Romcom tropes that are DEEPLY Problematic

[@Sushidogbat]

Honestly if I was in a love triangle I would quit. Like if a guy have trouble between choosing me or another girl why would I want to be with him.

[@stefanyalveslaurindo894]

Love triangle is just a cliché used to feed the ego of the protagonist and the reader.

[@braa6014]

one thing I’ll always hate is a love triangle!! that & cheating in a romance movie is a big no for me!

[@katherinarchives]

agree, even from first person perspective. if i ever get myself into a love triangle (unfortunately i think i may have) i'd rather choose neither cuz, like you said, my feelings for both parties are not 100% certain or even true (i'm pretty much just switching the subjects of your comment but i hope you get what i meant 😅)

[@thelying2594]

This and I wouldn't ever be after 2 guys. Like drama for what???

[@niaroseagreste]

And honestly I'm not fighting for a man like if a girl wants him that much she can have him.

[@kittyfreya9141]

Showed my boyfriend Bridget Jones. The whole time hes like "sexual harassment" "no jail". " Why is she smiling? "

[@hml25]

He's a keeper

[@kittyfreya9141]

@hml25 Yeah The Holiday went down as well. Why is she answering the door. Why is he asking to go in. No no. Okay you can leave now. Wait why is he not leaving 💀

[@AndrielleHillis]

My husband and I met in college. We had a history class together. I first suspected he liked me when he walked me all the way to the building where my next class was, even though his next class was in the opposite direction. And then, for the next few days, he would snag the only left-handed desk and then let me have it when I got there. And yes, we're both left-handed.

[@skotabrit]

❤

[@darklion2]

...left handed desk? What is a left handed desk? And since that exists I'm guessing there is a right handed desk? What's the difference?

[@SammyLammy1D]

​@darklion2 it is those small desks where it is usually connected to the chair on one side, right side most commonly, which is awkward for us left-handed people. But the left-handed desks have the desk part on the left side. Because I can't provide links in KZbin comments, I would suggest that you Google left-handed and right-handed desks or something along those lines, and look at the pictures. I feel like my explanation is not the best.

[@astelius]

I feel like that is what true love is, no creepy stuff and very sweet personal gestures

[@lilsels]

"it ended with a restraining order" 😭

[@ruriva4931]

When I see people talk toxic female love intresest “oh nobody would support this if the roles were reversed” I think it's crazy cause I swear romance is filled with toxic male leads

[@Ash_Wen-li]

Being very attractive excuses a lot of the poor behaviour male leads have in media

[@invisibleman4827]

People usually say that about blatantly abusive behaviour when it gets excused specifically because the person doing it is a woman.

[@matcha-mooon]

@@invisibleman4827 diverting from the point of the og comment. Lol. Men often end up causing more harm than many women combined. That's reality. But ofc, don't change your opinions and continue defending your gender like men always did.

[@clumsyninja925]

​@@invisibleman4827 Men's behavior gets excused constantly so that argument still doesn't work.

[@LilShawty.1451]

I love what you said about Grease! My friend had me watch it and I knew she loved it, and it really was a great movie; I just didn’t want to point out the fact that SANDY LITERALLY CHANGE WHO SHE WAS FOR THE GUY 😭

[@rftg1793]

Exactly!!!

[@ulizez89]

To be fair, the guy also changed who he was for the girl !!!! I know it's not the literal point, but the metaphor is more like you change yourself a little bit to accommodate your partner in relationship and the key is in finding the balance in it. But yeah, the literal reading is problematic.

[@Mary-Vintage]

Danny also tried changing for Sandy! He becomes a jock because he continued to do track! That’s why he’s shown wearing a letterman jacket right before Sandy’s entrance. It’s subtle, but it’s there!

[@Alex_Hue]

The story & the musical is actually a parody of West Side Story. It’s satire and you are not supposed to take any of it seriously!

[@GuhnomeArt]

When I watched it, my first reaction was ‘wtf :/‘ to that exactly

[@bilgil_]

So refreshing seeing a guy covering romance

[@sanikadixit9223]

no means no. not try harder.🥳 Louder for the people in the back

[@yourluckynumber7]

in highschool, i was in an irl love triangle. i was happy that he "chose me", then he just ended up emotionally cheating on me and breaking up with me like a week later for the other person 😕

[@MyraKhan-ex8db]

Actually in the hunger games it started with gale thinking that Katniss and peeta’s starcrossed lover thing was fake bc it was. But she actually fell in love with Peeta later. And in the beginning of catching fire Katniss was gonna run off with gale but then she got chucked in the games and realised how much she needs peeta.But then Peeta gets brainwashed and at first Katniss goes to gale because she thinks Peeta is against her rebellion but then she finds out he’s brain washed and tries to get him rescued but gale thinks it’s a stupid idea, and insults Peeta making Katniss feel horrible. And Katniss doesn’t even realise how much she loves Peeta, Finnick tells her .Then,When Katniss, gale and a few others infiltrate the capitol, gale goes on board with the idea of bombing an area which could lead to thousands of deaths, which takes Katniss by negative surprise. And in the end Katniss chose Peeta. Gale also played a role in her sisters death but it’s mainly explained in the epilogue of the last book. “I know this would’ve Happened anyway. That what I need to survive isn’t Gale’s fire, kindled with hatred and rage.I have plenty of fire myself. What I need is the dandelion is the spring. The bright yellow that means rebirth instead of destruction. The promise that life can go on, no matter how bad our losses. That it can be good again. And only Peeta can give me that”

[@elvieashton8889]

Yeah the ‘love triangle’ was more of a complicated relationship that was both strengthened and made more difficult from trauma, and Gale also just so happened to be there.

[@NightDreamer37]

It saddens me that we never see romances between married couples

[@PoppysPuppy]

The stalking kinda happened to me once. It was a year ago before my 14th birthday. Me and my family just moved to a new state and were looking for where to stay but no dice, so we stayed at an apartment place (Those places where you live in someone else's house while they're still there) so anyway. It was comfortable and they were nice except for one guy, he was...close and gave me a sense of unease and danger. Now I'm a kind of person that can spot a fake, genuine and evil smile from afar. He kept coming to me. Despite how creepy it was, I didn't think much of it, but he kept watching and following me. Mind you this guy is 27 years old and I was 13 at the time, so when the day came to move out, he asked my number to keep in touch and "have fun" I couldn't anymore so I vented to my mother and she assured me that I would never see him again and I never did. I was scary as fuck. I'm 15 now going to 16 but that moment is itched to my brain. It was not romantic at all!

[@uri4263]

You are still young so I want to ask of you, if something like this ever happens to you again, please talk about it with an adult you trust SOONER, please 🙏

[@PoppysPuppy]

​@@uri4263Yeah. I will I've learnt my lesson. I'm just glad it wasn't too late.

[@valeriebutt8683]

I'm so sorry this happened to you. This was a genuinely terrifying experience for anyone, much less a 13 year old to go through. I'm glad you told your mom and hope you always have her there in the future and know that even at 35, I go to my mom about situations that freak me out and there is zero shame in it. Much happiness in your future ❤

[@sleepy.timaeus.arts.]

@@uri4263 i second this!

[@sleepy.timaeus.arts.]

im glad youre ok in the end

[@someone4585]

"All I know about being good I learned from TV. And in TV, flawed characters are constantly showing people they care with these surprising grand gestures. And I think that part of me still believes that's what love is. But In real life, the big gestures isn't enough. You need to be consistent, you need to be dependably good. You can't just screw everything up, and take a boat out into the ocean to save your best friend, or solve a mystery, and fly to Kansas. You need to do it every day, which is so...hard." -Bojack Horseman

[@sushifinally]

anyone remember Stargirl? the book, not the movie. I appreciated how she tried the exact trope described (changing who you are for love), but remained self aware about how disconnected she felt. she quit the act eventually and went back to being herself; and she also doesn't even end up with the love interest (until the ambiguous open ending that hints at reconnection)! still a fantastic coming of age romance arc ngl

[@rinaaaswrld]

stop that book was acc a fever dream in my life 😭 but very inspiring for 12 yr old me tho

[@Muse_Rose-OT7]

Great job on explaining and using real-life scenarios, Brad! I agree with you, especially when you said, 'Movies create this controlled environment where we know the feelings are ultimately going to be reciprocated.' I also loved when you went into detail about consent, respect, and how these are more romantic! :)

[@jenniferanderson7010]

Changing who you are ... we should always strive to be better than we are. I do agree that a complete 180 for a partner is stupid, though. But, I also think that if you're with a pretty good match, strive for greatness. Are you bad about cleaning or cooking or something? Improve on it. Are you immature? Grow up. Are you rudely blunt rather than polite but straight forward? Temper yourself. There are a lot of ways to change without compromising morality.

[@saimashupti469]

I think it could be summed up in " You grow yourself & improve your character with the right person " But you don’t change your personality, that is your core essence.

[@NomNomGirl1]

You're so young you don't remember pre 911 airports. You definitely could get past security without a ticket in the 90s

[@ziaekaf3504]

persistent pursuit is uncomfortably common in bollywood movies.

[@Dragonmoon1598]

Appreciate the realistic interspection along with the fantastical romantic element. It's refreshing. Like you said, getting caught up in the fantasy for a short time is great. Just don't try to make it reality.😁

[@itsdripnovababy]

7:38 this reminds me of a time where I was playing a game, and some guy accidentally ran into me, knocking me over and busting my lip. He went back to apologize, and I of course never had anything against him, but I was in far too much pain and anxiety to ever fall head over heels for him.

[@ChickADeeJourney]

I’ve noticed a lot of these but I wanted to add that prior to 9/11 you actually could go up to the gate without a ticket at all. So in the 90s movies it made a lot more sense.

[@m.i.action8148]

I think How I Met Your Mother said it best. It’s the Dahmer Dobler theory

[@AlaskianTourist]

If the one you like doesn’t flirt back or show interest then let her be.

[@exploringgodscreation-]

One thing to note is when these movies were made you actually were allowed to go through the airport without a ticket. People used to wait and watch their loved ones board or get off the plane.

[@amandaredd3057]

Actually, Danny AND Sandy BOTH changed for eachother. It wasn't just Sandy. You're right, though. Changing yourself for a partner or asking or expecting someone else to change is never a good way to go

[@isabellearsenault8934]

We should not change who we are to be with the good person...the good person will love the real person we are. I still wish so. Thank you for this great video !

[@amandaredd3057]

Less people meet in person now, but it's still my preffered way. I can't get into online dating. No shade, it's just not for me. I met my late husband at a concert. My big relationship before him I met through mutual friends. Go figure! 😂

[@makennastanley]

this is single-handedly my favorite video i’ve ever seen! keep up the good work

[@MyraKhan-ex8db]

Tbh This is why I love better than the movies by lyn painter The whole point is that love isn’t always like in the movies

[@Zainab-vw2ij]

I know movies have hit me hard because when you finished your point on airports and the fine my very first thought was "unless the person is rich and doesn't mind spending that money for love" 😭

[@invisibleman4827]

There's a new trope in the real world that would fit in this list if it appeared on screen. Filming your partner's vulnerable moments and posting them on TikTok.

[@justwonder1404]

Bookstagram keeps showing me your reels where you look longingly in the camera so I kinda forgot you also have videos where you speak lol. I can't watch 10 Thing I Hate because I've learned from the spoilers that the guy hurt the girl after pursuing her and then *she* was the one to write a poem for *him* and read it in front of the class while CRYING?? Nah, that's just public humiliation at this point, sorry. Maybe I'm just old, but it doesn't feel romantic, it feels cruel. Can't quite agree with your take on The Hunger Games though, all three of them were severely damaged in the end, and Katniss wasn't even trying to juggle anyone, she was just surviving.

[@AM-uk7jv]

Movies and shows like this ruined dating for an entire generation. You’d have to actively unlearn all of this stuff.

[@somebody__.]

Cool video man! Really nice.

[@justClaya]

I love listening to your videos while at work. Great video as always 🤩

[@CosmicFilms-007]

I like these kind of videos your making :) very nice and calming,

[@radmartin_]

Thank you! Love making them

[@sashasingh4646]

My ex tried to change me in the end I am left with resentment.

[@isic71]

Love this, what are some rom coms that don't have tropes that are problematic?

[@JacobHill-b2d]

The whole guy chasing girl trope is a polarizing thing. Personally, if the woman feels safe and like her boundaries aren't completely bulldozered, I think it's fine. How else are you going to get into a relationship? That being said, ladies, don't ever let a guy use fear as a way to get past any of your boundaries. If you feel actual fear for your life, get help and run away. Even if the guy isn't actually a bad guy, you're still a separate human life with freewill. However, if you're a guy with little experience, just know that it's a game. Games don't promise relationships, and the more you play along, the more likely it's just going to repeat itself. 2:22 Is flattering...but it's creepy too....guys, if you just wanna make a girl feel good, but you don't really want a relationship either. This is exactly what you want to do...lol... she'll feel special, but she probably won't ever go near you. 3:29 I thought Gale was just stoic, therefore you don't see him showing his pain. 4:56 is good 👍 6:13 I think most people have different personalities depending upon their comfort and surroundings. I have a hard time being my adult self around family. I can be immature and crude with guys, and I can be goofy and filtered around kids. Everyone does these things. It's only problematic whenever the other person is forcing you to make the change. We're humans; not movie characters. 6:30 sadly is just the way it is... it's rare that two levelheaded people exist and truly go 50/50. Also, if it's completely systematic and forced, is it love? Or is it a forced commitment? Think about these things if you're looking to get married. 8:49 facts 9:19 I'd say if it doesn't cost money, why not? If it's expensive gift, it can make the person feel terrible whenever it's not mutual (unless they're a golddigger).... If it's just a public display/declaration, it'll ultimately be embarrassing if doesn't work out, but it at least the person still has their money. If you wanna be classy and low-key, you could write a letter. Public displays are really only good whenever you're confident/talented, and it's already a mutual desire. You can try to create a mutual desire from a public display, but that's unrealistic, and it's bond to be awkward. 10:50 If there's a problem in a relationship (that can be reprimanded), it's better to fight than to keep all your feelings in. Say you're married. Marriage is a safe space to let out emotions that are unacceptable to the rest of the world. Men shouldn't physically fight, but everything else is appropriate whenever it's fighting for a relationship; it's done in love. If you can peacefully argue, then that's fine too. Sometimes passion and love can cause fights. 13:46 facts

[@someone4585]

True but if she initially says no, and he still keeps going anyway that’s icky

[@gabychan7293]

I had lived a love triangle i Felt bad for the one i was not into (now the one i choose is my ex) now a days i met my boyfriend in a d&d game

[@gabychan7293]

Ps- english is my Second language im not Very good at it

[@thanoslover123]

honestly if there is a problematic troupe and the guy changes the girl gets mad and then later accepts i see no fault in it they DID show whatever wrong he did was wrong but he changed and apologized people make mistakes thats the realest thing noone is perfect

[@barnalibasu4543]

Is every change bad? Would we find it attractive if someone gave up on an addiction for you, or started staying cleaner or healthier or did everything to improve your lifestyle?

[@RII7E_ms.sunshine]

Those are obviously great. But what he is talking about is change in personality or interests. Like what he said about the movie Grese- the girl went from having a sweet innocent personality or full on baddie just for a guy, that is bad.

[@eily2038]

why do you look like broadway spongebob

[@jacksont9455]

Also, like, those grandeous adventures, usually provided by some guy who’s rich or magical. Like the magic carpet ride in Aladdin, the helicopter ride in 50 shades of grey, or the private jet in Crazy Rich Asians. Or even those commercials where couples guy each other and expensive luxury vehicle with a big bow on top. Maybe *some* people like that kind of stuff, but I feel like expensive dates/gifts that aren’t for birthdays or anniversaries or planned stuff come off as “too much”. If someone bought me huge lavish gifts and trips, I’d feel like they’re trying to buy me or buy my affection. If someone feels the need to just throw their wealth around to get me, then that’s actually kind of a turn-off

[@svetlanaandrasova6086]

I hate in rom coms that old time stereotype that guy has a lot of relationships and one night stands but girl doesnt do that and god forbid she finds a guy (another than the male lead) and the male lead is suddenly jealous. Like, til now you werent interested her and she wasnt making a fuzz you slept with many women,but she finds someone and its suddenly a problem? Have a couple of examples - Friends with kids & Life as we know it. Because its typical sexist old fashioned crap that woman is a w*re if she sleeps with a lot of people but a man can do it. And of course,girl in these movies always choses this promiscuited guy. I hate it.

[@awilson8521]

The "changing who you are" trope isn't always what you say. It's more like "he's discovered my true beauty" in some of these movies. It's not changing as much as bringing out what's already there (Grease not included).

[@celinavandenberg-j2v]

You should watch shoujo anime that has romance in it. Those shows execute the toxic tropes in a horrible way

[@JehnReads]

Nice vid!

[@VenxasFair]

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR DOING THIS VID ! 😂❤ Im calm now but seriously I saw so mannnyyyy show (english/asian....) when one person say no but the other keeps going (or in some case one person loves the others but the others insnt aware/doesnt love them yet because ofc like you said they will fall in love) One of the worst romance that I had to see was True Beauty like the ML stalk the FL when she had date (ofc the guy she was meeting had to be a bad guy who was only searching a beautiful face) but like the ML followed them into the movie theater and stoped them when he thought they were kissing like dude ????? How can u love this. I really love your content and u makes me want to write/start reading some books... ❤❤ thanks you for your content

[@rftg1793]

Yeah I get what you’re saying if the situation was different (meaning the guy wasn’t a creepy guy and way older than her) the ML would’ve looked as a nosey/stalker guy but I think in the show he was worried about her I mean that’s what I remember and I think she also pretended to be older 🤔(it’s been since I watched it so)

[@outspoken5808]

Only disagreement is that Love Actually and Friends were made before 9/11 so there was not TSA

[@emiliehoffmann21]

Nope, Love Actually is from 2003 and the specific Ross/Rachel situation is from the final season which was 2004 😊

[@kajson3133]

Oh my god, finally!!! That's why I usually don't watch live action, romance movies. They often have some unnecessary drama, big gestures (obviously in the name of love) or characters that are really toxic towards each other. Especially really annoying is guy chasing girl trope, cause in too many movies it looks like one-sided relationship or it is just toxic, because guy is too insistent and breaks the basic boundaries of relationship?? But SOMEHOW in the end girl forgets about it and everyone is happy XD I would love to watch some romance movies, if they were realistic, I reeally want to see the connection between characters that just feels REAL. No drama, just two silly people falling in love and caring about each other. Please share, if u know movies like that. I heard that Before the sunrise is good, so I hope I am going to like that one.

[@aishanibajaj4094]

Thank you for making this videoo

[@sashasingh4646]

I am just looking for old school communication. Putting down the phone to talk .

[@zxcvbnmzxcvbnm9254]

Thank so much needed that iam in a relationship and these movies I expect them to be a reality

[@srishtychoudhary6178]

I have been in a love triangle...and it was really Messy... eventually i got left all alone heartbroken while he is with his girl happily ig Idk what to do Fuck it ,this love really sucked. Edit: I wasn't also the most purest one there,I mean I did somewhat try to make him mine (unintentionally kr maybe intentionally).But after some time I realised that was wrong so i apologised to them. And ,as for now they are still together and I am by myself but this time I'm happy for them. Everything is at peace, atleast from my side

[@artbygilik]

You deserve better

[@obsessedwithDanielle]

I hope your better now

[@justarandomsquirrel]

omg i thought you were Ethan Slater for a second

[@beautifullyplain22]

Bro can someone please sympathize with my hatred of the Titanic “love” trope? Anyone? Strangers meet for two days, hit it off, get selfish, and their “love” got him killed Someone, anyone?

[@Spidermonkey43]

THANK YOU I’ve always thought that! They knew each other for a couple days and all of a sudden he “knows her” and “sees this spark in her” like buddy you might think you know her but when you get down to it you barely know her AT ALL. And then he dies for her, someone he met two days ago 😭

[@L.G.127]

I like movies where stuffs happens because it's just a movie, but over the years I have to agree that a lot of this can be normalize in real life (which one we all know)

[@heyheylistennow]

Damon and elena 😭plleeasee

[@Rattilovers89076]

Boq???

[@McKi-g6i]

NAHHH DOG NOT 10 THINGS I HATE ABOUT YOU😭😭

[@evildoesnotsleep-x2b]

how is this mind-blowing? you are correct in identifying and highlighting these, but every woman knows that.

[@francesscaena6822]

When I see takes on love from booktok girlies for example, I‘m not so sure they know…

[@Spidermonkey43]

Some booktok girls don’t know and romanticize terrible guys and very toxic tropes…

[@paradoxtatorstudios9681]

You ever see "dark romance?" That shit is _everywhere_ ...and a lot are bestsellers. There is a huge prevalence of people who have become desensitized to toxic romance ideals, because those ideals have become so normalized.

[@exploringgodscreation-]

Very true

[@ΕλληΦεαρινου]

Tbh I don't think it's so much about the "romantic pursuit" that went wrong (a bit too insisting/obsessive) part but the part that we are talking about fictional characters. F.chars can be moved around, do and act how ever the writer wants them to. If their creator wants them to be the best thing for each other, then so it will be. They lack the temper, will and disorders that rl people have, so the ending will be a 'happily ever after' and not a thriller or a true crime/horror story.

[@ΕλληΦεαρινου]

Or a slice of life of a desperate housewife that can hardly pass from the door frame because of the antlers..😅

[@Ariedits13]

7:20 5 minutes ago 😅

[@sue627]

No

[@asparagus3337]

Doh, dude just discovered fiction 😂

[@lauraidiomas9141]

SAY IT LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK

[@Saranda4787]

Stop saying that

[@sara1coco]

Nah people gotta stop complaining this is why new romcoms are so boring and un-entertaining like it's a story!!

[@brownie4493]

The movies are bad because they are often cash grabs, people should not stop calling out toxic behavior in movies.

[@sara1coco]

@brownie4493 Expecting characters to be perfect rather than having flaws is what makes new characters so dull.

[@brownie4493]

@@sara1coco you can have interesting characters without making them abusive

[@sara1coco]

@brownie4493 Girl no one saying the guy gotta be abusive? But like let him be. a playboy, running after the female lead, dick who melts down etc- this is what made romcomcs fun not a dull man being a loser with 0 character development or personality and having no agency on his own.

[@sara1coco]

@brownie4493 ngl I dont even remeber any abusive romcom male lead lol

[@szonja3339]

known you from insta! nice videos all the timeee