READING VLOG | a little life and a lot of tears

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TW for A Little Life: various methods of self-harm, emotional abuse, pedophilia, rape, suicide, child molestation, physical trauma from violent abuse, kidnapping/imprisonment, drug use, addiction, grief and loss of a loved one, religious member molestation (i'm probably missing a lot)
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KAT'S LITTLE LIFE VLOG:
• i FINALLY read a littl...

[@brittanyhoward1741]

Kat and Noelle: "We're bad bitches; We read horror; Nothing hurts us." A Little life: "Dear Comrade--" Kat and Noelle: *sobs uncontrollably*

[@NoelleGallagher]

OMG HAHAHA

[@beatrizafonso8673]

Can someone tell me the level of english of this book?? I really want to read it but it's not translated in my language and I'm not completely fluent in English. I can understand everything in tv shows, fanfics KZbin videos etc but I don't know if I would understand "fancy" words and "fancy" writing if u know what I mean :) thanks

[@idi0klyncratic436]

@@beatrizafonso8673 English is also not my first language and there are terms that I had to research to understand the context but overall, I think it’s pretty understandable.

[@sg_1541]

@@beatrizafonso8673 just use a dictionary sometimes.... It'll be easy. English is not my first language either but I read it anyway got to learn a lot of new words.

[@dziabuka1981]

@@beatrizafonso8673 what is your native language? Out of pure curosity.

[@emmamarie1119]

Me telling my friends about A Little Life: “it is my favorite book of all time and I never want any of you to read it because I love you too much”

[@Sundaymagpie]

Relatable AF

[@ilsebtw7196]

YES

[@OzmaOfOzz]

SAME. 😢

[@marimontes1226]

Whenever you call us sweet little petunias, 5 years are added to my life

[@viniciuscastro4757]

YESSSS

[@emiliejenkins9225]

Omg same i thought i was alone hahahahaha i love it

[@Bia-bk9zp]

I love it too

[@reine5372]

I unconsciously smile

[@anastasia7966_]

I just bought this and now I’m scared 😹😭

[@deannamacdonald3357]

"I'm afraid I'm not actually going to cry" famous last words lol

[@rosemaryandink8675]

seeing how hard this book makes people cry, people who are more emotionally stable than me, is TERRIFYING

[@FfionGrant]

Same but now I wanna read it🤣

[@sophias9686]

Let me tell you, no other book has made me sob like A Little Life did. It was a very cleansing cry though

[@FfionGrant]

Sophia Sartorio might have to invest in buying it cause I haven’t cried in months lol 😂

[@sophias9686]

Ffion Sian Grant This may sound super strange but when I decided to read this book I was going through a rough patch and for some reason, reading a book that was SO sad actually made me feel better because it allowed me to focus my sadness and anxiety into these fictional characters instead of my own life. And once I finished the book (and sobbed my eyes out) i felt very “refreshed”. Idk if that made any sense. Basically what I’m trying to say is that it’s a very very powerful book.

[@ke.ennedy]

Sophia S why do I 100% understand what you’re saying

[@TheBane616]

What's scary is that part of the reason Hanya Yanagihara wrote the boom is she wanted to make a character who just never gets better and I think people forget that's a real part of life for many people.

[@paigehennigar6557]

yes exactly!!! and i think thats what a lot of people misunderstand about the book, they dont understand why it was written or why someone would purposefully write something so bleak and ends so hopelessly. Hanya wrote this book to explore trauma in a way that most people wouldnt but i firmly believe that the idea of someone who goes through so much and can't get better is worth exploring.

[@alejandravillanueva307]

I truly appreciate your final thoughts and how you try to encourage not to romanticize the recommendation of the book, cause it’s clearly triggering and heavy. It can hurt the sensibilities of many people, if you’re not ready. For me, it’s honestly one of best things I’ve read and I don’t regret reading it, i feel it added something to my life, like some sense of “courage” and care for my mental health and to truly appreciate the value of friendship, if that makes sense. I love how you said “It’s so beautifully written and that makes me upset”, and yas queen, you couldn’t gather my thoughts in a better way. Like... how something written so beautifully can make me feel so incredibly wrecked?? This book is strange, it’s almost like another world, and I’m both scared and mesmerized by it. Wow. The power of good writing.

[@erinbutler6658]

I love this comment and I totally agree!!

[@egrojarom3846]

Thats exactly it, I don't think there is another book out there that made me feel this way. I was so connected to everything I felt every single bit of pain and nothing in the fiction genre has been so real. Its truly impressive. The biggest thing I took from this book is to learn to trust the people who loves you. I often see myself pushing away people who tries to help me and this book opened my eyes, to let me see that Im capable of being loved and cared for. That Im worthy of love. Just as Jude was but he never got to see it.

[@BrookesBooks]

As someone who has never heard of this book before, these reactions are terrifying.. what kind of book is this omg

[@jamiemcq1520]

Girl you got a big storm coming 😂😂😭

[@exoxophanie4363]

Same, the reactions are so intense. I don’t know if I can handle this, even at 35 😂

[@jomeara75]

It deals with topics that are usually unspoken of. Things that happen every day that people rarely speak openly about.

[@JyotsnaS]

READ IT! IT IS MY BEST AND WORST BOOK AT THE SAME TIME

[@sadeenlol9736]

@@JyotsnaS is it based on a true story?

[@millyw.5140]

*me casually removing A Little Life from my Goodreads tbr like it’s just another day in the neighborhood*

[@simplyanisa5010]

i ordered it and im a 9th grader, dont know how im gunna survive it

[@sarahmcdonough7713]

@@simplyanisa5010 i dont know if you will listen to this, because at your age i really might not have either, but i really beg of you to reconsider reading it now. from the phrasing of your comment it sounds like youre excited for the challenge, i kind of had the same approach when i started. before reading it i was super intrigued because of descriptions of the experience, and the reactions i had seen people have to it, i kind of thought how bad can it be, and if it is bad, who doesnt enjoy a good cry every now and then? it feels good, its cathartic. but this book in my (and seemingly a lot of other peoples) opinion isnt just sad, it isnt just upsetting. its genuinely disturbing in a way that is not even close to appropriate for a 9th grader, or probably most high schoolers at all, to experience. this is not coming from the perspective that teenagers shouldnt be reading about "risqué" topics, even before your age i had read books about abuse, addiction, things that people would have said i "shouldnt be reading about." but those were more or less intended for, or appropriate for teenagers to read. they were young adult books about difficult topics, from which useful lessons could be picked up. but this book is not that. i genuinely believe it would be traumatising to a lot of people, with that proportion higher and higher as age is decreased, and even higher still if they had dealt with any of the literal dozens of upsetting and traumatising topics contained in it. so please please just dont read it yet. im not saying dont read it ever! but it is just not right for a teenager to read, not only because its so painful and disturbing, but also because you are just not at all in the right stage of life to appreciate it! it details the lives of the characters from their mid-20s all the way through to their 50s. i really think youll only be able to understand and appreciate that as an adult, even at 25 i feel i will probably understand it 100 times better if i reread it when i am in my 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s because frankly i barely feel like an adult myself, and i know that with life experience comes the ability to relate to this book more. that really wont be there at 14, i promise you. i love many things about this book, but i just dont think it has anything to offer a teenager, and beyond that i really think it has the potential to harm. im sorry to leave such an essay, i hope this doesnt sound condescending or anything, im just very long-winded. and its honestly scary hearing someone as young as 14 or 15 say they want to read such a dark book, one that like many other people here, i wouldnt even recommend to my mid-20s or older friends. please really think about it, and if youre unsure at all, just wait. youll really only appreciate it more the longer you do, as you grow and mature.

[@simplyanisa5010]

@@sarahmcdonough7713 Wow, i didnt realize that it was gonna be that bad. Well, thanks fot letting me know. Ive already ordered the book but im gonna give it to my mom. Thanks:)

[@sarahmcdonough7713]

@@simplyanisa5010 i didnt really either before i started. i had read all content warnings so i knew the things that would happen, and i knew it would be incredibly sad, but i definitely had not expected it to be as intense as it was. i think giving it to your mom is a good idea (tho do give her a fair warning as well, even my 50+ year old mom would be destroyed by this lmao) and one you definitely wont regret, especially if you end up picking up and liking the book later in life!

[@rishanroyxif7416]

@@sarahmcdonough7713 Hey, hope you are doing well. I just wanted to drop in and say I'm 15 and I was contemplating reading the book, because yk, the thrill of the challenge. but thank you for slapping me out of it, and many others, with gentle care. Thank you for making me reconsider and cancel my reading quest until much later in life. :)

[@kyra8138]

I was actually getting so concerned about your mental health as you were reading this book.

[@msky3529]

I have it on my shelf and I've been putting it off cause I'm in a terrible mental state AND I'm only 13 so yea but honestly I just want to feel something so I'll probaby read it soon

[@hayatjalifa2985]

@@msky3529 oh babe if you’re 13 I recommend you wait a couple years

[@msky3529]

@@hayatjalifa2985 youre right but the earth will probably be dead in a couple years plus i think I can handle it no thats a lie I can't but still

[@saturn9944]

@@msky3529 as a person who's read that book, it's worse than you think. The book does just get worse and worse and it's graphic as hell. If you're not in a stable mind. Do. Not. Read. I read about a person who actually attempted to end their life after they read it. That's.. the level of the book

[@soapyteethmcgee7324]

@@msky3529 Seriously look at the content warnings before you read this book. This isn't a book to be taken lightly and I know that I would be HORRIFIED if I saw a child reading it. Edit: I also agree with what @saturn says: if you know you're not in a stable place, don't read it. I made the mistake of reading it when I wasn't emotionally ready and let me tell you, it was not a good experience. ESPECIALLY if you're only 13. Trust us, wait on it. The book will still be here when you're older.

[@rozreallyreads]

i totally agree + you're the only booktuber who i've seen actually address it directly - i honestly feel like it's incredibly irresponsible to recommend this to anyone because of how manipulative and traumatic it is to read. yes, i'm glad i read it and if people tell me they want to read it because it's already on their radar i will tell them i did love it but i also find myself giving them a LOT of warnings about the content because despite people saying it's a hard read it's not just that, it's emotional manipulation on account of the author. so yeah, if anyone is reading this comment and really wants to read it, i say go for it but please please please be careful and consider ALL the content warnings (they're on goodreads) because i found myself incredibly triggered by some of the content in it and i have yet to be triggered by any other film or book i've read!

[@ryleeoquin1190]

I completely agree

[@emmamarie1119]

I told my friends “this is my favorite book of all time and I never want any of you to read it”

[@luciataylor8068]

thank you for this, i was going to read it just because I wanted to know but I get triggered quite a lot and have my own unsafe mental health to focus on getting better instead of making myself worse. Thank you

[@hannahvigeant66]

Agreed! Did I love it? Yes. Would I recommend it? Not in a million years.

[@rozreallyreads]

@@luciataylor8068 i would say if content like that affects you then please don't read it because the experience would not be worth it - it really affected me & i'm never affected by stuff like that so please look after yourself

[@elishakenworthy1932]

When you said about feeling claustrophobic in your own skin cause of isolation, I FELT THAT!

[@AikiraBeats]

Same I've been feeling like that for a while

[@withbookshoney]

SAME HERE

[@aimeemckay4330]

My mum saw me sobbing multiple times reading this book. She tried to borrow it and I sort of pounced on it the way you would jump on a grenade to protect a loved one.

[@msky3529]

Is it really that bad though im in 7th grade and want to read it but im not sure if i should just because m mental health is fuc*ed right now

[@mukhtardesai2159]

@@msky3529 please please don't read this book if you are feeling even remotely upset mentally. Yes, it is that bad (search up the trigger warnings). I'm around your age and I found this book incredibly difficult to get through. Not only is it very lengthy, at a whopping 720 pages, but it has very very graphic depictions of rape upon rape or some other horrific type of trauma. I'd advise reading this when you're an adult, because it is extreamly disturbing and graphic and you should not be reading this in your mental state or at your age.

[@msky3529]

@@mukhtardesai2159 me who already ordered it😃 i can put it off a few more years or months

[@mukhtardesai2159]

@@msky3529 yup, that's a good idea. I read it at 16 and was still disturbed by it all. A good fourth of the book is just very graphic depictions of rape, child grooming, forced prostitution of a minor, self harm, suicide idealization, physical and verbal abuse of a disabled character. If you're depressed I would advise against reading this at all costs. I actually had nightmares about this book and I'm a few years older than you. I would never reccomend this book to anyone. You can look up what happens if you're really curious but let me tell you right now that this book has caused many people some mental and physical problems. And it's really just a bunch of pointless pain.

[@msky3529]

@@mukhtardesai2159 wow thats a lot thank you :)

[@moonsauce88]

At times I felt angry with Hanya like, “she writes so beautifully and she’s chosen to write something so ugly, why would she put something like this out into the world?”...but then I thought, is that like telling a talented artist they may only paint pretty things?

[@mmanyhandss]

i definitely agree wit your sentiment, but my personal issue with her writing these things was he disservice she does to the topics she covers if that makes sense??

[@anewrae]

@@mmanyhandss explain please. I’m almost done with the book

[@aarud8953]

@@mmanyhandss can you elaborate on that please??

[@mmanyhandss]

@@aarud8953 (spoilers and CW) I personally felt that her portrayal of Jude’s sexual abuse in particular was really strange. of course many people have more than one abuser, but by the time it got to the doctor I felt it had become dramatised to the point where it didn’t feel like it had been written to actually explore those themes, but rather just because it was another horrible thing to write about. I am a gay woman who has experienced sexual assault and severe mental health issues, and after reading what Hanya has to say about characters like Jude I just felt like all she wanted was to victimise people like me further because she saw us as tragic figures, rather than actually explore these themes in a way that didn’t diminish their darkness, but also didn’t seem to revel in them.

[@aarud8953]

@@mmanyhandss (warning for spoilers and CW, as well) I get what you mean by that and I guess I agree, to an extent. I'd say it's quite a complicated issue considering the unusual context (Jude being forced/not having much of a choice) to be a child prostitute. Regardless of that though, for me, if someone is simply adding these heavy topics for the sake of an awful thing happening to the mc, it's usually not well-represented or explored. (Those misrepresentations include stuff like graphic scenes of the sexual assault and unnecessary gruesome details we do not need to know/aren't mentioned again, all for the sake of making us uncomfortable and sorry.) I honestly didn't feel like that was the case with this book, though. I finished A Little Life fairly recently so the memories of the book are pretty fresh in my mind. At some point when reading about everything following Jude and Brother Luke running away together, I did feel like the author may have just put it there as a generic thing to pity (as u said). But I snatched that thought back soon after reading and reflecting on how Jude's only 2 sexual relationships as an adult was written, his thoughts, his interactions, and everything regarding his past. It was never simply swept under the rug or a thing he just 'got over'. Hanya went on to elaborate on the tremendous impact it still had on him: the constant haunting thoughts referring back to what happened, how anxious he was about being close to Harold after Brother Luke (+ constantly thinking he's gonna assault him at some point including the nightmare), his discomfort with sex (even with Willem) no matter how much they waited for him to be okay with it (to the point where Willem had sexual relations with others). Also, JB abruptly kissing him that one time was the thing that felt like triggered his 'outburst' if I can call it that. To me, it felt carefully crafted and thought out. Especially for exploring how trauma can manifest in people. (e.g. how some sexual assault survivors can end up hypersexual, refrain from sex completely, etc.) I guess its a matter of how you view it because, as someone who has had-and is still having-a really hard time coming to terms with being assaulted as a child, the way it was executed didn't feel like some pitiful plot for sympathy points but rather (multiple) horrible experience(s) that the mc constantly had a hard time grappling with. I honestly just doubt an author using sexual assault as 'another horrible thing to write' would go into this great detail on how untreated trauma interferes with your thoughts and interactions, how it eats away at you from the inside... all that jazz. If that even makes sense, hope it does. It's like 1am and finally 2022, I'm sorry if I word vomited lmao

[@-chammy-2645]

Noelle crying: mY sWeEt LitTle pETuNiaS

[@gweneverecaouette1609]

When you cried my dog was very concern for you and was trying to find you to comfort you.

[@NoelleGallagher]

🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

[@emilywild21]

I think you should do a "Read this, Not that" type video. Obvious example here: book recommendations for those of us who want to read gripping, emotional, challenging but as you said "A Little Life" may cause trauma, be triggering or simply be inappropriate as a overall recommendation. Also, as a person who is currently attending graduate school to become a therapist, I appreciate your recognition of the problematic nature of the book community pushing this particular book. I always enjoy your recognition of various issues as well, you are mindful as a creator and it is a large part of why I love your content so much!

[@wildberry752]

Are you related to Harvey

[@emilywild21]

@@wildberry752 Nope. Weinstein is actually a pretty common name.

[@wildberry752]

@@emilywild21 ok

[@sarahw5693]

I'd recommend The Great Believers by Rebecca Makkai as a good alternative for an emotional read without the triggering/traumatic content.

[@Lia-ll3ou]

Im so intimidated by this Book but also intrigued 😫

[@AikiraBeats]

Right like I may not pick it up

[@jilliamdelacruz1481]

Same

[@sasha2924]

i read it ...twice... i did not cry ( sumn clearly wrong with me lol ) but man, did it emotionally scar me! if you're one to feel things beyond, or get emotionally triggered easily, i suggest you not read it ... '-'

[@kaitlanlouviere9963]

Same!! I want to read it mainly to find out why people get so emotional while reading it, but I also feel like I need to time it right I allow myself to go through the emotions.

[@trinityaziah9488]

SAME, i bought the book a week ago and i want to read but i’m so intimidated by it

[@strawbemmy]

im glad someone pointed out how detrimental and almost...wrong? it can be to glorify the experience of reading this book (and books like it). it just feels icky to me to be like "omg you have to read this book it absolutely ruined me and shattered my heart haha!!"

[@tigglesrandom]

why did you calling us your sweet little turtle doves make me tear up 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

[@MandaLynReads]

the bonding over the pain you spoke about reminded me of in college when people would "brag" about how little sleep they got, like why is this a good thing?

[@BrokenGodEnt]

I don't think it's bragging about sleeping so little, but rather saying "I am still able to slightly function after only sleeping 2 hours! Look at me go!" There are of course different reasons though. Some people would get angry at others for complaining about being exhausted, while having slept a full night. And someone else would chime in with a "dude I literally only slept 2 hours" in a way that was basically saying "I guarantee I'm more tired than you, stop complaining." I used to do the same thing when I worked at Subway and was showing up to work hungover a lot. I'd mention being really hungover several times in amazement at myself for being able to function properly, but also to let people know "hey, sorry I'm not 100%, but please don't get mad if I'm slower or less attentive than usual."

[@megjshark]

not me tearing up just watching this without even having read the book.....

[@strawbself]

same

[@celiananaze]

omg same lol

[@meghareads9228]

I’m glad you highlighted that this book is a lot more than what a lot of people make it out to be, perhaps if I ever pick it up in the future I will be more cautious considering my own mental state going into it and such

[@marrabowens5208]

This book ruined me, and I immediately sent it to my sister. She's now reading it and, I am not ready for the conversation (mostly due to having to think about it more) that we will have.

[@bookishnatie9614]

I am going to read it also. I can't cry in books.

[@NoaJasmine]

ABSOLUTELY! it was my favorite book of 2019. i cried all over the city reading this and i STILL think about Jude

[@sadeenlol9736]

is it based on a true story?

[@idi0klyncratic436]

@@sadeenlol9736 it’s not.

[@ABilySecretly]

Same feelings here , I gave this book to my sister and after she read it she wasn't ruined, sad, disturbed of anything. She said though it was not her cup of tea!

[@sydmark7313]

People REALLY need to address the trigger warnings prior to recommending this book, it HURTS and really could damage people that deal with similar issues that are addressed in it.

[@frankiebaxter2590]

I really like how you spoke about why people feel the need to have so many other people read this and like, share the pain. like seeing you upset hurt me. I felt the same watching Kat's vlog. it hurts to see other people so upset! over this book! as someone who has experienced trauma - it really needs to be said more just about how traumatising the content actually is. you hit the nail right on the head. this isn't just a fun read to have a good cry and then be done. this is heavy stuff. this is A LOT for A LOT of people.

[@withbookshoney]

I think what you’re describe right here, Frankie, is true empathy, and not the collective attitude that “hey I’m f’d up mental case, here’s all my trauma, let’s laugh about it because I can’t deal with it, now you have to feel it too, so you like get it, right? Right.” That is an undercurrent of our culture, when talking about trauma. I think it’s concerning that expressing trauma so easily is how trauma bonding happens. And with a book that’s caused people pain, I would imagine, that’s exactly what’s being done. And it would be more...powerful and kind, to help people heal rather than just leave them with the baggage of pain without seeing it through the full process of healing. I think caring for the persons well being, here being noelle, over the emotional experience this book or story might give, is hugely important. A perfect TV show/Book example of this would also be 13 Reasons Why when it originally came out.

[@lazylaz2715]

This book absolutely destroyed me. I couldn’t put it down and when I wasn’t reading it I was thinking about picking it up again. It’s definitely the most impactful book I’ve ever read. One of my favorites for the beautiful writing and characters. I felt like I knew these guys. After I finished the book I spent the next few days watching interviews of the author to try and understand the process for writing this novel. I completely agree that this book is not for everyone and you gotta be in a good headspace to read this beast lol.

[@jaylin3331]

I think you mentioned something really important in this vlog and that was how we need to be careful when we recommend books to people. A Little Life was my book clubs botm for June and I had to skip it because I knew it wasn’t something I could handle right now. I think we need to be careful because books can have such a huge effect on mental health and we saw that in this vlog- you weren’t the same smiley Noelle towards the end of this video and it seemed like the book was affecting you in a lot of ways. Thank you for doing this video because it showed me that I need to stick to my gut, be careful in what I recommend to others, and be careful what I intake myself. ❤️

[@Persimmoney]

Exactly, I came into reading this book knowing it was "sad" but not realizing just how many trigger warnings readers need to be aware about before starting. For a month after I experienced terrible anxiety and I think this book really had something to do with it 🙃 (still gr8 don't get me wrong, but whoa.

[@jaylin3331]

LOLO woah intense! Are you doing okay now? I think I’ll definitely have to be in a certain headspace for this book plus rn w the state of the world I don’t think it’s something that would add anything to my life! But I do plan on reading it one day cos like you and Noelle have said - it is really well written and great!

[@justicerose23]

i completely agree with your thoughts at the end. when i first joined book twitter/booktube EVERYONE was talking about this book and i feel so pressured to read it. i knew that it covered some triggering topics but i was in no way prepared for the content within. i was extremely triggered and my mental health was so negatively impacted by it that i wasn’t myself for weeks afterwards. i did enjoy the writing and like you said i think it transcends fiction in the way that you really come to feel for the characters but i wish this wasn’t such a “booktube staple” if you will and i wish people would stop recommending it :/

[@rozreallyreads]

100% agree - i'm not triggered by any content in any other film/book i've ever seen/read but i was really affected by this book both mentally and physically :(

[@jaylenholman4026]

I was so scared that I wouldn’t cry either! I didn’t cry until “The Axiom of Equality” and then “Dear Comrade”. And dare I say it, I’m happy I cried. I didn’t know my cold dead heart could still do that.

[@chamster91]

Axiom of equality made me sob in the bath

[@chloep5058]

i don’t know how people who cried before the happy years survived. i didn’t until then, and it was earth shattering.

[@cam-es5xy]

we didn't

[@gabikaczmarek2826]

I started tearing up from the beginning with the bit with Felix and Jude as well as Heming. It is safe to say my weak ass heart could not cope when it came to Dear Comrade. I was bawling for days after I finished this book and I still feel upset thinking about the book now (2 weeks from when I finished it)

[@montserratmartinez5520]

Gabi Kaczmarek same! I started crying since hemming and it just got worse from there. I still cry when thinking about it and I read it last December.

[@msannaclaire]

I don’t know what makes me more upset, seeing Noelle cry or watching Parker off in the distance not consoling her while she’s crying 😭😭

[@silja6838]

These reviews just cement the fact that I reeeally don’t want to read this book. My friend said that they had to dnf it because the pain was just so tramatizing and I’m not in a place to read stuff like that. So I really appreciate you saying that this shouldn’t be recommended easily to everyone ❤️ A popular athlete in my country recommended this book publicly and it sparked a huge interest in people to read it and I’m kind of scared that it got so much attention that people who normally don’t read much started reading this. It’s a good thing to get people reading but you really should know what you’re getting into when you read a book like this.

[@jillypepper_]

I cried watching you cry so much omg Also I’m glad at how honest you’re being about how it’s been peddled on the internet. I haven’t read it and I really appreciate this transparency because I don’t think I’m in the headspace to read it right now. Thank you!!!

[@strawbself]

i’m fully aware that i will never be able to read this novel. from the triggers alone (not just the ones in noelle’s description, but triggers on wikipedia, goodreads, etc) have informed me that i have endured similar traumatizing experiences as jude. it would only harm me and possibly push me to hurting myself to be exposed to such triggering material that is also incredibly personal to me. when i asked my friends awhile back if any of them had read this book, only one of them had and they told me they wished no one would read the book.

[@yoonwin2298]

It’s the “my sweet angels” for me. Just melted down and teary

[@SydneeyRenee]

I read this book in January and I STILL get choked up when I think about it too much. Feel like those characters are real man 😞😞

[@eirinjensen]

I read this in April and haven’t read a book since Cos I’m still just traumatized. I literally still think about it every day.

[@alexisp6755]

I want to read this book but I am scared. I have seen the -multiple- trigger warnings for this book and I don't know if I am prepared no matter how much I try to prepare myself. Also, knowing the trigger warnings... I have faced some things that are mentioned whether it was me facing those things or having friends face those things and I feel like that is what will ruin me. It being relatable and therefore, that much more painful.

[@samuelm2989]

@@alexisp6755 I've gone through therapy and been undiagnosed with PTSD and everything and that book brought me back. It was HORRIBLE. it's the most triggering book I've read, so dont read it if you know cant handle the topics. I doesnt sugarcoat anything

[@alexisp6755]

@@samuelm2989 wow... I'm truly so sorry to hear that. Thank you for replying and giving your opinion, I appreciate it. Sending love and good vibes to you

[@samuelm2989]

@@alexisp6755 yeah after thr trigger I was detached for the rest of the book but it wasnt enjoyable, now I'm fine obviously. I dont want you to be triggered as well♡ I dont think I realized to which extent it would describe things. Sending you love as well, be safe

[@eirinjensen]

@@alexisp6755 yeah i wouldnt read it then! yes its a good book, but its not worth triggering yourself over. I still havent been able to pick up a book since i read it. And I dont even have specific triggers related to anything in the book.

[@emilydunn163]

Did it hurt anyone else’s soul seeing Noelle cry 🥺 Her sweet little heart 💜

[@ECA-14]

I feel like I’ve heard so much about this book but not much other than “it will make you cry.” I’m so glad for your honest review. I always feel silly saying it but I’m an empath. A news headline or a beautiful song is enough to send me into tears on and off for the rest of the day. I was considering reading this book but now I’m thinking if I do, it could be really scarring for me.

[@egrojarom3846]

Thats exactly it, I don't think there is another book out there that made me feel this way. I was so connected to everything I felt every single bit of pain and nothing in the fiction genre has been so real. Its truly impressive. The biggest thing I took from this book is to learn to trust the people who loves you. I often see myself pushing away people who tries to help me and this book opened my eyes, to let me see that Im capable of being loved and cared for. That Im worthy of love. Just as Jude was but he never got to see it.

[@Olivia-yy3mb]

I’ve been desperate to watch this since your insta stories your laugh was making me laugh 😂😚

[@oliviatunell9955]

Your reading vlogs are always my favorite💕

[@margaritakholopova4826]

omg Noelle I wasn't ready for this video, I was planning to read! probably read a chapter and then hurry to watch you cry over a book 💕

[@DanicaB]

I'm so early I didn't even need a notification. I'M SO READY FOR THIS VLOG

[@EmmaMattinen]

Weird as it sounds, Kat's "A Little Life vlog" is one of my favorite videos!

[@Julia-dc2jf]

your timing is so perfect! I was feeling down and now I have something to watch to keep my mind off of things☺️ Thank you

[@katebugster]

I’ve watched Kat’s A Little Life vlog no lie like six times I am sooooo ready to love this on that level omfg

[@aryannasantiago2436]

i could feel the pain when you were crying and it TRULY brought me back to when i first read this book

[@nanguaaa]

Throughout this entire reading vlog, I wanted to give you a big hug. I've been wanting to read A Little Life, but I don't like feeling sad. So, I've been putting off the book.

[@aprilb9755]

This reading vlog was wonderfully done and thank you for the “non-recommendation”. I feel like you hit the nail on the head with how people feel like they HAVE to read this book in order to fit in with certain corners of the book reading community. I, myself, have been going back and forth about whether or not to read it so I really appreciated your honesty 😊 I loved both yours and Kat’s videos. Also, LOVED your Hercules plates; hit me right in the nostalgia 😂 I had those plates and I am sad that I no longer have them 😂

[@hannahkraemer]

I love that your videos are so long that i can watch them in many small parts so its like you upload a few times a week which makes me really happy

[@nivs8881]

I read this book cause no book had ever made me tear up... This book made me bawl like a child

[@lainasketches6711]

“I do not recommend this to any” ..my numb ass adding to cart😬

[@idi0klyncratic436]

Oh, good luck.

[@abbybonilla2889]

just ordered it wish me luck

[@medoamr]

@@abbybonilla2889 good luck yall, i read this book in September 2020 and it literally destroyed me.

[@nataliemckennan9075]

I’m crying along with you right now. From the small and brief descriptions your giving, I just know exactly which part you are at and it is bring all the memories back. I really love this book with all my heart 💛

[@camille2586]

Duuuuuude this collab is crazy!! Congrats!! I already had a calendar reminder for her other restock today. You’re killing it, Noelle. And I’m so grateful you’re bringing other artists/friends Bay Area people to your platform.

[@egrojarom3846]

It took me like two weeks to read this book and I swear I was in such a mood those two weeks and I didn't connect the book to my mood till the end. When I finished I knew this was what had me depressed. I gave it 5 stars! Ill say its my favorite book, Ive never felt the feelings I felt with any other book I've read, its been more than a year since I read it and I still have the characters so alive in my head its impressive. SUCH a good read! Such a visceral experience. 10/10

[@roshma.j2200]

Ok, I cant stand seeing you cry. Sending you a virtual hug. This book is scary.

[@rach487]

GOD BLESS Noelle I needed this today! I am a teacher, and it’s the first day of online school... needless to say a distraction in the midst of today’s uncertainty is so so welcome!! I feel like your vlogs are like a video from a dear friend, thank you for your genuine nature!!!

[@friendlyneighborhoodcineph6814]

i feel like everything you said about asking ourselves why we love it and love to recommend it is extremely valid even though it’s my favorite book of all time! BECAUSE it’s my favorite book of all time actually i ask myself a lot why i still recommend and why it’s my favorite and i feel like it’s a great conversation starter! so weird though

[@Candlelb]

I literally just finished the book and now I’m rewarding myself by watching peoples reviews and read with me. I didn’t cry as much as I thought I would but I was still left with a deep empty feeling and I think this book will always stick with me.

[@kookoo9800]

The way I’m so emotionally sensitive that i started crying just because i saw and heard you crying and it hurt me too to not be able to comfort you

[@Blkandsapphicreads]

I’m so glad you put TW in the description and showed yourself crying because that let me know that I definitely wouldn’t be able to handle the things addressed in the book. So thank you so much for putting the TW and talking about how incredibly sad it is.

[@Justabackgroundgirl]

Since watching yours and Kats reading vlogs of this I've taken it off my TBR. I often find myself reading books that contain heavy topics in order to "teach myself something" but I don't always feel better for it. I think this will just sit with me uncomfortably for weeks, so I'd rather miss out on the beautiful writing and not sob for days on end

[@fredtravis530]

I agree with everything you’ve said here, this book is my favourite book of all time, but I am very careful when recommending it to people. I would only ever recommend it to close friends, and am sure to make them aware of the potential triggers. This book means the world to me, as I have struggled a lot with metal health in the past, and the raw and beautiful way that this story is told can’t help but make me fall in love with it. Totally agree with everything you said, great review, Noelle!😇

[@mmar9824]

i've been so excited for this vlog because 'a little life' is my favourite book. as i am re-reading it at the moment, for the third time (why oh why), i've realized how much this book talks about hope. like, we all know it's traumatizing. because it is. but the little sparkles of hope - that i didn't notice when i read it two times before - made me annotate the shit out of this novel and made me shift my perception of it completely. i understand where you are getting at with the recommendation and hype around this book. i've never really thought about it this way. thanks for opening my eyes, noelle. grief and trauma shouldn't be glorified in a way 'wow this made me cry, read it'.

[@annahernandez3690]

I think your comments on the final part of the video totally addressed why I've been procrastinating reading this book for years since I've never felt in enough of a good place emotionally to be able to endure it properly!

[@artalaicane5611]

This is the first video of yours that i have seen and i must say you seem like a delightful person with a gentle caring soul. The way you talk makes me feel like im talking to a friend. Today i finished this book and if i were to ever recommend this book I would insist on people looking up the TW of it and truly taking them in and only then if they feel ready to take the blow to pick it up. Thank you for emphasising that its not for everyone:) i cant wait to see other videos that you have created

[@forgetthese]

Haven't read the book, but I got teary eyed almost every time you did!!!!!

[@asmazavahir]

i’ve been waiting too long for this😭💗

[@Alice-pf3tu]

After seeing your story updates last week I have been eagerly awaiting this reading vlog. I haven't read A Little Life but honestly after watching this video (and Kat's) it feels like I have... please continue calling us your sweet little turtle doves, it makes me feel things :)

[@jasminewestover7068]

I’m actually loving your channel! Thanks for cheering me up during lockdown, whilst waiting for exam results... ❤️💕💚

[@guppy8073]

HDHSHD THE EDITING IN THE BEGINNING THIS IS ALREADY SO GOOD

[@courtgarris1396]

Your thoughts at the end about recommending this book are so right on. I have not ever recommended this book to anyone. When someone tells me that they are going to read it I always say, "gear up cuz this is gonna hurt." I know people that could not and should not ever read this. This book could be exponentially harmful to someone in the wrong mindset. That being said, I did love the book for the very reason you said.....that the characters don't feel like fiction, like Jude really exists. Thank you for vlogging your experience as it is a very very emotional one.

[@capuletbooks4685]

your reading vlogs are so much funnnn ❤️ i love themmm!

[@mirandaturnbull6141]

Wow, the emotions that accompanied this vlog before I read this book vs after 😭😭😭😭 I cried with you at every part after re-watching this vlog when I’ve actually read the book. Wow, this book impacted me so much. Best book I’ve ever read. Wrecked me, yes, but I can’t explain how much I loved it. I need to re-read it soon. Forcing myself to read the huge pile of books on my TBR rather than reading a little life over and over and over.

[@gr8uploader123]

omg omg noelle literally read this book a few days ago and was wondering how come i've never heard you talk about it because you take kat's suggestions so seriously haha so glad you finally read it!!

[@clairereichle3011]

When you’re reading/crying on the bed and Parker is just sitting on the other side of the bed I’m like Parker GO COMFORT HER!!

[@margaridaferreira8029]

If he is anything like my fiancé, maybe she prefers him to NOT do it 😅

[@emmalouise88]

For *years* I've um'd and ah'd about picking this up and have been left feeling like I've missed out on some shared experience having not read it. But after hearing you say that not everyone _should_ read this book and that it won't be healthy for a majority of people you've truly made me feel as though I've made the right choice in not picking it up. Thank you ❤

[@shamma-924]

OMG SAME! I've watched kat's vlog like 4 times and Idk why! Maybe it's the peek of vulnerability we get to see from a strong person and that makes us feel more relatable

[@jadegln1456]

I finished this book like a week ago and surprisingly I didn’t cry not even a little bit. I’m such a sensitive person and I know the story is really sad so I don’t know why it didn’t made me cry and I’m sooo disappointed ☹️

[@christinadallas1085]

The exact same thing!!!!! I was expecting such a sob fest and not a thing.

[@VivaLaLillie]

I know people who found it so traumatic that they just numbed out and couldn't even process how horrific and heartbreaking the story was!!

[@annabrennan705]

I also didn't cry and it honestly made me feel bad that I didn't, it made me feel like a bad person or sum'n.

[@marycalderon9363]

I almost cried, but then it just got to be too much. It was over the top with Jude’s misfortune that the story lost me. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[@amyshinshiro]

Same thing happened to me. So many people cried reading this book, and being a super sensitive person, i thought I’d be sobbing. Of course it was heavy, but maybe I just will never be able to fully relate to this story since Jude’s life was so insanely sad and extreme. When I would read the sad parts, I took them for what they were but they didn’t yield that physical response from me. Am I broken? Lol

[@nataliepolito7150]

Definitely after watching this. I’m not ready to read this in 2020. Nope. Maybe 2021. But already cried too much this year! 🙃

[@victoriaconn6976]

I’m a minute in and seeing clips of you sobbing made me tear up! 😭💛

[@chiaratommasi6684]

omg i’m so overwhelmed by her beauty whaaaat

[@s.1469]

My favorite book. I equally want people to feel the love and life of this book, and NEVER want anyone to feel the anongizing pain I felt reading this.

[@cam-es5xy]

I literally cried watching you cry. This book is a lot :(

[@brunettecrush7]

Love your book content - and also here to say your eyeliner is looking lovely ✨

[@JayleePlanz]

This has literally been the best book review I’ve seen. Thank you so much for being honest and letting people know and understand that it’s not for everyone to read.

[@localabsurdist6661]

I didn’t cry until the very last part. The book made me feel numb and I didn’t have any reaction while reading it because it was too much. I had to take a break and when I came back a few weeks later and read the last hundred pages all the feelings hit at once.

[@dd23148]

I don’t care what anyone says Jersey Shore is incredible

[@Zazaria96]

oh my god, your eyeliner looks incredible!

[@aylab2409]

i’m so glad that you mentioned that no one should feel fomo about not reading this book... i’m sixteen and have been told countless amount of times to read this book because its “so good” and “so sad” but i haven’t picked it up because i worry that it’ll take a toll on my mental health. so thank you for being real with us about everything this book made you feel, i really appreciate it. ❤️

[@sagekay]

This is so nice to watch your final thoughts on this because this is the first time I’ve ever hesitated on reading this book. I LOVE books that make me feel extreme emotions so when booktube/ the book community introduced me to the idea of A Little Life, I was like “heck yeah let’s do it”. But this is the first time the final thoughts on this novel made me hesitant to read it. There IS a sort of cult mentality when it comes to this book (but also a lot of really popular books in general) in this community and with something that is so hard hitting, it seems weird to recommend this book to *everyone*. Someone who is struggling right now shouldn’t be reading a horribly sad book. Seems weird that a community that’s usually really good with giving trigger warnings doesn’t talk about this painful reading experiences something that IS triggering to people.

[@ibreatheglitterr]

I think that people want to bond over this book precisely because of the emotional reaction they have to it because discussing something that completely wrecked you results in a completely different collective reading experience.

[@courtgarris1396]

This book killed my heart and in the beginning when you flashed forward I almost spit out my coffee. I loved Kat's vlog so much and I read it not long after her. That print is beautiful I have to have one.

[@augbrad]

Love this video!! I really agree with your end point, this book is not one to just pick up/recommend without thought. Seriously have never cried so much over a book and am still not over what happened.

[@Malobii]

i told myself when i read it that i would never recommend it to anyone as i feel like it is so heavy and emotionally taxing that it is something you should find out about and decide to read for yourself. it’s crazy that people would want someone else to go through such emotional trauma because that is literally what it is. i personally loved it (wish i read it at a different time lol) but it’s so weird how people are about it. it’s like why do you want another person to feel such lol

[@rubytaylor2093]

Aghh I normally love books that make me feel things really intensely but this seems really overwhelming

[@jackie5103]

This book has become an absolute favorite. It tore me to pieces but the underlying story is so beautiful. I will defend it and protect it forever

[@kaileegirl1785]

I am so touched by this, Noelle. Watching the time lapse of you just turning page after page and crying your little eyes out! You poor thing! I want to give you a hug. I hope you're okay now, since this was awhile ago, but I also want to thank you for being honest and genuine and open about your feelings on this book. I appreciate your warning not to read A Little Life while in a fragile or unhappy state, or if you're especially sensitive. I came close to impulse buying this book because I saw it as a challenge, but with everything going on I absolutely admit that I couldn't have handled it. It probably would've hurt me and my mental health immensely if I'm being honest. A lot of people have made this book feel like a must-read.