REACTING TO MY EPISODE VIDEO 3 YEARS LATER!!!

Welcome back to another video! In this video I react to my most popular video of me having a psychotic episode 3 years ago..i cringed the whole time 😂
ENJOY
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[@chrissyp111]

You’re so hard on yourself reacting. You in the middle of an episode hun. This helped so many people because it was authentic. I remember that video thank you for sharing that mental health isn’t real, and a lot of us suffer. No stigma. You’re great! Thx!

[@JC-vz9hz]

I agree, I remember watching and it is very raw and educational. It helped me understand what someone with schizophrenia goes through.

[@Yungchris760]

I just got let off a 51/50 hold, i was in a VA psych ward with a few schizophrenic vets.. its so sad that even the nurses just look at them funny and crazy and just let them wander the floors. This video opened my eyes forreal. I appreciate this kid so much for being real about it. This needs to be taught & cared about way more...

[@skymush9848]

lol you just said mental health isnt real

[@Cymanytb]

you need to edit that, mental health is real

[@CrustyUgg]

How do you know the video helped so many people? Lmao! Did you speak to all of the ppl it “helped”..? Stfu

[@Galaxie500IN]

It was probably not fun to look back at this for you, but that video helped me understand the condition more than anything I had ever seen before. And I think you’re awesome for posting it in the first place. Thanks for being you, and for being a positive influence in this world. Peace!

[@heidevanness2788]

You are loved more than you know!!!❤️

[@raysilverio8723]

I don't know why, but I feel so happy just for the fact you look alot better

[@figgynewton939]

He seems way happier in this one💯🤘🏻🖤

[@ElusvOptmst1]

Stop criticizing your first video. it was a brave thing you did. Peace to you.

[@Jetsonn]

I agree that it was extremely brave of him to post the initial video. There’s nothing wrong with wishing you acted differently in a previous video? Is that not kind of the point of reacting to an old video of yourself? I don’t think I’ve ever known anyone that would watch a video of themselves from years prior very fondly. The way I see it that’s kinda the point of a reaction video is not so much to demean yourself but like make light of it and maybe laugh or cringe at how dumb or different you acted cuz that’s just how it is when you’re young. On the other side of it, you’re never gonna see someone “reacting” to an older video of themself, schizo or not, and them just loving every second of it and just thinking they were the shit, they would get laughed right off the internet. I totally get it the way he reacted, just a few nights ago I watched a 6 year old video I was in on KZbin that a friend made and I could not stand the way I acted, sounded, talked n allat.

[@Sn0Le0prd]

Also don’t beat yourself up . At least you were being real, you don’t see that much anymore

[@Vekhh]

Yeah, he was prepared for criticism and to have that less he hated himself a bit in this vid. I really back you up in this comment, he should've done that.

[@IAmWhyWeCantHaveNiceThings]

I know you may feel really self-conscious or embarrassed, knowing that you put such a vulnerable experience out there in public, but you really have helped a LOT of people. I stumbled across the original video a few months ago, and was pleasantly surprised to see this update. I have Bipolar disorder, and during my mixed-manic episodes I experienced psychosis- I didn’t have auditory or visual hallucinations, but I did have delusions. I heard “my” voice inside my head, telling me to do horrible things. The second time that happened, I was able to talk myself into calling a local mental health clinic. I got my bipolar diagnosis and have been taking meds (including the antipsychotic Seroquel) every day since then- for 14 years. During my pre-diagnosis episodes, I wrote a lot. Whenever I go back and read those paranoid, rambling Livejournal posts & illogical notebook scribbles, I feel SO embarrassed by how “crazy” it made me seem. You are SO BRAVE to put your experiences out there for the world to see. Your original video reminded me of how I had felt during my psychotic episodes, and I am very, very grateful for that. It’s affirming and validating. There are a lot of us out there, and sharing our experiences makes others realize they’re not the only ones. And by posting your reaction video, you’re also showing the world something vastly important- we can be functional, healthy members of society. Maybe we need meds to keep the episodes at bay, but other than that, we’re relatively “normal” people. Thanks for sharing your story with all of us. Even if it’s hard for you to watch, that video (and your more recent ones) has really helped SO many people.

[@BobGymlan]

Don’t look back man, there’s nothing to find there anyway.

[@Attilat]

The Past: Our cradle, not our prison; there is danger as well as appeal in its glamour. The past is for inspiration, not imitation, for continuation, not repetition.

[@sv4647]

I find your comments where I am least expecting.

[@figgynewton939]

💯🤘🏻🖤☠️

[@RandomSwiftie13]

Nah it can be very good to look back and realise just how far you have come.

[@neoqueto]

**shoots a laser into his eye** "I'm trying to make light of the situation" Task failed successfully.

[@Nick-fj7hv]

Hey, I hope you see this. I have bipolar disorder without psychotic features and I've actually been watching you since before I was even diagnosed. You seem like such a cool guy and I respect you for being so open about your schizophrenia because it's so personal. Thank you for being you!

[@MJ95630]

Word. I hope you're doing well!!?

[@Nick-fj7hv]

@@MJ95630 yeah I'm alright. My semester ends in two weeks so I'm kinda concerned about my grades just cause I want all A's or else I'll feel bad about myself lol. It was difficult throughout quarantine to start college and with a disorder. I'm taking the meds tho and I'm in therapy. What's up with you 🤙🏻

[@berlynwall1956]

@@Nick-fj7hv what meds you take? I have bipolar and borderline personality disorder and its....hell

[@Nick-fj7hv]

@@berlynwall1956 I 100000% recommended asking your doctor about LAMICTAL. Please trust me and I hope that goes well 💚

[@captain..u]

Where did you even confirm your illnesses?

[@saulramone]

Yeah mate, don't act like you're so wrong. I see a young lad with a lot of courage and honesty. You should respect that

[@ilivill]

I CANT BELIEVE IT TOOK 2 MONTHS FOR THAT LAZER POINTER TO ARRIVE

[@tracys_got_powers9366]

It’s Wish anything under 4 months is impressive with them.

[@angelmclemore1785]

Wish is so ass. They delivered my stuff to an abandoned building and someone stole it

[@kerrieleidig]

That's standard delivery time for Wish. 😆

[@livelongandprosper70]

Its LASER ..not lazer

[@livelongandprosper70]

Its an acronym... light amplification by stimulated emission of radiation

[@herenow4550]

No wonder we're so hard on each other. Look how hard we are on ourselves even knowing how difficult we've had it. Knowing what no one else could possibly know about ourselves. This is very interesting. Just observing. Thanks for sharing. Glad to see it seems you're doing better.

[@brandonburns9092]

I see no cringe here bruddah. Your strong and inspiring, keep it up.

[@najeraedgar7060]

Dude, I’m so happy to see you healthy and that this mental illness has not completely taken over your life. My brother has Schizophrenia and I love him to death. It can be very hard to see him going through an episode. Your videos help me cope with the trauma. Again, I’m happy to see that you are safe and smiling! Best swishes, god bless you! 🙂

[@TodayFreedom]

Wishing you all the best and hoping you’ve found your way through the roughest patches. God bless, and good luck in all you do.

[@MJ95630]

You're not cringe!! It was that video that got me to sub. You're a doll. So sweet. Very sad anybody has to deal with this stuff. I hope thing's are better. I only just subbed & clicked on your channel in hopes of finding an update.

[@ShyzeaTV]

I just watched the original video and started feeling sad, so I decided to see if you made any more videos. Just to find this video, it starting off with you smiling and my heart really just jumped for joy.

[@meganzambo2403]

The video he is reacting to came up on my recommendation. I had to see if he had any recent video, I was happy to see he does. And happier to see a smile on his face in it. The video he is reacting to is so educational and eye opening, proud of him recording and sharing it. People need to learn more about things like this. Very brave.

[@presidentrumi]

I'm so glad you're alive and well! i remember watching this and thinking originally how fascinating yet frustrating it was for you to experience such an episode and reliving the behaviors that constitute schizophrenia. Your video is not only educational (at least for me as a medical student), but it creates a conversation about legitimate mental health queries for people that don't struggle the way you do, and create a lens for them to view your experiences. That's the beauty of you and KZbin! Stay healthy and happy.

[@natalies377]

It's not cringe, you're so brave! You also seem to be a very sweet guy (:

[@juliaanikowski142]

Man you are so soooo intelligent. I’m so happy to see you doing well. You look great!! I have ptsd from childhood abuse. So to an extent I understand. You’ve inspired me to record myself when I have an episode. I’ve been in therapy since I was 10, I’m 40 now. I’m so curious to see myself when I’m lost. I’d also like to see myself in a flashback. I love the way you carry yourself. Strength. You’re amazing 💪❤️🥰🙌🏻 Thank you 🙏

[@Costaricanbooty]

I randomly saw the original video for the first time and you just happened to upload an update on the same day lol crazy

[@liveforever3177]

Thats a Massage

[@demodragon6426]

@@liveforever3177 Was the massage good?

[@melaniefoust7068]

You are so brave. Focus on how far you’ve come, not where you were. Progress, not perfection. You amaze me with your strength & courage. Be as kind to yourself as you would another person going through this, you are so strong. It is absolutely inspiring. See that.

[@joserivera7540]

You the best Man! I remember seeing that video and realizing how poor my undestanding of this conditon was, and realizing , oh he is just a normal person with situation but he is just normal, you change the mind of so many people, so thanks for helping me with my ignorance . Kind regards from Honduras central America! Big fan an looking to go to the discord and play with you dude.

[@bringhomethebasil8729]

I literally just watched the video from 3 years ago and subscribed after that video !! I can’t even imagine what that would be like to have all kinds of intrusive thoughts- but I hope scientists can discover the cause and cure !

[@shriyas.7050]

So glad to see how youre doing better now, wish you all the best. But please don't be so critical towards yourself, you went through so much. You chose to record yourself, published it on this platform and touched so many people. Thank you for sharing this experience you are so strong.

[@motherjupiter9397]

I got the amazing opportunity to see type O negative and spend some time with peter shortly before he passed and it was amazing

[@BloodyMunchkin]

Haha you put this out just as I finished watching that video for the first time. Hope you're getting better!

[@Hector-bf3hk]

That is one of the most powerful reactions to a video i have ever seen, you could only imagine how many people you have helped around the world. You’re a beautiful person INSIDE AND OUT!!

[@devinfreeman-robinson7172]

Not sure if you know this, but a symptom of psychosis is tangential speech, so that's probably why you went off track and started talking abt things like the lazer pointer.

[@cocoq10]

It didn't seem very tangential, especially since the laser pointer was just sitting in front of him, I was under the impression he was just trying to distract his thoughts.

[@devinfreeman-robinson7172]

@@cocoq10 it's a bit more aparrent at 7:55 but it's not a textbook example or anything. I've noticed it in some of his other videos as well.

[@Melissa-xy6bm]

Honestly your video made me sooo much less afraid of schizophrenia. I have OCD and I've always been terrified of being "crazy" and hearing things but you made it seem really understandable and I feel like I understand it a lot better. You are awesome!!!!!

[@Manualtransmissions]

The silence is the actual expression. The tension of the silence and the anticipation of the next thing is what made your video great. Don't be hard on yourself. You could explain more about the lasting effects, and maybe elaborate more on what you remember

[@ricardab4855]

I totally agree. 👍

[@mitzinicoleritter211]

You have just the best personality! I can't imagine dealing with everything that you go through. ❤🙏

[@Liliarthan]

Hello.. Just came across your channel and your initial episode video. Glad to see you have posted again recently. You look a lot more sure of and at peace with yourself than you did 3 years ago. I imagine watching the original video would have been uncomfortable and confronting. Thank you for sharing this with us and being so raw. I honestly hope that you are doing better and have more good days than bad. 🌱

[@l1l1th3]

I'm only a few minutes into the video but I had to say I came here to see how others deal with their schizophrenia as I'm still learning to cope with mine even though it's been prevalent since I can first remember but knowing there's a KZbinr out there who goes through similar things as I and also shares the same favorite band really helps in a way some can't understand since music is my main coping mechanism if that makes sense. I love your videos please keep up with the great work❤️

[@Frau.Kanzlerin]

I'm grateful that you uploaded your episode. It made schizophrenia seem a lot more human to me (not that I didn't think it was human before, I had just never seen nonfiction depictions of it). I'm sad that you feel cringey watching it, but I hope you'll feel comfort in knowing that regardless of what I'm filming, I always cringe when I look back on it! I record myself playing and singing the piano and I feel physical pain when I try to listen to it. You are not alone in that and you shouldn't feel embarrassed. I know there's probably nothing I can say to make you feel better about it because no one ever helps me feel better about my own videos, but it honestly was waaay more tame than I expected for a serious episode like this. You're so very coherent! You should be so proud of your strength and perseverance! It also is helping me right now because I have felt subhuman with my own mental illnesses this week and it reminds me that we all have our battles. You're an inspiration, you son of a gun. ❤️

[@shawnpeacock1037]

You are not only brave but your video was revolutionary and helped a lot of people. You deserve to be very proud of that. Keep on keeping on fella.

[@missmariah9196]

thank u for being so real, this video really helped me become more educated and understanding so many years ago. im very glad that u are still posting, its great to keep up with u!

[@Sn0Le0prd]

Thanks for being brave and looking back at that video. I’m sure it wasn’t easy. I hope you feel as great as you look! :)

[@clemm1248]

Dang dude you have come a long way since then. Praying for the best. Love to see you haven’t lost your strive to look at the bright side of things. You’re an inspiration to me.

[@knutlondon8243]

As somebody not able to imagine what schizophrenia is, it was the best video to "understand" what actually happens. Considering all previous videos I had seen of people having this issue i never hat seen somebody to kind of document and detach from it in real time. It looks like a superpower of yours, so you should not feel weird about it. Its actually brilliant. Greetings from Frankfurt, Germany!

[@sth7283]

You were and you are such a strong and brave man. I am sure this video helped many people. I am happy to see you doing good now. Gold bless you.

[@Hey_Jamie]

Look at you!! I was randomly recommended the original video again, after being recommended it a year ago and watching and commenting on it. I’m so glad to see you so peppy and seemingly doing really well. My heart 💜

[@quaideswink3497]

It's been so nice to see you grow over the years. Thanks for being an awesome friend.

[@lee-ann1589]

Love yourself. You are so awesome. I loved the video and you were so honest and real. It moved me and informed me. I am grateful to have seen it.

[@gailgray6653]

Youve grown up alot since then. Good to see your posting, i think your a great inspiration for others.

[@BamBabyBrenda]

Don't be harsh on yourself. It's a hard time, love every part, the good and bad. You've grown and it's so good to see.

[@lisasunde9608]

I'm glad you're doing better! Keep fighting! Thanks for sharing this

[@3krickett]

Your original video just came up in my feed 4 years later. So I clicked your name after watching to see if you were ok all these years later. You look well and healthy and Type O Negative is one of my top top bands too. I'm more partial to Green Man but I can litterally just put an album of theirs on repeat for days and keep going. It's so much better really loud. ❤

[@cz131]

You're looking amazing man!

[@grahamwatt6290]

G'day, from Australia. I've been exploring the depths of my own conditions ( chronic anxiety, panic attacks, clinical depression) and for no rhythm or rhyme your 'episode' video popped up in my YT feed. I'm thankful it did, not only because I got to learn so much today. But also because I got to witness a very brave, vulnerable young man sharing his experience. Don't cringe lad, be proud. I do have a question: In your experience. Are the voices always negative? Is there anything positive within? ps...glad you're doing well.

[@laurie9437]

Your being vulnerable enough to allow us to see a bit into your world and explaining what you were hearing and experiencing was so valuable! Stop being hard on yourself. The information you shared here is not anything you can read in a book or I've found anywhere else. My daughter has been silent since she was young and I had no idea of the struggles in her world even though I wanted so much to understand and help her. Please. Don't be embarrassed. You probably have no idea how many people you've helped. I'm so very glad you're doing so much better! Maybe focus on that, also, when you watch this video of yourself. Be kind to yourself.

[@Claire-be4gd]

I just randomly found your first video ...and looked for an update and found this video ..I'm so glad to see you looking much better..much love to you my friend 💕

[@shinyemperor2745]

I'm not the first to say but i just found out about you and i've been studying psyocholgy and all the different chemical imbalences that could happen to the human brain. I am pretty shocked that i didn't find your channel earlier. First of all i would like to say that i'm incredibly greatful of you to share your knowledge, experience, and feelings with us with so much precision and honesty. It is not easy for everyone living with a chemical imbalence to just communicate these feelings with such manner, It is why we should all thank you for putting yourself out there and educating us on life! much love brother i wish you the best, no matter what happens in life !!

[@audrey2564]

i have been searching for your channel for 3 years... you are the reason i listen to Enigma. In like 2018 i watched your most popular video and i couldn't find you since.

[@lonlypinky9563]

Your so strong. I have so much respect for you. Hope your doing good

[@williamholland922]

I was just recomended that video, glad I found your channel. Love you brother

[@seeexy]

Tbh, it was the most .. genuine/authentic video I've ever watched. (Or atleast i wish all the videos were like this type of..)

[@zeroverse4320]

Incredible strong to be able to experience that and logically still think and understand what's happening wow

[@nancyracies8824]

It's you being genuine about your illness and that is what we want to see. My son is close to your age and has schizophrenia so it's very helpful to see others dealing with similar issues. Your youthfulness adds to the sincerity of the vid. I know it's awkward for you but for the rest of us, it helps to understand. No one is judging you, other than to applaud you. It is incredibly powerful. Never take it down.

[@coldcentury]

your a brave soul and i have mad respect for you, i hope you have a wonderful day/night

[@mrdigitized]

No sonny you did good, its a good record, you raised awareness and its very helpful for people to understand and be more compassionate compared to previous years who considered schizophrenia as something bad you know, you seem a lot better I wish you all the best and keep up the good work to your chann3l

[@crystaltullis8499]

Omg yes I've listened to that song repeatedly lol. Just saw your other video tonight while I was researching and then checked out this video. It's good to see you are doing very healthy.

[@kerstin.jitschin5861]

I liked the old one very much, it’s perfekt to understanding what an episode is about , great job and so brave 💯 today you look so different,seems you re on a very good treatment ,that’s great 👍 like your channel ,keep on going and take care of yourself ❣️ good to hear your your parents are on your side ✅ best wishes from Germany 🇩🇪

[@smilingfaces6009]

ok this must be really hard to watch but you helped a LOTT of people with that. whether they have the same condition as you, a closer one or not. thank you. you're really brilliant. sending love and support. and no , it's not cringe.

[@ario6819]

You are brave to fight this, an inspiration really, thanks for sharing your courage. Send your best wishes man✌️

[@thecamillarose9806]

I found the video from three years ago, but actually found out that you came out with this reaction. Super informative 👍 thanks

[@thecamillarose9806]

I just wonder though, are skitzo voices always very negative?

[@annanicole4988]

We all missed you!! Looking amazing too! 💖💖💖

[@ryuanj5374]

Don’t be too hard in yourself I’m the same way when trying to describe stuff lol

[@benandre15]

You are incredible. I had a love interest who was schizophrenic. You and he were very similar in action and expression. You're in my prayers

[@Andreacosta448]

You were so honest and real and just very very sweet in that video so you should be very proud of it!

[@Saikaxx]

I WAS JUST REWATCHING IT THE OTHER DAY AND HERE YOU ARE!!! I love you

[@jf5212]

Very brave of you to rewatch your episode. Happy for you that you're in a better place ❤

[@r.n.6358]

You're just gorgeous! I am very happy that you have been doing well for a while.

[@missblitzkrieg]

How are you coping now since that video? You have grown up so much since then! And i was so happy to see this in my notifications today! You definitely seem to be managing alot better since then too! Sending lots of love and positive vibes your way! Stay strong and healthy! 💯👌🏽🙏🏽🥰 Ps. I loved your homage to Jim Carrey in the Truman Show! 🙌🏽

[@cartatoblood7537]

I’m glad you’re making this content because I think it does help. The only thing I had a hard time with watching this had to do with the visual formatting of the video and the audio levels. I don’t know anything about making videos, so I’m sorry I can’t offer advice. I just noticed you looked all stretched out and horizontal at the beginning and then I couldn’t really hear your old video but your commentary was super loud. I just would’ve wanted to be able to hear both clearly. All the best, I hope you’re doing well and keep making videos.

[@Thomas_Angelo]

That vid just got recommended to me. I'm so glad you are ok.

[@3dneongreen995]

I'm so very delighted to see you are "Safe and Ok."

[@rosiece6137]

So relieved to see you're still alive after watching the other video (where you mentioned the voices and suicide) as you are so awesome! Great hat

[@acecantwin800]

Man he seems like such a sweetheart. Stay strong man Edit: I really dig the hat

[@daniel6s831]

Hey man. Just started watching your videos. I started with this video you’re reacting to. I wish you the best man!

[@BiaRosy]

You're really strong, I wish the best of the best for you

[@mellowyellow532]

It was probably hard to watch this for you and maybe even triggering. Thank you so much for sharing. I hope you are doing well these days especially since the pandemic forces all of us to be alone in our homes, in our heads all the time. Just checked out Enigma and Type o Negative, great songs, thanks lol. Maybe you would also like the band Tool - Lateralus. Edit: btw I always wondered why you had a Germany flag up on the wall. Greetings from Germany ✌️

[@greggtilghman6349]

The mere fact that you were brave enough to sit through this and actually upload knowing it’s a train wreck you’re going through is the epitome of bravery dude. While you’re cringing watching yourself, think of the people who watched those silent moments in the video and were gutwrenched at what you were experiencing, I know I was. I couldn’t imagine what was flowing through your mind, what sensory perceptions you were going through, what voices you heard, wondering if one day that hole is going to suck you in while you THINK you can control it. Praying for you dude.

[@joeshead8587]

Looking a lot better bro 😎 keep up the good work

[@BeanieB412]

I just want to say thank you. You are incredibly brave, intelligent, kind, - thank you for sharing your deep moments with us.

[@CJdriftZ]

Looks like you're doing better, wish you the best!

[@lonlypinky9563]

I just watched that video im so.happy your still up and going and doing good. That video made me cry

[@alifahrahma8889]

I'd love to watch more of your videos on how you cope with this illness on daily basis

[@dyrefate]

I have scz too and I can relate to a lot of stuff in this video. Glad you're doing much better. And Enigma's a great group. 🙂

[@Liwaj42]

Hi, great to see you! Hope you're doing great! Have you seen the comments on the original video? There is like a flood of people talking about demons. Could you adress their bullshit? :) Also, the mostly uncut recording of an episode is fantastic, and there's nothing wrong with the pauses. You weren't there to talk, but just to show how a person having an episode looks like. Someone now can see this in their schizoaffective friends and understand them better, that maybe they look like they're just out of words, but they actually hear and see something.

[@acii5029]

I'm so glad you are doing better my dude, you look great! Take care of yourself xxy

[@pedromagalhaes6866]

You're the best mate. Wish all the good in the world for you. Stay true to yourself

[@mandy7926]

I so appreciate you sharing the vulnerable side of you, you are so brave. I could tell as your review continued how uncomfortable you got, how are you feeling since having watched it?

[@idontexist6366]

it's really cool that you're helping normalize neurodivergencies like this, keep up the good work! hope you have a good day today

[@shredrix]

Thanks for the update 🙏

[@DennisDunham]

What I love about what you have done is that it helps us understand and communicate--even how to make friends with those with schizophrenia

[@cocoq10]

As a friend of someone with schizoaffective disorder, how would you like them to help if they were with you during an episode?

[@kimberlymarino7344]

This has to be hard for you to watch and comment on. Thanks for sharing!

[@e.k.6513]

You are so hard to him. I remember watching this video and felt it so authentic.