Understanding Narcissism in Family Dynamics | Darren F Magee

[@RICHARDGRANNON]

📲 Become a community member today - www.richardgrannon.com/community 🔗 Darren's KZbin channel - www.youtube.com/@DarrenFMagee 🔗 Darren's Instagram page - instagram.com/sentientcounselling

[@singstreetcar5881]

Im subscribed to Darren's youtube page long time and he understands scapegoat abuse and narc family so much. He is calm and soft spoken which is also a plus😊

[@paulcory8691]

Thank you for presenting that. It feels like therapy.

[@rozesaredead]

I just moved out of my boyfriend's narcissistic household (neither of his parents will never admit it, but they are both narcissists). He was their scapegoat, the middle brother was the invisible child, and the youngest was the golden child. Him and his brother took the brunt of everything, while the youngest got away with it all. This video explains so much about his family dynamic.

[@derklebob8161]

Reminds me of my older brother who beat me up for my wallet and my mother said "He gets straight A's and you dont so I can't just punish him"

[@rozesaredead]

@derklebob8161 his brother would either hit or kick him to get him to fight back, and then he'd run to his mom saying he hurt me and cry. Almost had the cops called on him once because of their age difference. His mom didn't care because his brother "would never do that"

[@alema309]

Sounds similar to my current situation. I live with my boyfriend and his narcissistic twin brother. In my boyfriend's family their mom is the Queen Bee and everyone has a role. My bf is the scapegoat and his brother is the golden child. He doesn't resist her tactics bc he gets things out of it. And he's also a narcissist himself I wouldn't have agreed to move in with him too if I knew. He can do and say anything because their mom(who's also a narcissist) will back him up. Their stepdad follows whatever she says so he also backs him up. If I were to stay ...it means shutting up and putting up. With the balant disrespect and lack of human decency.

[@rozesaredead]

@alema309 i convinced him to move down to my parents house because I couldn't put up with his family anymore. At first, his family was so nice to me until they got comfortable. I was constantly being disrespected and put down, along with my boyfriend. He couldn't stand up for himself bc his mom would tell him to shut up when trying to discuss an issue. She would even try that on me and I shut her down. He never realized how his family was until we moved out.

[@belleyupable]

I wish healthy Happy Holidays to everyone here 🎄🎄🎄

[@angelamalcomb1373]

Merry Christmas 🎄🎁

[@lifeinitalianmountainvillage]

@@angelamalcomb1373 Merry awareness day, every day.

[@MiraMeunier]

there's nothing like growing up in split custody between 2 toxic households and struggling with the endless switching. I remember I lived in a state of anxiously counting the days in fear of the shift. my dad is an autistic psychopath with OCPD. he has that tyrannical sadism like an angry dysregulated drill sargent. thank you for defining that for me ☺️ I was a lost child until I took an IQ test and was placed in an experimental highly gifted magnet with a 145 IQ entrance requirement. then I became the golden child but still experienced being the lost child on the inside. now I'm estranged from my family because I wanted to heal and I couldn't bear to participate in dynamics which are harmful to people I love. I love my family and I spent too much time and sustained too many injuries empathizing and trying to help them out of toxic dynamics. at my mom's home, my older brother was the scape goat but also an unrecognized hero child. I have always called him my hero because he was a good parent to me where my real parents failed while also being treated like a loser and disrespected by everyone. they weren't happy he was actually taking care of me, they were threatened by him showing them up 😢 it was heartbreaking for us both. I'm so lucky for him. I easily could have ended up with NPD if it weren't for him. I actually felt loved by him as though taking care of me made him happy and he wanted to be with me. he is a decade older than me and failed out of high school working 2 jobs for the resources to raise me and get me away from the home when possible. he struggled awhile but now he's a federal judge here in California, a JAG prosecutor in the army reserve, and a criminal justice professor ☺️ I was the high IQ golden child and I'm still struggling with my trauma lol but I'm proud that I'm actually working on myself and I've never really cared to impress people. I just hope to become a healthier person and make the most of what is meaningful to me in life ☺️ it's my dad that REALLY fucked me up and it's only recently that I realized he's genuinely a psychopath. I still love him but I was enmeshed with both parents. I haven't seen either one in 13 years. I can love them from afar lol thank you for clarification on so many terms. this is fantastic 😻

[@coach_amy]

24:55 - "They appear close.." 25:50 "There's little to no connection..." With most people I've known and know of, it seems there has been either a sense of oblivion as to what "closeness" and "connection" are or else it just doesn't matter to them. I would love an entire series on this alone. Side note: My ex covert NPD psychopathic partner would tell me pertaining to my saying that I want a close and connected relationship, "Well then BE CLOSE and BE CONNECTED with me!" (I believe my ex didn't even fathom I was talking about. Seemed to assume it just should be that way, per the acting/scripts my ex saw in movies.) That same person's family-of-origin members were courteous and giving type of surface-Christian people, who no one had anything bad to say about. But for me, I could feel there were many secrets and unspoken agreements (likely from my ex's infancy and early childhood, at minimum). Everyone was completely fine with silence at dinner, and stupid little "polite" seeming sounds and comments (even the parents seemed to have this kind of relationship). I'm sure no one would ever be able to uncover evidence of anything. It felt like a psychological thriller, but no one seemed to notice or be concerned. My ex seemed pleased and quite secure in the facade, the shell, of their "relationships" and dynamics. Of course, it all supports my ex's false self and hiding of dark secrets--some of which the mother silently and stealthily would cover up/clean up (quite literally)... The mother and I might have been the only one to see my ex's rage; otherwise, on the outside to the unaware, my ex seemed so laid-back and chill, harmless and even naive (quiet, very quiet).

[@nicoleorton5299]

Richard G. You are looking wonderful, healthy and intelligent as usual! Thanks so much for helping myself and so many others!! Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

[@bevscooby1]

Hi Richard, something I’ve recently come across which can help the healing process. You know how we all want to please the narcissist in our life for an ounce of validation. I noticed how obsessed we become with a certain niche that they have validated at some point in the relationship. We make sure we know every aspect of whatever they have validated as it becomes our thing that we can feel noticed. It could be anything but it has to be what the narcissist finds special in us. As a narcissist survivor I found music and knowing every word to every song he ever liked would make him listen and be impressed with me. I now know I dipped into my brain to become so good at something that I can actually put this into place for myself. They opened a door to a superpower I never knew I had and speaking to other narcissist survivors I’ve noticed this is a thing and every survivor I’ve spoken too has an uncanny niche of some sort. Just something I wanted to share with you and other survivors out there as turning this to our advantage is a game changer 🤩😊

[@donnadragonflytales]

I had an ex once say to me: 'if you don't genuinely agree with me then I don't have a voice'... This opening blew my mind, thank you

[@almondmilksoda]

Yay! This is the collab I never knew I needed. 🙌🏻

[@caroleminke6116]

Darren 💗

[@brightstar4321]

Deep and multilayered content - loved it! 😍

[@critter_paws]

(I'm behind) love that specification between validation and collision

[@Jen.K]

This was interesting, especially the family roles. I always assumed that I was the scapegoat, and my sister was the golden child, but now I'm realising that is wasn't so straight forward. Both my sister and my mother played an enabling role at times, it's still happening, even though our parents are now in their 90's and we are in our 50's. It's fascinating and frustrating how deep this programming goes. No matter what you learn, when those dynamics get triggered, everyone seems to go unconscious and starts playing their role, me included. I am absolutely sick of it, but they are old, have health problems and are vulnerable, so I'm supposed to put my needs aside and put them first, even though I have my own health issues, which they don't seem to be able to remember. I also get tired of repeating what's wrong with me, but if I don't, they expect me to cater to their constant emergencies, like running low on milk or bread, even though they get weekly grocery deliveries. It's the same ol same ol, and I'm still the scapegoat, even though I have done what I can to make sure they are being taken care of, I am only as good as what I last did for them. They don't even hide it, when I arrive, or before I leave, my mother actually says, hmm! what can I give you to do today, and calls dad to see if he has anything for me to do. But because I'm the scapegoat, and a bad person who never does anything to help, when dad needs help with something, it's always mum who asks me and thanks me, because if he did it himself, he wouldn't be able to keep his image of me as being selfish, ungrateful and the bad one. I've been dealing with this my whole life, it's been awful, but at least now I understand what's been going on, and that it was never my fault, even though I was always told it was.

[@watkinsinc.7147]

Catholics, Mormons,... I believe the problem is religious organizations in general

[@ionathelle]

Marry Christmas to you too 🤣

[@watkinsinc.7147]

@ionathelle Merry Christmas 😊

[@ionathelle]

@@watkinsinc.7147 ❤

[@anacardinale5769]

It has nothing to do with any faith. It is my faith that had given me the comfort growing up in a toxic environment. It is my Catholic faith that is helping me break free at 67. For those seeking strength and clarity, try praying daily to a God who loves you.

[@watkinsinc.7147]

@@anacardinale5769 Yes stay in the spirit, not religion. God be with you

[@annetallegrand5656]

Yay🎉 patiently waiting

[@eqyogi]

Great chat! Thanks.

[@msme7674]

Wonderful insight! Wish I'd heard it 20 years ago. 😐 Thank you!

[@joannjulian3417]

Bravo...nailed it!!!

[@nothing-b2n]

Yes you are

[@Melissa_John3_16]

3:32 I hated the movie Mommy Dearest! No offense to Christine at all but having to watch it with mine when I was around 12 and have her ask me “I’m not that bad am I?” What was I supposed to say???

[@watkinsinc.7147]

@@Melissa_John3_16 I would have asked her what she thought and left it at that.

[@Melissa_John3_16]

@ with her rages I avoided any and all confrontations if I could.

[@watkinsinc.7147]

@Melissa_John3_16 Well maybe thank her for the kind things she did do.

[@watkinsinc.7147]

@Melissa_John3_16 After all, she didn't abort you did she?

[@Melissa_John3_16]

@ 🤦🏼‍♀️

[@singstreetcar5881]

I was never suspended from school but i was the bad child My siblings were suspended from high school and university but nobody did anything to them. My parents just pretended like nothing happened.

[@GloriousEagle69]

my mom denied me to have friends online via video games because they might be predators. i couldnt even play MP because i was so overprotected. it was never about my saftey it was about isolating me and enmeshing. she could be the hero who comforts when im sad.

[@Greenbambu78]

There are many terms that people don't know how to match or act out according to their meanings. For example, being vulnerable doesn’t necessarily mean sharing one’s secrets at the most intimate moment. Being vulnerable doesn’t mean freely saying “I love you” or “I care about you” to just anyone just to pretend to be sweet in front of others. Vulnerability is like humility. People often don’t know which actions to take, in which situations, or when to show that someone is being humble, as opposed to merely pretending to be humble by telling others that they are. In one of the latest talks, Darren could only explain what humility is not. So, it would be helpful if each of these “relational” terms could be demonstrated and explained with specific examples. Reading and listening is one thing, people need to know to apply these term/relational understanding at different levels in different settings and people. What is your opinion on individualism/individualistic culture and gender differences (both individually and combined) and their impact on narcissism and other psychopathologies?

[@Powderbluu]

hey richard do you know the film whiplash? maybe its worth analyzing it and you can make a video about it. Some of it shows it really good what a narcistic person is selling to a codependent. And it shows that such a dysfunctional relationship can be pretty "functional" for striving for greatness. Just an idea. maybe you pick it up.

[@RICHARDGRANNON]

Yes I loved Whiplash, its a good idea, Ill do something in the new year.

[@alchemicalembrace]

I just joined membership. How/where do I access the rest of this presentation? Thanks.

[@tragedy-and-comedy]

Is this from the Liverpool seminar back in may? I’ve been wondering about the recordings 🤔

[@RICHARDGRANNON]

it is!

[@marmacher]

🎉

[@leonellie1]

Closet hanger was just awful but so clear

[@Kelbelle-gt3dl]

✨🕯️🐦‍🔥💫✨ .🔨‼️✨

[@Quazgaa]

homeless penguins 🤣

[@leonellie1]

Mommy dearest?

[@FiveGunsWest]

Seems like this guy doesn't have any kids. A little too much Dr. Spock permissive hippie style non-parenting. Too much of that out there. Love the channel, even this guy, but I ain't doing this. Sorry.