You MUST Know THIS to Heal from Narcissistic Abuse

[@ragingphoinix9144]

I was never as anxious, jealous, insecure, unstable, confused, restless as I was when I was with him. I've been cheated on before but there was a finality to it all. A narcisstic relationship is different. It literally takes your entire being.

[@Veronicae266]

Yes… 😮

[@bereal4761]

For real, was soul and energy sucking.

[@tamonivo]

I know how you feel. I hope one day we will be strong and be happy and get what we deserve.

[@Steff579]

I lost my whole life i lost my personality my spirit. It's taken 9 years to be not anxious on a daily basis.

[@mimi-lg8lo]

God bless you Richard Grannon these wise insights will help me face the narcissistic victimization I've experienced my whole life and I can begin healing!

[@lisamariesmith3610]

It’s incredible how deep their disfunction and cruelty runs. What a nightmare for those of us that loved who we thought they were.

[@rickrussell6188]

Well said my friend ... and so true..

[@stepfaniehawkins205]

Realizing I was in love with someone that didn't exist was the worst.

[@Siameezkattwo]

Yeah the potential for what it could have been (never!) is the saddest

[@Earthylovingurl]

It’s such a mind fuk u can’t even put it into words ever .

[@MrsIndy-nh1yd]

Absolutely! I lived if you were the last man on earth. But I did instead of didn’t!

[@nailahlamees2017]

It's so tiring and horrible existence to ruminate when you want to just be done.

[@Trisof88]

I agree. Existence is tiresome and largely disappointing

[@leadlove391]

Exactly...especially when we shared a house and he is making it hard for us to sell as he still lives there.

[@slavkavancikova5377]

Feeling the pain and guilt still ...but I wanted a partner not a child. Profound teaching, eye opening.

[@JenniferBrooke45]

So true!!

[@lala5061]

Rumination drove me nuts for years, in the morning and all day just thinking! Im talking 18 years! I just wanted it to go away it took the place of my relationship with God I had...that's how I knew 😢...I been sorry to God 🙏🏽 I feel so bad...but He showed me the truth and it hurts and im mad...but I thank God cuz i like Him better 🙌🏽 and yes I figured him out and got him out...it does hurt tho we got 4 kids but when my eyes finally opened due to God and being in the word he was ready to go on his own it was the only thing that worked but i had to show it, court system did not work but God and changed responses did work 🤷🏽‍♀️🙌🏽

[@empressenergee]

They don’t just break your heart they break your soul. That’s why recovery is so difficult. But worth it. Persevere and everything changes for the better.

[@healthyforpurpose1898]

Will I heal I threw him out 2 days ago god I feel awful trying to be strong

[@mistymac9345]

My son has recovered, it took almost 4 years.

[@Tomgood1984]

@@healthyforpurpose1898 if it makes you feel better my brother buried my dad and didn't tell me (who I carried for not him) I gave up my top job to nurse him out of a crack addiction and he stole all my inheritance money. I'm 3 years into no contact but I still get days when i think about him but I trained my self that reminds me that I'm still human and hence no go back. ♥️ Your not alone ...

[@dinekevinke3384]

That is what I feel in relationship with my colleges

[@hankhill3417]

Your pain will be melted into psychological bullets they shoot at you. Shaddenfreude

[@f.frederickskitty2910]

After several years of insanity and denial I came to the realization that the person I considered to be my best friend was a bloodsucking jackal of narcissist. Later I understood that having called it a friendship was a stretch - an entanglement would have more accurately described it. I'm disgusted by the amount of abuse I allowed myself to be subjected to before enough was enough.

[@bouchetouche]

I hear you. I was scapegoated by my childhood friend group for 20+ years until I finally had enough and walked away over a year ago. One of the flying monkeys tries to reach out and guilt trip me for leaving every now and then still.

[@innerwestie1446]

Me too!

[@OnTheEDge2011]

Me too. But that ok, Lets go on with our lifes, its a great thing that they are no longer with us. Big hug from Portugal

[@francesmartel7948]

I hear you too. I came to the realization that I was a “scapegoat” to this narcissistic monster after several years of crap.

[@GunnzaEIR]

I have went through this with multiple friends not really realising what I was in for years. Always being the butt of the jokes etc. This education has glass shattered and showed me the truth. I have lost two of who I thought where my best friends now. Still wondering if I did the right thing going no contact

[@pattiewoodall2488]

Life becomes beautiful once we discard the low vibing mental case. Trust me, I did it! ❤ No contact is the way!

[@rayedrama]

👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

[@squirrelsinthewoods]

Low vibing is so true! I never felt so low in my life, it didn't feel like depression but a different type of feeling low. You said it well!

[@gloriahorvath3778]

Yes! No contact is a must.

[@oksanachalifour3036]

Wish. I have 6 year old

[@leannhoward7306]

No contact is the only way to go. But it's merely the first step to recovery.

[@thenorthface4]

A good way to look at recovery from narcissistic abuse is like ripping out the wires from your internal programming and untangling them to plug them back in where they belong.

[@rolandgervais154]

Well put!

[@Quarce1]

Hard facts

[@gwendolyn79]

This!

[@Rachel2428]

I loved your analogy !

[@staciealderson6785]

yes

[@shelleyboggs]

Narcissists move VERY fast in relationships. It's not uncommon to hear, “I love you", and/or be bombarded with love songs/texts/memes a few weeks after meeting them. By rushing into sex/intimacy, they fast-forward the relationship. They get their targets to fall for them before he/she can realize something is amiss. I believe this is also the reason they tend to be VERY good lovers. Sex is usually the “hook” in toxic relationships. Narcissists lack genuine personalities. So, they mirror their targets. If you find you have “so much in common" with a new person, your likes are their likes, and your dislikes are coincidentally their dislikes as well, raise your antennas! They may be mirroring you. This is the “soulmates" hook… You'll also notice that they'll spend more time telling you who they are, verses showing you. As time goes on, you'll notice the words they used to describe themselves do not fit their personality - at all. But, they will fit YOURS!!! Passive-aggressive behavior and irrational/unexplained anger, are also major red flags. Pay attention to how a person treats you the first time you say, “No”, and/or when things don't go their way… If they give you the silent treatment, grow cold, and/or pull away, do not overlook it! Most importantly, if someone pulls away, or goes silent, after you set a boundary - DO NOT pursue them! This is how they groom you to be the chaser in the relationship. It's emotional abuse/manipulation! Pay close attention to people who portray themselves as victims. NOTHING is EVER their fault! EVERYONE, including the family pet, has done them wrong… ALL of their ex's are “crazy” and mistreated them… They’re great, but no one appreciates said greatness… Simply put, it's bullshit! No one should have a laundry list of bad experiences. If they do, RUN, because they're the common denominator! Narcissists tend to have a history of failed/short-term relationships. Believe it or not, it's hard for Narcissists to find people to deal with them long term due to their instability and poor behavior… Superficial relationships/friendships. I've noticed they don't have anyone they're genuinely close to. This is due to their inability to bond and form true attachments to people. Their relationships are shallow and based on surface-level bs. They'll refer to someone as their bestfriend, but you’ll notice they barely speak. Or, that the person is never really around. Or, only shows up when it's time to party, etc. They may also speak down on/poorly of said “bestfriend” behind their back. Narcissists tend to be condescending, two-faced and downright mean! Based on my experience, they cannot talk about deep subjects (i.e. fears/emotions). Or, how a situation truly made them feel. Or, what their childhood was like in detail… They don't want to go there. I suspect, it's because they can't. They don't know themselves well enough. They can't connect. They also live in a world of dishonesty. They're very dishonest with themselves about who they truly are. A poor relationship with their Mother/primary caregiver. Underlying issues between Narcissists and their Mother's (abuse, neglect, don’t get along, etc.), seems to be common. People that I've known who've displayed strong Narcissistic tendencies, ALL had bad relationships with their Mothers! I think it's worth mentioning, their Mother's also displayed strong Narcissistic traits… I'm fully aware and understand that there are healthy adults who have toxic Mother's. However, if you're spotting several red flags in an individual, including this one, pay closer attention! They're selfish! Some are selfish from the very beginning. Some start out generous and slowly begin withholding. Some act helpless and needy. They manipulate people into doing things for them, but never give back. It's not only financial and material selfishness. They're selfish emotionally, affectionately, conversationally. sexually and with their attention. They withhold validation and support. EVERYTHING has to be about them, their needs, their wants and everything happens on their terms. Anger, rage, silent treatments and disappearing acts are common - when they don't get their way. Pathological lying. Narcissists are professional liars. It's their second nature. If you call them out, they'll have no issue staring deeply into your eyes as they tell another lie! You'll hardly ever get the truth. Even with unchallengeable proof of the truth, they'll hold on to the lie. It's actually quite fascinating to see them in action - once you know what you’re dealing with. They also have the uncanny ability to provoke doubt in their victims (even when you KNOW the truth), because their lies are so convincing! Beware of people who do not seek conflict resolution. Many Narcissists enjoy drama/chaos! Remember, these are high-conflict personalities. Many of them NEED to argue and fight! Peace to a narcissist, is what chaos is to non-disordered people - unsettling. This is why they repeat behaviors that trigger a negative response. They need tension, anger and high/out of control emotions. They're known for calling people crazy, drama queens, insecure, etc., but never admit what they did to provoke those responses. And, when you attempt to discuss/resolve something, THEY said/did, they’ll gaslight, stonewall and/or flip it back on to you. They're extremely disrespectful, rude and lack self-awareness. They have an issue with being called out on their behavior and project/deflect to avoid accountability. “Normal” people want to get along, for the most part. So, they seek fair compromises when conflict arises. Narcissists want to “win” and conflict IS their niche. This is how many Narcissists get their way - they wear people down via conflict. Immaturity. It’s one thing to be playful and lighthearted (in appropriate settings), as an adult. It’s something completely different to be immature. Narcissists suffer from arrested development. They do not know how to respond to situations/people/stress/life appropriately. They have a child-like mindset. They truly believe everything is about them and have no concept of the needs of others. By nature, children are takers. They have no concept of reciprocation. They believe their Parents (and everyone else), exists to meet their needs. When their needs aren’t met, or they don’t get what they want, they become mean and throw tantrums. Narcissists cannot think outside of themselves and their wants/needs - like children. They’re completely unaware that people are individuals with their own agency, needs, wants, opinions... They truly believe people exist to serve them. They believe their job is to receive. They’re children trapped in adult bodies, who cannot consider anything/anyone other than themselves! Above everything I've stated, trust your intuition! Narcissists give off an uneasy vibe. They try very hard to appear cool, calm and collected - on the surface. But, you can feel their energy. It's very off-putting. They also tend to have more noticeable negative qualities, than most people. But, you have to stop justifying and making excuses, in order to see things clearly. Accept people for who they are and not who you want them to be. Observe, listen and trust yourself. No one should be allowed to grant themselves a position in your life. Vet people and YOU decide if they'll be a liability, or an asset, to you. Lastly, take cues from your body. If you ever feel your mood changing, feel anxious or feel your stomach knot up, in the company of someone, don't dismiss it! It could be a sign that you're in bad company!!! Additionally, If you suspect cheating or other forms of manipulation and need to gather evidence for your own peace of mind, you may consider reaching out for assistance. For more information, you can contact: MetaspyHub@gmail. com.

[@imawildman]

Word for word exactly what my girlfriend was like. It's like reading from a playbook. Wow!

[@r.r-v2194]

This is exactly what I've been experiencing with this guy I met, that unsettling feeling was there from the beginning and that's why I intentionally tried to take my time with him but then the lovebombing began, the mirroring of my interests and hobbies, pressuring me to move in with him within knowing him only 2 weeks (which luckily I didn't). I honestly felt this sense of unease I couldn't shake off and even tried talking to him about it but ofcourse he didn't get it. He was convinced we were soulmates at first I thought it was cute but I slowly started noticing being anxious because I didn't call him or send him a message in the morning and throw out the day and it was draining. He wanted me to constantly message him yet I work and he does too but my job is demanding. When I told him the first time after knowing him 3 months that I wanted to break up with him he threw a tantrum, became very verbally abusive and with so much rage. Then came the over apologising, crying begging and pleading and promising to change and for a moment he changed but then the cycle started all over again. One year later I've had enough, I broke it off, blocked him before he went all crazy with the tantrums. I feel more peaceful. It's been a week now he still trys to call but I don't pick up. He's caller I'd is hidden but I know it's him.

[@katiethatcher2909]

@@shelleyboggs wow…spot on!

[@naturaleuphoria]

​@@r.r-v2194 wow. You did it. You're lucky. I'm still in it and trying to break off. 30 years of marriage and abuse.

[@colleens28]

I pray for everyone who has suffered from this. The depth of my pain from this has been excruciating. God is bringing me through a healing process through a lot of different things. But I still have a lot to go. But 100% it is working. It is just a gradual process, but God has made a tremendous difference in my life. He has brought me amazing loving people that are the most kind and gentle and intelligent people I have ever met. I swear I have never met people so kind in my life. It is so amazing how he has made people find me instead of me finding them. Look to God, he needs to heal you from this horrible excruciating pain. I care and I love you as my brother or sister in Christ. You are worthy and you are strong. Do not give up no matter what. ❤

[@laurelnicholson6710]

Thank you this message gave me chills. I have also turned to God and to Jesus to heal from a traumatic relationship with a narcissist. I ask God why this happened to me and they have been most merciful in their response, and have reminded me in a good way that this healing will take time and I will always have a scar to serve as a reminder in future to stat away from dangerous people. I pray to Jesus to help me discern between who is dangerous and who is good, as unfortunately my previous partner seemed so good in the beginning that I now doubt my ability to know - though I know God will endow me with answers over time.

[@deirdremorris9234]

​@@laurelnicholson6710I hope and pray you become more and more powerful in your discernment, love, forgiveness.

[@cindyares5234]

Never again ,when this is all over im just getting a parakeet to share the rest of my God given days.

[@marilynnorth4281]

​@@cindyares5234Wise ❤

[@Loveandkindness33]

@@cindyares5234😂 couldn’t agree with you more wholeheartedly!

[@jaywatson6261]

Part 2 - That overwhelming feeling of guilt when you have to go no contact (discard/abandon) this 'child' in an adult's body in order to save yourself - Again this is excellent teaching!

[@Nikelaos_Khristianos]

This experience is VERY tough, but in retrospect, I’ve found that it can validate one’s own humanity and goodness. Like if you found it hard to abandon someone who is struggling, then you are probably a good person. This dynamic I think is most damaging if it’s a child of a narcissistic parent. As the child has to effectively “parent the parent” and eventually make that decision about abandoning their “child” (parent) because they won’t grow up.

[@shellsbells3335]

My dad is the narc and although I’ve gone no contact I feel stuck in my recovery/healing. This duality explains why.

[@TheFoxisintheHouse]

Going no contact 😢

[@lindalou4858]

They make you look bi polar maybe worse in smear campaigning. Choosing self being ❤😂🎉 Healing traumas hasn't been easy. Trusting until there is proof of no trust. Stay calm watch for the signs Words and actions must match. Unhealthy patterns I see and need to exit silently. No discussions ever now, scapegoated all my life. Sucks.

[@Hustle.central]

@@Nikelaos_Khristianosthat’s hard to tell there fam

[@AshleyHenderson8899]

This is so true. After my narcissistic relationship of over 10 years I begin to act just like him. I was in narcissistic rage and everyone thought I was the crazy one. I’m so glad I was able to break free this year, it’s been so hard and it does feel like an addict in rehab. They are not human!!

[@xxmaybememoriesxx667]

feel ya. but yeah about them not being human... this goes along with demonic attachments to these "ppl" very interesting the connection

[@Padraigp]

Well if you were screaming in rage you were the mental one at that point ...you cant say it was all somone elses fault. You were there with your free will and you got whatever you got from it and you chose to behave that way. Its all great when youve bene in a shit relationship to say well he was a bleep ..but to say he was such a bleep i turned into a bleep and that was somone elses fsult. There was two fo you in it. A sane person a healthy minded person would have had. The first disrespect and walked away. We stayed. We are just as bloody mad as they are to put up with them. Tp love them. To start screaming instead of like a nornal person would walk away. Dya know. Ya gotta own that shit ..and also recognise that its possible that when they are eith somone else it will bbe different for them too. A narcisisitic relationship is a narcisisitic relationship. Which you consented to be in. Which you actuvely participated in creating. It may be that they were much better at it and did more damage but at the end of the day we engaged in that narcissistic relationship just as mcuha s they did.

[@AshleyHenderson8899]

@@Padraigp Your response is about as narcissistic as you are! Carry on!

[@Padraigp]

@@AshleyHenderson8899 hmmm... so taking responsibility for your own behaviour is narcisisitic? Well i havent heard that take before. Lol! To me it sounds narcissitic to say you behaved badly shouting and raging but that was somone elses fault?

[@AshleyHenderson8899]

@@Padraigp To me you should use your energy more wisely than commenting a book under my post. Maybe you should practice what you preach and remember when it comes to self accountability everything YOU point out with everybody else, EXIST within! I have done self introspection!!!

[@heravibes]

After I got married, I realized a few years after that my dad was a narcissist and it took me a few more years to heal from his abuse. My father and I no longer speak and I don't allow him to see my children. It was so hard but I chose peace over everything. Sending love and light to those who are healing, or looking to start healing. ❤

[@catherine9808]

Thankyou so so much Richard . I’m a clinical psychologist and have ended a brief marriage to a narc , the label clinical psych I threw in to show that this can happen to any of us . I had a particularly abusive childhood into adulthood and gravitate towards the familiar because that’s what my brain likes . No amount of education changes that , it can only happy through the body and creating new pathways in the brain . The info you went through is just brilliant and so grateful you share online , you’ve helped me so much far more than any one on one therapy I’ve had because unfortunately majority of therapists and psychs are not very well educated on narcissistic abuse and it’s prevalence

[@yagushka]

❤

[@oh2887]

You are right anyone can be affected by this no matter what we know on a professional level. And when in those relationships it is hard to stand back and selfreflect because the copious drama that the NPD causes means that there is no space to self reflect. Thank you for saying that as I could put into pratice with service users what I am trained to do ( CBT) but yet was not "practising what I preach". I felt like I was living a lie, and I was. Anyhow I took a step back and did a different job for a while and worked through what childhood experiences left me open to an NPD relationship. And yes not enough professionals understand the dynamics. Richard Grannon and Sam Vakin are pioneers . 💖

[@HahaT634]

Thank you Catherine for sharing your experience. People who say choose a better partner next time or you should have in the first place are the most clueless. Narc/BPD usually target well educated, resilient partners. I went to see my family doctor, while she was going through my meds , I told her I have had a DV incident and going through divorce, first question she asked was ‘ is he a Narc? I was shocked, I asked her how do you know she said she was married to one. 😢and he nearly destroyed her career. Btw I am training to be a doctor too. So I totally agree that anyone can be a victim of narc abuse, the higher you climb, the more vulnerable you are.

[@monikamona6844]

Catherine what could you recommend for creating new pathways in the brain? Since I've become aware of the dynamic of narcissist games I can seen through them but still I get caught and feel traumatized.

[@JB48632pointfour]

@@monikamona6844 exercise (cardio) has shown to increase the amounts of BDNF which is what increases grey matter in the brain.

[@deanarjones9114]

This is the best explanation I’ve heard yet. And exactly where I’ve been in the prolonged grief that I’ve been clawing my way out of physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and financially. A covert is much more damaging than an overt.

[@kittykat632]

Totally agree... I'm not even sure how to recover some of the things I once had in all 4 categories

[@Daily4Jesus]

i can't agree more . They can literally push you to an early grave,

[@detjaggillar8081]

@@Daily4Jesus Yes a covert narc can do that. But my ex covert narc died first ... for two weeks ago. I had discard him for a couple of years ago and I got NC - after 12 years of toxic relationship.

[@xxxMixedGenreFavs]

Right. The covert ones are more venomous. Knowing is half the battle. When you know an overt, you can maneuver better around them. But with the covert you wouldn't know as they plot your demise.

[@deanarjones9114]

@@kittykat632 just start from where you are. Somethings will never be the same, and that’s okay. It’s not always restoration, repair, rebuild. It can be starting from scratch, new construction, different paths, and new behaviors.

[@WeR1bodyNChrist]

Unfortunately, I have lived among so many narcissists in my life. Both parents, ex-husband, two daughters, and a sister; they all are malignant narcissists. And many relatives who are narcissists! If it was not for the Grace of God, I would be six feet under. I continue to heal, daily. It’s a lifetime commitment to live drama free and narcissist free. Only because of God, I’m alive and well today!❤ Thank You Jesus Christ! 💯🙏🏽♥️

[@RebeccaSmoot-b9s]

It’s wild to read my life through your experience! Praise God that we are still alive, getting better, and will help others as we heal!❤ Blessing❤🙏🏽

[@jaywatson6261]

@WeR1bodyNChrist - All the best to you. God is in control. Some of your content also resonates with me! The most frightening of all is that those personality types are also in the church!🙏🏾

[@ChosenOne1967]

Matthew 10:34-39 NKJV Do not think that I came to bring peace on earth. I did not come to bring peace but a sword. For I have come to ‘set a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law’; and ‘a man’s enemies will be those of his own household.’ He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me. He who finds his life will lose it, and he who loses his life for My sake will find it.

[@irisrose4732]

I relate on so many levels. I pretty much have very little family left in my life due to this, BUT I am very much enjoying my peace of mind, and the freedom and growth that I am experiencing. The healing journey has been long and arduous at times, but so worth it. I am learning to truly love myself at this point in life, the rest will follow naturally.

[@marissakuehler6559]

Amen! Thank you for sharing! This so spoke to me- mother, father, husband all narcissists- So few followers of the Lord Jesus Christ have our experience- oh, that more soldiers would speak UP!!! I pray pray pray. I am asking the Lord to bless me financially, to break free- by the Power of the Holy Spirit, as I untangle this web of demonic strongholds. Rely on the strength of His word, His promises! Only by the power, authority of Christ, the Armor of God, can these ties be broken, chains severed, and cast to the pit of hell! Satan get thee behind me! We MUST learn to love ourselves, that it is OKAY and HEALTHY to take care of our needs! To seek what WE deserve. We have been brainwashed to thinking we are worthless and undeserving….That must always be in a state of suffering. I even got counsel from the church that such intense suffering was the Lords calling on my life! What a mess! . I am FINALLY getting back to what makes ME recognize myself after 13 years of looking in the mirror and seeing shadows. EVERYTHING was “ what does he want to do today? How is he feeling? Is he okay? Does he need anything? What does he want of me every second of this day?” My God in Heaven, such thoughts are idolatry! Oh, dear. This is NOT a Christ followers calling! Christ already died on the cross for us, we are not the sacrificial lamb.! How DARE someone ask us to be! We identify with Christ, we identify with suffering- but we are not to be the embodiment of it. No! , Christ wants the BEST for us, His good, perfect will. Living in bondage, no matter WHO it is associated with- is NOT IT! Let us take up the cross and follow Jesus- TO OUR FREEDOM! Stay strong everyone in healing, keep loving and being patient with your separation from these evils- it takes concentration and clarity of mind. Renewal of our minds daily, hourly- reminding ourselves we are loved, we are capable of being present- accepting of healthy conversations- all to heal our precious souls that God created. ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

[@louiseelliott6404]

This made my blood run cold as I totally identified with this. I was the mother, the sacrificial lamb and scapegoat, I also recognise that I started to behave like the narcissist but only temporarily as he mirrored me to start with and then I mirrored him. I’m 101 days NC. Feeling stuck and need to know how to move on and heal. I blindsided and discarded him first. So now I’m giving him the ultimate silent treatment which is narcissistic in itself as that is what he did to me throughout the relationship. I’ve physically left the relationship but I haven’t left it emotionally. Got to kill the shared fantasy and individuate. Thank you Richard.

[@christycomer373]

Ughhhhh me too

[@staceystrukel1917]

It is NOT narcissistic to stop communicating with an abuser.

[@Hustle.central]

Just deprive them

[@Narc_Hunter]

You have to look at no contact, as the ultimate, ethical, counter narcissism. It makes you number one in your priorities again, and it sends the message to the narc in their own language, that you see their abusive, plausibly deniable, sadistic, shit clearly, and are sending them straight to narcissist jail (hell).

[@Rumination_Vertex]

​@@staceystrukel1917Exactly! Enforcing boundaries is NOT narcissistic at all. Making you feel guilty is just one more tool they use to knock you off balance which is what they need to get you to react! They know that if you are a balanced, healthy individual then you're not going to be as easy to have your buttons pushed or get triggered or be manipulated. People shouldn't feel bad at all about this. I've had my scapegoat family use my guilt for being a bad kid against me until one day I realized that I was the ONLY one in the family to recognize his own bad behavior let alone apologize for it. Pay attention to how much you give in every element of your relationship and if the other people you're dealing with are not giving back in kind get rid of them asap! I know it sounds petty but it is necessary if you're a giver cause people will take advantage at every turn while you don't notice cause you're not a petty person! This shit is crazy!

[@johnandersson8258]

"It's because I couldn't stand abandoning her. I couldn't deal with the guilt." So spot on! Oh! all the stories we've told ourselves to keep a distance between ourselves and the guilt which, for some of us, is a direct ticket to shame. Thanks.

[@luper432]

YOU PEOPLE REALIZE WHAT THE FUCK THIS IS... LITTERELY YOU BE CHEWED UP AND THE SPITTED OUT. IT IS ASSIMILATATION BY BORG. HOW IS THE HUMAN PROGRAMED TO DO SUCH A THING TO ANOTHER. SOUNDS. N O T OF T H I S W O RL D

[@luper432]

Better start watching STAR TREK. then you figure all out.

[@kevinbissinger]

ugh, this just reminded me how many times she used to threaten suicide whenever I started getting strong enough to leave...

[@OkieDokie-ft5pm]

@@kevinbissinger That reminds me of that Pearl Jam lyric "Push Me/Pull Me" from their last album of their classic 1990s era, 'Yield'. An ironic album title because that's where I nearly co-destroyed myself with the narcissist, by YIELDING too much. I'm not just talking about romantic stuff, that's one thing. I'm talking about family of origin nonsense I was still ingesting BEFORE I finally went NO CONTACT with my 3 EX-SIBLINGS. Despite moving from DC to AZ, after too many times from a rather to semi-open SMEAR CAMPAIGN, they were crucifying me, basically. I initially moved out here for the few better women as a then 27-year old dude. And I got that totally! But as a 50-year guy, I am SO GLAD to be 2300 miles away just for the sake of not ever having to be within psychical proximity of those bullying back stabbers. (who have been cyber stalking me for years, by the way. Phone hacking me like the little proverbial BITCHES they are! The women aren't the only one who are the "SHORTIES" here in this case! I had to take a shot!!. PS If you are one of those "I am a BITCH and PROUD OF IT" neo feminist types, I'm so glad that you're some other dude's PROBLEM and not mine! (I fortunately never chose to date a FemiNAZI... But my sister and mother are covert ones, NOT TO MENTION rather OVERT NARCISSISTS at times and I can't stand them!)

[@OkieDokie-ft5pm]

This is exactly how I felt when I struggled to keep a relationship PERMANENTLY ENDED with a woman who was horrible for me in the last decade. I used to justify it with my ego that was "only in it for the sex" and that I was "getting laid!" BUT SHE WAS JUST USING ME FOR DRUGS/MONEY (if I'm honest with myself.) YET my heart of heart knew something was amiss! I USED TO GET HER BEST AND NOW I WAS ONLY GETTING THE REST BASICALLY. It's tough to admit to myself that I settled for someone who is just evidently transparently using me as a virtual beta provider boy. Like yourself, I kept myself in the "I don't want to abandon her" TRAP. So I as well as you hear have to agree with Richard as much as I hate referring to myself as a co-symbiotic mother or whatever. At the end of the day, only I could end things. The next time she shows up at my place unannounced (have not talked to her in like half a year), I have to RESPECT MYSELF and not even answer the FUCKING door

[@Stephchang-d3l]

Being with my ex narc for the past 8 yrs. made me observe this very pattern. I think they wanted to feel very important in a way that is disturbing. Instead of building trust with their intimate partners, they destroy the trust that they built with you (in that case lying when they tried to put you in their pedestal). Once they have a committed partner, they can’t stand being loved authentically by one person. Instead they go on and prey on other women that is susceptible to their love bombing. My ex narc was a compulsive pursuer in a relationship. He would go back and forth to the women he were involved before or try to meet women in complicated situation so that going public isn’t an option while having you as their main supply. In the end they destroy the very person that loved them. They are like toddlers testing your love for them. Showing and telling them you love them isn’t enough, they will cheat on your face to make you feel inadequate even if you are more than they deserve. They want to test your love for them so they keep hurting you and when you have enough of their abuse, you leave. Then they tell you, ‘you never loved me because you abandon me’. Well in fact it’s their actions and narcissistic behavior that made you leave or in other cases they discard you and will give silly reasons of the discard. Mine would use, ‘she’s crazy’, ‘she’s a nega-star’, ‘she insults me’, ‘she cheated on me’ et al. So with this pattern of infidelities and emotional abuse (who knows what else) it’s better to walk away. I did walk away and is now rebuilding my life with our daughter. We are struggling financially because I’m not earning enough to provide for my daughter but now we get to laugh and bring with us sunshine every day. No lies, no abuse and no fake love. We only live once, forgive yourself and move forward but never forget the lesson that narc abuse taught you. That is to respect yourself to walk away from what’s hurting and destroying you. That you deserve a life of solitude, happiness and love. Hugs*** :) Additionally I hired a private detective Metaspyhub@gmail. com. Once I knew what the narc was up to, it got easier to get over that lying, cheating, sack of doo doo, loser. I didn’t need closure from the narc, I paid for it. Best money I EVER spent!

[@carissajo90]

Spam??? Or is that a real email?

[@Stephchang-d3l]

@@carissajo90 It's a real email and a real name, not a spam. Feel free to reach out if you have any questions !

[@leigh1982]

My narc was just the same in all aspects, the predator. But he also took advantage of my 11 year old daughter for the time we were together. He is one sick boy. I only found out after I left the relationship. How do I get over that... So much mom guilt. He destroyed 2 ppl. He's going to trial in Dec. Hope he gets jail time.

[@nishar7381]

I'm actually a year in but told them to stay away and that I was done. I have a daughter and financially in a bind too. I can't seem to catch a break. They're evil.

[@lazycatdayz4ever905]

Richard, thank you for this very clear explanation. Several months ago, you got through to me with your video “five steps to leave”. I’m 7 months NO contact after 10 years with malignant narc. Working with a trauma therapist. Broke the trauma bond. Let go of the guilt. I don’t care if the PARASITE is ok or not. Have become indifferent. He continues to hoover. My old fantasy of the perfect family is dead. You said this would be extremely difficult, and it has been. Healing is a slow process but I keep pushing through. Anyone out there who is still in a toxic relationship, YOU CAN LEAVE. Richard said it is a test of your will. Watch his video five steps to leave a narcissistic relationship. Watch it over and over again. It is beautiful on the other side!

[@RICHARDGRANNON]

Glad to hear you are doing better, Thank you for watching 😎

[@tp6299]

Thank you for your comment 🙏 Watching next!

[@mmnde12]

Do you have kids with him? I’m separated for 7 months with small kids and it’s hard to set boundaries and not to worry myself sick about how my kids will grow up..

[@lazycatdayz4ever905]

@@mmnde12 I don’t have kids from this last relationship. This ex boyfriend is truly pathologic, and he has been my wake up call. I have a pattern of choosing unhealthy partners. My ex-husband of 12 years is definitely on the spectrum, not diagnosed NPD. My kids with him are now 20 and 16 and they are wise. They can spot toxic behavior a mile away. They only see their father when they absolutely have to for holidays, and they gray rock him. Here’s my advice to you. Don’t try to coparent, parallel parent instead. Communicate with him only about essential issues regarding the children. Document your conversations in a journal. Document every incident that occurs. That really saved us when after being divorced nine years, he try to get custody of my younger child. Fell flat on his face since I had everything documented, even had recordings of his rages. And most importantly, remember to be the rock for your children. You are the safe place for them to land. When my kids would come home from their fathers, I would give them time to decompress then we would return to our routine. Our house is full of love and laughter. One strong parent can raise healthy children. Keep learning and watching Richard. Also Dr Ramani, The Little Shaman. Remember to stay out of the FOG (fear, obligation and guilt). Best of luck on your journey.

[@jmashack1]

Congratulations and good for you. It is a slow process. The pain gets less as the healing continues. Number 1 rule for me, no matter what do not go back. It has been 1 year and 8 months.

[@venuspsychicmasseuse]

The sex is withheld, the affection is with held. And a craving is built. Its so crazy how it works.

[@fridabrolin2390]

Yes the last guy a dated for 2,5 month witheld sex and affection, I never experienced that before. Im used to be desired by my man and be passionate. He seemed totally uninterested and its the worst😂 lover I had in my life. 2 times we were intimate during our relationship. I broke up with him, but the injury its there. He really hurted me in this short period of time. Trying to make myself perceive myself as crazy, as my home was so messy and dirthy and was such a bad parent. He attacked my spirituality, my believes, my age, my soul, my mind, my body he used everything that I had told him against me.

[@GemmaDann]

​@@fridabrolin2390 This sounds like my ex. He was just a hobosexual. Needed a mummy and accommodation. He didn't need sex because he was having it with someone else.

[@SapnaRajput-nl9jl]

I have only one word for this video - WOW.

[@daniel_belongs_to_christ]

Oh Lord when he said enter my place to be sacrificed to Moloch … wow. This is the truth. Thank you for showing me the spiritual truth behind this abuse I survived. I knew it was satanic but didnt realize how twisted and contorted of a reality I was in. I praise God for deliverance and healing. It took Christ himself to free me from a 17 yr marriage with this demonic oppressor.

[@deirdremorris9234]

It surely is demonic.

[@lisagags9751]

Yes.

[@naiyalexic]

Richard, you're saving and rescuing good people from anguish, mental and emotional stagnation, grief, and spirit-death. Thank you for all that you do. Thank you for every video, every word, every logical outline, every explanation, and every moment of what you do.

[@bonnsterthemonster]

That's not including when he poops, right?

[@kerethajackson2435]

You're right 💯 Sir . Thanks, and God bless you always ❤❤❤❤❤❤

[@lgd4247]

Yes, spirit death.

[@Goldberry44]

💯💯💯❤️

[@Coldbrookdangee]

Just spent 6 months being lied to and cheated on by a person telling me every single day that I’m safe and that this would never ever happen. Shark eyes. Phone hiding. Strange smells. Strange behaviors. Do not ignore these things. Mind your gut. Date SLOWLY

[@jenniporras0312]

12 yrs for me

[@thewanderingmind3327]

​@@jenniporras0312same here. I was discarded only a few months ago. This has been so hard

[@daniel_belongs_to_christ]

My wife, divorcing, has serious mother issues and this is making crazy sense. Praise God for delivering me from this ridiculous oppression.

[@smh8-n1e]

I’m Currently in the discard stage of my narcissistic marriage to my husband and I’m so happy that I am smart enough to watch these videos and educate myself enough to not take his horrible treatment to me personally and get out of this marriage asap. It’s truly absolute insanity and watching you tube videos about narcissism is what I do to stay focused on my future without him and I feel so sorry for the people who had to endure narcissistic abuse before digital era and inability to research and learn to understand what they were dealing with . I think this model Is very accurate.

[@redonionsyummy]

How are you doing post divorce?

[@KaiLuo-w6g]

I just got discarded, and this is the best video that I find it so helpful and explains my whole relationship with a narcissist/ sober alcoholic from the beginning to the end and post breakup to the core! Wow! It’s mind blowing. I must watch this over and over again until I finally healed. Thank you for the amazing work that you do! ❤

[@Josh1V3]

Same here 😢

[@vickisantosdm]

What you describe about the target being viewed as the mother so the narcissist can individuate is precisely what I experienced. I had not been able to put into words this experience, but hearing this now, I feel validated. Thank you.

[@MrSamadolfo]

Confirmed here as well, but as a dude I call it being her Father Figure, which is why its much harder to let go. Im also a Father as to my Son as well.

[@kimberlyestes3978]

My narcissistic husband fits the description so well. When he lies and I know, he looks like a little boy who has been caught with his hand in the cookie jar. If we were in an “argument “, he would mock me. I knew that I didn’t sound like that. Finally realized that he was imitating his mother. Same tone of voice. Same cadence in speaking. Very strange experience. Very scary. Very sad.

[@therealbronxilla]

This was fantastic. Left my ex-narc 2 months ago and I've been walking around recently in a daze, wondering what the hell happened. It was like when I was with her I had entered some kind of an alternate reality - I lost my self; everything I thought or did was related to her in some way. I became an extension of her. Talk about colonization. After I left her I would read books or watch videos and think "Oh, this would help her." or "She'd like to know about this." This has been slowly getting better, but there have been some painful backsliding. This model brings out what was going on in bold relief. Thank you so much for this!

[@paulread4865]

Exactly my experience too. I wish you well.

[@brittanyalonge]

Same. We got this!

[@deehyatt5173]

I have not escaped yet.. but I had two months where he had left to ‘stay with a guy friend’ - Jan 1st 2022 - it was a female he had obviously been sleeping with well before he left me.. my mistake ? Letting him know I was feeling good, going to the gym, enjoying my family & friends.. because he ran back and I’ve been in a horrible battle with myself for him to leave for good. It is so hard when you think of them, just want to say something, share something.. and during that two months I was able to do that.. soon I won’t be able to. I am watching this video ten times and going to work on being stronger !! Positive vibes to you, hope everyone is safe and doing well.. 🦋✨🕊

[@kristen9827]

Your statement is so very true, resonates with me so much. I became a shell of myself, didn’t understand my own actions anymore. It was like I was truly “infected” with his traumas, pain, anger, rage, contempt, jealousy and pain. I completely lost myself. Never again. What a mind f*ck

[@foosmonkey]

“Oh this would help her see my point of view” “hey this is interesting, I should show it to her” Is met with “ugh! You’re reading *that* ? Why would you be reading that trash? You know that book was written by a (insert derogatory term here), right?”

[@tuhinsuryachakraborty]

A narcissist tricks you with severe trauma bond when I was totally fine being single, then slowly for a span of 1.5 years sucked the life out of me leaving me emotionally broken with anger, trust issues.

[@kayesmith2518]

Sooo true

[@joshuaa8192]

Same exact thing. I was fine being single and didn't want anything. Met a woman back in 2023 of February. Now just recently, I'm trying to recover.. Especially after just witnessing her going on a date and hooking up after 1 week of not talking

[@JenniferBrooke45]

Yes me too

[@khaledaparveenrupa3206]

Thank you so much. I wondered before why it felt so uncomfortable to leave narcissistic people. GUILT. Even though they are openly abusive to you, their victimhood and dependency make you feel guilty.

[@emilykathleenn]

Definitely true and they are very dependant on us , yet they treat us like nothing at times and twist it around and say we need them!!!

[@annaolausson6862]

Hmm lhbmo

[@leahflower9924]

I didn't really actually deal with much victim complex from the narc maybe because they weren't covert they were some other variety but I had a hard time leaving because I was convinced I was so unworthy and also given that feeling like the world was fine until I came into it like if it rained or someone got hurt it was my fault kind of like OCD so I thought I didn't deserve to leave if that makes sense

[@gaylaken]

Yes it does

[@paulacol2142]

Love is gentle ,love is kind ,love is patience ,..love is compassionate ,love is understanding ,. love is empathetic,.love is faithfulness ,love is not lying , love is selflessness ,.. love is every thing a narssisst is not ,..at first you cant believe how charming and almost perfect they are, because they have mastered the art of copying empathetic people ,. But unfortunately the pretense can not last as it is unnatural,.. Once the mask has slipped it is off and will stay off ,this is their true self ,,there is no love there,.nothing ok they will never change ,after you leave ,you will be slandered they seek revenge ,.. please learn all you can about these evil creatures,,,i thank God above giveing me the strength,.to go into solitude for long time i studyed about narssisim ,.i got all narssistic family and so called friends out of my life ,surrounded myself with animals and nature and yoga and trauma therapy,..please be kind to yourselves you owe it to your self ,,and your mental and physical health is precious ,..I say to myself now Silence is golden ,,,im sending blessings of peace ,light ,and love ,and protection for all you brave souls ❤

[@Ashaera]

This makes so much sense. Ironically, the (covert) narcissist is my mother. We even used to joke that I was her mom since I took such good care of her. Makes me feel sick knowing all of this. I'm currently in the middle of trying to break away.

[@SilvijaKatarina]

Same here. It was completely rude awakening, but I know deep inside this was/is last episode.

[@CarolynCreed]

Same here. When I finally set a boundary and said No for the first time ever to her, I literally thought I was killing my own child. So messed up. But 3 months now no contact and I’ve never felt lighter. Wishing you well as you break free from your chains and learn how to give yourself the true love you never got. 💞🌟

[@natiagogichaishvili3556]

Same. I even joked that he had some characteristics of my father. Now I'm getting that him AND my father are both covert narcs. And I'm dealing with the guilt about both of them AND abadonement from them because, well... )) Talk about being messed up )) But it's getting better. And this video helped to clear a lot of things up.

[@linhuang5267]

My narc father used me as his “mother” since I was a teen. He asked me to praise him when he thought he did a good job. I still vividly remember the strong nausea I felt in those moments as a teen.

[@Sophiedorian0535]

Same here. Now that my mother has died, my father has taken to calling me by her name. I have already donned my parachute. I’ll be bailing out, soon.

[@Chriscraftyone2010]

Well said, thank you for sharing this importsnt information! Narcissists will literally try to take your soul. I know that my aura shined bright, my soul was sincere and I knew who I was when we 1st met,. 14 yrs later, I learned the words Narcissist and gaslighting... Everything I was reading made more sense to Me than any of the arguments in my relationship and life. Wow what a devastating blow to put all the puzzle pieces together finally And realize that my dream was over and that thats all it ever was... I made an exit plan, followed it and can proudly and confidently say that I went no contact. I have been recreating myself and healing for almost 3 1/2 yrs now ❤ In so many ways everyday now, I feel my colirs coming back and my sense of the new and improved me are starting to shine through. We are stronger than we think

[@bonemusclesnharmonyjeffers1353]

"A mother abandoning a child" hit the nail on the head. I had a dream about him once that I broke up with him, then he shrank into a 5 year old, and I had to explain it to him all over again. I was in a relationship with this grandiose narcissist for over 2 years, and finally left after I saw what it was doing to our kids. Now, I've attracted 2 vulnerable narcissists. The first one, I didn't know it existed until I finally told a friend what was happening. This last one, I just broke up with him a week ago after just 6 months. It was like after month 4, everything changed, and my nervous system noticed before I did. Then, when I brought up an issue, he became a child. He wanted to sweep it under the rug instead of having a resolution, which I cannot compromise ever again. Any way, thank you for your videos. I understand so much more when you draw everything out. I just need to figure out how to stop attracting men like this.

[@mrichards7849]

It’s not so much that you are attracting them, it’s more they are exploiting your weaknesses and vulnerabilities because that’s what they do. If you can learn to be tougher, they may stop trying. I’m in the same boat.

[@bonnsterthemonster]

Sympathetic waves.

[@Jomarcor1982]

I had to check the authorship of this comment because I thought I forgot having written this. It’s absolutely mind blowing to see that your experience is exactly the same I have lived. I hope you are ok right now. I send you all my positive vibes from Spain. You are not alone.

[@englishmadcow7461]

So many narcs online especially dating sites. Many are married n need a new source. But I know my boundaries n will not compromise. It's saved me from a lot of further trauma. I live a happy content n proactive life now I've put the past to bed n forgiven my ex husband for my benefit. I don't care about him any more but I still mourn the loss, which I see as my brain telling me to not forget or repeat the destructive cycle he caused. I loved him completely and at 55 with poor health that I believe he exacerbated cos of the damage n upset, I doubt I'll love again. But have to have hope that I might 😀

[@ginamacintire2883]

Not weird at all if you understand spiritual warfare!! Best video on understanding the process of narcissistic abuse I’ve ever heard!! 🎉

[@dustersinternational221]

Yes, weird it popped up. I recall on my nights and years of healing to understand was unanswerable. But I do remember my Tower Moment and being reborn, like a Phonix rising from the ashes🔥

[@Shelah-zb3yo]

Lord knows trying translate.. Spiritual warfare is a Battle for the mind🙏

[@She-Ra-db7eg]

What do you mean?

[@CeebarSuzy]

Yep! Spiritual warfare 100%! End goal, you can have the Lord or someones who want to be your lords in the flesh; the someones sneaking around seeking who they can destroy.

[@cherylsidor90]

IT is a weird nightmare! I felt like I was in twilight zone!!! I wondered if I had gone crazy! Completely horrific. Definitely abandonment issues & I changed drastically. This is an incredible tutorial! I’m blown away.

[@Brite1111]

I said the same thing to my counselor!! Twilight Zone 💀 ☠️

[@STELLA-YANN]

Spiritual growth and spiritual ascension helps become you own person again 🧘🏻‍♀

[@arleenschenke978]

This made me cry for all that gets lost and harmed in these terrible relationships. Thank you, Richard, for your intelligent, articulate, compassionate explanation of the turmoil, and for making Vaknin's ideas so accessible.

[@Rude-gyal]

Omg! I’m still in the pod 😱 “that’s why you’re still watching you tube videos on narcissistic abuse” …now that was a wake up call.

[@daniellestaley9432]

Me too

[@constadia4206]

Same here

[@carolehibbert7304]

I'm still watching KZbin narc videos 12 yrs later...😂 Prolonged Grief Syndrome is real....

[@AdamNPDSurvivor]

I did everything in my marriage to a narcissist. Absolutely everything. The ex-wife just went to work and came home. I cooked, took the kids to school, picked them up, took them to after school activities, took them out at weekends, everything, everything, everything. I never had any time out. We rarely did anything as a family. I was so chronically stressed. I am 3 years out now and so calm and collected. I've done a lot of healing work. I have got back into watching Richard Grannon videos again and also started watching Sam Vaknin videos this last week. It seems I wasn't mentally ready to listen to either teachings before but now I am 100% in. I understand what it is they are trying to teach. I think previously I just need to understand narcissistic behaviours and relate to that. Now I am ready to learn the why and wherefores for it all to make sense. It took a while but I got there in the end. Raised by a narcissist father and then married a narcissist wife. 47 years of narcissistic abuse takes a lot of learning and unlearning.

[@peggynarcsuvivor9073]

I can relate 45 yrs did it all w my kids schooling lessons n never expected as he wanted me home so I tried to be grateful for his sacrifice to provide. Now he filed over 5 yrs ago n dragging divorce its a nightmare n of course alienated some of my kids with lies. What a piece of work.

[@scuba6797]

Of course you are not happy. You took the role of a woman and she's the man of the relationship. Shes working and is a feminist and selfish! Unclear gender rolls when she wants to be the boss. Good luck.

[@elizabethy2912]

Check out Tim Fletcher, too. He's very helpful.

[@HeatherAndrews-x2e]

Over 40 years with a nassist husband , l didn't Know what it was . Now l see him for what he is .. can't leave , no where to go ! Feel trapped . As he gets older he gets worse , l am seeing his true self . He is very sick , but still plays games , every opportunity. It's SAD , l dont think he has any love in him .

[@elizabethy2912]

@@HeatherAndrews-x2e I'm so sorry you're in this situation.

[@camandalshaman]

This is very good. Feeling responsible - I would say to others “you can’t just throw people away”. That phase of not existing- I would say to him “you want my life without me in it” so basically wanted everything that I provided for him and everything I have without having to be around me, participate in the relationship, dismiss anything I needed or wanted or cares about and turned those thing into something wrong with me or me being controlling. He would say “you shouldn’t give me things and expect something back, you do things because you love me” it was mind boggling. But I knew it was him. That he was wrong. I didn’t know what a narcissist was, if I did I would have been gone then. I rationalized that we were just taught different, we just think different. But it’s all down hill from there. But this particularly explains the early interactions that was going on.

[@inspiredbydior5447]

It's so crazy people like this exist! I didn't start doing narcissism study until mid 2021 and for 2 years I was able to connect the dots, but was in major denial! I didn't want to believe the person I thought was the love of my life for 12.5 years was really this evil. I made so many excuses and the more work and healing I began to do on myself, the more I realized I wasn't the problem. He started doing the work too and I thought we could make it even after all the betrayal...it would be good for a little while and then the same thing over and over. It exhausted me and I felt like a zombie and like I didn't know who I was. I began to need validation from him and he became my go to person. I gained weight and he told me I wasn't happy and I was confused and went along with it. I am now out of it and I haven't lost the weight I gained, but I am happy! I feel content in my skin and if I want to lose weight then I will, but it doesn't make me less valuable, even though he tried to make me feel that way. He always used to say "You expect people to treat you how you treat them" and said it as if it were a bad thing to expect to be cared for, loved and treated with respect by your partner. I now practice indifference and am focused on my own childhood trauma. I cry when I need to and feel every emotion. I embrace my good days and I crawl in bed on the bad ones. Each day it gets better. Blessings to anyone reading this. You are enough and you will leave when you are good and tired. Take the lesson from it and become the best version of YOU!

[@poofurgone78]

It sounds like you are describing the long marriage I'm finally able to end. I feel devastated but living like this is just hell on earth.

[@staceystrukel1917]

I used to say the same thing! That’s crazy how they make us all feel so similar.

[@ElizabethPascal-zp8io]

This was my life as a child, through adulthood, I am the oldest between me and my brother. She blamed me for everything that went wrong in her life, I knew from a child that something was wrong, when I asked Grandma, she said baby that 's just your Mother, but I love you. I miss my Grandma so much!❤😢

[@PhyllisLandry-yz7ud]

My mom is my narcissist abuser. I began trying to heal childhood trauma about 6 Mts. Ago and setting up boundaries was my first step and I explained to her what I needed (this was before I knew the truth. I thought I was just too codependent on her) then I see the truth. She has been horrific she has no contact now and turned my family and my kids against me. She has money and I don’t. This seems impossible to do. I’m so heartbroken now that I see the truth. Any suggestions?

[@heiker1351]

​​@@PhyllisLandry-yz7udI feel your pain. Similar situation, moved away half a year ago after a life of fighting against my narc family. I am alone where I live now, knowing nobody, broke down after a few months. Everything is hard when you are alone. Please stay strong, it will get better. Somehow. Do not give in. I did that, I was so brainwashed I could not see what they were doing, especially my brother. Now I know that he was the worst. Because I let him back into my life. He punished me for that, all the while pretending to be my loving brother and my brainwashed self believed that. Unbelievable. Evil, black magic. They are so dangerous. Years of therapy did not even see the problem - well, that's Germany. Psyche? What's that? I now have a narcissistic psychologist once again I have to get rid of immediately. Took only two appointments to realize that. Same behaviour as my mother. Talking abput me instead of to me, ignoring everything I say, diminishing not only me but her subordinates, too. Of course she is the boss. I am so fed up. The alternative is having no psychologist. Wonderful. It is hard, but you can't give up. Despite of everything I am healing, very slowly recovering, and somehow I will sort through the mess I am left with. Money is a problem, of course. If they get in any way involved they will immediately start to make it so much worse. But we survived them. We can survive on our own, without their constant destruction. Feel hugged. You can do that. Healing is only possible without them.

[@dianadiehl]

This sounds like a really valuable course and an eye-opening perspective. This model helps explain why so many people who escape narcissistically abusive relationships keep asking the question, am I the narcissist? Realizing how reactive my behavior had become as a result of merging with this other person is one of the most humbling experiences I've had. The metaphor of rebirth is completely appropriate. After coming to terms with the fact that I had been in 68 years of narcissistic relationships of various flavors from birth to old age, it was quite the eye opener to realize everything I had learned subconsciously about relating to other people was dysfunctional and unhealthy in the extreme. The individuation process can mean reinventing yourself around the scraps of core identity that you manage to heal. If you are a serial participant, the matrix pod and combined fantasy can include all of those previous abusers. It's a lot to heal from. I have likened myself to a double amputee. The emotional and psychological wounds have done deep damage and disabled me in some respects. Becoming healthy involves finding workarounds, and coping prosthetics that allow me to be functional again. But neuroplasticity has its limits. I have no delusions about growing my arms back.

[@katiewarren443]

Beautifully put friend 🙏

[@dianadiehl]

@Dawn Kikong I don't think in those terms. I don't pre-categorize people. I am more interested in empathy, kindness, tolerance, consideration, respectfulness, healthy boundaries, and similar qualities. Neurodivergence or past history of trauma are somewhat separate. On the other hand, I am acutely aware that people who have never had abuse or trauma in their life to any significant degree are less likely to understand the severity with which it impacts our lives. When that is significant is when they don't seem to demonstrate empathy or understanding. So one may affect the other, but I don't put them on a checklist.

[@1Wendy_Woo]

@Dawn Kikong ~ Very interesting and valid questions. Personally I have been celibate for the past (almost) 7 years. While married. He just stopped. Had ed issues and figured I would be fine without sex ever again. (?) Who knows?! However, I did find a couple dic pics on his phone. He never had an answer as to why. So, I guesstimate he was seeking elsewhere. Certainly had nothing to do with me anymore. I laughed just this morning. I actually had a sexdream last night. It was very real. I was excited for about as long as the guy lasted. (seconds) 🤣 Thought to myself: WHY?! WHY would I ever want another man? Clean and cook for him, then have absolutely unfulfilled sex with him. That's a big HELL NO! I am NOT interested in teaching anyone Anything, or enduring mood swings, drama, and disappointment, or deception, ever again. I am already enough to handle. 😉 At 57 it looks like celibacy it is. Not interested in the viagra type either. 😅

[@seriouscat2231]

Having studied these things for a decade now I see this model is a quite good summary, though the individual parts were not new to me. The real challenge is to know what mental health and sanity is made of. And I don't think any of these KZbin coaches and therapists get it right, so they usually have two wrong answers. One is some kind of mythical "true self" that will appear once the narcissist is gone. Another is some kind of mythical "community" that will make you into your true self.

[@dianadiehl]

@@seriouscat2231 True self seems to be some kind of myth like Plato's concept of the ideal circle or sphere. The idea that somewhere out in the ether there is this core person that you can aspire to return to ignores reality. It completely ignores the fact that we are a product of genetics and environment, nature and nurture. They also ignore that there are crucial formative periods in our childhood where basic patterns are laid down in our brains. Neuroplasticity can only go so far in rewriting bad programming.

[@soblue315]

I feel so weak dealing with this. I feel so dumb for falling for it.

[@elenalatici9568]

👍

[@LetFreedomRing506]

Thank you so much, Richard!!! The Mother portion of this process is something that not other people explain As clearly as you did. I am two months post narc Break up. I am getting stronger and educating myself that it wasn’t me. For others who Struggle, please listen to Richard. Also, read this message every day. It truly does make sense! “You attract damaged people because your Energy is authentically rare, but very healing. People end up coming back because they want more access to it. That’s why you must value your time and your Energy immensely. Stopping the jumper cables to people who have the energy of a dead car battery…. they will literally drain you. Choose YOU and happiness”.

[@LetFreedomRing506]

Meant to say….”stop being the jumper cables….”

[@wheremypd]

Rich has saved my life through this ONE video! I’ve been seeking help for months and felt absolutely hopeless that I would ever recover from this. Even if I discovered this video in the throws of narcissistic abuse I would’ve turned a blind eye, that’s truly how powerful the colonization is 😕. But with the help of family and friends, I was able to take a giant leap and get out of there.

[@karenpeatey6226]

Please let me know how they broke through - my father won’t leave I’m at end of my wits

[@caraelsenoldenburg8848]

Dynamic of childhood trauma (both desperately wanting to be seen, be loved in a safe way). This made so much sense. Thank you for your clear guidance.

[@jadeshenellexox]

I felt like a bystander in my own life, powerless in making my own decisions. I craved structure yet was bound to the comfort of his chaos.

[@marianemenman3851]

Perfectly articulated

[@danielhamilton5094]

Very Helpful, thank you. Just got discarded by my fiancé and she monkey branched to her "male best friend." I went from being the best thing that ever happened to her to not wanting to see or talk to me. So disorienting but getting better every day!! Of course she denies it all and I'm the crazy one.

[@truthreigns369]

You do explain this so well! I have been with this person for 42 years. He was gone for 3 months helping his parents move. By myself for the first time to see that it was not me😆so many signs over the past 2 years. Struggling to leave him after this long of a relationship. I am the “bad guy” of course. I started taking care of myself and woke up to this crazy dysfunctional marriage🤷🏻‍♀️time to move on and be free!

[@2know4sure]

Wow. I feel that the hundreds of hours I have invested in studying and understanding narcissism were all preparation for me to receive this information. It all makes sense to me now, but if it had been the first video I had watched on the subject, I don't think I would have accepted or understood it. It appeared at just the right moment. Thank you so much for these invaluable insights. They won't have been wasted or lost on me. Somehow I know that they will bear fruit. Thank you...

[@TLA123y6f]

I just got out of a relationship with a person that had several narcissistic traits. I watched this video and am left confused and clueless. You all seem to have a good grasp of this. Is there a book that someone could recommend? Or something?

[@2know4sure]

@@TLA123y6f hi. I'm glad that you are free of your previous toxic relationship and on your way to healing. I spent around 8 months watching videos on the subject, as well as related subjects such as co-dependency, attachment styles , and personality types and traits. You'll find the creators that you resonate with & like best. I'm moving on from these studies now. I may have even spent too much time on it, but I do feel that I have a "complete" understanding of the important aspects of the disorder. DON'T let yourself stay engrossed in this "forever" use the study to educate yourself and to heal, and then move on from it. I wish you the very best! (PS: when possible I played the videos at 1.25 or 1.5 speed. It REALLY saves you a lot of time!)

[@fins215]

I agree with all of this!! Ugh! 😖 I’m in a state of constant confusion between hating him and wanting revenge and then empathizing with him and hope nothing bad happens to him… He really messed me up, but I know now how deep this toxicity runs in myself. I’ve grown up with a highly covert Narcissistic mother who made me an anxious codependent yearning for love and closeness. He brought out all the wounds from my childhood while cutting even deeper wounds into me, to then leave me used and broken. I really wish that I could allow myself to hate him for all the hurt he knowingly caused

[@jenynz5334]

I can fully relate, but at this point, the hate is uncovered. But I am unfortunately stuck in the same place, so wish me luck!

[@aniqabano1582]

Forgive him for the sake of God and move on. Tge uktimate healer will heal your soul and that's the reward you need. All the best wishes for you

[@HereticDBD]

I do this exact cycle every day. The whole range, this is torture. I pray you are doing well. 😢

[@fins215]

Just rewatched the video three months after writing that comment. I’m doing better. Thinking of him less and less, but there’s def days where the matrix is still very strong! I’m happy that I went NC and blocked him back then. That has been the rule I promised myself not to break. The dual Mothership and especially the part about worrying about him like a mother would, is spot on and the thing thats still difficult to let go of. Give yourselves time to heal and know that you’re strong and resilient! ❤ These “relationships” are so far from normal.

[@jenynz5334]

@@fins215 So glad you're doing better ☺️

[@jolesliewhitten6545]

I was married to two narcissists (for a total of 39 years). You have perfectly explained how I was crushed with guilt after escaping. I stayed alone 9 years and healed before meeting a good, normal male. Thanks.

[@katyflame3668]

Best wishes!!

[@priscillahelson700]

2 narcs 35 yrs

[@tinatohidi1853]

DUDE WHY ARE YOU THE ONLY ONE WHO UNDERSTANDS THIS ON THE INTERNET!!!!

[@hana-gc4fl]

Thinking the same thing

[@hana-gc4fl]

How am I ever gonna understand this😢

[@tinatohidi1853]

❤

[@andyanderson6522]

He borrowed it from Sam vaknin

[@denisdenno8243]

He Does it perfectly. Walked away from a narc marriage. 2 weeks now. Getting therapy from KZbin. Much help here From kenya

[@gailphillips9041]

This really sucks. You are so correct about feeling sorry for the individual , and feeling as though i am abandoning him. I am so tired mentally, physically , and emotionally . Thank you so much for helping me to understand what is happening with me. Sending you lots of love and light .🙏🏽❤

[@sakuraayurveda5559]

This is amazing. Thank you. I'm 5 months into the throws of the most cruel discard, filled with chronic dehumanisation, gaslighting, silent treatment and blame-shifting. (Suspected communal narcissist) I've never experienced so much pain or isolation in my life and my insomnia (new development) has slowly trickled into severe stress, anxiety, depression and PTSD according to my therapist Having lost my job to Covid, I went back to grad school and so am currently completely financially dependent on my partner... and so feeling entrapped and utterly paralysed. It's horrendous. I've watched hundreds of videos over the last year (incredible ressource) but this one really really gives a clear explanation and path for healing. Currently about halfway through the Tamie M course but will join you when this first phase of healing is completed. Thank you!

[@dantesbegins]

I went through something very similar this year Sakura. I wish you all the best in your healing.

[@sportsman4545]

Yes, night time can be the worse because you've been busy all day. Your head hits the pillow and wham, you're trying to solve it and make sense of it all. For me, I started to write a novel in my mind instead of remuneration. Just kept rewriting the first chapter in my mind until I got it perfectly right. Had nothing to do with my trauma, it was a love story novel. It worked great for me. I was uncontrollably crying 3 hours a night for 12 months before I came across this piece of advice.

[@sakuraayurveda5559]

Thanks @@dantesbegins. What got you through it? Any tips?

[@sakuraayurveda5559]

Wow @@sportsman4545, that's amazing. Thanks so much for the tip. I find writing both soothing and overwhelming. I keep writing the story in my head and long to get it down on paper... but then go through days/weeks of avoiding my journal. Thanks so much again for the tip!!! Good luck with your journey

[@spamela357]

I understand what you mean by dehumanization. I was dehumanized and everyone cheered on my evil, vile, dispicable ex-husband and the cruelty he inflicted on me. I have withdrawn from society because it is very cruel. I do not think I can ever recover. The cruelty, the intensity of his attacks, and everyone just cheered him on. Right now I am only alive because my pets are with me, and we take care of each other.

[@gobrad]

I’m subject to 7 years of mental torture I cannot get away!!! I cannot leave my home without being accountable!! I’m lost for words to express this!! 🙈

[@Pamela-mb6bj]

Brutal, but finally explains indepth what is going on in a narcissistic relationship. Thank you for this information and all of you and Sam's insight into this mental prison of a narcissistic relationship

[@Rommi4x4]

This is the best, scariest and most revealing video about narcissism I've ever seen so far. After 19 years of living in the bad dream I have hope now, thank you Richard.

[@coreetta]

I went through this with my own mother! I was young and had no idea this wasnt normal. This is top class teaching! You can definitely relate to this spiritually . These people are "unconscious witches " . Spiritual sap that ingrains itself into your pysche. Takes a higher power to break off! " we wrestle not with flesh and blood, For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world. Ephesians 6: 12. These people operate in " ranks ". If we could see that, we could take them down more easily . This is why they attack our identity first by " gaslighting ". Richard, you are a gem. Absolutely groundbreaking teaching. You have a great gift. Thankyou.

[@deirdremorris9234]

Hard to do if your loved one is trapped with one of these people.

[@ChosenOne1967]

Matthew 10:34-39 NKJV Do not think that I came to bring peace on earth. I did not come to bring peace but a sword. For I have come to ‘set a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law’; and ‘a man’s enemies will be those of his own household.’ He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me. He who finds his life will lose it, and he who loses his life for My sake will find it.

[@ezrc9294]

the instability aligns with the struggle between believing what you believe or believing the false reality.

[@charityrose5598]

As of today, I'm 97 days NC. I moved across the country. I signed petition for divorce paperwork as I was leaving town. My family keeps telling me how brave I was. After 26 years, I didn't feel brave at all. I felt like an idiot, a coward, a total narc, scared, hurt, a waste, done, used, a liar, lied to, etc. It was and has been a good/bad emotional mess. Some days I swear I can hear his every thought. I'm working my butt off (50 plus hours a week at a job I stand and move non-stop for 9 hours a day) to stay aloft, barely. I'm exhausted beyond what I could have imagined. I'm drained emotional, mentally, financially, and physically. I'm so angry. I was angry before, now it's worse. Which, I honestly didn't think was possible. I'm so angry, all I do is cry and want to curl up in a ball and just take bread crumbs. And my family says, "I'm so brave". If they only knew.

[@octavia9464]

I believe if you keep on the road you are now on, it will pay off!!! A lot, lot more than where you were before!!! You are on your way out of a nightmare!!!!

[@mellyjelly3097]

This is exactly how I feel right now, like an embarrassed idiot. We've been married for 17 years. I am filing in June. I will say you're brave, you are where I am fighting to get to and if I actually make it there with an ounce of sanity, it will be a victory!!

[@bridgetsieger2261]

So you can leave even if they don’t sign the divorce papers? I’m stuck here. Your story is awesome. Congratulations

[@Mareb5818]

i was married for 35 yrs yall .. and if anyone knew my story of what this liar had done to me and our 3 dims and full family in both sides - it’s a nightmare - but new string lawyer is finally in process to hold him accountable- now hopefully… the new judge appointed will see what a true narcissist & liar and cunning liar . Accountability is catching up with him - finally .

[@es7898]

That is still brave. Doesn’t mean it’s easy or not hard.

[@SuperPrDude]

My relationship with this narcissistic women just ended today and her last words before leaving with another guy(of course) were,."I had you on a pedestal"... Great video!

[@greylizard1040]

This is fascinating and makes so much sense. I'd like to think I'm over them, but like you said, I'm still here, watching these videos. Though not as much. I have been breaking away from the narcissistic information feed because I realize it brings them up more in my mind and I need to put other stuff in my mind and get back to life. I have an entire person to work on and rebuild. Gotta stop dragging around a smelly, rotten old corpse in my mind. This is really good. Thank you Richard.

[@gemmapiscotti1190]

Just…unbelievably…wow. I cannot believe this has actually happened to me. This is an incredible explanation and helps in many ways. Thank you.

[@divinehearts39]

You are very right this is the next layer, a deeper core to healing. It’s been two years and when I leave my house , new house ,new car when I leave to go out I feel like I’m going to get in trouble I feel like he’s going to show up and tell me where are you going?😂 and I tell my mind dude relax. It’s this feeling of being supervised. “You are a free human being belong to no one, but to God and to yourself. This is how I reframe my mind.”

[@shelleymongelli8840]

Supervised...good word for it.

[@bigol7169]

Love you Richard. I’ve followed you for years, your content is a godsend. I remember you doubting your future with the channel, but I just wanna say that you sticking it out is saving lives and waking people up. We need to heal, and you’re here for us ❤

[@RICHARDGRANNON]

Thank you for your kind words and for watching 😎

[@deborahguest1184]

Please help me stop checking on him ie peeking he's blocked but I can't stop am obsessed even his ex wife said he's a serial cheat liar etc

[@bigol7169]

@@deborahguest1184 what helps me: Before stalking your ex, take a deep, slow breath, and simply ask yourself ‘is this going to make me feel better or worse?’ Suddenly you’ll feel no incentive to search anymore

[@annastyles6217]

@@RICHARDGRANNON How to GO AWAY FOREVER from my BIO SATANIC NEPOTISTIC GLOBALISTIC CAPITALISTIC FAMILY WHO ARE THE SECRET NARSISTIC PSYCHOPATIC RULLING ELITES from my COUNTRY????Please help me😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭All COUNTRY HATE ME....

[@deehyatt5173]

@@deborahguest1184 - this is so me !! As the wonderful lady responded to you .. stop and think before.. My therapist said please write down what you think you’ll find .. It’s so so so hard.. I have found EIGHT WOMEN .. in least then two years. It’s sickening. I’m not even out of this shitshow yet.. it’s four years over due 😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢 I have to call a friend or come watch a video so I don’t check anymore ❤

[@phed0r]

You’ve just saved my life, dear Mr. Wizard! I can’t be thankful enough

[@kennethsilvestri5874]

It's so hard to root this out and differentiate yourself from them when it occurs on such a deep subconscious level. In my experience, you have to learn to validate yourself internally and adopt the position that your own actions and values define who you are. You are your own unique person and are both good and bad independent of them in or out of that relationship. Gaslighting is such a powerful tool they use to undermine all of it and play on your lack of internal validation and paint you as that "incapable mother who failed them."

[@TaintedLoveofaNarc]

Again nail on the head. It's all because of childhood trauma that we have to pay for.

[@kennethsilvestri5874]

@@TaintedLoveofaNarc Oh yes, their own childhood trauma as well as our own. You tolerate and rationalize their abuse because it seems familiar, normal, and safe to you from childhood. Understanding the source of it all can help with healing and becoming that better version of yourself.

[@Scott20354]

Dual Mothership points make sense. Intensified guilt when it’s the child abandoning the mother. Tying this in with Dr. Adam’s work on MEM (mother enmeshed men). Finally, and I mean finally, NPD, BPD, and HPD women aren’t as attractive to me as they used to be. Getting better ODAT. Thanks Richard. You and Sam have been a key part to me emerging as my authentic healthy adult self. I can now take care of my inner children. The can finally be children, not pretend adults, and I can be their responsible, safe, and protective parent. Finally integrating.

[@aussiebushhomestead3223]

I'm at the start of my journey of breaking away from a narc after 34 years. I feel so stupid for not seeing it sooner, but I'm grateful for people like you, who are helping people like me get free from this abuse. Everything you said makes perfect sense. I often said how being with him was like having an extra child, and in my coming to terms with it all, I have already experienced the feelings of abandoning him as a child. Thank you so much for making this information available. God bless you.

[@CheryleZissulis]

I am also at the beginning of this journey . We can learn to heal together

[@daniel_belongs_to_christ]

I spent 17 years with my wife and it took the Lord Himself to deliver me. Yet He has been healing me so quickly its been a miracle. I pray you heal and grow from this. You deserve freedom and happiness. The fact that you are done with the toxic cycle is a huge blessing. God bless you.

[@theUmovement]

I hope you’ve found happiness and peace. ❤

[@jenynz5334]

I'm now starting myself. I can't go NC, as much as I desperately want to.

[@daniel_belongs_to_christ]

@@jenynz5334 what part of you wants to and what part doesn’t

[@nji7772]

Thank you so much for this. I often felt like I AM NOT YOUR MOTHER. It all makes so much sense now. I also often felt like this guy needs to LEAVE the clutches of his "mother". Then I felt bad for thinking that. I did not ever say to him why can you NOT leave your "mother"? So sick. The emotional abuse was unbearable. I was so exhausted and if not at work, I was at home and slept as much as I could for an entire month.

[@MariaBeatriz-hv4fn]

I was nearly destroyed. Broke my heart and my soul and I was left bare to die…thank God I was able to pick myself up and slowly I am coming back home to me

[@e.m.4866]

Yes! In my experience, entering the narcissistic "reality" tunnel entrains one to argue with and reject reality. You are entrained to embody a false reality and must grow out of it to recover. Excruciating.

[@rolandgervais154]

Near the end, when she realized she could no longer control me she said to me, "We are not in the same reality, we are not on the same page!" I knew nothing about "N"s until about a year after I left my 20 year relationship.

[@e.m.4866]

@@rolandgervais154 Yes; and we know what happens when we stop reading our lines from the desired page: banished from the set (or we "simply" flee).

[@kennethsilvestri5874]

Spot on, they construct an abusive reality that makes you reliant on them for validation where you do anything they want to get the nice person and the affection back as well as the peace and calm. You have construct your own reality, inner peace, validation and calm to heal from the narcissistic. Accept it, learn from it, and even be grateful for how it shaped you into a better person and more in tune with yourself.

[@hebaalghalayini902]

This might be the most important piece of information for my life now. May God cut through all the illusions for us all and gives us clear insights to heal and Thriveand the strength and capacity to endure all of that.

[@phesaris8378]

This makes me cry all over again. This makes so much sense. I accept this as it makes sense. i will not deny need to heal

[@notyourblonde]

Took me about 5 years to get THROUGH the last narc relationship, with a lot of Spartan videos and now Richard Grannon.....plus many others, self study and reflection. THANK YOU Richard I finally can breathe and enjoy life, now at age 62. Blessings dear heart and everyone whom is on their path to truth and freedom. 💞 Individuate, YES, that describes the metamorphosis completely.

[@juanitahardy8583]

Raised by a truly narcissistic mother who I divorced on the advice of a psychologist. Sadly I seem to attract narcissist into my life as an empath like my dad. Getting better at recognizing them now and taking my energy back. Thankyou for this video.

[@sharonrosesullivan1192]

Me too. I’m learning early boundaries are key in weeding them out!

[@ranDom73100]

Both my parents are Narcissists & I have CPtsd also homeless. They only get worse with age

[@marinicolson5950]

All of this makes so much sense. Add to the anguish of abandoning him, that he had cancer and I had to abandon him to save myself. During the discard of me, his wrath was all about his mother, not me. All the name calling and abuse was describing her. I was used as the scapegoat to his ultimate estrangement from her. It’s surreal how all this is coming together now, after years since breaking up with him. This is so interesting to learn. Thank you

[@daniellestaley9432]

Wondering was it colon cancer? The ex narc I dated had the same - twice in fact. The first time after his ex-wife asked for a divorce; he was given a clean bill of health two years later the month of our first year anniversary. He was diagnosed with stage three two months later after I broke up with him. Coincidence ? I think not.

[@slickchick1975]

Richard, Barely three minutes in and you already HELPED my heart. Very recently I was utterly crushed by fem covert narc. Your video brought both clarity and COMFORT. The "Dual Mothership Model" was SPOT ON! Although I didn't think this could happen in a fem to fem friendship and never saw it coming. This experience was FAR more painful than any romantic partner "break up." The depth and variety of perplexing emotions and sense of emptiness is incomprehensible. Now the healing journey begins. Thank you! Blessings and light to ALL who have been harmed by this type of toxic dynamic. 🙏💙🙏💙

[@sunray8136]

It can happen with any type of relationship. I have a sister in recent months I've had to fully accept that she's that narcissistic person. I was always her target. But as I finally stood up to her now she targeted our oldest sister. And knocked her off the mother pedestal really hard. Now my older sister can finally understand what I've been telling her all these years

[@deirdremorris9234]

​@@sunray8136 Same here! I kept accepting my sisters garbage because of religious teachings. I do forgive her and only want good for her, but she cannot be in my life. Totally blocked. And the weird part was once I went no contact, I started feeling powerful and wondered what else I needed to deal with. ❤

[@planzed.2]

As someone who is still punished by his narc after leaving her (& that journey took me into homelessness, I lost everything, my eyes weren’t open) I saw this & it made so much sense to me. I have struggled getting a male doctor even though I was diagnosed in therapy as having been in a 14yr relationship with my narc, I also learnt I have “complex PTSD” from childhood trauma & trauma within the relationship - she would rage & use violence even when I was asleep. I knew nothing about this before therapy & feel like I was diagnosed but now have to figure things out for myself, which is fine but reality feels really distorted. We need more men like you out here. Thank you Richard for what you’re doing, hope you’re well & happy Christmas!

[@steceymorgan814]

Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.

[@Sheboss333]

HOLY SHIT!!! I have been seeing 2 different counselors 2x a week with the thought that I need at least 5x a week because this trauma from a NPD husband has REALLY screwed me up (mentally, emotionally & physically). Having said this, I follow up counseling with 3 different perspectives of individuals expert on this subject (several times a day) to REALLY wrap my brain around what I have endured! Mr. Grannon, YOU are the 1st person I have listened to on the subject that HAS given me the aahh ha moment I have been looking for! Everything you have said here in this video makes PERFECT sense to me and I feel as if I may start some REAL healing now! Damn, I wish I had found your channel much sooner! I AM SUBSCRIBED NOW! I can't thank you enough! Sincerely, S.

[@bizhelpguru]

I was laughing out loud and having flashbacks as you were talking. They always viewed self care and agency as abandonment. And I still worried about their decision making after they were gone. Excellent video.

[@mattinthehat22]

9:20 is spot on. Mine was utterly incapable of acknowledging the reality of her behavior - insisting it didn’t happen at all AND that my perceptions were inaccurate. Compared to many others I am lucky that this only lasted a few months, tho what sparked the beginning of my recovery was the darkest day of my life. 16:00 This is critical: We must betray our best characteristics (loyalty, commitment, etc), betraying our OWN nature in order to separate from them. THAT is tough. Remember, they don’t deserve our goodness.

[@beautifulspirit2973]

This is the best explanation I've ever heard Richard. I did idealize him. He was perfect in my eyes. My best friend, lover, soulmate but as time as passed I've realised I was being constantly manipulated and used by this dysfunctional individual. I'd say to anyone forget what words they say whilst hoovering you listen to their actions. In his case cheating, lying and disappearing after future faking. The discard part is devastating as their words don't match their actions and yes, it is all a game to them where they see it as winners and losers. He often said i was the love of his life whilst sleeping with other women. Dual mothership is a great analogy. They 100% reject reality. Even when I said it was over he acted like we were still together. And yes, very infantile behaviour. Best thing to do with a narcissist is RUN

[@johannakunze3300]

Thank you for translating Sam. I'd like to add that by using us as a scapegoat, they are peojecting their repressed shame onto us and try to get rid of it that way. I really shudder to think what my narc will do when he looses the court case against me. Most likely he will have to decompensate.

[@imawildman]

This is TRUE! She absolutely projected her shame onto me to get rid of it.

[@LauraRONeill]

I’m a licensed therapist and I have never heard anyone explain this dynamic like you just did in less than 30 minutes. The intrapsychic factors you reveal happening within the person with a narcissistic personality AND their target…deeply resonate with my clients experience and also someone who married into my own family. Thank you for your important work! Please keep the videos coming!

[@melissabrzescinski494]

I agree. Another one I’ve found a lot of value in is narcdaily. Very informative.

[@FredWillKillYouAll]

Why don't you listen to Sam Vaknin and learn the actual science behind all of this instead of listening to this chucklehead?

[@tonyaalbarado8652]

OH. MY. GOD!!! This ALL. ABSOLUTELY ALL Makes BEYOND PERFECT SENSE! In my healing journey I’ve been able to connect dots but now this is the final dot. THANK YOU. THANK YOU. THANK YOU!!!! 100’s of hours of research and therapy for myself and letting The Lord work in me…THIS! THANK YOU BEYOND ALL WORDS. I’ve got final closure.

[@elisabethkorn17]

You have presented this beautifully, elegantly, and with great liveliness in your transmission. Thanks, Richard!

[@hiraghafoor9151]

I didn’t ever love him as a romantic partner. I always saw him as a broken child. I only had pity and empathy for him. I felt like it was my job to help alleviate the pain and suffering of others in my life. I felt like I had become a mother to an abused child and it was my duty to help heal him.

[@R73949]

I actually never saw anyone as my enemy but they hurt and tortured me so much, and once I see anyone as my enemy it will be hell for them in future... That's not your Job, You can't help him, let him go

[@judyjones6304]

Good talk . Good explanation. Too many sick people after for selves who were neglected by mommy.

[@vickihughes9476]

You’re understanding and insight into these relationships is so impressive. I have never heard it explained this way but you are freaking correct! Thank you.

[@pamaylward]

Spot on Richard! Bravo! The Mother Wound... My ex desperately tried to be my mother (cooking and trying to make me feel jealous/insecure) but I recognized it early on and stayed as true to myself as possible. The abandonment anxiety is such a powerful tool that you succumb to the laziest hoover to soothe that anxiety and addiction. The shared fantasy is absolutely a hook that you need to overcome, otherwise the rumination and cognitive dissonance will make moving on extremely challenging or impossible.

[@afairshare]

Thank you for this, it really opened my eyes to a part that I've been saying a lot lately - that in the end, you can't tell who the narcissist is anymore because of the behaviors and responses learned from this abuse. I have been incredibly down on myself, telling myself I should just accept that I am totally to blame and that I truly am the narcissist after all of these years... mainly because of who I've turned into in the end of it. Things I never would have once done are now shrouded over me as if I am those things that I've learned in retaliation. Knowing that I don't have to be stuck like this forever, and that I see my own faults and narcissism in the end, gives me hope that I am on the right path regardless of "who is the narcissist" at this point. I hate what I've become, because it's nothing like I've ever been and to easily see how (and constantly admit to myself) I've turned into the people/traits I despised and fought so hard against... devastates me. I haven't been able to stop crying over it, but thank you for giving me some sliver of hope.

[@daniellestaley9432]

I feel you on this. I’ve been no contact with the ex narc for almost two years now. My healing trajectory was pretty good until a month a 1/2 ago when his daughter reached out to me under the guise of wanting to reconnect. Total trigger and threw me back into trauma mode as if things just happened yesterday and it’s been pretty awful. I had to really sit with myself and consider the behaviors that were coming up for me; I.e., being overly suspect of people’s actions vs. words, cutting people out of my life, taking on a victim role in many instances… I started to tell myself I was a narcissist. Looking back at my relationship w the narc, I believe on some level, this is true - I can honestly say I saw what was happening and went tit for tat - I took on his behaviors as my own looking to beat him at his own game (By the way, I discarded him as soon as the second devalue hit…) But then I re-assessed myself ... I don’t manipulate people for my own purposes, I am actually highly empathic , I can accept criticism and be introspective, and I most certainly take ownership when I have done someone wrong. The narc can do none of these things. So don’t be hard on yourself - the healing process after being involved is highly complex and difficult. If it wasn’t, you wouldn’t have some expert up here drawing a diagram of how the whole things works… I mean really insane right? And that is how they survive, so be glad you are out and know you are capable of more on your own than you could have ever been with narco.

[@ThePossumone]

Same - you can be healed and forgiven and released from that too Forgive yourself Ask God for forgiveness Be free of guilt and shame

[@heatherlomaxmusic4776]

You honestly threw a proverbial life ring my way with these videos in too many narc relationships 🙄 (Grew up with a narc adopted dad, and codependent mother). I also took your courses online. Can’t thank you enough🙏🏽 I’m sure you have no idea how many souls you’ve “saved”

[@AlessandraDurand]

Have been no contact for the last 3 months, yesterday i have been diagnosed by a clinical psychologist with complex trauma! Hallelujah! Will look at the course ...alongside the therapy with the spychologist.

[@siberiangirl1941]

I have listened to Richard’s vids since 2017ish. It was like finding Jesus-honestly. I read history, classics, philosophy- everything-searching for answers in why some people were the way they are. And more importantly why I seemed to be a magnet for abusive people. I was surrounded by narcissists; my parents, sisters, clients (I’m a hairdresser) and mostly my husband & his family. Once I understood the key aspects of narcissistic behavior I began my journey towards healing. I have been “divorced” from almost all my toxic relationships for over 3 years but I look at my recovery like a 12 step program. I will never be wholly free of my co-dependent tendency. I read short articles on Quora & still listen most of Richard’s posts. I could write the articles now but I feel like a daily dose of reminders are well worth my time.

[@te9989]

Same. Swept them from my life. Do you still have some friendships? I feel totally changed and different to most people 🤔

[@siberiangirl1941]

@@te9989 I do. In fact I feel like I did back in high school (‘85-a different world) when I had lots of friends and things were much simpler. I think being a hairdresser in a small city gave me a huge advantage in my social scope. I was and always will be fascinated by human nature. I have met so many interesting people over a very long career that I don’t think I could have had in any other professions. I joke that sex workers are the only other people that have the intimacy that hairdresser have with their clients but it’s obviously not the same. I quit everything & disappeared for a year (My Walden Pond) it was incredibly difficult. But now, a year after my exile, I am rebuilding and re-becoming the person I used to really like😊

[@TheNumbnail]

Still healing 32 years ,I left , at the end I was punched in the face a few times , I can't believe someone can be so mean , very painful to take 😭

[@tripzville7569]

9:02 REJECTION OF REALITY . This says it all perfectly.