Relationship OCD - Common Obsessions and Compulsions

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[@vivaldirules]

“Unless you stop mental analyzing on these topics you will not recover.” Yes. Thank you, Ali.

[@Chippy88]

Not easy

[@ocdbrainfreeze320]

OCD is a real thing..like running uphill with a weighted vest or hearing a fire alarm but theres no fire.

[@karolinakisacova6779]

Imagine how many people are still desperately searching for answer/ what is going on with them and they cannot find this diagnosis. I did this for 7 months straight until I found out about ROCD. Thanks a lot for your information!

[@hollyk7052]

I can think of some ocd behaviors from when I was 16, and I’m just now realizing it at 26. It’s exhausting tbh

[@Chippy88]

It takes years away from your life. But I always think about kids or teenagers that have it and think they ate crazy. Scared to even tell their parents. I know that there has to be alot of these teenagers that kill them selves. I keep saying I would love to give speeches about this in schools. I know it would help and save some lives.

[@ahill9477]

I have learned so much from this wonderful lady. She is the guru of OCD.

[@arjunmrao4039]

Absolutely Right you are . . ALI GREYMOND is the EMPORER OF OCD & ANXIETY . .

[@adamlewis5073]

My God, for 20 years I've been wondering what I have.... I just happened to stumble upon this video, and I finally KNOW what I have and will seek therapy for it. Thank you!

[@ciaraskeleton]

I always try to remember that when I'm spiralling, that if I keep up the mental analysing, its going to be relieved and then come back with a vengeance. No amount of compulsion will ever satisfy the fear, so the only option is to be brave with the thoughts and let them go with love ❤

[@thelife_ofkhushi]

Are you fully recoverd?..please reply

[@ciaraskeleton]

@@thelife_ofkhushi not even close, but I have plethora of mental illness

[@ciaraskeleton]

@@thelife_ofkhushi I'm sorry my reply wasn't more comforting! You have to face the scary thoughts one by one, use mindfulness to ground yourself and breathe through those feelings. Radically accept the thoughts, become their best friend. Literally talk to them and say "okay cool, you're just a thought and you don't scare me bro, youll pass like every other" (it sounds crazy but it works!). The more you face the thoughts and the feelings attached to them, while checking in with yourself and breathing, you find that the thoughts one day just don't frighten you as much or send you into a spiral. Remember that no thought or feeling will last forever, it will always pass. Trust that and trust your own strength 💪 Im having major trouble with other intrusive thoughts and ocd, ptsd/cptsd, insomnia etc. I have my good weeks and bad weeks (or months), so right now I don't feel I can preach at you or give advice! But these coping skills save my life in good or bad times, so I hope it helps a little!

[@thelife_ofkhushi]

​@Ciara thankyou but I'm still at the same place just a little bit better

[@helenjones3515]

Is it common to have intrusions - “do I find him attractive” and monitoring days where I don’t. I also get triggered by comments by other people as people have made comments about my partner not being attractive or that they ‘wouldn’t put us together’ so I assume people mean that they think he’s unattractive. And get embarrassed people will think he’s unattractive when they look at him even though generally I think he really is! I think the comments and judgement I have had encouraged and reinforced my doubts!!

[@fortheloveofteaching9514]

You’re amazing Ali! Thank you for all that you do.

[@samealey8517]

Love the attitude talk at the end! 🏆👏

[@thatgirl5630]

This helped so much, I am currently in a horrible episode BC I am in a VERY FRESH relationship, he asked me out yesterday and I’m freaking out. I’m so scared, my brain keeps telling me “R U SURE I LIKE HIM? R U EVEN ATTRACTED TO HIM?? DONT GET TOO CLOSE BC WHAT IF U DONT LIKE HIM U NEED TO LEAVE!!!!” Its soooo hard, my chest physically hurts. I’m so tired and it’s only been two days. And I’m over analyzing everything he does or says or appearance and I feel like a awful person BC he accepts me 100%

[@Becca-UK]

Subscribed 💕 you are fantastic. Thank god I found your videos on this, I’m at breaking point and struggling to cope ☹️ I’m going to watch your stages to recovery ones. I’ve only just found out about ROCD. Didn’t know about it. But thank god I have found out about it. It explains everything and now I know what’s happening. I’m so desperate. I can’t cope with it anymore ☹️ thank you so much, this was so helpful. Going to watch your other videos. 😃 🙏

[@alexgreen1913]

Omg. This hit home. I would analyze every single day. My is mental 😰

[@poocumber7806]

Wow, thank you this is so helpful, it really puts me on the right track

[@leahrivers3243]

Thanks a bunch. What a help you are!!

[@oliviaoostenbrug7977]

I really needed to see this video. Thank you

[@geetakharel4471]

Everyday I fight with my boyfriend because I don’t trust him even tho he’s always in communication. Once I start getting these thought I am unable to do anything else.

[@rowanlafontaine675]

Do you have an insta or a Twitter? I’d love to be able to talk about this with someone else

[@nofuxxAce]

Rowan Lafontaine hey, i struggle with the same thing and if you dont mind i would like to contact you on instagram as well, my insta is selfmadeshanta

[@elmarieduplessis9081]

I have the same problem. This causes fights between me and my boyfriend and I need constant reassurance.

[@NatalieNicole2222]

not good. but you are not alone i have the same. My new bf is great but i cant believe it that there are men who really love and are not cheating. And when i get rocd thoughts i am paralized

[@strawhat9179]

Yeah Ali thanks so much today I’ve had a little setback in my hocd recovery but imma keep going till I finish once and for all

[@user-lovebeaches]

Wonderful advice!

[@Juliiebee]

Amazing video . Thank you

[@fobluv2011]

Can the thoughts make me think "I have no more feelings" because it's making me cry and feel awful

[@Nix-dw5sm]

Yes! ROCD can make you feel numb sometimes. I'm also struggling with it. Hope you're doing better ❤️

[@Julia_Berrrlin]

@@Nix-dw5sm thanks foe sharing

[@Trustds07]

Before understanding the depth of my fear of losing my girlfriend I got numb after a year- broke in to a deep depression (September last year) Now I know the extent and yes- it can make you numb and personally it’s one of the worst parts... and it can take long unless it’s treated

[@ThePinkadelic]

@@Trustds07 the same.. I started with ROCD since september too.. I'm in therapy, but I still feel without feelings and disconnected from my partner , I thought that I was the only one that had this numbness for so long (sorry for my english)

[@Sunshine-ku4op]

I am suffering from rocd .. I have to constantly remind myself that I love my boyfriend.. I am so sad and hurt .. that because of me .. my relationship will suffer😔😔

[@anushsaghatelyan2955]

Thank you Ali for everything you are doing for us.Can you make another video about de realization and the thoughts concerning it

[@umanggupta4769]

In harm OCD, one most important thing is differentiating between actual FACTS of the situation and reassurance. Your views on how to differentiate between the same.

[@albertfigueroa11]

Amazing!!!!

[@khalidalboloshi6544]

Thank you very much Ali

[@tommytommy1240]

Hi Ali, thanks as always! I have a few questions, last few years I've been recovering from childhood trauma, bulling, losing a parent, physical trauma and currently I'm in stage 4 of recovering of Homo ocd and relationship ocd and a few other themes. I've been in an amazing, caring and loving relationship the last 2 years and she has been my angel by my side, helping with my recovery and standing me by. She's had harm ocd herself when she was young and still has some symptoms of ocd, mainly because she is also a very sensitive person. So she understands what I'm going through and is always there for me. I can see ocd comes from the feeling of being in danger/under attack in this world and a deep a disire to feel secure/safe and loved. It's the mind asking a million times a day; am I safe, am I in danger, am I safe, is that person safe, am I strong and can I handle this situation, can I trust that person, can I trust myself, am I safe, are you sure, are you really sure??? Can you answer the following question in your next Q&A session? The question is: I'm in a (difficult) healing process at the moment and I am so grateful I have her in my life and love her so much. And sometimes feel that its hard to remember all the beautiful moments we have had together. Like that I was not really there in the moment, which I know is normal with ocd. I also experienced derealisation and depersonalisation at that moment. What is a healthy amount of gratitude? What is the balance between letting go and just going for what you want for yourself, for her, us together and for the future. Because ocd is about just letting the thoughts say what they want and not paying attention and do what you want. But it's also about not fixing to much on a certain person who situation or future plan. Because then it makes you feel it's a compulsion because you don't want to let go. So I'm a bit stuck. I don't have feelings of high anxiety anymore, mostly subtle feelings/thoughts of doubt, the need to confess, restlessness, feeling of not being In the moment. I don't do conscious compulsions anymore, I can see the mind patterns repeating themselves constantly, but it's still there. So what amount and which thoughts are healthy and helpful and which are not? Thanks in advance! Much love

[@fs8212]

Rocd is the worse😭 i love my boyfriend I don’t want to but the thought is telling me my anxiety it’s because of him it telles me break up cause you are gonna hurt him it tells me you don’t love him enough but i Do it makes me think im bad and im staying because of guilt but i am not i love him so so so much it was perfect until two months ago we are dating for 5years 😭😭😭

[@licaleu5784]

I understand you so well. I moved in with my boyfriend two years ago and I felt like everything is now perfect. Now OCD hit me and I am afraid of falling in love with some other guy. Hope you find help soon. I visit a behavioural therapist once a week now and I hope it gets better.

[@fs8212]

Lica Leu hopefully 😭 I hate this feeling

[@amansethia8989]

are you trying for re-assurance? What happened with me was as soon as I used to watch another girl,I used to compare and the result was I felt like the other girl is better.The more you think,the more ocd will hit you.Just ignore.Along with thoughts,OCD plays with feelings also...Right?

[@fs8212]

Rocky Smith yea exactly 😭 I’m so tired of fighting it

[@amansethia8989]

@@fs8212 These are false feeling and meaningless thoughts. Actually,you are in a state where you dont even know what is happening with you.Just say to yourself that "I will ignore everything"-whether its a thought,or feelings or sensations or images or WHATEVER IT MAY BE.

[@umanggupta4769]

Hi Ali. Can you explain the difference between thought suppression and disregarding the thoughts

[@indigoechos6796]

Thank you so much

[@patti8178]

The best

[@samhithasreenivasan5263]

Hello Ali, I hope you are doing well. I had a question . Do we use the same exposure therapy for irrational fearful thoughts as well.? I have the fear of mismatching faces. I like someone now and I have the fear that i might remember someone else's face while i want to think about him.

[@thelife_ofkhushi]

Does anybody gets intrusive thoughts about their ex while being in a new relationship... intusive thoughts like what if i want to go back to my ex... and again and again checking if you really feel that way but you don't want to go back and repeatedly getting the memories and the name of your ex playing on loop in your head. Please somebody say something I'm really frustrated.

[@daniemotioninsound]

It happened to me and I felt very guilty... what helped me was: to process the break up, to accept those thoughts and feelings and not be resistant to them (if resistance is present the intrusive thoughts are even worse), and to remind myself that we broke up for a (valid, NOT OCD) reason, that he wasn't good for me, that I didn't feel good in that relationship... because I saw only good things and good feelings for him (now that he's distant). But it's not just that and it's not that easy. If thoughts are still active after all that, try to follow what Ali said - whenever a thought about ex comes up, know that it's OCD, and that you don't want to get back with your ex. Acknowledge the thoughts (don't suppress them, because then they'll be even worse), but don't feed them. See them and move on. See them and move on. See them and move on :)

[@AJ_s000]

Yh this is me right now

[@Angie_bae]

Turning the car around to see if I ran someone over, thinking about people after their damage was done and over anylizing every past argument, worrying if I’m gonna cheat, etc. it’s sickening. It gets worse over time. I wasn’t like this a few years before

[@arjunmrao4039]

Start Treating your problems at the earliest.. earlier the better, so that you can recover quickly .. ALL THE VERY BEST ..

[@Mariam111_]

You are a 🌟

[@dytt2696]

Do you use your email for contact? Or any other platform for private questions? Would be helpful indeed.

[@JerryMusicOfficial]

Which video’s shows the patterns you mentioned at the end of this video?

[@sandraareias2871]

How about relationship with the parents? My son is 16 and for almost 2 years he chose not to speak with us. We can’t even touch him. He used to be my best friend. It has been awful and we don’t know what else to do

[@elmarieduplessis9081]

How do I stop analyzing if it keeps popping up over and over? 😭

[@user-yc7mw5oh6j]

idk if ur still struggling or what type of thoughts ur having but it helps me to remember that my thoughts aren’t real our minds just pop anything out of them even if we don’t really believe them so just remember that ur thoughts aren’t reality and that there’s no reason for u to believe they are real if u don’t analyze and just let the thoughts pass through ur mind they will slowly fade just try ur best to ignore them and remember that it’s ur ocd talking not any actual concern

[@Android25K]

Accept it. Say yes to what it says and don't try to deny it. I know it isn't easy but it's pretty much the best way and what has helped me

[@agnesalaite4834]

sometimes I feel like I communicate with a partner through reluctance.

[@ralu5784]

Hello. I don't know what stage I'm at but something's bothering me. I have ROCD for a few years but I've always been on off and I always got rid of. A few weeks ago he came back, at first I had anxiety but for a few days I no longer have, which scares me even more and makes me feel the thoughts like being true. I think the fact that I don't have anxiety scares me even more and I believe in thoughts. I also have moments in the day when I don't have these thoughts, as if everything is fine, but immediately appear again. I show up especially when I'm around my boyfriend, it's like my mind is making sure it's the way he says it is, that I don't love him. It's not something I'm thinking, it shows up in seconds one when I see it. that gives me the feeling that these thoughts are real. how can I do ERP correctly? And why do they feel so real?

[@thelife_ofkhushi]

@@justaghostsippinacaprisun9177 by doing this are you fully recovered now?

[@KuninKat]

Idk why I'm embarrassed to say it but idk if I have ocd or not but I have obsessions with making lists of things I have an obsession of making a list of names it's been like that for years and it's so annoying and it nags at me its mellowed down now but it still happens

[@zoeanastasia5027]

Is it normal that you have anxiety around your partner, when you never had anxiety before the ocd, we had the best relationship I felt calm happy comfortable at home, at peace I notice. When we saw each other recently I was really nervous had panic attacks, things were irritating me, I was angry and moody a lot. I notice myself checking how I feel when he’s around do I feel excited love happy etc

[@johanareyes6093]

Omg SAME

[@lindaraesmutz4929]

SAMEEEEEEEEEE

[@youshorts7097]

Thanks you mam

[@ayeitsdowny4982]

I’m having thoughts that I have a crush on an old crush and it’s making me go insane I feel terrible

[@balasubramaniamkajanan7598]

Madam ,how i overcome sexual intrusive thoughts , sexual obsessidons??

[@johnrainsman6650]

I've discovered that I'm jealous of my mom. And the reason why is because whenever we have a fight, it's always MY fault. I have very bad OCD, and it makes me lose it, get touchy, flip out, and yell. I always apologize in the end, but the shame wrecks me. Convinces me I'm a bad son and bad person. I haven't been doing better, even despite my prayers. You know, there are pairs in life where one person is practically always right and the other person is practically always wrong. Like, the winning/innocent wife and the losing/guilty husband. Well, basically, I feel that way about my mom and me. I own that I screw up and lose my cool and make our arguments worse, with my emotions, pride, and OCD. It is my fault. But that's the problem. It's always my fault. I'm always the loser here. I don't take pride in being right; I'm fine with being wrong sometimes, especially everyone is at some point. But with my mom, it's aways her 👍and me👎. If she was morally wrong a few times, that would help, because it just makes her and me equally human. But no, I'm the lesser human here. This isn't as simple as "human beings make mistakes" or "Everybody has flaws." No, I'm part of the _real_ pathetic humans of this world, like Nick Godejohn or Joe Biden or any other politicians. I am always the source of our fights and my flaws and mistakes lead to them. I just can't seem to stop my behavior, and in addition, I have to be the loser here. I don't know what to do. If I could take a buIIet for her I would. I wish I could make up for my faults, redeem myself, and...be right at some point. Like I said, I'm jealous of her.

[@thesyrianrajiaswad2682]

How can I do ERP for my partner focused OCD ..l keep focusing and checking her nose and feeling bad about it ... because I feel if I meant to look at her nose it would be checking rituals and if I ignore it would be avoidance

[@chrisbarajas3765]

this is so confusing. I think I have to stop checking my phone to see if she texts me , but should I stop texting all together? before it was so easy, anything to do with your obsession just leave it alone and ride the wave of anxiety. Now… I can’t f*cling tell how I’m feeding it. I think my biggest thing is checking my phone but im afraid of: - when should I text her - should I reply ? - should I ignore her? This is my girlfriend, idk it scary. Can anyone pls help.

[@masonwalton5465]

My bf thinks like this how do I help him through this?

[@mahbubrahman8208]

I am struggling with this problem very badly, is there anyone to help me.

[@peachy9536]

I feel like I’m no longer attracted to and fallen out of love with my partner, even though I still have intimacy with them both physically and mentally, I still care about them, worry for them, our daily life with each other seems like every other days, feels like I’m still in love with them. But in my head, sometimes I feel like I want to breakup, I want to be alone, I want to be free and on my own. I also keep finding every little signs to improve that I am or am not still in love with them. So I have ROCD And my question is. Those thoughts about “I want to be free and on my own” is real, that I truly feel that way and want that way? Or is that ROCD makes me feel that way and it’s not my real thoughts?

[@moroccanbabe7635]

Breakup urges are one of the most ROCD symptoms!!

[@freedomfighter9976]

What if I’ve watched too much on the internet regarding relationships now my head is saying yes but you know the truth and I’m suppose to be like so what and ?? I think this is reassurance asking but I’ve watched too much and now I feel like I have all the truth I’m suppose to be like so what it’s so hard to do but I guess it’s the only way through it I am spiked now with all relationships

[@lotto.2618]

I really got triggered by this video. It makes me think like omygod but I don’t have this variation of ocd anymore or never had. That must mean I’m not in love with my partner anymore.

[@Rebecca.asian.jew_erly.]

1. Analysing

[@fy2398]

I am afraid that I am gonna lose my partner because of OCD …. The thoughts are crippling

[@mooneryz]

same :(

[@thelife_ofkhushi]

Does anyone's ocd uses words for your partner that you don't wanna hear or you don't like?

[@agnesalaite4834]

If my compulsion is be with my partner??😥😥😥

[@nicoledudek316]

So if the thought repeats & it’s there 24/7 it’s OCD ?

[@thegoldendon]

yes that sounds like ocd

[@SkiizmBeatz]

If the thought repeats to the point where u can’t control them and u wanna act on them for relief and You wanna avoid because of anxiety and relief but u won’t act on it and you repeat the cycle constantly that’s a sign of OCD..

[@pablodee9024]

....Except if it’s chocolate or coffee. 😁

[@thatgirl5630]

SKIIZM it makes me want to break up with my boyfriend so thay I don’t hurt him or myself anymore

[@emilyann8581]

I have cheating OCD that I did it . I feel like no one has it.

[@missbelladonna24]

Can I ask is it normal in rocd to feel a sense of relief thinking about breaking up? Most people say they feel anxious but for me, I want to be with my bf but if my anxiety would go away I would consider leaving him. Is that bad? I'm just at a point where I'm exhausted and just want the anxiety to go away so I can get on with my life. It's only been a few weeks, but it's very draining. If I leave him is that just giving into a compulsion? I'm not even sure what my compulsions are, I'm just anxious most of the time. I have been distracting myself and not arguing with the thoughts and that has helped,but I still dont feel that glowly love feeling for him like I did before. Its different to my other OCD. My other OCD I had urges but the thought of doing them made me extremely anxious, but this urge it's almost relaxing because I know If i do it i will be at peace. I'm so confused. :-( can someone help, anyone been through this, is it still rocd if I get urges to break up and the thought of that actually gives me relief, becuse then I know the anxiety will be all over?

[@luisalvarez2586]

Hello, I am struggling with ocd (recently diagnosed) I broke up with my partner 4 months ago thinking all my anxiety would go away but no it did not, it got worse, id think that he was not enough for me, I would think that he was hurting me more but it was my ocd making me think all that stupid stuff, I have lost him and now its even worse to feel this way for someone who is not with me anymore, I can’t stop thinking about something specific about his past and the thoughts don’t go away. I ve just started this week trying to stop exploring my thoughts and stopped acting on my compulsions. I can tell you more about my story, this is very bad.

[@belgaia7015]

I broke it off with my boyfriend and got a huge huge relief. Why? Because the reason of my anxiety was my ocd surrounding my relationship. Same thing with someone who has another kind of ocd let’s say germ ocd. They will never go to a certain place because of the fear. You are just running away from the fear is my point. No fear so no anxiety is a huge relief but at what cost?

[@NatalieNicole2222]

I have the same with my new boyfriend. Its bad, we have to fix this, its not healthy. I love him but yes often i think breaking up would be better for my brain, but its just the fear speaking

[@sianthompson8638]

@@luisalvarez2586 same here...4 months ago...and yup they didn't go away

[@eamonnhennessy6498]

i feel like a ghost in life

[@chesneectp]

Its exhausting

[@ocdhelp]

I know, just reduce little by little. Next situation comes in, make the choice to reduce.

[@missbelladonna24]

Hi everyone. I've had rocd for just a couple of weeks and found great improvement by distracting myself and not allowing myself to do compulsions. I dont feel much anxiety about it now but thet thing that still isn't there is I still dont feel strong love for him. Even after telling myself its normal not to love him 24/7 I can deal with that, but I feel like I cant deal with never feeling love for him, I think that would be too miserable. So my question is, where do I go from here? Do I carry on with distraction and positive thinking (which is helping) or should I do exposure (telling myself maybe I'm not happy with him, maybe hes not the one ect) when i do that i get anxious, but I'm willing to do it if it actually helps I guess my fear is the more I tell myself that the more I'll belive it? Just some really know where to go for here. I've cured all my other OCD obsessions but this one is tricky and I'm kind of lost. If I tell myself I can just break up with him is that giving into the compulsion?

[@thatgirl5630]

How are u now??? I’d love to talk to u more about this BC I need help

[@Amescamlove]

I need help too!!!

[@johanareyes6093]

Did you find answers Im on the SAME BOAT

[@thelife_ofkhushi]

@@johanareyes6093 did you find the answer now?

[@johanareyes6093]

@@thelife_ofkhushi I’m doing so much better now, I still have the thoughts here and there but I’ve improved so much