S2E7. gay and polyamorous.

[@freddieeskridge655]

This sounded more like a discussion on open relationships (or even a monogamous relationship) as opposed to a polyamorous one...but always down to watch any topic my crush is a part of.

[@damanyo7992]

Yes, there were a lot of thoughtful topics covered for any type of relationship. Really. I think an expanded conversation would be great!

[@WAYRAOutlate]

“The Ethical Slut” is a great book that discusses polyamorous relationships and polygamy. It focuses on consent and respect mainly and is a great read.

[@GeezerGuide]

Thanks for the book suggestion.

[@damanyo7992]

Thanks, I'm going to look for this title.

[@kjpgt1991]

This book years ago changed my whole perspective. Great body of work

[@jinmushui1soul]

And if you're craving some non-Eurocentric perspectives, look into Kim Tallbear.

[@SteveThePisces]

See that's the thing...sex and love are two very different things.

[@nobodyknowesme]

Being a gay male in the DC area. Most of the relationships here are open. I can testify that most of the open relationship couples that I know, do not work out long term. Although the relationships are open, someone in the relationship still steps out and breaks what ever agreement the couple has. I’m speaking from what I witness. These couples don’t normally last long term. Also being in a area like the DMV, where there is a big LGTB population, choices are readily available. This also causes problems, because even though other people are being invited to join couples in bed. It’s still not enough

[@dabigd1860]

@Michael Robinson Oh, I know of what you speak. I grew up in the DMV, but i live in Dallas Texas now. I...am just at a very cynical place when it comes to relationships between men. I don't think 2 men could ever be truly monogamous indefinitely. Maybe for a brief moment in time, but not forever. 2 straight people can barely do it. So how are 2 men, with men's natural s8x drive underlying the extreme weight of the conditioning of g4y men, who often react hypers8xually in response to trauma and depression going to remain monogamous indefinitely? Plus most g4y couples STILL aren't as financially intertwined as a married hetero couple with children. It's just damned near impossible in my eyes. I just think you have to accept reality. Doesn't mean you still can't enjoy camaraderie and loyalty as intimate friends or friends w/ benefits. I think the 2 men just need to be honest with themselves and with each other. For me, personally it's not even all about stepping out s8xually. I just have a limit with people and there will always be moments where i need to be alone and don't feel like being completely encumbered by a relationship or having to answer to or explain everything to someone.

[@Jozani77]

I'm not sure if it was me or not. I wasn't getting a lot of polyamory out of his discussion. This is a very open relationship type conversation. Polyamory is just like having more than one spouse or more than one mate that you have a connection of love and emotion with.

[@D3Taylor89]

I concur completely! It’s definitely given open relationship due the lack of setting boundaries n expectations earlier in the laying the foundation period.

[@jinmushui1soul]

There are lots of kinds of non-monogamy. Including non-couple or nuclear family centered relationship styles. I think he's talking about his practice of non-monogamy and polyamory, and of course that won't apply to everyone. I find the policing around the specific term "polyamory".

[@marctee12]

jealousy is the reason I’m not even willing to have a threesome . but Glad to see that he and his partner communicate on a level that they can get past that .

[@beneastwatervlogs7208]

AND THATS OK NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT YET EVERYONE TRIES TO MAKE US FEEL BAD

[@derickmls14]

Yeah same lol I’m not tryna catch no charges. Me and my mans don’t play that 😂

[@JamalTateIsTheGreatest]

Wow…. This video was eye opening. It helps broaden my view on poly relationships. I say I can’t do it but I’m sure that’s based in me pretty much being single since 2010… with a partner after being together for a while we could talk about it once we are fully locked in knowing each other. I have a lot of love to give and being able to spread it out could be amazing!!!

[@menobles]

Key to any relationship is open and honest relationship.

[@palloae]

like other comments said, this video feels more like it’s about open relationships rather than polyamory, but yeah.. for the people who love to say “i haven’t seen a poly relationship last long term,” “poly relationships are unhealthy,” “poly relationships are for ppl with commitment issues,” just stop lol. Like I’m struggling to think of even 1 monogamous relationship i’ve seen in my own life that has lasted and is still going strong. But just because I haven’t seen it doesn’t mean I don’t believe monogamous relationships ever last. I also want to question why we think relationships lasting forever is the only measure for a successful relationship? I think there can be successful and healthy relationships that last only as long as you need them to. Maybe you had a relationship that added something good to your life when you needed it, but in your next chapter it only holds you back. Healthy breakups exist. I personally have always felt, even as a kid, that being tied to just one person for the rest of my life sounds restrictive and unappealing. I find many people attractive, we all do, so why would i limit my romantic experiences to just one of them? Like in many other aspects of my life, I never feel or never want to feel like I have to ‘pick one’. think one of the most important things us poly people understand is that you most likely aren’t going to find *everything* you’re looking for in just one person. If you’re monogamous, you have to be okay with that. Personally, I like the idea of having relationships with multiple people who each bring something unique to my life.

[@dabigd1860]

@Palloae I agree with your unique perspective. Personally, i am starting to see a lot of hypocrisy in today's g4y community. I mean, so many just rail against cisgender ideals, behaviors and images YET still try to model them. When I was a young man, i always thought that being a g4y man implied an accelerated level of freedom and independence in everything that you do. That was the joy and beauty of it. I also knew that since i was physically and romantically attracted to another male, children were out of the equation as me and this other man can't make a baby. And while so many g4y men, nowadays, rail against cisgender men and those with a preference for cisgender or traditionally masculine behaving, looking, dressing men (i.e. masc4masc) they themselves behave like and model themselves after a cisgender female and never really take up wuth another femme, fat, flamboyant male ...like they often are, but instead pursue masculine men themselves or some woman's husband or boyfriend. 🤷🏽‍♂️🤷🏽‍♂️

[@billybatson3810]

I will say this was a very mature conversation. Thank you Obio and Mike.

[@AchillesandArtemis]

I've been in a "throuple" for like 6 months and it was very teaching. I learned a lot about a lot of things. Including myself. Like the jealousy part. It exposes you to your insecurities and help you understand why you feel like that, and you might get out the other side a more secure and confident person. So that's a positive thing I took out of it. But it wasn't the best experience.. I had to get out so I broke off with them. But I got back with the person that I was with when we added the 3rd person. Just the 3rd is gone now. lol

[@mauhuff]

I’m 25 and only interested in being in a monogamous relationship/marriage. Ieally with another Black man at that. I’m not settling. It’s all or nothing. He has to be faithful too. And I want children too. No we’re not bringing other men into the bedroom. No std’s. None of that. I want a traditional, stable ass, HEALTHY family unit. And if that isn’t in the plans, I’ll just keep working hard to have an amazing career and a beautiful home with lots of money. Pets, plants, good friends etc. I’ll even adopt a Black baby too. ❤️

[@pasadena19]

Same here 🙌🏾💯

[@mauhuff]

@@pasadena19 ❤️

[@nathanielking8538]

Great convo, as usual. Needed to hear this. Thank you Obio and Mike!

[@grayscar05]

Poly relationships are for people with serious commitment issues. I haven't seen any functional and healthy poly relationships ... it's too much confusion, feelings, and energies involved. 2 ppl is "difficult" enough

[@EP-nk5wm]

Not the case for everyone. Mine is very functional. I have my reasons and they have nothing to do with commitment issues. Poly ain’t for everybody, neither is monogamy. That shits foreign to me. I think it’s very challenging for one person to manage every aspect of what it takes to maintain a successful healthy monogamous relationship. It’s easier when u can share that responsibility. Plus I don’t think men are designed to be limited to one partner for a lifetime, that’s why mf’s cheat all the time. Just my experience. I respect your perspective.

[@humbled92_Mister]

@@EP-nk5wm agreed!

[@pasadena19]

@@EP-nk5wm just because something goes against your natural biological urges doesn’t make it a bad thing, example just because your hungry you don’t walk up and take food off somebody’s plate and eat it, just because you need to use the restroom don’t mean pull down pants and defecate on the floor in the middle of the restaurant or workplace, just because you feel a little frisky don’t mean you walk up to a stranger and inappropriately touch them. Hey some people say men and men aren’t designed to be together too, but I here you.

[@gluebox]

Almost like I’m only able to commit to ONE of my four children bc hey! To commit to more than one relationship is just WRONG! Better tell my boss I can only commit to one task. Hmm I better trim down my goals for the year to just ONE. Just because YOU can not manage multiple people on your life doesn’t mean others can not are are not😂 what makes it confusing? That alone tells me you don’t know even the first step to this type relating . Others are not confused and we are managing quite successfully

[@ohleauxo]

This has been my favorite episode thus far 🙌🏾💯 please consider having this individual return again for another taping.

[@Zilli83]

I've heard a lot of people define “poly” through the years. This discussion was very eye opening and many points can be used towards relationships in general and I appreciate the honesty. The good ,the interesting, and the hard truths. It comes down to maturity and honestly.. Love your page

[@mrfunky1768]

I remember being introduced into this life couple style way black w/l was 19 yo and l was being groomed o be the 3rd of 4 ppl. it was 1979 and l was like way over my head and it went against every dan thing l felt about relationships and dating. It triggered my competitive side and l got stuck there , and so it ended and l had to get my self respect back...

[@rdb9321]

The verbal and mental acrobatics to explain this bullshit is unreal

[@matts1392]

I appreciate Michael's insights on poly life. I definitely agree that poly is different for everyone. For me, I look at poly as a subset of non-monogamy. For me, whereas poly refers more to romantic relationships (with or without sexual activity), non-monogamy is more broad, and encompasses not only poly but also open relationships/friends with benefits/f*ck buddy type relationships as well. I think of non-monogamy and monogamy as orientations, similar to sexuality and sexual/gender expression, wherein you're hard wired that way, it's not a choice. I'm currently single but identify as non-monogamous. Like Michael, I would prefer to disclose as non-monogamous from the very beginning of a relationship because I don't want to hurt potential partners, and want them to know up front what we're getting into. For me , I have generally always avoided relationships because, as a bi man, I didn't want to give up a part of my sexuality. But I think I also avoided them because I don't want to feel tied down or trapped, which I think is probably an artifact of a non-monogamous orientation. I think I also avoid relationships on a deeper level because anxiety and self-consciousness but that's a whole other issue to unpack. Regarding the discussion of jealousy, I agree with Michael that communication is an important element to overcoming it. I think admitting that you're feeling envious or jealous is an important element in itself. But, for me, I think the core element of overcoming envy and jealousy has to do with objectification. I don't own my partner. They are their own person and they get to have feelings and agency. If I try to exert some form of control over them, I'm objectifying them, literally making them into an object or a possession. Remembering that always helps me overcome envy and jealousy. I agree that insecurities play a role there though. If I feel good about myself and feel good about the effort and feeling I put toward my partner, then I shouldn't worry that someone else is going to take them away from me. Instead, I should be happy that they are fulfilled and enjoying their life, even if I am not the sole provider of that fulfillment. Frankly, I think that's somewhat freeing. I think the perception that a partner should be everything that you need to be fulfilled creates a crazy amount of pressure and an ideal that's difficult, if not impossible, to live up to. I would rather focus on the ways that we fulfill each other as partners, and not stand in the way of others fulfilling my partner's needs that I cannot provide. Love, to me, is not a finite resource. I think non-monogamy helps practitioners to remember that you can't get complacent. Relationships take work and maintenance, and multiple relationships through non-monogamy exacerbate that. But it's not exclusive to non-monogamy by any means. I think a lot of monogamous relationships sour or become stale over time because one or both partners become complacent. There is no competition for a partner's affection so they begin to take it for granted. And that leads to stagnation. Anyway, thank you. Insightful talk.

[@emmru7073]

WOW WOW WOW!

[@kjpgt1991]

I totally agree and being in an open relationship, this commentary hitting the nail on the head. My 6th anniversary is today so I guess never say never. I love it here

[@EP-nk5wm]

1000% agree. I get side eyed all the time for feeling this way. Doesn’t bother me one bit.

[@wonathancopeland9069]

Wonderful conversation. I love to hear and see men of color opening up to other experiences. Discussing being sexual. Loving each other.

[@gembell5493]

I mean…just be single. I care about the people I sleep with deeply. Even if it’s more than one, but I’m only committing myself and my being to one person. Building a life with one person is hard enough. Not even mentioning the financial aspect of it all…

[@gluebox]

Isn’t it interesting how you’re so clear that you’re only committing yourself to one person?! Wow ! Others who are clear that they desire to and can commit to more than one person is also a viable relationship style! Imagine that! Why not be single? Because he doesn’t want that! 😂 why is that SO HARD to digest?

[@guyyscotty]

THATS MY FRIEND YALL, MIKKEEEEEEE

[@damanyo7992]

Yes, there were a lot of thoughtful topics covered for any type of relationship. Really. I think an expanded conversation would be great! Possible topics: - figuring out who you are and how to communicate that. - figuring out what type of relationship you want to have and how to communicate that. - developing and negotiating core relationship values. Obio - you may need to look into a Nebula presence, I love to hear Mike's non PG-13. Thoughts!

[@alexwilliam8344]

Polyamory doesn't provide the stability needed to build a long term relationship with your partner especially if you want to have kids at some point plus it's messy and complicated as fuck. Keep it simple and exclusive with one person.

[@remyfacade]

That's not entirely true. You have to be really on board with it and not just doing it because you want to please your partner. In monogamous relationships there are rules that need to be followed polyamorous has those same rules.

[@alexwilliam8344]

@@remyfacade You don't seem to understand my argument

[@remyfacade]

@@alexwilliam8344 it's possible but it seemed pretty clear. I've been in two poly relationships that were better than the "exclusive" ones and my sister was in one that was horrible. The difference was I knew what I was doing were as she nor her husband did not.

[@alexwilliam8344]

@@remyfacade Touché..glad it worked out for you.

[@gluebox]

Lol sure it does! Human beings began in such communities where EVERYONE was a mother and father and men and women related openly with one another sexually. If you feel it’s messy it’s just because you lack the tools to support the relationship but don’t blame the relationship structure itself. On another note most exclusive units with children struggle to show up for their children because the nuclear family isn’t sustainable. Adults are BURNT OUT.

[@rondvue2129]

There IS a way - the takeaway: Respectful Effective Communication

[@blessedhonored3363]

I loved this , everything about it.

[@oldasrocks9121]

Being cheated on is the worst and it always requires at least one of two to sneak around.

[@sawcsam1019]

Very insightful, i resonate with this!

[@kadavila]

It ain't for everybody chyle

[@xamanbro826]

My advice…keep it closed and monogamous. If that sounds close minded, then so it is. Being poly or open is indirectly telling your partner that they are not enough. You will not get everything you want in any relationship-opening it up will not satisfy you either.

[@gluebox]

No one human being will EVER be everything! That’s a lie we like to believe and many find out the hard way when they find themselves forcing their partner to show up a certain way and many things in relationship becomes obligatory rather than out of love. Or when someone “cheats” 😂 That’s the beginning of a downwards spiral. Additionally there isn’t any indirect telling a partner anything. You open your mouth and communicate where you’re at what you’re needing and how to get it met. If your partner is unable or unwilling then you move on to discuss the HOW and vice versus. Maybe it’s you who your partner is needing abc and you can’t give it! We have to be realistic if we are going to be honest but let’s not pretend it’s a perfect world in a closed relationship. Cheating is a DIRECT result of the inability and unwillingness of people to speak up when they realize ….ah! My partner can not be ALL and everything in the world or vice versus but I can’t share my feelings because he will leave blame shame castigate me ect. Instead of open and honest relations we prefer the fake “oh I’m monogamous “ meanwhile such relations have a high rate of infidelity, lying and cheating

[@Jack_Black536]

Another great conversation that leaves me thinking. 🤔

[@SimplyTomasTheCollection]

Like what is the point of marriage if…this ????

[@gluebox]

What is marriage to you? A unit where your spouse is obliged to fill your every need? When you reach year ten you can come back to this question and see if that’s working for you as a human being

[@aok6694]

As usual, the content was nice and the conversation is needed. I have one concern, however. At what point does the polyamory stop? That is, does the person entering the relationship have the privilege of bringing someone else into it? And, if that happens, does the new person have the same privilege? I can see this running amuck and leaving a lot of people regretting that this happened. Just for clarity, I am a conservative, but hip (LOL) og just making a comment and asking a question. So, hopefully someone will respond.

[@awckid3]

What's the difference between polyamory and polygamy? Just asking.

[@rljoseph8575]

Polyamory is having multiple partners, and polygamy is having multiple spouses/marriages. In America, no one can technically be polygamous because you can only be married to one person at a time.

[@gluebox]

Polyamory = the love of many (not specific to any gender or sexuality) Polygamy = one man married to multiple women Polyandry= one woman married to multiple men

[@lovermuzak]

This was a nice video. WIll tune in for more.

[@rtmx5mtr]

This’s all about sexual gratification, it adds no value to the relationship, open relationships don’t last, when ppl do these open relationships, their main intention is to keep the spark in a relationship, but unfortunately it does the opposite. Open relationships are just an organized mess that looks pretty on the outside. Just commit yourself to one person it’s peaceful and easy to manage unlike these open relationships with lots of empty promises. Let’s not be controlled by flash but by true love, it is possible to be with one person forever in your life and still be happy to

[@darryldc4life927]

I enjoy that. Thanks 😊

[@ferre77]

I get how it can work. But I see it as being sexually and emotionally greedy. Especially if you were promiscuous or non monogamous prior to you original relationship. Some people aren’t meant to be in a relationship and should just stay single. I could imagine getting married only to continue to want more from someone else too.

[@jodie8]

I never knew gay men were so conservative on their views.

[@JoeCola]

Gay people have morals and principles too contrary to popular belief!

[@imhim_samuelfromthe_o]

I wanna be in the crevices of obio’s arms..

[@jeremiah_kirkland]

🔥🔥🔥🔥

[@likejagger7]

Interesting. Learned alot

[@XxXTentacio-t8d]

It's just an excuse to have your cake and eat it to. Won't last cause there is no real commitment. Being a player and having a main person and side person is nothing new. All parties are never complicit. Verry immature to be in a polyamorous relationship cause all you are doing is playing yourself.

[@palloae]

ignorant lol

[@aviewer2871]

Good point. If one prefers to have multiple partners, then just don't make any type of commitment to ONE person. Stay single. The other thing is many people might have undiagnosed STDs and having multiples partners increases the CHANCE of contracting one and bringing it home to a partner. Funny, none of the people commenting MENTION this, or are not even thinking about it.

[@pasadena19]

Facts💯👌🏾

[@gluebox]

Hmmm almost like how most people in monogamous relationships lie and cheat because god forbid they express any desire other than for one person. God forbid human beings acknowledge their desires! Oh wait you mean you can’t turn off your desires when you’re in a monogamous relationship like a robot?! Dayum! That must be some serious suffering.. but wait you can’t be honest and share how you feel bc then it’s over! 😂 better cheat and lie instead 🤣🤣🤣

[@aviewer2871]

@@gluebox Monogamy is for people who have Made a Decision about being with one person after seeing what other options are in the world. It is Making a decision that one can see oneself with one person for a very Long Time. Relationships are not all about SEX, All the Time. They are about functioning as a Unit, Together, and weathering Many DOWN times. If that does not sound like an Attractive option, just stay single. When you are grown and single you answer to NO ONE. If that is a preferred option , then there is nothing wrong with that.

[@TheOmniGroupVideos]

My only problem with this is the constant discussing of a partner/another person as a possession and then non-humanterms---It and That. We SHARE our sexuality with other people, even those we're in relationships with. It's not "theirs". Unfortunately too many people of color don't really investigate how slavery impacted our sexual perceptions of self and others. Oh, and that constant "lifestyle" bs. How come it can't be biological, genetic, human, identity. Lifestyle sounds like something you do every decade in a new outfit and lacks legitimacy. People of color self-delegitimize themselves and their lives and then complain that Black lives don't matter.

[@wjjrwjj]

Who is his husband

[@ceasarcarcus391]

family show?

[@bookertable]

Great conversation 😘

[@eyesanomatseyin7337]

Great episode. Very insightful! @obio can you bring a cishet straight black man to the hot seat ?

[@CorryOwensJr]

Very interesting!

[@MathewRyan111]

yes. wear those hoochie daddy shorts, baby! (actually they look a little too long! fix that!)

[@paulmiller6647]

Great video.

[@ciel222]

GREAT VIDEO 😊👏👏

[@brandonjackson756]

Polyamory is rooted in greed and narcisscism. It is the inability to just have one person because you beleive that you are so great that you should have whichever one and as many as you want. Period.

[@humbled92_Mister]

But why is it a problem to want more than one partner? Monogamy is not for everybody. If people would be more accepting that some people are polyamorous, people would be more open and stop creeping on the low

[@gluebox]

Dayum! Sounds straight bitter. Is it you can’t even find ONE person? We’re taking up all the potential partners?!

[@brandonjackson756]

@@gluebox Now would I be bitter about the heightened probability of catching and STD.

[@pworld119]

Shit more than half of the gay community still trying find a relationship to be in we ain’t got time to be trying new things

[@damanyo7992]

Yes, there were a lot of thoughtful topics covered for any type of relationship. Really. I think an expanded conversation would be great!

[@pworld119]

@@damanyo7992 not really for the people that actually wanting to keep the monogamy thing going

[@LifeOnCoach]

✌🏾

[@elitelokkz]

🤔

[@wjjrwjj]

He can tell not sexually

[@bskeete]

Monogamy is not natural for the human male....we need to start there and be honest about that and except that. This does not mean you cannot be monogamous. The takeaway is an open conversation between you and your spouse and understand people change along the way. The only constant in life is change.

[@tennisstar2011]

Monogamy isn’t natural for mammals in general (male or female). I’ve been seeing an influx of men spreading that false information to push a narrative and I wish y’all would stop.

[@palloae]

take male out

[@stews5404]

why is it unnatural for men and not women? Let's start there.

[@gembell5493]

That’s another excuse. I’ve very much NATURALLY only wanted to be with one man my entire life. Love for me is tunnel vision

[@mauhuff]

Not true at ALL for me. When I fall in love I get tunnel vision and I value monogamy. The key is finding the RIGHT person.

[@amadou.oury.diallo]

This was a great discussion. I love the person’s (I am not sure what their pronouns are) take on this topic. It’s very refreshing because so have never heard someone discuss polyamory in this way before. Thank you for another great and insightful discussion. 🤎

[@damanyo7992]

Yes, there were a lot of thoughtful topics covered for any type of relationship. Really. I think an expanded conversation would be great!

[@Almightykye]

If there was ever a reason to be homophobic (and there really isn’t) 🥲 then this would be it. I would hate to have to share all the time, effort, and support I put into a love interest just to be chosen one day. It kinda defeats the point of a relationship. Love the content but this topic is kinda sour to me.