Rewrite Your Story | Hayley Ep 8

[@StandinTLHS]

Her mother, through her own trauma, taught Hayley abuse is love and metaphorically and physically broke her beautiful strong heart but something far greater than both of them has blown the breath of strength and healing and love into Hayley who has become the most powerful alchemist not just for herself but for so many by doing this process so publicly. Alex, watching you (much as i don't like the cliche phrase) 'hold space' for her is magical. A huge Thankyou to you and your team.

[@hayley1473]

thank you so much ❤ thank you 🙂 x x x

[@misst2474]

A huge thank you to Hayley for sharing these sessions with us. The issues around self-worth, the inner critic and perfectionism really resonated with me. I have realised that there is no "one and done" solution to overcome 60+ years of programming and that if is a matter of keeping at it and turning down the volume on the critic and, when I'm feeling strong, telling it to go away. Wishing you all the best for the future. Hayley, in getting to a point where life feels calm and manageable. PS Alex - you are OK, too!!

[@hayley1473]

thank you Miss T . I love your idea of turning the volume down on the inner critic . Thats a really helpful idea for me and sounds manageable , just that turning the volume down ! thank you 🙂 I wish you all the best for the future too x x

[@StandinTLHS]

I have seen the phenomenal paddling this beautiful soul has been doing since session 1 and it blows my mind how much strength she has. Like watching a world class endurance athlete smash a series of back to back marathons! I was sooo happy to hear Hayley acknowledge that for herself!

[@hayley1473]

what a lovely beautifully encouraging comment - thank you so much ❤. Thank you x x

[@StandinTLHS]

you are so welcome. Thankyou for your bravery in sharing your healing journey. I am sure it has helped so many other people too. You are an inspiration in so many ways!@@hayley1473

[@janethansen9612]

It's hard work shifting 50+ years of deeply ingrained thinking but not impossible. Lots of love Hayley, from your Aussie fan xx

[@rachelthomas8101]

Really rooting for Hayley!!! I hope she continues to make progress and can be happy!

[@hayley1473]

thank you Rachel . Bless you 😊❤ x x

[@kendraweech4253]

Haley.. you are a beautiful soul.. and your doing the work to create a lasting change.

[@hayley1473]

thank you Kendra ❤❤

[@pippaward1336]

Very useful to watch, especially the part about finding safety in perfectionism, that definitely resonated with me. Hayley, you are an inspiration.

[@hayley1473]

Aww Pippa thank you . Its very kind of you to say and i thank you for inspiring me back, with your lovely encouragement . thank you 😊 x x

[@beccat1]

So good to see you actively making the decision to do nice things for you and your husband and create good memories. Whenever I get down or too much in my head I plan random trips or fun things to give me something else to focus on. I hope that the last few months have been good to you. X

[@colleenjohnson6906]

Groundbreaking series! I am filled with gratitude to both of you. I draw learning, encouragement and strength from every episode. I hang on to every word for the courage and wisdom that is evident in both of you that you share with all of us. Gratitude in abundance. Haley, someone once taught me, because I was a constant apologizer, to say instead of I am sorry, say, "Thank you for understanding." You have been so kind to respond to us all, no apologies necessary. We understand to respond to all of us is a generous gift from your heart. Thank you.

[@hayley1473]

Hi Colleen . thank you so much ! I have written replies to you about 3 times now and each time i look , the reply has disappeared . I have no idea why . so sorry . thank you so much though x x thank you ! ❤❤

[@hayley1473]

Colleen …i keep trying to answer your comment , but it keeps disappearing ? thank you x x x

[@kikki2012]

​@@hayley1473 KZbin can be tricky. Did you by any chance add links in your comment? YT automatically removes comments with certain keywords and or links. It's part of weird censorship in connection with the last 3 years. What the keywords are, beats me. A tip is to copy your comment before you post it and paste it into some kind of electronic note-pad so that you can edit it there and try again. It's a hassle and I'm sorry that you had to keep experiencing that! I get frustrated when it happens to me. Good luck and all the best to you and your healing journey! from a fellow traveller 🌟🙏💕

[@melliness123]

A lovely and intelligent woman and an insightful and caring therapist.

[@hayley1473]

Aww Mel . What a very beautiful thing to say ! Such a lovely thing . Thank you . Bless you ❤❤

[@melliness123]

@@hayley1473 It's just the truth of what I see, good luck with all, love Mel

[@hayley1473]

@@melliness123 aww bless you . thank you ❤❤

[@hayley1473]

So useful to watch this back . As always thank you Alex ! ❤ ( and Oliver & Jeremiah ❤❤)

[@colleenbarham6567]

Thankyou Hayley for sharing your holiday adventure with us all, a good reminder for us all to celebrate the good things in life and have some fun. It looks like you had the time of your life, Hayley you are so wonderful and inspiring thankyou for sharing your story it has been very helpful and insightful to witness.😃❤

[@hayley1473]

@@colleenbarham6567 thank you so much Colleen . Thank you 😊 ❤❤

[@colleenbarham6567]

@@hayley1473 Your story Hayley is resonating with so many of us( we all share the human condition and life can be very difficult. We are all definetly witnessing through your therapy process with Alex, how we can enjoy life on our own terms while enduring the painful parts of life that we all have to deal with. I honour your strength , bravery, integrity and authenticity. Thankyou so much Hayley, wishing you many more fun adventures on your journey.❤❤

[@janegee5562]

Amazing work from both of you. With such determination from hayley I'm sure she will find freedom and a successful independent life for herself, congratulations on coming so far in a relatively short time.

[@hayley1473]

thank you Jane . Thank you for your encouragement and belief in me . thank you ❤❤

[@rachel8219]

Thanks both. That was really insightful. Hayley I hope you will eventually come to know how amazing you are. It’s not a usual thing for people to be offering someone jobs, that speaks volumes about who you are. You push yourself to act and do, it’s inspiring. I’ve found it takes time to integrate what others say about me into becoming something I also believe xx

[@hayley1473]

Yes so true Rachel thank you . The bit about it taking time to integrate what others say about you into becoming something you also believe . Thank you so much for your thoughts x x ❤ thank you xx

[@sj4370]

Hayley, it has been so amazing seeing the progress you are making. You have been working so hard to learn new strategies and ways of thinking. I know that is really hard work and you really are reaping the benefits of of that hard work. Take care

[@hayley1473]

thank you so much SJ ❤🥰😊

[@anta3612]

Well done Hayley for prioritising your needs over that job offer. I had to learn this lesson the hard way. Years ago, I felt flattered to be offered a very prestigious job with an excellent salary. Although the job I already had wasn't very well paid, I was very happy and doing what I loved which was working in a field designed to empower others which I found very rewarding. However, the company was struggling and there was talk about having to close down so, although I was hesitant about the new offer, I went for the job anyway. It turned out to be a huge mistake. I was stuck by myself in front of a computer with little interaction with anyone and, in addition, the workplace culture and its politics were toxic. I had sensed it was toxic, which was one of the reasons I was hesitant to accept, but I thought that it was such a privilege to have been offered the job that I ignored the red flags as well as my own needs and I ended up paying a heavy price for it. Not worth it.

[@hayley1473]

aww Sorry to read that An Ta . Being stuck in front of a computer on your own …yeah , i would not like that at all and toxic work environment on top of that ! Hope you are really happy and sorted now . thank you for sharing your thoughts x x x

[@anta3612]

@@hayley1473 I had to give up work completely after I developed CFS/M.E. It was so hard because work was something I would use to prop up my sense of self-worth and I also loved the independence it gave me. It was good to get away from that toxic environment, though. I knew it was toxic at the time but after taking a huge step back I can now see even more clearly how toxic it actually was (I was so used to toxic at the time that I never considered how it might affect my health). I'm hoping that if I manage to recover enough energy to start working again, I'll approach it in a completely different manner. I hope things are going well with the offer you received. x x x

[@hayley1473]

@@anta3612 its funny isnt it , that sometimes you can only see how toxic something is when you actually take a step back . sending love x x

[@anta3612]

@@hayley1473 So true. I think too, in my case, it was also because toxic was "normal" (grew up in an abusive home) I underestimated to what degree it would affect me. But it all got too much in the end. I've hated the isolation that's been a part of my CFS/M.E. journey but on the other hand it's been a gift to be able to completely withdraw from the world (had no choice as I've been too unwell to keep up with normal life) because it's really helped open my eyes and enable me to see just how up to my neck I was in unhealthy situations (mostly family and work). Am feeling so much better now that I've learned to put boundaries between me and toxic situations. I hope you are doing well. Sending love back. x x

[@hayley1473]

@@anta3612 so glad you are feeling much better with the boundaries ! ❤❤

[@angelamcgregor7954]

Brilliant to watch, Hayley you are just amazing! Definitely identify with you on so many aspects, thank you! Alex is a fantastic therapist love watching hs sessions. ❤️

[@hayley1473]

Thank you Angela ! Its very kind of you to say that . I am going to send it back to you and say i am sure you are too !! Thank you 😊! Yes i agree with you about Alex . I look sometimes and wonder what he is going to say . And it is so skilled and brilliant ! But i think its how he says and does things too . He is so calm amongst it all too . Just a lovely manner . He is great . Thank you Angela . ❤❤

[@jillurron2989]

Thank you so much Hayley. Your story is inspirational. The session today really helped me see what in my life causes stress. This includes Unhelpful thought patterns (black and white thinking, mind reading), achiever pattern, create tight schedules / to do list - this creates a my own prison. Thank you so much, your bravery has helped me so much. Xxxx

[@hayley1473]

Thank you Jill. Thank you for taking the time to encourage me . Yes its interesting looking at our lives in that way isnt it ! Thank you for helping me too x x x

[@helenacoles7960]

Great episode!! I am blown away by how strong, insightful and determined you are Hayley. Great questions Alex, and I really needed to hear that it is possible to experience the feelings while challenging the story that goes with them. Thank you all SO much.

[@hayley1473]

thank you Helena ! Bless you for using such positive words to describe me ! thank you ! I have words i use to describe myself , but yours are way better 😆 , so from now on i will use yours . Thank you 😊! Yes this all makes more sense now watching it back , what Alex is saying . thank you x x

[@anta3612]

Hi Hayley and Alex. Wow, just wow! So true that Hayley is a badass! This session resonated with what I've been going through lately and has given me lots of food for thought. I've been stuck in a story for ages which tends to rear its ugly head especially when I'm either feeling down or going through a challenge. Time to challenge it and rewrite it! I love what you said, Hayley about not being a victim to your own thoughts and asking yourself whether it's trying to teach you something or whether you need to let it go. As I mentioned in a previous comment, I struggled for ages to understand boundaries and then set them and then stick to them (not going back to my previous ways) and like you I've experienced a tremendous sense of loss that I still have difficulty coming to terms with at times (though it's getting easier). On the one hand I know that those relationships were harming me and contributed to me becoming ill, but they were also all I'd ever known. When I became ill my world came crashing down on me and having little energy and being housebound due to CFS/M.E. has restricted my ability to make new acquaintances and friendships. Therefore, although I know I can't go back to my previous life of unhealthy relationships, I've also struggled to carve a path forward and have been stuck in limbo for quite a while now. Currently, I'm working on feeling safe in my body and the stop process which is helping me free up energy. I'm taking it slowly day by day and hopefully in time I'll have enough energy to get out and meet new people and start creating happy, positive memories again. Like yourself, I'm a people person and the isolation that comes with living with CFS/M.E. has been devastating. I feel like I've been stuck in grief for quite some time. It's something I'll need to focus on when I go back into therapy. Well done, Hayley, for choosing to not stay stuck in grief and for making the decision to move forward and live life! Like I said: you are a courageous warrior! 👏👏👏

[@hayley1473]

Thank you so much An Ta for your encouragement and sharing your story too . We seem so similar in many things we have been and are going through . Just sending you lots of love , strength , peace and everything else you need . Holding you in my heart and thoughts ❤❤❤

[@anta3612]

@@hayley1473 Bless you Hayley. When I hear you tell your story I think at times that we could be sisters. Holding you in my heart and thoughts too and sending you hugs and a ton of love. You're such a special person and have really touched me. ❤❤❤

[@hayley1473]

@@anta3612 thank you so much ❤ . Bless you ! I have all my replies disappearing again . Isnt it funny ! Still cant work out why . sending lots of love x x x Hope you get this message ok . But it might disappear again 😆 x x

[@anta3612]

@@hayley1473 No worries! ❤

[@charmaineallen158]

Stay with the emotion, it will pass and stop the BS narrative that false believe, that fear (false evidence appearing real). You guys rock. Love the conversations. Stay string Hayley. You have what it takes. Trust yourself.

[@hayley1473]

thank you for your lovely words of strength and encouragement ❤❤

[@amandaford1278]

Wow! Well done on the job and exam. Oh my goodness, I completely get the grief, it's so hard to separate from our parents when they're unhealthy, and it's a very brave and vulnerable thing to do. But it is so painful, and feels like you're losing a limb, but very worth it!

[@hayley1473]

thank you Amanda 🙂 ❤. so sorry for late reply ! Yes its painful isnt it . xxx ❤

[@NurseAmy1993]

You are brilliant Hayley (getting an 100 on your test-you go girl)! I do understand why you have the connection of being perfect as a safety mechanism because I grew up a type A, people pleasing perfectionist at a very young age. Parents argued a lot and my dad called me his perfect daughter. He used me a lot for his insecurities as a husband and father and I became his crutch when he needed anything (this is where that line “what did you have to do to be loved as a child” comes in). My story may be that I don’t have to be perfect just enjoy the progress. Yes I do need the connection of people but I don’t have to make everyone like me. And lastly I can be loved for just being me not everything to everyone one else. I deserve unconditional love! Thank you for your honesty and vulnerability, you rock lady xx

[@hayley1473]

aww thank you Amy . thank you so much for sharing your thoughts too . Really helpful and they really make sense to me and help me . thank you ❤❤ x x

[@michellelewing8920]

I love this so much! I listened to the podcast and chuckled knowingly on multiple occasions as Hayley and I have much in common in the way we look at things. It was so helpful to be able to see my struggle from the outside looking in. I felt validated in just how difficult it is to change the beliefs and felt less alone although I wish Hayley didn't know the pain of it. I recognize that there are things that she will know and appreciate in a way that she could not have otherwise and take heart in that. I think I was also able to see and hear things my therapist has been teaching me from a different perspective hearing them from Alex. I am grateful for the access to part of the journey. Thank you all for sharing it with us.

[@hayley1473]

Aww thank you so much . Thank you for your lovely encouraging words ! i wish you strength and love in your journey . thank you ❤ x x thank you so much 😊

[@frentbow]

Hayley, good luck on your journey. Your hard work and progress is really impressive and inspiring.

[@hayley1473]

thank you so much ❤. i am sorry for the late reply . thank you xx very kind of you x

[@thescapegoatclub]

I did a virtual high-five when Hayley chose to go to Edinburgh! 😀

[@hayley1473]

🤣 I gave myself one too 😃 . Thank you ! 🙂 We kinda blew the car the car up driving home though . But thats another story 🤣🤣. Thank you ❤ x x

[@thescapegoatclub]

@@hayley1473 wow, the Fringe and an exploding car! You got your value for money on adventure! Honestly, it made me so happy that you made that decision. I could see it was hard, but you did it anyway. That’s gutsy!! And you aced your counselling exams. Sweet! I’m studying to be a counsellor too… high-fives to both of us for that!

[@melliness123]

I've subscribed to your Scapegoat Club KZbin channel x

[@hayley1473]

@@thescapegoatclub thank you ❤ 😊. Yes we definately killed the car 😆 . Great to hear you are studying counselling . thats amazing . Are you in the uk ? There are so many different exam bodies and courses over here ! I cant believe i chose to do the only course with an actual written exam in exam conditions . Its with AIM . You dont have to sit any other written exams with any other course here . Trust me to choose the most stressful one 😂. Are you enjoying it ? x x

[@thescapegoatclub]

@@hayley1473 I'm glad the car was the only casualty! I love my counselling course. It is mainly online, though I do a big practicum/work experience placement. Thankfully not any traditional exams- that sounds super stressful- but you aced it! :) I have written assignments and videoed counselling sessions. I'm currently in Canada, but from the UK originally and who knows where life will take me! I'm working towards opening a virtual practice so trying to figure out if I can offer any therapy to UK clients. It's so complicated though! Like you say, there are so many different courses, accreditation is confusing....

[@maciejsiedziako680]

This is great epizode, great questions.

[@hayley1473]

thank you so much Maciej ! Hope you are well 🙂

[@Leethal18]

Loved this, has given me some things to work on too.

[@hayley1473]

Thank you Fleabag . 😊❤ x x

[@kimberleyhuntington7243]

Hi Hayley thank you for being brave and sharing your story. I wondered if your O.C.D has changed at all?

[@hayley1473]

wow Kimberley i have spend about 25 minutes writing a really long answer to your question and its disappeared . Honestly i have no idea why my comments disappear from youtube ? Its so weird …they are always disappearing . Not sure if this one will too x x x

[@hayley1473]

why did i start the comment off with wow …so sorry . thank you x x x

[@kimberleyhuntington7243]

@@hayley1473 this one came through. I am sorry they are disappearing for you that must be frustrating 😞 I am not very technical so not sure why they are sorry I can’t help with that but really appreciate you replying to me ❤️

[@hayley1473]

@@kimberleyhuntington7243 i will try again tomorrow x x x x

[@kimberleyhuntington7243]

@@hayley1473 bless you thank you x

[@kiarntz]

🌷

[@hayley1473]

❤ 😊

[@StandinTLHS]

Now watched a little further (min 16.33 to be precise! ha!). Is it only me that envisaged the mexican wave of halle-feckin-lulyahs going round the stadium to hear Hayley say 'I want to do this .....because it's my right' ? Too involved? Absolutely, but hell, doesn't everyone love to see the worm turn, to watch it find its' 'no' and put in a firm boundary?

[@hayley1473]

❤ ❤ ❤ x x x