Relational Trauma: Why am I so negative?

[@debrap947]

I did take the quiz and it says there may be moderate relational trauma. I believe my trauma came from more sources than just my mother. I'm pretty negative "naturally" so being a negative person does push people away. I'm also what is going around as a HSP. 😑

[@AnnieWrightTherapist]

Hi @debrap947, you raised such an important point in your comment -- "I believe my trauma came from more sources than just my mother." Your comment is so important because relational trauma/childhood trauma doesn't just happen at the hands of caregivers. It can happen at the hands of siblings, other authoritarian adults (coaches, teachers), and even because of organizations and communities (cults, churches, etc). My current quiz -- written in 2021 -- doesn't reflect the broadness of these nuances. I've learned a lot in the last few years that have expanded my thinking as a trauma therapist. I hope to have a more nuanced version of the quiz soon that will address your experience (which is shared by so many others!). Thank you for taking the time to let me know this. I'm grateful for your feedback.

[@ElaineMoore-vb7cy]

Excellent video! I have been using the gratitude exercises and also mindfulness; they have been helping! I plan on trying aerobic exercise and visualizing best future self!

[@AnnieWrightTherapist]

Gosh, I really appreciate your feedback! It says a lot about you that you're actively practicing some of the exercises I recommend. I can't wait to hear how it goes for you! Thanks for being part of the community in the comments.

[@blefnefnef]

This does help a ton - thank you. I was mentally & physically abused as a child & young adult. My first time having sex was someone date raping me. My mother & brother shot themselves in the head & so have a lot of my close friends. 2x, narcissistic abuse survivor, both lasted around 3 years. I dont want to be a victim, i want to be a survivor. I just want understanding & to get to a sense of normalcy & sometimes it feels like it will never happen. Thank you so much for helping myself & other people process these things, & learn how to rewire their brains.

[@katiewarren443]

Sending you 💕

[@AnnieWrightTherapist]

I'm so sorry that this happened to you. Thank you for sharing your story with such bravery. I’m so sorry for all the trauma and loss you’ve experienced. It’s truly commendable that you’re seeking understanding and striving for normalcy despite everything. Your strength and resilience are inspiring, and it’s an honor to be part of your healing journey. Remember, you are not alone, and taking it one step at a time is a significant achievement. Keep going, and know that you have support here.

[@AnnieWrightTherapist]

Thank you for being a kind and supportive member of these KZbin comments @katiewarren443.

[@blefnefnef]

@@AnnieWrightTherapist I appreciate you saying all of that Annie, & appreciate anyone trying to help others. If it helps anyone out there to know, I dont feel brave/resilient/inspiring, I feel broken & held together by fraying string. I dont think I'll ever do to anyone what my lil bro & mother did to me by committing suicide; that said, I dont hold it against them or anyone else who feels that their only remaining option; I understand. Taking it one step at a time has been the only way - but it definitely feels too slow/stagnant sometimes - & sometimes its admittedly 1 step forward & 10 steps back. As far as sharing my story, I like to look at it like this; if hearing my story & talking about my trauma or how I am getting/got through it can help another individual, & can help them to not have the same trauma/s repeated in their life, or help lessen them, or help them through their troubles/trauma, or make them feel a little less alone, it's all a lot more quantified/worth having gone through it. The human experience is painful, but its less painful together, or should be. Im learning not to trauma dump though, not to be so free with my heart & information; because I relate to other people easily, it's easy for me to share, even with a stranger. The 2 narcissists definitely took advantage of what I shared & tried to use what they could against me. Im also learning that nobody can take my peace if I don't give it to them, & its bringing me so much power & peace back into my life. Huge mental shift. I digress, thank you all for the kind words, love, & support.

[@kimlec3592]

After a lifetime of violence by so called loved ones, telling yourself the truth is vital. Not negative. At all. What you survived was plenty negative. It is time we tell the truth & are not silenced about the hell we go though/went through.

[@AnnieWrightTherapist]

Hi Kim, Thank you for sharing this. You’re right-acknowledging what you’ve been through is vital, and it’s not about being negative. It’s about being truthful, which is an important step in healing. It’s so important that these experiences aren’t silenced. Warmly, Annie

[@rahraharielw]

This was so great! I thought Annie’s suggestions for actions to build positive thinking we really practicable.

[@AnnieWrightTherapist]

So glad you found this helpful!

[@robertafierro5592]

We are everything we have experienced. Its not our fault. Finding a balance takes the rest of our lives..honest people, truth tellers are genrally disliked because they pose a challenge to those who continue to lie about the facts.

[@AnnieWrightTherapist]

We are indeed everything we've experienced. As Dr. Bessel van der Kolk would say, those of us who have lived through trauma have a constellation of symptoms that tell our story. Now, whether or not those who contributed to our trauma want to "hear" that story is not always the case...

[@robertafierro5592]

Theres nothing wrong with isloating yourself from liars and cheats. Its actually HEALTHY!

[@AnnieWrightTherapist]

I totally agree with you. And I don't call that isolation; I call that boundaries. I actually wrote a post about estrangement when it's in our best interest here: anniewright.com/brittle-broken-bent-coping-with-family-estrangement/ I hope it feels helpful for you to read! I plan to write much more about estrangement.

[@Starstorm111]

@blfnefnef I hope you take time for yourself.. pray and find at least one healthy person with who you can little by little have a bond and feel safe.. I was abused as a kid also by my mother.. and have a sad story in my family.. it’s a journey.. but it is possible to heal.. Carnivore diet is helping me a lot for depression and having a strong body and a healthier nervous system just in case… Microdosing ( on my own rhythm) to proces emotions.. You have to start taking care of yourself, face solitude, loneliness and pain.. welcome those feelings even if is not easy.. use music, journaling, nature.. walks, self caring talk.. therapy.. little by little.. best on your healing journey.. I wish u the best of recoverings to your true self