Reddit Story | Rules Of War by PM451 | HFY | Humans Are Space Orcs 1262

[@Eramiserasmus]

Humans created an entire genre of play activities called "war games" with every possible theater of gaming. They needed rules for a reason.

[@Capitalism1939]

Such as no spawn camping

[@amorphoussolid8512]

The rules are not there to protect us, they are there to protect everything else.

[@DepressedCrow]

a quote from Doctor Who: "a good man does not need rules, now is not a good time to learn why I have so many rules."

[@gmailquinn]

^

[@CT-1035]

@@Capitalism1939 I think that still happened at Normandy, surprised no one was screeching for a mod to ban the Nazi Germans for Kos-ing

[@justsomejerseydevilwithint4606]

that moment when humanity is so barbarically proficient at violence _when caged and unarmed,_ that the entire galaxy declares peace and invents sports just to keep humans as far away from war as possible.

[@AgroSquerril]

yup

[@yomogami4561]

seems prudent

[@SergeyWaytov]

*laughing loudly* HILLARIOUS!

[@ALJ9000]

Yeah, that sounds about right

[@Kualinar]

By far, the best survival strategy.

[@matthewklestinski7030]

I knew those classes in mimicry and puppetry would come in handy someday.

[@bulldowozer5858]

Imagine they glued some googly eyes on the head!

[@tachyon8317]

To quote* a caller from the talk radio station in GTA3 - "Dude... chicks dig guys with puppets!"

[@carlfromtheoc1788]

I see you know the ways of Jerry Smith.........

[@johns9652]

handy, haha

[@justsomejerseydevilwithint4606]

"more blatant battle simulations; Paintballing, Battle reenactment, dodgeball" Can confirm, dodgeball is nonmurderous combat.

[@yomogami4561]

not in the games we played in gym class or recess but that was the 60s

[@waynecampeau4566]

That commander/fleet admiral was the smartest of them by far. They really should have let it proceed with its plan, it was the only one that appeared to realize just what kind of tiger they had by the tail. :)

[@donanthebarbarian5177]

I think the second in command was more intelligent than him... He thought about what would happen if a breeding pair survived the impact somehow and didn't get found when checking for survivors. He didn't want to risk *THAT*.

[@bandiras2]

Give a man no way out, and he will tear a new one.

[@geoshark12]

Straight into the interrogators throat apparently

[@gmailquinn]

Make a hole

[@EAZ36588]

Commander /admiral caught on pretty quick to the fact that they needed to search everyone, and then research the ones they didn't find anything for even harder lol. 😄

[@mikehenthorn1778]

Never touched hockey. Didn't want to traumatize the poor xeno

[@alwelle3902]

Holding humans as prisoners ... not good. Telling them you will be killing them ... dumb. Teaching them the language before killing them ... suicidal.

[@AgroSquerril]

yarp

[@eliandervalderen5849]

And the lesson of today's story is you not fight the humans do not even let them know that you have something akin to the concept of or less they ask to join in

[@Deconstruction_Administrator]

I can only wonder what they would think of a mosh-pit.

[@tachyon8317]

Not just any mosh-pit, but a CLEVELAND mosh-pit. I her those are the most intense

[@eleethtahgra7182]

Nice concept. Nice story. The story showed a completely different mindsets between different alien civilizations. The She species is some warrior culture. Love fight to the death. Same with the He. The He species have no concept of haggling. Humans species is...well, humans.

[@NathanBChampine]

I really feel sorry for any xenos IRL that just happen to be thinking about invading our little world without first scouting out the place first. Any sane xeno would just turn around and go home and say nevermind their just to crazy to deal with.

[@Zplayz112]

Probably why no one sees UFOs anymore smh

[@NathanBChampine]

@@Zplayz112 😆

[@somefurryguy1811]

until you realize humanity in this universe got railguns and anti-matter bombs, while we just got some 5.56 and 7.62. (and don't start with "nukes" because they need approval from all governments and even then they'd cause more harm to us than them.)

[@Nempo13]

@@somefurryguy1811 We have hydrogen bombs, which are also called nukes. All of the boom, with non of the radioactive fallout.

[@Da_Shark]

Leave the damn monkeys alone..... they are born insane and thirsting for blood

[@Nempo13]

I was born into this world covered in someone else's blood, I have no problems leaving it the same way! -an ancient proverb This is often attributed to the Vikings, and we do have records of more than one saying it. However it goes back even farther. Roman legionaries said this while conquering the Gauls alongside Caesar. We know this as he actually comments about it in his memoirs as the perfect mentality for a soldier. However, even Caesar credited it as coming from the time of Greek city states warring with the proverb being credited to the Spartans. Chances are it goes back all the way to Babylon in all honesty.

[@mr.factoid105]

The worst part is that the humans find this hilarious!

[@scotteggert9820]

Yep we do!

[@killinjoke2517]

Gigling!Can't Stop It!

[@carlfromtheoc1788]

Poor aliens, didn't even get to see any LARPing or MMA action, or that there is a TV program that is a contest in steel blade making.

[@gmailquinn]

Forged in fire is one

[@wichitablundell137]

Junk yard wars, battle bots

[@leechowning2712]

And this, my friends, is why Sol has been quarantined. It has been a decade or more since the last hint of visits. It has been a generation since ships flew in our skies. I expect an attempt to send a manned probe any long distance would suffer the same comms failures that sometimes happen with the V probes... if not simply another challenger incident. They have learned enough that they no longer wish to risk it.

[@erikmckoul2478]

If we really were that dangerous I bet they would have just destroyed the planet entirely, I mean like literally blast the planet to pieces.

[@leechowning2712]

@@erikmckoul2478 Even humans don't do that, and a race willing to spend decades monitoring us is even more likely to just figure "they will kill themselves off fast enough". Besides, it's like roaches. Even burning down the house doesn't always do it. there are bunkers, labs and sea vessels that I would not bet on destroying unless the sun went nova.

[@erikmckoul2478]

@@leechowning2712 If they blast the planet to chunks our bunkers, labs and sea vessels won't do anything as they float in space without a planet. lol

[@BrunoMaricFromZagreb]

The 2nd half became confusing.At first it was the commander talking to/about the captive,then talking to a leutanant.After the thing with the shivs & escapung I wasn't sure who's POV we were following.

[@somefurryguy1811]

same, i got confused too.

[@allenmorgan1007]

For the Algorithm, For the Author(s), For the Disembodied Voice!

[@AgroSquerril]

For the algorithm

[@wildwikedwanderer1208]

Merry Christmas from Texas y’all. Thanks for the story Agro

[@AgroSquerril]

A pleasure

[@seanrobert9661]

All I wanted for Christmas is a proper Texas legal armory, Depressed west coaster 😖 Damned nanny state 😞

[@auroramoon_draws16]

Alien: well, now you’re a prisoner Human: *laughs* not for long :D Commander: no. Humans: dammit

[@singledad1313]

Alien: You're a prison trapped here with us. Humans: No, you're trapped here with me

[@zacharyhawley1693]

Ha! and people laughed when I said I took a few classes in puppetry! Who's laughing now!👹

[@AgroSquerril]

lol

[@alwelle3902]

Well I know at least one sentient that isn't. *that guy*

[@seanrobert9661]

For the bard For the squrral For the horde

[@AgroSquerril]

For the story

[@superspicy8740]

*FOR THE EMPEROR!*

[@D3vious113]

5-head realization they captured Jeff Dunham XD

[@AgroSquerril]

lol

[@cameltube-vk7el]

THis story had me in tears laughing right out the gate as I read ahead & then hearing him narrate it was just killing me!!! O U T S T A N D I N G ! ! ! Kept sending them back to the cells ah a hahahahhahaah oh man just well done!!!

[@davidteh3807]

Humanity and their ' sports ' ! Have fun !

[@giarnovanzeijl399]

At least they were wise enough to not nuke us. Imagine when they find out about our bomb shelters.

[@gmailquinn]

Xeno: they have WHAT?!?!

[@thehatter9400]

Monkey brain make tool, tool breaks bug toys

[@hughgordon6435]

Seasons greetings to all, fta,ftdv,fta(s) ftt5p,Bob and CCL

[@mikkelnpetersen]

Some times, you just gotta let sleeping isolated monsters be where they are.

[@Ryu_D]

Thank you for the video.

[@Maeshalanadae]

At least the commander tried to be as careful as he could be. Not any xeno would try to think of that level of search and separation.

[@sherylcascadden4988]

For the author! For the narrator!! For the algorithm!!!

[@WiredTurkey316]

The other reindeer wouldn't let poor Rudolph join in any reindeer games

[@kleinjahr]

Someone is a fan of the Moties.

[@Z4RD4N34]

I did not catch the reference.

[@kleinjahr]

@@Z4RD4N34 Mote in God's Eye.

[@Messywildcat78]

Merry Christmas y’all! Have a great day Agro.

[@AgroSquerril]

Thank you , to you as well

[@waldemarhachaj]

Good story :)

[@scotteggert9820]

I laughed as I read this! Needed a good laugh

[@AgroSquerril]

:)

[@mikehenthorn1778]

Then there is lacrosse and god forbid ( shudders ) women's lacrosse.

[@richarddrapeau7599]

Great story.

[@____________838]

Witness us!

[@gemmel3197]

The second one made me laugh. thanks

[@gentlerain8537]

106 minutes- check in…

[@DEMONOFLOVEANDDEATH]

Bless the Squerril Bless the Author

[@AgroSquerril]

For the story

[@nix-cipher]

LMFAO this story...lol

[@sypherius2624]

Sees the like button *click

[@barelyasurvivor1257]

I keep seeing a pen or pencil in the interrogators eye, and the prisoner escaping We will see if I am right. Ok I was wrong he used a prison shiv. But the escapes were very human.

[@sherylcascadden4988]

Hmmm. Outro seems to be intro?

[@genericuser984]

neat

[@AgroSquerril]

:)

[@asandrewsilvaw]

For the algorithm

[@AgroSquerril]

For the algorithm

[@Obligate.Carnivore]

Camping? Oh boy, here we go! Another cry baby cause they got ambushed! It’s call a sniper position or an ambush point! Not camping! You see a tent! A camp fire!? Nope, cause it’s an ambush! It negates your faster connection and you all hate that equalizer! LoL imagine that, an old man having to explain it!

[@merlinwizard1000]

94th, 10 January 2023

[@vocalpelly6873]

For The Algorithm

[@AgroSquerril]

For the algorithm

[@josmeijers2818]

F.T.A !

[@AgroSquerril]

For the algorithm

[@arakheno4051]

F.A.S.

[@AgroSquerril]

For the algorithm

[@jimmycoyote74]

For the algorithm

[@AgroSquerril]

For the algorithm