reacting to the mess that is "not like the other girls"-fits in media 🫠

if you want to make editing all nighters easier for me, feel free to buy me a coffee!! www.buymeacoffee.com/icharlyp...
if you liked any of the music in this video, you can find it here! share.epidemicsound.com/56roqj
hey there! This week again we're discussing a certain pipeline I don't often dare going down, we're talking: 'I'm not like the other girls'-trends in media. I honestly have so much to say about this bc the flavours of anger I feel truly spread into many different avenues. Today I mainly focused on explaining the misogynistic side of it, but I'll very happily continue the conversation and address other issues in the future as well.
For now though: I love you, and by just being yourself (whatever that means for you personally), you are the most special anyone could ever be!!
PS: Excuse the popcorn audio, I'll definitely try to prevent that next time (I'm still relatively new to content production (especially audio stuff) so bare with me I'll figure it out asap, promise!!)
other socials: @icharlyprime
0:00-0:47 hiii gorge!!
0:48-8:39 what does 'being different' mean in media?
8:40-23:23 rating the fits
23:24-24:16 byyye gorge!!
discussing the 'not like the other girls' trend
video essay pop culture
why being normal is being different now

[@snoogkies]

“Not like other girls” is a natural response to the incredibly human desire for uniqueness. It’s perfectly fine to want to be “different” as long as you don’t put others down in the process. The best way to be “different” is to be true to yourself and your desires.

[@staceyberry937]

The Kafka part. OMG. I'm DEAD. That was hilarious.

[@iCharlyprime]

Our mothers are what is holding fiction together, least I can do is shout them out haha 😌❤️

[@staceyberry937]

Preach! You speak the truth@@iCharlyprime lolololol

[@mercedesgarciacarrillo1736]

Mother Franz is motheringggg

[@notsareena]

this is a total slay, I'm laughing so much I'm tearing up

[@iCharlyprime]

And that’s all I ever want to achieve 🫡❤️

[@ReggyCupcake]

Im deeply hurt that you chose to show Katniss, Wednesday and Bella in their stunning dresses, but Elena’s shimmery brown ballroom dress was left out LOL

[@iCharlyprime]

Unfortunately it’s been a long time ever since I watched vampire diaries so I didn’t remember that dress and it didn’t pop up during my search BUT- there’s always time for a part 2 ;;;) So thank you for mentioning it, I’ll put it in my notes!! ☺️

[@hang1iderswing]

Another great video, loved this! You're so funny. I also really enjoyed your analysis. You thought of a lot of things I hadn't-- like how "disinterested in men" is code for "virgin"-- blegh! It got me thinking about being "different" as a girl. I think there are maybe two additional reasons it's so popular. Firstly, maybe being a teenager is always partially feeling like an outsider. You're growing, you're alienated from your own body, your mind is developing quickly opening new ideas and desires, your entire social reality and conscious perception change-- you're basically an outcast from your own perception of your childhood self, and from your new role. Everyone feels like an outsider in some ways. This is even more true as a girl because you're being told you should go from a child to a woman, a sexual object, an "other", a stale characterture-- we all see this and think, well I'm not like that, I have interiority. Secondly, most of what we associate with culture for girls and women, especially 10+ years ago, was actually made by men. Movies and books geared towards girls were often written by men, or even if they were written by women, they were approved, produced, published, and editted by men guess what girls might like. Women and girls watching this feel alienation because our experiences aren't reflected, so we assume we're different. It's part of why I thought Barbie was so affecting-- it addresses women and girl's perspective and experiences in an authentic way, which I've almost never seen. Even watching girls play with dolls on tv as a kid-- they were always just like putting on outfits and talking about boys. My dolls and stuffed animals had intense, weird, horrifying adventures. This perspective was not reflected despite being a reality for so many.

[@missg8861]

Counterpoint about the heels in the mortal instruments: they should be able to use runes to counteract the bad effects of wearing heels (lack of balance and grace, etc.) Izzy wears heels to fight in all the time in the books and I feel like this is why. So fear not, they can def slay in them 👀

[@valentine_15]

Ive been watching your videos for a while, and i have to say it has really helped me feel in my skin and deal with that feeling of not being kenough lol, so tysm. Plus, you seem really clever, genuine, funny, and beautiful

[@iCharlyprime]

Omg that makes me so happy, thank you for sharing that!! Love making people realize their infinite (k)worth 😉❤️

[@catalina8614]

Really love how you decorate your space. The backgrounds in your videos are always so pretty. Also I really appreciate how you edit your videos… especially how you have the dolphin sound every time you swear. Has me cracking up! And the duck microphone!👏 Love your videos!🫶🫶🫶

[@iCharlyprime]

Omg thank you!! This is such a lovely comment 🥰

[@dkalisd]

very well said. I really want to be "not like the other girls" when I was in my 10s-20s. But then in my 30s I started to feel like I am the other girl and that's okay. I LOVE BEING JUST LIKE THE OTHER GIRLS!

[@sandefleischer2101]

Actually, I remember sitting in the cinema watching Twilight, I was sooooo happy when I saw the Wedding dress! It really resembled her shy, calm, yet strong character. It is beautiful, and Kind of reminds me of an armor in the Front (for her strength) and then in the back it‘s as if it shows her vulnerable and „human“ side. I don‘t know how else to explain it.

[@erikaleeey]

your videos are amazing as always!!! you’re so underrated

[@niefagundes1997]

The eyeshadow, I LOVE IT.

[@m.n.9708]

i think you should have also included that most not like other girls dont have traditional feminine interested, so they state that. And the misogyny they experience bc they dont check the feminine box.

[@theamandarose]

girl not to have creepy vibes but I need you as my friend 😭 I DIED at the kafka part

[@vaughan3823]

not Kafka, I'm dying ahh 😭 loved this video ❤

[@iCharlyprime]

Girl he wrote a whole story about turning into a bug, he would have *DEFINITELY* been the girl reading at a concert so that Harry styles knows how different he is

[@en2186]

​@@iCharlyprimeHAEHWHSHHWWZEGAHSCWW

[@en2186]

Discovered you recently and I am definitely here to stay(btw hab es geliebt dass du franz kafka deutsch ausgesprochen hast😂)

[@iCharlyprime]

Gotta give my girl the shoutout she deserves y‘know 😌 (and am v happy to have you here!! ❤️)

[@z.k.7472]

Babes the outfit? The hair?? Slayed the house down❤

[@sneakiegirl2174]

No because the fan fiction spiral is so real

[@bighead8129]

girl you missed Amèlie

[@eliskavaskova3692]

now WHERE THE FUCK IS RORY GILMORE? ps. loved the video gurly

[@ReggyCupcake]

Was thinking this too!

[@iCharlyprime]

Like I said I went off of what I found online and she - as simple as that - just didn’t pop up, but I’ll make a note if I’ll make a similar video in the future ☺️

[@SelfAbridged]

Loved this, I almost wish you had stumbled across the Book of Life girl character Maria. The mean sisters in the movie literally say "she's so natural" and freak out that "she reads books, like, for fun". It's an amazing kind of horrible.

[@Magic-dn4yp]

stop I haven’t seen so many of these 😭 except vampire diary’s & the other obvious ones (twilight, hunger games..) am I missing out on anythingg?

[@seydaonyoutube]

yess I saw this within the hour! idk if you remember I commented on your last video that youtube was doing you dirty bc it recommended the video 3 days later so yt started to like you big slay!!!

[@iCharlyprime]

That actually makes me so so happy to hear, thank you for letting me know!! Big slays all around ☺️❤️

[@seydaonyoutube]

@@iCharlyprime so happy to make you happy girlie 💗 love your channel I hope you hit your youtube goals and people are kind to you bc it’s hard being on the internet yk

[@mariaadami7724]

you made me remember that this existed and now I'm going to go read jo/laurie once again

[@iCharlyprime]

it's sooo good haha

[@maddoxnous4047]

Art.

[@EmmaHacker-kj9un]

I wonder what you would think about the 90s Pride and Prejudice 5 hour miniseries. That was my obsession growing up.

[@ir1710]

i like these but i miss styling videos, do a ruffle / mirror palais ish video please

[@haveasmiletoday2814]

Not the lorie and jo fanfiction TT (slay)

[@iCharlyprime]

They have me in the tightest of chokeholds 🫣

[@eleonorasassi3989]

I had no idea spinelli (spinello singular) came from sicily we use that word in the North too😂 educational content✨

[@brillenmonarch2683]

i wanted to ask you for a while now, but did you buy the adidas samba shoes for the original price? Because gurl, i need them, but they are not worth 120 euros..

[@iCharlyprime]

No I thrifted them, there are multiple models out there that look similar so I’d def keep an eye out on Vinted or in your local thrift store before considering buying them new!!

[@ReggyCupcake]

If you have smaller feet, you can always look for kid sizes too because theyre way cheaper secondhand! If not, they pop up on depop every so often!

[@brillenmonarch2683]

@@iCharlyprime i'll try it out

[@annagavrenkova6524]

Omg, truly made my day😂

[@RShelleyymusic]

You're great

[@notthatgirll]

do you know vanessa hudgens in springbreakers (unlike highschool musical) 🤯

[@dg226]

Sandy from SpongeBob is a woman in STEM 😂

[@junevid]

MOTHER-tier content

[@procreatedara4562]

Love it

[@iCharlyprime]

Thank you!! ☺️❤️

[@hayescashman3809]

as soon as christina yang came on screen i said mother mother mother

[@hayescashman3809]

kat is mother

[@flola12]

girl i wanna be friends with u irl, ugh

[@viktoriakurz5353]

DORA IS...... dora

[@iCharlyprime]

All that needs to be said 😌

[@user-yl9sq7gs2r]

Someone please I just NEED to know who the whale is I can’t sleep I won’t google her I swear😭😭😭😭

[@paxielle]

I think some women just are authentically different and stand out by being themselves. It's also nice to see women being confident in who them are and not needing anyones approval. Yes those exist... I think you need to question the view on women who do stand out because you seem very judgemental here.

[@Me-xo5tw]

The FAKE accent whyyy or is it a real accent ??

[@iCharlyprime]

It is a real accent (British, or to be more exact Essex) Since English isn’t my first language and I was taught British English up until I was 12 (then later switched to American), it is quite fun to switch between the two. If you’ve seen any of my past videos then you’d know that I love the UK in all its beauty (the people, nature, culture, accents) and also have friends living there, aka I frequent it quite a bit, and whenever I visit a place I tend to pick up on the way people speak. None of it is done out malice, it truly is just pure appreciation and jest! Besides that, it has also become a popular meme to start having a British accent when saying certain sentences (primarily popular on tiktok). I enjoy watching others partake in the trend, but also generally am just a huge geek when it comes to anything accent/language related (I studied linguistics for a bit at uni). Obviously if you don’t like it you’re free to not watch my content, but if you don’t mind I’m glad to have you here ☺️

[@stargazerbird]

As an Essex girl I can confirm it’s real.

[@m.n.9708]

So undermining the things that are assigned to your gender is bad? You are not allowed to be gender non conforming anymore? This is such a stretch, and "not addressing why we associate dresses, and pink with the female gender in a video about women rejecting these associations is insane actually 😢. And the intro to this video was misogynistic. Femininity in a patriarchy means gender stereotypes created by man for women. But rejecting that is bad because why would you acknowlege depth in women who dont think like you

[@m.n.9708]

and what living the "female way" is supposed to mean? wearing make up? drinking starbucks?

[@eliskavaskova3692]

girl what

[@iCharlyprime]

Since I am relatively new to content creation, especially concerning the niche of commentary, I am very open to constructive criticism, in order to improve one video at a time. When I read your comment, I have to admit that I felt a bit shocked about how you perceived what I said and rewatched my own video immediately, to make sure that I didn’t accidentally make any sort of hurtful claims. The last thing I’d ever want my content to be is something that upsets others or, worse, makes them feel as though they shouldn’t be their authentic self. Since that is the philosophy I not only represent online but also fight for in private on a daily basis. However, after rewatching the video multiple times, I can’t say that I 100% understand all of the claims you made, so let me go through them one by one, and perhaps we’d be able to have a civil discussion. Again, I am very open to admitting that I’m wrong, so feel free to tell me if that continues to be the case. As I understood, your first concern was that my claim that media creating characters who often undermine things stereotypically assigned to women would lead to younger audiences associating stereotypically ‘feminine’ things with feeling insufficient, is me claiming that one can’t be gender non-conforming (I suppose, since gender non-conforming people don’t want to choose either or, which could potentially lead to them not being interested in stereotypically ‘feminine’ things). I am confused about this assumption since, in my world (as I have also stated in the video at 6:48 stating that it is completely fine if you just naturally don’t care about stereotypically ‘feminine’ things), a person being gender non-conforming doesn’t mean they’re undermining any one of the genders. They’re purely engaging in whatever feels most comfortable to them, which I would never see as them passively criticizing stereotypically ‘feminine’ things. A person being themselves isn’t a political statement; it is a basic human right. Therefore, I would never dare draw a connection between the two. And I didn’t. That was purely your interpretation. Your second concern was me not providing a deeper explanation on why we associate certain things with certain genders. This, again, I have a hard time wrapping my head around. My video does not talk about the general stereotype of ‘not like the other girls’ within the discussion of the evolution of gender. I am only addressing today’s media. Besides, perhaps this is due to me having done several empirical studies in university before, but the question of why we associate what with which gender is an infinitely broad topic that I cannot possibly explain in a 20-minute KZbin video. You’d probably have to do years of research just to get close to an answer. And even then, you’d have to focus on a specific time and a specific location, since (as I’m sure you’re aware) how gender is perceived greatly differs between historical periods and different cultures. As of this moment, I am definitely not equipped enough to make any sort of statement regarding this. Nonetheless, it is a hugely interesting topic to me, and one that, again, I feel very strongly about. But before I’ve done enough research, I don’t want to risk spreading misinformation online. Which is why I only focused on very specific parts of the topic. Your third concern was that my intro is misogynistic. This one you didn’t explain any further, so all I can do is ask why you felt that way, and perhaps then I can understand. Your fourth concern - if I understood correctly - is me not acknowledging depth in women who reject gender stereotypes created by men for women. This one I must admit is the most confusing to me, since that is exactly what I talked about within the first half of the video. I am angry at women getting a set of instructions on what they can and can’t be, and part of this is media creating a narrative in which men choose women that don’t act like women (when I say ‘women’, that obviously includes trans women and fem-presenting individuals), because ‘masculine’ traits are considered more respectable. Just like ‘feminine’ traits (and how they’re valued) have been created by the patriarchy, so have ‘masculine’ traits. And considering either one of the two as superior is something I 100% disagree with. The ‘not like the other girls’ trope telling women they have to have an aversion towards womanhood is just as wrong as androgynous women being considered ‘unattractive’ (since the patriarchy claims they aren’t ‘feminine’ enough). Either way, it’s a losing game that I strive to dismantle each and every day. However, me addressing one part of the problem, aka women being taught internalized misogyny through modern media, is not me claiming that the other side of the coin doesn’t exist or is any less valid. Two problems can coexist side by side, and we should 100% work on fixing both. I have the most genuine, deepest respect for women rejecting gender stereotypes, as I am one of them and can therefore understand how difficult it is. But rejecting gender stereotypes doesn’t just look like one specific way. Embracing one’s femininity, loving one’s body unconditionally, not shaving, celebrating one’s wrinkles (and so much more!), is all part of rejecting gender stereotypes and the constant worry that is installed into women’s brains that they are only worthy if they adhere to whatever beauty standard is trendiest at the time. Which is exactly what I said. And no, ‘living in a feminine way’ doesn’t mean drinking Starbucks. It means embracing one’s womanhood, in WHATEVER way feels most comfortable to you. Again, I do want to open a conversation with this, so please tell me if I missed anything.

[@m.n.9708]

​@@iCharlyprime 1. Even actively undermining gendered things is ok, even good. (it being good is opinion based, i can understand that) but there is no different between your statement and that of a tradwife. And nobody natural cares for the color pink or lace or red lip stick. These things do not naturally come to the "female" brain. The context of a majority of women caring for these things is history, society and patriarchy not nature. So what you said at 6:48 is a little inconquencial, in context of world we live in but especially in the context of your video. 2. The intro:I mean with all due respect you stated in your Intro 1:11 "wanting to be not like the other girls stems from misogyny", it couldnt have been imdividualism, self actualization even vanity and arrogance, but no. A woman wanting to rise above her peers must be misogyny? This reminds of me of this 4chan idea, that women are a hive mind. You cannot say that and then throw in "but it is ok if you "natural" dont care" whatever that means. 3. I do find it interesting that you watched your video several times and found 1:11 an appropiate thing to label women who espire to individuality, by rejecting what makes everyone else the same. Its almost as if you have a problem with non conforming subcultures, especially those led by women. 4. Media doesnt create these "characters" it potrays these women. There are girls who never connected with what is considered feminine under the patriarchy and that was very isolating but often after you feel ashamed for being different one day you start to feel pride for that very thing, trust. (skin, hair etc) And why not be boastfull about being special aka different when others were very loud when they tried to shame you for that? I reject the idea that if you are not like others you are not allowed to feel good about yourself especially women. (side note: playing in the mud as a little girl or watch action cartoons/anime is also girly, girls do it all the time i am so sick of pink wearing women claiming girly, enough) 5. I believe the personal is political, so a person being themselves can be a political statement, mostly if they want it to be i.e women dancing in Iran. If you intentionally (as opposed as "naturally") reject all signs of patriarchal femininity you are no less authentic just because you chose that, i would argue that ones choices say more about oneself and that is political. 6. Dont get me wrong i watch your channel bc i like fashion, i read "womans literature" but implying that this makes me more intune with the female hive mind/the sisterhood is ridicilous. 7. Women studies are a whole academic field, i do understand you having to cut it short. But do you not understand that what you chose to include only favors the kind of woman you are? And what you chose to ignore would have given insights in the exact kind of women you oppose. If not deliberate malice this is willful ignorance at best. Accusing women who delibrately go against the patriarchal notion of femininity of misogyny, had space in your introduction but stating why they would reject patriarchal femininity is to complicated of a topic. You could have kept it cute but you wanted to include a pseudo version of socio- political topics like feminism/misogyny this opens the door for the patriarchy i.e the oldest form of oppression against the female sex. So now we are talking about the patriarchy. But lets skip that part? 7.What is this a tradwife convention? What do you mean with "men chose women who dont act like women"?!?!? this just gave me a whiplash. How, and i am in pine and needles here, do women act? Tradwives, femininity coaches, them bimbofication girlies and you have figured that out. So a woman who reads alot, doesnt wear make up, is opinionated, doesnt act like a woman? How do women act then? (This is not a rhetorical question pls give examples) 9.Why does it feel like your biggest problem with the "not like other girls" trope in media is that it is potrait as attraktive? By all the things that could bother you, this is the one thing you keep mentioning? Maybe men actually find that attraktive but mens attraction is truly irrelevant. 9.Why even make the argument that a woman not liking make up is internalized misogyny (make up being a stand in for things you consider feminine), there is nothing misogynistic about liking how you look and not feeling the need to alter it. This state of mind is not a different side of the misogynistic coin, for someone who said the personal isnt political you sure assign alot of political views on an inaction. the inaction being not altering yourself. 10. I am sorry femininity and womanhood are not synonyms for eachother. In a patriarchy embracing femininity is shaving and embracing your womanhood is not shaving, sometimes femininity and womanhood align, sometimes they are in direct opposition. 11. I do think it interesting that you can acknowlege that it is installed in women under the patriarchy that their worth is connected to the beauty trends of the time but the "not like other girl" rejecting that is still a problem. I think this comes with your desire to "not be upsetting". I think this girls are upsetting you and therefore they are wrong. But i assure you there is less depth in "just be kind" girls than in "not like other girls" girls Because its women who want to please everyone who dont want to upset anyone, who will sweep everything under the rug, in the name of keeping the peace.There is a name for a woman who wants to please everyone but belittles the women she disagrees with. 12. I do support your channel and like the content, i am glad you responded so positively and reasonable (i was out for a fight ngl) but not wanting to upset anyone. ANYONE is an insane thing to aim for. And it goes back to the kind of femininity you embrace, the pleasant women of the patriarchy with a pinch of libral feminism. Not me tho. God bless.

[@iCharlyprime]

@@m.n.9708 Alright, I must be honest: I was open to this conversation, but based on this reply, I can see that we’re not grounding our arguments in the same logic. I entered into this with respect for you as a person and a desire to find common ground. However, I will not tolerate being labeled a ‘tradwife’ or ‘the pleasant woman of the patriarchy with a pinch of liberal feminism’. Both of these things do not represent me or my character, and I feel no need to explain myself in this regard. Concerning your accusations, while I delved into details purely based on what you wrote in your first comment, I feel as though you continue to misinterpret my statements and introduce narratives that were never part of the discussion in the first place. This video did not attack anyone but the patriarchy and did not try to tell any women that she’s not allowed to feel good about herself (especially since I never addressed real-life women, but only criticised fictional tropes created by the male gaze). It critiques patriarchal systems that seek to confine women to specific categories, as I believe no human should be categorized in any manner. All I can say is: I celebrate every single woman out there, for everything they do. There is not a single form of womanhood I oppose. I am incredibly proud to be born into this body and am moved daily by women embracing their authentic selves in whatever way, shape, or form. I have never stated anything to the contrary and will persist in advocating for every girl’s right to exist in her truest form. Witnessing other women succeed in their lives and witnessing their personal growth is the greatest privilege I have ever received. I stand with you; I never declared your way of life as incorrect or inferior, and I hope that one day we can stand united. If you genuinely believe the things you've expressed about me, you're obviously free to unsubscribe. Peace and Love ✌🏻❤ - Charly

[@Magic-dn4yp]

stop I haven’t seen so many of these 😭 except vampire diary’s & the other obvious ones (twilight, hunger games..) am I missing out on anythingg?