S2E10. top, bottom, vers?

[@liljay0687]

Guys who do this… I wanna act like we home boys and not discuss anything and just “figure it out” are toxic. There is nothing wrong with discussing positions, communication is key to all relationships. Me asking if you prefer to top or bottom should not be a disqualifying factor for getting to know you. It’s weird to not discuss, guys do this secret ish gotta stop it.

[@mauricenowlin7568]

Facts

[@willarroz6703]

Has to stop … that’s right

[@can_you_guess_my_new_username]

Omg... this makes me remember a time when we were discussing conflict in my College Communications class. So, the Professor asked this girl if she had a good example of conflict and communication. She says "yes, my best friend is a bottom and has been dating a guy who is a bottom too. Neither of them knew it because they didn't talk about it until recently. My friend really likes this guy and he doesn't know what will happen now. I don't know if they can work this one out. I hope so lollll Only in Atlanta!!!!!

[@williebush5616]

Yes agreed. Sounded childish to me the method of "flirting" that just sounded like being sexually immature. Don't have to pigeonhole someone to one thing but also don't have to beat around the bush.

[@Joshua-re3xw]

True but a lot of guys find it annoying if you ask them that in the first 2 minutes of a conversation! It’s tacky! But most bottoms don’t have a problem saying they are bottoms in the first 2 seconds 🤣

[@Calm_B4_Storm]

I get the purpose of asking the question of “are you a top bottom or vers?” , as it means to cut out a lot of the red tape when you want to ensure you’re sexually compatible with someone. At the same time, we can’t pretend that there isn’t a stigma associated with this question as it relates to (assumed) gender performance, colorism, body politics, and femmephobia.

[@sazude2]

But I don't think the good should suffer for the bad. And people who immediately get turned off might miss out on opportunities that's good for them AND also can be judgemental more often.

[@darcellandre]

YES!

[@JLPerryTV]

A pancake isn’t done until it has been flipped on both sides

[@sazude2]

@@JLPerryTV But human beings aren't pancakes.. We are way more complex than that.

[@JLPerryTV]

@@sazude2 Obviously I’m using an analogy 😒

[@jdg7515]

On the conversation about sexual position as it relates to heteronormativity: I agree that trying to be counter to that just for the sake of it doesnt do us any justice. You are allowed to like what you like as long as you arent causing harm.

[@tfh5575]

i’m tall and have always found myself in that dom top role even tho it’s not naturally how i feel even half of the time. i’m approached by bottoms 95% of the time

[@elisobais]

Love this comment. I come off to most guys as top due to my aggressive and manly nature. But I enjoy being submissive in the bedroom. Most guys get disappointed when they find that out. Surprisingly, few guys are attracted to masculine bottoms.

[@mikelobb8849]

I am tall as well, and people often pre judge me as well. Although I am mostly a top, I can get into a little something something every now and then.

[@atmodlee]

@@elisobais that sucks. I love masc bottoms.

[@the1blkman]

@@elisobais An aggressive and or masculine bottom is a gift! I LOVE them, lmao.

[@bandit4true]

@@atmodlee me too thats usually my preference.

[@rayhue4587]

This conversation needed to be longer and possibly included more people.

[@CoachEmmanuel]

Am so happy about how you guys express your sexualities. I just wish it is the same here in Nigeria. We hide doing such in here.

[@donabarbaradelacosta1182]

And Ghana too...it's terrible here

[@Mrdan827]

I don't really have any problem when someone asks me if I'm a top or bottom or anything, but I definitely prefer to just ask/be asked what I'm into. It's a lot more open and specific usually.

[@ayoq9956]

This was a wonderful and MUCH NEEDED conversation for our community, I agree with Lewis because I have been thinking this same way that it seems like in the black gay community everyone is trying to force EVERYONE to be verse when that’s just not logically possible. I’ve know since a young age, I will say going back to elementary school years that I wanted to be a bottom or the receiver in a same sex relationship. I didn’t have language or words for it back then but I KNEW that it ALWAYS RESONATED with me! I tried topping 3 times on 3 separate occasions it was cool, it was alright but I found out it just wasn’t for me it DIDN’T RESONATE with me. It didn’t light my fire, nothing about it made me think about wanting to consistently do it again. Now BOTTOMING I wanna do that for the rest of my LIFE! I assure you! Cause I LOOOVE it! It resonates with me! It SPEAKS to me! It ENERGIZES me! It MOOOVES me and touches me DEEPLY! Lol Another piece of this conversation that I wanna add is I think this is a specific problem that lies within the black gay community of shamming people for sticking to their sexual positions. Because I don’t see white gays, Latino gays, or Asian gays shaming someone for ONLY wanting to be top, verse, or bottom. Also it seems like bottoms are the only ones who are shammed for wanting to only stick to bottoming. No one EVER comes after tops or verse men for ONLY wanting to be verse or top. Also you don’t see other races of gay men white, Latino, or Asian shamed for ONLY wanting to bottom. I don’t see masculine bottoms being shamed for ONLY wanting to bottom. It seems like the only ones who get shamed for this are caramel skinned, brown skinned, and dark skinned black men who are in between masc/fem bottoms or just feminine bottoms. It seems like there is another deeper subconscious layer to this conversation within the black gay community concerning this sexual positions conversation, and that is the INTERNALIZED RACISM, the COLORISM, and the INTERNALIZED MISOGYNY that we use on each other as men, MORE SPECIFICALLY black men

[@milesjohnson7423]

Man listen, communication is key. My following statement came with maturity and growth so I kno for others it won't be so common. From the jump, I will tell you I'm a WHOLE bottom. You can't bottom shame me for it, I'm not less than a man, you can't force me to be a stay-at-home partner just because I'm receiving dick, I have no urge to top. Take it or leave it and I MUST know that you are okay with it, otherwise it ain't gon work. We like what we like, and we should never conform to things for the sake of others.

[@elisobais]

GREAT POINT! Unfortunately, lots of gay men hate this IMPORTANT question that needs to be discussed SOONER than later!

[@lukazonke7501]

I agree. I am alia tall musculine guy who's often assumed as straight or top, then get floored when tell them that I am an unapologetically gay 💯% bottom and I can't be shamed for it either.

[@ccdiez8326]

this rung so true for me. im 5'3 and fem and I always just assumed I was a bottom even before my first encounter .... turns out I don't like bottoming at all lmao.....

[@kennyr.stephens8599]

Communication is key! I talked to several guys and then told them their sexual preferences. If we decide if we match or not, we don't waste every other time. Nothing wrong with that. 😀

[@tfh5575]

“the bottom cooks” lmao

[@bloodstone816]

thanks yaw for real. i appreciate the intimacy of this convo and i adore el. so good to see him. i miss you, el. x

[@1990imthebest]

“Scrambled with no cheese.” 😂🤣😂😭😂🤣💀

[@glamslamcam]

This was a great conversation. I want to believe that the world would be a better one if we didn’t have labels but the labels exists and help guide one into deciding if the person is sexually compatible with the one showing interest in him. I’ve been learning more & more how vitally important communication is. If you can’t freely express not only who you are where sex is concerned but what you like to do sexually, you won’t go anywhere fast. Communication has saved me from being with the wrong man many many times. Again, great topic & great conversation.

[@mikelobb8849]

Jaw Jack! Classic! Haha! Love that! I always ask questions, too. Communication and conversation is so key.

[@allen3339]

Great episode. I loved how you discussed your own experiences and how you learned to step away from the trope of a masc top. I wish the conversation included sides. Because top, bottom, and versatile seems to only focus on people who are interested in penetration.

[@a.b3748]

Great conversation. “Needs you don’t want to fulfill” this is how I feel when I’m talking to a guy and he says he’s a sub and wants to be dominated & abused

[@DestinyXL28]

First off a bottom that like eat …EAT 😭🤣

[@ronaldgiroux3307]

The versatile thing is tricky because it depends on how you feel for & about your partner. Chemistry makes some versatile men more of a verse/top or they’re more comfortable being a verse/bottom with their partner. Some men were more of a verse/top with their ex but find themselves being more a verse/ bottom with their current lover. In some instances some men would occasionally bottom with their partner and some bottoms will top if/when the situation arises. Of course there are those that are exclusively a top or a bottom with ALL their partners as that’s how they get off.

[@waynebabb3336]

This was as usual amazing!!! Ppl always for the most part deny their inhibitions for said moment!! If your feeling the vibe of why not full explore outside of the "role" play of society. Your in your private domain & relationship be happy AND satisfied for that 20+ minutes of your time - in short; make your toes curl!!! 🎉💜😊😉😋👊

[@jaguy4u2]

This was a great "real" conversation..really enjoyed it 😁👍

[@Tell90]

I find that Many of us tend to think that everything is about a compromise and I don't think that's healthy. I don't think a sexual position is something that needs to be compromised being with someone. If you like something, you like it...and it's healthiest to find someone who can compliment what you like like the guy says. Compromising is twice a week I will drive, and twice a week you will drive. We spend a lot of time trying to change people to fit what we like and what we want because we want it. The healthiest relationships I think are those that need no compromising when it comes to intimacy . If you have to force it...it doesn't work.

[@aveuch]

9:05 in finding a relationship I feel like we should be open to making concessions and accepting that not every need is going to be met by one guy & that monogamy is a choice. I’m not an adult movie star. I feel that expectations are off.

[@xamanbro826]

The top and bottom roles are based in heteronormativity, and there is no denying that. The idea of one person penetrates while the other gets penetrated is indicative of dominance and submission. All men have the same anatomy so we are capable of doing both roles (vers). I understand that people like what they like, but preferences do change. Eventually, that top may want to bottom and vice versa. Also, many gays don’t partake in penetration. The rectum isn’t meant to be penetrated so there really is no “innate” desire to be penetrated-that is completely conditioned behavior. Lastly, phrases like oral top are just silly.

[@roderickshaka3626]

dominant/submissive roles don't have to be "heteronormative" they don't even have to be penetrative. Most of the time preferences don't change. Quit trying to force us to be verse when we don't have any interest in it. The male g-spot can be easily stimulated through the rectum & anal sex has been a reality of gay sex across generations; no one taught the men before to desire that and many of us have desired penetration b4 we even really knew what it meant or even how to do it, so yeah, it is innate. Quit judging how others label their sexual preferences.

[@xamanbro826]

@@roderickshaka3626 1. No one is forcing you to be vers (I have no control over your life.) 2. No one is judging you. 3. Preferences do change when you are in a long term committed relationship.

[@tfh5575]

i don’t love being asked position off jump either like i gotta get a feel for your vibe and how you make me feel. i am different things to different people

[@elisobais]

I think it’s important to ask that question sooner than later. Some guys are attractive and very masculine but submissive when it comes to sex. They ain’t vers. So if you’re also bottom and want something long term or even short time and you don’t ask sooner, then comes the disappointment.

[@PHlyestofNerds]

@@elisobais well the person they are different things to different people. So in a sexual situation, they may be willing to top (only bottoms seem to be pressed on this role thing)

[@kevinmdoka2734]

Relatively constructive conversation ❤️, thank y’all for this

[@Thetruth32]

Gay dudes need to focus on the inflstructure of their interpersonal relationships and not try to live up a preconceived notion of what a top and bottom is. Not all bottoms want to cook and clean. Not all tops want to provide, etc. Great conversation.

[@KraziVokalz]

I was looking for this comment. Exactly!!!!! Don't wanna make it a race thing but I'm in Miami... I see the white and latin guys and relationships built up building, growing ,expanding, motivating and pushing each other.. the blacks are totally different. Lacks foundation, structure or goals... Again not about race at all but we brownies be on some different type of stuff out here

[@lady4dajbs]

🤯🤯🤯 mind blowing conversation on role grooming. Great conversation fellas

[@DoItAgain68]

"role grooming", please elaborate.

[@SainteDenali]

This seems more like it should’ve been a panel discussion

[@tukiitucker5215]

I think a good point to have mentioned would’ve been “Preference vs. Prejudice” .. I say that because can you have a preference without having experience, and if so, does that not make you prejudice over the other? & is what you into innate so no need to claim either or? Just curious to know your thoughts. Love you Obio 💙

[@marcusm.7217]

Labels create something absolute when sexuality is so different and unique for everyone. And jaw-jacking can be cute, but before we do the do, I think it's nice to have a straight-up convo about what we like and dislike. Because I feel like when people jaw jack, they tend to be creative and super adventurous because they don't want to kill the vibe. So I would rather just have a conversation about what my partner likes sexually than to jaw jack or go by their label.

[@JeffreyFord-oo3ui]

Show me

[@wonathancopeland9069]

I think that when you put yourself in one position you miss out on some very rewarding relationships. Positions are just positions and people are people and people have various appetites want different things on different days.

[@jerry7856]

YOU ARE TOUGH/ AWESOME MY BEAUTIFUL BROTHER! Keep up the EXCELLENT WORK!!!!

[@SmilesWalker]

I've been shamed for liking what I like and change myself due to the outside noise, like saying i have a small eggplant, or im not a top im versatile, or I should be with a top and not hooking up with bottoms etc. story of my life.

[@robbbase5349]

This is the kinds of conversations that we aren't having. This is one of the many reasons some I said some relationships don't mature. I do agree with O about a flirt and spending time to figure it out...

[@Jobbienooner2]

In the 70s & 80s terms we used Trade for more masculine guy, that didn't receive & the term queens, did receive and drag queens back then, went both ways or today's terminology they were considered being vers. What, I miss about my error? If you wanted a relationship? Anyone could easily get a loving person &, not many folk rushed into, sex without getting to know the guy, first. There has always been the permiscuistous individuals that got what he or they needed & pushed on 🙋😄,, This was a great conversation. I think I spelled 2 words wrong above. 😅

[@JosephRobert82]

I was rather late to the party at 24. I used to be super duper paranoid about being outed, I thought my singing career was guaranteed to be ruined by it in 2006. When I did hit the gay scene I was called trade and had no idea wth they were talking about. I was femme phobic and had a U.S. grade A complexion and inferiority complex. I was a top because I felt it required the least amount of risk and humiliation if I was outed and I had a submission complex due to childhood traumas. I was cute, tall, locs down my back, and felt small and unattractive. I sought out and fell for a red dude because I felt if I ever were outed (I'm picking up on a theme) my family might be like, "well, at least he's light-skinned." (they wouldn't have btw, I was just paranoid and projecting LOL). I was a chocolate gay crooner in a racist homophobic country running on a grade D American education. Now, I'm 39, well educated, in therapy and voluntarily single. I said all that to say I'm ready to explore more sexual roles but it could never be casual. Also, I'd be interested to hear opinions from transmen on their experiences with sexual roles. If I were with a transman I'd be content as long as he was content with receiving and no I'm not limiting transmen cause they like to do it all too, I'd just like to be with a transman who's ok with receiving. That's it, that's all.

[@topperallen3622]

Outstanding video, sexual position is a very very important preference that MUST be expounded in some way to a possible partner. We don't want to admit it, it is. We love what we love and because of social norms and society nonacceptance, we don't talk about what we like enough to possible partners even in our community. Too many times, we are talking about what we don't like, which is to me, counter productive to a healthy relationship early on. This could be the reason why a lot of us are socially inept and withdrawn from our own community where we should thrive big time. We all need to communicate way more about who we are and what we like to one another in our community.

[@amaniaman7818]

Completely agree. I refuse to identify as a title in the bedroom

[@VII2K23]

A great conversation to have. I think instant gratification has a lot to play in that it kind of hindered the conversationalist piece as it pertains to sexual preferences. I get asked quite often top or bottom? Although I hate the question my answer is always " I don't care for labels. I just go with the flow". My point is that anyone that I choose to sleep with we've had the opportunity to vibe with each other and our sexual activity if any will be based on that. There's no conversation being had anymore, most people just want what they want when they want it 😌

[@the1blkman]

Darius Lamar my comments aren't directed to you specifically. I'm talking about this very common comment these days. This, for me, is the type of thinking that I believe messes up so many possibilities. "I don't care for labels", why? That answer makes me feel like the guy is a total bottom and they're just embarrassed to claim it. I wish bottoms were more proud of their position because the shame has messed up so many possibilities for love or anything sexually. Everyone IS NOT a top, not everyone is a bottom, not everyone is verse and that should be ok. If whomever you've attracted isn't compatible to you sexually then just be friends but folks shouldn't have to guess what you're into if they don't know you. IT IS YOUR DUTY to give information, clearly, in the getting to know you phase. If you don't...why even interrupt the other persons life??

[@VII2K23]

@@the1blkman I don't disagree with your point. There is a lot of shame that shouldn't be had. For me personally i started my sexual journey as a bottom but as I got older and experienced more I realized I like both the top role and the bottom role. As time has gone on all these different labels on preference is what has led me to my prior given response. I think my original plan was that by not attaching myself to one or the other I'm liking everything pretty much. Live your best life is what I say 😊

[@xamanbro826]

@@VII2K23 I agree! I think often times there is more pressure to be either a top or a bottom only. I have both equipment so why not do both? :)

[@VII2K23]

@@xamanbro826 right. I'll also add I don't believe it is wrong at all to discuss position preferences. I'm all for it I just think it's been too much of the focus in our community for too long so much so that negative feelings are given to mere labels.

[@xamanbro826]

@@VII2K23 Yeah, I feel like sex is such an integral part of the gay community that we have to discuss roles in the beginning stages of a relationship. It’s just sad that we let roles determine the relationship. You can vibe really well with someone and have a potential long term commitment, but the only thing holding you back is both of your are tops or both are bottoms. I just don’t see how such a deep connection can be ruined because of roles. We both have the same equipment…you would think it’d be easy to compromise. Bad enough there aren’t many successful Black relationships to begin with.

[@jasanch]

I love this video. The only thing I would have to slightly disagree with is not asking the position question. I was fortunate to meet my fiance online and we already knew what each others positions were but if you are not using dating apps you need to know in the beggining what someone's position is to not waste your time. Yes maybe not on the first date but it needs to be a question asked in the beggining stages of dating.

[@davidemerald7690]

Keep it coming with the awesome content obio 👌as always, this was an amazing, detailed conversation

[@lilarto]

I enjoyed this discussion. I personally am somewhere in between Obio and El when it comes to disclosing my sexual position. If someone approached me and asked me if I were a top or a bottom before they even asked me my name... lol I'd be turned off immediately. But if I'm getting to know someone and it becomes clear that there's a mutual attraction between us, then naturally I'd feel inclined to have that conversation. It also depends on the context. If the intent is just to hookup, then you should be upfront about your sexual position. But if you're looking to date, you don't have to lead with that. Maybe that's a question you ask on the second date. But to Obio's point, more than likely you would've gotten some idea about what the other person is into from your interactions on the first date. I find it kinda thrilling to feel someone out and slowly extract those intimate details from them and vice versa. But zats juss meeee lol

[@JamalTateIsTheGreatest]

I loved this episode definitely gave a different side and it was interesting. In my opinion I actually had a conversation recently that changed my perspective on positions… instead of asking positions once it gets to the point of having sex ask what do you like to do sexually. When you ask that ,obviously in a safe space, you get the answers you want as in what they like to do which may not be subscribed to one position or the other. That made me feel more free as opposed to being asked about positions. Also, I’m also at a place where if you ask me too soon these types of questions I’m turned off immediately.. sad truth I don’t like sex enough for that!!

[@Appplecidder]

This conversation was just surface level. I felt as though you guys could of dove a little deeper into your sexual positions. It was as if you were afraid to talk about your sexual desires in fear or the stigma behind it or backlash from it. What I gathered from this dialogue is, Obi may want to play more with being submissive or in the bottom role but society has forced the top stereotype on him. I feel it’s so Indebted that he can’t even comfortably speak about the role he likes or chooses to go into. The conversation had nice nuances but I feel as though the video was too long to not fully get into the actual breakdown of things. I do enjoy the content though.

[@AchillesandArtemis]

I get what you're saying about Obio. I feel like that's why he doesn't like to be upfront about sexual positions when talking to a new person.

[@mauhuff]

I’ve had moments with other gay dudes where I wanna be vulnerable and talk about sex but so many just take it as an invitation to have it. Partly why I’m still a virgin. Haven’t met the right guy who can be fully mature and open when it comes to that subject.

[@AchillesandArtemis]

​@@mauhuff That's 100% valid, with that being said, if you had the intention to have sex with someone and still didn't feel comfortable sharing your sexual position, it's a different thing.

[@Appplecidder]

@maurice I completely understand that. With you being a virgin I feel as though it’s different because u haven’t fully experienced the aspect or top and bottom roles. Where as Obi has but doesn’t want to be associated with what it comes with. Majority of gay man solely focus on sex. It’s disheartening. Focus on you Maurice the right 1 will come when your ready for him.

[@Kedeuce]

I totally feel you on this. Maybe as time passes Obio will be more comfortable with digging deeper and sharing that depth. He’s jokingly said that that’s his business (and I get that), but he may be able to help someone successfully navigate these kinds of conversations if he’s just a tad more transparent.

[@leodisconleyjr9475]

I love ❤ and enjoy 😉 really getting to know people in a personal way. Simply by just becoming more familiar and getting more in touch with men is a lost art of becoming more intimate and sensual with one another! Because some may not become your love interest, But that potential of becoming just great friends and building on a friendship is not even viewed as being attractive,worthy, or, even a possibility!

[@inbedwithkpop]

Love your videos!! But this one you showed some self bottom shaming. You were very comfortable sharing that you were a top but then when you said you explored beyond the “strict top things” and was maybe about to mention bottoming you paused and said “get out my business”. I hear you with not wanting all your business out there and maybe not wanting to share details( cause you don’t gotta share shit us with your viewers that you don’t want!) but it seemed that could have been an opportunity to perhaps create more space for yourself and viewers in sharing beyond your top stereotype you mentioned.

[@billybatson3810]

I agree. But, I think that's why these conversations are needed. It helps with that. He is still growing as we all are.

[@Jack_Black536]

Yeah, I caught that as well. But it's not just Obio. I've noticed that same hesitation with others - vloggers - especially more masculine presenting brothas, when discussing ever bottoming. Like they'll talk at length about toppin a dude but skirt the topic of them bottoming or liken to bottom. Is that internalized shame?

[@stevelangely8004]

@@Jack_Black536 Yes, it is.

[@dkie7992]

Good shit!! Don’t know how I stumbled upon your channel but good content!!

[@BJ-qw4tz]

Every topic was definitely hit well! I think connecting three separate conversations (typecasting, communication and projection) to s*xual position conflates the issues. TBV is useful information (for p*netration not f*replay) but those three issues are subsidiary & come into play based on the persons maturity level

[@beautifulcreatures3475]

Beautiful convo I enjoyed watching y’all lol

[@BimRen246]

Great conversation guys. I think we have to have these very real conversations about about our sexuality and relationship as a community and individuals with out partners

[@blackgaydude]

The problem, in my opinion with our community, is that sex comes before the relationship. Most gay couples met, started having sex, then developed a relationship. Because of that order of development, it is necessary to carry top, bottom, versatile labels. However, if you develop a relationship first and then fall in love, you are willing to do anything to please the one you love. With that order of development, top, bottom, versatile labels do not exist and is not needed. The top, bottom, versatile label gives the impression that gay people are all about sex and exist only for sex. Young people hurry up and realize that sex is not the most important element of a relationship. In fact, you are going to need a whole lot of other intangible things from your partner as you become older. Make sure you and your partner LEARN how to reciprocate those needs toward each other.

[@tebogomagz5797]

Give this man his Nobel Peace prize !!!!!! This is the real core issue here..

[@Diz_27]

Well I'm pretty feminine and dudes automatically put me in the bottom position and I assumed the position... it wasn't until 2019 (28) that I fully explored and actually like topping as well...

[@Buckntydylan328]

I just came across you guys and I love this. Coming for the LBGTQ community, there aren’t talks like this. I appreciate your content. Do you guys have a podcast?

[@DreBrian]

We all like what we like...Explore all your love interests and then finds what is best for you. #teamVERSE ❤️💯

[@garycopeland1675]

What a well needed discussion. It was very interesting as well as entertaining to listen to.

[@optimumreality9745]

This is an amazing conversation! Thank you so much XO

[@okoyerobin3764]

I state my position on my profile for people to see and they still skip over my profile and make assumptions. Sexual manipulations. So I now ask if they read my profile.

[@the1blkman]

I liked everything your guest had to say and how he said it. I've never been into people who are against direct conversation about whatever we're trying to discuss. I'm not good at flirting so the way Obio goes about it wouldn't work for me because i'd be confused as hell about what was going on, lmao!! But I know for a fact that a lot of guys operate that way. CLARITY is my friend, lol. Great conversation gentlemen! The last several videos have been really good to me. Keep this up and I may have to re-subscribe.

[@timwilsonpershing07]

Yea…I think it’s tacky for someone to ask my sexual position early on at our first meeting. If you are a bottom explicitly looking for a top or vice versa for sex, then identify as such or just state that you have specific expectations from jump. As mentioned, there is no rule book for sex and sexuality, and as our community progresses we are redefining ourselves sexually (especially as you age) hence the ‘oral top’ or ‘side’ titles. If you come up to me with some antiquated “Top, Bottom, or Vers??” ish in 2022, I’m turned off. If our getting to know each other is predicated on the type of sex I’m willing to give you, we are not compatible.

[@meemeeBUNK]

Some people have tried all the cookies and through trial and error, know they like Chocolate Chip cookies. That’s it. I don’t understand why it’s so hard to understand.

[@TheKing-rb6jo]

You always have good content!

[@bskeete]

Great convo...and video. Thanks

[@xaviermfsebastian]

this podcast has made me realize their are mature gays in the world and coming from a small city it’s breaking my addiction to “ dl men” i feel like their is hope for romance for all of us truly you just have to align yourself and educate yourself on your sexuality and don’t limit yourself. love this keep going learning alot about my culture

[@SmilesWalker]

is being a top bottom or verse who you are every since you first started or does it change, because I be confused because I change from top to bottom to verse and Im not sure if that's just me being versatile going through the emotions.

[@brucekentnyc]

In the 80's & 90's there were not those terms in the homosexuality black world. AOL and Caucasians came up with those terms started to take hold. However most of the White gay men identify with being a "Bottom" especially if they are into other races specifically black men. Ive watched this unfold now for over 20 years. Most black gay men usually are 'Tops" and are chastised if they want to be bottoms, by blks and other cultures alike. It is great that this conversation is online and people can give their thoughts, opinions and life stories of how this all works. True if you are tall and black and gay most people assume you are a Top with a long thick dick. However being tall etc... and wanting to bottom around guys much shorter than yourself does cause distress.

[@adrianlopez8058]

The bc most relatable guest you’ve had I agree I’m not into hookups im never on an app getting my rocks off for the night. and I think the notion we all should be vers does everyone a disservice bc if that’s not what everyone wants why ????

[@Zayiish]

I’m using that egg analogy!

[@reamdelrey]

What about Side?

[@heyheyhey40]

Verbal communication is a necessity.

[@elijahpringle24]

Very interesting that the answer was "scramble with no cheese". Not trying to be over analytical it sounds like you have dealt with people making assumptions, so much so, you state what you don't want them to assume. Or maybe you're just lactose intolerant. LOL! Another very good conversation. Thank you.

[@cjunderwart4367]

i feel like i fall into this trap (idk if other ppl have LOL) but like i dont like wasting my time (???) with a guy who isnt a top .. like obvi being a top doesnt automatically make u compatible inherently but like why play the flirting game w someone u wouldnt wanna sleep w anyways LOL like nothing turns me off more than finding out someone a bottom and is trying to talk to me

[@joebinspirenetwork8471]

It was the "Top" energy gestures for me....lol. No, but really. This is an awesome platform.

[@benjamincunningham5070]

I totally love this

[@cford00]

I think there’s something to be said about dominance/submissiveness as a matter of sexual compatibility. Another thought, how your sexual position may change from person to person. Re: proximity to heteronormative roles. Is the goal to necessarily get away from heteronormative roles? Or, instead, is it to protect the choice to do so (or not)? Enjoyed the video. Thoughts are being thunk.

[@musicandtheater7681]

It’s great to start a conversation about this currently in my life I found an awesome dude to talk with he lives in California and I live in fl so far just the few days that we have been getting to know each other I feel like this is more of a relationship than anything I’ve found here in fl reason one he introduced me to his son. Reason two talking on the phone. Reason three happy and fun conversation. My experience being a gay male in the south has been weird I think this because I have found it easier to find someone to lay with rather than to be with in a relationship. Often meeting people online I’m left feeling like their is only the option for sex. Sometimes I meet guys who are open to a relationship but unfortunately in all of these relationships I still feel in the closet somewhat. I enjoy singing and with gab I’m already singing on the phone with him. I hope I can move to California and now their is someone their that I am getting to know. I feel like a healthy gay male relationship gay males both do both. Their are only two reasons a male don’t bottom either it hurts or he can’t. Bottoming shouldn’t hurt that’s not reality, find someone who makes it feel good. And if he can’t they should be a warning sign for you. As his partner you should know what is going on with his body.

[@Km-xc8wl]

Well said

[@Tajographist]

I have this crazy theory that every TOP, should try bottoming once, until climax. I should be with a trusted partner that will do it properly and make sure they're safe. This way tops will understand what bottoms/vers go through and feel whe they are receiving. I feel like most tops are insensitive when it comes to sex and don't understand what has to be done to get the bottom they want; specifically bottoms/vers that can TAKE THE MANHOOD. I remember linking with this guy in Ft Lauderdale and he was a handsome, thicc, big boi muscle, dread head. He spoke very well and gentle. However, he was a dominator. There isn't anything wrong with that but, he didn't make it easy to take him. and it was "thick. I tried to guide him, but he was trying to fight it and take control. We got through it and the next day I developed a an*l fissure. He messaged me that he wanted to meet again. I explained to him that we wouldn't meet for a while because I needed to heal, and he COMPLETELY dismissed what I said. Like he didn't care or ask if I was okay. I was so........not upset but annoyed.

[@Joseph-og9jh]

Thank you for a great video and conversation

[@heinmolenaar6750]

Your beard is stunning

[@jouleonyx3110]

In all honesty it shouldn't have been that difficult to answer the question if you're a top or bottom, I get it you don't like being labeled but if you're going to host these types of conversations you have be able to answer those types of questions without fear, you could have said I like both and left it at that. What needs to be done within the alphabet community is that we need to normalize being a top or bottom not based on preconceived internalized stereotypes, the place where that is done is in the leather community. I like El and think he would make a great addition as a co-host, he balances out your frenetic pacing.

[@elisobais]

THANK YOU!!!

[@mauhuff]

What if his answer was more nuanced and it couldn’t be placed in a “top, bottom, verse” label? I felt like that was his whole point.

[@jouleonyx3110]

@@mauhuff I have to disagree, there is no in between you either participate in anal sex or you don’t, what’s there to be nuanced about.

[@jayocean4724]

So he is saying he is pretty much verse

[@jouleonyx3110]

@@jayocean4724 Is he even saying that much? With his frenetic pacing it’s hard to understand what exactly Obie is attempting to get across.

[@gregoryroper8760]

Great Discussion....💯💯

[@kenscales4992]

I think it all depends on the type of relationship the 2 people are having. Sometimes I like to be a Bottom......sometimes I like to be a Top .....so I guess I'm Vers. I live in Boston Ma. & I feel like Boston is very Bottom heavy. It's very hard to find a Top guy in Boston. I'm trying to be more fluid but as I get older I think I'm more of a Bottom .

[@alanaban3519]

Men was never made to play the role of a woman / it is a diversion of mature which is wrong / the ass was never made for the pemis

[@alanaban3519]

That is y the gay have the highest std

[@jaicoture]

Mystery & Mode of Operation are two different things. Ambiguity doesn't work within sexuality. People have preferences. If said people do not have their needs met, then philandering comes into play.

[@theddymoukoumbi]

the intro got me hook already 😂

[@JustusJermaine]

Another great convo!

[@lboogs5]

Great conversation 👍🏾

[@danlaw1208]

I'm neither Top nor bottom. I identify as a SIDE

[@raydaveed]

"How they want you to behave" This mindset is so problematic even though i kinda get it on some level but it's too heavy on stereotypes.

[@jbjesus123]

Luv this...

[@iamjholloway]

This was a good one. Thanks for sharing 💕

[@owtsideperspective3588]

I think vers sex is boosted up to combat bottoming shaming that preceded it in the community

[@snipsnip2594]

One of my best friend from college told me, hes in love with me and he assumed I would be the bottom if we were together 🥴 hes telling me he can change my mind im like no you can.😂

[@kelmo24]

Ahm asking positions doesn't eliminate romance..plus here the thing I am a jamaican u r american...I literally didnt get the example used to get the context clues because it isn't my culture...its probably even worse among americans...best thing is to ask r u a top or bottom or verse

[@phoenixastral9046]

I'm a bottom verse

[@rodmason9880]

Sexual compatibility is important.. Speaking from experience... Sex is many things one is expressing love

[@ScribblebytesWorldwide]

I don't like eggs. As a bi guy I'm always fascinated with how gay guys describe sex. It blows my mind in the same way str8 people talking about dating blows my mind. I just feel like "Wow! What a world we all live in". In my experience in the bi-world aka The Biosphere, ìts not so regimented like with yall. My str8 friends have to deal with playing games and following dating rules and then my gay friends also have rules like what yall are talking about. Top vets etc. And then there's the socio-economic roles that are linked to the sex position!😮

[@ScribblebytesWorldwide]

No no no rim jobs are not a gay thing. They're a person thing. I learned about those from str8 people. Same as @nal. I think the way people do it vs the things that turn people on are 2 completely different things. The same way sex and love are 2 different things. I mean...some people get off on watching only. Some people need DP x2.

[@HausofPatronus]

17:39 I thought sex was about to happen on set

[@yasinradee]

Even in this conversation, talking about bottoming feels like this shameful thing in the community. Neither one of you would acknowledge plainly that you've been in the bottom position before. I'm wondering, not so much where it stems from but how can we get out of this bottom shaming feeling. Is it because there isn't a balance in the community of Tops and Bottoms? I alwayz say too many bottoms not enough tops.🤣 I also feel🤣, those that are Verse now are really bottoms who top because just being a bottom you won't get all the sex you want. Labels Labels Labels

[@MK-uw8qt]

they probably are more tops. I do think there is bottom shaming. People who are bottoms are associated with being the "women" and if a bottom identify as a man, it just makes announcing you're a bottom more taboo

[@darianagnew6524]

Bottom shaming is a second cousin to misogyny, and first cousin to hyper/toxic masculinity. I think we break out of this mindset one person at a time, who raises the bar and sets the example of what it’s like to be truly authentic.

[@k.alvarado6237]

Especially the one on the right. He really could have been the voice of the bottoms here, even though probably identifies as verse.

[@mishaelandrew2408]

There is bottom shaming... And to me there is no label.

[@ynry27]

I understand Obio. Thinking about it, it sounds fun and very sexy to try figure out what a guys sexual interest are through conversation and flirting. But this can’t happen with every guy though.

[@John-wd5ic]

What is an oral top and oral bottom ?