angel is called Satan the Devil. The devil had billions of years of life he turned against God. There are other angels who sided with him, they are demons, yet at the same time there are more angles who remain on God's side even though they have been subject to Him for billions of years. In contrast humans live a short life pretty much knowing their going to die and even though they never saw God, believe in Him, hope in Him, learn about Him, come to trust and love Him and live for Him. Why couldn't the Angels who turned away from God do that . Many humans have stayed loyal to God till death and died with the hope of living again in a world free from evil trauma, and many of those people turned from a life filled with addiction, picked up the pieces if there were any pieces, or got some pieces from God and people who love Him and found something to live for. You can too is what I choose to tell myself. And that's my story and I'm sticking with it. O yea God has a formal name. How can you know someone without knowing their name. Look it up, it beats looking for drugs or alcohol or porn or whatever. Search for God. Why not?

[@truthministry7462]

Powerful

[@lisaj5769]

agree 1000%

[@Spirituallove2000AD]

I waited 9 months then I found the house of my dreams far away by a childhood friend I move in 2 weeks I can hardly contain myself and the pain of waiting and still being here is something I tolerate by exercising hard depth soothing and mindfulness.

[@christyjones3590]

Nice ty

[@elliemathews6884]

Well is there anything positive to listen to an IV of these videos because I've listened to like 20 of them and I'm more depressed now than I was before I started a more discouraged now that I ever was. I just need the steps on how to get better from complex trauma I don't need to know what it is and all the obstacles that I have to face

[@brianthompson2058]

I started feeling the same way. I learned about all the ways I was broken, and it just left me feeling defeated and miserable. But that's part of the process. Grieving for all the things your caregivers broke inside you. Cry, get angry, and feel awful. And once you can grieve that loss, you can start healing. At least that's how I understand it. I'm just starting too.

[@bonnieyuse5876]

I love Pity Pot Parties...thats my Problem! 😂

[@OliveWeitzel]

YEAH, I know 8-tracks! I had an eight-track-,player in my car and lidtened to "Supertramp"!

[@sonsofscotland-9272]

this guy seems very legit...so hoping he’s the real deal

[@acjom101]

He is 😊

[@rabbitcreative]

20:25 That's harsh. And I think it's 'true'. Korzybski said prevention is better than cure. Sigh.

[@yourenough3]

Im in isolation mode. Not good!

[@CMoore8539]

LIFEISAJOURNEY LETITGO I was doing the same thing. Today I broke out of my Isolation, and It’s Beautiful!!! Sometimes we just have to force ourselves out. Give it a try and let me know how it works for you.♥️

[@TheDesignCreative]

me too

[@yourenough3]

@@CMoore8539 yes. I pushed myself to get out and be around people. Wishing you well!!!

[@CMoore8539]

LIFEISAJOURNEY LETITGO Same here. We have to. Isolating is extremely negative for Recovery. I’m happy that you got through it too. We Must keep on.😊♥️

[@yourenough3]

@@CMoore8539 ❤✌

[@julianal.573]

👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼💐

[@rabbitcreative]

20:40 _Technically_ there is a 3rd option...

[@Gloriakellock]

Where can I find counseling? The link shared is broken.

[@TimFletcher]

www.timfletcher.ca

[@jonnymcjones1826]

I'm not sure about "you have to replace *everything* in your life around you" tbh...

[@vc2219]

Fact is … full, long lasting addiction recovery is very low. Some even trade illicit narcotics for “legal” ones and claim they are recovered. Dated a female that thinks she is recovered … but has just traded illegal drugs for legally obtainable ones. That’s not addiction recovery. Not in the least. God help her.

[@donfs1832]

Is this teaching going on in a church?

[@TheDesignCreative]

yes

[@Raminakai]

Yes, thank- God ! I started going to church when I was 21. It was an incredibly unsafe place to be. I began to see that so many were manipulators and needed healing on many levels. I started by going to recovery as I soon realized I too had many of the issues I was seeing in others. Mentally unhealthy people can not shine the Light of Christ to others. We have to start with us. 🙌💥

[@kaelan4509]

[@motiveperson143]

It is not easy but been in hell is worse

[@MasterNinjaXz]

Staying sober? How tf does that help with codependency/CPTSD and all the other shit? This ain’t AA

[@janethomas78]

HA HA!! THANKS! RECOVERY?? Seriously? I never was a drug or a drug addict. My Mom was Mentally Ill and my family was taught to treat me like I was the problem, by HER! OK! Recovery from the source which has turned into Family Mobbing, robbing and beating me up! THAT is what recovery for me the CPTSD has been. THEY WISH I WAS DEAD!

[@janegreen5301]

I am happy for you that you found Beyond Scapegoating Abuse with Rebecca Mandeville. 😊

[@HelenDriggers-lm2cj]

My deseased grandfather McKenzie was army and ministry of God christ and ans my uncle lenair died was navy and ministry of God christ and schizophrenic and my grandfather McKenzie was army and ministry of God christ and my uncle Charles McKenzie was army and and uncle samuel McKenzie was navy uncle lenair died was navy and ministry of God christ and schizophrenic I have prophet es my jounel entry HELEN Marlene Evans DRIGGERS prophetess and Ellen Darlene Evans prophet es my jounel entry

[@caro1606]

Free Palestine 🥰