SHE'S GONE! | LABOUR | PARIS PALOMA

[@ASKSer79]

It’s not just a song about a man or one relationship, it’s about what it’s like to be a woman. This song is about what patriarchy does to women.

[@woodruff473]

Absolutely right!!

[@Ateenyyyyy]

YES! The song is about what WOMEN go through because of men when that guy on the left said it’s a “modernised version of what men go though” 6:32. No it’s not the song is about what women go through. I was like what lyrics are u hearing. Bruh men will be men

[@guidancethroughgaia]

​@Ateenyyyyy He was talking about a different song with that comment, but I agree that the commentary of Labour missed the mark.

[@angrydinosaur99]

This is the first video I watched from this channel. Disappointed that they don't get it...but its probably because it's hard to relate to/empathize with unless you are a woman who lives this story everyday.

[@classichorrorenthusiast]

I was abt to rip my hair out when they missed this (/hj) so tysm for saying this in the comments 😭

[@Cilibi]

“If we had a daughter I’d watch and could not save her” has made me sob on multiple occasions

[@Carolina-xr4zx]

I Always cry when it gets to that part

[@imjayhime]

That line _breaks_ me.

[@jacquelinecherry9914]

I feel your pain and I hope you heal beautifully in this world ❤

[@margaridaferreiradelima6045]

It's my favorite part. I always cry.

[@fatalrob0t]

This confuses me. My mom was the one who taught me that the only one who could protect me or save me was myself.

[@AliceI7764]

It isn't a stereotype, gentleman. I lived it for 25 years. This song is an indictment of the patriarchy and how it has damaged women. This is a reality that almost all women have had to contend with throughout time, including today. This song has become a battle cry for women all over America as our rights and freedoms are systematically being stripped away. If you are genuinely interested in what this song means, you should watch h the cacophony version of this song. When you do, stop the video to read what women all around the world have to say about their treatment at the hands of men.

[@TheMademoiselleMe]

I would love this comment pinned!!!

[@annieo554]

This is accurate af! Most women have gone through a version of this at one point of their lives I had an ex that refused to do the dishes and I was the only one working. Not to mention all the other shit men put us through but also its not just women in America remember its women all around the world.

[@therewillbecatswithgwenhwyfar]

100%

[@Amyduckie]

Thissss! They need to look up how many mothers have empty stockings on Christmas Day

[@rachelann9362]

I went through a few times to stop on the videos of other women to read their texts a while ago.. and man I cried so much. And recognized parts of my stories as well in them.

[@shaedgirrl99]

The line that hits the hardest for me is the "so he never lifts a finger", which could be taking care of the house and him, or so that he doesn't"lift a finger " and hurt her

[@MoonlitBookworm73]

Yes, this line has always made me think of the options!

[@KairiPrime]

So many lines in this song have double or more meanings. "the capillaries in my eyes are bursting" can be caused by physical strain...or beating. "if our love dies" can be either actual death or fleeing "you sure make me do a whole lot of labour" can be either physical work or having baby after baby "it's not an act of love if you make her" can be so many things from forcing her to work...to actual r*pe. Every time I listen to it, I pick up on more. So powerful.

[@P0oseidonn]

@@KairiPrimethe best is that caterpillars are a symbol of growth and change, each tear being her closer to her escape the caterpillar that cannot move much will turn into a butterfly that will fly away and leave

[@KairiPrime]

@@P0oseidonn Um...there is no mention of caterpillars in the song at all, I think you're confused. Capillaries are the tiny blood vessels that you can see in your eyeballs. They can burst under strain or physical trauma leaving you with blood spots in your eyes.

[@P0oseidonn]

@@KairiPrime I’m so stupid 😭 I’m still learning English and the capillaries got mistook with caterpillars 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

[@QuestionableLifeChoices]

"weaponize the false incompetence; it's dominance under a guise" he knew what he was doing, he just figured she wouldn't have the strength or self respect to leave

[@Ana-pp5oj]

Until she did ;)

[@Jess-y7c]

Until she did

[@miew8204]

This line breaks me to pieces every damn time....

[@kadee40]

So much this! My ex husband said he didn't know how to fix the toilet that kept running. I had just undergone major surgery, had 27 staples taken out of my belly 6 days before, and still had a drainage bag hanging out of my belly. Who fixed the toilet? Me. Of course.

[@QuestionableLifeChoices]

@@kadee40 Christ

[@cairothetiefling_]

"so that he never lifts a finger." is a double meaning. Never lifts a finger to help, but never lifts a finger to harm her.

[@thealmightybucket5930]

oh my god i just realized that

[@rachaelmontoya3364]

It’s actually 3 meanings. The third is so that he doesn’t point a finger, as in blame her.

[@Ana-pp5oj]

as per the singer herself it does not have that meaning only the "Never lifts a finger to do anything" read again: "so that he never lifts a finger." pay attention on the SO and what she says before that: all day, everyday, therapist, mother (to him), maide... servant, Just an appendage, live to attend him, SO that he does not have to do anything

[@bentley684]

I can clear that up for you, it's about him never doing anything to help clean the house or do the manual chores, I can say this with confidence because Paris is my neighbour and I've spoken to her about it. Hope that clears it up for you.

[@SaraSidwell]

It's crazy that I never thought of the latter, always the former and now I have even more of a perspective.

[@Zillah128]

Yay! I saw on her tiktok how she had taken recordings of hundreds of women screaming, chanting, singing, harmonizing, anything else you could think of and put them all together. I believe that's the part where ALL the layering is. It was originally a trend on tiktok as female rage and grew to be a couple others. I'm so glad you reacted to this because everytime I listen to it my body fills with chills.

[@britneyramsden-barlow3919]

She literally has a version called the Labour- the Cacophony. It includes all those womens voices on the track. It's incredible.

[@courtneym75]

The Cacophony is SO POWERFUL. I feel the rage of my maternal line, even if I'm not being treated the way they were. I feel the weight of 1000 generations hit me all at once

[@StaciAnneGrove]

⁠the Cacophany takes a powerful song and makes it a fucking anthem!!

[@jewelcavazos8064]

Yep it is the Cacophony version. She did a video off peoples posts to it too.

[@suziepetersen4608]

@@britneyramsden-barlow3919it is! I gets chills watching it in a good way

[@pippybibo1735]

It's not "back then". This is our lives TODAY. IN 20 fu

[@lisatrinity]

Yep....some abusers of ALL kinds bout to FAFO.

[@renlish]

The "capillaries in my eyes are bursting" doesn't mean she's crying. It means black eyes. The song is about violence, all the way through.

[@Jess-y7c]

As it should be if men treat women like that

[@vanguardiris3232]

I love the different meanings throughout this song. My first thought about that line was that it was to do with the physical exertion of childbirth, and then I thought it might be to do with having bloodshot eyes from a lack of rest. I hadn't considered black eyes but it totally makes sense

[@MagdaH97]

Also capillaries can burst while giving birth, so there is also that

[@Palafertiil]

​@@MagdaH97 I can't believe how I never caught that. I thought of them bursting from strenuous work, forgetting I had looked like I'd been hit by a Mack truck after delivering my son.

[@MagdaH97]

@@Palafertiil I mean I'm sure you had other things to think about concerning giving birth to your son than the fact that you had unexplained bruises around your eyes

[@breemartinez2701]

this song is very much a woman’s rage song and i LOVE it.

[@Jess-y7c]

Same Misogyny and Sexism have gotten so out of hand in 2024

[@animefangirl9006]

Same

[@little_pixie_nerd]

I once read somewhere that this song awakens the generational anger of women and I absolutely agree with that statement. I luckily have a very healthy relationship but this song makes me feel that anger. The double meaning of the „so that he never lifts a finger“ line hits me every single time I hear it. Great reaction, guys! ❤

[@shanajeangedeon9060]

Especially since that line has a double meaning; "never lifts a finger" also refers to not wanting to be hit as well as him doing no work😣

[@Pupsii_Cola]

I feel like people don’t talk about this either, but “it’s not an act of love if you make her,” really makes me think of sex too, and how a lot of men expect it in relationships solely because they’re in a relationship while do nothing to contribute

[@Raven84729]

@@Pupsii_Cola both op’s and your lines are present in my parent’s marriage. He demands to be babied as soon as he gets home because “I work” (40hrs a week like any other adult), for 13 years he was also physically abusive towards her (I was the one who actually stopped it) but more than once (probably even a dozen) in my late teen/adult years I woke up to my mom having a severe panic attack because my dad would just, wake her up like that. For reference she was an SA victim with a son from the SA, my dad knew this and even met and liked my brother. Some men are just downright disgusting, my father is one of them and since I’m an adult I tell him right to his face, he doesn’t see anything wrong with it because “every man back then did it” yeah but you married at 35, not 18 so you knew the times had changed

[@orihime2u913]

I agree, this and the "Siren" of Melanie Martinez awaken some primal generational irrational anger and betrayal in men

[@AvaBeeDee]

​​@@Raven84729 I hope you know that your mother likely had no good choices but staying... Shelters are not what people say, and everything is built to keep women from escaping

[@firefoxelle]

It's common to see/hear women's stories around things like Thanksgiving when it's all the men that watch the football while the women cook. And then after the meal, the men go and lounge on the couch because they're so full and sleepy and the women (who are also full and sleepy) will go and clean everything up and do the dishes. Once you start watching for these things, you'll notice more and more.

[@pinsandneedles3]

Yes!!! This often also goes for the children present. Girls are expected to help cook and set the table and do the dishes, boys can run around, play and relax. I remember starting to notice this in my family when I was around 10 years old. I would ask my mom and grandma why my brother and boy cousins weren't helping and they would just be confused like "why would they???" It's so sad and so, so frustrating.

[@thealmightybucket5930]

even just a family dinner. we invited some family to our house. i noticed that after a big meal i would get up to help my aunts and my mother clean up while my uncle lounged on the couch in our living room.

[@SomethingHereIsAbitFruity]

My grandfather (bless him) is the only man I’ve ever seen helping the women cook in the kitchen during Thanksgiving. The other men go straight to the living room to talk and watch tv until the food is ready.

[@thealmightybucket5930]

@@SomethingHereIsAbitFruity that's exactly what happens in my family, except my dad is the only one that helps

[@ginster458]

I think it is even worse with barbecues. The women buy everything, marinate and prepare meat, fix salads, side dishes, maybe even desserts, set the table, carry everything out, and clean everything afterwards, but then the man will pat them on the back and ask benevolently if it wasn’t nice they didn’t have to cook for once since he put the meat on the grill ans turned it a couple of times. Watched it too often. And I’m not saying these men are asses on purpose, it’s just really literally unseen labour.

[@starry_eyed_bonfire]

If anyone recognized the fruit, it’s a pomegranate. It’s commonly associated with fertility so it’s great imagery but it also reminds everyone of Hades & Persephone (depending on the version of the tale) and how Persephone went from a dutiful daughter to a strong and beautifully strong queen of the Underworld.

[@SweetestPain1991]

There are so many tiny things in this video. The candles for example too.

[@mackaylacook148]

Incredible

[@metalheadnerd]

It's also a symbol of how Hades tricked Persephone to stay in the Underworld.

[@Adara007]

If you take the most common version of the myth, Hades abducted Persephone and Paris Paloma eating the pomegranate symbolises a woman imbibing the wisdom from that experience and thereby growing powerful from it; she thereby becomes the 'queen of the underworld' as in the myths.

[@midnightsan9917]

Little known fun fact Persephone predates hades and has always been associated with death. To the point that her name literally means to cause death. The mycaneians feared her so much they didn't even say her name because they thought it might attract her attention.

[@tharzanne]

When my grandfather found out that i had plans to get a tattoo, he told me "no man will ever find you desireable" and rather than feel hurt, all i could think was how i wished that were true.

[@HaleyJo1992]

Paris Paloma's song "Last Woman on Earth." "I'll tattoo it just so they think it's ruined. 'Cause if they think it's ruined, it's easier to save."

[@tharzanne]

@@HaleyJo1992 exactly 💯

[@DrachenSkorpion86]

​@@HaleyJo1992This song came into my mind too, but the line "for the first time I drew breath Im undesireble again"

[@athenagrace1121]

Sorry to say but fish your grandpa and we girls and woman are not eye candy for men or anyone

[@UpperCaseX]

i heard that from my mom, and im male

[@dogteetharts971]

I don’t think men comprehend the full meaning of this song. This is about the labour all women go through. It’s for not only wife’s but daughters. From the day women are born we are forced to some kind of labour.

[@aaAAA--]

Exactly! When I saw the thumbnail, I was curious to see a man's(or men in this case) view and opinions on the lyrics. But was disappointed when most of the song's meaning and impact flew over their heads. No hate toward them or anything, I just wish they delved deeper into it, and thought more about their own lives and those around.. the song IS supposed to make you think after all

[@taylorjade6918]

​@@aaAAA-- Indeed why I clicked. Instead, it was talking about the video like it's not supposed to be introspective.

[@Kitti_B]

@@aaAAA-- Indeed, they didn't fully understand it. It's not about 50-50% share of household chores.

[@georgiaevans5613]

@@aaAAA-- I thought I was the only one that thought this the entire premise of the song and the meaning it felt like it went right over their head

[@chrysb81]

​​@@aaAAA-- There was a moment during the "all day every day" part where you could see it ALMOST click in their eyes and I thought, finally. When the song was over and the first thing they did was mention a song about modern MEN and what THEY go through and compared the two... It felt like literally watching the point fly over their heads and the disappointment was real.

[@vanilla6326]

It’s the generational trauma song!!! Also Paris is eating a pomegranate in the video, a fruit associated with femininity and Persephone, a goddess of both spring and death. Just a little bit of video storytelling there

[@KindredKaye]

I mentioned this in another comment- it’s also believed to be the fruit Eve ate in the garden of Eden (in Abrahamic traditions)

[@TeeBagGee]

It can be applied to actual child birth labor. 24/7 baby machine. Men making the rules about a woman's choice in this aspect. "You make me do too much labor"

[@paulina332]

It’s such a good song, there are so many lyrics with double meaning

[@RandomPerson-vf4tz]

Or baby machine as in, constant care and assistance for her husband, like you would for a child. Like shes a nanny for her own husband

[@subinitamazumder1307]

Labor itself has two meaning. Work and childbirth

[@belledear54]

It's not only "those times back then" she's talking about this day and age today also and everything that is going on now.

[@audiarcher2714]

What la funny is that women almost always immediately get this song. Ive dated men and women and every time I’ve dated a man I’ve ended up doing more household chores. When men get into a relationship statistically their household labor load decreases by 20% and women’s increases by 50%. And this is true even in situations where they both work, contribute financially equally AND even when she’s the soul breadwinner. a few terms to look into on this subject is invisible labor, weaponized incompetence, mental load. It’s that ‘hey honey can you grab some milk on your way home’ followed by a ‘where is the store?’ ‘What isle is it on’ ‘what kind of milk do you get?’

[@kristennelson3190]

God, yes. This.

[@mangacraz00]

One thing to notice to on the subject of only one person putting in the effort. You’ll notice she lights a candle when she sits down, while he never lights the one by him. So as you watch the candle by her gets shorter and shorter throughout the song, while the unlit one doesn’t change. And at the end when she leaves, her candle goes out. Leaving him alone, with his totally unlit candle. It’s could be interpreted as the amount of effort put into the relationship and labor needed to keep a household. She burned herself out while he never ‘lifted a finger’ or lit that candle to help.

[@Palafertiil]

I got chills! I need to rewatch it, because that's brilliant and I'm sorry I missed it!

[@SummerSun-sg3wf]

Best interpretation

[@jamiesilver7401]

As a woman this song just rings so true. I grew up watching the lyrics of this song play out with my own parents. My mother is a stay at home mom, and raised / is raising, myself and my three younger siblings. She did almost all the cooking and cleaning, took care of the kids, ran a successful small business for a few years, home schooled myself and my siblings, etc, and my dad still had the nerve to tell her she didn't contribute enough to the household and needed to get an outside job on top of all she was doing. Never mind the fact that our poor financial state was due to him not being able to keep a job longer than two years, making stupid business decisions, moving no less than 11 times, etc. Because the only family responsibility he wouldn't let my mother take was taking care of the finances, cause power and control and all that jazz.

[@vanguardiris3232]

I read that "the silence of the bedchamber" is an old-fashioned way to talk about miscarriage and infant death. It's a heck of a double meaning if so

[@kitskivich]

A silent bedchamber as I was taught to understand it means two people no longer have a connection.

[@requiem-girl]

I'm gonna nerd out about the lyrics a bit because so many of them have double or hidden meanings or are just well done in general. "The capillaries in my eyes are bursting". This is the first one that caught my attention, because one thing I can never get out of my head is the statistic that showed abusive men who strangled their partner were very likely to kill them at some point. There are very few scenarios in which capillaries burst, but getting strangled is one. It's a very strong start to the chorus, not many people catch it on a first listen, but it implies this extreme level of physical violence without outright saying it and sets the tone for the rest of the song. "For somebody I thought was my saviour, You sure make me do a whole lot of labour". This is just a line I love on a personal level. It's so devastating. The hope that is being lost here. It also symbolizes the unfortunate reality that many people who are in abusive relationships often get out only to get abused by their new partner too. "Labour" in itself can mean two things, as you pointed out. It's work, but it's also childbirth. With later lines like "24∕7, baby machine, So he can live out his picket fence dreams" it's clear that the double meaning is intentional. "Live to attend him, So that he never lifts a finger" is another double meaning. On one hand it means "Attend him so he never has to work", but it also means "Attend him so he never hits me". And just like the start of the chorus subtly hints at domestic violence, "It's not an act of love if you make her" hints at sexual violence as well. On the surface level it can stand for all the acts of care performed in a relationship, as you two discussed, but the placement of the line is intentional: When the chorus and bridge overlap it aligns with "And the silence haunts our bed chamber". Linking a forced "act of love" with the bedroom shows what the lyric is talking about. It's such a good song, and every single woman I've talked to about it says the same thing: It resonates. Deeply. Not everyone can relate to every single thing in the song, but everyone has at least one line that reflects their lived experience. For me personally "All day, every day, therapist, mother, maid" hits the closest to home. It's just a really good song with incredibly clever lyrics and an unfortunately very present and real message.

[@margaretconnor5623]

That capillaries in your eyes can also burst from giving birth. It's another double meaning lyric. The capillaries in her eyes are bursting, but is it from abuse or is it from childbirth? both could be true.

[@ashleyronquillo102]

@@margaretconnor5623 I believe it's abuse. The character doesn't have any children with him yet. Take note the tense used in "if we had a daughter, I'd watch and could not save her." Many women who are in relationships that are abusive before children purposely do everything they can NOT to get pregnant. (Were the village witches back in the day actually witches, or did they just know which herbs kept abused women from getting pregnant and the men didn't like that.)

[@Teajay21]

The savior line always makes me think of a young woman using marriage as a way of escaping an abusive father only to find the "savior" is just as bad.

[@pb95294]

Another one that I think doesn't get mentioned is "fetching water from the Rocky Mountain springs". A popular beer in America is Coors light and the have the Rocky Mountain on the can and say that it's best to drink when those mountains are blue. A great way to speak on the servitude of women with the bring me a beer moment that so many woman have had

[@idrabohm3678]

There's so much depth to this song and I love how it explores traditionally male vs female labor and what kind is (or is not) valued under capitalism. I feel like the line "for somebody I thought was my savior you sure make me do a whole lot of labor" also points to how people will say that the man is the "provider" because he comes home with the paycheck, but is she not providing when she uses her knowledge of shopping to get the healthiest foods at the best deals and goes out to do it, then comes home and cooks it all and cleans up after? She might not be getting paid, but without women's work the human race would almost immediately die out (and I'm not just talking about birthing and raising childen. I suppose technically you could eat out at every meal or eat raw veggies you dug up from the ground, but we would all quickly die of disease if we couldn't keep ourselves or our enviornment clean. Even if we did survive, the quality of life we had would be trash). Even so, this kind of work isn't given the same amount of respect. The allday, everyday part hits hard too. Men used to come home after work and relax without doing anything at all while the women would still have to work because she didn't get time off. It's honestly so wild to see old board games boxes or product advertisements where the husband and son are playing while the wife is in the background doing the dishes or mending clothing. And when men get older, they retire, but the women of my grandmother's generation were never given that option. They kept cleaning and cooking for their husbands till death, and then the husbands were left helpless because they hadn't done that kind of work a day in their lives.

[@llucaguilocordero2112]

So i’m new here, i’m at minute 6:25 and honestly, it is such a great pleasure to find two men that obviously love music that are such two green flags, and i can tell just by the way they were reacting to the lyrics and the emotional swinging of the song. To see them suffer with the same things that touched me abt this song and to see the emotion on their faces with the end, marvelous, such a simple pleasure, yet so fulfilling❤ this type of man gives me faith and hope abt human race😂❤

[@robinbrundage404]

I've lived this rage, it's women's generational rage and a scathing indictment of patriarchy.

[@tigerrlilystudios3525]

Please more Paris Paloma songs, this is the only major one that gets recognized but she has so many other good songs worth listening to

[@amberhoward7807]

Drywall is my favorite and I am excited to hear the new song she is about to drop as I have heard snip bits of it and it sounds good!

[@tachi4ever]

I have not stopped listening to Notre dame in like a week

[@maleineperle1770]

Last woman on earth is my fav

[@zalizoo0402]

"Your false incompetence, it's dominance under a guide" is absolutely one of my favourite lines in this song, and that's a tough decision, because this song is packed with bars.I enjoyed your reaction and analysis of this song!

[@andromedaspark2241]

Isn't she saying guise, not guide? Guise is a similar meaning to disguise.

[@taylorjade6918]

Guise, yes

[@ifeelnakey]

My husband actually sent me this song and said ‘I think you’d like this’ The man married a strong independent woman and loves her for it ❤❤

[@zararobnett8284]

“False incompetence is dominance in disguise” always hits hard.

[@hofemi23]

I also think the whole scene being in one room gives the feeling of being trapped in that situation. Kinda makes you feel a little claustrophobic. She finally broke free at the end.

[@magnum_cx8805]

Her song “Notredame” was one of my most played songs last year and for good reason. But this one, the lyrics hit so hard for so many people and women. Wives, girlfriends, mothers, daughters, sisters… there are so many people who are just casually expected to do so much more domestic work and emotional support and managing to little to no praise.

[@thatswhyshenamedmelady]

It's actually fascinating to watch two men react to this.

[@klaranordstrom595]

And deeply disappointing. Not only did the entire point fly over their heads, but they also just assumed that there was nothing they missed about as to why so many (women, I presume) had suggested this song. Like everything about women, our history, our lived experiences, our generational trauma, our systemic oppression is as invisible as our labor to men.

[@ticopv284]

@@klaranordstrom595 No self-respecting man is going to fall for the unnecessary drama that women tend to do.

[@EddieAneurysm36]

​@@ticopv284 Right cause women expected to be emotionally smarter than men because if they don't, no one will, and being told to be quiet is dramatic. Men literally kill women and then get blamed for being the "bad gender"? Small girls being sexualized simply because they have a female body is dramatic? Yeah my bad, gang, I'm just being dramatic but uh don't mind the millions of murder and SA cases.

[@joycedelguerso1907]

I'm a mom and I have a great and healthy relationship with my husband. Still, I find it funny that men in general think this is just about toxic relationships but things like that happen to us every day done by men we don't even know and didn't invite to our lives. Just so you know.

[@amandanickel977]

Thank you! That’s what I was trying to say about the reaction. They saw it as a singular relationship and the woman leaving. That is not the true meaning of the song at all. This song is about womanhood throughout all time. They tried, but they couldn’t apply it to their lives on the other side of this coin. I hope it sticks with them, so maybe they could start seeing how the dynamics truly are in their lives, not just their relationships, but the interactions of all people in their lives. The themes of this song translate even to the working world. How often do you see men asked to clean the break room, or organize the office parties, that kind of stuff. We are expected to perform these roles in every facet of our lives as women.

[@lacelucy]

‘So he never lifts a finger’ has 2 means- too much work and to not get beaten.

[@minimini550]

Actually three! Also an accusing/shaming/blaming/threatening pointed finger 🫵

[@somegodforsakenprospero]

There's a Cacophony version of this song, using a lot of voices from when it was trending on TikTok. I highly recommend that version, it's incredible.

[@sylvidoptera5100]

THIS! The song hits even harder when you see how many women are taken over by the emotions while they sing along.

[@StaciAnneGrove]

The Cacophony takes an amazing song and makes it an anthem!!

[@Dennden]

The live performances are chilling too

[@Frustrationcentral]

“It’s not an act of love if you make her” is the double entendres that lives in my head rent free

[@Efelfrith]

You can always trust men to commiserate the way things “were” in the “past”. Don’t let the setting and costuming fool you, fellas…

[@ivy3134]

This song is healing and also kinda F's me up. I'm 24 in September. My childhood got fucked when my parents separated when I was 11, and later divorced. I became "Mom". My siblings were 4 and 5 at the time, with one being autistic with significant developmental difficulties. She was in pull-ups and mostly nonverbal - she was mentally about 2 y/o, and faced a lot of challenges growing up. I'm autistic too, but can care for myself. The older I got the more ungrateful my dad got, and the more I saw why my mom left. "You make me do, too much labour"

[@Ana-pp5oj]

I hope you also left ❤

[@ApricateMe]

"This is an escape plan, carefully planned" is something I relate to having left an abusive marriage with my daughter. This song never fails to make me cry because I relate to it so severely.

[@kaylynlewis]

when i first heard the full song that was the first line to break me a little bit. the fact that so many of us need to form an escape plan to begin with.. the lyrics that follow "so let me go, and dive into the waves below" is symbolic to me about how when so many women finally manage to leave these relationships they have absolutely nothing. they've usually been isolated from friends and family, and have no financial backing, no support system, and some have children to take care of. but they'd rather dive into the waves, they'd rather have chaos and uncertainty and struggle, having to essentially rebuild their lives, than stay

[@Kitti_B]

To me it means women escape from the power of their fathers to live freely but they end up being the slave of their husbands.

[@kat1879]

Labor as in BOTH hard work and giving birth!! Also just popping this in here because i LOVE how it was included: capillaries burst when being strangled AND while giving birth it’s a double entendre like the title itself is

[@Magdalenasfears]

It's interesting as a woman watching men watch this thinking it's a servant or slave in the beginning, then realizing it's his wife. I never once considered that it could be anything but a relationship. I love seeing things from different perspectives, and when it clicked for you guys it was so cool

[@badwolfwhovian63]

This hits different with the overturning of Roe in America. 😢💔

[@MoonlitBookworm73]

Mhm

[@Anonymous-uw4sr]

Bruh.

[@crowleymccloud2768]

Definitely does not. Murder is wrong. Murdering unborn babies isn't and shouldn't be healcare or a form of contraception

[@EddieAneurysm36]

​@@crowleymccloud2768 What you're saying is that a fetus has more rights than a woman. It's not murder. Many people even have abortions because of things like miscarriages and other complications. It's not that hard to understand that it's not about "saving unborn babies" it's about keeping women from being in control of their own bodies. If it really were about taking care of children and babies, then you'd donate to foster care, fix the foster care system and you know, not abuse existing children? You aren't helping anyone. You're doing a disservice to women.

[@morganrobinson2436]

I can understand why this song has become such a mantra for women today. We are absolutely tired and have had it. you can kick a dog with me so long until it finally snaps. I love the beat and how it grows and builds to the final chorus where other women chime in. It’s very much like the decades and decades going by to finally culminate to where we are now with women’s rights and women’s autonomy.

[@TempestGamingVODS]

i think definitely the most heartbreaking part of this song is that you can hear what sounds like children singing along with her, because the scary truth of the world is that it doesn't matter how old you are. it is all women, whether the men (perpetrators or 'innocent') want to admit it or not. every woman you know, young and old, has a story.

[@georginaalbanis2859]

This is an anthem for all women who have experienced some form of gender inequality, and this kind of behavior from men! All women can relate to this song, because all women are expected to behave and act and dress a certain way from childhood. it’s about the patriarchy as a whole, forcing women to keep having babies, and being subservient and submissive to men, so that they can have a slave labor force in the future. The line, “It’s not an act of love if you make her” is so important! It’s about control of women and gender inequality! THAT IS what this song is about. She said so, herself.

[@rebeccad4098]

I have heard this song many times before but today I’m angry and overwhelmed at work and it was almost too much to hear. Choked back tears. It’s a true experience for women, especially as the fabric of the country crumbles and we can see a clear route to legal challenges of our rights as people.

[@akashijamoka]

Even us in healthy relationships know too many men who view as maids at the best, this song calls to every one

[@msj5492]

Take note of the candles too, she lights hers and it continues to burn but the candle next to the man is never lit and stays whole. At the end her candle has burned out as she disappears.

[@Zeilea]

the fruit is a pomegranate which is associated with fertility and basically is deemed a fruit that represents women. also if you look closely at the candle she lit earlier at the end it goes out because she was over the relationship and the guy had a candle as well that was tall and unlit as he was not putting any effort into the relationship and the girl was which is why it was small and way she lit it at the start, in all the music video is amazing and super creative with all the things that are used to represent something else.

[@tallieoverred7]

This song speaks to me on so many levels. Even though I have not been in an abusive relationship, i know so many of my friends who have.

[@musicnchocolate]

I was so excited when I saw that you guys reacted to this. I saw her in concert last year and it was one of the best nights of my life. That haunting/ Jolly sailor bold aspect of her voice is so captivating live. I would recommend listening to 'the fruits' and 'as good a reason' next. Or even 'yeti'.

[@animalunaris]

People are talking about the pomegranate representing Persephone as a strong female Queen of Hell, but also there’s the subtext that Persephone was actually abducted and r*ped by Hades. She didn’t consent to being made his Queen. She was given to Hades by her father without even asking her opinion, but Her Mother was so distraught she nearly destroyed the Earth trying to find (‘save’) her.

[@idrabohm3678]

Honestly, that's almost certainly the original intention of the story - that Persephone was kidnapped and forced to stay with her kidnapper - except people wouldn't have understood consent the way modern audiences do and the gods (as represenations of real phenomenon, in this case the sudden death of one's child who has been taken to the underworld and cannot return) are kind of meant to be huge jerks regardless. It's pretty normal for stories to be adapted as cultural values shift, so it's interesting how you can draw on either or both versions of the story to interpret the song.

[@StarPichu12]

@@idrabohm3678 its also really importnt to point out that in a few retellings, while Demeter did not want her daughter whom SHE cared for to go with Hades, Zeus as Persephone's father gave Hade's permission to take her, and was not going to tell Demeter what happened until it started effecting him!

[@pezlover1974]

There’s also the line “it’s not an act of love if you make her”. They’re obviously alluding to SA

[@rebeccaeddy7884]

"At least I've gotta try" KILLS me every single time. 😭

[@bentley684]

Paris is actually my next door neighbour, when she moved in I was very apologetic because I play the saxophone, little did I know. She is a wonderful young lady and the success she attains is well deserved.

[@CheshirePhrog]

Good luck with your sax and tell her i said thank you

[@vee7693]

2:53 how things are*!!!!

[@Softieeee]

the cacophony (the bridge with all of the background voices and layering) always gets to me and gives me chills because, to me at least, it sounds like there are children singing with her. that this treatment is passed down through so many generations and little girls being treated the same way both breaks my heart and fills it with rage

[@FreyaMeows]

You guys should react to Labour (the cacophony) and The fruits by Paris Paloma!! Those are my all time favorites.

[@MoonlitBookworm73]

Yes! Labour The Cacaphony is my favorite

[@Teajay21]

Yes the cacophony is just raw and stunning!

[@AlectoHawke]

I kind of interpreted it taking place only in that room as her feeling trapped and confined, unable to escape. Then at the end she was finally able to get out.

[@rimesfan11]

I’m in a happy and loving lesbian marriage now but in the past I’ve been with men and one thing in the song speaks to me the most . “Nymph then a virgin” is sooo real. We are so often pressured into sexual activities. If we don’t give in, we are told we are prudes, teases, fickle, or emotionally exploited (ex:” I feel like you don’t love me.” “I don’t think you are serious about this relationship.”) If we do give in we are called every name under the sun either from them bragging to people or towards us the second anything goes awry. So many of us get pressured into sending pics and them the first threat we get when they get mad is “I have these and I could send them to anyone you know.” This is not all men (and it is a few lesbians as well, anyone can be toxic). But it is more men than it should be.

[@Evija3000]

I had a completely random man call me a prude for reading a book in a buss stop instead of engaging in a conversation (I did give him short polite replies, then go back to reading). Like, what? He was also visibly older than me and we were the only people around. Needles to say I felt very uncomfortable.

[@rimesfan11]

@ some men are just truly clueless or just don’t care. But, how are we supposed to know which it is? I’ve had seemingly gentle, sweet men turn into verbally abusive, intimidating monsters the second they don’t get their way. If a woman seems weary, she’s weary for a reason.

[@Evija3000]

@@rimesfan11 Also am I not allowed to just read in peace? Why does he feel he owes my undivided attention and interest and anything else means I'm a prude. No middle ground. So weird and not the first time a man acted entitled like that.

[@lily-ellar7903]

The fact that you can hear the harmony of younger girls singing is so powerful.

[@Evelyn208]

One of the most impactful bridges of all time. It makes the song.

[@blackarosskir]

i thankfully never experienced this level of misogyny, some micro-agressions yes but not to this extent and this song still makes me bawl my eyes out... i'm not crying for myself but for all the women that this mistreatement is their reality still in this day and age, i cry for my mom and my grandma and every woman that don't even realize they were abused because they think "that's just how life is", it's so normalized it makes me sick... i cry for every woman that died by a hand of their boyfriend/husband, for stay at home moms that are not appreciated for keeping the household running, for working wives that do the same while working the same hours as the husband but while his shift ends when he gets home she has to work a "home shift" too... the sadness this song brings feels like an ancient thing, passed down by the generations and generations of women that have been mistreated by men, by society and sometimes even other women with internalized misogyny

[@thegothfolk]

I think the line about his "weaponized false incompetence" says it all. Love your faces through the whole thing because as ugly as the story is she's telling, it is a beautiful song with definite groove.❤

[@Cin_Was_Taken]

Chills every time their cacophony of voices kick in.

[@hyepsisierra1336]

This song is supposed to make YOU think: "how am I treating my partner? Am I being fair? Am I doing my part? Can I go BEYOND what what I THINK is my role?" This is not a "HE" song, is a YOU song, a "ME" song for all men to reflect on.

[@MagicalSauce]

AGREED👏

[@TheSolarSystemx]

This song is so so powerful to me, thank you so much for listening to it on the channel ❤

[@haleyslight]

It’s haunting because it’s life for millions of women’s lives. I’ve lived it too.

[@dancelep]

The part about weaponizing incompetence clears up the "does he not know?" question. SO MANY men are SHOCKED when their partner leaves. They were just fine with an acceptable level of unhappiness in their partner. They knew. They just thought it would go on & on that way.

[@centauriA1pha]

This song had me in angry tears. I played this for my mom and she felt that way too.

[@FairwishChanzeBreytenbach]

I've been WAITING for this reaction! I actually cried, because this song is so powerful and I can feel it bubbling up inside me every time I listen to it😭

[@Palafertiil]

A fun thing to pay attention to is the pomegranate she's eating. Not only could it represent blood, but the pomegranate is also a symbol of Persephone, wife of Hades. She's both the goddess of spring/fertility and Queen of the Underworld.

[@daascia]

This song makes me think of my Mother. She was Dad's servant. She did the chores, she did the shopping. Any money earned by her was the house's money, and any money he earned was his money. She couldn't go and do anything fun without him cussing and screaming. He forbid her from seeing her own family for years. He constantly threatened to kill her. And once she collapsed on the floor of our home and instead of calling an ambulance, (because he was the reason she collapsed and he didn't want to go to jail), my father called my sister and me who were small kids at the time to go wake her up. And of course we didn't know anything so all we could sit there and do was say, "Mommy wake up! Please wake up!" Dad threw water on her face and she didn't flinch and we thought she was going to die. She is currently fine, we finally convinced her to file for divorce this year. Hopefully it will be finalized soon. My Dad was a very bad man, and every time my brain starts to think, he's your father, you should forgive him. I listen to this song and just hate him all over again. Women are still treated like this so often. I'm lucky I've found a good man for myself and I told him from the beginning that if he gave me even a single sign of being abusive we would be done that second. I don't care if we've been dating a day or married 50 years. We'll be done. He never has and I doubt he ever will. But not many people find good ones and I'm so grateful I did.

[@cassandranicole7909]

ALL day EVERY day!!! 💜💜💜

[@sleepybatteriezzz]

Really good example of a song that brings out the generational rage of women. I get CHILLS every time I hear this song and feel the anger every time I see or hear horror stories from older women. Especially the ones who eventually offed their husbands and never remarried after they were free.

[@Nje_Dardane]

The cacophony version always makes me feel so emotional and cry, I’ve been listening to this song everyday since the release

[@xoxovickiwalkerxoxo]

This song always gives me goosebumps! Everywhere! On my scalp even!! 😮

[@yt_giulia]

This song is so beautiful it always gives me shivers

[@suziepetersen4608]

This song just gives me goosebumps! It should be the new anthem of 4b West.

[@CaitReynolds]

I was shaking when I heard this for the first time. It’s my lived experience. I escaped, but you can’t escape the scars, even if the memories fade and nightmares grow less frequent.

[@TahoeTela]

Thanks for taking this on. Many if not most men do not understand emotional labor and kinkeeping.

[@AmandaJewellsC]

I found this song over a year ago, love it! As always sending love to all from Memphis ❤

[@traechurch8657]

Heck yeah! Fellow Memphian here.

[@AmandaJewellsC]

@@traechurch8657 Gtsy! Stay safe!

[@marybeougher2953]

This is the first time I’ve heard the full thing. It’s great

[@lka9900]

This song awakens the rage of the feminine ancestors. The weight of expectation to play so many roles is exhausting.

[@oliviaknight1502]

I would recommend ‘The Fruits’ by her as well.

[@miekebreedon3750]

As someone who got out of a very long relationship where I was used like this everyday all day by my narcissist ex. (Not including the other types of abuse), this song really hit home when it came out. I cry almost every time I hear it. It really made me feel like someone understood everything I was putting up with, and eventually gave me the strength I needed to get out of that relationship. I’m currently with the most amazing guy who has not once made me feel awful. I love him to death.

[@Jumajaju811]

Your guy's reaction has me in tears. Made me subscribe. This song is incredible in so many ways, not just lyrically.

[@Sebambi]

I love her and this song. So glad you guys were so engrossed & enjoyed it. She's truly an artist.

[@charlseiwinters]

I’ve listened to this song hundreds of times, but still everytime I hear this version with all the other women chanting with her, I cry. All the hairs on my arms stand up. I get this overwhelming feeling. This song so perfectly encapsulates the subject.

[@skylarsuggs42]

This song gives me insane goose bumps every time I hear it. Beyond powerful

[@hailey7596]

I'm a happily married woman and a mother of three and I can almost feel the pain and trauma of all the women in my libe when listening to this song. Its so overwhelming. The weaponized incompetence line...my god. Then she hits you with that "if we had a dughter" bit and im instantly in tears.

[@nemarchepas]

This song is so heartbreaking and yet is an anthem. Makes me want to flip the table. 😅

[@Anniefawesome]

I have 8 siblings, I am second youngest and my mom worked for the phone company doing the exact same shift and job as my dad. She was 5'0 and did the same job, carried a 70 pound ladder and climbed telephone poles just like her male coworkers. And, she cooked my dad and us 9000 children a hot breakfast and dinner every day, except for saturday and sunday (she only made a hot dinner - please note my sarcasm at that). We are Mexican, so women being slaves is normalized. I knew that I did not want her life, she deserved so much better. She died of cancer three years ago, suffering in silence like every "good" housewife and mom. I remember in high school telling her, if she wanted to run away from all this, I would support her. Sadly, her mother went through the same thing, except her husband used to beat her. RIP mammita

[@laraibahmed3090]

Something incredibly satisfying, moving but also troubling in how much this song resonates with myself and practically tells the story of generations of women in my family. Every line was far too accurate!

[@demimels3571]

Little did she know that in November 2024 this would become the anthem of women worldwide

[@keenoled]

A song for every man who has ever said The Divorce Came Out Of Nowhere.

[@Mia-tw4cl]

This song is truly amazing. I did a Uni project based on this only when the teaser was out and not the full song, but it got me instantly hooked. For me the strongest line was "It's not an act of love if you make her."

[@StarStuffGal321]

Yay! Paris! She is so talented. Notre Dame!

[@betterthanrae8137]

"lifts a finger" is refering to work and physical violence. in case anyone wants to know. a lot kf paris' lyrics have multiple meanings. she is a great writer

[@gamergirl209]

I know this is such a feminine power ballad, but it is really interesting to hear how you guys brought up the idea that the men dont know that theyve been taught to be like this. Its a refreshing view to know it can help men reevaluate their own upbringing.

[@Boredddd.C3]

It isn’t about men- it’s about women and what women have to do and who we have to be that is why it mentions “therapist, mother, maid” and the word “virgin” and “servant” because women are expected to be servants to men and do lots of labour without getting any gratitude. Also the lyric “so he never lifts a finger” which highlights the ‘Warm Bath’ theory where men get the luxury after work to comw home and relax whereas women continue that labour 24/7