returning to a PhD (with ADHD) | a book launch, masking & energy management

Hi, I'm Sarah, a PhD candidate in religious studies. Welcome to another vlog, where I document some of my experiences as a graduate student with ADHD!
In this instalment, I return to my studies after having taken a semester off. I'm still struggling with some health issues (migraines, ugh), and trying to figure out how to manage my time and spoons (or energy). I also attend a book launch for an edited volume I have a chapter in (!!), and discuss masking as someone with ADHD and social anxiety.
Thanks for watching :)
Follow me on Instagram: / skeptical.witch

[@halimabensaid2235]

Finally! A realistic look at ADHD in grad school with all the anxiety, time management and masking issues! AND an unpredictable chronic illness that just whacks me out of the blue too lol. This was such a fantastic vlog. Starting my PhD this fall and have been looking for people in a similar boat because as much as I'm excited for it, I'm incredibly anxious about my own potential for self sabotage haha. Thanks for sharing! This makes me feel like I'm not alone.

[@sarahbestPhD]

I'm glad it was relatable for you!! As someone with ADHD I do find it difficult to relate to a lot of the grad school content online--it often makes me feel kind of bad about myself for not as productive or on top of things as many people seem to be. Good luck with starting your PhD! I can fully relate to the anxiety about self-sabotage... Remember to take care of yourself and do things at your own pace/in your own way when you can!

[@chloejackson7073]

i just discovered your channel omg and I am a PhD student with ADHD and its just such a gift to find someone else who I can relate to!!! my very best to your winter semester I cannot wait to follow along more!

[@sarahbestPhD]

Thank you so much! I’m so glad it’s relatable, as it does often feel lonely doing grad school with something like ADHD 😅

[@elenaluisa9179]

Hey, I’m a bit late but thank you so much for this. Your honesty about your experience is so validating for people like me who also have ADHD and are struggling in academia. Regarding the talk you were quite anxious about, I totally get the thing of forgetting everything you ever knew about X topic when someone asks about it and the anxiety about everyone thinking you’re stupid (imposter syndrome sucks). However, they wouldn’t have invited you or asked you to speak if they didn’t seriously respect you and your work! Also, I’m not sure if it’s a thing where you’re from, but in the UK we have a scheme called Sunflower Lanyards which is a thing for people with hidden disabilities, including ADHD. It took me a long time to come round to the idea, largely because of the anxiety of people perceiving me better, but now that I have mine I feel more comfortable being myself and masking (slightly) less which is a lot less exhausting. The lanyard indicates that I have hidden disabilities and acts as a visual explanation for why I might be doing things differently or that I might need extra support. If you were interested, maybe something similar exists where you are? (I have to get back to work now but I might add to my comment as I’ve not finished the whole video yet) EDIT: ADHD burnout is so real, you are so right! I love the idea of tracking it and then adapting your behaviour (self care!)- I will try that myself. I’ve always found habit forming very difficult as it feels like I have to force myself to remember to do the thing every and if I miss one day that throws me completely off track. For me, even the habits everyone is supposed to naturally have like brushing your teeth require mental energy to remember to do them. Also, going back to the forgetting everything when someone asks you something, I think that’s such a relatable ADHD thing. The struggle with information retrieval is very real.

[@sarahbestPhD]

Thank you so much for your really kind and thoughtful comment (and sorry for taking so long to reply!) People do use the sunflower lanyards here as well, so that's something I will consider! I'm glad it's helped you to feel more comfortable being yourself

[@Heyu7her3]

I took last term off for medical leave & am taking this term off to get myself together before I quit ✌🏽 If I ever return to academia, I'm ONLY doing a professional degree. The way my adult-diagnosed ADHD is set up, I'm best able to manage when those things are externalized & I'm not just "all in my head" (which is research life -- I used Notion pretty heavy tho). *GOOD LUCK!!!*

[@sarahbestPhD]

Thank you, and good luck to you too! I hope you’re able to find a path that is well-suited to you, and that you enjoy! 💜

[@maryap8821]

This was such a cosy vlog! My memory is also pretty bad - I constantly forget the points I made in a dissertation chapter or in a publication lol glad to know I'm not alone Congratulations on the publication! I hope you have a great winter semester! 😊

[@sarahbestPhD]

Thank you so much!! 💜 and I’m glad to know I’m also not alone in that haha

[@osiaszy]

Thank you for sharing and your vulnerability. I definitely find a lot of this relatable. I’m very interested in your energy tracking system and would love to hear more about! E.g how you distinguish different types of energy spent (particularly academic vs mental) and whether it’s just energy spent or do some activities bring energy etc.

[@sarahbestPhD]

I’m glad it’s relatable for you, though I’m sorry if you’re struggling with these things too! For the energy tracking, I think of mental energy as encompassing things like emotions too, and also things like playing a complex game or something, or doing something that requires a lot of focus and attention. But it definitely also overlaps with academic energy. I also hadn’t thought about including tracking things that help me recharge or give me energy-that’s a great idea though, and something I think I will start to incorporate!

[@powerverwirrt]

I'm so glad you're sharing bits of your life with us. Your videos make me feel less alone as a grad student who also works at uni.

[@powerverwirrt]

(And, more importantly, who also has ADHD and chronic pain. 😬)

[@powerverwirrt]

I also recently embarrassed myself in front of new colleagues by not remembering basic terms in my field, lmao. It's a struggle.

[@sarahbestPhD]

Aw thank you, I'm glad my videos help with that! That's why I started making them, because I know grad school can feel really isolating at times. Especially for those of us who have ADHD or chronic pain! I hope your journey is going well :))

[@janasalamonova5301]

Totallyyyyy feeling you when you are talking about the ADHD memory 😭

[@sarahbestPhD]

It sucks you struggle with that too, but I’m also glad to know I’m not alone 😅

[@niamhdonnellan7752]

Ah I’m so glad I found you! I’ve a chapter coming out in environmental posthumanism this summer and I totally feel you, I find it hard to sell my work and explain it on the spot 🙈 also suffer migraines and other chronic pain! (adhder too) Anyways, excited to watch more 😊

[@sarahbestPhD]

Oh wow we have so much in common haha! I’m sorry you suffer from migraines and chronic pain though, it makes academia and life in general that much more difficult. It’s so rare and wonderful to meet another person writing about environmental posthumanism though! If you don’t mind sharing I’d love to know more about the chapter! (And congrats by the way 😊)

[@niamhdonnellan7752]

@@sarahbestPhD It’s looking at post colonial liminality as a way to describe the ecological epoch we are in, focusing on some of Donna Haraway’s work (and others), I’ll certainly share it with you whenever it’s published 😊 yes lots in common, I’ve never seen a KZbinr in our field before! Congratulations on your chapter too 👏 love your honesty about your struggles.. look at us adhders go!

[@sarahbestPhD]

@@niamhdonnellan7752 oh amazing! That sounds fantastic... Love Donna Haraway, and I look forward to reading your chapter when it's out! And thank you so much! We may do things in our own way/at our own pace as ADHDers, but we've got this!

[@isletheologian]

Just discovered your channel, I am a PhD student in Theology focus Biblical Studies and I love your channel

[@sarahbestPhD]

Thank you so much! That's very cool--what area of Biblical studies do you focus on?

[@isletheologian]

@@sarahbestPhD My focus is on consent, sexual violence , body protesting, slavery, migration and trauma within both the Hebrew Bible and NT and the wider Near Eastern and Greco-Roman society

[@Heyu7her3]

Hmm, that sounds like a social anxiety thing more than ADHD... neurodivergents remember interests/ special topics

[@sarahbestPhD]

I do definitely have social anxiety so that may play a role in this, but I also have issues with memory recall in situations where social anxiety isn’t at all a factor too. My memory has always been really bad, unfortunately even when it comes to things I have a deep interest in or passion for… being in social situations that make me anxious just make it that much worse 😅

[@powerverwirrt]

Many ADHDers have memory issues when we're put on the spot, though. 🤔

[@clayton8720]

Where do you live?! It looks absolutely magical there! Good luck on your PhD and your book that is unbelievable. I have ADHD and chronic migraines too (without aura type) and have suffered with them all my life. I had tried all the usual treatments such as Sumatriptan (literally had no effect). I accepted that migraines were going to be something I would have to live with. But following a period of ill-mental health I was prescribed a medication called Venlafaxine XR and after around 6-12 months I started to recognise that my migraines had almost completely stopped but at the time I did not make the connection between Venlafaxine XR and the vanishing of my migraines, I just thought that I was growing out of it! Anyway, fast-forward 2 years and I stopped taking Venlafaxine XR. A month later or so later and my migraines were coming back so I asked my doctor if Venlafaxine could have a relationship with my almost total eradication of migraines and indeed, my doctor then told me that Venlafaxine is sometimes used as a migraine prevention treatment (prophylaxis). I was shocked but also annoyed that I had not been offered this sooner but like most people with migraines, you eventually give up seeking treatment believing nothing exists. I take the lowest dose of 37.5mg of the XR release everyday but have also been on 75mg as well (tend to fluctuate between the two) but both those doses are considered very low and usually the dose for migraine treatment. In addition to that, it significantly regulates my severe mood states due to my neurodiversity (ADHD and ASD). So it really has changed my life and that becomes more apparent the longer you take it and if you stop taking it. Anyway, I hope you give it a go if your migraines and your ADHD continue to invade your life too much. I should also add that Venlafaxine XR is also used for the treatment of ADHD!

[@sarahbestPhD]

Thank you so much for sharing your story, and for your advice! I'm so glad you found something that works for your migraines. I'm still on the waiting list to see a neurologist, but I'll ask about Venlafaxine--that's so interesting it's also used to treat ADHD. I live in Ontario, there are some magical spots around here for sure!