Half in the Bag: The 70-Minute Rise of Skywalker Review

[@neildungman4142]

Palpatine is 3/3 for zapping himself in the face during the conclusion of each trilogy.

[@sonoftheway3528]

he didn't zap himself in Jedi really

[@RebornVengeancex]

@@sonoftheway3528 Yes he did

[@russellharrell2747]

R very video gamey

[@Whiteplane]

Forgot to put XP into poise.

[@Nycrolieben]

It's like poetry. It rhymes.

[@larrybrennan1463]

I prefer the theory that Palpatine survived by hiding in a lead-lined refrigerator.

[@tastyloaf5487]

As he was falling.

[@larrybrennan1463]

@@tastyloaf5487 You'd be surprised how many lead-lined refrigerators a Death Star requires. They're all over the place.

[@larrybrennan1463]

@Dan C Sounds crazy, but it just might work!

[@JerrysFineCigars]

I was hoping rey would remove her mask revealing she was palpatine the whole time. Would have made all the weird sexual tension between herself and Ben even funnier.

[@maximumkorb]

He used the midi-chlorians to create that fridge.

[@lexiewall2073]

I want a deleted scene of Palpatine slowly building each and every ship in the fleet, welding mask over his face

[@nosuchthing8]

Yes, and palpatine reviewing blue prints and schematics

[@shinget]

@@simond7225 and then he shouts "I already work around the clock!"

[@leonardocarvalho7306]

Using force lightning to weld the metal parts

[@Dan016]

While doing his laugh & shouting "ULTIMATE POWER!" every so often. 🤪

[@PhilMcCarty]

"No, this one goes HERE, that one goes... MUAHAHAHAHA ULTIMATE POWER"

[@foxhound5699]

I liked the part where it was revealed that emperor Palpatine's grand overarching plan over three films was to get Rey to kill him so he can be reborn, heralding a new age of evil, which she then does and everyone lives happily ever after.

[@samuelhatlestad6676]

😆😆😆

[@TheMetahedron]

Welcome to planet "Intolerable Mud"@@samuelhatlestad6676

[@milliondollarmistake]

She used the Force to blow his soul apart like the Emperor did to Horus

[@TheMetahedron]

If You are really One with The Force, any weapon would be a Distraction. You Do Not need them. @@milliondollarmistake

[@TheMetahedron]

I've already won,. I don't care anymore.

[@bigneon_glitter]

Palpatine to Kylo Ren: "Kill the girl. I need her alive."

[@JoeChillton]

Ya WTF lol

[@mongooseunleashed]

_scratches head._

[@denkerbosu3551]

@Peyglo so he knew Ben would fail in killing her. Again. Makes sense to me.

[@bigneon_glitter]

@Peyglo "Yeaahhh, that's the ticket!" - Disney Writers Team

[@henkman00]

Palpatine: ''kill me and my spirit will take over your body'' Rey bounces the force lighting back, killing Palpatine. Palpatine: ''wait...did I win?'' (checks the script)

[@CHilla415]

the new trilogy turned John Boyega from a genuine fan, super hyped to see himself wielding a light saber in the Force Awakens trailer, to being completely done with the franchise and not wanting to revisit it ever again.

[@oddskymikha8185]

Just like most of the fans, really.

[@asbjrnkillenjahn9421]

@@oddskymikha8185 Just like most of Star Wars' cast to be honest. New and old alike.

[@rabid123fox]

To be fair it was probably the hatred from fans who turned him off of it lol

[@walmartian422]

Fox at first he was thinking wow these fans suck 3 movies later he was thinking “yea this shit fucking sucks”

[@razkable]

as someone who didn't really get into the franchise I can enjoy the first 6 films for telling one long narrative even if they all have issues their fun movies..i actually don't think their poorly made they just bore me....I have not seen any of the star wars-disney films lord of the rings twilight or marvel comic book films recently since this universe started with what iron man in 2007...i'm better for it...could care less about these franchises...star was is watchable but only by lucas...the clone wars cartoons have been great...the series should continue animated...its just easier...guys get over it...go watch some anime...that will make you forget star wars

[@Taylorculosis]

Simon Pegg loved the Plinkett reviews and is a good friend of Abrams. It's entirely possible that it is somehow, slightly, barely Mike's fault.

[@stranger59]

Or 110% Mike's fault.

[@stevenwayneart]

Not only possible, it's exactly what happened.

[@poppag8281]

did he really?

[@tukkek]

@@poppag8281 Mike Stoklasa's behind it all!

[@anthonychavez8837]

@@tukkek I can't believe Mike ruined this trilogy.

[@ariforoutan5888]

Mike slowly realizing that this is all his fault is one of the greatest things I’ve ever seen

[@saucyduckglobalomnihyperme7510]

It's like a Greek tragedy, the hubris of the viral Plinkett reviews followed by the inescapable nemesis of JJ Abrams. The director he himself chose.

[@larrote6467]

you are delirious

[@Tacheonblack]

@@saucyduckglobalomnihyperme7510 "Choose the form of your destructor"

[@marcespinoza6068]

He also halted the release of Penn Jillette's movie due to his Plinkett review.

[@GM-nv8ct]

@@Tacheonblack lmao

[@halikarnak1862]

imagine you're sitting in a movie theater in Milwaukee Wisconsin and you hear Rich Evans's laugh

[@animepussy8356]

I've been fucking thinking about this for a week, I can't sleep. Just imagine that "pfffttHAAHAAHAIIIIIIIiiiahaaaHaah!!"

[@alternativeavenues7664]

i would be able to die a happy hack fraud.

[@animepussy8356]

@@rotaku4946 I don't think you understand, I was being serious. Get that stick out of your ass apart from the "cant sleep" part ofc

[@notyou8716]

I've been to Milwaukee. Rich laughing would be a welcome improvement.

[@hevergreenbp]

I would cum instantly if I heard the sweet ambrosia of his laughter

[@vincentdamico6266]

I didn't see the movie so this review wouldn't be spoiled

[@realhorrorshow8547]

That's pretty much my approach to this trilogy. Also, it's cheaper.

[@crozecamp]

Don’t give Disney your moneyz

[@jaku9730]

In the same boat

[@jsummer6390]

I completely agree with this statement

[@animelytical8354]

This is the new wave. I like it.

[@AlfredoPuente8]

Lando must be the best politician in the history of the Galaxy, in just one hour he convinced the entire Galaxy to rebel against the First Order. It was that simple...

[@AntonioCardenasT]

@Autismo or how necesary was Luke's sacrifice. Last Jedi ended with his dead inspiring future generations, but in this one it inspired nothing and Lando had to be the one bringing the reinforcements.

[@DS8379]

He's the Coolest Cat in the Galaxy!

[@Targisvear]

@@DS8379 Even in senile form.

[@leviwarren6222]

@sonoki82 Lots of L3's filling the sky there.

[@mryoutube4399]

I still don't understand why the First Order was so strong.Return of the Jedi implied that the Galactic Empire had died and that a New Republic had been born.

[@seththomas9105]

The sad thing is looking at these guys 3 years ago they still had hope in their eyes. This was before the dark times; before Star Trek Picard. Before they lost hope.

[@jimbomclimbo7467]

There gonna need to find a new one now

[@connbarry1656]

Not Jay, he never gave a shit

[@robertbowen1892]

Picard really did damage to Mike

[@dudududu1926]

@@robertbowen1892 First it's William Shatner, now it's Picard.

[@cubana2]

Star wars Lost Hope

[@ArvindMenon1150]

My favorite part of Rise of Skywalker is when Palpatine looks directly at the camera and right at Mike Stoklasa in the audience and says "Look what you have done".

[@ImmaLittlePip]

Though it was weird when a pizza pocket walked down the stairs where Palpatine was sitting and said "murder your wife"

[@cumcrip7582]

I liked when Rey killed the kritigque who called her a Mary sue and said:" fuck you sexist"

[@JoseMolina-jz9hh]

🤣😂🤣🤣

[@AngelEarth2011]

My favourite moment is when Finn practically looks at the camera and says '...I have a feeling!'

[@Haseo92]

@@ImmaLittlePip pizza roll*

[@Jose-se9pu]

EpVI: Palpatine is defeated by the combination of a son refusing to kill his own father because he knew he was still good, and a father giving his own life to save his son. EpIX: Palpatine is defeated by his grandaughter because she used two lightsabers instead of one

[@Isabelle-fr9dp]

This is getting out of hand

[@aliemami4853]

Isabelle Now there are two of them!

[@nbr1rckr]

Hard to believe Star Wars drew influence from Greek tragedy and myth once upon a time...

[@adamfrisk956]

nbr1rckr I hope it will draw from Greek economy now

[@dohnjoe4100]

Seeing the youtube rips of the palpatine scenes I thought it couldn't get dumber after "Empress Palpatine". Then I saw the two lightsabers scene and couldn't stop laughing. the scenes with Palpatine are probably the best parts of the movie, too.

[@shouldercheck293]

Maybe the real palpatine was the friends we made along the way

[@alessandroconti380]

AHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA Best one so far XD

[@infiniteinmystery35]

this is it chief.

[@BorealSanta]

Successful reference that I get

[@davidhudson8428]

Aww man... wish I'd thought of that. lol

[@riffmachineband]

I like the bit where you said a funny

[@alexlewis5365]

Well for me personally, I loved the CGI and acting. The characters were so interesting and emotional. I was so invested from the beginning to the end. I've watched this half in the bag review over a 100 times now!

[@mariecarie1]

It’s amazing how well they recreated Rich Evans. The AI voicing is on point. I honestly kept forgetting he’d tragically died from AIDS-related diabetes, and he had been edited in with pre-shot footage and CGI for the rest. Just incredible.

[@andrewblamo5983]

Gotta clap for red letter media.

[@FringeSpectre]

Very cool.

[@assassino1480]

Very cool, Alex.

[@alexlewis5365]

@@assassino1480 Very cool.

[@rjtommo921]

The star wars saga is a tragedy about Chewbacca the wookie outliving all his friends.

[@KMmusic316]

Lando and the droids are still alive

[@MarkQuick0411]

Lando horny af Honestly it’s really creepy

[@asovietreunion13]

@Captain McDog Holy shit.

[@weedlebacaws8613]

“Chewbacca: A Star Wars Story” will just be ninety minutes of Chewie getting blackout drunk and crying while wearing his medal.

[@arditeider2812]

@@KMmusic316 Lando isn't in A New Hope, droids can get rebuild. So technically Chewie was there since the start.

[@big-e-cheeze5318]

Someone in my theatre audibly said “oh fuck off” when Cheewie got the medal.

[@donnie_dorko_89]

Bro. I feel that somewhere deep within me. I was saying "oh fuck off" for a majority of the movie.

[@nickm8874]

Yeah sorry about that. Couldn’t hold it in

[@discoduck3785]

I couldn't help myself and just burst out gaffawing with laughter. Like it was 1889

[@jozinek876]

I remember people in my cinema laughing when Rey destroyed the First Order transport shuttle with force lightning.

[@TheBeat710]

By that point of the movie, I didn't care. In my mind, this movie killed my love for Star Wars & officially soured my view of Disney.

[@Pinkhair3d]

What's not to understand? Palpatine fell into the pit, fought the Balrog, died, and returned as Palpatine the White.

[@goodrich06]

🤣🤣

[@SomeBlackGuy]

Pinkhair Machinima lol

[@SGTcrackey666]

Love this comment loll

[@commissarjb]

*the white-eyed

[@nazzurro]

Gandalf kicked him in the nuts on the way down

[@AustinAndersonVideo]

“Look at these horses” is one of my favorite Rich lines of all time

[@bencarlson4300]

And Jay’s wheeze laugh after that, classic

[@hughJ]

It would be super surreal to be sitting in a theater and suddenly hear the sound of Rich Evans' cackling.

[@deepzone31]

That would be a pretty fun prank to play with some bluetooth speakers spread out inside a theater.

[@tximistarissole]

I'd pay for that experience

[@AP-hv9ll]

...and you just hit on the only way I would possibly pay money to see this movie. If I knew when/where in Milwaukee our heroes went to see RoS, I would totally have bought a ticket, just on the chance to savor one of that man's guffaws.

[@thegigglessniggles5072]

hughJ that laughing voice is my force ghost..... now I have hope for the challenges ahead 😜

[@Jason-zc1yi]

Followed by a "I FUCKING LOVE STAR WARS!"

[@cadesturm5095]

"Due to budgetary constraints, the final order was only able to produce 2 navigational beacons from the newly named Emperor Palpatine Beacon Construction Facility."

[@noname_whatsoever]

I clapped because I recognize all your references!

[@cadesturm5095]

@@noname_whatsoever I clapped because I know RLM!!!!!!!

[@FrostUK]

"Let me guess - Tuesday?"

[@weirdcoincollection]

EmPalBeaConFac

[@nothosaur]

Most of the budget went to constructing the planet-destroying belly guns that had to be fitted to 1500 Star Destroyers.

[@burner627]

I can't believe one VCR repairman destroyed a multi-billion dollar franchise.

[@bobrocks79]

Rian Johnson isn't a VCR repairman. Yet.

[@elijahrusso5403]

bobrocks79 he will be

[@gkay8889]

@@bobrocks79 rain saved sw tho

[@gkay8889]

@@bobrocks79 at least he tried to save it if it wasn't for 9..

[@thegodofalldragons]

@@gkay8889 Star Wars didn't even need "saving" until The Last Jedi came out!

[@mikesmmaworld]

I'm still rewatching this years later despite never actually watching the film.😅

[@PatstarDeluxe]

Was just thinking that. This is like the 10th time (or more!) that I've watched this and I STILL haven't seen TROS.

[@thomasmartin7309]

Saaaaame

[@Unsupervisedgoat]

Same lmao

[@darrenoconnell2891]

Same 😂

[@h.a.9880]

The thing is, if you can, watch at least the first 10 minutes, it's one hell of an experience. This review emphasizes how ungodly fast the movie introduces stuff and drops it immediately, but it has to be seen to be fully understood. The title crawl mentiones that Palpatine is back and by the 4 minute mark, Kylo Ren has fought against some randos that support Palpy, obtains a "wayfinder" to get to Palpy, has a conversation with him about how Snokes was just a sock puppet, how Kylo will kill Palpy and then Kylo swears allegiance to him. You can't even fathom how bizarre it is to watch a movie that feels like it has enough plot for a trilogy but rushes through them at 3x speed.

[@MattMikulich]

How can Lando be useless when he defeated the First Order off-screen in less than ten minutes with a militia force he snapped into existence.

[@TheCinderfang]

Really felt like that should have been the focus

[@CellarDoorAU]

Both armies were 'snapped into existence' - so what's the particular problem? My take - All of it, Disney's Star Wars is not Star Wars, Stars Wars ended a long while ago.

[@runner9528]

@@CellarDoorAU what about the prequels?

[@AeronauticalAstronaut]

@@runner9528 what about the droid attack on the wookies?

[@runner9528]

@@AeronauticalAstronaut What about Bill Clinton?

[@professorchaos617]

'This whole trilogy was a waste of potential.' Perfect quote for this trilogy!

[@omikron6218]

The best quote I heard was "The ending of the new trilogy was like blowing up a balloon and letting it go, flying around the room making farting noises until it depressingly flops over on the ground".

[@lluewhyn]

@Danny Williams Or hiring JJ Abrams for that matter. The man has a reputation for setting up horrible endings (that someone else has to do the work for) for a reason. Starting with JJ "Mystery Box" Abrams and following him with "Rian "All expectations must be subverted" Johnson was a recipe for disaster even before they decided to film a trilogy lacking a cohesive plan.

[@pierresimpson3572]

I saw only the first one and it's only reclycled shit with uncharismaric charaters. This was a waste i'm glad i haven't watched 8 & 9.

[@ravenwhiteduck3158]

@@pierresimpson3572 lucky, good call

[@bryanneideffer3969]

Absolutely never seen a bigger waste of potential😩😞and this is what we got....prequels ( as bad as they where ) are freakin light years ahead of this extremely wasted trilogy!

[@DevI-vl7gp]

"What's your name?" "Rey" "Rey... what?" "I don't have people. I'm alone." "Rey.. Solo. Approved."

[@CourtneyCoulson]

Taking on the Solo name would honestly have made WAY more sense. Rey was very close to Han and Ben. She had a complicated relationship with Luke, and Leia certainly had issues with the Skywalker name given that Vader destroyed her home world.

[@B-Dad]

No it’s “I don’t have people. I’m alone.” So Rey....Rey Incel!”

[@Goodthrust69]

Lmao yeah lea, han and Ben were all named solo. She new Luke for like 1 day. What a slap in the face.

[@MansMan42069]

Ma-Rey Sue

[@caleb5721]

Patric Maloney wouldoyqrir

[@mykem3334]

“Mandalorian is on the right track” Oh mike, don’t worry, that didn’t last long.

[@lai6551]

Oh no

[@Pixelkip]

Idk it’s nowhere as bad as this trash fire

[@Jellybob69]

@@Pixelkipyeah but they ruined the show after two seasons. The one lightning in a bottle gem Disney have had with this IP and they got greedy and ruined it.

[@SonicBoyster]

@@Jellybob69 Season 3 was fine, and it's over now anyway.

[@Jellybob69]

@@SonicBoyster it’s was shit and killed the mainstream appeal of the show

[@IAmGeorgeLucas]

I was more excited for this review than I was for the actual film

[@josiahbahuaud2294]

How's that spinach?

[@aleksandarmitrovic6983]

Yeah I know, you weren't even on the premiere of this movie

[@vuraxis953]

The review is better than the actual film tbf

[@IAMPOPP]

The sad thing is you COULD be the real George Lucas and I would still believe you.

[@blackbeardbarkbark]

Thanks George.

[@itsd0nk]

Let the past live, exhume its corpse if you have to.

[@SensSword]

Isn't that exactly what Disney just did?

[@itsd0nk]

timmd909 Exactly.

[@dsozso]

nO oNe's evEr REally goNe

[@alsed7]

The old story will resurrect again, to defeat evil once more

[@victoriavallevalle1436]

Just as a corpse that is presented to us as if it's still alive, Ray is trying to rise as a Skywalker. STAR WARS: Rise of a Poser.

[@cheezemonkeyeater]

Look at you guys, trying to make sense of Palpatine's presence in this movie, as if the writers put any thought into it at all. How cute.

[@Andym8910]

cheezemonkeyeater Amen brother. He was an afterthought. The writers scrambling for an evil dude once they killed off Snoke

[@Eshanas]

@@Andym8910 why not snoke's... wife. His theodora. BAM.

[@dillonow8372]

O Kawaii Koto

[@LucidLegend1984]

I've been say this for a while now

[@30noir]

@@Andym8910 'They'? Rian goddamn Johnson. Nobody else is to blame.

[@askers_]

The term "passive progressive" is the greatest thing to come out of the Disney Star Wars acquisition.

[@monarchist1838]

I wish Mace Windu realised he could have just picked up Kit Fitso’s fallen lightsaber and double reflected Palpatine’s force lightning back at him.

[@AstroWarped]

I guess Mace wanted Anakin to strike him to make the Emperor think he's the one winning.

[@elijahrusso5403]

The Homo Demen yah I think so. I was really hoping Mace would show up for round 2.

[@davidm2031]

@@elijahrusso5403 samuel l Jackson is too busy with a successful cinematic universe

[@mikkom7475]

@@Bl4ckD0g Has anyone in Star Wars ever died from falling into anything?

[@Beer_Dad1975]

Mace couldn't do that because he's wasn't a Gary Stu.

[@MtheRat]

I'm still a little uncomfortable with the fact that they address the reality that many First Order soldiers are child soldiers, then party hard when they're all murdered...

[@Safersephiroth777]

Well it is a War after all.

[@TeamMBaku88]

War, war never changes.

[@Waltersop]

@@TeamMBaku88 Thats not what Snake would say! Dont contradict Snake you puny Fallout fan!

[@mattroxursoul]

Luke killed 100s of thousands with that first death star shot.

[@collinmclaren6608]

This is just a fact of movies like star wars. If you think about it too much, you eventually come to realize that the main characters murdered tens of thousands of people in the span of the movie. Any normal real-world person would come out of that in one of two ways; having hardcore PTSD, or turning into a straight-up blood psychopath. Its easier just to say _"Oh, its cool! They were all evil! They were just faceless stormtrooper grunts! They don't matter!!"_ Not saying this like its a bad thing. Like I said, its just a fact of big blockbuster movies like star wars. Same deal with video games. "Hey, we gotta have endless droves of cannon fodder for our heroes to battle through. Otherwise where would the action be?"

[@shelbyvillerules9962]

Whenever Carrie Fisher appeared in the movie all I could think about was that old Simpsons episode... “Thanks to modern editing techniques, we can use existing footage to complete the film without Milhouse!” “You’re fired” “And with good cause!”

[@browsebywire4096]

lol, this. and I haven't even seen it yet.

[@MP197742]

Movie making is so horribly repetitive. I’ve said “jimini jilikers” so many times, the words have lost all meaning.

[@dushikorsou1]

Just felt weird and akward and how she dies is almost laughable. Same with kylo

[@luckyspurs]

"If Hollywood stars didn't want to be in adverts dancing with radiators, then they shouldn't have tried to express themselves creatively".

[@veiledAutonym]

Hello. Smithers. You're. REALly. good. AT. Turning. me. ON.

[@youtubeaccount697]

Mike giving the 09 trek movie a pass is the most hilarious butterfly effect

[@bencarlson4300]

There’s been a lot thrown at ST 09 and Into Darkness, but after all the Star Wars and Star Trek movies and shows that have come out since, those two look like modern masterpieces in comparison.

[@youtubeaccount697]

@@bencarlson4300 i disagree, the trek movies are still unwatchable, mostly because of what they ushered in

[@bencarlson4300]

@@youtubeaccount697 They did lead to the sequel trilogy and current trek, so it would objectively be better if they never existed. I still like them.

[@NrettG]

@@bencarlson4300 I mean I really do enjoy ST 09 and Into Darkness because their just genuine good films and really fun to watch. What the fuck were they doing in Beyond.

[@BiggieTrismegistus]

I'll say Star Trek 2009 looks like a masterpiece by comparison but Into Darkness is still an infruiatingly stupid movie and will always been absolute trash as far as I'm concerned. The sheer number of plot holes, contrivances, and just all around idiocy is too much for me to deal with.

[@gamergod9182]

People just sitting around and talking for 70 minutes. Shot-Reverse Shot. Shot-Reverse Shot. A CGI Rich Evans brought back from the dead.

[@LeSensuel]

GamerGod91 Holy shit you’re right! George Lucas directed this video!

[@Uvwaex]

THE rich Evans??

[@stubby019]

It broke new ground!

[@waltherstolzing9719]

Yeah next time there's a HitB, Jay Jay Abrams should direct it. He knows how to make an engaging film review -- not *write* one, mind you, but shoot one.

[@EMalachi]

There's a kind of poetry to it. It rhymes.

[@CERTIFIEDBABEWRANGLER]

The sequel trilogy is like watching two dudes having a really heated argument at a party. But you went there with JJ Abrams, and hes your ride home. So you have to listen to him shit talk the other guy on the way home

[@Ryuouken]

And it doesnt matter who wins the argument, because the mood is already ruined. :/

[@CERTIFIEDBABEWRANGLER]

@@Ryuouken and now you dont even know if you want to go to the next party anymore

[@Ryuouken]

@@CERTIFIEDBABEWRANGLER Oh I know. I'm not going :P "wasted potential" really captures it.

[@nobu9705]

Aaaaaaaahhh 🤣🤣🤣👌 …but also, you're kinda interested how the trainwreck argument ends

[@CERTIFIEDBABEWRANGLER]

@@nobu9705 yeah but you're not gonna bring as much beer or chips as you did the last time

[@sonorous6200]

Picturing George Lucas telling Anthony Daniels off multiple times during shooting is hilarious. "If 3P0 just helped-" "No, he's scared. He's always scared. Shut up."

[@goldfishprime]

Honestly, he probably did that with all the actors. "Shouldn't Mace have at least one other Jedi with him?" "No, he goes alone"

[@tommyc4641]

@@goldfishprime With him when? He had two other Jedis with him when confronting Palpatine.

[@goldfishprime]

@@tommyc4641 When he was confronted Dooku. Another Jedi could have watched Jango while Mace focused on Dooku, but alas.

[@hitomisalazar4073]

To be fair to Lucas, I have read a few stories about him not being like that. Like during the original Star Wars, he was working with the actor who played Porkins. Who was upset like: "Oh ha ha, my name is Porkins because I'm Fat! Real funny... can we just change it?!" and he took this time to talk out this like 20 page backstory he had for a character who basically exists just to get killed on the Death Star attacks. Explaining who he was, how he relates to people, etc. And kind of smoothed it over with him. But by the time of the Prequels Lucas was just broken down and lazy. And Anthony Daniels from what I gather probably comes off in such a way you'd probably tell him off as well.

[@Ramsey276one]

45:00 XD

[@danielsliwa1045]

I watched this movie once in theatres.. I’ve seen this review.. about 15 times now. It’s my white noise to pass out some nights; thank you for making this review happen JJ!

[@rodrigocastillo4253]

Same here

[@ExploderMaster18]

I really thought i was the only one who does that. I listened to it a 120 times

[@danielsliwa1045]

@@ExploderMaster18 The key is finding which episodes where there's not too many Rich laughs to wake ya haha

[@10ToesDownWithBass]

I thought I was the only one that uses RLM as ASMR

[@danielsliwa1045]

@@10ToesDownWithBass My Go to for sleepless nights: Rise of Skywalker or Ghostbusters 2016 reviews lol!

[@mikelee9154]

Palpatine's plan was for Rey to kill him. She killed him and nothing happened. Bad plan.

[@Billchu13]

(Charlie writes on window while drowning) REY ISN'T REY

[@mikelee9154]

@@sernoddicusthegallant6986 Tony Stark

[@michael.devitt]

She was supposed to kill him during a specific ritual with her lightsaber because her hate overwhelmed her, which would open her up enough to the dark side for his spirit to possess her. Instead she turned his own force lightning back on himself with the combined light side force power of her, Ben Solo, and all the Jedi ghosts (lame) and he killed himself. It should have been explained better but it makes sense.

[@professorhaystacks6606]

@@michael.devitt Well yes, that's the implication. Poor explanations aside, though, this COULD have been an opportunity for a thematically cool moment, where she deliberately refuses to kill him, even in defense, mirroring Luke not only refusing to kill Vader, but throwing away his lightsaber in front of the emperor. Then she could have (taking a page from Dark Forces 2's novelization) 'protected' her grandfather from the Dark Side (preferably by sending Anakin at him), rendering him a powerless old man. Maybe he then dies of extreme age rather than any sort of attack. Then she keeps the name Palpatine at the end because she's taking it back.

[@labrat324]

Self defense is different from revenge murder. @Professor I actually like the idea of her taking back the Palpatine name. When she says Rey Sywalker; major cringe factor. Bitch stop fronting lol.

[@mrpopo6739]

I liked the part when Rey was struggling against palpy's lightning so she pulls out a second lightsaber and then she's all good

[@jasonbowman9521]

Old Palpy's mesquite sauce. That needs to be a thing now. And Count Dooku's Cereal. Also the fact that Sith have good side/ Jedi offspring makes sense. They try to be rebellious and cool by not listening to their parents.

[@wulpeswulpes9574]

She's hitting the double dab dude there's no way he can get back from that

[@johngalvano5895]

tbf it was all the Jedi helping her, or some shit like that

[@leakyboat224]

lightning strong enough to power down hundreds if not thousands of ships, but little saber bois are too stronk

[@RMBII91]

@@epiccollision hey dude why doesn't Trump wear glasses? He already has 2020. Buckle up and get your tissues ready little buddy!!!

[@gregorywalpole8442]

That One Stormtrooper Girl, to Finn: "Oh yeah, we're all kidnapped children pressed into service, remember? You're not unique, you know! We're human beings too, just like you! We've even been defecting in droves whenever we get a chance!" Finn: *Guiltily flashes back to 10 scenes earlier, when he, Rey, and Po ran down a corridor gunning down Stormtroopers by the hundreds in a total massacre.*

[@UltimaKeyMaster]

And every single time he guns them down or blows them up he gleefully laughs about it like he was a guy who never ever ever fought with them.

[@swimteamizzle1114]

...while triumphant music plays

[@rogersjgregory]

He refuses to shoot innocent villagers, and is horrified by the reality of war, yet a few hours later he’s shooting his fellow colleagues, like it’s a video game. He even seems happy about it and shouts “Woo Hoo!”. No conflicting emotions at all.

[@labestiapolitica3438]

Our heroes kill brainwashed child soldiers for fun after the Coachella festival with the squid people. They literally used those poor child soldier's deaths as comedy. Really sad what Disney has done to star wars.

[@edwardstradinger4592]

supposedly stormtrooper armor is designed to ablate and distribute blaster fire, such that it merely incapacitates. Kind of like kevlar

[@MrBenjarming]

Oscar Isaac just fucking fleeing that interview is the most hilarious, perfect cap to this series possible.

[@Kirbo4004]

They missed the dumbest part about this movie which was that palpatine's message announcing his return, which is a critical part of the story, was broadcast in Fortnite instead of the movie.

[@russellharrell2747]

The most corporate business minded bullshit I’ve ever heard. It’s like they stop caring long ago and now don’t even care to pretend to care.

[@trevorrogers95]

Hahaha fuck this movie dude.

[@jimjiminyjaroo300]

@@trevorrogers95 perfect comment.

[@SKyrim190]

What about the fact that in one of the first scenes they have to get an important message from a betrayer inside the First Order? Then the Falcon and his ship have to line up, they drop this massive data cable, and you would imagine it would be blueprints, maybe some location in the galaxy, anything that would require a load of data. And then the message is "Palpatine returned" literally two words!

[@decespugliatorenucleare3780]

I thought you were joking Holy fucking shit

[@Ale-mv3gr]

Imagine being Daisy Ridley and being cast into a dream role and, six or whatever years later, it becomes a nightmare.

[@alexrivera633]

I feel bad for her it wasn't her fault.

[@grantmccarter5291]

Sounds like the norm for a role in star wars.

[@Doomwolf82002]

@Oligoden Sadly, I suspect she'll end-up typecast as a result of Disney making her the face of their debacle.

[@robertshawn77]

@@DavidLLambertmobile she is a solid actor but, she is not athletic at all! Everytime she does something physical it's as if my old ass grandmother is her aunt double.. she looks awful swinging a lightsaber!!

[@occamsrazor4370]

Imagine being Mark Hamill cast into a dream role and , 3 or whatever decades later, it becomes a nightmare.

[@red_doggo7219]

Kylo: I killed Snoke Papa Sheev: Just get another one out of the jar

[@Virjunior01]

Kylo: "what?" Monster Mash: "DEW IT."

[@PazkalTheRazkal]

This is the best comment ever.

[@jetydosa1]

papa sheev lol

[@wheeliebin18]

Packed for freshness!

[@andrews9754]

I hear you can get a Snoke 24 pack for $15 at Cost Co.

[@FranklySean]

Jay: "This is all horribly uninteresting" Mike: *Carries on anyway* I love it.

[@anonymousdan7205]

Let’s just bury the lightsabers on Tatooine: - A place Anakin hated because of sand & the fact his mother was tortured to death there - A place Luke wanted off of (his aunt & uncle also murdered there) - A place Leia had no connection to aside from being a slave to Jabba ...Forget about somewhere respectable like say Padme’s grave on Naboo

[@shockwave2291]

Not to mention the lightsabers were buried in the exact same place Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru were slaughtered by Stormtroopers 40 years ago. Like fuck Rey, could you have picked a more cursed place to bury Jedi relics?

[@DeriDraws]

do you want sith relics? because this is how you get sith relics

[@togalogs]

You just know Disney is already writing a story about a couple of teens who go out playing by the old abandoned farm and stumble across those lightsabers...

[@xxvaltielxx1789]

@@shockwave2291 Fucking Mustafar, just next to where Anakin burned or under Vader's castle, or maybe Palps palace/ex Jedi temple, just where Anakin slaughtered the younglings

[@linkz016]

You have to bury it in Tatooine because you need to finish this trilogy with the setting twin suns. Because Star Wars.

[@joneswilliams2828]

Kylo Ren: mocks Rey for being scavenger Movie: scavenger hunt

[@BudgetGamingAndCollecting]

If Snoke was actually controlled by Palpatine, why did Snoke try to get Kylo Ren to kill Rey if Palpatine's whole plan hinged on taking control of Rey?

[@Turamwdd]

To subvert Palpatine's expectations!

[@HansenPL]

Because Snoke knew that Kylo is a halfwit and will utterly fail.

[@bamawebdev8640]

Because plot

[@callmeej8399]

Budget Gaming don’t think about it, just eat your popcorn

[@BudgetGamingAndCollecting]

@@callmeej8399 look it's Maz Kanata!

[@diatonicdelirium1743]

I give Billy Dee Williams a total pass on his performance, the man is old and we're lucky to see him at all.

[@MrSoopSA]

I agree. He’s doing the best he can given his health.

[@TheSolidSnakeOil]

I saw him on an episode of NCIS years ago and thought there was no way he's going be in any of the new SW movies when they were announced. But dammit, Disney gets what Disney wants.

[@NC-ck5oj]

He shouldnt have been in the movie

[@diatonicdelirium1743]

@@NC-ck5oj The movie shouldn't have been - don't blame actors for wanting to work, only a very select group can actually pick and choose.

[@Katyamuffin]

I don't think anyone's blaming him for his performance, I think people are blaming Disney for dragging the poor old man into this shitshow

[@pingwingugu5]

The most baffling part of this whole Star Wars fiasco is that they didn't plan anything out. They knew that they are making a trilogy but they didn't even sketch any story. How can you go into a project that cost hundreds of millions of $$ without any plan!? I would love to know the reason why did they do it this way, there has to be some financial/business reason behind this.

[@Safersephiroth777]

This is what EVERYONE complained. They hire a guy to make a trilogy. Then they make the 1st movie and everyone likes it. Then they FIRE that guy and hire another guy and the new guy doesn't care for the previous guy's work and makes new stuff. Then that movie wasn't well received, they FIRE this guy and hire the previous guy AGAIN! What can this guy do now that the middle movie hasn't anything that he wanted? Yeah they messed up big time.

[@King_Stranger]

Greed. Because greed

[@r7diego]

I think they were so sure that this would be a money tap that they didn't bother much. They underestimated the audience thinking that just by throwing us the SW logo and many lightsabers we would deliver our wallets

[@pingwingugu5]

@@King_Stranger Greed doesn't explain the stupid approach. It was expensive project, the safest and laziest approach would be to plan it out as soft reboot of original trilogy. You would get criticisms for being lazy, but younger audience would eat it up. Instead they killed the franchise. Again the trilogy wasn't the place to take risks, the Star Wars Story movies were the place to experiment and take risks.

[@williamarcher8780]

I'm guessing the idea was to keep it open ended so that they could be flexible and adjust to fan response. Kinda like what RLM said about how Thanos wasn't fleshed out until later, but at least the MCU knew it was leading up to him. Also it keeps the story more leak proof.

[@phuctifyno1]

I love how Half In The Bag’s special Star Wars review set looks like an intervention.

[@hamburgerhelpersalisburyst1507]

"Hi, my name is Mike and I'm an alcoholic."

[@laserbeamlightning]

The usual episodes look like a crack den so I suppose it’s appropriate

[@niclennox2555]

In a way....it is.

[@silverschannel8578]

at least it's not as depressing as the Star Trek videos, thanks Abrams! And Kurtzman!

[@quinn7876]

@@hamburgerhelpersalisburyst1507 “Hi, Mike.”

[@TheLonelyGoomba]

Mike gave more thought to Palpatine being in the movie than the people who made the movie.

[@andylikesstuffchannel]

Only feesable explanation 😂 😂 😂

[@MrDawnRise]

As always...sigh

[@rickylovesyou]

@@kyoto5 you legitimately have a low IQ triggered emo boi.

[@Spootnik]

That's because Mike is a star wars fan

[@VideoMeltdown]

"Can we sell an action figure of this guy?" "Yes, multiple versions, in fact" "Put him in the movie"

[@hokieham]

The clips of Rich laughing in the theatre is the best thing I’ve ever heard.

[@bellesogne]

The old woman at the end was Camie Marstrap. She's been waiting around all this time at Tosche Station for Luke to swing by and pick up those darn power converters.

[@adamjensen8702]

"Did you just say Rey SKYWALKER?! YOUR FATHER HAS A LOT TO ANSWER FOR!"

[@seleccionmultiple2905]

I had to see on internet who is Camie and the actress looks astonishly well for her age.

[@Vectrex-xd6qi]

That would have been so nice. Unfortunately the Tatooine Elder is played by Ann Firbank.

[@wackattackjack]

Imagine the logistics of getting those horses on the space ship. They loaded them up, quartered them, fed them, cleaned up their shit just in the off chance they’re be needed in a high altitude space battle.

[@RobTunes]

A high-altitude *space battle* With horses It’s all madness

[@therealMrA]

What the hell are horses doing in Star Wars?

[@_cameraboy]

@@RobTunes Great points there Hawkeye...no seriously.

[@MrAlcazar]

Yeah, when I saw that in the trailer, I was like, "This is going to be fucking RETARDED!"

[@dariabusek3566]

>>the logistics of getting those horses

[@lobsterminion693]

"1000 death star star destroyers" That sounds like a plot device that my little brother would come up with, then discard for being too stupid.

[@frankmerker630]

Jay's sigh/groan is a perfect response to the idea

[@decespugliatorenucleare3780]

yeah but how little? like, 4 or 5

[@Lost_n_Found_1]

Yeah, but they doubled down on the stupid when they decided it was 10,000 star destroyers. I LoL'd so hard.

[@karimshebeika8010]

@@Lost_n_Found_1 guess in 10 years Georg Lukas gonna be like "GUUUUYS I was joking, did you really think I sold SW to DIsney? Was all a part of a big Performance Art Piece

[@123videos456]

When you try to think about it from a logical standpoint it just sounds extra stupid. So fake Palestine in Return of the Jedi needed a giant space station to trick the rebels so he can one shot their fleet. After that failed, the real Palestine created a Snoke to covert a planet into a essentially another Death Star all the while as he has 10,000 Star Destroyers equipped with planet killing lasers essentially making Star Killer Base a big waste of time and money. According to legends a Class I Imperial Star Destroyer has a crew of around 37,000 (not counting Stormtroopers). So 37,000,000 crewman are just hanging out on a planet that needs a MacGuffin device to leave scary lightning planet. All the while not addressing how all these ships got built after the Empire crumpled.

[@BT-su1yf]

So the fleet of Star Destroyers that Palpatine lifted out of the ground, nobody had known about until it suddenly appeared. Which is great, because it's ALWAYS a good idea, in a movie, to introduce a huge new threat and then dispose of it in the same act.

[@davidure3799]

Hundreds of ships carrying 40,000+ personnel each, all hidden…..under ice. Got it.

[@toboraton]

100% right! Remember in No Country for Old Men when Josh Brolin just wandered around aimlessly, and then Javier Bardem is introduced as a killer and immediately hit by a car? It was genius!

[@BT-su1yf]

@@toboraton exactly! Or like in Kill Bill where the Bride traveled around the world, seeing the sights, and then in the last 10 minutes of the movie Bill showed up and shot her in the head but she recovered instantly and got up and killed him!

[@c.c.l.9139]

Mike is just a clone of Mr. Plinkett that he made in his basement.

[@AGoodVibe]

A tank of Plinketts

[@faidheanta2611]

@@AGoodVibe jar*

[@RegazozoGaming]

Had to do something with all the dead hooker bodies

[@CornyBum]

His existence itself is like poetry, it rhymes...

[@RegazozoGaming]

@allright715 MIND BLOWN!!!

[@DrViperVideos]

Sooo wtf was the point of the knights of ren?

[@antwanscott97]

Toys

[@thebipman]

Kylo kills his homies who did nothing but shadow him.

[@Ammoniumbicarbonat]

They should have been central characters in Episode VIII, developed as part of Kylo’s story, except that film was totally wasted

[@ZaxxonHK47]

They were a throwaway line in ep7 and people got over hyped.

[@AgentDearestZ]

@@ZaxxonHK47 No they were hyped by Disney. Dont blame the viewers for what the corporate failed to deliver upon.

[@trahnettilhcs]

“The cast is good, some ideas are okay, but overall, it’s a clusterf***.” The perfect summation of this film, this trilogy, and Disney now owning Star Wars.

[@JohnnyZenith]

The cast isn't good.

[@pittland44]

I feel bad for the actors. They didn't deserve this nonsense.

[@pittland44]

@@JohnnyZenith I would be curious to see what they would do in a completely different movie.

[@lundylow]

7:47 "You don't know that." Roger Ebert reviewed the Mr. Plinkett Phantom Menace videos. Mike's nervous "I guess I don't" is very founded. A LOT of people saw it, and it's been around for a while. There's a very good chance someone involved was familiar with it.

[@ac8911]

C3PO's moment in Episode IV - where he helps save everyone from the trash compactor (but in his self-absorbed anxiety assumes he killed them) - gave him far more humanity than any of his scenes in the past 3 films

[@thetandfpodcast]

Thank you! When Anthony Daniels says he didn't have a heroic moment, I was like, "The damn trash compactor!"

[@JeffVaderVEVO]

Actually past 6 films because he’s basically been useless fan service since the first prequel movie

[@seniorstamos6642]

He just wants one last look at his “friends”. Because this is all about family.

[@Corbomite_Meatballs]

@@seniorstamos6642 Don't subvert my expectations like that.

[@iforgot87872]

@@JeffVaderVEVO do you know what order these movies were made in?

[@vonnshlabbah]

" the smart choice would have been not to make the movies. "

[@cometmoon4485]

Nah. Who doesn't like space fights and John Williams music? "The smart choice would have been to plan it out extensively from the beginning."

[@Tehgoat]

"the smart choice" is to accept that this trilogy was WAY better than the fuck-ups known as The Prequels

[@FrahdChikun]

@@Tehgoat Other way around imo

[@genericuser-1]

@@Tehgoat not saying much lol

[@duncanlutz3698]

Even if this disney trilogy is better than the prequels, that bar was so low it was just resting on the ground. And even then I feel the "sequels' are worse. For one, they utterly fail as a trilogy in the first place, and I don't even want to call them sequels either. Pretty much everything that actually happened in the first 6 movies was ignored, and empty husks of the characters were brought forward as little more than 'member berries. And you might can argue some of these movies stand on their own as isolated entries... but even then each had massive problems. TFA never setups how the galaxy has changed so drastically in such a short time, punting all that to supplemental material. We can't take Emo Vader seriously at all, especially since he get's owned by Rey and wounded by a Stormtrooper: neither of whom have ever used a lightsaber before that day. I was never sure of Rey nor Kylo's motivations either. Why does Rey join the resistance and give up on her parents? She thought all this shit were folk tales and has no skin in this game. Why is there such a great darkness in Kylo and why does he worship Vader so much? He just comes across as an emo kid in need of a hug... and that's despite seeing him slaughter innocents! Then add some pointless actions scenes to keep things moving and avoid talking about how none of this makes sense (Rathtars... *sigh*) while just rehashing the first movie. I really shouldn't need to speak much about TLJ, but you can cut out the entire Canto Blight sequence AND Holdo and I don't think anything needed to be changed. Just say the FO was smart enough to be scanning for cloaked ships everytime they got near a planet (because ofc they would!). But even that doesn't explain the stpuidity of the chase scene in general nor the suicidally slow bombers at the beginning. And RoS... honestly just a hot mess. No explanation for how the Emperor gets back because we have to go on a series of unfortunate fetch quests! Like the emperor, far too many new characters are added far too late, none of them get properly introduced/explored, and the existing characters have pretty much nothing to do. It's just Rey/Kylo/Palpi for the most part doing anything worth doing. As mentioned, it was two movies haphazardly stitched together pretending it makes sense. At least the prequels were consistent and told a story: the rise of Palpatine's Empire and the fall of Anakin. The Disney trilogy is just a parasite wearing the dead husk of Star Wars to print money. There is no passion at all behind it, nor creative, nor planning. Just hollow corporate greed.

[@paulthompson8793]

The horse people charging on top of the star destroyer. " Hey commander, should we maybe just tilt the ship to get them off the hull? "

[@CopperParrot]

Na, the "horses" had grave boots. Because....reasons.

[@oscardighton8580]

how did they breathe in outer space?

[@aralornwolf3140]

Why not use proton torpedoes to take out the Star Destroyer's communication tower which isn't needed since any navigator has access to a computer which contains information such as force of gravity, the map of the planet, and how strong the repuslorlifts/engines are... with all of that, they are able to go up without hitting anything... I mean... the people in charge could tell all Xyston-Class Death Stars to tilt ships at a 50 degree angle at 20% engine power... that way... none of them hit one another. Then the arrival of the Rebel Fleet negates the movie's premise of needing the Wayfinders...

[@dylanmilne6683]

Commander: "nah we can't move the ship without coordinates from a nav beacon"

[@JGAbstract]

@@oscardighton8580 they weren't in outer space, they were hovering on a planet.

[@BigChungus1941]

"Whats your name?" "Rich"' "Rich who?" "... Rich Stoklasa"

[@zeroeien]

Synopsis of rise of skywalker: “Palpatine’s behind it all!!”

[@IndianaJoe0321]

... and Palpatine (Rey) wins, in the end. In fact, a Palpatine steals the Skywalker name and rides off into the sunsset.

[@DoomJeste]

"And I would have gotten away with it, if not for you meddling kids!"

[@myndlink]

You forgot how much "IT BROKE NEW GROUND!"

[@IndianaJoe0321]

Kathleen Kennedy sits on a throne of lies, @@myndlink.

[@C0wb0yBebop]

zeroeien 🙄 duh

[@MARCUSK298]

Mike, this is all your fault.. you single handedly sunk a multi billion dollar franchise by endorsing JJ Abrahams

[@joebuck4957]

Not true.

[@merlotpapi4930]

Fuck them for supporting Mr. JJ Alabama

[@auroraalpha34]

@@TheArtis4n Considering it was 4b just to buy the rights then multiple billions making all the movies, marketing, toys, theme park rides etc I'd be surprised if they made their money back multiple times over yet. Hence why they stopped developing the big movies cause they weren't making the money they needed to

[@artycharr]

@@auroraalpha34 well they havent made their investment back yet according to earnings reports.

[@seanmarkovich7563]

Lmao, JJ Abrahams

[@alexandertkeith3541]

The Last Jedi: 'Let the past die, kill it if you have to' The Rise of Skywalker: 'Long have I waited', 'The dead speak', 'Never forget who you are' The Last Jedi: 'No one's ever really gone' The Rise of Skywalker: 'You're gone father' - 'Yes, I am son' The Last Jedi: 'Take that ridiculous thing off', *Kylo smashes helmet* The Rise of Skywalker: Literally pieces it back together like a vase, 'Something the matter with my appearance General Hux?' The Last Jedi: 'Your parents were nobody. They were filthy junk traders' The Rise of Skywalker: 'RISE GRAND DAUGHTEEERRR' This is fast becoming my favourite Hollywood feud.

[@dostimesnoah]

let the past die is not the message of the last jedi but yeah everything else is spot on

[@yopwor]

Well I guess ‘no ones ever really gone’ is a theme in this movie too because everybody can come back from the dead apparently cause of the new force power that was introduced

[@vulekv93]

@@dostimesnoah they are literaly burning books and shrines in that movie, they are literaly killing the past in that garbage movie

[@IguanaFilmArts]

Star Wars fans had to come and scream at the Last Jedi for not fulfilling their expectations and having "plot holes" (SW fans dont know what plot-hole means) . Next to being Star Wars, the Last Jedi is actually also a decent film by itself. But at this point in time, it is impossible not to break some age old lore when innovating the story in a new direction. You Star Wars shitbags got with IX what you deserved. You got your vision. And oh boy was that vision a mess.

[@IguanaFilmArts]

@EVERSONG Sounds to me you absorbed quite the ammunition of parroted opinion of the usual Star Wars crowd that theorises years before a Star Wars film releases, and then only expects their theories to be shown in the films and nothing else.

[@ReworkToys]

I don't think I'm gonna watch movies anymore. Your reviews are always more entertaining than the actual movies. I'm so depressed. Please don't die Mike, Rich, and Jay (I guess).

[@bloodrunsclear]

I did cry. I always do at funerals

[@paullucci]

Underrated

[@joebuck4957]

Overrated

[@MihitsTilozi]

I want to see the offshoot about Palpatine's mild mannered son who wanted nothing to do with this whole ruling the galaxy business, and just wanted to raise his daughter

[@alexcorll90]

They're already making it into a sitcom for Disney+

[@wishfulthinkin3478]

Like Austin powers with Dr evil!!

[@SaarkinCho]

he doesn't have a daughter, but this is basically the plot of The Glove of Darth Vader

[@jaredkronk4614]

I'm guessing Force powers must skip a generation because of how easily he was stabbed to death. Either that or he was drunk

[@Redbullz23]

Yeah now we need a backstory of palpatine to explain all this poppycock

[@paulberstler8069]

At least Rey didn't kneel before monster mash and pledge her loyalty to the graveyard smash

[@CsykKrit]

It would have been done in a flash

[@creativecoyote8628]

Mike Love

[@eternalbeing3339]

😂

[@Pants.69]

As far as we know....

[@willmungas8964]

She used the monster mash’s graveyard smash against it instead

[@salty62]

I have to return to this amazing gem of a video at least once every few months.

[@dogechrist]

ive watched it 20 times today already

[@biohead66]

Watched this review like 40 times in total and I still haven't watched the actual movie.

[@dogechrist]

@@biohead66 same here 😅

[@wowt]

The old lady with aching bones will have her own spin-off on Disney+ in 2026.

[@samuelG009]

Lol what would they call it?

[@nonono9194]

Plot details just leaked this morning, Aching Bones Lady has to buy a new set of bones from Watto by winning the pod races, but it all goes wrong when a storm suddenly appears, will the old lady who cried storm make it out alive or has her past life of trolling children with fake storm threats caught up with her? Sequel being written by Lawrence Kasdan, Admiral Bone-to-pick makes his star wars villain debut

[@SutekhChroma]

Storm is coming up quick!

[@publiusventidiusbassus1232]

@@homerhat420 No one's ever really gone

[@lord123j]

“My Bones” a starwars story

[@MargarineKnife]

Palpatine's plan: 1. Send everyone on a huge treasure hunt to find him, even though he wanted them to come and could have just told them. 2. Get Kylo Ren to kill Rey... no wait! "The princess of Aldaraan foiled my plan" 2. Get Rey to absorb the memories of all the Sith... drat. She said no. 2. Absorb the essence from Rey and Kylo because diodes or something... That was my plan the whole time... This movie actually works really well if you understand that he's going senile.

[@Tuning3434]

@@JoeSyxpack The weirdest thing happened....I just read MargarinoKnife's comment just normally, but when I started reading your comment I just started reading it in "Mike Stoklasa's Palpatine voice".

[@greatestscott6599]

Perfect explanation - like those _Garfield_ edits where he's a figment of Jon's imagination.

[@MilesTailsProwerfan9]

@Greatest Scott Ah, that would be Garfield Minus, which got praise from Jim Davis.

[@LightBrand]

Palpy told bunch of crap to Kylo knowing he will try to pull a fast one and get Rey to kill Palpy which is what he wanted to begin with. Then he Palps inexplicably spills his intention to Rey so she can choose to not do it. Then Ben shows up and Palp found out he could just succ them and revive his body rather live as a girl.

[@BackPalSA]

My god. Palpatine is the JOE BIDEN OF STAR WARS.

[@jonnymurgatroyd7918]

Darth Vader : "Don’t be too proud of this technological terror you’ve constructed. The ability to destroy a planet is insignificant next to the power of the Force." Little did we know he meant you could use it to conjure many technological terrors.. :|

[@byronlovelace8379]

When Darth Vader said this, the force was a mysterious entity that took years of training to use and master. Now with Disney, the Force is a cheapened entity that everybody has, and can easily master to near omnipotent levels just from reading a few textbooks.

[@tristantully1592]

@@byronlovelace8379 Uhh, someone doesn't know that the Force has pretty much always been that.

[@Chameleonred5]

@@byronlovelace8379 ...And being taught by someone. Because that didn't stop being a requirement.

[@Rihcterwilker]

@@tristantully1592 not really. It was said that the force is in everyone and everything, but it doesn't mean that everyone is able to master it. Pretty sure that's why the skywalker lineage was special.

[@thesenate4070]

Tristan Tully yeah, that’s why after 3 years of training, Luke could BARELY pull his lightsaber towards him from 4 feet away. Seriously, fuck off.

[@weegee_hates_the_blind]

After 2 and a half years, I finally got around to watching this movie. Literally, my only motivation was so that I could watch THIS review. The movie was boring, the trilogy was a flop, and I'm ultimately dead inside when it comes to star wars.

[@ummdustry5718]

My friend organised a star-wars marathon last year, all nine movies over one long weekend. We started out with six or so people, only me and him stuck around for the sequels, and I was only there for his sake.

[@reek4062]

We'll always have the OT

[@steveb9713]

“It is a tale, told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing” - Rich Evans

[@celadon0451]

Rich Evans is truly a visionary. Such inspirational words.

[@SuperMovieLvr933]

Perfect for the Blu Ray cover.

[@prince_dogboy]

Macbeth?

[@KnuckleHunkybuck]

@Descartes' Apparition I think Shakespeare was quoting superstar Rich Evans.

[@MovelessRobot]

At what moment he say that?! I just lost it,just like everything in the rise of skywalker

[@richardmattocks]

“Passive progressive” is the greatest new term I’ve heard in a while and perfectly describes Disney.

[@dr6559]

Stepping Playlist 1 Very token, basically irrelevant attempts at being progressive (the two lesbians kissing in this movie or Lefou being “gay” in the Beauty and the Beast remake). They don’t actually give a shit about being progressive, they just want good publicity for money.

[@R3GARnator]

They're scared to death of being banned by the Chinese government is a big reason why.

[@maurymoto7219]

@@dr6559 My issue with this line of thinking though is that when is it ever going to not be considered "token"? If it was a man and a woman there would be no uproar what so ever...

[@AERallert]

@@maurymoto7219 Cry harder then.

[@KillahMate]

@Maury Moto I strongly dislike accusations along these lines because as you say whenever anyone does anything progressive smartasses on the Internet can accuse them of just doing it 'for the likes' or whatever, it's ad hominem bullshit... Except with Disney. They are just so blatantly pandering that it becomes difficult to assume good intentions. Watch Lindsay Ellis' video on the 'girlboss' archetype in Disney media for a good example. Not only is it patronizing on Disney's part, it's actively making the movies worse. Just like Star Wars, films like Captain Marvel or the new live action Mulan suffer because they can't allow their female protagonists full character arcs out of fear that at some point during the arc the character might be perceived as 'weak'.

[@ThatBlakeCampbell]

"The Palpatine on the Death Star was just a clone of him." Now you're just making Return of the Jedi worse.

[@keto3883]

i heared his body is damaged though. why would his real body get damaged if it was a clone :-) andwhy wouldn t he make a bunch of him.

[@treyhelms2574]

This just means that the Sequel trilogy isn't real Star Wars. Just like there is no Highlander 2.

[@keto3883]

@@LOLquendoTV wtf. think about your statment for 5min plz.

[@njorlpinipini]

It’s the same deal as the EU, where Palpatine has his secret vat and whenever he dies a new one is spat out

[@keto3883]

@@LOLquendoTV lmao

[@Hanky.SSCorp]

I still cannot believe this video still has 0 dislikes. The StarWars community are truly united by this review

[@PeachBoi_Real]

how would you know?

[@JohnDoe-un2cm]

Its called a browser extension

[@vcuheel1464]

All of the sith troopers were tiny Snoke clones.

[@totallynotalpharius2283]

@Danny Williams but that's literally part of star wars deal lol. Bit characters we can make toys out of

[@gretasstolendreams2154]

It's actually true, it's canon now.

[@DaSquareful]

@Danny Williams The Knights of Ren are a bunch of goth kids that stumbled across their Dads' improvised cosplay.

[@bkk397]

Really tiny though Like they fit into the head and operate the controls to the rest of the mechanical body

[@Kaiman_Gyoza]

It is so lame, that 9 movies in a row have one underlaying plot device: *plinkett voice* "Palpatine's behind it all."

[@mutinyontheark]

It's like poetry, it rhymes.

[@Patyx42]

Plinkett conjured JJ Abrams

[@weldin]

mutinyontheark Jar Jar is the key to all of this

[@whodatninja439]

@@Patyx42 Mr Plinkett ruined Star Wars CONFIRMED

[@markcobuzzi826]

Or maybe it was this pig... *cuts to picture of squealing piglet*

[@JCIce007]

"Passive progressive" is the best invented term of 2019.

[@anthonygreen6219]

Underrated comment. I laughed hysterically at that.

[@horseytown]

Good stuff. Shades of "slacktivist" which was used heavily in the late 2000s by actual left-wingers to attack superficial social justice progressives and shitlibs.

[@TboneTV0162]

horseytown there is no difference between them tho....

[@Xpwnxage]

I think COVID-19 has had more of an impact honestly

[@CerberusGX]

@@TboneTV0162 If you don't think there's a difference between real leftists and American liberals, you don't know enough about the left. Leftists hate liberals and the Democratic Party as much if not more than Republicans at this point

[@numinous2506]

I haven't even seen this movie in it's entirety but I've watched this review multiple times.

[@Metallijosh100]

This is my 4th time here, I think. I hate how reliably entertaining these lads are.

[@FringeSpectre]

@@Metallijosh100 Another channel you might like if you like or at least have a passing interest in comic books is ComicPop. They have that similar RLM vibe of just regular Joe's with integrity who chat and joke about the good, bad, and ugly in comic books. Their Back Issues series of videos is as addicting for me as these guys are, and I feel like they deserve way more subs than they have now.

[@wazeesmiff6524]

Watched multiple times. More than 6 times at least. Only seen movie once

[@finlay9616]

I've tried to watch the entire Rise of Skywalker but I've watched this well over two dozen times

[@DeusAndrew]

It's my favorite fall asleep video what can I say

[@DocSmouse]

I legitimately got told by people "if you just turned off your brain you would have enjoyed it". I never thought the meme was actually real.

[@codystork3008]

My family tells me this all the time followed by why can't you just enjoy the movie? My answer is always analyzing the movie can be just as much fun as watching it.

[@randomfools808]

Oh those people are very real. That's the GA in a nutshell.

[@misanthropicservitorofmars2116]

Cody Stork if the movie is good. Analysis makes it so much more enjoyable. You can get into It, and spend more time in your life thinking about it instead of just absorbing the colors and sounds for the duration of the movie.

[@lastmanstanding7155]

Memes! The DNA of the soul!

[@fecal_position6412]

I kept my brain on and seriously enjoyed this movie. The funniest film I've seen all year long.

[@dwightk.schrute6743]

Mike realizing that this is all his fault is one of the best things I've ever seen.

[@CruelestChris]

He was the key to all of this...

[@shadowreaverrising1753]

Yeah he said that dumb shit. He had to walk it back.

[@IsaiahAmos017]

Disney executives watched KZbin and we now pay the price

[@eras1066]

@@IsaiahAmos017 I'm still laughing at the fact that when Disney started on Star Wars, they took potshots at the Prequels like their movies wouldn't make them look like masterpieces by comparison.

I actually preferred that snippet of Star wars when he compared it to Star Trek. That new entry put me off the current gen of Star Trek movie series.

[@Comakino]

Can you imagine all the kids on all those Star Destroyers who were kidnapped and forced to work for the empire underground all those years? Rey arrives and they're like "it's go time! This is what we trained for!" Then they all died.

[@AstroWarped]

@Frizzurd That might be Anakin Solo in hiding though.

[@LazarusXavier]

Yep, the "heroes" committed mass genocide. Hooray. (Par for the course since Finn had a great time killing his fellow slaves in TFA)

[@Jean-Paul-Lane-Valley]

The funniest part is that this movie in particular has a whole legion of Stormtrooper deserters, I guess they don't think their ex teammates don't deserve a second chance.

[@Crocalu]

@@Jean-Paul-Lane-Valley From the POV of someone who isn't going to watch Rise of Skywalker, do you guys have any idea how fucking ridiculous all the new plot points sound? wow, my hat off to you JJ

[@GuitarSlayer136]

The rise of skywalker began with slaughtering younglings. And it ends with slaughtering younglings. If papa Palps is breathing you KNOW he got children on those ships.

[@willsaenz6320]

That point near the end about how Poe and Finn should have been together in The Last Jedi is so important. They had such a great dynamic in The Force Awakens, only for Finn to be sent off with a character who was annoying as hell in order to achieve literally nothing. (I'm not hating the Rose actress, she didn't deserve all that hate, it's not like she wrote the damn script)

[@BiggieTrismegistus]

It's funny. Everyone thinks Kelly Marie Tran stopped acting because of "toxic fans" but if you read the entire New York Times essay she wrote she never mentions mean fans on social media. She explicitly says that the toxicity of *Hollywood* and the film industry is why she left.

[@willsaenz6320]

@@BiggieTrismegistus it’s in the title of her essay, “I won’t be marginalized by online harassment”, and references the words used by toxic fans. Yes, she also mentions racism in Hollywood and society as a whole, but the fans (at least some) were responsible for harassment as well.

[@BiggieTrismegistus]

@@willsaenz6320Once again I'd suggest you read what she actually wrote. The title doesn't count because she didn't write it. The editor did. There is no mention of online harassment anywhere in the essay. It seems the editor and you desperately wish you could use her words to smear the fans for some reason but Kelly Marie Tran's essay doesn't give you any leeway to do that.

[@moonman375]

this trilogy was just a mess, there was no direction at any point. It felt like two kids playing with star wars toys and arguing about what the "right" way to play is. This movie in particular felt like a straight up fanfiction.

[@uwirl4338]

Even the visuals. The shot at the beginning with all the zombie star destroyers sitting in an uniform distribution in the sky looks like some previz an intern made in a few minutes using Blender, not a final shot in a multi million dollar blockbuster.

[@undeadnightorc]

Lucas was mocked for wanting to fill each frame with overwhelming detail and we all assumed this new trilogy wouldn't repeat the same mistake. It's almost like JJ is just trolling us now.

[@ngmajora6986]

*NUH UH YOU DIDN'T KILL ME I TELEPORTED MY LIGHTSABER ACROSS THE UNIVERSE BEFORE YOU COULD HIT BE*

[@KaiserMattTygore927]

Agreed, and to go even further, I would say that unlike the Prequels, these films won't have the "nostalgia" power for it to ever have a resurgence, even if the next trilogy that's inevitably made, sucks even bigger nuts. There's just no substance to these films whatsoever, and RLM pointed out a great thing, that the three main leads easily could've been the Han/Leia/Luke of the 2010's had these films been planned out :/

[@hellsong23]

A lack of appreciation that a planet destroying laser on every single star destroyer is idiot levels of overkill.

[@jodran5228]

Palpatine having a child means that somebody did the Monster Mash and pledged their loyalty to the Graveyard Smash. Anyone do this yet?

[@nolandavis1129]

Who wouldn’t wanna be palped by papa palpatine.

[@mangalores-x_x]

If he had children as senator it would not be monster face. Rey being a Palpatine was kind of them reverting to one of the more obvious fan theories and possibly not too bad a choice... if you'd spent the actual trilogy about it, not hamfist it in for some nonsensical climax.

[@ethanwilkins6033]

Palpatine managed to get himself into someone’s Palpapussy.

[@Corbomite_Meatballs]

Y'all keep forgetting IVF and other ways of getting the ladies a baby bump w/o the manual inserter.

[@houseofmartok4518]

Jodran - LMAO!

[@zarstamuno4101]

What I love about the whole dagger thing, is that the way-finder ends up being in the Throne Room. They say it will take them years to find it without the dagger, but if you were told to search the entire Death Star, the first place you'd probably start searching would be one of the most important rooms in the thing - the Throne Room.

[@SaladofStones]

I know its the least of the problems, but the death star is in an ocean right? What's to stop it from shifting or collapsing.

[@seanbeadles7421]

@@SaladofStones it’s the size of a small moon, it probably is solidly on the ground. Or force magic that’s more Star Wars-ey

[@ekathe85]

That was the stupidest thing ever. Besides she was standing in the exact right spot. If she was anywhere else on that coast, the perspective would have been completely fucked up and she would have had to pull some serious The Witness puzzle shit to find the place

[@SaladofStones]

@@seanbeadles7421 It fucking blew up. Not everything in Star Wars was magic, the force was a largely unknown art come the original trilogy.

[@seanbeadles7421]

@@SaladofStones whoosh

[@DannyOfOurTime]

These Star Wars & Star Trek reviews have become my comfort food. I can watch them over and over and they are just as good every time.

[@MrOSUrocker]

Oh my God, the idea of super old Watto greeting Rey at the end of the movie is one of the funniest things I've ever heard / envisioned

[@BaggyTheBloke]

"Rey Skywalker? Eyyyy! I used to own two of ya! Come here, I'll show ya where I used ta beat your great great grandma!"

[@Avalon_1991]

She tries to use the force on him and he says his species is immune to the force.

[@ruledtrendy5066]

​@@Avalon_1991ah but it's Rey. Somehow she'd have super duper Jedi mind tricks 🤦 I really hate Rey. I'm a full on Reycist

[@abraxas4261]

​@@Avalon_1991 This sets up the Yuuzhan Vong trilogy

[@MrErikWesterberg]

I loved that several times in the film, the heroes talked about that the strom troopers of the first order were abducted children, and implied that not all of them were bad, and then proceded to show us a scene where our heroes guns down like 30 of them.

[@UltimaKeyMaster]

And one of those scenes is *FUCKING * they murder all of them, it's hysterical.

[@winnetu9142]

And then also proceed to blow up thousands of them at the end

[@isukumi]

Children bad homicide good

[@Tamo1848]

It’s arguably a bigger problem in the first one. At least here it has been a while and a certain amount of dehumanization is going to happen as a result of being a soldier fighting against the same people for so long. The first movie has Finn cheering as he blows up people who were as of twenty minutes ago his work mates. The first one even had blood in it which makes the humanity of the clones more clear. But then again the second movie put extra emphasis on the whole abduction/anyone can be a hero thing. Only for the third movie to give us very long shots of clones tumbling down smacking the ground. All in all the movies seem to want clones to be redeemable which is I think good and morally necessary if a higher up like Vader can be redeemed then grunts should be too. It give us this only to then doing nothing with it.

[@UltimaKeyMaster]

@@Tamo1848 Slight correction they're not clones. They haven't been clones since the middle of 3+4. They're forcibly conscripted children brainwashed into being troops... which makes this angle infinitely worse.

[@OfficialMaxBox]

"Passive progressive" might be one of the funniest terms I've heard in a while

[@00253]

Gotta say that to my English teacher

[@SpadaccinoLuciano]

And accurate.

[@joelbrown2625]

Agreed.

[@johnneveu1718]

I've used it in conversation since I saw this HitB. I want it to catch on

[@AnalyticalMenace]

Also known as: failing upwards.

[@fridayman99]

Some food for thought: These guys sitting in a small studio with a tiny budget have created something far more entertaining than the biggest film studio with $275 million

[@rvllctt871]

But it needed the @275 million movie for it to mean anything.

[@fridayman99]

@@rvllctt871 Good point :)