Retroactive Jealousy In ROCD | OCD Recovery

Kirsty gives an in-depth view of what retroactive jealousy looks like in ROCD.
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[@Dani-bm3ru]

This is amazing! I have never heard of this until I just watched your video. I really suffered with this and other forms of OCD 6.5 years ago with my husband. It began on our honeymoon! I ended up going to hospital for 2 week. I felt so alone because everyone just thinks you are just really jealous but it was so much bigger than that. The questions, interrogating my husband and need to find certainty and comfort from his answers was all consuming. It was there except for when I was asleep and it even effected that. I am so happy to say we are in a really good, safe and happy place together that I never in a million years would have thought was possible back then. It took medication, personal therapy, couples therapy, time and a lot of determination and brain training to get to this point but it has been so worth it. Im not free of ocd completely but I can honestly say I feel free of the relationship/retrospective ocd. Not to say nothing upsets me or will upset me or that I don't get thoughts but they are rare and don't control me anymore or fill me with gut wrenching fear/discomfort that they used to. Thank you SO much for this video and expressing what I felt for so long. It is so amazing to finally have some clarity on what I went through re the jealousy side of my ocd. Xx

[@zackr19]

What medication did you take?

[@Dani-bm3ru]

@@zackr19I started on Fluoxetine x

[@retroactivejealousy-worldl1805]

I specialise in treating Retroactive Jealousy and you have a very good handle on it. I loved how you said, “You will know more about your partner’s past than they do”! Many a true word spoken in jest

[@stefanmarinca8472]

Amazing video, so profound and empathetic, thank you!

[@music0326]

There are a lot of video's of people explaining the disorder or sufferers, hardly any victim of it coming online and saying, "my partner overcame his/her RJ.." I guess because people mostly don't overcome it! It might be demonic oppression, and the sufferer has to accept responsibility. They often don't.

[@ladypenelope572]

Very useful and informative, thanks!

[@somilmehta2141]

Thanku very much Kristy. This was very helpful for me..... :)

[@johnnyscoolstuff8427]

Thank you Kristy

[@amyp4977]

Hi Kirsty, thank you for your thoughts on this subject. I relate to all you’ve said about ex’s past especially the sense of them having had a deeper connection that feels like an ongoing ‘threat’ in the background, a relationship not fully played out that could re-appear. I find it SO difficult to feel any relief from disputing my beliefs. I just can’t FEEL ‘ok’ after telling myself I would be with different worst case scenarios. I also spend lots of time & frantic energy searching for information & affirmation (a magic bullet as you say). Need to recognise this as a compulsion. Just don’t know how to get over/past my blocks with the IBs. It’s like my panicked, survival brain just can’t accept the new rational words. What would you advise? Just keep saying it anyway..does that do any good (fake it til you make it kind of thing)? Thanks so much for your kind support & insights. x

[@mominmasood]

Hey Amy! Repeating affirmations to yourself is also a compulsion in itself and a form of reassurance you're doing to bring the anxiety level down. The way you can truly face that fear of losing your partner is to not give into any of these compulsions, let the fear and discomfort ramp up. That's how you will truly show your brain that you can handle the discomfort.

[@amyp4977]

@@mominmasood thanks Momin. Yes it’s more looking for affirmation /confirmation of what I’m experiencing, through reading/researching online etc. But as Kirsty says I probably know enough already & as you say I’m doing it as a compulsion. It does feel that way, an urgency is there. Sitting with the anxiety, letting it ramp up, I get this but I really struggle to genuinely accept a nee, more rational belief. So then I’m just left in the anxiety that lasts for hours/days & depletes me so much & preoccupies me. I don’t know how to build my capacity for accepting what feels unacceptable. Thanks for your reply x

[@mominmasood]

@@amyp4977 Working towards acceptance and adopting a more rational approach takes time. It doesn't come quickly. Keep practicing it, trust the process and be patient with it. Slowly chip away at it. Don't expect the anxiety to disappear soon. It's different for every person. I've sometimes ridden out an anxiety wave after an exposure for a few days as well. All about persistence and focusing on the long term goal.

[@amyp4977]

@@mominmasood thank you for this. Hopefully the acceptance will come more in time if I can keep chipping away. 🙏🙂

[@TheNendja]

Now imagine Kirsty, what its like to be rocd with person with narcisistic traits, borderliner who brags about their numerous sexual escapades, telling you are not that beautiful or good in sex.Imagine that pain, after all that love bombing.Ego is crushed.Because he puts you first on pedestal.And when you try to leave, then he triangulates.But I agree with video, just want to say that those people played with our ego on purpose.

[@ssing7113]

Absolutely Ex use to tell me horrible things in fights trying to emasculate me and triangulate me against exs with sexual comments Gave me RJ. But the great thing is mental fortitude to grow as a person and expand my circle of comfort and become a stronger person out the other side

[@YbcA1]

Hi! So ERP with retroactive jealousy, today I noted down a trigger- a one night stand for example. I then forced myself to get triggered by thinking of it, I then sat with it and tried not to respond or explore the thought etc, is this correct way to do ERP for retroactive jealousy? Thanks.