Creating Safe and Conscious Relationships with Harville Hendrix & Helen LaKelly Hunt

In this interview, I speak with two of my most cherished teachers in the Conscious Relationship space. Harville Hendrix Ph.D. and Helen LaKelly Hunt Ph.D. are internationally-respected couple's therapists, educators, speakers, and New York Times bestselling authors. Together, they have written over 10 books with more than 4 million copies sold, including the timeless classic, Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples. In addition, Harville has appeared on the Oprah Winfrey television program 17 times!
We talk about:
Conscious Relationship
What is your "Imago" partner?
Why do things turn from honeymoon to nightmare?
How to we navigate the power struggle
Our partner as an ally in our healing
Replacing criticism with curiosity and wonder
3 Non-Negotiable to a Happy Relationship
Getting Your Partner to "Do the Work"
You can find their workshop schedule on their website here: harvilleandhel...
Order my bestselling book, Becoming The One: courses.rising...
For my online programs: risingwoman.co...
Follow me on Instagram: / sheleanaaiyana
Go to risingwoman.com/ for meditations, articles, book recommendations and more.
#consciousrelationships #healing #innerwork

[@konagalHI1]

How awesome is that you get to interview these legends. Safe conversations is fabulous

[@fusstart142]

Powerhouse of an interview! So many fascinating topics.

[@SharieWilson]

1:Talk different 2: 0 negative (criticism) 3: Affirmations

[@kiannycordon7987]

This was amazing! This really helps me understand why past relationships haven’t worked.

[@ElizabethRitchie]

Such an impactful interview! As a therapist who works with women in struggling marriages / long - term relationships its hard to single out just one gem. I think two standouts are- 'criticism is the annihilation of the other person' and 'it's not what you say, but how you say it'. Thanks for this excellent content!

[@hafsatmuhammed2414]

Hello I'm so excited my relationship was fixed back again my ex is back to me we loving and happily together,I got help from a great man who brought us back together......

[@ParisTNT]

Wonderful interview🥰 thank you for sharing!

[@cathyflora385]

Shay! You are an amazing interviewer! And that was the best interview ever! You definitely know their topic well, and I love hearing them speak! I cannot imagine a better foundation for couples than this work. xo

[@bhabnapati2092]

such a beautiful and information rich talk!

[@nameeraa]

What an adorable and inspiring couple! Thank you for sharing this ❤

[@evemarietou]

Sheleana, I discovered your work with Rising Woman about a week ago. As I wait for my library loan of your book to be ready, I have been listening to any podcast interviews with you that I can get my hands on, watching your KZbin videos, reading Rising Woman on Instagram and the official website, and bookmarking titles on your book lists. This interview is my first introduction to “Getting the Love You Want,” and I am grateful to you for being a vessel for this important work. I’m writing this comment to say: I had never heard of the concept of the “catastrophizer,” and in your example of you and Ben, I see myself. It’s nice to hear that even individuals in relationship who have done a great deal of work on themselves and on the relationship may have those moments of catastrophizing after a rift or argument, and that this, too, is “normal” and can be an opportunity to learn and grow. I look forward to reading “Getting the Love You Want” after I finish “Becoming the One.”

[@lisbethsalander9477]

beautiful talk, thank you for making this

[@AoibheannDoyle-SoulTherapist]

Adore this couple's wisdom. Read their book years ago... Powerful discussion. Subscribed! Thank you.

[@kotrynaa7529]

Wonderful interview. Very deep and informative. Thank you very much!

[@markhoward814]

This is so beautiful. It left me in tears of hope for our families future. Thankyou namaste 🙏

[@Appleloucious]

One Love! Always forward, never ever backward!! ☀☀☀ 💚💛❤ 🙏🏿🙏🙏🏼

[@moncherie3837]

I love their work! It has worked for me in my marriage. Great interview thank you for that extra inspiration xo

[@fitsarella]

Thank you so much for posting this video!!

[@GC-jk6zd]

Never met a man in 50 years who would go to a relationship workshop or do any of this. :(

[@mouse5691]

Keep looking, he’s out there. If he loves you, he’ll go.

[@GC-jk6zd]

@@mouse5691 “if he loves you” is the operative phrase. I think a ton of us have given up. Too hard.

[@MarinelaM]

Should be taught in high school - adult relationships before any other thing

[@manifestyourbestlife2658]

Hi, I promise you they're out there, my first husband went to two sessions and quit, he just wasn't ready for himself or for me, but the process I found so beautiful and miraculous in what I witnessed in him that I never forgot it. When my current husband and I hit a rough patch 2 years ago and I almost left, I remembered and asked that we go, then I almost backed out, remembering the part where I was the dragger and the draggee my former husband, wasn't ready. I thought, been there, done that and I said so. However my current husband insisted we try, even though he had initially refused, he said, "I want to go because I'll always wonder if I was wrong, otherwise. This way, we'll know we did our best." He's a very smart man, that was probably the one thing he could have said to convince me to try, he made a lot of sense and we have a combined family of 5 kids to consider. We went and we were both amazed at the results, which were relatively speaking very quick and I really thought I knew what was what, being a therapist, lol. Wow, was I amazed, I learned more about my lost parts and shadow and how to own how I said and did things that were triggering him and vise versa, we calmed down so much and learned how to really hear and see each other. Truly profound and so much so, that I went and did the training and I can promise you that I see hundreds of men attend and open themselves to transformation right along with the women. Sometimes the man is even the dragee! It's a beautiful thing. Being open ro possibilities has been life changing. Blessings

[@Kristina-zr9wy]

Read the Empowered Wife by Laura Doyle. It’s about only working on yourself to see changes in your partner without them even knowing. I read this second and I put both of the skills together and I promise you it works.

[@Lena65289]

What a wonderful interview. I have learned so much. Thank you!

[@WeroMcGregor]

Thank you!

[@mazzystar9488]

Fascinating discussion, thanks for posting!

[@tessnf]

Loved this! Thank you for sharing!

[@3gmission]

Ephesians 4:26 :Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger,

[@shadoejones3288]

I did the opposite. I consciously looked for someone who was the exact opposite of either of my parents. But just because he was not like either of my parents didn't mean it was the relationship that was to last a lifetime.

[@SchoolofStuffThatMatters]

This has soothed me. Thank you.

[@malinip2568]

Great conversation. I can’t find the Dialogue Process on the website, please can you add the link to it. Thank you!

[@rebeccalewko3085]

Love this SO much

[@shannonvanrooyen2465]

Very interesting, thank you!

[@Silvertestrun]

Ty

[@laurenjazy2475]

Hey Shay, it’s a great interview, thanks! Full of wisdom and words of advice. Nevertheless, I am surprised that abusive relationships are not mentioned. I imagine that this couples work is great for two healthy and respectful people, but what if there’s abuse involved ? Gaslighting? Character assessination? Being dishonest? We can’t just assume that everyone who is in a relationship is with someone sane. When there’s power and control, it is not always 50/50

[@ladyofspa]

Wondering same. Has to be solo work to get a healthier partner to do all this work.....

[@anrinel4226]

Dr Emerson Eggrichs gives good information about this. You must decide whether your partner is good willed or evil willed. Evil willed wants to destroy you. Then it's abusive and leave for safety... Emotionally also. But if he is just frustrated, an immature bully and Don't have enough skills...... You becoming healthier can pull him up to more health with you.

[@victoriakimani7638]

Really informative

[@olivetaelizabeth]

Colossians 3:18 "Wives, be subordinate to your husbands, as is proper in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, and avoid any bitterness toward them. Children, obey your parents in everything, for this is pleasing to the Lord. Fathers, do not provoke your Children, so they may not become discouraged".

[@hafsatmuhammed2414]

Hello I'm so excited my relationship was fixed back again my ex is back to me we loving and happily together,I got help from a great man who brought us back together......

[@hafsatmuhammed2414]

Wha tsa pp 👆👆

[@ladyofspa]

Great work thanks for caring. Question...Can this work be done before meeting the most difficult partner that will remind you of the unavailable difficult parent. An avoidant isnt willing to do the work with you.. so has to be another way?????

[@jacquelinewalker7256]

Curious... As they were discussing the "opposites attract" diad (about 27 minutes in), I couldn't help but think about how I draw vulnerability out of people, thus attracting emotionally unavailable partners to myself. They comment how they feel safe to be intimate with me--I'm not afraid of their vulnerability, but they appear to be afraid of mine. Any thoughts about this relational dynamic? Recommended resources?

[@doughnuttouch6944]

Hey, I hope it's ok that I give you some of my thoughts on that. 1. Maybe you "draw" the vulnerablity out of people as a way to connect. This is pretty common for co-dependants (not to say that you are one). 2. That people have the feeling that you are a safe space to show themselves, does not mean the can handle their own insecurities. So how can they handle yours? 3. Maybe you do not attract this partners, maybe it's just pretty common for ppl (men) to not work with emotions and you just dicover this some time into the relationship and think you picked the wrong one. We all need time to find out how someone ticks. 4. Beware of the dynamic to go first and take their stuff to somehow hope and expect they take yours afterwards and then feeling dissapointed, like the victim. 5. Its really hard, but try pretty soon to show some vulnerability and look how they handle this. If it goes bad, don't make it about you. You've just catched it earlier. I really like Richard Grannon's work on co-dependancy, because it's brutally honest about our part in the dynamic. Also Lisa A Romano and the book "Overcoming love addiction" gave me really good insights. You are not alone in this. ❤

[@AoibheannDoyle-SoulTherapist]

@@doughnuttouch6944 Amazing reply!

[@doughnuttouch6944]

@@AoibheannDoyle-SoulTherapist Oh, thank you for this kind comment. Much love to you.

[@jeremiahw337]

They are the cutest couple

[@mariapaulaacevedogranada790]

Wisdoms I wish i had six months ago when my marriage just started oblivion. Anyway I have a question, when can one realize when is time to stop making efforts to save something, when it seems that one is only one fighting for it?

[@divyasrirajyala6517]

I read a sample of one of their books ..... it wasn’t for me

[@nienkekuipers9134]

Which of their books describes this topic most extensively? I would love to read more about this..

[@CobaltNorthernStudios]

Getting the Love You Want chapter "the spiritual relationship "

[@elysianinfinity]

I found the tiger king disturbing... I couldn’t watch it beyond around 20 minutes of the first episode lol

[@RisingWoman]

It was disturbing!

[@elysianinfinity]

Honestly can't relate to the hype 😂

[@CraigsOverijse]

To correct Helen mention I think science found was married MEN alive longer than unmarried MEN.. could be different research mind you but for sure didn’t mention women

[@BrillGirl82]

This doesn’t work with personality disordered partners unfortunately 😢

[@asiyamohamed232]

Dytdddyd