Crucial First Step In Healing Narcissistic Abuse

[@KatErina-ii6ru]

Please remember if you were involved with a narc or a sociopath or a psychopath in the first stages of your relationship it’s not your fault you fell for their charm, their lies, their manipulation. You didn’t even know these things were happening. So you learned your lessons, you’ve come to terms with the person you thought you cared for was a fake. So please FORGIVE yourself, and later forgive the narc so you can be free and not concerned with them anymore ❤

[@nicoletalmadge7276]

Great words!!

[@heidijo5328]

YES!!! I'm totally afraid the introject is me and I'm turning into the narc😭 Thank you for this verbalization of my thoughts and feelings! I feel like Im not losing my mind now and the confusion is validated.

[@pinkyndebrain4578]

I’m good with everything you said EXCEPT forgiving the narc - No One gets my forgiveness until they ask for it. I care too little for my future ex husband to care whether I forgive or not, whether he asks for it or not. If he does ask forgiveness, that’s just a hoovering move.

[@courtneyjackson7138]

Radicall acceptance as well as healing your inner child.

[@mightymouse1005]

Narcissist treat us all to a very valuable education. An expensive one. Learn your lessons, build your boundaries and learn to enjoy your own company. Make friends and get hobbies. Your enough alone, take yourself out on dates, get a pet to love, volunteer somewhere, animal shelter is always needed.

[@leslierobertson4734]

Love your comment. 61yo here taken on a lifetime narcissistic detour from myself, especially 26-year-ago relationship with man 14 years older than than I, with whom I had a son. Venomous. Letting go, learning about me. Loving my 2 cats. Coming into myself. Learning so much from Richard, my favorite "KZbinr" at this time.

[@tanyadepoalo4312]

I love what you said here, and especially bringing up the need for volunteers at the animals shelter. I was in two Narcissistic relationships, the first one was 11 years and once I finally got out of that one I volunteered at the local animal shelter and those sweet animals are also victims of abuse, neglect and abandonment. I wish I could save them all, I adopted two dogs from that shelter, my sweet Sam has long since passed but I still have my Yogi boy going on 15 years now. He has survived with me through two of these Narcissistic relationships, this last one only lasted 2.5 years I am recently out of that one and giving all my love to my furry babies and my self. Anyways, thanks for bringing up the animal shelters🙏🏽❤️🐾😊

[@palapalak.8907]

Thank you! I did. Got a kitten. I think about kitty everyday NOT him.

[@leandrawomack9029]

Well said!

[@elainesmith5313]

There is no where to go after a Narcissist Abusive relationship except to humility and self reflection. The sadness is overwhelming, the mind is foggy, questions you can't answer, nothing makes sense at all and no one believes your story anyway. Therapy does help tremendously, Journaling helps, admission of loving someone who could not love or cared to learn how. Years lost on someone who would never be what you hoped they could. I forgave myself first and then him and his family who Aldo participated. Moving forward towards who I am and who I want to be. Honesty with myself first. What people think don't matter, I know what I experienced. Being believed is not necessary. My Truth is what counts. Thanks Richard.. GREAT VIDEO!

[@Ali.nalovecat]

Yep, that's how you get tricked - at first you try to prove your loyalty and prove that you can be trusted and then slowly turn into a slave . Very easy way to avoid having a relationship with a narcissist - don't date someone out of pity. If you feel like you pity this person , you don't really respect this person, but you believe in your magical ability to turn them into what YOU want them to be - you are fooling yourself. Only date people who's personality you genuinely like. People who you like the way they are

[@mightymouse1005]

Just be disagreeable and test their reactions

[@analiviaminsk1171]

@@mightymouse1005 a small test can´t hurt. I need and I will grab santa´s beard to see if it´s real lol (crazy image lol)

[@jasonuren3479]

If you pity them you don't respect them. Brilliant observation.

[@alsacrime4806]

Your first sentence signals you are the co-dependent but everything after that shows that you are the narc.

[@mrbriankeith111]

Yep. If it starts with a sad story that's the first red flag. At least with the covert. If the affection seems disproportionate to the time-line slow it down. If they insist on constant communication and availability...back up. See how they react. If your gut or your body says something is not right. That is the truth.

[@danielhicks4040]

Don’t worry about your concern Richard. Your videos have saved my life. I take responsibility for being human, for losing, for not being healthy enough to recognize it. I lost everything, my career, friendships, family. I accept it and I understand why it happened now. You are a big part of that man. Thank you

[@justinmatisewski1285]

Daniel, you are not alone and I relate quite a bit with your statement here. Trying to pick myself up and be kind and humble to myself like Richard recommends.

[@timelesspugs]

I will forgive myself. It's a process. When I met him, I wanted to be loved. I wanted to be wanted. I thought he really loved me. I passed off the red flags as his faults. No one is without faults. I did not understand the dynamics of narcissism until recently. It makes no sense to kick myself in the ass for it. It's a lesson to be learned from and move forward while healing.

[@loba49]

Good for you. You sound so healthy and clear minded. Keep being good to yourself. You passed on a bit of strength and positivity onto me today, so thank you for that. 💪

[@SBecktacular]

Experiencing a narcissistic relationship is humbling- Because there’s no solution And the levels of confusion are extremely destabilizing. Ty RG ❤️

[@theoriginal7727]

Years worth of recovery and you’re never really whole again.

[@karolabilincsi6912]

I was in this kind of relationship for years. I was needy when I got into it and emotionally immature. Also received a programming from childhood that I was never enough. And that’s why, I feel, I had to go through this relationship. To break that trauma. For a narcissist, you will never be enough. I followed that wrong pattern. But this was the chance for me to wake up and break the cycle. To realise what was wrong with me. To step on the path of healing. I am thankful for that. I encourage all who suffered from narcissistic abuse to see the lesson in this situation. Life doesn’t punish us. It gives us lessons and challenges. Life doesn’t want to destroy us. Life wants us to realise that we are capable of living. You are forgiven, you are loved.

[@christelleny]

Self-awareness and accountabilty are keys. We can't blame the Narc for not having it, and not have it ourselves. Losing years to an illusion SUCKS. But it takes two to tango. Looking at what got us in it in the first place is the first step on the road to recovery. No mud, no lotus.

[@michelerooney5907]

The venom part is real. At one point I told him “I feel like my mind has been poisoned.”

[@robertataylor5794]

At the end, I felt like I had been bitten by a very bad spider, literally.

[@beyond981]

That's what they want, to poison you, not only bring you down but poison you with the very essence of themselves, which is evil cruelty.

[@danettedarling]

Yess!! I thought that too!!

[@shayleeneaglespeaker5156]

First step - be kind. “keep coming back to this.” Needed to be reminded of this.

[@gillianfrances]

My great crime, to me, was that I didn't leave. There were so many times that he did something terrible & I should have gone & I didn't! My therapist talks about humility & acceptance. Acceptance is very empowering. Thank you Richard.

[@theoriginal7727]

Wish that I could permanently! Have a shared daughter now. Been separated for 8 years, but multiple times a week it’s like the scars are torn back open, having to hear her voice on FaceTime. Acting like nothing happened, like the whole horror, show of the relationship and her entire life we’re not even real. No accountability will ever be had from them!

[@susanboyd3354]

Please research what a trauma bond is and how it affects a person physiologically. It will make sense of how we got stuck

[@christophermarcone5504]

That's the crazy thing . With humility , there becomes the genuine sovereignty. You see, because in that there is full accountability. It doesn't absolve the abuser , but it returns agency to you. This is great insight RG . ✌️

[@mightymouse1005]

Humility and forgiveness isn't for the weak. I takes a lot of strength

[@billieberry6756]

So we'll said. Thank you 🙏

[@MarySiney]

You are very kind Richard iam a 74 year old woman who has been a narcissistic relationship and your kindness has helped me so much thank you

[@googlespyfranchise9089]

Indeed! Had to be said. Narcissistic wounding creates narcissistic defences. In my own recovery I’ve had to go into those wounds and whilst I was feeling them I had to (temporarily) accept the voice of the narcissist- I had to feel the shame, sadness, & intense hurt that the words created in me. I had to feel it all, in order to release it and transform it. And to feel it fully I had to stop suppressing it. It was lodged on a really deep level because I was resisting and suppressing. My resistance (in the form of ‘but I didn’t deserve it’, ‘but I wasn’t the abuser’), even though logically & empirically correct! was actually keeping the wounding stuck within me, and was producing compensatory behaviours to prove to myself that I wasn’t what I had been painted to be. This is the crux of narcissistic wounding. Even if consciously you know it was their trauma and issues, by the time you’ve become embroiled then your subconscious has heard and received the devaluing messages, whether rationally you agreed with them or not. It may be mild compared to what they suffered as children, but it’s still in you. And if you’ve had a tendency to remain in these types of dynamics, then you probably have some wounding like this from your childhood as well (coupled with neglect) that has also lodged there. I suspect trauma bonding is at least in part the psyche is seeking absolution, acceptance, love from the very voice that declared your unworthiness. This may also be why trying to heal from a trauma bond with someone who has BPD & co-morbid narcissistic traits is arguably even harder than straight up NPD, because there can be some real affection and love from people like that, even though it’s all mingled up with toxicity, so it’s even harder to walk away because the absolution and love is there! It’s just waiting for you to take them in again. But obviously that’s a trap...all part of the manipulation and their inability to self soothe. The only way through is to give ourselves that witnessing and absolution, and to feel absolved we actually need to fully process the shame, hurt and anger. But thankfully if you’re open to it, it can be done in a therapeutic space, through a number of modalities (I don’t just do things cognitively, I have to work somatically as well). But all this to say Richard’s right, once it’s in you it’s 100% your responsibility. And if meaning is what we need, then learning and growing can be the meaning, and sometimes even just having experiences. I mean I wouldn’t go back into the toxic dynamics I have experienced, but I wouldn’t want them to have never happened either. There was an incredible amount of beauty, fun, connection, steaminess and even love (sometimes) in them. But there was also abuse and all the shitty stuff as well. I can be grateful for the good stuff whilst still knowing that I’d prefer and deserve to have more peaceful and healthy interactions in the future. They taught me a lot. I wouldn’t be who I am without them.

[@jjxd3n_]

I’m so torn up by this man, she had bpd and I had no clue what to expect from it. It was so toxic, there was gaslighting, manipulation, narcissism and I feel like my self esteem is so low rn. My mind is in spirals and I have no clue what to do. Everything is just foggy and unclear, I don’t have many people I can go to about this

[@tinatiotwoonedeka]

​@@jjxd3n_you have us, we face it all in the same way. Same hurt. And same healing process. You and I are not alone. Be strong and keep going❤❤

[@mechweld]

I totally agree a sin is always involved. Was a non beleiving Catholic, alcholic, sex loving, workaholic, truth bender until abused. Putting on all Gods armour saved me. 1 - Belt of Truth. The belt of truth signifies holding God's truth close to yourself at the core of your being. ... 2- Breastplate of Righteousness. ... 3 - Feet Fitted with the Gospel of Peace. ... 4 - Shield of Faith. ... 5 - Helmet of Salvation. ... 6 - Sword of the Spirit. ... 7 - Prayer. If you are rightous, truthful, have faith, beleive in salvation. You can then stand alone and not be affected by the npd's

[@sarahannelowe6557]

I still had to grieve tho, hard and painful , for the childhood and life I never had. It’s a long , long road. Still have flashbacks, and emotional flashbacks. Certainly the Holy Spirit gives you strength and is the comforter.

[@sillysop]

Thank you stranger on the internet :) going to do a big study on the armour of God today. 2 month No contact after 6 years of criminal and spiritual abuse and the ptds has hit me like another new tsunami this morning. Nothing has tested my faith like this before so I’m looking forward to coming forth as gold one day. One day (minute/second) at a time x

[@mightymouse1005]

​@@sarahannelowe6557same and I'm 60.....sorry you went through those dark times

[@mightymouse1005]

​@@sillysopAMEN, I have to give credit. The narcissist abuse pushed me to seek God more and more.....

[@tinatiotwoonedeka]

​@@sillysop❤❤❤beautiful. Really nice words in this trial moment

[@sharlesb7735]

I went into my marriage knowing something was wrong but he treated me like my mother did and it felt familiar. I wasn’t authentic. I only attract them, so I’ve got a lot of work to do but at least I spot them quickly these days.

[@ElanaVital83]

Trust the process! You're getting it bit by bit, and one day you'll turn around and they'll be as boring as popup ads. You'll click away without even thinking ❤

[@sharlesb7735]

@@ElanaVital83 thank you, I hope so, onwards and upwards.

[@mightymouse1005]

Exactly This narcissist would even use the same verbiage my mom did and they never met.....he used the same phrases and behaviors. I asked him once if he channel her, she died before he came along

[@sharlesb7735]

@@mightymouse1005 wow that’s freaky.

[@Positivecuriosity46]

After watching these videos I can spot them within a minute. Nice people attract them. Richard you have helped so many . Thank you.

[@violettat7613]

I think humbleness comes hand in hand with accountability (not guilt!). I have recently watched an interview of the Wolf of Wall street Jordan Belfort’s ex-wife Nadia (he is real narcissist, if not a psychopath), and what I really liked is that she didn’t blame it all on him but also said that she holds herself accountable for what happened in her life too, as you said “it has to be something wrong with me too, if I allowed this to happen in my life”. And it’s not victim blaming, it’s being accountable for your life as an adult.

[@bevscooby1]

It’s weird but I feel there is something in your age that triggers an awakening in your brain to the truth. I’ve just turned 50 and I can honestly say I don’t think I could’ve felt this way 10 years ago. I knew something was wrong but I wasn’t able to process what my instincts were telling me. Over the last 18 months I can honestly say I’ve been able to open my mind. It’s like a transfer window in footy, if I hadn’t done this in that specific time I would’ve never got it. Maybe my turning to god or a loss of some chemical in my brain when I went through menopause. Whatever it is I feel so lucky to have seen what I see and escaped from the depths of despair 😊 also thanks to you, Sam, Danish, Jessie and a few others who helped me along the way 🤩

[@RICHARDGRANNON]

I wonder if our hormonal profile doesn’t have a major impact on it? Not sure, but yes I’ve noticed the same.

[@bevscooby1]

@@RICHARDGRANNON I noticed that stopping having sex also played a big part in my eyes being opened. I do think I hid behind the quick fix and all that comes with it. I still would like a relationship and sex within it but I do have some hurdles to overcome before I do. Maybe when I’m 70ish haha Hope this makes sense. I did dance with a narcissist for a very long time until I realised I was in denial. I do believe humility is the answer and listening to what you said brings optimism and reassurance that we all are capable of coming through this kinda ok if we’re willing to accept we played a major part in this palaver 👍

[@isthisshit4real]

​@@bevscooby1 - The sex is a big one. It's SO addictive for me. So are relationships. I'm female, 55, decided I'm better person without a relationship. Don't know how to be in one. Heck, I've been anxious and depressed for so long, I have no clue how to make friends. I am supernerd the hermit woman. 😏👍

[@drlarrymitchell]

Turning fifty will drop your tits into your socks , but it also comes with a bit of wisdom.

[@jomoon9391]

​@isthisshit4real do you think it's autism too?

[@bethmathews2085]

Possibly Richard's most helpful video ever, for me anyway. Planning to share!

[@Eva-janeMiddleton-xu9lk]

I feel the same way. I am working on forgiving myself. Especially now that I've seen this video.

[@SarinaBlom]

Jesus walked the Earth. The Humblest Man who ever lived!!! I am a Follower of Jesus!!!! I am proud to be humble. God hates pride!!! Be humble like Jesus was. You are giving us the right advice!!! Thank you, Richard❤

[@JodiSamurai]

I just rolled off my second toxic relationship in a 2 year period. I accept my stupidity and try and laugh at myself, because if not I'm going to drive myself insane trying to rationalize things that will never make sense. I can accept that. I'm predictable when it comes to fitting a square relationship in a circle hole.. you can't jam it, when you need to jelly it.

[@mrleomich]

Funny, i tried a few dating experiences, and about 3 out of 6 girls I dated were either highly narcisistic or borderline. Thankfully, these times I was able to part my way at the early stages of the same abuse that kept me glued to my wife of 15yrs (covert/fragile).

[@mrleomich]

I must say that Richie is right on “was it lust, greed, pride”?

[@David-eu1ms]

​@@mrleomichbeing alone is not as bad as a bad relationship.

[@veronicav1779]

It's all about boundaries. And boundaries are not for others they're for yourself, so to honour these boundaries you must first honour your self.

[@theoriginal7727]

@@mrleomich I got two in a row, I shared child out of the first one and absolute financial, legal and business devastation off the second one! I had no idea what the covert narc was, my daughters mother is diagnosed borderline and extreme histrionic, mild, NPD and ASD. Very high functioning, just toxic and evil enough to qualify Trying to imagine how I’m going to get back up from this second round.

[@SteveLyons-w6j]

I literally just walked out of a narcissistic abuse relationship twelve hours ago and I have felt so many emotions sadness And emptiness seem to be the all thats left

[@debbiejohnson5610]

I am feeling the same, kind of freaking out emotionally, and depressed. Barely hanging on right now.

[@rhondabahamas]

May GOD strengthen your mind. You're awesome, beautiful, blessed, and stronger than you think you are. Use your ability and strength to encourage others who are going through this ordeal with these demons 😈

[@AngelsVoiceASMR]

Try hard to not go back your future self will thank you

[@johannesolofsson221]

How is it going..? I just got out of a toxic relationship for the 2 time.. its been a hell of a ride

[@RS-ey8ox]

I am sorry you had to go through all that. I shared your feelings, felt nothing but darkness and emptiness. It took me about two years after the breakup until I slowly started to find a way back to myself again... Don't give up ❤

[@yvettesaxon8572]

Completely agree. 27 years. I justified staying so my kids would have a dad and a decent lifestyle to grow up with. I moved to separate on the 26/12/23. It’s only been nearly 2 months. Hopefully we can divorce amicably. I’m so done. I don’t hate him, we both behaved badly on occasion. I have a lot of work to do to regain my independence at age 51. The grieving process is definitely a thing. The love bombing thing is in full force. I just want to feel better and be a loving person toward my kids and the friends I have that love me. We all make mistakes and when you know better you do better ❤

[@claudiasbarra1044]

I was not able for years to learn to forgive myself and to be kind to myself. Finally Finally Finally......after years of inner work I am able now and it’s wonderful.....I feel joy again. 😊 This is all true Richard. I was so infected with their spirits .....the enmeshment...spirit of fear, of pride, of anger, of judgement, of lies, shame, arrogance ,envy, jalousy......I was infected with all this and I judged myself for it and now after individuation I can see and feel that this wasn't me 😃😃I constantly get in contact with my inner child, my inner adolescent and sad that it wasn't her fault, I explained her what happened, I gave her what she needed in the past and I took responsability for her pain, changed her believes which were projections and then real healing began. I became much more humble automatically. It was not possible to be humble at first. I had to gave myself security, forgiveness and understanding first. Thank you Richard

[@romygarcia3782]

So happy to hear that there can be light at the end of the dark tunnel that narcissistic abuse puts you in 🙏🍀❤️‍🩹 Thank you for sharing your experience… sending you much love 💕

[@claudiasbarra1044]

@@romygarcia3782 thank you. Don't give up. I shared my experience for motivating other persons. Don't give up. You are so worthy. Sending much love and gratefullness. 🙏💜💕💖

[@mightymouse1005]

I have been listening to deliverance videos and anointed my house and animals. Getting his evil demons out of my house....

[@mightymouse1005]

I know my problem. Horrible abusive childhood. 2 bad marriages. Last marriage was to an amazing and wonderful empathetic man until he died......I was weak and fell into the web of lies the narcissist throws out.....I take full responsibility

[@mightymouse1005]

Religious narcissist are the worst.....

[@robertabrown4123]

I totally understand! It's been over 30 years for me. He finally got physically abusive. THAT is what finally broke my delusion, it was like a spell was broken. I could finally except who he really is, not my fantasy. I could finally give up hope and grieve the loss of what i idealized. I know when i met him i was very young and leaving another abusive relationship. I was desperate for a knight in shining armor. His love bombing hooked me quick and hard. Im just in the beginning of this realization, so still figuring what and how to do things. We are married and have children, so complicated. But i am seeking and learning. I totally understand going from defensive to humble. Right before waking up, i knew he was a narcissist but the physical abuse woke me up and now i see my part in how this all started and continued for so long!

[@oranjwon4437]

These videos are a bit late, but are very helpful! I realized my last relationship was also a little abusive in the Narcissist sense, but it was lower level than what I am used to. I was with a Rock Star Drummer for 9 years. He has so many of the signs, but he was never abusive or controlling over me. Instead, he needed a perpetual audience in his personal life when he wasn't on tour. He was never cruel to me, but he had this idea that he couldn't understand why people get upset when he "bleeds on them." What he thought he was doing was complaining and expressing his troubles. What he WAS doing was getting paper cuts and then ripping his own arm off and beating me with it, to illustrate how bad he felt. Lol...He was always the Victim. Unfortunately for him, my experiences were usually much worse, so if I was relating to him and giving advice, he would see it as though I was trying to win a "how bad" contest. I only wanted to illustrate that I "get it." He abandoned me in my time of need, when I started displaying serious MS symptoms. I just got pissed about that, after every back-breaking thing I had done for him, and left the relationship immediately. I can be proud of myself for that. Turns out, it took 50 years for my spinal cord injury, that nobody-not even me- knew about, to begin disabling me. I sustained that injury in the early part of my abuse journey, at the age of 5. It went unchecked and I was neglected. All of my symptoms were ridiculed and ignored, so I learned to live with them and thought a lot of them were actually normal. Finally get to see a neurologist today, in fact! The MRI is already done, neurologists have been hard to come by lately. But I got the first part of the diagnosis and I knew right away, how and when I got that injury. It took me out of my body, to watch from the ceiling. I don't even know what happened after I was nearly beaten to death or crippled, I just know everything changed in my perceptions, when I was blamed for the attack for being whiny. I had asked for help with a difficult button. I had not been whiny all day, I know and remember. Sorry if this is too long. I thought it was appropriate to point out my ex's behavior here. It wasn't so obvious, and I figured others in this realm, might relate to the more subtle signs.

[@bitfreedom]

This brought a tear to my eye 😢 Stay on the healing path. This world is not fair

[@danielfrancoismalherbe6803]

Thank you for your time, Richard. Especially in making these videos. They really help.

[@Hannah2012able]

Its a crazy journey. I'm finally getting to understanding my situation. ❤

[@EveningTV]

Are you saying that there are people who start this process being anything but devastated? I remember what a relief it was when I got angry because with anger came creativity and determination. Up to then I was paralyzed. When I look at the outcome for my children it is clear we did not win. I kept waiting for the world to make sense, and for me to feel wise . There has been no redemption or validation, no requests for forgiveness, no perfect world. You'll never meet your quota of bad people or pain. The Universe will never determine that you have paid enough, and neither will your toxic family, sadistic ex or traumatized kids.

[@billieberry6756]

I hear you! I first want to say that I hear you. The anguish is unfathomable. Truly beyond words. I lived with seething anger, unknowingly believing that this was somehow redemptive. That anger held such energy as to hold me, painfully, to a place where I could fall to pieces and, again, unknowingly be safe. I am grateful for my anger, but it no longer serves me. My anger was all-consuming, like fire. Now, there is room for self-reckoning.

[@corinnekelley8133]

How you stand up for the truth is beautiful and admirable. Your integrity shines through.

[@philipcharles8218]

This is why Buddhism is the way out of our mental cage that the narcassists put us in. When we do mind body work we use our own voice. The more we do that the more we will recognise our voice over the other voices.

[@SweetSweetFireOfLove]

Best talk ever. . This encapsulates the journey to wholeness for myself. Kindness, compassion, humility…. These are the best paths.

[@franjk7114]

Humility is accepting that you have lost the ego war so that you can truly win your mind, your spirit, your heart. So much peace comes with it.

[@alysonfleming1477]

I like what you said about humility, redemption and forgiveness.

[@CandaceShanise]

You are absolutely the BEST Narcissistic Expert on KZbin. Thank you so much for all that you do and the way that you do it sir. God bless. ❤

[@GwenLening]

I went to live with my parents who were abusive too! Which was more torment for me😢. I became suicidal, but I never knew it was narcissism, but Slowly I got through it, probably because of therapy...and most therapy do not touch family discourse..it was only going to a violence shelter that I learned more about the abusive power wheel...I probably still need therapy.

[@Hannah2012able]

Ii thank you Richard:) Been watching as I heal, since 2014. Much appreciation! Kept me company through a 14 year muck hole. ❤❤

[@Hannah2012able]

The years you're honesty moved forwards. Some what as I too learned to forgive myself. Keep on going. One step a time

[@mlou7432]

Do you know what my sin was? I didn’t know my worth and I let a man determine my worth for 34 years of marriage and my religious beliefs kept me in that marriage. I thought I could change this man and teach him humility and teach him how to react kindly. The golden rule never worked on him. I suffered. I floundered and made mistakes trying to find self-worth in the relationship and outside the relationship. I finally found videos online like this, that helped me break free.

[@MuzzyWuzzy]

Exactly my story

[@devankurmitra4118]

What religion

[@sadiamufti8890]

👍👍👍

[@mlou7432]

@@devankurmitra4118 christianity. Or I should say churchianity. That is religion I’ve now found a walk with the Lord a relationship with my Lord is what Jesus preached.

[@devankurmitra4118]

@@mlou7432 how is your "relationship " different from religion?

[@emmab4323]

Right on brother. Last night I was saying to myself, you are beautiful, smart, and amazing woman. Then I thought, wow I sound like a narcissist then I laughed and God reminded me, well you have been calling yourself a piece of shit for so long, its ok in the privacy of your own home, to build your self esteem. Be humble out there in the world..

[@Job.Well.Done_01]

We aren’t the pos’s - Those vile, savage creatures who used and abandoned us - plus smeared our names are the real pos’s.

[@Theowlhawk]

Well said Richard, truth is healing!

[@phoenixd9679]

Thank you Richard you help us a lot ! Detachment finally kicked in for my set of mind to finally do it NOW ! Difficult but necessary was to the point of me getting sick and die or to tell ,find authority , legally to have my adult narcissist son (42years old) move out 60 days notice . He’s the continuation of abuse as my own family chain … my mother , ex husband his father , 3 ex boyfriends . Thank you to our community, who needs to get out is …NOW , ASAP , nothing goes better with time only WORSE !!! This new approach of humble,humility,tell , AUTHENTICITY IS MY WORD FOR A MONTH 💕 in my character now for Myself!

[@mightymouse1005]

Find out why you attract them and are attracted to them. That's what you need to fix. I'm sorry all those toxic people have hurt you.

[@isthisshit4real]

I gather she attracts them/is attracted to them because she grew up with a narc mom. Still need to repair your codependency. 1st step was kicking out your son. GREAT JOB, SO PROUD OF YOU!!!! 💝👍👍😀

[@Lainee-Baby]

I agree with ALL of this. I have had 3 narc relationships over 30+ years. I felt so stupid after my 3rd which I ended 9 weeks ago. I have felt all the guilt, blamed myself… all of it! But I have learned to forgive them AND myself for making those mistakes. I am being kind, humble and loving towards me and focus on my healing. Unfortunately I am not able to put it all behind me as there are ongoing issues to deal with in a legal sense but I will remember to remain humble and forgiving as I go forward. I am only human, fallible and but have the ability to do and be better with these lessons 🙏🏻

[@taniafitzgerald1673]

Third timer here too, ended it 5 weeks ago, luckily just sold the house and I am out. I totally understand the guilt and the blame, and I radically accept the reality of what they and the relationships truly were. And what my mother is. It’s tough. But we are still breathing!

[@guitarguy10000]

That part at 11:54 is huge for men to observe, seeing how to vocalize pain is probably not a lot of us have been taught.

[@perhagman6112]

I was with her for 16 years. Have been out for three. No healing in sight. The pain is real. I am powerless.

[@aprilasher1737]

I ONLY ESCAPED BECAUSE HE DIED. Richard. Oh my. I want to give you a huge thank you from the bottom of my heart. Your video really spoke to me. For the first time in my life, I feel I have a fighting chance at surviving. I was married to a covert narcissist for 36-1/2 years. I discovered this fact when I started therapy 2-years ago. I had suspected it for a while, but doubted my truth. If he had not died 5 months ago, I would not have been able to escape. I felt trapped. Soon after, I discovered he didn't concern himself with me after death either. No arrangements made. Just more horrible discoveries and the reality of how much he didn't care. Yes, I played the blame game. The anger. Unforgiveness for myself. Therapy started to lift the blinders. His death shocked my eyes open - didn't want to see. I've been thinking self-forgiveness may play a key role in my survival. My future. Everything you said made absolute sense. I walked into this relationship with a lot of pain. I wanted so desperately to escape it I walked right into an even worse situation. Way worse. Even just writing down my truth, why I did what I did. My accountability How I got myself into this mess. But, for the first time, I didn't condemn myself. I didn't beat myself up. I didn't rip myself up. Humility and kindness with myself? Yes, and yes. I feel it in my heart. I made a mistake. Wasted 36-1/2 years. No. I also realized I have lived a rich full life despite him. I made very dear friends while I worked. I traveled a lot for work and I always took full advantage of it. I know this is only the beginning in my healing, and I'll have good days and bad. But it's a great feeling to have hope. Thank you.

[@vivianwilliams4709]

I know this post is 3 months old: but I needed Mr.Grannon's wisdom poured out here. And I'm grateful for it. As well let me add because I've gone through this - being vicious and saying or doing anything back just poisons you! It only makes you feel worse and makes you question yourself more , hate on yourself more for being so "unlike" your true loving peaceful self, it just makes you sicker - not the person who is / has been doing real damage to you. So yes, be humble with yourself and reinstate as much PEACE and as great a Serine environment around yourself and for yourself no matter what. {if you are still around the damaging person - just do all you can truly to stop all interactions until...}

[@jacquienel7576]

Humility is actually very healing, its like a weight off, and being deadly honest is also very therapeutic. And the balancing of humility and kindness to self in your msg is very helpful and on point. Thank you

[@almarocha-ortiz2283]

Yes the first step is to be humble enough to see our own pain, our own child like dreams and hopes, our own limitations and most importantly our own darkness. Only after we humble ourselves can we exalt ourselves to the light and to the truth of what we want and what we are❤

[@neveragain733]

My 1st one was over 9 years ago. Lasted 2 years. I was so traumatized i stayed single for 7 years. The a girl pursued me with great intensity and speed. I knew something was wrong from the beginning, but it was so fun and happy i got sucked in. Turned out she has bpd. I held out for 7 yrs then ended it. I was so broken a d mentally and physically damaged. After i had her leave she said she never wanted to speak to me again and that i abised her. I was stunned. I have now been diagnosed with cptsd.

[@manuelateixeira22]

Here I am. Since Four o'clock in the morning...Listening to you and understanding every single word ...and still, feeling miserable. I was married for 40 years.I raised four boys whom I named like their father. I left him five and a half years ago. This never ending loneliness seems to get worse and worse. I don't see myself as stupid but emotionally I know I'm an idiot. I forgive myself for that but I can't help feeling sorry for myself and this sorrow is not compatíble with my idea of dignity and self respect... It's been sooo hard . This man for whom I now feel sorrow, keeps haunting me like a ghost...

[@theoriginal7727]

You’re not an idiot, friend! Don’t beat up on yourself and continue their abuse. We really don’t know, until we know. What it all is!

[@manuelateixeira22]

Thank you for your good Will, friend!

[@mightymouse1005]

Understandable How about volunteering somewhere? Food banks, animal shelter, soup kitchen, church, wherever you would enjoy. Go SLOW in everything you do. Pamper yourself. Allow yourself to sleep in if you can. We should form a friendship circle of people to call weekly just to have someone who understands. You can do this.

[@mightymouse1005]

Your NOT an idiot.....you didn't know. You can't blame yourself for what you didn't know

[@GwenLening]

I did the same, affirmation helps a lot, Louise Hay books and videos are helpful, and Wayne Dyer, " RISE ABOVE The doubts, and Transcend the limitations this person gave you by be-littling you..abolish ANY COMMUNICATION with this abuser..for your self- respect and the only way to learn to value yourself.

[@Indigo_newness]

Yeah I've had 7 narcissists in my life and have 2 still around me...but I can handle them as I don't see them much anymore ...I'm winning in life now and have finally through the help of people like you help me survive these demons and get through all my trauma....x

[@joan202]

Dearest Richard Thank you for 12 years of service. Your knowledge and compassion is a kindness that heals heart and soul. Your quiet strength and empathy is transformative. Your healing messages are heard and valued.

[@wildhorses6817]

Wow, This is Very Powerful. Your Very Best. Thank you.

[@colleenbucks4385]

I thank God for you often & for His angels to cover & protect you Richard . The fantasy/dual mothership youtube revelation was a life saver for me ❤❤❤

[@zigggyyyc7342]

I felt overwhelming guilt more than anything when I left my last narcissistic partner.. she did make out like I was horrible for leaving her though. Like some helpless abandoned child. It's sickening how perfect their acting is. Absolutely diabolical

[@theoriginal7727]

❤🎉❤🎉❤ horrible when there is actually a child between you and shared custody… If they are high functioning, the courts are absolutely clueless. Unless there’s really extreme physical or sexual abuse going on, it’s hard to get full custody, especially as a man. I would love nothing more than to be down the road and never see her hideous black hole, eyes and face ever again… But no way in heaven or hell would I leave my daughter to that fate! Her mom has the emotional capacity of a six or seven-year-old comment and my daughter is turning eight this year so we’re getting into rough waters…

[@mightymouse1005]

They're ALWAYS the innocent victims...

[@bjb0808]

This is amazing. What you are saying is something I had not heard before and it explains the things I still had not understood. And it also explains why I feel the hate and cruel vengeance so many other channels spew made me feel something was dreadfully amiss. Wow. Thank you.

[@mycustompaintedlife502]

When I first realized it, I felt empowered and like I took my power back. That was great for 1-2 years but later on I began struggling.

[@loba49]

I completely am in accord with you about the need for kindness for yourself AND humility during the early part of recovery. I’m there right now. I had a very good cry today in self-compassion and told him I should have walked away very early on when you were playing mean mind games. I guess I didn’t love myself enough to heed the warnings. I was too hungry for love and in fact I was ravenous and starved. Multiple people I trust tried to warn me and I did not listen. I have to take ownership for the part I played. I’m much better these days at being kind to myself. I think of my face as a child in this one photo I love. I was a resilient little girl, and I loved so hard and was so lonely. I apologized to myself for abandoning her. She was abused enough as a child and more than enough as an adult. It’s up to me to protect her now. I love her/myself much more now, and I will protect her from now on much better.

[@TheBartzilla]

5:00 , 5:39 , 6:04 , 11:46 , 14:38 , 16:48 , 21:39 , 25:44 most helpful parts.

[@Crystal-p9c]

Even after being separated for more than a decade... When you have a child together, and the child grows up to be a teen mirroring and being coached by the narcissistic parent. Both abusing you at the same time. I stand up and say to you all " I will keep healing even when I'm in the fire." I sit in humility and learn from every step taken. Love to you all. xoxo Thank you @RICHARDGRANNON for being a part of my healing journey. You make the difference in the world.

[@SweetSweetFireOfLove]

Being removed from nature reinforces human tendencies for over estimation of self. Nature /God is humbling. Humbling =freedom

[@jordanmcclure484]

I for sure go back and see even deeper what I did notice back then but I didn’t see the whole picture. And I am saddened that I didn’t listen deeper to myself and the gut feeling I had of knowing this isn’t for you, and it isn’t good or safe or healthy. I see my mistakes now. And I’m so grateful for that, so that I can heal and then grow and be more cautious and aware to never get caught in another abusive relationship.

[@danettedarling]

Richard, i so appreciate you putting these videos together and speaking about the effects of advise and why! It’s helping me tremendously! It’s a lonely road

[@veronicahuseby6195]

This one made me cry. Thank you for the message or forgiving yourself and having humility. There were times when I thought I had to be strong and not grieve, but the fact that it was so easy to hear what you said and cry because of how true your statements were, say a lot.

[@jessicat3507]

Thank you this video is one of your best I think 👏🏻

[@jennywager6228]

Let go and pushing thru. 35 years in a hypnotic trance. Cry me a fooking river untangling the mess ....Anythings better than enduring that again admitting my own truths is not all bad. It's peaceful xx

[@AmandaElizabeth-hn5yc]

If you keep going back, you will find it only gets worse, I went back so many times just to make sure they were ok, as i worried that it was all my fault. If you do the work with yourself first and really learn to heal yourself back to love and health, you will see their floors more and more. It starts with you. These videos have helped so so much, never let it be said that being informed with the correct information doesnt work, they are all part of the personal healing journey. A good therapist, journalling giving yourself time to breath and heal, and good informative guidance, you will break free 🙏

[@midnight-in-tx]

Don't worry Grannon. Your not an echo chamber. Your a voice of comfort and valuable resource. Not everyone can get away from their narcisist and some are waiting until the children are more self sufficient to get out of these relationships. So many people don't understand and your truly a blessing.

[@kathiejl1]

The children are imprinting the behaviors in your home. 😭

[@aprilcobianchi2815]

Thank you it has been almost 5 months and i agree is forgiving myself Caring for my self and be kind to myself thank you 🙏

[@Foolmeonce-y5p]

This is outstanding and the most practical real life, applicable help I have heard yet since this unreal shit storm unfolded on me over a year ago. Thanks for these videos, they are helping me.

[@ZuzannaKin]

You are very kind man. Best wishes for you! There is a saying "Pride walks before fall" its complite Truth. Humility is a superpower.

[@FlaminHell]

41:27 Exactly 💯 Thanks Richard for all your videos, I have been watching for over 5 years and I'm finally "getting it". Was assaulted and abused numerous times by numerous people from birth to age 40. Am finally healing. I thought I was a narcissist too but I think I had just taken on the parts from the people who abused me. Wasted over a decade with one who took my early adult years, health, energy , sanity, all my money and possessions, and parts of who I was. Coming out of the fog now. It has been hard but it's not impossible. You give me hope. Thank you.

[@keeleysmith2174]

This is the most useful, sensible video of all, for me. I have somehow interjected Richard as my animus, the voice driving me to action, to recovery. Sometimes he wears a yellow bucket hat as he speaks to me. Don't send help, it gives my inner work a festival vibe.

[@flavordavius]

Thanks, Richard. The deadliest of the 7 deadly sins is pride. Conversely, humility is the greatest of virtues.

[@bronwynpinette1189]

This video is beautiful. Thank you, Richard 😢❤

[@shanedunn5000]

I agree with everything that you have to say about being humble, forgiving yourself and kindness. I believe I’m very self aware that I allowed myself to steer away from myself,,my morals and just the hope that I could be different to the narcissist and humbly think that I could conquer his insecurities. I was brought up with the thought of what did I” do to this person to make them treat me differently “ my Mother taught me that it was always my fault-I’m 3months of not seeing him”- but the healing process is very hard- I’ve blocked, I know all I can do is work on me”, steer my energy towards healing , I myself don’t have the energy to solve his issues- I was contacted via a side email from him as I suspected- the silence I knew would end.. I struggle with the hurt and frustration of not being able to connect all the hard work Ive done, and his pathetic, empty email. The heart and the head so close but so far away… Its maddening..

[@NumeroUnoYo]

He's 100% correct, I've been humbled I fell on my face, HARD. 6 years after no contact, I realize I was NOT myself. I move slower in life and have to "come back to my body" several times a day. HUMILTY is KEY. It is the way. Thanks Richard for another great video.

[@arthurcurry7688]

Please STOP the fighting!! I have had enough! Innocent people are getting hurt- MYSELF included!

[@MT-tx7bu]

I like that you brought up humility. I think it's important to recognize that within the framework of healing ourselves, being able to see our flaws and hurts are a part of the human experience. It reminds me of what you learn in Al-Anon Family. One of the steps is being responsible for the things you have done to hurt others. I remember one of the members said, "You know, I'm really struggling with this step. I've been hurt. Why should I have to apologize?" You don't always get, if ever, an apology from an addict. In the same sense, you don't get an apology from a Narcissist. It's the hurt that keeps on giving. So, I can see why part of healing is looking at your own behavior towards others and yourself. Am I being kind and patient with myself? Am I offering that to others? Do I apologize when I have hurt someone or am I defending myself because I have had to do that with the Narcissist?

[@erikaiserhoff3997]

I agree with this. You have to look at yourself and say it's time to grow! And change. Let go and invest your energy in your life and future ❤

[@krisztinaerdoes1794]

I do ask myself every day why did I let them treat me the way they did. The problem is my brain has an answer for this question. It is something I do to myself, and in that moment it is not the narcissist's fault. Yes, they used the opportunity. It was their chance to treat somebody badly but the bigger problem is the allowing of it. And that has everything to do with myself. With my child hood and youth trauma.

[@tinatiotwoonedeka]

I want to cry reading this. Just like my thoughts and my experience

[@Recoveryasrrrfgrdbgsdff]

Trauma bonds are very real and humilty in that ? I know i was very beat up emotionally and abandoned because i could not break ties. I was so angry at myself. L7ckily my Stockholm Syndrome is gone it took 3 and a half years. Now im grieving the loss of the ppl i thought were my friends and family. I think hrlping ppl who want help would be rewarding. Thats what your doing. NPD takes a long time to recover from I have DID i may have it the rest of my life. My biggest dream is not to feel pain one day.

[@JoseAntonio-re3iq]

Richard you are saving life’s. I understand there are things you need to keep to yourself but I do know God is with you. Warrior

[@carolcox7196]

Richard, your work prior to 2019 helped me get out of a terrible, abusive marriage of 20 years. It has helped me leave and navigate the aftermath. I’ve been able to preserve my sanity and move forward with building my new life. I love my new life and have never been happier. Once I understood how he thinks, I could step out of the whirlpool that once pulled me down, bewildered. I’m grateful to have found you. I’m grateful that you’ve used your experience to help others 🙏🏻 .

[@MsSoshea]

This was so good again 🙏 Yeah I’ve started watching your content as I’ve been seeing my own narcissistic traits because of it all tbh and as I’ve only just felt like I’ve properly healed from it recently by accepting how much I was had off an that I played a role in that but was all I was capable of at the time. Been working on it from many angles and your course healing from the matrix of npd abuse - a couple of the main points in that changed things massively so thanks Richard. Your understanding of how it operates is the best I’ve come across. This whole topic of npd abuse ; it’s in everything, it’s everywhere, it’s a virus 🦠 infecting us all which is why it’s so difficult to see through the spell.

[@loraglick5745]

OMG- you are spot on with the Abrahamic application to my deal with the devil - yes, I sinned in doing so - cuz I was so needy & lonely & looking for escape into fantasy myself in doing what I did

[@TrentGoss-f3h]

Thank you. It's tough breaking free from them when they follow you everywhere you go like paparazzi

[@user-fs6ou3fk9p]

100 percent true. It's a kindness to yourself. It feels nice for the inner voice to be gentle and kind. I give myself grace that ignorance isn't stupidity It's just ignorance. I didn't know what I didn't know. I've never wanted to get even. It feels so good to have little to no contact. My anger comes from my mother dying married to this horrible person and subjecting myself and my family to him. I'm working through this. It's been a real challenge and hard work as I grew up on a day to day with severe stress and trauma due to an alcoholic rageful father. Only raged when he drank once a month but we never knew when it was going to happen. He died when zi was 20. Mom's second marriage was to a narcissist who took us all in. Over 30 years he wrought so much damage and yet I'm recovering and finding peace. It's getting easier. Forgiving my deceased parents has been good because I'm able to start grieving. Life can get better.

[@krisymar1]

This video is really priceless. Honestly it’s the BEST NPD abuse video I’ve ever seen. You are doing incredible healing work on this topic and giving some reality sound, grounded advice while also being very effective. Plus you are so humble, AND funny! think you should be awarded for your service to humanity in this field. Thanks so much for what you do and the work you put into this.

[@realitycheck5376]

I've been recovering from narcissism for some time now and still have a lot to learn. However, there is one thing I have known about myself and my recovery from the get go. That is that, I do not want to hurt the narcissist. As Mr. Grannon is saying, it is a big failure because you are then no different than the narcissist. It has always been very easy for me to destroy a narcissist with sarcasm, hitting below the belt as they do and crushing their feelings and ego. The only thing that has ever done for me is to make me feel guilty and apologetic towards the narcissist, thus keeping me in the state of non-recovery.

[@sandracaezza7234]

Best dose of reality for me I have heard,ty. I am 73 yrs young & I now recognize my homeward journey was my start to my next act. Grateful really if the narc never was in my life I would never have learned the lesson. My journey is a reward

[@deborahkahlmeier8814]

This is the most comprehensive, accurate and freeing advice on Narcissistic Abuse that I have heard to date. Thank you so very much! ❤

[@Jess-kn8vl]

I stayed in it so long because I was gaslighted by therapists. I did seek guidance which is why im so angry now. Silver lining, I listen to my intuition in every situation and that has been huge the last 4 years.

[@mightymouse1005]

Find a therapist who specializes in cluster B personality disorder.

[@emmatv4738]

Thank you, Richard. I started watching your content five years ago as there was such a strong suspicion that I was in a relationship with a narcissist. After a two month break up three years ago, then we got back together - and a cancer diagnosis followed by chemotherapy and immunotherapy for the past two years, I am here, back again. There was finally a huge breakup involving so much narcissist rage that left me and has left me so sad and confused. I feel so humbled now and really need to concentrate on my life and avoid a cancer reoccurance. You're the only one right now that I find consolation with. Thank you for all your content and what you do ❤

[@elizabethgreenberg6007]

so brilliantly said. I teach this with my clients and it’s wonderful for me to listen to your deeper layers. I agree with this inner reflection, the introject, aligning with truth, humility and how we all fumble- we all make these “Mis Takes”

[@grace692]

Such insights expressed extremely well. This video is a gift.

[@AnnaPoetry]

I thank my saviour Jesus that I see this video now when I really need it. Yes, I have come to radical acceptance and I realize that it was not only about him, I also have a responsibility. I feel more and more peace. Thank you Richard for this video. ❤ God Bless you from Sweden.

[@fullgallupfarms]

22 yrs.. i didn't know til a year ago. Ugh.. so glad to be getting out and get healed.

[@nicolegoodyoga171]

Gosh...what a vulnerable and heart-full and compassionate video this is. Thank you 🙏