Recovery with No Support

[@jijipop11037]

Stopped calorie counting but I still count in my head omfg my mind is a calculator it’s exhausting

[@davidwhitaker2211]

I find that talking to myself is one of the best things. I tell people I know and encounter that sometimes I need to talk things through before I give an answer or make a decision. I try to keep it short when someone is expecting an answer or conversation. But I think all the people that I do it around allow me room to do so.... Also, talking to a counselor in uni for a short bit helped me open up about some of my feelings and experiences. I still have issues being straightforward sometimes, but most times I'm able to express what I want/need... Love you friend, and hope you're alright...

[@ieat4nts]

27:28 They’re called pot holes! You probably remembered by now. Also, never feel bad about making longer videos, we love them.

[@stilloctober]

Oh yeah potholes lol!

[@LouiseInokula]

My advice for anyone who has struggled with ed for a long time, tried recover but couldn't, and lost support system, or felt too ashamed to tell anyone, and is starting to feel hopeless with or without a support system: it's time to start thinking about neuropsychiatric assessment. As soon as I could eat solids, I had a bunch of problems with food. Either too little or too much. I've been in three types of treatment including in patient care, but I never fully recovered. But two years ago (at age 23) I got diagnosed with ADD which explained everything. My doctor later told me "therapy and treatments has never worked for you because your brain is not capable of that type of work without central stimulants". And constantly low dopamine mixed with bad impulse control is the perfect recipe for an Ed. Now I know why I never stood a chance as a child and then as an adult who's trying to fight this ugly-ass-incel-demon-disgusting-loser-smelling like shit-Ed. Now I am though and I'm getting better again☺

[@stilloctober]

That’s the first time I’ve heard of this information! It’s so crazy how complicated Ed can get 🙊

[@rose-um1jt]

Have you looked into state health insurance? You can then call the number on the insurance card and they’ll find a provider that specializes in what you need ❤

[@yumii434]

hi hi! thisss dude i relate so much to what you said, as i also am trying to recover with no support system. I have a lot to say about what you said, like my points to add so this will be long lol let's start with what helped me the most in recovery, i think you could say it's like, to identify what's the biggest personality trait of your ed, and do EVERYTHING you can against that, like for me it was the habits that I was forming for myself and like pushing myself to do things habitualy even when i really didn't want to/didn't had the energy to, i'm trying to really fight against that and like especially not form habits regarding food, i kinda switched that tendency to habits to normal stuff like having a morning routine, a night routine doing some things habitualy, but NOT allowing myself to have any habits regarding food. Also definitely i would recommened to try and like, get out of your ed bubble as much as possible, like you said about self-help books, i would say that starting to read at all really helped me, cause it kinda gave me more of a point on how other people are living life, how life can look like, especially in early recovery when i was like "if my life's not ed then what the fuck it is" if you're struggling with it then i really recommened books and genuienly opening to people, maybe not even speciafcally about ed, but about not knowing how to live life, you might think that people will judge you, i also thought this way a lot, until i started actually opening up, all my life i always kept my emotions locked up in myself and felt like an alien in society due to that, but when i actually started talking about stuff with people, i realised how human i actually am and how normal it is to struggle, and how there are people who actually want to listen and help as much as they can. I also got a therapist, and it took a looooong while before i started slowly but more and more opening up about my ed, and she couldn't really give me professional help on that, cause just like she told me, she's not specialized in eating disorders, but the fact that i actually truely vocalized what was going on in my head and what stupid rules ed made for me, made me realise how much it's all just in my head and how stupid it all is, also her saying that from all i say i do have an eating disorder was quite validating. So even if you're gonna get a normal therapist, definitely get one. Also i would say finding other things to focus on in your life instead of ed is helpful, like for me i kinda switched from focusing so much on my ed to focusing more on school, and it is still not ideal, cause it's still the mechanism of working the shit out of myself for numbers and not allowing myself to rest, but im working on that, and something is better then nothing right? also idk if it the way for everyone, cause all eds are at least slightly different, but for me ed was telling me a lot that i need to meet expectations of people and their expectations are for me to not eat, like my mother won't love me if i will eat, it sounds crazy but at the time it was more of a feeling, i didn't entirely realize that it was like that, actually vocalizing it made me realize how stupid and cruel it sounds and like it's literally the opposite dude, people expect you to eat and take care of yourself. That also helped me like talking to myself (i do that a lot too as a coping mechanism lol) and realizing, dude: you wanna be good enough, you wanna meet people's expectations? like starving yourself or binging and purging will never get you there, so what im doing is actually eating a few proper, healthy meals and working out, like that kinda helps me cause it makes me feel like yes im being independent for myself, it still isn't perfect, i treat it more as a step in recovery, i definitely am not recovered yet, but it's easier to get to full recovery from here, then it is from deliberately starving yourself :) Okay that's it cause i wrote too much anyway lol, i hope it will at least be helpful for someone, and thanks for this video

[@stilloctober]

You have no idea how valuable everything you wrote is! The routine thing is so true! I think we have a tendency to obsess over things and Ed caught us in food but if we slowly shift that till we manage those tendencies it will switch towards buildings ourselves up instead of self destruction. I also noticed since my recovery I picked up my skin care desires and my teeth are healthy too. I love that you mentioned it. I’m so glad to hear so much information from someone recovering too🫡😁☃️

[@yumii434]

happy to hear that :)) i was scared i wrote embarassinly too much lol, and also, i wanted to say that but forgot, your freezing all the time might be cause by ed or by something with your vitamins, probably a lot of vitamins can influence that, but last year i was also bloody freezing, when i checked my blood it turned out i had 30 times the norm of vitamin b6, so i stopped taking them and this year im not freezing anymore :D so it's good to check your blood every once in a while

[@sweetandsavage369]

At the end you said you’re wrapping presents & I was like dam I wish u recorded it I love watching you wrap presents it’s so satisfying

[@stilloctober]

Damn I didn’t think anyone would care🙊 moving forward I will😛

[@BEA-cn8jo]

I agree on the mom thing, my mom use to be my bestfriend as a kid but the more older i got the more distant i became due to past experiences ( cw- my parents not understanding mental health and alot of verbal abuse/ miscommunication) so i cant talk to her about certain things due to that trust ..idk how to rebuild that or i should leave that alone n focus on self love, we spend time together but still that genuine trust w a parent is so rare nowadays :/ Quick question- i dont have an ed myself but this channel has taught me about it alot ! But i wonder what causes it , is it mental health related or societal pressures + trauma? I hate that there's people suffering from this and they get ridiculed >:[ instead just help people out. (P.s sry for long read)

[@stilloctober]

I spend a lot of time focusing on other people in my life and it was always supposed to be me I should have backed up. I feel like there’s only so much effort we can put to get close to someone in where if they don’t follow along then it’s time to stop and self love will always benefit us in the long run. For the Ed question it’s really difficult for everyone why it happens but from my understanding its a lot of self destructive behaviors in order to gain some sort of control in life. But it’s different for everyone really that’s why it’s important for everyone to find out their own personal reasons in order to understand themselves and entangle the pain

[@Berries.creamm]

My mom had a ed when she was around my age and although she says she’s “recovered” I still see the things she does and it triggers me. I won’t point it out to her and tell her that because I feel bad, sometimes I feel like for me trying recovery (which I’m trying to do, it’s been on and off but genuinely I’m getting tired of stupid ed) that she wants me to gain weight, y’know so I weigh more then her.. I think we weigh around the same I might be less then her but I’m not entirely sure. Idk, maybe that’s my ed talking and my mom just wants best for me. But things she says like after she eats foods that are “bad” she’s like “I feel disgusting and need to fast” or stuff like that and i think that I need to fast longer then her, almost like a competition. I don’t know at this point, I’m trying to recover in my own pace, trying to eat just a little more everyday but stuff like that just knocks me down. I did go to php treatment you got there Monday to Friday, 7am to 2pm and I did not like it all, we ate breakfast, lunch and snacks there then get sent off with dinner to home but I didn’t like it because they were supposed to do therapy stuff with us (me and other patients) but didn’t , they were just worried about feeding us, which you know fine whatever but you can’t jus shove food down our throats and not do any therapy or anything with us then expect us to be healed 🪄. So I stopped going because it just didn’t work for me. I’m trying again at home to get better, a tip I do is follow ed recovery accounts on TikTok and Instagram, they do help me a lot, I also walk too when I’m very stressed or about to freak out. I try to limit social media especially TikTok because those pro ana accounts always pop up on my fyp😭 and I’ve recently started to read books, I really love it because it takes me to a whole other world, distracts me y’know. I also try to pray more ( I’m catholic) it helps me. I try to do things I use to love doing before my ed, I think back to the things I did enjoy doing. Also another thing that helps me is animals. We recently got a dog and she helps me alot w playing w her, taking her for a walks and then my emotional support kitties. These are the things that help me, that I’d thought I’d share. I’m still struggling, I know when I get upset or mad I have the urge to just not eat for days as a punishment to myself, there’s a lot of things I need to work on. I should maybe try a therapist but I’m honestly scared of talking to a stranger, which doesn’t make sense cuz here I am, dumping everything out in this long ass comment (sorry for that😭) but I am able to because nobody knows who I am, sooo.. and obviously talking to a therapist they know who I am😂

[@PitchFate]

im sorry you are going through sm right now, its so so hard to get out of the ed headspace and even harder when someone in your home is also going through something similar, I'm wishing you the best sending all the love, you deserve to recover and you deserve to feel happy in your skin. Personally, my parents forced me go to therapy because I was in such a bad headspace but it didn't end up helping me that much because the therapist would occasionally tell things to my parents and it made me feel uncomfortable. Now I'm older and I go to my own therapist because I CHOOSE to, it has really helped me get a lot of shit off my chest that I would never be able to talk to anyone about otherwise. It is up to you whether you want to try therapy and I think it would help as long as you are comfortable and open to the idea.

[@vo1134]

Question, do you think everyone who has recovered from an any addiction will need life long recovery? I recovered from a very unhealthy addiction about 3:years. I tried many times getting better on my own but I had to get professional help to get out of the hole I had dug. I always knew when I got better I would be able to put that part of my life in the rear view. However, the place I went to still texts me every month asking if I need their help and it gets frustrating because I put that part of my life behind me. I get it I feel lucky that I don’t need lifetime recovery but am I being an asshole for getting slightly frustrated every time they reach out?

[@PitchFate]

I have been through a similar situation and personally no I don't think there is anything wrong with getting annoyed by those reminders. When moving on from something it's better if it's not constantly being brought up or reminded to you and I definitely understand why it would make you upset. When or if you need help, it is important to talk to someone and get the support you need, but if you currently don't need the help I would ask them to stop reaching out.

[@jijipop11037]

Have you experienced extreme hunger in recovery ??

[@Autumn_Moon93]

I have and still do 2 years later. I guess it must be our body making up for the Years we have starved ourselves.

[@Wingriddenangel03]

Hi I adore you

[@stilloctober]

🙊