Report: Baby Skull Jewelry May Be Linked To Violence

[@nonofyabidnez5737]

The lady always completely nails her part. She's great!

[@iavv334]

Her and beard dude

[@NoizyInSeattle]

Everyone loves Loralee.

[@chuksstone8759]

I'm your 1000th like, you're welcome

[@jardelelias5625]

And Duncan Birch, the most prolific writer of all time.

[@ophidahlia1464]

I'm sure we can all agree that none of them hold a candle to Clifford Banes, though

[@MBest11x]

These make a perfect baby shower gift!

[@WakaWaka2468]

Nobody asked

[@winterweasel425]

Yeah, drop 300 baby skulls on the mother, as well as some goat blood and some Sumerian invocations. It guarantees her offspring to be a great conqueror in the future.

[@DannySullivanMusic]

😂😂😂

[@Typical.Anomaly]

@@WakaWaka2468 Fuck Oasis

[@Jenny_Metzelar]

@@winterweasel425 lol

[@Commando303X]

"Ask to see the spine." It's beyond me how we haven't been doing this simple thing all along.

[@TCt83067695]

Some of us have so pls speak for yourself. I'm an ethical consumer of the baby skulls thank you very much

[@olefredrikskjegstad5972]

I really appreciate that the joke is entirely centered around discussing labour conditions for the people who "collect" these skulls, and they say nothing about what happened to the babies the skulls actually came from. Nice commentary on the way a lot of product and consumer discourse gets derailed.

[@ninetailedfox579121]

That is how a lot of their satire works. They take something that would ordinarily be highly frowned upon and act like it is normal in order to satirize something that is normal. In this case they are satirizing the diamond industry.

[@memerminecraft585]

They're not really baby skulls, they're diamonds

[@sovietunion7643]

considerig most of the time the imhumane thing is actually how its sourced its not suprising there is nothin inherently wrong about a diamond or chocolate beans. however how they were moved, mined or grown, and how (un)ethical it might have been has been becoming a bigger and bigger problem for consumers who at the same time want cheap products but also don't want to be enabling evil practices

[@goodstuff8156]

Is it your mission in life to systematically ruin every funny joke on the internet?

[@Gamingraptorstudios]

I think you missed that this is a critique of diamonds

[@sporff]

Man Clifford Banes has to get his life together. In the past 3 videos ive watched he has gone from holding hostages to being held by bandits to losing his memory in a bathroom.

[@AtticusHess]

*Waylaid by bandits

[@Rubyofthedead]

Or he was vacuuming, or just wasn't a very good host anyway.

[@HarrisonRocks]

To be honest, with the economy as bad as it is, it's often much more cost effective to harvest the skulls yourself and have them processed from there. Really cuts out the middle man and drives down expenses. Once you know a few people in the industry you can even run a small independent business on the side. I've been harvesting skulls from local schools for years now and its a nice little earner in this tough economic climate.

[@chrisjamel8461]

Dead_Parade actually specialization is the key to economic growth

[@bhatkat]

Now why didn't I think of that back in the day? Suppose it's too late to get on the bandwagon now, better think of something new, maybe harvesting the pineal glands of surplus geezers and homeless people that no one will miss.

[@CaveraGamerzZ]

You can boost your business supply by giving the weird kid a machine gun

[@adh0c468]

You get yours from schools?? Those aren't baby skulls, they're children's skulls! Ewww! Aren't you ashamed to sell that low-quality stuff?

[@Uratashi]

As a responsible harvester, I'm frankly quite disappointed by how much our trade has been frowned upon. These illegal traders are giving the rest of us a bad name.

[@christopherneufelt8971]

Hi. If you are still alive and well, the expression is: 99% of the ______ give the rest a bad name. You can put the noun you wish.

[@brooklyna007]

I only collect my baby skulls from ethnicities who have been legally declared non-human by their governments. I go 100% by the books. You won't ever catch me breaking a national law. And I do not do business with countries who have signed those silly Geneva accords. They are bad for business.

[@Professorlicme8]

​@@christopherneufelt8971 not only are you dumb for correcting an 11 year old comment, you're not even right.

[@user-bo6je1pk9z]

@@christopherneufelt8971my boy it’s been 11 years Let this man live laugh and love

[@Jebu911]

@@user-bo6je1pk9z its been so long his own babys might have been harvested already.

[@SebasTian58323]

Man, I lost all respect for Duncan. That cow skull scam is really well known. How did he fall for that?

[@geigertec5921]

Fake baby skulls are everywhere. I was in Times Square and someone in a white van tried to sell me a fake baby skull. Under close examination I determined the so called baby skull in fact be the skull of an adult silverback Congolese lowland gorilla - worthless.

[@iwuedfh]

give him a break, he makes mistakes as well, i didn't know that was a cow skull until lauralee pointed it out

[@Foebane72]

"That is NOT a baby skull, it's a COW skull!!" "Oh, eurgh, Goddammit!!!" Genius! 5/5

[@mrniceguy7168]

The disgust in his face when he realizes it’s a cow skull

[@haliax8149]

cow skull or bull skull? it matters...

[@ilikestew5719]

@@haliax8149 Bull

[@SafiuddinKhaja]

He is from India

[@Tomsfilipsons]

One of these so-called "experts" is in fact a government official who was responsible for sending billions of dollars in humanitarian aid to Andorra!

[@DA-bm2mj]

Angola?

[@-ahvilable-6654]

Aurora?

[@sarahr.1076]

@@DA-bm2mj Armenia

[@HarrisonRocks]

So? Isn't that in Africa?

[@ahyarhartanto1802]

@@HarrisonRocks yeah just next to mumbambu

[@pwnisher]

I LOVE THIS ONE! I woulda been like .... wheres the skull?

[@DannySullivanMusic]

😂😂😂

[@zenleek2129]

Ooh, a very old pwnisher comment

[@banned2911]

Omg

[@sushanalone]

Excellent parody over the blood-diamonds market and Western companies dealing in them.

[@Buzz0Killington]

Also hilarious how they're clearly glossing over the fact that they're murdering babies. lol

[@ilikecake48]

I thought it was about animal rights

[@Paelorian]

There's nothing inherently immoral about mining as there would be for a product for which human infants are slaughtered to harvest.

[@hv9988]

thought it was about ivory trade at first myself...

[@awkwardcultism]

"There is no ethical consumption under capitalism" HA! Ha ha ha! No, no, sorry, I shouldn't laugh. You're right! All of America's communists should take this statement to heart and move to Venezeula, or just stop eating! (Of course, they're the same thing.)

[@ProblemEngland]

Yeahh... last time I tried to get a nice baby skull I ended up with some sort of chimpanzee skull. Remember, whenever you're buying a skull make sure to bring someone with you who can make sure you aren't getting ripped off.

[@bhatkat]

You sure nailed it there, why isn't the gummint doing more to regulate the trade and make sure such heinous and unethical practices like this aren't more tightly regulated? Before we know it they will find a way to 3D print total fakes out of synthetic bone or something like that and we could see a collapse in the entire industry. Are they entirely oblivious to such a threat to a very important sector of the economy? And why don't we see more news coverage, something to do with those slimy liberals up to there vile tricks again? When are they gonna DO SOMETHING!

[@ninetailedfox579121]

@@bhatkat Oh come on, we all know they're in on it. All it takes is one corrupt federal inspector on the take and the entire system gets derailed.

[@gloodgy2774]

My cousin once bought a kitten skull thinking it was a baby skull. Kitten skulls still have a market, you shouldn't have to mislead people into getting them

[@elcarrerdelsgaivots1152]

I would have been like... where's the skull??

[@Slayer5551]

I'm a baby skull harvester and I agree that something must be done. I am forced to work through absolutely horrific conditions!

[@dm121984]

I had no idea the baby skull industry was so unregulated! Really opened my eyes - thank you Onion.

[@noname2n2]

They missed the chance to show a baby playing with a baby skull Would've been so cute

[@racehellish]

"Ask the skull dealer where he got the skull. Ask to see the spine."

[@gallimead]

The simple remark of "Ask to see the spine" just cracked me up

[@crystalcarbon]

What's really important is how you can infact grow baby skulls perfectly and without flaws but the baby skull industry doesn't want that to happen

[@geigertec5921]

It turns out baby skulls are really quite worthless, they're found under ground in abundance in many places, particularly in nations prone to war and conflict - often in mass underground heaps numbering in the tens of thousands, and even millions. The Ancient Egyptians actually used baby skulls as a fertilizer for their crops they were so plentiful and there would yearly harvests of the freshest first born varieties of baby skull simply to throw on the soil.

[@SheolAbaddonus666]

I've been harvesting baby skulls legally for 15 years. Back in the day, I used to procure as many as 30 skulls in a 16 hour period. It was hard work, but I've never taken part in the illegal, inhumane business practices that plague the industry.

[@DrJ-hx7wv]

I appreciate your commitment.

[@royalspin]

But are they environmentally friendly and gluten free ?

[@boccs9925]

I always have to commend the actress for Lauralee because she makes me despise her character so much.

[@watermelonhead8054]

i love the apple computer episode where the guy just loses his shit and yells "Lauralee shut up! You don't know what you're talking about."

[@elephant_888]

Yeah she’s the best!! ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

[@orangeapples]

I love how he couldn't tell the difference between a cow skull and a baby skull.

[@twowords.1041]

haha i wish they still did these

[@elmoelmerson172]

I know right baby skulls are timeless

[@-haclong2366]

They still do, but the baby skull 💀 market moved online so you'll have to order them off of Amazon or Alibaba now.

[@afroditesis4738]

TWO WORDS. Role playing chatroom dude

[@tubaraofeio1053]

@@afroditesis4738 ah yes i shall now log in to xat or msn

[@wickedqueenamanda]

lol "some were even missing limbs, having gotten in the way of their own machetes while harvesting the baby skulls" The Onion is so insane (in a good way)

[@omniskriba]

For those who are wondering, this is a take on the ethical implications of the African Diamond Trade and the question of whether owning "blood diamonds" (diamonds harvested through violent or cruel labor practices) should be a matter of personal guilt and responsibility. For those who thought this was obvious enough, good for you.

[@aeris2001]

Can be a take on Capitalism in general, and things like eating meat

[@ArDeeMee]

@@aeris2001 aka distracting from the actual topic. Good job.

[@TenkDD]

@@aeris2001 Yeah sure, if you're fucking stupid it can be.

[@F3FisGoodforYou]

As long as the baby had been raised for that it's fine... and don't buy cheap baby skull, sometime you can see the machete marks on the skull, not Chic.

[@loganx7571]

The chubby lady is my favorite character😂😂

[@nonofyabidnez5737]

She absolutely nails it every time

[@simplicitylost]

Nonofya Bidnez The black lady (who isn't in this one) also consistently nails it.

[@stuflames4769]

She's my fav.

[@DidamDFP]

@@simplicitylost they all nail it tbh

[@billygoats804]

Her name is Julie Brister. I recalled seeing her from Goliath.

[@stlsensimilla]

I was listening to a news report yesterday about illegally captured wild monkeys from Cambodia vs. monkeys bred in captivity in Cambodia that are then legally exported for medical research and it was pretty much the same conversation.

[@SpaceCowboy5]

Cheap Chinese baby skulls just can't compare with quality American-made skulls. Just no substitute.

[@matthiasoverley4685]

gramen baby skulls are the bast

[@publikymage]

I love that their main councern is the work conditions of the workers, not the babies lives.

[@randomnessrules4971]

This is what human culture must seem like for a Homeworld Gem.

[@easypeasypiano6118]

Is Clifford Banes ever on his own show...

[@Giganfan2k1]

No. Appearently he fucked around and now is in serious shit.

[@santiagosancho2317]

He was actually, one time he appeared using as mask pretending to be his coworker

[@Ninjacakester]

santiago sancho which video?

[@watermelonhead8054]

@@Ninjacakester "Should we be bringing our kids to R18 movies we masturbate to?" I believe was the title.

[@LovingPrinceTamayuki]

I kinda wanna meet poor Clifford Banes... He seems like he could use some help with his life.

[@Kakuzukun0047]

My boyfriend bought my a beautiful French baby skull for our anniversary. It was harvested and polished by a trusted family friend. I think he's the one~!

[@big10]

"They had gotten in the way of their own machetes while harvesting these skulls...." "I would've been like, 'Where's the skull?'" "Ask to see the spine...." LOL!!!

[@aarondavid826]

I love those comments saying "I love those comments saying, 'is this real?' It makes my day." It makes my day.

[@GeneticallyEngineeredCatgirls]

"Ask to see the spine if he has it"

[@quietreason9667]

How is your day?

[@martineldritch]

Know that lab-Grown baby skulls are typically 30-40% less money, more affordable, and more ethically sourced. Please consider them as a sustainable option.

[@geigertec5921]

Yes, but the morality of the manufacture of lab-grown baby skulls is dubious at best. I mean, the process of growing a baby skull from the discarded remains of Iraqi street beggars cloned DNA is hardly a step up from the "traditional" harvesting of natural baby skulls from the high mortality rate infant populations of the uncontacted tribes of the Amazon rainforest. But that's just my oppinion. I feel the sourcing of fossilized baby skulls from the frozen Neanderthal baby skull in the Siberian tundra is a much better, albeit more expensive option than both lab grown and modern traditionally sourced baby skulls.

[@RonJohn63]

2:01 "Ask to see the spine, if he has it."

[@PCHDX]

I have a discussed the issue of baby skulls on here before. It is good to see that the discussion is still going on controversy on fair baby skill practices. God Bless America

[@metalmilitia89]

this is a very good example of social satire, criticizing a real issue with laughter. very well done.

[@ArtypNk]

I am a small time baby scull provider, and I agree with regulation. I work my ass off tracking and extracting baby sculls, and you mean to tell me some Africans can just waltz in and flood the market with poor quality calcium depleted baby sculls, just like that? Buy locally harvested baby sculls people.

[@moistnugget4147]

"Will you marry me?" "Where's the skull?"

[@richardconway3950]

Trevor Moore was right

[@TheOssumPawesome]

Richard Conway rapin your churches burnin your women

[@BirdGang6]

It’s ironic that something so beautiful could be associated with such pain

[@kittyprydekissme]

There's just no way to know where a baby skull comes from when you buy it in a store. That's why I always go and harvest them myself. It's the only way to have a clear conscience.

[@DougWIngate]

I can't imagine how anyone would buy a baby skull that isn't grass-fed

[@guytorie]

When they cut to Lauralee I fucking lost it laughing

[@Frosty_tha_Snowman]

The way they refer to it as "harvesting" without flinching is so dark and uncanny 😂

[@cmilla111]

When the cast of the Onion feels more genuine than anyone on FOX or CNN.

[@Uniteusall]

I never thought about where or what went on behind the scenes to produce my baby skull necklace. I have ten of them. This is very interesting.

[@alecr6119]

“People should not be demonized just for wearing a baby skull “ she says as one hangs from her shirt

[@yiyilikeit6210]

I jus realized "skulls" are "diamonds"

[@ChrissieBear]

For those who are confused, this is mocking the brutality of the diamond industry.

[@dewilew2137]

No one is confused.

[@noradlark167]

​@@dewilew2137I think this is about animal products.

[@dewilew2137]

@@noradlark167 it isn't.

[@strangastrange]

I love "In The Know"! The conversations are awesome!

[@xusun956]

this really happened in history though. In early colonial ages some tribes in south america or some pacific Island had a costum of processing enemy's head. Europeans loved it and ended up buying more and more inducing them to kill massively just to make more skulls to sell.

[@ahyarhartanto1802]

well, you are correct on this one, it's also happening in my country. but instead of buying, they stole it from our people. (my ethnicitiy didn't have such culture, but people in remote island in my country did have back then)

[@mrniceguy7168]

“Some had their arms cut off...they had gotten in the way of their own machetes when they were harvesting skulls” You are now imagining some poor guy with his hand cut off as he was harvesting a babies head

[@sking3014]

she said yes!

[@roselee9063]

+Jason Lang Not to the baby...

[@LittleB2007]

This might be the best criticism of the diamond industry I've ever seen

[@kxmode]

I think it ironically mocks those who criticize the diamond industry.

[@Commando303X]

"This Christmas, skull her." Aye-aye, Internet video.

[@StevieObieYT]

"Some of them had their arms cut off. They got in the way of their own machetes." Bro literally cut off his own arm instead of the babies head 💀

[@DynoDunes]

I love how he's offended by the cow skull just epic

[@ElizaKW]

@uh0oo You need to check for certification and make sure you're only buying from a reputable dealer. If you're trying to buy your baby skulls of Ebay, your just asking for trouble. Even if there's a picture, sometimes only a skilled baby skull appraiser can tell the difference between a baby chimp skull and the real thing. You've got to be careful.

[@tfavors28]

I can understand Duncon's confusion. I am always getting Cow and baby skulls mixed up. You can imagine the shock on my girlfriends face when I popped the question using a cowskull-ring. She was quite irate and told me no.

[@dillchives]

The nose-to-tail trend has really shaken up the baby skull industry. They're not simply used for jewelry anymore.

[@TheCraigy83]

im throwing my visa at the screen but nothings happening does the long number have to hit first ?

[@leminjapan]

"My mother gave this to me!" Even for a video about baby skull jewelry, that got dark real quick lol

[@cyrushomes7512]

I saw Clifford Bane on I-97. He had no idea where he was, but thankfully a big truck knew better and found him at the right spot!

[@hoffhogan2200]

I wish my life was as eventfull as Clifford Baines

[@WJ4321]

I'm a baby skull harvister My dad was a baby skull harvister and so was his dad and his dad before him and his dad before him SO I'LL BE DAMMED IF THE GOVERMENT CAN TELL ME HOW TO DO MY JOB

[@0Clewi0]

They talked about the workers so much I felt it wasn't even satire

[@yiyilikeit6210]

"my mother gave it to me"

[@Tjalve70]

That means it's old. Maybe it was hand made? You know, back then infant mortality rates were much higher.

[@wege8409]

I work the IT department for Signet, the company who owns Kay, Zales, and Jared. Not a lot of people know that diamond jewelry in the US is basically a monopoly. Admittedly I feel a little weird about working there, and this video was refreshing to see. Thanks

[@SmallWorldFilms]

I know it isn't the same thing, but artificial baby skulls, perhaps made of plastic, glass or metals (or even lab-grown) would help protect the harvesters from the inhumane conditions they work under. They might even be retrained to serve in these higher tech industries. Why, it could be a new renaissance!

[@joeymanson2222]

There needs to be way more accountability within the baby skull industry.

[@pathos7527]

Remember no matter how they describe the background of the baby skull on their eBay listing check their reviews to know that they are a reliable vendor that has consistently delivered an authentic and quality product

[@heveinmusic]

I'm in tears at the moment...

[@SpearedGrave1]

What about the baby skull seeking bullet industry. We have to factor that into this debate!

[@rebca_]

was searching for this comment :D

[@Bitsonpieces79]

I agree. It should be government regulated. Would be a dent in the black market.

[@skollmemes9960]

The onion shows you firsthand how every lie contains some truth.

[@zain6008]

Uhh no, but good attempt at sounding deep.

[@anonimanonim2710]

I have no words!

[@KarthaokTheMage]

You just can't find a good baby skull anywhere these days.

[@briandoom]

ironically baby skulls would be a lot cooler than diamonds

[@dyowzhars9400]

Great way to talk about blood diamonds.

[@rossplendent]

This is disgusting. Can't believe they would show that cow skull on live TV.

[@harakirikiss6128]

Is Wearing Child Spine Handbags Unethical?

[@crazylilbuddy]

this is really disturbing, its incredible how ignorant some people are...do they really think ANY of these skulls come from legitimate sources?

[@giancarlotorres3520]

Can we all just appreciate Duncan’s facial hair??

[@Misterblueeee]

the viewer discretion advisory in the beginning is ridiculous

[@pranavps851]

Clifford Banes has lost it

[@GrumpyEWalk]

I personally don't really care where my baby skulls come from, as long as I get them in the end.

[@winesap2]

Of course the person who wears the thing doesn't think people who wear it should be demonized.

[@u.v.s.5583]

- Master Skywalker, there are too many of them, what are we going to do? - Your skulls will make a fine addition to my collection.

[@jarenmusic]

the more onion i watch, the more i realize that it's by far the best channel on youtube. too bad stupid people don't understand most of their videos.

[@oielvert]

It's a good satire on the diamond industry. Which is just as violent as actually buying baby skulls considering all the wars it has triggered.

[@dengueberries]

Great commentary on diamonds. Especially now when factory made diamonds can be made in literally any shape, size, or form, there is no need to continue extracting "real" diamonds.

[@8__vv__8]

There was never any good reason to wear diamond jewelry besides a lack of critical thinking skills

[@parkerdinhwilliams15]

Literally how debates on meat goes.

[@PyroGhost27]

I love Lauralee Hickok! Every episode of she's in is hilarious! I love the Onion. And I love how there is always at least one fight in the comments on Onion vids on youtube