How Narcissist Distorts Your Mind: Contagious Snapshotting, Infectious Introjection

[@enigma1487]

I need to watch this every day to remind myself that it was never about me. Thank you Professor Vaknin.

[@leighdalton9848]

Thank you very much. After 62 years I’ve walked away. ….bla bla….i realise now I just need to change the channel and get on, now, with my life….gardening is nice…finally MY life! Thanks again.

[@sukiyakking9138]

I’m finally getting it. These people are crazy.

[@gamzeugur155]

This was one very good explanation of how narcissists really see us and how we perceive their behavior. Thank you for making this difficult topic clear!🙏🙏

[@ES-hy2wi]

I love your laugh. You make me laugh and smile.

[@harpermunro572]

wow just wow. thank you who ever you are for this question

[@ginkgo2021]

Very helpful. Explains so many things and helps to depersonalize the negative experience or better said, the non-experience.

[@rena523]

This is interesting because a situation puzzled me this week at work which happened in front of colleagues with a couple of covert/communal narcissists who know I know who they really are. The narcs actually created their own false stories even when audio and recordings were running proving them to be liars. It momentarily confused me at the time. Then I remembered what I was dealing with and it made sense so I stepped back and observed. They're in their own world with no basis in reality. No matter how many professionals hear the audios and say it doesn't line up with the covert narcissists false allegations, they move along like nothing is happening. Like children playing with toys and objects in an alternate world of their own. It's like their head is buried in the sand until libel or defamation becomes their reality. Are we not to take it personally when they try to ruin our lives and we have to clean up the mess? Reply

[@debhadden205]

This makes complete sense. My childhood molester, my father, never saw me as me but an avatar in his mind, an object.

[@BallersEdmonton]

At the end of the relationship it would be very fitting for the narcissist to say: "It wasn't personal.." or "It's not you its me..." :D

[@AlishaTx]

Narcissist Infection lol "The Contagion has taken over"....I think you may have just termed a new phrase. All this remind me of that movie from the 70s called Invasion of The Body Snatchers.

[@maxreinsch]

Phew!! That's a relief

[@ainrada9601]

That was succinctly insightful.

[@MyMagicalSpace]

Wow that explains so much, thank you 🙏

[@BallersEdmonton]

The thing is the narcissist has no choice but to create the internal avatar of us and go through the stages, and we have no choice in how we interpret the stages during the relationship. It makes sense that you need both of these elements for the shared fantasy to exist.

[@daquainoo2126]

This is so hard to wrap my head around. Like - if he is having a conversation with me in a room, is he not seeing me? Is he blind? Does he think he’s dreaming? I know as a healthy minded person this is MEANT to be foreign to me, but I just can’t imagine that when conversing, he isn’t seeing me as a person - looking into my eyes, seeing me as I am that day..yet when we interact, he’s interacting with someone I was 10years ago? I’m just trying to imagine it from his position and my mind just can’t comprehend it…and I watch a LOT of these videos. I’d actually consider myself a self styled online expert 😂😂….i really want to grasp introjection.

[@INSPIRACJEPracownia]

Is it possible to distinguish (by our inner psychodynamic) whether we are abusing by a narcissist or a psychopath? If a psychopath is more in reality and perceives people as external, how the "victim" can by his/her own "symptoms"/ reactions better self-orient what is happening?

[@samvaknin]

Psychopaths distort your perception of external reality (gaslighting). Narcissists distort your perception of internal reality.

[@INSPIRACJEPracownia]

@samvaknin Thank you for the answer. I'm wondering whether in case of malignant narcissism we experience both form of distortion. And how does it look like in case of subclinical forms. Is there any difference in the exerenced impact of such abuse? Does it cause more cofusion for recipuenc of the mistreatment?

[@PaigeSquared]

​@@samvakninare there overlaps in this? Are there cases where a person would distort both the external and internal worlds of the victim?

[@user-yq4ks4wf7d]

Dr. Vaknin, Sir, would it be safe to come to the conclusion we are fooled or fool ourselves by our interaction with the Narcissist because what we really see is them “acting out” in “real time” with their own internal landscape (constantly, vigilantly trying to control). Do they forecast outcomes in their mind? Is that the root of all the conflict that they are not just not interacting with the real world… they already have the outcome predicted, and expect it to be so? Is that the cause of the behavioral responses we get? They expect the play in their head to go as planned? So the shared fantasy is constantly foiled. We just aren’t playing our part right? Please

[@kari2176]

But.... #1, IF YOU DO NOT KNOW, he is a narcissist, with snapshots, you have NO CHOICE but to think these things are directed at you. #2, The narcissist chooses to BE WITH the external object .... they may be communicating only internally with the snapshot, but WHY THEN do they want to be with YOU, the external version!? Can you please explain this Dr. Vaknin?

[@jesabeltwin5051]

To be provided with things that s/he needs, including attention?

[@jesabeltwin5051]

Its a bit hard to accept that the narcissist isn't really dealing with you when you are the subject of their rage, when they are abusing you, when you are the subject of their smear campaign. You surely do exist, their rage is directed at you, they are not looking inwards. Sometimes this psycobabble is a bit hard to take. I don't really think I am confused that his rage is directed at me when he is screaming / swearing at me, the external object. If he was screaming at the internal object, he could go away to a mountain and do that, but he is 5" from my face, screaming in my face.

[@GarrettR21]

It’s all explained by their desire for narcissistic supply, the trick is figuring out what the scope of that supply is. Then you have your playing field to work with until you’re able to get away.

[@jesabeltwin5051]

Except, they are screaming at you, not at something in their mind. They are setting out to smear and damage an external object, me, not something in their mind. Their hate is directed to an external object. I don't think this frame of reference is correct, or helpful. Certainly not to the external object anyway. Because their rage is directed at you (me). It is not a case of being mistaken that his rage is directed to me, the external object. I think this is taking psycobabble too far.

[@WhiteRaven-z4z]

I have to agree. Something is missing in his interpretation.

[@PaigeSquared]

As an extenstion- i have joked that my mom behaves as if i was a mole that got cut off, sprung arms and legs, and went rogue. In that framework, the faces she makes at me make sense. 🤣😂🤷🏻‍♀️

[@BallersEdmonton]

I wonder if the hearing the narcissist's voice in my head, and feeling under pressure to do a lot of things I wouldn't normally do, or to serve the narcissist or to be perfect is down to the Infectious Introjection. It's like the narcissist wouldn't speak these expectations out loud, but they would appear in my head and I would feel like I have to do them so the narcissist can continue to like me.

[@philosophie6174]

You talk about how as a narcissist there is no one behind the false self. You call it great void. I think what you are feeling in that case is accumulated emotions from your past, that have become so strong, that they give a certain background feeling of unease of. One might experience this as a generell sadness, boredom Orr occasional anger in the chest. I am not a narcissist, but I have spent a lot of time with narcissists, and what I can sense in them is a great deal of anger and fury. What I am going to say is not scientific in any way, but it has worked for me. I have learned a few things about narcissists from you. So I wanted to give you something back that I think could help you. There are 2 skills you need for it. Stop your thoughts and be able to sit still for 10 minutes. And a third skill. Going into these old accumulated emotions. First they will feel like a certain heaviness. It will be very unpleasant. But after some time, maybe long time, the pain will transform itself into something else. Try to focus on the inside of the chest

[@Colonies_Dev]

i like how you brought this entire argument from a simple question, and its quite elaborate and precise too. albeit i feel like some of this can be generalized? my mother was a gold digger, and her partner only served a role in her own identity, they did not share love, but the rich man wanted young girlfriend, and my mother wanted status. and see herself as wealthy and posh.

[@ES-hy2wi]

You are absolutely correct there are women and men that marry for this very reason for identity money the life style, not love for both parties.And in reality, they cheat on the partner because they are not truly happy maybe he is happy but being a younger women she will have a eye for younger men.I know this my son works in retail selling and he is handsome single and he tells me about these type of women that marry older men or men they are not attracted to the guy thinks he has a devoted woman as soon he turns his back she try to flirt with him and is totally discussed and let's them know that they are trash in a indirect way to shame them a look .He has older rich women who flirt with him, and he just ignores them..

[@sp-io7ep]

Thank you. A genuine question: if all interactions of the narcissist with the snapshot play out internally , like a movie in his own mind, why does the narcissist want (or need?) the other person in his physical presence? Why does he talk to the real life person if the conversation only and already takes place in his own mind? Why is physical presence of the other person needed after the narcissist already has made his snapshot to interact with?

[@indanhe]

I think I can answer this. The narcissist needs the supply to fuel the internal narrative. Because the narcissist is not completely delusional but lets say 80%, is internal fantasy does at some points break down and he gets a glimpse into the real world but it’s too painful for him so he then needs to retreat into is internal fantasy world again through new supply.

[@peterhoekstra2957]

Thanks!

[@lesleyt83]

Possible that the narcissist takes elements from the external object as the basis for his relationship to the internal object (meaning the snapshot of the internal object is not totally independent from the external) and thus twists and extrapolates words and actions coming from the external object to fit his narrative in the shared fantasy?

[@AiradLab]

And psychopaths are also interacts with the internal object?

[@sehc100]

Mind blowing! Thank you!

[@tiakennedy1681]

Thank you 🙏

[@alexpeers9863]

My dear Prof, Your videos are, of course, exceptional. However, your sound quality is appalling. Please could you record in a room with some sound insulation/deadening. Maybe a better microphone might also help your viewer count. We just can't hear you very well. Thank you.

[@jesabeltwin5051]

I can hear perfectly well every word. Maybe you should get some better speakers.

[@alexpeers9863]

@@jesabeltwin5051 Very glad that you can hear so well. Maybe you are part wolf. Yet, this poor old human is still having trouble hearing. But thanks so much for writing that reply. It was very kind of you to dip your proverbial oar into a situation that has nothing to do with you. Good luck out there. May your hearing be ever perfect for all time.

[@julialamprell8230]

Ventriloquists dummy

[@FannyFound]

You’re kind of weird