Relationship OCD (ROCD) Town Hall

Join IOCDF lead advocate Chris Trondsen, MS, AMFT, APCC and panelists Prof. Guy Doron, Dr. Danny S. Derby, and Zoe Homonoff as they discuss Relationship OCD (ROCD) and answer your questions live!

[@crystalcry2003]

Rocd is real suffering. Right now I am heartbroken.... I have never realised that during years of therapy, my ocd has never been really treated in a good way. I have several kinds of ocd (pocd, rocd, religious ocd).... It has been years of agony..... Now it costed me my relationship with a wonderful man. He could not deal with my compulsions.... my doubts, my obsessions..... I know it is hard for the partner..... but I have never ever wanted him to suffer. Now he says "why haven't you been honest from the beginning? Why didn't you tell me you suffered from this disorder?"...... I am full of guilt and shame..... People that don't know anything about OCD don't know the pain and agony of it. I am a mental health student myself at Maastricht University and I want to help others in this..... I know the real suffering, people with ocd go through.

[@BrillGirl82]

😢 I can so relate to this

[@crystalcry2003]

@@BrillGirl82 i am sorry to hear that. You're going through a break up now?

[@mikedillan8101]

Im sorry

[@haruka1378]

Chris is such a great host. He always listens compassionately and keep the conversations go naturally. I felt really safe here, thank you.

[@lilymulligan8180]

Holy shit, it's me. Everything you've described, I do that. I cannot tell you how validating it was to hear the host voice so many irrational relationship worries that I had but couldn't put words to. I'm sending this video to my therapist!!

[@BrillGirl82]

Meeee tooooo 😢

[@MadManEtv]

I'm so sad as I've only just found out about ROCD. I relate to this so much. I had a beautiful caring and considerate woman that I used to tear apart in my head. She would have done anything for me but at the time I couldn't speak to her because I was having the worst anxiety in my life. She'll never know how much I did want to love her and I'll never know if it will work out.

[@TalkTocMx]

I wanna cry! 6 years ago I finally knew i had been suffering for almost 12 years of ROCD thanks to finding one of the papers they had published. Hope we can keep in touch. Back then i wrote them to help with translations to spanish, the offer is still on. Hope you can help me to get in touch with them and my ocd community for spanish speakers. :) Thanks for this interview.

[@Gpjykcj]

Hi, how are you now ? Have you done erp ?

[@carriecanfield218]

Wow...what wonderful video. I related sooo much to the host!! I need therapy

[@liljemark1]

Thanks for the stream! Such an important topic and the discussion was very educational and informative.

[@ivanvukoja7654]

Just remember..if you break up with your love one,ROCD doesn't go away and it will not disappear in another relationship..

[@janetaylor8921]

This has been fantastic! Thanks

[@meryp.6056]

Beautiful, very beautiful video. Thank you so much and greetings from Italy ❤❤❤😍

[@sudhirhebbar7363]

Thanks for focusing on this issue

[@melissasamworth9195]

Great talk!!

[@destaniehugs67]

thanks so much for this!

[@IOCDF]

Glad it was helpful!

[@Ali-kf5bd]

welp... I've been diagnosed with OCD for about 18 years now but you said that ROCD isn't usually about fear of abandonment and one of my core fears is my partner leaving me so now im scared I also have BPD.

[@IOCDF]

Hi Ali, we will be hosting a Lunch & Learn livestream on ROCD, this Wednesday (4.27) at 12pm EST. If you would like to watch live, it will be a great opportunity to ask our experts ROCD related questions in live time, and hear from clinicians in the field! The livestream can be accessed through IOCDF's KZbin and Facebook, or at iocdf.org/live.

[@lindaraesmutz4929]

I have this too ❤️‍🩹

[@treasurechest2951]

No they said abandonment can be one core issue of rocd. Also great host, you carried the Interview

[@bedadays1763]

I’ve been feeling tension emptiness and intrusive thoughts,guilt i guess aswell.I want to feel close with my girl again does this sound like rocd,I have Aspergers aswell

[@axemanarbor]

Can someone please help me find someone to help me and my partner here in Sydney Australia ?

[@DavidMartinez-lu6zi]

Is there any help for the victim of the ocd person ?

[@MissSarahGM]

My ex boyfriend totally has this. I with he came back, but I have been no contact. I want him to realise by himself if he misses me enough. IF so, how can I bring up rOCD to him?

[@gk_knight]

The clue is in his pattern of relationship history. Has he been repeating this behaviour with previous romantic partners as well…?

[@MissSarahGM]

@@gk_knight Yes, he only had flings lasting 2/3 months, and he admitted looking for flaws in them. And he's 39, so our 4 months together was his longest real relationship. I sent him an article about ROCD months ago. He called me last month and sent me a gift, he seemed interested again and flirty. When I called to thank him, he didn't pick up. He only responded to my text message and kept it short and cold. Really confusing. If he still doesn't want to open up and be vulnerable with me, I am done chasing him. Another thing I realised in the meantime, reflecting over how he was constantly looking for advice from his sister and mother etc, (which could be his compulsive urges), I believe they pushed him to break up since he is enmeshed with them, and the family is narcissistic. I read often children of narcissistic parents develop OCD, anxiety in general. He never gave me any feedback on the article I sent him, and when he contacted me lately it was all small talk. I believe he needs to come back towards me, especially as he needs to see it comes from inside him, and I didn't talk him into it. What do you think?

[@gk_knight]

@@MissSarahGM difficult to gauge. He obviously has a history / pattern, and is always the distancer rather than the pursuer. Just be wary he’s not one of the “game” type of guys who has lots of casual dating partners concurrently. has there been any further story points since you wrote the above? Have you heard of the work of Sheryl Paul? She’s wonderful and her online course is life changing.

[@MissSarahGM]

​@@gk_knight Thanks, will look that up. Do you have rOCD yourself? I think he's not a player, but someone really confused with attachment trauma and low self-esteem.. And rOCD making a struggle to settle with anyone. I am in no contact. His hot and colt patterns lately have affected me.

[@FarakhSair-tm2dk]

❤❤