Role-Playing The 4 Basic Skills Of Self-Government

[@sherip1270]

Nicholeen, this video is so wonderfully helpful. Please keep doing these. It would be so helpful to see role plays of parent/ toddler, siblings with each other, AND husband and wife together. Pretty please. Wow! I was even wondering if one could use this with co-workers. ;)

[@sherip1270]

Fantastic job, Porter! You could teach other teens and parents. I really loved the way you role played and taught all of us.

[@theholistichome]

BEST VIDEO I HAVE SEEN IN A LONG TIME. He’s definitely going to be sought after as an employee. One of the best gift for LIFE!

[@sherlimekuri]

Well done Porter! You did great helping mum. I think mum needs a new co host, what do you think?😉 This was very helpful. Seeing it in action. More of these would be great please.

[@kellybailey9063]

This is a great video and I could see it working for one or maybe two kids. But in my house there are four kids between the ages of 4 and 12 and almost all of them have explosive responses to almost everything. I don’t even know how I could take the time to go through these steps for each one with every conflict we have all day long. I would get nothing else done but having these conversations over and over every minute of the day. And the distractions that would happen to interrupt us would be a dozen a minute. I tear as I write this because I watch these kinds of videos with great ideas but would literally need someone to come to my house, observe our dynamic, and give viable ideas for our family to thrive. Right now it’s hard and I do feel exhausted, like I’m at war often. We pray nightly for peace in our hearts and peace in our family. 🙏🏻

[@rendavidson5905]

Teach them line by line. you got this!! just start.

[@rendavidson5905]

It reallllllly works and will be so worth it in the long run.

[@angelabwhite]

Thank you so much! I have been praying to learn skills that will help me parent after Heavenly Father’s example when I came across your your channel. I’m really excited to learn more!

[@TeachingSelfGovernment]

Wonderful! It sounds like your heart is in the right place. :) We're Christians and I like to make sure I'm sharing truth in what I teach. I hope you can learn more to help your family!

[@everlybnb2409]

I found you after praying too, my teen girl is more than I can handle.

[@christinechapmanmartin3005]

My 7 year old daughter and I are watching this together. She absolutely loves you and was so excited to see Porter! She is so excited that he is so big! She said he is so small in the book! Haha

[@charmainesteyn4979]

Oh Nicholeen, how i wish i had these skills and knowledge when my daughter was little. now she is 17 going on 18 and is totally defiant. i am going to try this with my other 2 daughters (7 and 3)

[@Petuacapturesit]

Please let us know how it goes.

[@TeachingSelfGovernment]

I love it! I hope you've been able to find what you need!

[@loberleitner1]

What a great family framework.

[@christinag.8832]

Very good formulas for appropriate behavior! Thanks be to God, my kids are pretty respectful, but I would have appreciated this advice 15 years ago when I needed it most! I'm definitely recommending your channel to all my friends!👍🏻😊

[@brandytipton176]

I absolutely love this

[@abigail4194]

Thank you for the excellent demonstration! Now i understand the steps better

[@yusyaidah]

Accepting a consequences [ ] Just now I gave you an instruction.. [ ] (Describe what's right & wrong) [ ] What you should hv done - keep a calm face voice & body -say ok & do task immediately -check back [ ] Since you choose not to do that, you earn an extra chore , ok? [ ] For your extra chore, i need you to ... [ ] What we are gonna do is, have you *do the extra chore* & check back. [ ] & then you will have the opportunity to do the original chore/instruction. *praise praise praise*

[@EM-fg3hm]

I learn so much from these role plays! Always open for more guys!

[@TeachingSelfGovernment]

I'm so glad! I'll keep that in mind. :)

[@thesacredgates3079]

@@TeachingSelfGovernment Haha! The role play has really helped your strategy stick in my mind to the point that last night I dreamed that my family took on 2 foster kids and I spoke your phrases to the young boy! For someone who is not the best at recalling phrases and has mainly relied on in the moment parenting [not good as you know] , the role playing videos are crucial! Thanks again for everything!

[@jennarose1832]

Thank God for you. ❤️❤️

[@stepfaniecoperude6769]

I have watched so many of your videos and love your strategy. I have ordered your book and children's books and am eagerly awaiting them. I have already started trying to implement your teachings, and this video was very helpful. Thank you for all that you do

[@TeachingSelfGovernment]

Wonderful! Look at you getting a head start! You're very welcome.

[@sharonlee902]

Very helpful. We really love the roleplaying

[@shadowprovesunshine]

Great job showing the different steps! Thank you Porter! 🌻

[@Sixdays_aweek]

I love this style of video bc my young kids can watch with me and learn.

[@sudakiyazi]

Thank you so much Nicollin for your videos. I listen to many of them but, I dont understand exactly what is the solution if the kids dont accept that ekstra choirs to do?

[@truthstation7802]

Wow! Everyone of these can apply to my eldest

[@TeachingSelfGovernment]

I'm glad we were able to hit the nail on the head!

[@charmainesteyn4979]

I want your books!!!

[@ananoud]

There was a point on the 2nd no answer role play where you disagreed slightly with your eyes. He was about to correct you on that point but you said something. What would you say to a child who does that since that is when you need to correct them

[@katethomas3315]

This is great! Also, question. Nicoleen is using a lot of words. What age range is appropriate for this type of correction or interaction? Is it the same format but less words for younger children?

[@TeachingSelfGovernment]

Great question! My daughter, Paije, uses most (if not all) of this exact same language with her daughter, who is almost 2. But she's been using it since her daughter was 16-18 months old with great success.

[@U_neekliss]

This is probably a silly question but do you go through these steps in public as well?

[@karenadamo5955]

Could you guide me to a video that discusses when children use disagreeing appropriately to wear down the parent?😀

[@TeachingSelfGovernment]

Great question! I don't know if we have a video for that specific issue, but I have a short answer for you. Something that many parents with talkative, smart children have done is to put a cap on how many times a child can disagree appropriately a day. I usually say 6 or so. This means that, when they ask to disagree appropriately, you can say, "Remember, you only have 6 opportunities to disagree appropriately today. Is this something you'd like to use one of your DA's on?" You can also say that they have 30 seconds - 1 minute to disagree appropriately and share their point of view, otherwise you'll have to give them a "no" answer about the amount of talking they're doing for the DA. If you choose to use any of these ideas, make sure you pre-teach your children ahead of time so that they know what's expected and what the outcomes will be. I hope this helps!

[@an6366]

Thank you both for the video. How do you advise the children to respond to others who did not receive this training, especially, when dealing with a worked up superior or teacher etc?

[@TeachingSelfGovernment]

I'd love to go into depth on this question! I can't here, but the short answer to your question is to help your children recognize instructions and "no" answers outside of the TSG language and scripts. Everyone gives them, they just don't usually label them as instructions and "no" answers. When teachers assign homework, that's an instruction. When something doesn't go the way your child wanted it to, that's a "no" answer. When a teacher/superior is worked up, teach your child to respect roles and remain calm, but to disagree appropriately if needed. The superior doesn't need to know the skills to respond to them.

[@aprilteachout6693]

How do you implement this with a child who is four and prone to tantrums and crying and getting dysregulated when he receives a no answer. How do I teach him to remain calm when he feels dysregulated on the inside?

[@revipassa3898]

Hi Nicholeen, I'm Revi from Indonesia. Been watching your videos and practicing the four basic skills in my household. It helps 😍 I also have been trying to access the Parenting Toolkit for many many times, almost everytime right after I finished watching your videos, but I never succed accessing it. It always says "the web page at blablabla (the link of the video) might be temporarily down or it may have moved permanently to a new web address" Do you think there's anything we can do to help me with that? Thanks so much

[@oursmalltribe5189]

🙋Me too!!

[@MinaBobo-cg9wg]

Can one buy the childrens book in swedish?

[@abigail4194]

You son is so cute:)

[@BlueLuna5]

I'm confused. Would you really give a consequence even if they said okay but didn't look at you? Or is it if they give a tude?

[@TeachingSelfGovernment]

It's important that they are able to follow all of the steps to the skill they are using. A lot of it has to do with the tone they use as well. When you first implement these skills, it helps to be very consistent and have low tolerances. So, yes, they should earn an extra chore for not following all of the steps. But that needs to be pre-taught ahead of time as well.

[@sward0606]

What if you have teens, and you want to start this? I have an older teen in the spectrum, and he DOESN'T keep calm about MOST things, much less say ok

[@TeachingSelfGovernment]

TOTALLY doable! We've had SO many families start this program BECAUSE of their teens who are out of control. They'll even bring their teens to trainings or have them do the online TSG Parenting Course with them. It's made a huge difference. Also, fun fact, but I did everything that I teach others about while doing treatment foster care with lots of success. So, it's definitely doable. :) teachingselfgovernment.com/tsg-parenting-course/ teachingselfgovernment.com/parenting-mastery/

[@IzzaGulitiwYu]

How to teach this to preschoolers?

[@shannahighsmith1179]

How do you begin to teach this with children who have others in close proximity that don't engage with respect, and lot of disrespect/hitting is happening.

[@grandmajens4920]

The requests I am getting are not reasonable. "Can I stay overnight at my boyfriend's tonight?" It is a great concept but teaching a 17 year old? Do you have videos more focused on that?

[@KaroAdC]

I really like it but I feel like the way of talking like that is so artificial 🤔 we speak French, I have a hard time to put that up together in French for my family …

[@TeachingSelfGovernment]

You bring up a point that others have presented to me as well. :) It sounds artificial because we're not used to having exact things to say in day-to-day situations that come up. Most people are taught that it's more normal to reactively and emotionally respond to situations instead of have something scripted. The script is there to keep you level-headed in an emotional situation, as well as lower anxiety levels of yourself and your children. When you know what you're going to say and your child knows exactly what you're going to say every time, they don't have to worry about you blowing up in their face or not knowing how to react. In a nutshell, that's why we have the scripts. It's not to sound robotic, but it's to help you stay calm and decrease anxiety.

[@KaroAdC]

got it! ⁠@@TeachingSelfGovernmentthank you

[@alcy0ne1]

Isn't the praise a little patronizing?

[@TeachingSelfGovernment]

I wouldn't say so. A child's behavior changes so much better and faster with praise for good behavior than with punishment for bad behavior. It only becomes patronizing if you use a tone of superiority with your child, which should never be the case. Your role in their life (as a parent) is to guide and teach. Praise helps to teach children what behavior is acceptable and expected.