(s6e6) Single Motherhood, Surrogate Husbands & Rivalry | Biblical Womanhood • Christian Parenting

[@Rosewelllady]

The point about the child being a surrogate spouse really hit home. I hadn't thought of it this way. The only thing I would add to this is that it's not always single mothers that do this. I am struggling to set boundaries in this area with my own mother right now and she is married. But her marriage is not healthy. And she chooses to go to her children rather then her husband.

[@innovativearts9511]

Many people out there are actually parenting in such a way out of pure ignorance. Most of them never even get a chance to realize the damage this has on their children for a lifetime. I pray that God heals everyone affected by these issues and that he may restore them to the right path. 🙏

[@coolingwinds]

I think the point touched on about mother’s who apply the role of “spouse” to their son or, as in my case, daughter is pertinent. I attempted several times to communicate this to my own mother. Her position was how dare I, the child, feel that way. She had “no choice” but to rely upon me to help her with being a single mom of four. I was 12/13 years old when dad died. I understand that she didn’t have the information or training herself on how to raise children. She did the best that she knew how to do, and we ended up as decent citizens, if not a bit scarred. Then again, no one is free from scarring. It’s definitely affected my ability to form intimate relationships, and in fact I have felt that marrying is an emotionally overwhelming prospect; therefore, I have chosen not to seek it for myself. Not blaming her for my adult choices, but I most definitely see the correlation. **SINGLE MOTHERS TAKE HEED** Excellent discussion!

[@jogreen7]

Yeah, that childhood experience can definitely make marriage feel too heavy emotionally. My mum was also a single parent and relied heavily on me. She doesn’t have sons and being the middle child closest to mum it always felt I was to become successful so I could support my mum. I’ve had conversations with my mum about a lot of these things. I know it was hard for her to hear but thank God she has a gentle spirit and has acknowledged her part in adding unnecessary pressure to me as a young woman to be a provider and protector for her. I’m still trying to figure out how to find balance. It’s been many years trying to ‘fix’ things. I pray and ask God for wisdom daily. His the only one that can set things straight. I thank the Lord for how He has helped me in my life despite the dysfunction. He has given me his eyes and heart and I trust him completely.

[@nalzym924]

I just wanna cry. As the eldest daughter, I feel like I'm expected to be my mom's husband, my younger sister's and her daughter's mom 😭

[@innovativearts9511]

It's never easy for the eldest children but now that you have such information, you can do better as a parent to your children.

[@lisai1315]

The surrogate husband issue can also happen with women who are essentially single mothers in a marriage. That was the situation in my own life. My mother would put a lot of her marital burdens on me because of the strife she had in her own marriage.

[@SheBaker]

Unfortunately, that was my husband's situation as well. The first 7 years of our marriage were really rough! But all praises to the most high God, that point in our marriage is long gone, and we are in a really great place now. 😊

[@alexiuhbram]

Came here to say this too

[@AppleJuiceQueen95]

7:30 this is how my father was. My parents are married, 2 daughters and 1 son. My dad was laser focused on my brother’s football skills. To a point where When I was around 8, I heard him say “the girls are not a priority; [my brother] is. If he makes it to the NFL, we’ll be set for life and never work again. We need to stay focused on him.” My brother was a great football player, but dropped out of college when he found out his girlfriend was pregnant. When my paternal grandfather died, my dad told us all that he was disappointed in my brother because he “was supposed to make it big in the NFL” before my grandfather died so he could “rub it in his face”. Not making excuses for him, but My grandfather wasn’t a very nice man; very mean, critical and abusive. And now the result of that is a strained relationship between my dad and all of his children. My brother is hurt that his greed overshadowed their entire relationship. And my sister and I don’t have any relationship with him to begin with because we were always disregarded and pushed aside.😪😪😪

[@kathleenking47]

Dad should've got him into the trades, as a backup

[@ayomibh]

Maybe dad put his dreams on his son 💔

[@kathleenking47]

@@ayomibh he needed to make him a mechanic They make great money

[@MeachumVillage]

Your point about single mothers giving their children responsibilities that a husband should have is very common, especially financially. It's common for single mothers to expect their children to contribute to household expenses, her personal expenses, etc because "she needs help." This can be okay, but sometimes it can lead to the child forsaking their education, friends, or their own interests to help mom with the bills. Now, kid is making whole life decisions, -like where to go to college, what career to pursue, where to live-based on being available to help mom.

[@にょにょ-k4k]

So much wisdom… every video - I get mind-blowing epiphanies.

[@somewhereihavenevertravell3795]

In some cases though the single parent will go in the opposite direction -- Rather than encouraging outside activities and worldly 'success', they'll actually try to hold you back from doing anything outside the home or even having normal experiences -- Particularly where an outside relationship is involved. They make you feel guilty for doing anything that doesn't involve them. I believe this is done to try and hold onto their children forever. Thanks for the video -- I always enjoy your book recommendations! 👏💞🥰

[@faithasamustardseed5941]

That last part about wisdom and saying no deserves a standing ovation . Well said and something that many of us need to hear.

[@panda3pinguin]

This hit home on so many levels for me😢 Thank you for the effort you put into your videos. And for always staying true to the word of God. I appreciate how you never make your videos or your channel about you (like so many other Christian youtubers do) but always about God and helping/teaching others what you have the the wisdom about. I never learned any of this growing up. Started watching you at 40 and am 41 now. Your videos have opened my eyes to so many things.

[@Melanie-bi4pp]

I love what you've said about grace accompanying repentance and confession ! That's why I love so much the Sacrament of Confession, it erase sins and make us new and holy❤ God bless you and give you more wisdom as you've said you need❤

[@biblestudyqueen20]

I resonate with the need to be obedient to God rather than my mother especially concerning my marriage. I love and look up to my mom dearly, she brought me into the faith…but there have been times she suggests blatant disobedience to my husband and to God. I’ve been married 3 years and am still learning how to respect her without sin.

[@amandaparrish9128]

Wow! You just explained something that I couldn’t understand about my friend who is a single mother. The stress that the child is under makes me wonder why she expects him to be perfect. He is just a child.

[@mads597]

There are numerous possible reasons behind your friend’s behavior. Not excusing it, btw, just pointing out how this one view isn’t a surefire explanation

[@amandaparrish9128]

@@mads597Curious: what other explanation do you suggest?

[@angelinelegrand2414]

​@@mads597stop running from the truth

[@coolingwinds]

Oh! Love the point about in an attempt to obey our foremothers that we don’t disobey our Heavenly Father! Yes!!!

[@lyanimoody6554]

I am so glad you did a video on this. I do not have a relationship with my mother nor step mother for this very reason. Instead of viewing me as a daughter/ step daughter . They always try to one up me and I'm always confused Bec I'm thinking why are they viewing me as competition instead of as a family member?🤷🏽‍♀️ It got really bad where I had to cut off both relationships if you want to call it that and it saddened me but was extremely necessary I don't trust them nor feel safe around them unfortunately. I am also Autistic adult but that still didn't matter to them. You could see the demonic spirit rise in them anytime I step foot around them they cut up and I had had enough. So I pray for them but my husband and I agreed we need to keep away and they can't have access to us nor our home.

[@joyadewumi7420]

Hey Bindi! Would it be possible to make your vodcasts into podcasts and put them on apps like Google Podcasts or Spotify? It would help a lot for those who would like to listen as they walk/do other things.

[@lyn254]

Subscribed straight away one month ago after I discovered this precious channel and important topics covered, I love this topic about Identity because it's a big issue.our identity is not in marriage, accomplishments ,in our children etc etc .

[@Cali_DetroitConnect]

This was SOOOO GOOD!!! I learned so much from this and it’s a true eye opener! Thank you so much Bindi!!! May God bless you and keep you!!!

[@blessedbeyondmeasure3265]

When we speak of single motherhood, no two situations are the same therefore we should not generalize in anyway, what you may have seen may not be the case in anyone elses situation. Everyones situation is different be it in single parents or married couples. Please be careful of wording and generalization. It is my belief that how the single parent is raised and their own self awareness is what makes a difference in how they parent. Most importantly how they see and follow God also makes a difference for those who follow Christ and have truly repented and turned away from the wrong lifestyle as opposed to those who are far from Christ and live riotously. It is Christ who makes the difference in any persons life and how the Lord leads them through every situation.

[@hollyjollyjo]

Haven't yet listened but this was my mother. But she was an adoptive mother.

[@psalms50_5]

Once again, a very edifying video. So much I'd like to touch on but I'll say you especially hit the nail on the head when it pertains to the conversation that I also come across with most Christians about grace and repentance. I have found that a majority of Christian believe in lawlessness now. They believe that the law is done away with, and that Christ died on the cross for all the sins that they commit including their willful sin and iniquity. In all actuality, Christ was against (and loathed) this doctrine of lawlessness. It is the literal doctrine of the nicolaitans He spoke of in Revelation 2:15. Just look them up and compare what they believed to the things most followers of Christ believe nowadays. I reiterate...Christ said He hated it. 😮‍💨 We are called to see the sin, cut it out, and turn away from it....not live in it and call it grace. Christ didn't come here to die for you to sin. Thats insane. Anywho this is a great video for parents (especially mothers) to sit with and check ourselves and our behavior in our children's lives.

[@tetleylennon533]

I’m slightly disappointed about the generalization and negativity towards single mothers. I do agree with the point of allowing too much freedom to children. From experience, this can provide a road to single parenthood. Then the single mother is bashed and left under these types of stigmas.

[@angelinelegrand2414]

​@@tetleylennon533step away from your feelings

[@CZQ7]

​@tetleylennon533 l've also had passing thoughts about the focus on single mothers. I'm not a mother (yet, if God allows, I'll be soon) but I was raised by a single mother. And I have a tendency to be quite protective over her. The issue is not the woman who has a child and for some reason or other ends up without a partner by her side. I think that Bindi is trying, against the stream of this society that seems to want to be Godless, to re-shape our minds according to God's love and commandments. God tells us exactly how to live in order to prevent all the pain we can read about in the comments. Speaking up plainly and Biblically is not an attack but a call to change, to healing, to accept the gift of redemption and the blessings God has for us as women, wifes, mothers

[@alianewsome8676]

I hope your hair grows long and healthy. Glad to see you out the locs.

[@heartofgoal7708]

Loving this series! Thank you 😊

[@sherriholcombe5428]

Love this. So many wisdom nuggets in this video. I'm reading the book too. I was intrigued by your videos of chapters 1 & 2. It's amazing how little we are taught how to raise and be good stewards of the children God blesses us with. But,thank God, He always gives us what we need.😊💖

[@Jeffery-e4e]

You are indeed a wise and extremely intelligent woman!!!!

[@iFound247]

unless Christ is fully revealed to you, you cannot say no. It is Christ who keeps us from sin and never by our own will power

[@BazookaDoe]

Thank you so much.

[@thembisamakhoba1606]

Jesus help us 😭😭

[@Shiboys]

Two things: we can’t assume that the husband in the first scenario abandoned the family. The husband might have passed away. Number #2 maybe the teen girl was a friends house, study group etc! We don’t actually know. She could have been at a trusted friends home. Or maybe it was written towards non- Christian families that are not where we are all at. I know for me it’s a NO 👎. & I’m the momma of only boys. Also, people used to have children literally to work on the farm and be utilitarian! That’s 💯 wrong.

[@akeliahblake679]

You have hit so many points of my life thanks for sharing this is some good sharing of wisdom

[@AAMtruthteller]

Sister's, please help me. PLEASE HELP. I don't want to sin! My husband is a Christian, a stand up guy in most ways, but is an angry person. He yells at me or the kids every few weeks very harshly. Yesterday, he had my 9 year old help him carry a bench with him down the snowy steps, and my son fell. He screamed at him. I was so angry! He also screamed at me like a dog because I accidentally left our debit card at the gas station (which had been turned in and was safe.) I finally reached out to a Christian brother and his wife and asked for help because my husband does not think he is wrong for being 'tough,' as he calls it. It has hurt our marriage for years, but I always forgive and move on. How should my attitude be now? I am angry and I just want to forgive and forget, but that's not helping. Any advice would be good! I don't know how to feel!!

[@MeachumVillage]

According to the process outlined in Matthew 18:15, other men, like the elders of your church, should confront him until he repents.

[@thrutruthislife.6555]

Pray that the Lord deliver him from the spirit of rage and anger. When he starts yelling again, rebuke that spirit out loud, because that’s who is taking over in the moment. “I rebuke you spirit of anger and rage in the Name of Jesus. I bind you and cast you down. Die by fire of the Holy Spirit. Leave my husband, now!” Keep doing it, never give up faith that the Lord will deliver him. Fast and pray against it as well. Don’t be lazy or doubtful. Deal with this spirit or it may contaminate your children as well. Please take this seriously. I pray the Lord be with you on this matter. Amen!

[@donishastevenson1660]

You talked about single mothers treating their children as though they are spouses. What does that look like? What is your experience as a single mother?

[@ДжонсонаДжек]

❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

[@stevieray7203]

If you don’t allow older teens to explore their freedom they will get it all at once the first year of college…

[@mads597]

What’s the explanation for bitter married mothers who push their children too hard? Or fathers who do the same? It’s as though projecting a narrative of bitterness onto single moms as a general group is actually a projection of bitterness itself.