Recognizing the Narcissist As the Real Abuser by Lise Leblanc

[@kristiaankristiaan5278]

When you start taking screen shots of conversations and sneakily recording conversations to remind yourself later that you're not crazy, that's one gigantic red flag right there. I've finally gone no contact, it's been so hard, yet I cannot describe the peace I have now. It's like I was finally able to shake off the giant mosquito that was sucking my blood for the last two years. I knew within the first three months that something was seriously wrong with this person, yet by the end she had completely turned the tables on me and had me questioning my own sanity. When I finally thought I could see things clearly, she would become the sweetest, most caring, fun, sexy, etc. version of herself. She could keep that up for weeks on end. As soon as I said, fine, let's try again, often the very same day, the games would start, there would be a drastic change in her demeanour, she would become cold, harsh, very negative, sometimes she would develop some medical issue, she withdrew her effection, would manufacture some drama where I misstepped so badly she would have to "take a step back", and so forth. These people will literally kill you, I've never been so confused and so depressed in my life. You're kiving in constant trauma. It's abuse, plain and simple. So glad I finally got the courage together to cut ties completely, because I had nothing left towards the end, I can totally see people staying in situations like this forever as they totally lose any means of steering their own lives.

[@cliffy6096]

So true I was with a covert just like this I would take screenshots as soon as she would send something because she was always in a habit of deleting her messages everytime we fought . The biggest red flag I gnored was her telling me her and her ex were no longer talking just to find out she blocked me on Facebook and created a new one I messaged him and he said they never broke up me and her went back and forth for a year and a half , people like this are parasites that live off of other people emotions.

[@kevincannon795]

You nailed it. Tell them what aspect of their behavior troubles you and bam. Next time you “invalidate” their feelings, which could literally be as simple as asking them why they feel that way. They will feel justified to begging pushing your buttons once again. It’s so toxic. Constantly compared to their exs. They’ll feel justified to give you the cold shoulder for an entire evening as they text every other person of the opposite sex that will give them the time of day to elicit jealousy from you. Then when that behavior bothers you and you confront them you’re controlling. It’s like wrong *Trump impression* I just want a girl who is going to talk about the things that bother her directly and not blame her deliberate button pushing on me. I know that her button pushing was deliberate because from the start of the relationship when something bothered me I articulated what bothered me and why. Got to a point where we were on the same page at least I thought. And then as soon as they feel justified they will commence the button pushing yet again. You’re left asking how is that someone who loves me can continually do things that hurt me? And if my requests of you are in fact controlling and I don’t see things that way then you should breakup with me. So you agree to my boundary I had set and then the next time I confront you for the same issue now I’m controlling. You didn’t say that the first time. Being gaslit. Is just the best. Especially when you genuinely care for this person who is doing it to you and you’re not masquerading control as care. You just want to see this person prosper. But they’re so busy victimized by life they can’t understand that if they’re so disappointed by where there life is. It’s incumbent upon them to do that. But they won’t they will just continue to complain. I remember when she finally took on a hobby that didn’t involve her phone. I would sit there just ecstatic that she was enjoying something separate from an electronic. Wouldn’t distract her or anything. But when I wanna do my hobby. It’s, “oh ok” like all the encouragement I give you, you give me non in return? I had to leave. She was clearly drowning in her past, and she had her hands around my throat. So I had to “abandon” her like everyone else even though I gave her the answers as to how we could be happy again and not arguing, but no. I thought she was caring about my feelings, as I cared about hers. She didn’t. By the end I knew that. And you can bet when I left I got “nobody ever understands me” well I understand her games now. I will not tolerate those games in the future. She punished me for daring to care about her and then played the victim when I ended things when that was the hardest choice I have ever made because I genuinely cared about her. I’d simply rather be alone than disrespected. She said to me, “enjoy your new gf” when I had gotten fed up I said I don’t have one, all you wanna do is fight and I’m sick of it. She used her son to guilt me for leaving too because she knew I loved him as well. It’s like don’t bring him into this he’s got nothing to do with the issue at hand the issue is between you and I. Then she gets her parents to convince me why she is in the right. It’s like your parents are divorced, they’re the last people I’m taking advice on what I should and shouldn’t tolerate in my relationships. Plus she claimed that her mother is a narcissist but I’m gonna take her advice? Honestly looking back it’s a big laugh. Like I did everything for her. Everything! I ask for her some intimacy after a month of none and I’m asking too much. She was gaslighting me into thinking I had bpd. It’s like at the moment I exhibit two of the traits fear of abandonment and emotional dysregulated. Which were both because of YOU! I’m fearing abandonment and emotionally dysregulated because of how you dangle the relationship in front of me like any moment you’re ready to walk out the door. That is triggered by the withholding of intimacy you have been doing and your sketchy phone behaviors. My jealousy isn’t coming from nowhere like yours was. Like it came to my attention that she was giving my coworkers dirty looks behind my back when she would hangout at work with me. Like my jealousy was justified yours came from nowhere. I never gave other girl’s attention in a flirtatious manner even when she did to other dudes. Made them feel like they mattered more than me. It’s like I thought we were partners but the only time you’ve smiled all evening is when you meet the guy at the event who you had been snapping didn’t even introduce me made me feel completely unimportant. And did foster resentment, no I did the mature thing and expressed how I felt. And told her why it was wrong. It’s just a constant cycle you never get to relax with these people. Ever. You’re never comfortable in the relationship even a little bit. Like it was her bday and on the way to the restaurant she has her phone hooked up to my CarPlay, then a text from her ex pops up. I look over and she’s been texting him all day. So now my mood is ruined because she knows I’m not okay with that shit. I recognize people have different beliefs about that but to me. If you’re texting your ex. Not the father of your child, a different ex, you’re cheating. That’s how I view it, it’s emotional cheating. I just want to meet a girl who genuinely cares about me. I want to press on into the future with a good woman by my side. That’s all I wanted and I gave her the chance to be that, knowing she had a promiscuous past. Because men shouldn’t care about women’s pasts right? I didn’t. I tried not to, but she was drowning in her past so I could I not care about it? Idk I’m tired.

[@Burningid99]

Very good description. Had to screenshot that one haha, it's like a play book.

[@ma3alimezo82]

​@kevincannon795 well done for having the strength to walk away. She will chew you to the bone. Then when she is the cause of u being chewed up she will compare you to other men and point out how inferior you are, indirectly of course. Ur lucky u don't have a kid with her. She abuses my kid to get reaction from me. Fighting in court to protect him right now.

[@stefanfeist9893]

My ex used to throw temper tantrums via text. Insult after Insult. Then she would quickly delete them. What I would give to read them again now!

[@nealmessier4675]

Yes. Reactive aggression. So relatable. They provoke you, then use your reactions against you. And take no blame for their obvious provocations. Maddening!!!

[@suncat991]

I dealt with this for 14 years. So grateful to be finally free of it all.

[@kidrosskidrossproductions2906]

It just blows my mind how they all do the same things to their victims… it really is like they all went to the same school … just blows my mind

[@yellowdayz1800]

Exactly

[@JB-nf2rp]

I can't thank you enough for these videos. I got married a year ago, and moved to her country. She changed dramatically the day after the wedding. We started fighting. The fighting continued until I had to leave for visa requirements four months later. The fighting continued long distance. Finally, I had the sense to simply stop fighting, and start paying attention to the dynamic. About a month ago, someone out of the blue mentioned that my wife might be a narcissist. I'd heard the term before, but that was about it. It's been a huge uphill learning curve since then- and I am finally starting to make some kind of sense of it all- the fog is lifting. I'm not entirely sure where things go from here with my wife, but at least I now have ground under my feet again. Thanks again! God bless!

[@alexanderm2702]

You can't change them, but they can change you. Then they move on to the next victim.

[@PeterAcrat]

🤔On the surface (as we've all been taught and 'conditioned'); this seems true. But in fact it is Not. Why? Because "they" (as is anything you observe and actively give your personal meaning to) are _only ever always YOUR Version_ of them - and that's where your true power lies (your application of meaning) ... don't EVER give it up to them, because you can NEVER CHANGE what you do not own. ✨Start with the limiting core beLIEfs they have driven to the surface from the depths of you (eg: the words and matched emotions used to describe yourself as they 'made' you feel: "_I'M_ nothing to them" or "_I'M_ insignificant/unimportant/don't matter" etc. THESE are the very buttons they press - for no other plausible reason than the time has come for you to grow by clearing them up. Perhaps this is the purpose of the narcissism uprise - to show us what we need to attend to in order for us to deeply align and integrate with our primary relationship; aka the one we each have with ourself. There within you will you find your true Value, and unshakable inner peace. Just do 'the inner work' as you feel inspired to. It's only ever always you, and thus all within your power to have be how you prefer.☮

[@I_Kan]

​@@PeterAcratThanks ❤

[@teresadvorak6145]

❤❤❤But, I can change me right into NO CONTACT with the narc!

[@jorgeluiscapiello414]

Happened to me. She called the police accusing me of gender violence. Ended up in jail. Ended up financially ruined. Ended up without my kids. She goes to church and takes communion every Sunday but has the devil inside.

[@RockonMarketingTV]

have a friend in something like this. sucks. hope you get the good things you deserve and the universe hands her some Justice for this. horrible, I've dealt with some of this myself

[@nicholecornes1915]

Omg I know

[@erikspen]

A tactic I've seen is they'll straw-man your boundaries (because rules don't apply to them), making you seem oppressive, whenever they violate them. Any long-winded attempts to rope them back into the reality of what the boundary actually means just provides opportunities for more fighting and escalation. Even if you convince them that the boundary is not oppressive whatsoever, you won't win long term. Instead, you'll walk away only remembering what a nightmare it was to enforce it. They walk away know exactly how to trigger you again.

[@mickcole2763]

Crazy how accurate this is. The jabbing over weeks until you eventually snap and shout back and suddenly the entire the situation flips on its head. Recording me after shouting at me for hours and telling me everything I said had a secret meaning I was thinking this or that But for it being completely out of the norm for me I'd of collapsed. Still not 100 4 years later. Horrid experience, having ASD makes reading people hard and I'm afraid of relationships now

[@MS3PT0]

I can relate, stay strong 💪

[@AynenMakino]

I think approaching reactive agression becomes especially tricky in a smear campaign as current culture struggles to differentiate between describing what is happening and victim blaming. And since in a smear campaign the person being smeared is already presumed to be the perpetrator, reactive anger becomes an especially effective tool for the narcissist to go "See, they're crazy!".

[@simontmn]

Mr Depp.

[@AynenMakino]

@@simontmn Interestingly, from accusation to trials to post-verdict, public perception of Depp and Heard has gone back and forth between them over time. This put both of them in that position at various times throughout. The amount of grace one is willing to show when they have the upper hand is an indicator to use in order to see who might be the most toxic between them. However, this isn't fool-proof.

[@simontmn]

@@AynenMakino I tended to go by what former partners said about them. With an abuser it's almost always a pattern

[@AynenMakino]

@@simontmn True, a pattern is a smart thing to look for. Something I also look for is this: Did all the involved have the resources they needed to not do bad things here? Was that ability ever given to them, and is it 'normal' for that to have happened? This gives leniency to people who, through no fault of their own, deal with a situation poorly but in the best way that they could have. It in no way supports them doing it again in the future, especially if you can make sure that this time they WILL have the tools to deal with that situation in a healthy way. But it does grant understanding for things that are out of their hands.

[@darrincoe4557]

I feel guilty for reacting, and believe that 2 wrongs don't make it right. I am living in reality of living with this behavior. My limits were pushed, and I am now getting help to heal and recover

[@Rick-lh3bm]

Yep you just described her and her past relationship’s exactly… again.. now I never punched a wall but her exs did and she had pictures. I on the other hand would simply disengage and walk away and ignore her. It drove her nuts! She even brought another man into the middle of our relationship and convinced him I had anger issues and she was a victim so he had the nerve to text me once after I walked away from her attacks… again….and tell me he didn’t want me talking to her anymore. After which she came crawling back and blamed it all on him for stepping out of bounds and telling me that she had nothing to do with it. I seriously feel like you have been reading my mail when you make these posts Lise.

[@gilbertrosa1627]

Wow that’s exactly what my soon to be ex wife does to me all the time,even when I try to sit down and talk like adults should do, and her being a flip artist is her craft

[@winter-qd4yw]

Respond, don’t react. You have control when you respond; it is also OK to take your time when responding. This advice comes from someone whose buttons were pushed repeatedly and who reacted. I did not understand this at the time and it was used against me.

[@I_Kan]

❤ great advice

[@othmane-mezian]

What is the difference?

[@Cantfindme3]

I understand where you’re coming from, but this isn’t the best advice for somebody who is currently going through it. It takes work to build the ability to respond and not react, to recognize when this is happening, and when you are around somebody who is capable of pushing you into this… it’s going to be pretty damn hard to learn that until you are around somebody who gives you grace while you learn

[@mine8009]

This describes the dynamics with me and my ex insanely well. She used to poke, and poke, and poke until I finally blew up, and the behavior escalated over years. I hated who I had become and who I was becoming, and it’s taken me nearly a year of counseling after a really severe incident where she escalated to hitting me, and I still am not back to baseline. Like yeah, to a lot of people the answer is to find ways to walk away, sometimes it’s not that simple. I’d try to leave during incidents in the past, try to create distance, and she’d follow, or she’d block the doors. When she’d do the latter, it’s kind of hard to get away because if you touch her, then she is definitely going to scream about physical abuse and you’re hosed (was going to be profane, but checked myself). Like, yes, you are responsible for how you react to things, there’s no lie in that. But it’s not so easy when you’ve been a verbal punching bag for years, and then you become a literal punching bag.

[@koyotekiller337]

same

[@RichieLawton-ny9bf]

Hundred percent this, I'd go to another room and actually have to barricade myself in to stop her from following me and continuing to verbally assault me, then when I finally blew up (I never touched her, usually the wall or door caught a nice jab) I was made out to be an absolute monster of violence, so unreal. And this is from someone who broke my nose after I confronted her about cheating on me with her ex.

[@carlthornton1831]

You're an expert in the field of narcissism. She used triggers in public that only i could know about... "Dogwhistle." unbelievable. Another tactic used was when she took a last minute trip with her girlfriend. She tagged me and another man in a text with ❤❤❤ attached, something that she hasn't done in awhile. Then she asked me if I noticed it? I said "No." I told her to "have a good time." She replied "Thanks you.." Meaning "He thanks you." I never reacted...

[@TopgunOD]

Good for you. You know it's time to let go when we start to catch on to their true colors.

[@simontmn]

My sister to me. My dad reliably takes her side. My mum was a Narcissist and he was the victim for decades. Now he pays it forward.

[@linzl3615]

Exactly! Like how I raised my voice to get my point across thatbhe was repeatedly crossing boundaries , he then starting yelling back and becoming verbally abusive,when called out he said well you know I don’t know when some one raises their voice at me or trigger me 🙄

[@Night7Crawler]

This was a really rough thing for me to come to terms with. He'd push me emotionally, grab me, threaten physical violence, scream an inch from my face, tell me I'm not allowed to leave him, and then call me crazy when I'd get upset with how he was treating me. Hed call me manipulative and an abuser and say he wouldve never got that angry if it werent for me. When I'd finally break down and cry, instead of speaking loudly and trying to defend myself, he'd turn it around and hug me and tell me he was there for me... That was the most confusing thing I've ever experienced. Purposely made me cry and then would try to comfort me only when I'd start crying.

[@I_Kan]

Yes My ex used to hug me after his physical and emotional BS the handful of times I did leave in the beginning he'd always send me cards to My mum's address with a small teddy bear saying how much he was sorry. As you mentioned it's so f-ked up when the person you love is both the abuser and after the one to also make everything feel ok and to help soothe us too 🙃

[@illyay1337]

Ugh, I just know my soon to be ex wife would watch this video and show it to me. We'd sit there together watching this, and she'd point at me as if I'm the one who does this and am the cause of all her behavior. Yet I'm the one who isn't allowed to ever walk away and get trapped in my office or bathroom by her for hours of exhausting arguments. What will happen if I walk away? I'll get accused of domestic violence for trying to push past her in the door way, or she'll stay in the office out of spite and start possibly breaking my things or trying to snoop on my devices, while I'm helpess to get her out of my room. Locking the door? No way, that's how doors in the house get broken and kicked in. Oh and the part of building a case against me. Recording my reactions to being stuck in her arguments she forces on me. So accurate. Wow.... And then I get accused of stone walling when I try to distance myself. So I get pulled right back in by not being distant and cold as if our relationship is back to normal.

[@yehudabarnett7575]

This was me and it was happening all the time. However I know my behavior was wrong. A person that is truly strong conquers their emotions and masters their behavior. Since leaving have blown up less and less and have begun to be my old self and mastering my emotions and not getting angry, using cbt and staying away from toxic behavior and situations. I never had this in any of my other relationships, and it has taken a good amount of time, therapy, and a lot of work to get back to near my old self

[@EricChanceStone]

Can women with BPD have NPD traits? I get mentally abused often. When I defend myself and lose my temper, she says I treat her like shit. I constantly walk on eggshells, but I'm always blamed, Always, She never takes any responsibility for instigating.

[@LiseLeblanc]

Yes, up to 40 percent of those with Borderline personality disorder also have NPD

[@LiseLeblanc]

This video explains the key differences between NPD and BPD: How To Tell A Female Covert Narcissist and Borderline kzbin.info/www/bejne/bYPdfIRpmdqpesk

[@matthunt7390]

Oh man, this feels all too familiar. Stay strong and God bless you all out there, and only you know the real truth of your life, and never let anyone dictate otherwise.

[@brigitte2217]

God bless you too 🙏 I'm still grieving like crazy after 12 months about my ex partner. He had adhd also. Was always so strong but more dead than alive now 😢

[@selfhelpjgg]

thank you Lise! This is insanely accurate. My ex would get into hour-long arguments, sometimes weekend long, over something that didn't even happen. She'd poke and poke and poke until I finally got so sick of it and would snap. She'd secretly record the fights to "prove how abusive I was". She'd do this once or twice a week at times. I'd start keeping track of the days she did this, and when I brought it to her attention, she acted like it wasn't the case. She'd then manipulate the conversation by leaving out extremely important key details. She'd boil down what I was upset about and make it seem like I was some controlling asshole; ie - I was hurt/upset she slept over at a guy friends house, and she'd respond with "you're upset that i have friends?!" (having sex with friend was a given, but that's another issue). thank you for all your help with this channel. You've helped me get my sanity back!

[@JackTillman-s2r]

All true. It has happen to me more times than I can count. Every time I'd blow my top, I would be reminded without fail, of how abusive and out of control I was/am. The information about building a case against you ,video recording, pictures, whatever, all true happen to me. I was pick up by law enforcement and carried to the local hospital for homicidal ideations. They held me for 16 days on the psych floor , if i'd shown any signs of aggressive behavior they were going to send me to the state mental hospital. I've never thought like that in my life, but how does one go about proving thoughts? It was, and still is a nightmare, hard to get over. Lise Leblanc, is spot on every time about this stuff, and the information helps me. Thank you for doing these videos, Jack T.

[@PeterAcrat]

✨Value yourself. First: Get out (wherever possible). Second: Evolve and grow - deal with your emotional hot-buttons (core limiting beliefs). They can not press a button you don't have on offer. Don't give your power away through blame. The REAL relationship is not with them: it is with your VERSION of them, and the old 'polarity programmed meanings' that are RIPE for change, which they are showing you that you have active. ☀Clear this stuff up, and they will have been of service to you in the only way darkness can serve. Your journey lies within. Go there. You got this. ✊

[@CWellthaGiant1]

Her voice is so soothing.

[@Speedie15]

It sure has been nice since I found your videos. Having someone talk you through a situation like this helped a great deal.

[@robertdemeter5793]

It's impossible to imagine how a person can be so useless in life and so unconscious/dark inside that they expend all their energy and time just to constantly provoke the person they claim to love.

[@Natalie82170]

I finally had enough and reactively abused my sister and described in vivid detail via email how/why she's a narcissist and the damage she's caused. The dumb part of me is hoping she'll change but she'll just punish the hell out of me and I'll kick myself for sending the email.

[@JAYSONGS]

VERY timely arrival for todays session. Finally making some headway with some steps towards ‘closure’. Thank you, as always, for your affirming words of wisdom. 🙏

[@chezlalonde]

I can so relate to this video. YOu nailed every single point. I don't know why, the Narc can take out the darkest side of someone. And then, yes, the Narc shows the world that how "Absusive" a normal person is. Load of BS.

[@KazuyaSnakeSK]

I love your videos, I usually don’t comment but I’m dealing with a person that has been this way. I thought something was wrong with me (she made me believe I was crazy) but seeing I’m not alone in this it has been a good eye opener, I left an stable 10 year old relationship for this person and I have never been more regretful about it till I started seeing all the red flags that weren’t there (thanks to the rose-colored glasses) I have the cops called on me, threats off all kind and everything in between, but knowing she was not ok makes me feel bad but also validate that I was just failing to my own interests (my mental health) I just hope she gets the help she needs because I tried so hard to be there for her, but she never really wanted to do it, she would blame everything else and all her trauma but herself, I was never enough but now I realize it wasn’t my job to help her all while she would lie and betray my trust in the process. Again, thanks for your valuable videos, I am a completely different person now and I am seeking for my own personal health and I hope she is too. But I can’t force her or anything all I can do is distance myself. It hurts but I just don’t want to out myself out there anymore for a person that doesn’t do good for me.

[@martinbeebe2571]

I wish I had access to this advice a couple of weeks ago

[@Reid.Anderson]

Reactive abusers fight with monsters, but beware that you, yourself, don’t also become a monster. Get out of the abyss! Get help! Thanks Lise!

[@maddyG7414]

Dealing with the constant critical nitpicking, the undermining of what you say, the passive aggressiveness. I tried to hold it together and approach the constant hostility in a kind manner but after they gaslit me and turned it around, I ended up caving and told them to stop taking their low self esteem out on me. Of course that only comforted them and convinced them that they weren’t the problem. I wish I hadn’t said it, and instead just left.

[@Ballpython77]

I was with a Covert woman for 15 years and in August 2023, I told her i wanted a divorce...January 2024, same day i caught covid, my mother decided to trigger me. for 46 years i've been abuse and blame i have a temper when i do not! ( I had 2 narcs on my back for 15 years, I had enough of abuse! )...I cut her off also of my life.

[@hitokirir.s2689]

Absolutely spot-on, and really appreciate how you narrow down the situation to place heads and tail on it, to define things for what they truly are. I myself had a similar situation in my hands, which had to drop everything in order to breathe and find peace. Thank you for sharing your advices, got my Like as usual! 😎👍

[@whitpfohl4819]

Absolutely crazy. This is so spit on.

[@aidanmohrman9493]

When you apply this advice to a relationship the actual root cause can be overlooked. For example, I would be in a bad mood or not talkative because of an unrelated issue bothering me. My girlfriend would get upset with me and walk out the door saying something manipulative after I wouldn’t snap out of my mood. She could get labeled as narcissistic in that situation, but the actual problem was me. Make sure you are puting your best effort into the situation in your relationship before you go blaming the other person. Constantly giving off bad energy at times when you should be loving and affectionate is going to ware the person down.

[@wmd40]

Thank you for admitting this. It's exactly what is happening with my boyfriend and I. He shuts down and lies by omission. He thinks this is not lying. He shows me no affection. And when I have tried to talk to him about it he gets so defensive and I can see he's upset and unhappy. I want him to be happy too! I can tell he's not happy and all he has to do is be open with me! But then as soon as I start getting frustrated and cry, he turns calm and starts acting like I'm crazy and he did nothing wrong and then it escalates to a huge blowout of emotions for me bc of his emotional neglect and passive aggressive abuse. Where he is focused on how I am acting in the current moment, or BS like who vacuumed yesterday, acting so calm and even DISGUSTED BY ME/MY FEELINGS

[@CoriNapier]

I’m dealing with legal issues and losing my job. My husband is using the charges telling me if I go back to him he’ll drop the charges. I’m hiding from him. This was the only way I was going to leave him. I would have stayed and just taken it for another 14 years.

[@whoopwoop_yeah]

Must SEE... This Video is Worth a 10* Rating THANK YOU 🙏 So MUCH This is One of THE BEST & Most Helpful Videos, It Gives REAL Advice To Help The Person Who Is Being Manipulated & Abused to Find & Identify So They Can Get Help to Fix Their 0WN Internal Underlying Trauma to Cause The Reactive Triggers & Hopefully REMOVING & PREVENTING YOUR Own Negitive Response from Continuing to Reoccur In Future & RELATIONSHIPS. 👍🏼

[@joelmccoy9969]

Let the Bill Burr video roll. This is what he is talking about. we have come to expect it.

[@neveragain733]

Yep, this is exactly what happened to me. I was never so insane within a relationship in my life. She had me totally unhinged. While i was having meltdowns she sat there quietly recording me. It took me awhile to realize why she always sat there silent while i was crazy. Low and behold she gained great empathy when she showed her family the videos. She always watched what she said to me via text. Most evil wretched woman ive ever met. And bam, just like that after i got rid of her shes in a bright shiny new relationship. Ironically she left her last relationship because she said he was violent and punched holes in the wall all the time. I felt it weird she stayed with him doing that. Now i know the truth. She has the audacity to tell me i was abusing her. Wth.

[@marnixdebaat1733]

All the time I was being stepped on my toes. Asking them calmly not to step on my toes made them step on it more fanaticly, being told that they could just step in my toes if they wanted to. Then when I show emotion (even slight irritation), that's when I'm made the monster of the town. Eventually I indeed became a monster because people saw me like that anyway

[@maragirl1658]

This is scarily accurate 😕

[@MS3PT0]

Thanks!

[@kelley4795]

My husband provokes me by letting me know he’s going to cheat on me and that it’s my fault because I previously threw him out of my house for cheating. Then he goes on about how wonderful this woman is. Once I start yelling and getting out of control he stays calm and tells me that I’m crazy, I’m sick, etc and he acts angry with me. Is the anger manipulation??? Does he know he’s doing this to make me angry?? He will tell me he loves me when he leaves to go see her, telling me to be on the phone with him while he drives to her house, then brings me home coffee and acts super nice. If I react to this he gets angry and tells me to stay next to him and stop making noise. This makes me triggered more

[@soleanna7]

I feel like this can happen while in a fight with a person with BPD too.

[@Sempath2023TechGuy]

Lise Thanks Again!

[@MS3PT0]

I discovered this by accident, I have been trying for decades to come to terms with my CFN partners. I have DPN now an my brain is scrambled. I am in therapy and now I have some answers to all of the questions. Thanks for your videos and I am a super supporter, and subscriber now!

[@LiseLeblanc]

Thank you soooo much for your support! I’m happy to hear that you are healing. I wish you all the best in your recovery 🙏

[@MS3PT0]

@LiseLeblanc I'm going through your excellent compilation of videos, you have unlocked this elusive mystery head games that were my life, healing and rebuilding. Thank you for your professionalism and advice.

[@Boblablabla]

I'm 63 and just beginning to understand the insidious dynamics of covert narcissism. This reactive abuse kills. The relationship between my father and brother led him to commit suicide. Since he and my mother are gone, he's tried that shit on me too.

[@jordanharkness]

How do you train a young child to apply these tactics? They are too young to understand what this type of abuse is let alone be equipped to recognize it and deal with it in real-time.

[@vitkomusic6624]

She would use threats with police to trigger my reactions when i would not react.

[@RockonMarketingTV]

very much right on. thanks for posting.

[@RockonMarketingTV]

At risk of sounding a bit out there from a conspiracy perspective, I want to post an important concern I have regarding this abuse being used not only in relationships but to manipulate and control families as a part of a larger community environment. In other words, some of the neighbors are flying monkeys as well. And some of the tactics are VERY well organized. I can't tell you how many times my car has been vandalized leaving stranded on route (patterns to this) to a place the family did not want me to go or trapping me in unpleasant conditions. important mail goes missing (in 3 different residences) at least twice would have made an escape path much easier , and more. All of this connectivity has created sometimes helpful security oversight and unfortunately aided in making gang stalking and abuse much easier. I've been in 3 environments now with family dysfunction that on some level was organized abuse with community chipping in as well. It can take gas lighting to a new level. if something goes missing and the gaslighter asked a neighbor for example to move or take something from the target, then they can honestly say they did not remove it from their night stand for example and yet the NARC will know it was removed all at once. I realize that if you do see Lise you don't know me from Adam as they say. lol. silly expression. But I am savant like picking up patterns and please note any incidents when a client mentions not only the narc abuser abuse incident but any mentions of abuse aided or performed by the community at large into consideration and I believe you will find that my experience is not an isolated one. Thanks for your articulate explanations of all of this. For many people going through this, it's so hard to explain to the outside world and your videos help the person going through feel understood and it helps their support people better understand the pain, frustration feeling trapped, and emotional exhaustion at times. Thank you.

[@occultcinema]

I told her of few instances of devaluation, belittling and neglect that they expressed going into my birthday. On top of all the yelling/rage. I gave them thier ring back. A package comes while im home alone... Day before my birthday... I looked... They brought a bracelet the same metals and stones as the engagement ring.... I panicked and put it to the side while i thought about it... When i got home they asked if i saw the package. Fear of rage, a spoiled birthday and deep shame for peaking i said no... They pretended to look for it for a hour, told me they got it for me to wear if i dont wantto/feel like wearing my ring, before telling me they knew i had it... There first thought when they didnt see the package was to go through my stuff. I did wrong... Hiding it and acting like i didnt find it.... But also.... Felt very much like a trap.

[@josephbeavers1034]

How do I hire this lady?

[@rostamr4096]

Thank you, Lisa. You are a god sent...and I am an atheist.

[@KL-zg7lu]

Aka as venting stress. When you belittle, emotionally abuse, psychologically abuse, neglect, physically abuse and exploit, you should probably expect and angry rant at some point. Just because they are smiling when they say it, doesn't make it not abuse. There's a reason why I background check everyone.

[@michaelg.5650]

However, a Narcissist can very easily, and Will always look to initiate reactive abuse because they’ve been been subjected tto reactive abuse by you. Of course, this is not usually the case at all or sometimes they’re reactive abuse toward you has nothing to do with anything you did, but because you’re the scapegoat or your success or inability to succomb to their tactics of control, you are considered a threat to them, causing them to react negatively toward you, and then provoking or triggering a negative reaction in return, they then play the victim. You have a conscious and the Narc does not, so you’ll feel bad for the negative response or Reaction to their intentional provoking, but they won’t. And this is a way they can seek yo gain power and control over you when you are apologetic/ sorry and express that. They hammer down on you after ab apology, which is why you should never apologize to a narcissist. They will only perceive it as a weakness and use it against you as well pit all of the blame and sense of wrong doing projected onto you, so that they don’t have to feel it or risk that narcissistic injury that Narcs are prone to experience from time to time when their targeted source becomes intolerant or defiant toward the Narc’s tactics. It’s a trap.

[@AnyaAnnika67]

My cyberstalker likes to perceive themselves (delusional) as an über logical & rationale person & provoked me to the point of insanity (literally the abuse & stalking went on for that long it triggered a manic episode & I was sectioned under the mental health act - luckily my psychiatrist believed me as to the route cause). Emotionally I was completely out of control & would never in my wildest dreams had behaved in the way I did if it wasn't for the perpetual abuse. I'm pre-morbidly a very stoic & pretty serious woman who is in fact very logical & rationale; in fact if you remove the psychopathy factor 2 traits (yup big traits) we're actually cognitively quite similar albeit he's bright but not as bright (I don't mean that in a big headed way it's just a fact) - after all psychopathy & intellect aren't correlated. As a mental health prof I work with people who have personality disorders & have done so for ten years; it just goes to show that intelligence, knowledge & insight are indeed not protective factors from these subhuman specimens - yes I said it, they're not human & I have zero degrees of empathy after what he put me & my family through. I'm sick of blaming myself for what happened to me; was I too nice, inadvertently flirtatious, asking for it as I had a pretty profile picture, did I poke the beast to much by challenging his intellect? I wandered why I've been exhausted since this happened; trauma can come out in all sorts of insidious ways. Luckily the stalking has stopped so the only way is up; I still feel his eyes burning on the back of my neck/feel like I'm being constantly watched but I know them feelings aren't rationale as I have no overt reasons to believe he's still tracking my every move. I think I'll feel much better when my phone contract is up shortly & I can change my number, my iCloud etc. I think EMDR will allow me to truly move on from this period of my life. If there's any good to come from this it's that it brought me & fiancé closer despite nearly destroying our relationship (we split for a brief while when I was in hospital) as I don't tend to deal with intimate emotions well, I never have, they've always made me feel deeply uncomfortable but I'm starting to open up more. The irony is this 'man' had left me isolated from friends, family & colleagues & when I was in hospital it was like (Stockholm syndrome would be more appropriate than trauma bonding) I thought that the person who'd caused me so much misery was the only person who could truly comfort me & was the only person I could truly confide in. Jes' he even called the hospital ward & I covered up for him saying it wasn't my stalker - I regret that now but I've come clean about it since. It horrifies me the extent to which some men can objectify women as simply empty vessels whose only utility is sexual/thrills they can get off on from the abuse - even more so than sexual gratification it all comes down to power & a feeding a fragile ego. I'm just glad that I don't perceive most men in a similar derogatory light indeed most people albeit there's shades of grey are decent moral human beings. Ps it was funny in the data mining stage that he was unable to ascertain that I was in a long term relationship & when that came to the service the 'nicey nice' persona quickly shifted after that. He then set about destroying my relationship by doing the overt stalking when my partner wasn't around such that my partner was dubious about what I was saying. It was like 'if I can't have you, no one else will.' I don't think there was an romantic inclinations there indeed he isn't capable of such feelings, I was merely a possession that he wasn't willing to give up. The irony is if he did collect any evidence of my meltdowns (which I did have) it would've been through illegal means as I never gave him my phone number or any personal contact details - he hacked my phone. I think I adopted the grey rock technique up until recently but realised it was doing me no favours as it was impacting on the level of intimacy I have with my fiancé & that level of detachment isn't healthy for anybody, jes' I even felt like I was becoming the female version of him. I still get glimpses of that anger & rage buried deep within now but I realise that's not me. At least I know I wouldn't fall for the ploy of me being the evil person he wanted me to believe I was now - fundamentally I'm nothing like him. He's an obsessional man (I think he's on the spectrum also) & really believes that everything I do, say, think, feel & write revolves around him; it just goes to show what a two dimensional perception they have of other people as opposed to appreciating them in all their complexity.

[@thevikingbeard89]

I'm finding myself figuring things out because of the discard. Feels like silent treatment. Was hot and cold. Loved me but now thinks it wasn't love. I wanted closure of what happened, get my stuff and maybe find harmony then she got mad I reached out yet later in the conversation offered money as a finder fee when I helped her so reach out if I need that. Wtf? Doesn't want to mend things, doesn't want harmony, doesn't want me around, but wanted to give me money? And after months of no contact have coffee and has held onto my stuff. My dad was teaching me this is one big control thing. She wants to date freelybut thinks we didnt have enough time, and wanted me to keep nurturing her yet when I brought up my needs or feelings it was goodbye time. Just hurtful and an emotional rollercoaster.

[@lpm7326]

Spot on

[@aliberkozderya3112]

Thank you for this great explanation. Unfortunately, the legal system where I live makes it so that female covert nacissists don't even need to resort to all this manipulation and provocation. Judges are instructed to not look for evidence. When a man is prosecuted, at best he has two weeks to prove his innocence, which he might be spending behind bars. Even if he has the best proof, they don't listen to him after the first two weeks. This makes me feel so powerless and worthless. I don't know how to deal with it. All therapists tell me is to not worry about it, as if I am worrying about being randomly struck by a meteor. It's the mentality where if a man is good, he doesn't have anything to worry about; if he has something to worry about, then he is not good. Having grown up with what I believe to be narcissistic parents and having a protective, emphatetic and agreeable personality -which female narcissists like to target- makes me feel like the danger is very real. Unlike the therapists I have dealt with, you consider the issue to be worthy of discussing in detail and you have my thanks for that. I'll consider using your resources to get help for a variety of problems I experience.

[@loraliecataldi1975]

So HELP me wrap my brain around this….When a dog gets repeatedly kicked to the point where the poor animal has no choice but to bite back IN SELF DEFENSE the onus is now on the assaulted animal to take some kind of ownership for its instinct to protect itself and fight back?? Or even take it a step further and now that abused animal is supposed to self reflect after its limbic system has been activated and its Amygdala has literally become so enlarged from having it activated so many times that the reaction becomes even more instant and compulsory yet how they are responding is in some way wrong or not the best way to respond. Or take it a step further, the dog now needs to be the one to apologize for its bad behavior when we all know that the perpetrator/provoker will only see this as a WIN and will never for a moment ever self reflect, take ownership for their part in it and make an apology. Even Dr. Ramani says it’s never good to apologize to the Narcissist as if this going to set an example for healthy interrelations but instead it gives the Narcissist a WIN and it emboldens them even further as they now feel validated in the abuse that was done in reactionary retaliation. The only real solution for someone is to get away from the perpetrator BUT this is not always possible. Certain circumstances can lend itself to making it next to impossible to escape and one can feel that their are being held captive. This was my situation, until I finally did leave with barely any financial cushion and if weren’t for this one family that took me under their wings I most certainly would’ve ended up on the streets in Los Angeles. Emotional and Psychological abuse don’t qualify for a stay at a domestic violence shelter and one had to officially be in the streets and homeless to qualify for a stay at a homeless shelter. I looked into all these option including group homes for women and even those arrangements cost too much for me. It took me years and 2 5150’s during the time I lived with my mother, the one that took place between 2014-2016 resulted in demolishing my entire 21 year self built clientele that was thriving until I lost everything including my brains executive functioning which was destroyed from having 30 bilateral shocks which didn’t even help me!!! My mental illness began at age 9 all due to the persistent passive aggressive forms of punishment and also her relentless provocations, when I would finally react she would tell me “go look at yourself long and hard in the mirror, for such a pretty girl you can get soooooo UGLY, and don’t come out of that took until you have thought long and hard about how you’re behaving”. I would go from anger and rage to instant self loathing, shame blaming myself and ultimately despising myself to the point where I wanted to die. I must’ve called those 1 800 help lines at least 4 times a week just to cry and vent and this went on for years until the present.

[@Аноним-щ3н]

Super nice.

[@metalassassin8841]

I'm quite non confrontational and I want peace... I can't say I ever get angry, like I can say I have godly patience... Unhealthy patience. Therefore by BPD "adventure". She would manage to anger me towards the end like nobody else... But all I would do was raise my tone... But during this disgusting experience I've learned wtf panic attacks are...Rather early, when she was dumping me 3 times a day.... Stay away from these monsters. They will do their best to destroy you. Especially during the discard when they paint you as the devil himself. Who you love NEVER existed, it was a mirror, they are empty vampires. Idgaf about their traumas, we all have traumas, but the evil shit they do it's on THEM.

[@PolymerJones]

My bpd ex did this a lot

[@AlexRyan]

Re: #5: Document Incidents: 10 years have passed. But I still have security cameras everywhere to capture the evidence I wish I had captured to prove my innocence back then.

[@Aotearoa.]

Good video 👍

[@Thedisgardedoptimist]

At least I can be happy that I didn't do anything physical..My reactive aggression was more like a reactive reaction, like "Hey! I'm on your side"! Still, I didn't like having to defend my honor or integrity with her, for her, how screwed up is that.and most of the time I didn't react at all...what the hell, it was all backwards and weird so why not the occasional blown gasket as well, goes with the territory...

[@stevesteve8508]

Exactly to T what she’s doing to me now and then calling the police and recording me after provoking me

[@mikesmith6594]

My father loves provoking me in his one sided relationship with him he brings the worse out in me. I don't trust a damn thing he says because all he does gaslight, triangulate, bully, push me around, make me feel like I'm constantly walking on eggshells been told I'm crazy or paranoid or just imagining things. Also hear don't things so personal or why are you so sensitive or you're just too sensitive or stop being so clingy or stop wearing your heart on your sleeves etc.

[@dirkdil8268]

The main reason they do this is self regulation. Aggressive behaviour elicits an aggressive response. The aggression in the response is a transference of negative content in a perfectionist's mind onto a hapless target. The perfectionist has to get rid of the badness and the target is hapless because he doesn't see what's going on. With the aggression comes shame. But to the narcissist the target is only valuable as a target for regulating. The target's feelings are of no concern, that would require empathy. The narcissist remembers what is convenient. If later this outrage suits the purpose in divorce proceedings or social self promotion it will be brought up. Otherwise it is best not talked about. The target does well to see that their suffering is of no consequence to the abuser. Not even as a satisfaction to the abuser or a motivation for the abuse. The target is irrelevant other than for functional convenience to the abuser. This hurts.

[@robertvernon789]

I’m here.

[@jamesp5301]

So why I know I have issues, including anger its the part where the other party doesn't recognize their part in the dynamic. I'm not always sure it is narcissism or whether women have been trained by pop culture and feminism to devalue men but its very narcissistic

[@emmarae4322]

Okay, victim. Lol.😂

[@I_Kan]

OMG sounds like my Ex but he would change his tactics.He first flipped and physically hurt me by slamming my head into a wall yhe first time that happened i was so confused, i didn't react other than crying and later leaving. He blamed me saying i made him hurt me because i smiked a joint and i belived him later the physical abuse started becoming more regular so much so all the arguments became rolled into one. He'd sometimes not hurt me but started ripping my clothes up and trashing my apartment's, he punched a holr through my mum's doir when i briefly moved back in with her. By that time he was mixing trashing my flat with name calling and belittling and well as the odd occasion physical abuse. Although he wasn't hurting me physically as much as before i now think that's because he realised the belittling, name calling and saying i was just like my dad got him the reaction he wanted. I then started physically attacking him back, I had become out of control and started questioning if i was indeed crazy and needed sectioning. By then he'd stopped physically hurting me all together as he'd found a sure way of getting a reaction out of me. Hed start calling me all sorts of names while i sat there rocking trying to self soothe, then he'd say it your just like your farther look at you rocking you're crazy. I stand up and start attacking him everytime, i used to grind my teeth every night. 7-8 years after that relationship, while i was dating someone who didn't abuse me he did cheat on me all the time it was then i realised i needed help/therapy for things i went through in my previous relationship and thsyt i had at that time picked up bad habits that i brought into my next relationship. Although he was a cheater he didn't deserve the coping/ reaction mechanisms I'd picked up from my previous relationship. The last 4 years with the ex that cheated was drama free on my part i stopped reacting to him cheating as i realised i had two options stay with a cheater or walk away not to bring my past traumas into this relationship. Stupidly i stayed for another 4 year but he stopped cheating in the last two years together although the therapy worked on my learned behaviour I still had work to do on learning to love myself by not putting up with cheater. I tolerate less now than before but i still have work to do, i think everyone does in one way or another. It's a life long journey of becoming better, changing and self reflection. I sometimes fall of track by destructive coping mechanisms such as drink, drugs, over eating or whatever when major things happen but being strong enough to stop and make changes to any destructive behaviour such as reaction abuse, drugs, drink, over eating etc is what matters while addressing any fears and outdated beliefs It was a hard pill to swallow but i got the help and changed 😊 The only times I've had to get physical since then was twice once just under a year ago when a girl grabbed my hair and started attacking me while i was sat at a get together and another time when my old neighbour started sending someone round to mine trying to regularly open my front door trying to get inside my apartment while i was alone, i didn't know if they wanted to get in to hurt me or scare me but that got my back up after going through so much earlier on in life i don't take kindly to lowlife scumbag neighbours that enjoy trying to enter alone female apartments. Glad im finally away from that council estate it has too many people who need help but enjoy living that way.

[@AG-vp1ok]

Lise, thank you so much for this. Is it still reactive aggressive if the narcissist isn't necessarily trying to get a reaction, but you still react to their abuse? Or does the term only apply if the narcissist was trying to get a reaction? Thank you!

[@SpragginsDesigns]

This is why i always record audio in my house

[@Ronaldoway-b6s]

I just want to be alone forever but they drowned me of everything

[@Street_Punisher]

You are great 👍

[@flight0attendant]

My partner got me really good. 3 months ago we had a fight he didn’t talk to me for a solid week I thought he was cheating so I had done something similar I was honest with him for 3 months I was treated like a bad person. Well out of no where he decided to take a month vacation without telling me where when he got back he demanded I give him information before he gave me information I found out he meet someone in Chicago months back went on vacation with him to port a Rico and also just got back from travelling in Japan. Love bombing happened right away he was telling me he forgave me for what I did expected me to forgive him right away I was Over by this time when I would tell him I need space I need time to process what he did I was reminded of the bad thing I had done 3 months ago. The fight became physical which he’s bigger then me he had me down on the ground right away well I was arrested for hitting him first. Now I’m not allowed back to the home I can’t get my things he has my dogs he won’t even let me take my car because is has both our names on title and insurance.

[@sreach93]

Two examples, Johnny Depp's ex and Mel Gibson's ex. Both of whom recorded negative reactions while they stayed unusually cool calm and collected and why not ? They knew their recordings were going to be heard by others.

[@loraliecataldi1975]

I’m not sure it’s possible to not react after decades of having your amygdala activated to the point that it has become enlarged, how does the animal that gets kicked not react?? In other words the only way is to get away but this isn’t always possible if circumstances are such that you are trapped and held captive.

[@Medietos]

The weakening ways/tactics they use, which you describe, ihas been don e by all sorts of non.NPD people. Even if one tolerates that abuse on the outside, there are health costs of vitaloity, organ functions and pstchical health, balance, integrity etc, and theb reactions may come after wards when alone. The disguising of symptoms is a part of the problem: Co-dependncy, to not make what could be seen as a fuss, to not have needs, and not show weakness of symptoms.

[@rapstar4575]

Feed us doctor marvin. ❤❤❤😂😂🎉🎉

[@aliumustapha4222]

Looks like will Smith, taking his abuse on another person's instead on jeda

[@Imnotyourdoormat]

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

[@TSIRM0]

I❤LB

[@xio6778]

Remember, you are in control over how you react to your own emotions, not the narc.

[@husqrok]

After multiple physical attacks a day for hour on end it will get under oneselfs skin, for a while at least. And it messes with mind a shitton. Why take the agressive step in the 1st place if you both want home to be place of peace and happiness.

[@human_4real]

Can you be silent while being skinned alive? You are in control, right?

[@PeterAcrat]

@@human_4real It is my sense that one must value themselves enough to first (1. place themselves in a safe and calm physical location, and then (2. look within for the wisdom and purpose behind the entire interaction. 🤔On the surface (as we've all been taught and 'conditioned'); this seems true that they have power over us. But it is Not the fact. Why? Because "they" (as is anything you observe and actively give your personal meaning to) are _only ever always YOUR Version_ of them - and that's where your true power lies (your application of meaning) ... don't EVER give it up to them, because you can NEVER CHANGE what you do not own. ✨Start with the limiting core beLIEfs they have driven to the surface from the depths of you (eg: the words and matched emotions used to describe yourself as they 'made' you feel: "_I'M_ nothing to them" or "_I'M_ insignificant/unimportant/don't matter" etc. THESE are the very buttons they press - for no other plausible reason than the time has come for you to grow by clearing them up. Perhaps this is the purpose of the narcissism uprise - to show us what we need to attend to in order for us to deeply align and integrate with our primary relationship; aka the one we each have with ourself. There within you will you find your true Value, and unshakable inner peace. Just do 'the inner work' as you feel inspired to. It's only ever always you, and thus all within your power to have be how you prefer.☮ Blessings

[@xio6778]

​@@human_4realAre you a slave to your own emotions ?

[@dirkdil8268]

Yes, this is the way out. Before you need to do that you have already been taken for the ride. The point is that a good relationship should not require this level of self restraint.

[@deadpool_ryder_]

Part of this is true.. but what if they actually are the cause of the relationship and you're trying to show them how they are. That doesn't make you a narcissist

[@cinduhughes3351]

Ppl r so evilno loving with narcs blame u

[@daved5094]

100% my ex girlfriend

[@flacoironside3544]

If you’re coping with a psychologically abusive partner by abusing alcohol or drugs…get help. If you don’t, the abuser will always have that as a trump card in their back pocket; anytime you confront them. You also run the risk of doing stupid stuff when you’re under the influence.

[@arthurlangille4604]

Women's social intelligence is superior to men. Women prefer to work with people and men prefer things, not people. Social intelligence is the ability to read people. Women's communication style is indirect and a man's is direct. Women naturally use manipulations and men naturally use logical reasoning or physical intimadation. The comparisons between narcissism and female nature go on and on. Men naturally adapt to environments. Men are adapting to female nature.

[@nicholecornes1915]

Ah disgusting

[@nicholecornes1915]

Thats a stupid trait to have....

[@the7thlettr167]

Reactive abuse is just mutual abuse Lisa

[@LiseLeblanc]

I must disagree with you on this point. Example: Have you seen the series 1923? In episode 2, the young native girl lashes out at the nun… that’s reactive abuse. It’s when one holds the balance of power (or perceived power), and abuses and mistreats the other repeatedly … the victim takes it, takes it, takes it until their survival response switches to fight mode (because the more defensive approaches are not working)…. they perceive no other option. That said, if the abuse has been a two-way street almost from the start, then you’re right, it is mutual abuse.

[@sideeffects6570]

Love u ❤

[@solomancambridge2572]

Thats exactly what's going on in the Gaza Strip. There was 75 years of targeted abuse then the scapegoat went kaboom.

[@solomancambridge2572]

To hell with that. Life is too short to waste even 2 minutes explaining yourself to someone who is using coersive control tactics on you. Just Cut Bait in the first minute; period. They'll learn who not to play with by you removing them from your life.😅