READING MY BABY-GAY COMING OUT DIARIES

[@laurenelloise]

26TH AUG, WRITE IT DOWN 💜💜 I know it’s a little heavy at some points, but I hope you can see that it’s taken me a long time to realise that I was gay. It’s literally over the space of years. So if you feel like you don’t know what you are right now, it’s okay. Let it take it’s time. You are definitely not alone.

[@mybrainisbrokenithink6751]

Hey it’s been a while since you posted you all good? Can’t wait for a Update on your life btw I got a girlfriend the girl I’ve liked since last year so yea

[@laurenelloise]

yess!! i went on a big 1 month holiday (which i vlogged it all and im uploading them now!) and eeee congrats!!!

[@elliefihlman9290]

Thank you Lauren for everything. Being a baby gay is hard right now so thank you for being the escape I need

[@laurenelloise]

You are so welcome I’m rlly happy this helps you, sending the biggest hugs 💗

[@katkaformankova1876]

Though this video is a little sad, it was at the same time really comforting It is so reassuring to see someone else struggle in a similar way (i still am questioning whether i'm ace or gay and haven't yet seen anyone elses struggle with that) So thank you

[@laurenelloise]

I’m really glad to hear that this was very reassuring to you! 💗🥺 makes me feel good for spending hrs making this. Wishing you all the best on your own journey !!

[@lemongrassandsleep6352]

Your journey is completely valid. As someone who has finally come to terms with their sexuality, it truly feels amazing to be me true self. It takes a lot of time, and the journey can be rough, but it gets better. Remember, you can always be ace and gay, not just either/or. Sending you love on your journey 💕

[@laurenelloise]

@@lemongrassandsleep6352 love this 💜 Ty for adding kind words love to see supportive comments aww

[@galpal]

So proud of you for this video bby. And so happy to be part of the happy ending to your story! 🥺💜🥰

[@laurenelloise]

i big loveeee you!! thanks for consoling me when i cried watching it back with you haha

[@somecuber7001]

U guys are so cute together

[@laurenelloise]

UWU

[@juliahartley-barnes975]

Well this answered my question ❤🫶🏻

[@sloth_crew]

Yess i think we would all love to watch you read your Galpal entries, that would be a great video

[@laurenelloise]

i think it might be a bit spicier than this video tho, am i ready ? ahha 😅

[@laratina9808]

Man, i related so hard. Its good to Know that i wasnt the only one growing up like that, but still: man that sucks and i am so sorry we had to go through that... group hug and happy that you found gal pal ;)

[@laurenelloise]

i promise you that, in the time it feels like you're the only one, but reality is there are so many others going through similar things! group hug very much needed!!! (also ty i am v happy too)

[@scottwelch9044]

Listening to Lauren's evolution is amazing. From sadness and confusion to the freedom and knowledge of accepting who she is. Meanwhile in the U.S. we are going backwards. The religious extremist here suppressing women's rights pointing the finger and religious extremist in the Muslim world saying how dare you make women... Failing to see their own hypocrisy. Cheers! Lauren have a great day.

[@KatelynJoe]

Meanwhile my diary entries at 13: “IM SO IN LOVE WITH HER! SHOULD I TELL HER?? AM I GAY?? SHE IS SO BEAUTIFUL BUT SHE IS MY BEAT FREIND AND SHE HAS A BF, IM SO CONFUSED??” Even as a bi/pan/queer now it’s still a universal experience to fall for your best friend 😂

[@kidskirkland1834]

it a canon event lol

[@coenraadheijdemann507]

"I'm currently hating myself because I just want to be normal", "not allowed", and "so much self-hate" just broke my heart. I started to follow you and others like you because I wanted to understand people who are different from myself, and specifically LGBTQ+ people, because I feel that they are too often treated so badly by a lot of heterosexuals. But what was news to me, was how hard LGBTQ+ people can be on themselves. I did sort of understand that figuring out how and what you are can be confusing, but I had no idea how hard and traumatic that journey can be. I think you're doing a very good thing by putting this out there in the world, creating understanding and recognition, and when I read the comments, I understand how much this means to so many people who are going through the same things as you did. I'm so glad you worked it all out, and that you're happy now! Keep up the good work...

[@ellouisebadger849]

"I don't like penises" same 😂

[@laurenelloise]

Hilarious to read back 😆

[@HollyVidin]

I know I’m literally a year late to the party, but this was the most validating video I’ve ever watched. I’m so glad I found your channel. I’ve always felt insecure about my experience and journey to coming out as a lesbian ‘cause I didn’t know anyone who had a journey remotely similar to mine. Growing up feeling like I “fit in” with girls and never being the stereotypical lesbian who only has guy friends, and then thinking I’m ace for most of adolescence but then at age 17 going through the heteronormative emotional turmoil of trying so hard to convince myself I’m straight or bi… This must have been so hard to read back through (I cried through the whole thing and it’s not even my diary), but thank you so much for telling your story

[@blue-phoenix]

13:00 yeah that hit me way to hard💔. I'm not ready to come out to my family or friends yet...And there isn't a single day that goes by without wishing I was "normal". I just hope that someday I'd finally stop hating on myself because of it. Even though it was kinda sad, it was also just comforting and reassuring that someone else has gone / is going through the same thing

[@LuckyDucky81310]

I’m not ready to come out either

[@lassam333]

It's completely about CompHet (compulsive heterosexuality). You mentioned a lot of "I'm not allowed to", which is exactly the basis of this. Also back in these days there was hardly any representation in the media apart of the L-Word, which was mainly watched in secret (same applied to Queer As Folk). Orange Is The New Black was definitely a breakthrough. Glad you managed to push through this period of your life, having you first gf and finally being fully able to live your fullest truth with Girl Pal. I wish you many years of love and happiness together!

[@sorrel_emily191]

Hiya, man this was like you were also reading my old diaries, I relate to this so much. But now out and proud at 25🎉. Its so comforting to know we're not alone through this❤️

[@laurenelloise]

aww haha, im happy for your progress!! 💜 look at us go!

[@Cmana494]

This made me have flashbacks 😂 In my teenage years I went through a similar process as yours. Now I’ve been out and proud for 11 years

[@tonilou]

I inconsistently wrote a diary when i was a teenager and I'm so glad i did because i also recorded part of my gay realisation 😄 it's gold

[@juliahartley-barnes975]

I see you haven’t posted another video in a bit, but know that I just found your channel and I love it. I’m a little older, 32, and came out as a lesbian when I was just 14. My parents were very supportive, my dad was an angel. My mom told me she had some high school and college experience, so she understood the appeal. 😉 Anyway, I’m enjoying your channel and I hope it won’t be long before a new one arrives. You’re so sweet and lovable. (don’t worry, I’m married now to my long term girlfriend I met at 23). Just wanted you to know that there are older lesbians in your audience. 🌹💫

[@itsRebeccaRayne]

This is always so interesting to me because i never went through any of this, I was one of those “Fuck you, I’m bi!” 13 year olds and never purposefully came out to anyone, I just existed. Even though I knew young, I didn’t date or even kiss anyone until I was 16. It was super accepting in New Zealand and we had LGBT club at school even in 2005. I’m now 32 and am questioning if I’m a lesbian rather than bi, but basically I just use queer now.

[@andreeaadn]

This just launched me on a historical recollection of all my interactions through time. I never put much much thought into sexuality, so I totally get the asexual part and the demisexual identification I think you have now. People are mostly sexual, so until I found you I haven't stumbled into someone I related at this level. Stuff like "smash" means "kiss" or "want to get close to" for me resonate. In terms of crushes, I realize I had moments when I did like boys, but for me liking means wanting to spend time or get to know someone. I've turned a lot of my girl crushes into friends I still have to this day. I've had a few barely remembered tiny impulses towards getting closer to a friend - like touch a hand in a way that is probably more than friendly. I never acknowledged "I love" someone that way and is not requited, like you did. But I'm not sure I did not feel it. I just said to myself "that's the limit" and moved on. I never unconsciously "allowed" myself more until it was mutual. I had a sort-of-relationship with a girl when I fell in love back in college, but even though I did "participate willingly and enthusiastically", I wish I would have waited to feel I wanted to kiss her before we did. Cause now I don't really know who I am or what I want. I hardly ever like someone - and if I do, I'm so good at repressing, I fool myself too. And it would take a lot of time and a lot of patience from the other person, for me to be able to get to a place I am comfortable in doing things people do when they are teenagers. The way you write in your baby gay diaries is more honest to yourself - more aware of what you feel - than I am now. I think I learned very early on what I can be and what I can't and repressed correspondingly, and now I have to relearn. People like you show me stuff about myself that makes me feel validated, but I also have a lot of work to do because I have not addressed a lot of feelings I had through time. 2024 december - when you speak - in more recent videos or in livestreams you feel heaps ahead in awareness about who you are, and I guess that is why I am here. To see you be, see your experience and hopefully that helps me find myself. I just started listening to youtubers about a year ago - I think I started with the first Made it out video. And you said it takes years, so I believe you I know this video is far back in time, I'm just posting this here so I have it in my history.

[@laurenelloise]

i want you to know that i read your comment, after i watched this video bc i was thinking about it today, and your words are beautiful. Not really sure if any of my words will be able to comfort you, idk what to type to express how i feel, but I want you to know that I needed to read this today and I really appreciate you sharing your story. If I could, I would give you the biggest hugs. you got this

[@andreeaadn]

@@laurenelloise Nice surprise, I expected this to remain lost in time 😂 It's less sad than it seems in writing, it's actually liberating to become aware of all these things. I'm a say every time you let a part of you be shown, even if it's hard, it might free someone else to consider doing the same. You know, you've been there ☺ Probably still are in some ways, we all have our stuff we struggle with. I'm gonna stop now, cause otherwise I might write a novel.

[@vickyundfinnley3274]

Now I'm writing my diary. Im going through the same and im now 15 & struggleing. I hope I'll find my way.. im so happy that you make this videos!! They’re really supporting me 💓

[@laurenelloise]

i know you will 💗 keeping diaries was so worth it, looking back on them has really inspired me to keep doing vids like this

[@vickyundfinnley3274]

@@laurenelloise thank u 🙏💕💕💕

[@demitwice]

aaaa i relate to this so much!! i began questioning my sexuality at 14 and then came out as asexual first cause i was sure i wasn't sexually attracted to men and didn't want to have sex with them, but my romantic orientation was this whole other mess. by the end of high school i felt like i was behind everyone else, i have never kissed anyone or dated anyone or anything. and like, boys asked me out in high school but i always rejected and i just couldn't understand why i wasn't able to like them. like, i have a friend who has a similar sense of humor as mine and we got along super well and he was really nice. he told me he liked me back in the 11th grade and i freaked out and rejected him. then i began feeling really guilty cause I just couldnt understand why i didnt like him. and then i began liking one of my female friends, but she was dating someone else, and everything was so confusing. i began university earlier this year and i realized that maybe im not asexual at all, im just not attracted to guys cause... i'm a lesbian. i guess. admitting this still feels weird. your videos have helped me so much in the past few months, lauren :) it's just great to see that these weird things going through my head are not uncommon, that im not alone. ❤

[@sloth_crew]

Hey Lauren, I’ve been waiting for a great video. I have missed you so much from posting, I love you so much. Thank you for making these amazing videos.

[@laurenelloise]

I MISSED U!!! I hope you enjoy this one, it's a wild ride hahaha and thank you so much for ur support!!!

[@roniredansky6341]

It was very hard for me to hear that you have dealt with severe depression, because I understand how it feels from someone who has experienced it. I hope and see that you are in a good place in your life now. I wish you all the best in the world and that you be happy, I love you very much, and really a huge thank you for helping many people, including me of course.

[@skye6328]

Thank you!!! This video made me sad but it also made my day (as a Bi/lesbian/asexual/idk) and it’s really relatable what you were going through. I mean I think I’m bi but this video was like so relatable so…

[@virgilmcclendon5072]

Thanks!

[@laurenelloise]

AHHHH THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE SUPPORT 💓💓💓

[@CaliTheAnnoyingOmniGirl]

I literally thought that I was so alone, because this was close to my experiences. I'm bi, but from all the comments from classmates saying i was greedy for liking both gender/sexualities made my depression I already had from my parents getting divorced had gotten so much worse. I am still very depressed, but i am slowly coping with it. I will probably be depressed my entire life, but i can live with it. If you're like me and have had anxiety/depression for most of your life, know you're not alone, and if younger you could handle it, then current you can too.

[@testers0106]

Thank you Lauren, when I was younger and still in denial I remember watching your videos to try to figure everything out and it actually really helped me. I really appreciate you! ❤ You have been a great role model for me!!

[@laurenelloise]

You are so welcome! this makes me super happy to hear :')

[@AprilDibrina-pp4sd]

Thank you for this, this is so sad! I can definitely relate, my parents are so homophobic and I was so scared bc I had a crush on my bff but eventually she really helped me out and now I'm lesbian despite my parents' grudge ❤️ Don't let anyone hold you back from being yourself 🏳️‍🌈💞

[@EggyEggPie]

8:45 OMG I LOVED THAT SHOW I WATCHED IT SM AAAAA

[@starlight6896]

I love your videos they have helped me so much on coming out of the closet 💖💛💙 I hope you stay safe🏳️‍🌈

[@laurenelloise]

im so so soooo glad to hear this! makes it all worth it! 🌈

[@sloth_crew]

I hope you and Galpal are going well, I always love you guys and you are such a cute couple.

[@laurenelloise]

yesss we are doing great! We're about to go on a lil picnic now that i've finished editing!

[@sloth_crew]

@@laurenelloise awww that makes me so happy to hear, have fun with your picnic

[@laurenelloise]

@@sloth_crew Ty Ty

[@kaseyford1490]

I also have that Goosebumps shirt. I love how it glows in the dark too 😊

[@suckers0]

Great video and story. Brave of you to share and it shows how your self-awareness and confidence has leapt forward - which must be encouraging for those going through a similar phase in their lives.

[@laurenelloise]

Thank you so much! after reading through 3yrs worth of diaries, i feel really connected to my past self, i have a lot more understanding how i got to where i am. and yes, hoping this will be v valuable to those going through the motions right now

[@arissa3959]

Aww, this was such a great video. Thank you for sharing your very private thoughts with the world, and specifically other lesbians.

[@laurenelloise]

Naww thank you for watching and being here!! I’ve been wanting to make this video for a while, I’m so glad I finally did it. Although it was quite emotional for me to get through I can see that a lot of people are gonna find it useful or relatable

[@lisanneb28]

Damn this video was great to watch. Lauren, I just found your channel like 2 days ago but I have already watched so many videos. You are my favourite queer creator on YT because for some reason watching your videos really... calm me down? I don't know if that's the right term but yeah your videos just make me feel less alone and like it is actually going to be okay. You are such a beautiful person, I really mean that, on the outside ofc :) but also on the inside!! Your laugh is contagious haha. This video made me kinda emotional because I am at that point in my life right now where everything is difficult and confusing. I am so in love with one of my friends and I was always afraid to tell her because our friendship is too important, it means the world to me. I also started keeping a diary about 2 years ago and sometimes I back read small entries which almost always makes me tear up. I was so confused and sad, I still am but I feel like I am able to deal with it better. This has become really long and the chance that you'll read it is really small but that's okay haha. If you do happen to see it, THANK YOU! For the effort you put into your videos, everything. You have no idea how much I appreciate it. Also to anyone else reading this and in a similar situation, I believe in you, it will get better ❤ everyone is valid no matter what 🌈

[@heyy.im_mithi]

i'm almost 15 (3 more months) and i'm also questioning my sexuality. Feels like I'm putting a lot of pressure on myself to label myself. I relate a little too much to your old self in terms of feelings and attraction. I'm pretty sure I am romantically interested in girls and I'm not sure if I'm interested in boys. I've never actually had a real crush, I mean there have been a few people (girls & boys) i have imagined myself being in a relationship with but I know (for sure) that the idea of being in a relationship with that specific dynamic and personality is more appealing to me than the actual person. I've never been jealous or anything when people are close to my "crushes" so idk. Plus the very idea of sex DOES repulse me (w boys & girls, but it's more tolerable or whatever w girls), idk if that's js because of my age or if i'm actually ace.. I've never actually been in a relationship obviously so idk if my perspective will be changed with experience. I also prefer female characters in books, movie and shows ALL the time. They're the ones who i think look 'cool' and 'hot'. And I can admit when male characters look 'cool' or aesthetically pleasing but it feels more like a fact than an opinion. Also, continuing with the film topic, whenever full on nudity is shown I immediately find the character LESS appealing or attractive or whatever. I remember watching euphoria's nude scenes (ik it's all highly age inappropriate but idc) and I was absolutely disgusted when they showed male *parts*. A slightly lower level of disgust but still very repulsed when they showed women's b--bs (i'm sorry 4 being so explicit). I don't mean to insult anyone's body or diginity but that was just my reaction. This level of disgust is probably only in accordance with my age tho but still. **sigh** this rant actually made me realize that i'm not as sure of my sexuality as i thought i was. i'm doubtful but i think i might be a cupioromantic (i literally discovered this word TODAY but i suppose it's applicable) asexual (or maybe demi??) biromantic (and/or bisexual). ANyways, long story short- idk if i'm attracted to boys or girls or both, idk if i'll ever actually get real romantic feelings towards someone AND idk if i'll ever be sexually attracted to someone. Basically- I DONT KNOW! AAHHHH!!! good day everyone.

[@mybrainisbrokenithink6751]

Oh my god I’m so happy you’re posted again

[@laurenelloise]

eeeeeee me too!!!!!

[@mybrainisbrokenithink6751]

@@laurenelloise hey it’s me so mind if I ask you a question please just need some advice.

[@margaret.a]

Lauren: "Also, don't fall in love with your friends guys" The majority of people watching this video: "Too late"

[@Crainiate.]

it is always a good day when lauren posts a video.

[@laurenelloise]

YOU DONT KNOW HOW BIG MY SMILE IS RN :')

[@LuckyDucky81310]

I’m just a baby lesbian I didn’t come to the conclusion that I was a lesbian until not even a year ago I started questioning when I was 12 almost 13 and now I’m 14 and I for sure know I’m a lesbian I know because I have not had a crush on a guy for a long time and started to have more crushes on girls I thought I was Bi but no just lesbian ❤🏳️‍🌈

[@Lk29412]

Yayyyyy she’s back

[@laurenelloise]

yessss ive missed yt!!!!

[@Lk29412]

Hi I am so happy your back recording hope you had a good break also I think that is was brave of you to speak and be open about your younger selfs thoughts that really helped me and a lot of other people 💗🤍🧡

[@Lk29412]

@@laurenelloise also I hope you have a wonderful week

[@carorijkehaven5386]

This was such a great video. Thank you so much for sharing. The LGBTQ+ community has come a long way and there is still some people in the West that don’t accept us. Keep doing what you’re doing. Sending you and Galpal lots of love ❤️

[@laurenelloise]

Absolutely!! thank you for your kind words and for being here! there's a long way to go, but we're making progress 🌈

[@snehatripathi9227]

Am so proud of you Lauren ❤️ This makes sooo happy to see you getting over it and doing so well in life You're extremely cute and adorable🥺 I loveee you 🥺 P.s I hope I'll come out to my parents soon :) Lots of love to you and Erin 💞

[@laurenelloise]

THANK YOU~~ 💗 and wishing you the best for when you do decide to come out!

[@sorapfeiffer9323]

Omg I was obsessed with Hex... And now I have a bit of a crush on one of the new presenters, Rad (WHO IS GAY!!!!!!) GGSP for the win!

[@laurenelloise]

ayyy fellow australian!! also i j ust googled rad and the first image i get is her with her sleeves rolled,, so im getting gay vibes 👀

[@bjr8509]

My journey was faster. Only a year between questioning and coming out at age 15. As a teenager I wasn’t depressed but full of rage. And energy. I had the self esteem level of a middle aged white man. So it kinda helped me to accept myself. 😂 But yes I did cry over loving my friend…

[@AleesatheIsraeli]

Thanks for sharing.....the whole I like girls personalities.....same. Today I'm married to a girl and we are pregnant.....

[@laurenelloise]

oh my god, the biggest of congratulations!!!!!

[@TheMic1592]

Amazing video Lauren!! You are so awesome

[@laurenelloise]

Thank you so much!!

[@thislovecamebacktome1367]

I love this video. I started an extra diary for this stuff and i just wondered there if i am the only one who feels thinks like this and i always got so jealous of ppl who just could say yeah i'm gay cause it took me long time to get over the fact that i might like girls ,and my first girl crush is on a straight girl and since more than one year i'm still not over it, and i'm still not sure about my sexuallity so i say thank u cause this video helps a lot and i feel better, i wish u all the best💕🌈

[@jas.saunders]

Yeaaaah, ahaha, as an Aussie, defo crushed on Hex as a kid too! 😅

[@laurenelloise]

why is this so YOU!! ahhahahha i used to run to watch that show just for her, v gay

[@jas.saunders]

@@laurenelloise What can I say, dude? I'm predictable, even when I comment after a fair while! ;) 😛

[@enviableechidna]

I'm a few months late, but there is so much about those diary entries I can relate to. I'm old enough that asexual/aromantic weren't terms that were widely used when I was a teenager. I "coined" the term asexual to describe myself because I knew I wasn't attracted to men, so I thought that meant I wasn't attracted to anyone. I didn't really know being attracted to women was an option (although looking back I can definitely identify crushes going back to when I was very young). I'm not sure when I really learned about lesbians, but I was in my 4th year of college before I had any inkling I might be gay. It was another 5 years after that before I was confronted with my sexuality in a way I couldn't "explain". Over the next 6 months I went from oh I think I'm mostly straight this is just an aberration, to well OK so maybe I'm actually bisexual because women are very attractive but I also like guys (narrator insert: she in fact did not like guys, and never had), before finally being able to accept that I had feelings for a woman and it wasn't just a 1-time thing. I'd have those feelings again and again. I know it was hard struggling through all of those feelings. But you seem to be in a really great place now and I'm very happy for you.

[@Pirate_tat87]

how's your relationship going hope everything is going good, love your videos ♥

[@Lucky_gonewild]

We all love spicy gay stories especially if it's obvious and stupid the way you find your sexuality 🌈😄

[@laurenelloise]

yesss

[@zoragryffin9000]

I needed this 💕

[@laurenelloise]

im glad it came to you at the right time! 🧡

[@roniredansky6341]

I can’t you make me cry 😭

[@indiesanimals4385]

YASS MY SCHOOL DID WEAR IT PURPLE AND I ALMOST MISSED IT LIKE SO CLOSE! but I didn’t I was wearing almost everything purple and I also came out to 3 of my friends. (Also hint for my age I was 5/6 in 2015 :/ and I’m also Aussie!)

[@bluecheshirecat13109]

Yayyy I missed your video 🤩

[@laurenelloise]

Hope you enjoyed it! I MISSED U

[@The_DuckyDude]

This made me cry not gonna lie ❤

[@patrishacross7521]

Thank you for making this video you guys are a huge inspiration for me I hope to be like you when I get older❤️

[@rihannnahanvelt]

Lol I’m still kinda figuring out my sexuality still but I am still like 90% sure I’m lesbiannn

[@laurenelloise]

and that's completely okay! as you just saw, my journey was over the space of years! even after the last entry, when i started my first gay relationship, i still wasn't sure if lesbian fit

[@rihannnahanvelt]

@@bubba283 oh

[@braz28]

I've watched this video more than once because I am indeed confused. The thing is, I have a boyfriend, I like him and I care about him but theres a big part of me that hopes we wont end up together because I want girls, it's not that i am not happy with him, he's my type of person and we understand each other so much but I get crushes on girls and imagine having a life with a girl, I may or may not like a friend? Idk, but i don't want to break up with him because I don't want him to be sad and i don't want things to stop being as they are, of course not the kissing and stuff but I don't love that part, I want him always with me but maybe not in this way? Maybe i'm just wanting to not be like the straight couples i know or because of the bad examples i have in my family? My mom says she's certain that I don't love him but how can she know that if not even I know?

[@Chanelleopperman]

I love the fan. Love the still me that's so awesome. I was so happy when I see you have finally make a new video. Missed your videos so much. This video was amazing love it. I like the way you write. Would love to see more diary entries videos. So glad you are happy and that you have found yourself. So proud of you. Always stay you.

[@laurenelloise]

Thank you so much!! and haha yes the fan was so cool! 🌈 ive missed posting!! got a whole bunch of ideas i wanna do!

[@Chanelleopperman]

@@laurenelloise can't wait to see all the new content.

[@makenaroy6772]

You look really good in that video

[@Tj.wright.170]

I hate how much I relate to this

[@snehatripathi9227]

How much you missed Lauren Me :- yessssssssssss 😭

[@laurenelloise]

Awwww 🥺😭💜💜💜💜

[@KMAR2132]

Your cry face is so cute

[@NiaNamora]

Heck, I'm older than you and this was actually very helpful because I've constantly been debating it in my mind over years. I've gotten to the point where I don't like men. And i know i fall for women romantically, but sexually I'm scared. Recently, I've just wanted to be alone, but i worry I'm just holding myself back because I'm a bit of an avoidant personality. Anyways, just wanted to say this video helps as well.

[@kanon_natsuki]

HIII really love the video (lol like always) oh and ty didn't know about the purple thing i'm gonna buy a shirt this color and sit at home with it lol

[@laurenelloise]

Thank you! AND YAAAAYYYY!! we're all gonna be wearing purple together and i think that's so cute and comforting!

[@kanon_natsuki]

@@laurenelloise yeah! and it's good for me because purple is my second favorite color (my favorite is orange) so I probably use it sometimes even after 😄

[@laurenelloise]

oh nice!!! im loving light purple of late!

[@1dionysos606]

This is interesting (as all of your video's are) because as a straight cis male who have known that from very young age I have only little knowledge from what LGBTQIA+ people goes through.

[@laurenelloise]

you know what i actually didnt think too much about the other side when making this, i thought it would be rlly useful for people also struggling to see someone else go thru it, but i didnt think too much about allowing straight/allies the chance to see what i actually went through to get to this point !!

[@upgradeplans777]

Seriously great video. VERY relatable (except about boys, not girls). I'm a couple years older and was going through this before 2010, but compared by age you were about 2 years faster than me. Not that it matters at all, but that is not slow imho! I know many of your old video's are privated now, but (at least for me) they were specifically relatable as well. There is nothing wrong with having strong emotions reading back about such a confusing period. At least one result is that you are doing a good job at showing younger people that there is no reason to worry about figuring oneself out.

[@laurenelloise]

THANK YOU! and i love this perspective, so ty for sharing! everyone has such different timing to coming to terms with themselves! oh btw the only vids i have made private are ones with my ex and collabs with people who no longer want the vids to be up, so idk if those are what you're referring to? otherwise its all still there 💜 a week or so later after making the vid i still think about some of the stuff i read, its really helped me understand who i was / how i was feeling back then. incredibly grateful i kept writing

[@upgradeplans777]

​@@laurenelloise Yes I was referring to those. The dynamic between you and your ex, and the different wavelengths you seemed to be on, helped me understand things from my own past from an outside perspective. I was probably recognising a bit more similarities than there actually are - everyone has a unique story and I only know the youtube part of yours - but with this new perspective things can be obvious that as a teenager really were not to me. Just like you mentioned at the start of this video as well 🙂

[@Lyn-.-]

Reasons why I am not writing my diary right now: because in 20 years I’m going to look over it and explode because of embarrassment

[@laurenelloise]

Yeah haha or maybe it won’t be embarrassing, maybe you’ll just be like aww at younger you!

[@loupelizzo2399]

Wow I love how you tried seeing what sexuality you are it was a journey and just love all your words and shows a picture of your journey. Some it was cute and sad and everything and basically it you trying to find how to live your true life the best you can thank you so much for sharing this great video

[@TheDuffer99]

Hey - always nice to see you in a new video ! Yay !! Our journeys to acceptance can be so damn difficult. And why? It makes me angry because it's natural for a minority of people to be lgbtq+. Why is it natural? Because it's always been that way, there's always been people who've been lgbtq+, they exist now and they will always exist because that's the way nature works. Look at animals, it's the same thing. We've been well accepted in some cultures throughout history but not nearly enough. So for something that's natural, why do we have such a hard time? Because of our backward society. I often feel our culture is just getting out of the Stone Age ! Incredible how dumb downed it is.

[@laurenelloise]

THIS THIS THIS - also hey!! haha this one took me a week to edit. i always like to think back to the stat that says over 1300 species experience homosexual relations/mating/whatever you wanna call it. which makes me feel a better! While there is so much more work to do (being gay is still illegal in 70 countries) i think we are making progress 🌈

[@cro0ked_cr0ww]

i got a girlfriend a week ago!!:D

[@laurenelloise]

omgggg so happy for you!!! that's super cute 🌈

[@cro0ked_cr0ww]

@@laurenelloise

[@somecuber7001]

I got a girlfriend a week ago too I hope u have a awesome relationship together

[@laurenelloise]

aww cute!!!1

[@steevoridgeline]

thank you so much 🌈

[@laurenelloise]

You're welcome 😊

[@GraceMurat]

Hi I loved your vid but I was wondering if you could make a vid of telling how Lesbians wear or should wear same with actions because I’m a Lesbian and I am so confused about it because everybody says “oh you don’t look or act like one” and I see all of these vids of how they dress and I don’t dress like them I love there style but it just isn’t my dressing style and I’m just ** years old and I really need help

[@biancs07]

im questioning atm for me, I've had 'crushes'(boys) but they rest proper crushes- I only had them only because they looked and acted slightly better but I was never friends with any of them and couldn't find or see myself hugging, kissing or anything like that with them- I never got nervous or anything around them. (this was in primary school) I was and still am friends with people on the lgbtqia+ spectrum and got along well, I've even starting correcting my mum etc abt their pronouns as my mum still cant get it right and it just feels bad for me just to let my mum say the wrong pronouns. But like I have adhd autism and anxiety- so yh. anyways I cant seem to find people attractive at all like people are like who's hot? etc and im like no one- because for me generally there is no one hot- but like now that I seem to stare at one of my friends lips they r like perfect- but like I wanna hold hands with them but like I dont think I want to kiss or have the thing w anyone atm-

[@Thewolf2004-d8p]

I’m a lesbian too

[@outoftheordinary6615]

The 8 of may is my bday!!!!!

[@ineedatherapist6442]

Is it wierd that i didnt have a Problem with being gay 2 years ago (when i realised it) but now i really struggle to tell people bc i know i cant live in my hometown with my family and be gay? I told a few friends most of them support me but now that i started to think about how my live would be and what people gonna think about me i feel insecure and i dont know if im bisexual ( i tougt i was a lesbian) or if i just want to have a Chance to be happy and make my family happy btw i love your Videos and hallo from Germany

[@I_like_potatosss]

I am currently making a gay bracelet

[@laurenelloise]

aw cute!

[@ferchrissakes]

Respect. Endless respect.

[@laurenelloise]

🖤🖤🖤🖤

[@cherylboyd7426]

Is there like an app for lesbians where you can get a girlfriends cuz I mean like how do you get so many!?

[@taylor_editsandgacha5549]

i kinda knew right awa and i was happy and showing it

[@ilanawulf9335]

i've known i'm a lesbian for a while but i've loved the same girl almost the whole time and i've liked other girls in the interim but they've all rejected me or i've moved on and the one i love has a boyfriend and is definitely straight. she's going to college soon and i can't move on from her, i love her so much and i don't know how to go to school or anything without being able to see her... i was even flirting with a girl last year and i couldn't ask her out because i was so in love with the first girl sorry for ranting i'm having a really hard time rn

[@Crazyplantlady-p8l]

That’s okay I hope you feel better now

[@Lk29412]

Hi everyone in the comment section ikr this is random but does anyone have any advice on how to get over someone you liked and how used to be your best friend ghosting you because you came out to them and they think is gross/ creepy.

[@LaurenElizabethYT]

Random question I’ve been thinking of, is it okay for a bisexual girl to say “I’m gay” or “I’m a lesbian” … I’ve noticed myself saying that a few times since I’ve been out as bi/comfortable with being bi … but then also I’m like “wait, no, I’m not gay I’m bi” but I kinda just use the terms “gay” and “lesbian” to refer to the fact that I’m a woman who’s into women. But I also feel like I’m like “stealing” the term from people who are *only* attracted to women…. Also guess I am participating in bi erasure by saying I’m gay or lesbian. But idk, I kinda like saying “im gay” instead of “im bi” … but I can’t decide how I actually feel about it. Kinda rambling comment, opinions on the topic appreciated lol

[@davidstratton696]

If your bi then your bi. Lesbian means your only attracted to women so it’s kinda weird to call yourself a lesbian. It does give into bi-erasure and also invalidates what lesbian means which is a woman who is only attracted to women exclusively.

[@lovinglife9445]

Ahhhhhh I have a baby gay dairy as wellll

[@laurenelloise]

aww thats so cute, it's really cool to look back on and see how much you've grown / how far you've come!

[@aj_ke]

🥺🥺🥺🥺 literally

[@lottiehodgson2230]

Yayyyyyyyy!!!!!!

[@laurenelloise]

Yessssss it’s hereeeee 🙈

[@lottiehodgson2230]

@@laurenelloise the way you whacked put that fan 😂

[@laurenelloise]

feeling fabulous~~~

[@swalton108]

Lauren i need your help i had a greem about having sex with someone i'm a baby gay i don't know what to do about it.

[@Dinosaurgirly22]

12:14 too late (I think she might like me back)

[@Kay_plays005]

I’m confused but if my mom figured out my sexuallys and she knew does that mean I still have to come out to her or am I out?

[@laurenelloise]

That's up to you! I don't know your relationship with your mum, but if you feel like it would make you feel better / be in control of your own story / strengthen your relationship by telling her, then go for it!! If i was to imagine being a parent, and my child coming to me with such personal info (even tho i already have a feeling about their sexuality), it would show me that they are really brave and trust me with it. it'd also mean i can support them better

[@dragonfestus]

Cool, I’m a aroace (aromantic and asexual) lesbian

[@Viky_00]

I can realate to a lot of things, I was sure about being asexual when I was younger but day after day I realize that I'm just more attracted to girls... ✨

[@KalpanaPawar-qp3sw]

Girl I am also a baby gay

[@somecuber7001]

I love ur vids I’m a lesbian

[@laurenelloise]

thank you soooo much for the support my fellow gay 💗

[@somecuber7001]

@@laurenelloise

[@henrythomasbarthram6065]

When you said lesbian, I thought you were going to say AUSTRALIAN - I am assuming you're Australian, right? LOL

[@laurenelloise]

AHHAHA well yes, that would also be true! am australian indeed

[@juliahartley-barnes975]

Are you still with Gal Pal?

[@laurenelloise]

Ya 🌈

[@howjwebdbdbsjz]

Fuck, I kinda feel the same like you did... Asexual? Biromantic? What if I'm lesbian too? But what about boys then? Ahhhh I HATE IT i don't even know, maybe I'm straight, but tbh I don't think so, but I don't wanna say I'm gay/bi/pan whatever and then turn out to be straight afterwards? But anyways I don't rlly think I'm 100% straight but I can't make myself really commit to it... :( Anyone feeling the same?

[@MarCreasorFletcher]

hi

[@laurenelloise]

HELLLOO 🙈

[@MarCreasorFletcher]

OMG

[@MarCreasorFletcher]

@@laurenelloise HI I'M A BABY GAY AND I LOVE YOUR VIDS THANK YOU

[@laurenelloise]

awww hey!!! and thank you!!!! 🌈