one month ~realistic~ postpartum update

[@annabiz12]

You’re doing great Sarah! Just remember Fern was 3 weeks early, and many babies go 2 weeks after dd so some new borns are actually 5 weeks older than Fern! She’s still figuring out the outside world and might be fussier because of her age. It doesn’t change anything but it might make you feel better about the “TikTok moms”. Also remember she is your first so everything is new. To me it feels like the “do it all” moms are usually on their second at least so they have a bit more experience to go on. Sending love from another new mom (9 months yesterday) and just know it gets so much better!! ❤

[@sarahhawkinson]

thank you ❤️

[@baleek4367]

Exactly ! For my second child, I was so much more relaxed and resilient when it comes to sleep deprivation. When you experience it all for the first time it is BRUTAL. Go with the flow and at your own pace. ❤

[@gaelmarcou3101]

👅😛🤑Sa va🥰😍😘

[@jteal6251]

Oh, yeah! I was so afraid to drive with you in the car. I remember driving home from my dad's when you cried all the way home. All I could do was talk to you, then nurse you as soon as we got home. I don't think you were scarred by it, princess. Love, Mom

[@kikimorewarrior]

I'm not a parent, but hearing you talk about the productivity stuff I just wanna scream that you ARE doing so much!! Breastfeeding and having your baby around is a giant task in itself and remember than parents on tiktok only show the 1% when they're able to go out and do stuff, like if you'd record at Target and post it titled "How i shop with my newborn" without showing the struggles! That's the thing about tiktok, it's full of toxic positivity and unrealistic standards, not just looks-wise. You're really doing amazing no matter how much you "do" because what you're doing is raising and caring for your baby (even if shes sleeping and you feel like you should be taking care of something "productive")! Sending much, much love!

[@Beeks83]

Hey Sarah - mom of 4 here and I just wanted to say - you’re doing GREAT! All of those videos of moms on TikTok where they seem like they have it all together - they’re lying. The first couple months are a blur. Sending you all of the best. You seriously are doing great. You can see how safe and comfortable Fern feels with you. ❤❤ as far as hobbies - you’ll get there. It’ll take some time but you will find yourself again and you’ll be an even better version of who you used to be.

[@Sarah-ty5ev]

Fern is adorable! I don't know if this helps, but when I am in public and hear a baby screaming I don't judge their caretakers. I always feel bad because the caretakers must be very stressed about it, and that is the only way babies can communicate. Hang in there!

[@SpookyPookster]

For real! Even prior to having my own, I was like awwww I wanna help!

[@klinta937]

Oh Sarah, I wish there were more videos like this when I first became a mom. It was sooooooo hard, I felt like my baby was just completely different than everyone else's babies. Nothing was going how it was "supposed" to be going. Everything was such a struggle: breasfeeding, sleeping, her weight gain, you name it. I could not put her down for the first few months of her life. She would just scream so hard, she would start choking/gagging and throw up. I literally held her 24/7. On the toilet, in bed etc. I did everything with one hand and I basically didn't shower. When I tried to put her down and take a super quick shower, she would wake up/get unhappy within minutes, and I would jump out dripping wet just to pick her up before she starts chocking on her own saliva. I felt like I was in a constant state of fear and anxiety. Same with walks, very similar to your experience. I had to take our dog out, and it was so frickin stressful. We lived in an apartment at the time, and I just knew that she would only be ok for the first few minutes, after that it will be just screaming until we got back home. It was always so rushed and stressful. Car rides were a nightmare, too. Both my husband and I were stressed out of our minds any time we had to leave the house. And no one around me seemed to be in a similar situation. Hanging out and talking to other moms just made me feel like shit. I felt like I was definitely doing something wrong even though I knew I've tried everything. Watching instagram moms was even worse, I actually stopped going on there really early on during pp because I could just start crying watching all these perfectly put-together moms with their perfectly happy babies in their cribs/bassinets/car seats. I literally felt just barely alive with the lack of sleep and all the other struggles. So sorry to dump this here, not sure what the purpose of it was lol, it just kind of came out. Listening to your pp story brought back memories, I guess. My baby is 16 months now, life is very different now. I feel like I've gotten so much of myself back (or found a new me, I suppose), my little girl is so much more indepentent now (even though she's still pretty stuck to me lol), it's night and day compared to those first few months. Thank you for being so transparent. People need to see the reality (or the many different possible realities), it's beautiful but it's also extremely hard. I know that this video would've made me so happy back when I was struggling so thank you again for putting yourself out there with no filter (literally and figuratively). You might feel like you're barely surviving but you're killing it! 💪

[@inkasaraswati7625]

You and your baby are troopers! My baby is 7 weeks and is frequently extremely hard to settle, and I'm constantly wondering what's wrong with me/my baby, and I really worry about her development (if I can sneak in 1 minute tummy time then it's a good day, she hates it, even on me), and every thought in between that I'm sure you can imagine. At what age has it started to get better for your baby?

[@bogglqueen]

I love your supportive and relatable story ! Mom's have to stick together more !

[@cookinglab6238]

@@inkasaraswati7625 I'm sorry that your question was addressed not to me but as a mom of 3 children (the youngest is 14 months now) - it was around 3-4 months when everything becomes better. You might be somewhere in the middle of the "purple cry". So the anxiety of your baby is absolutely normal. Take the deep breath and stay calm. Everything gonna be fine!

[@merprincesspacifica]

In the Sims4 when a pregnant sim browses parenting tips online (I forget the exact action, might be “forums”) they can end up with a negative moodlet.

[@Chelseabee55]

A small thing that might improve your life is a coffee warmer. My fiancé got me one because he was sick of me microwaving my coffee (I’m not a mom, just forgetful) and I can’t drink it cold. I put it on the warmer and it’s perfect. Absolute game changer.

[@lanabanana5301]

Honestly considering you've barely slept for a month you're looking great. A beautiful mama

[@lindsayann9856]

Don’t be so hard on yourself! My daughter would cry for like two hours straight every evening from like 5-7pm 🤦🏼‍♀️ it was tough and we finally got into a nice little rhythm of naps and awake time and it worked itself out. You got this!

[@krisb6001]

Yes! I am 5 1/2 months postpartum and I have never done anything more difficult in my life. I didn’t know I would take it all so hard especially breastfeeding. I loathed the women who went for walks everyday immediately after birth.. My anxiety was SKY HIGH at the beginning too when going out but it truly gets SO much better. It just takes time. You got this! ♥️

[@geaniehurta6575]

I’m almost 8 months postpartum and it get so much easier! Those early days were some of the hardest days of my life, but now I look back at that time and realize how strong it made me. It was like taking a crash course in moming. Hang in there girl!! ❤❤❤ congratulations! It’s the best!

[@athenafur]

Comparison is the thief of joy. You’re doing amazing. Don’t scroll too much and compare because who knows what’s really going on in their lives. 💓💓💓

[@josey22393]

I avoided all baby/motherhood content because it gave me anxiety for the first 6-8 months postpartum and I think it may have been one of the best things for my sanity. For me it wasn't sleep/crying that I compared, it was milestones. There's just not enough perspective in the beginning to realize that babies all progress at their own pace

[@cristy5188]

I have a toddler. I definitely felt this video when she was a newborn and throughout the first year old of her life.

[@mistress_mercury]

Oh Sarah honey everything you described was exactly how my daughter was as a newborn. Please stop looking at social media mums, it will depress you. I had to stop because like you I couldn't understand why all their babies were happy and the mums looked so put together and I was unable to leave the house. I couldn't go to mother's group because my girl screamed the entire time and the rest of the babies were happy. It made me so depressed. I found things got easier at 6 months but I made the decision to only have one child as I just don't have the mental and emotional capacity for more. It does get better I promise. I promise you will enjoy it when things better and a lot of that will have to do with her sleeping longer. Sleep deprivation is the most effective form of torture for a reason. You've got a supportive community here x

[@raysa_n]

Thank you for sharing your story because I went thru a similar experience as a new mom and hardly meet other people that are honest like this. Thank you.

[@braainzz]

my experience postpartum was very similar. i wish i had seen videos/comments like this back when i was going through it instead of fake perfect social media parents.

[@hayleymar]

Yes! I remember going to the little New Baby classes my hospital offered for free, and all these other babies were just hanging out on the floor, sleeping in the bright lights and noise, doing adorable little whimpers when they start to get upset. Then there was me with my baby who would go straight to 11 on the scream scale and refused to be put down anywhere or only slept in the most specific conditions. I felt so alienated by those classes, by seeing anyone else's experience, by my mom talking about how easy my siblings and I were in comparison. Finding out about "high needs baby" stuff honestly saved me from thinking I had somehow broken my baby lol I honestly think that these babies are basically suffering from Locked In Syndrome or whatever it is, where they want to engage with the world and do so much more than they are capable of. My high needs baby is now a brilliant, independent, creative preschooler, super articulate. Her big brain finally gets to flourish unhindered by a useless infant body lol

[@mistress_mercury]

@@hayleymar yes exactly my daughter is high needs too but now that she's in preschool she's thriving! We get a rough start but it gets so much better

[@jimtami1]

I’m so sorry you’re struggling. I have three kids and it does get better. Babies sense your feelings so try to be chill and not worry about keeping up with the tik tok crowd. Thanks for another great video. Tami

[@aaronmichael1201]

14:57 "She's HUGE!" Fern: *giggles, all like "yes ma'am, I am!"* EDIT: Like everyone else in the comments have said, you and Ryan are doing amazing. I have loved following your motherhood journey, from you finding out you're pregnant and revealing it to us, to your birth journey, to now. You are giving such a voice to new mothers in a way that pitch-perfect KZbinrs/TikTokers/social media parents often don't: Admitting with honesty how difficult it is, how draining and identity-challenging new parenthood is. Your videos and testimonies (is that the correct word?) will no doubt help other new parents feel less alone and more understood. Thank you for your videos. Also, HI FERN! - Aaron

[@alexfortin4984]

I’m due February 27. I’m scared of giving birth but postpartum scared me the most. I’m someone who needs to sleep A LOT and it scares me so bad. My boyfriend is gonna be home with me for the first 2 months and we will be using formula so I hope it’s gonna help us getting a little more sleep. I’m also very anxious and can easily get depressed, this means higher risk for PPD. I want to be the best mom so bad and it’s scary. It’s comforting to see some examples like you instead of just looking at people on TikTok who make it seems so easy. You are both doing great don’t give up, it’s hard but temporary.

[@p3ttypouts337]

My baby is almost a year old and I JUST started feeling more like myself. Just started going out more and seeing more people. Therapy really helped and new meds to adjust to the new period of my life. I had my baby in February and the winter season wrecked me!! Alls to say, your feelings are totally valid!! Some days you cherish this new season and some days you just want them to be over!! Take it day by day, have commission for yourself and your partner 💓💓

[@notflorencepugh]

Motherhood is sooooooooo normalized when in reality, IT'S A BIG DEAL. You're creating human, living, breathing life and it comes OUT OF YOU. It changes your body, sense of self, routine, and EVERYTHING. You're doing the best you can, and you're terrific at it. Keep sharing your experience if it helps you vent and find a community of other moms who feel the same.

[@KathleenMayhew]

You’ll be going places and doing things soon. The first 3 months I pretty much only left the house for our doctor appointments or short walks around the block. I was DRAINED physically and mentally and I bled for 6 weeks postpartum and taking care of a baby and myself in public felt overwhelming! After 3 months it started to feel so much easier and we began having outings a couple of times each week. Now he’s 14 months old and we go somewhere nearly every day… the library, a toddler music class, museum, explore a new park, grocery shopping, etc. we do it all! He also started consistently sleeping from 7pm until 5am without waking around the 5 month mark, so even if I stay up until 11pm to catch up on chores and enjoy some downtime, I get 6 hours of straight sleep. It’s so good, haha. The early weeks are so tough, but you’ve got this. ❤

[@calmaconejo]

Samantha Ravndahl said in one of her post partum videos that having a nanny is something a lot of content creators hide from their content, and that creates that false impression that they have everything together just by themselves. It takes a village to raise a baby, so doing most of the day by yourself is a huge task. Please keep that in mind when you compare yourself to the 'put together' moms.

[@brittneygonzalez6951]

You are not alone my son was my first child he never slept, breastfeeding was not what I expected at all I basically underestimated how trapped I would feel in those first 6 months. That being said it got so much easier after he 6 months old at the time it feels never ending but It will go by so fast. Never feel like you have to apologize for how you feel as a new mom people may have all these expectations of you and you have of yourself but getting through is enough. You got this very mom who is trying their best is a super hero you brought a life into the world a few month of just watching movies and taking care if that little life is more then enough.

[@Anomaisie]

This is so real, thank you. I felt so bad the first few months when everyone shows the bliss they were feeling while I was feeling like a shell of a person. I don't think it's talked about enough, the way having a new human who relies completely on us is so hard. I barely remember the first 3 months of our sons life because I was so disassociated and focused on making sure he was alive at every minute of the day that it was hard to really enjoy it. The stress and anxiety my body went through is still with me almost 3 years later. I'm finally getting back on medication for depression and anxiety, but I just wanted to say thank you. You have shared your journey with us despite the hardest parts and that is amazing. I hope this helps others feel as seen and validated as this has for me.

[@AlinaKat3]

Yes 100%!

[@Steph-wf2eg]

Ryan sounds like a gem, you're doing great! No parent feels like they're doing enough and it's a lot of work to figure out what you're baby wants/needs and when works best for them

[@audramae7726]

I’m 11 weeks pp. one thing that worked for my daughter during the witching hour was a hand held fan. Blowing cold air on her face would shock her out of her screaming fits and most of the time she’d go to sleep. The screaming would tire her out so much! You’re doing great, mama! Remember that!

[@Scoutmhen]

Just remember: this phase is only temporary. You will adjust to your new role and she will eventually sleep through the night. Just wait for the first laugh. ❤ I had a winter baby too and so much of what you said resonated with me. She’s beautiful! You are doing a great job! P.S: the sleep deprivation is terrible!!!! Nobody tells you that.

[@angelm795]

I'm 8.5 months pregnant, so grateful for your videos and honesty. Much love Sarah and Fern 💕

[@ginagina909]

As a mom of teenagers changing and finding my identity is always difficult. The balancing act is hard for working and stay at home moms.

[@raekrist]

Sarah! I've been watching and loving your videos for years. I'm 33 and have a 4 year old son (who never slept well. Even now years later I almost cried when you said you would pay good money for 3 hours of sleep in a row because I was there for a long time too) and my daughter is 18 months old. I've never commented on a video before, but I was moved to say thank you for sharing your genuine and raw feelings through the difficult days of postpartum. This is a video I wish I had seen when I had my first baby back in 2018. The darkest days of my life were the postpartum months/year after I had my first child. Postpartum is fucking HARD. if you're only surviving that is enough even though it feels like hell. It's so exhausting and draining and you're so damn sleep deprived that you're in a haze. The anxiety during new motherhood is through the roof. I also exclusively breastfed my babies and also had a child who was never a "good sleeper". we even paid for a sleep consultant when my son was 9 months old because we hadn't slept through the night even then. It takes its toll on you emotionally, physically, and also disrupts your relationship with your partner. Right now everything feels hard and blended together and never ending. You lose yourself. Pregnancy, birth, and motherhoods break you open, but I promise you will be put back together and your life, worldview, and the amount of love you're able to give and receive will deepen beyond what you were able to experience before you made this transition into motherhood. I'm so sorry that you are experiencing darkness right now. Please know that many of us do and although it is common, it doesn't last forever, but the love you and your daughter share together does.

[@omowhanre]

I had help for the first 3 months with with both kids (6 months with the first) and a loving helpful husband. After that experience and STILL being overwhelmed, I’m disgusted by the lack of care, support and free resources for Moms and Dads. Whenever anyone tries to shame people for not having or wanting kids in America, it takes everything in me not to stab someone in the eye with a very sharp object. The rage is real especially when people pretend to care about families and children but it doesn’t show in public policy or event rhetoric. Best of luck. Things get better

[@joannasaunders2179]

Breastfeeding takes so much energy so please don't feel bad! Also I had postpartum anxiety and it was awful, please reach out and talk about treatment options for you!

[@TurningPages90]

Everything you’ve said was me back in September / October. Postpartum was the hardest thing I’ve ever actually done. It’s so hard, but you are doing fantastic! Just keep doing what you’re doing, don’t compare yourself to anything on social media and know that it gets so much easier! My boy is just over 6 months old and life is good. Still different, but he’s settled, only wakes up twice during the night and I have a small amount of time for hobbies. Well done momma! X

[@emilyssimplelife2230]

Thank you I needed this I feel some of this still my little is 4months old

[@CaterpillarZ903]

I watched this when I was pregnant and now rewatching it with my week old babe in my arms. I’m even more grateful you made this video. It’s so much more overwhelming and emotional than I thought it’d be. Literally cried everyday. Thank you for always being raw and honest.

[@tess5564]

Getting ready to have my 4th baby and have struggled with postpartum and many aspects of having a newborn, and have been feeling so nervous to experience it again and this was very relatable and a good reminder to just take it one day at a time.

[@lifeofafox7051]

As a none parent, every realistic parent seems to suggest you rest when the baby is sleeping. If you really feel you need to tidy give yourself 10-15 minutes and then focus on you for a bit. A bit of reading, a puzzle or just a nap. Sounds like parenting is so difficult, hopefully you'll find it gets easier over the next month but don't be too hard on yourself 💕

[@taylordurnan1931]

I have a 5 week old daughter who I’m breastfeeding and I’m so glad I came across this video. I feel like I’m screwing this up so bad bc of how fussy she is at night and how often she wants to eat in the evenings. I have no idea what I’m doing with naps, everything is a struggle right now. I love her so much, but this is so hard. Thank you for talking about your experience, it’s made me feel so much better about mine

[@rebeccassweetmusic4632]

Fern is so precious

[@baleek4367]

It really takes me back to my daughters newborn stage. Hang in there ! I felt so anxious I didn’t want to leave the house either. Go at your own pace and do not compare. Stop tiktok ! I would recommend listening to podcasts while you feed her, or audiobooks, especially at night

[@jessicapreston9808]

Thank you for sharing this Sarah. I’ve been a follower for so many years and I got pregnant in October. Unfortunately we lost the baby at 11 weeks. It was devastating! We are trying to decide if we still want to have a baby. I just appreciate any honest talk about the postpartum experience! ❤ you!!!! And congrats on your beautiful fern baby 🥰🥰

[@alanat5816]

Sarah you are doing so much!! Adjusting with a newborn is hard, but you’re a rockstar. So is Fern. Definitely invest in noise cancelling headphones or Loop earplugs - not to ignore her cries, but to help mute the sound for your brain health. You got this

[@PokeGirl7]

give yourself some grace!! you'll find a smooth routine soon enough and you'll be looking back proud of yourself for taking on such a huge life change! :) you're doing great!

[@yahairacope1726]

I feel you Sarah! The reality is from my two kids is that I didn’t come up for air until my kids 6 months and then things got a lot better when 15 months hit. The thing is newborns just cry cry cry. If you have someone who could help a few times a week so you can get some sleep that will help a lot with your mental state.

[@trinsmiless]

I don’t know if you’ve tried babywearing at all. But that was a game changer for my productivity during the newborn stage (and even now on bad days). I’ve been able to nurse during grocery trips if I have baby in the carrier or wrap. There’s some super affordable wrap carriers on amazon, which worked great for us.

[@trinsmiless]

Also it is so important to remember that you are important. You are the best mom for your baby. And to be the best for your baby, you need to prioritize your health too. Getting your partner to take even just one shift can be such a relief. As a cosleeping toddler mom, I have not slept more than 5 hours in a row since my baby was born. But on a day where I get a full 5 hours…. i’m unstoppable 😂

[@Salamandabot]

There are two types of people in this world- those who love the newborn stage, and those who hate it. I personally hated every second of it for all the reasons you’ve described. Hang in there, it does get better… and if you’re not thrilled with this stage of parenthood don’t feel bad about it!

[@Salamandabot]

Oh, and even if you hate it right now, you’re still an awesome mom ❤

[@nicolaconlan168]

I’m so glad there are new mums sharing their real experiences - I couldn’t leave the house with my daughter a newborn either as I was so anxious people would think I was a terrible mother because she cried a lot…not to mention how long it took to gather everything up to leave! I think the identity crisis is something that really needs to be spoken about as well - I went through the exact same thing and still have to remind myself to take time and try to enjoy my hobbies. It is very hard when they’re so young but they do slowly start to develop so that you can gradually do more things with and around them - warmer weather really helps too (my daughter was a January baby and my midwife recommended mother and baby groups for my post natal depression and anxiety - no one was braving the cold and showing up, it was crushing after the effort I made to get there.) The early days are so hard but they really don’t last forever - and once they can smile and interact with you it becomes so much easier 🖤 You’re doing amazingly, it’s a whole new life for you both and you’re settling into it really well 🖤 Also that first decent sleep will come I promise - the first night I got five hours together I felt like a new woman (I think that was around the eight week mark for me and it was a real turning point!)

[@nicolaconlan168]

Just to add that first good sleep came after I played white noise to help me sleep and it worked really well for both us (I couldn’t sleep even when she could as I was so anxious) - another thing that worked really well for putting her to sleep was running a hair dryer (I would switch it to cold and lie it on the floor) - discovered it completely by accident but it was a game changer when she was fighting sleep.

[@ixi9]

thank you so much for sharing, for someone still on the fence about becoming a mom, this is so helpful and eye-opening, because you always keep it real with us :) hang in there!

[@nathhen7779]

You are doing well, you are doing your best ❤️ my first daughter had silent reflux. Cried 24/7, all naps on me. Could not leave the house. It is really difficult to not be able to soothe your baby. I felt like that was my main job and I could not do it. But sometimes holding them, just be there with them is the best we can do. At two month she received medication for her reflux, plus no dairy, it changed her. The first months are rough. It will get better. 🥰 It took me one year to get my personality back. The shopping I did right after my baby was born. I sold everything because clearly I was mess in hormones. 🙈

[@erinmfranco]

I remember with my first daughter I did not enjoy postpartum at all. She didn’t sleep well and was also very irritable especially during the witching hour. I remember googling all the same things you did, it felt like I was failing. With my second just being prepared made such a world of difference even though he woke every 2-3 hours for a whole year. I knew what to expect and I was so much happier with the lack of sleep. Give yourself grace, your doing amazing!!!

[@ZizYoubizHERE]

off topic but just concealer and blush is so nice on you! and it works with how you don’t do your brows anymore. it’s a really nice shade of concealer too!

[@christinamarie6281]

This was the most relatable video I've watched post pregnancy❤ you've basically encapsulated all of my feelings here and made me feel less alone! So glad I found this and watched today being 5 weeks pp, with the identity crisis looming.

[@CheyannMIW]

Thank you for this video!! I’m 3 weeks postpartum and everything you are saying and feeling I’m feeling too ima mess and feel alone. This makes me feel a little less alone knowing I’m not the only one feeling this way

[@kimackerman2183]

You look great Sarah and seem like such a nice and strong mother. In my opinion I'm not planning on becoming a parents anytime soon since I don't like kids and find the whole pregnancy/parenthood thing terrifying since your whole like changes. Needless to say, in my mom's case and of course mine, I was lucky to be born. I was born a month early since to make things short, my mom had trouble with a previous pregnancy and didn't end up well since she lost her first born. A year later I was born and throughout my mom's pregnancy she was on constant checkups. Now I'm 25 and I may be a pessimist most of the time, but I do appreciate growing up to be this age since many don't.

[@Momba_Jules]

I’m honestly so impressed that you were even able to make and edit a video at 5wks pp. I remember the first couple months I was just a complete zombie. I’m a FTM (in my late 30’s - took us 7 years to conceive) and my baby is now 11 months old and I STILL feel like I’m in survival mode most days. Breastfeeding is hard, sleeping is hard, dealing with the baby when they’re fussy and super clingy is super hard. I love my son more than anything, but boy is this whole thing so hard! You’re doing great! Don’t compare yourself to others.. it’s the worst thing you can do. Sending you lots of sleepy vibes for baby! :)

[@laurenthomas4640]

Sarah, you are doing amazing. My first baby was very much like Fern. I also had the same experience where I did not know about wake windows and would wind up with a screaming baby. A really helpful mindset for me is to always remember that EVERYTHING is a phase. Good or bad. Babies change so rapidly, nothing lasts forever. You just have to keep your head above water during the bad, and try to enjoy the good. I type this with my second baby in my arms. She is almost 4 months old. She could not be MORE different than the first. I feel like I am the Tik Tok moms your describing this time around haha. But with my first it was SO hard , exactly as you are describing. Every baby is different as you said. I promise, this is not about you! You're doing great!

[@jennaw1718]

You are a phenomenal mother! Look at how healthy she looks! You are providing everything she needs and she is thriving! It is so very difficult sometimes! You are giving yourself great advice...don't compare yourself to others, give yourself grace, strive for those little things that make you feel better, all of that!! Not all babies have that nightly super fussy time, but it is common! My middle child was the only one that went through that "Witching hour" crying time, and it was hard! My other babies were easier, he was still such a joy! I can look back and say that now lol! Went through alot of tears and frustration at the time though. It sounds cliche but it does not last forever. Each stage has different challenges but it will get better. You might consider looking into breastfeeding and/or postpartum support group. Getting in touch with others going through it or who have gone through it can be helpful. Remember your job really is to feed and care for her. You are succeeding. You are growing a human still. And you are both amazing ❤️

[@lindzithornton1485]

This is EXACTLY how I felt for the first few months postpartum. Now my son is almost 11 months and I finally feel a sense of “normalcy”. The journey is brutal and beautiful all at the same time. You’re doing awesome, mama!

[@jackiezulli1012]

Ugh, this is bringing back so many feelings. I promise it gets better!!! This is the absolute hardest season

[@SpookyPookster]

My Little turns a year in March! I kept hearing "it gets better!" When you are in it, it seems impossible... But I honestly does, It really does! 💗 My LO is exclusive BF, so yeah that I 100 feel you on. That you for sharing. We are all here for you and your family.

[@shiloliebau7339]

You are doing fantastic! My kids are 19 & 17 so all i can tell you is this will pass and please try not to compare yourself to other moms. All babies are different and none of the come with a manual. We are all just winging it! Sending you hugs!!!!!

[@kwcutie911]

I relate so much. I was so into being pregnant that I didn't research what happened after. I had no idea what I was doing and felt insane. It gets better but it is really really hard in the moment. Also, don't underestimate the first poop after labor. Don't.

[@saraivy]

"I feel like I can't do anything" PHEW! I said that EXACT phrase when my first child was a newbie.....I love you, You've Got This. This is hard, and I think that anyone who is making it seem like their having an easy time of it is just showing the highlight reel. I'm 6months postpartum with my 2nd and I honestly feel like I'm drowning- anxiety levels are WAY up. This is one of the hardest things one can do, and you're doing it beautifully. Just breath, take those 1% moments wherever you can, and don't EVER feel bad about needing them. It's so easy to lose yourself in motherhood- and ppd is no joke-and those 1% moments can keep you sane. If I may offer a little tip for those trips out: If this option is available to you, use a wrap instead of a stroller. It's so much easier and more comfortable, and it's just nice for both of you. Those little ones love to be close to mama at all times, it keeps them calm and feeling safe. I find it also allows me more freedom of movement. BONUS!! random people tend to stay away and not feel so quick to get all up in your baby business bringing their random germs. Give it a try or not, it doesn't work for everyone but it may work for you❤ I use the Moby wrap but there are all different kinds. This is such a beautiful and difficult time, and we're all just figuring it out as we go. If you ever wanna talk mom-life, Feel free to reach out any time 💜

[@brittanykeyes1688]

It took me awhile to watch this because I knew you were able to breastfeed and I wasn’t able to so videos that talk about it trigger my mom guilt so bad. That being said, thank you for your honesty. We had our babies not too far apart and I felt all of these things too so I completely understand. It’s nice to feel like we aren’t alone

[@angel_existential]

I can completely relate. Just know it does go so fast. She will be sitting up and crawling before you know it. It's good to be in the moment, but don't forget that soon she will talk and call you mama. I had zero energy for about 3 years after my youngest. Sleep is everything. You'll find a balance. Planning and preparing are the name of the game. You are not alone, and you will get through this and go back to being you. Just takes time.

[@michelleelford]

I feel you and empathize with you so much! Remember that tik tok is the highlight reel. Drive thrus are your friend - if your baby likes the car and falls asleep especially. You're so right about the wake windows - I'm still learning that with my second baby. Try to listen to your instincts - if you think I wonder if or we should try this - do it!! It's all an experimentation to see what your baby likes. It will get better and nobody is able to really remember the first couple months lol. I think a day in the life video could help you feel like you're marking this time and in a couple months you'll look back and see how much better it's gotten. My second kid is two months and I think it's gone so much better cuz my expectations are so much lower. Also - talk to your doctor and let them know how you're doing emotionally!

[@cheyenekenny3197]

You’re doing great! I’m also a new mom, my boy wouldn’t latch was gassy colic and has acid reflux so I completely understand the guilt of feeling of wanting the bad period to be over. We are almost at four months now and I’m the last month he is now sleeping 5/6 hours at night! It will come and the little smiles and laughs throughout the day really make things better. You’re a great mama, try keeping your head up I promise good days are coming ❤

[@vanessalaughtland4417]

You're honestly doing so well, and so much of what you said was true of me at this time last year. I had my daughter in January 2022, and I can hard relate to being worried about leaving the house because of the baby crying, having to feed them on the go, etc. All I can say is it DOES get easier. I used to hate people saying that to me because it felt like useless information at the time, but it is the truth. I found just going out to places nearby helped, and with other people - the support is great, and you can beat a quick retreat if need be and you're not feeling ready! But don't rush it honestly, you have all the time in the world. I also found that when my baby was a bit older, maybe around the 3 month mark, going to baby classes, baby cinema screenings etc. really built my confidence - when you're surrounded by other parents with their babies, you know at least that you're in a safe space and no one will judge you for a fussy baby! Keep going, you've got this :)

[@charlotteejackson]

I have a 10 month old little girl, the witching ‘hour’ was killing me! My mum told me to get out of the house and go for her walk, I would put her in the baby carrier and then go for a walk, it’s the only thing that would work. I would laugh because on that walk you will see at least 3 other parents doing the same thing 😂 your doing such a good job mumma ❤

[@Mljones596]

THANK YOU for mentioning the shield

[@aliciahall1152]

A ring sling is super helpful for nursing in public. Wear a nursing tank and a regular shirt over it. No one will know what you are doing and she will still be able to see your face unlike with a nursing cover. Baby wearing is also super helpful for keeping peoples hands off your baby in public. My babies didn't sleep well either and when they were awake they wanted to be held and interacted with. My baby with colic was my best sleeper. Sometimes when you have done all the things you can to comfort them you just hold them while they cry. It gets easier bit by bit. You are doing great some babies are just more needy, but she knows if she needs you you are there for her.

[@Yukiandyumi23]

Sarah, you are doing great! Hats off to all the mamas out there that breast feed, it wasn’t for me I had bottles and could recover from the colicky nights (yes my first had colic the word still sends chills down me) with my mum coming over a doing a couple of feeds so I felt remotely normal. It does pass quick and before you know it Fern will be mobile. Enjoy every moment 😊

[@JessFMcC]

its a lot!! I had a hard time with my first, couldn't fonction properly for months and my world revolved entirely around her. she's now 3 years old and her baby brother is 10 months old. Trust me, it gets easier. if I have one advice, it would be to consider sleep training when she's older(we did it at 7-8 months old) , 5-10-15 method did wonders for us, a bit of crying is involved but after 1-2 weeks they really get used to sleep in their crib. Cosleeping tends to be popular nowadays but its hard to break the habit and I really believe it impacts your relationship with your significant other as well. some might disagree with me, but both my babies are much happier since they've been sleeping through the night (obviously its not the same with a newborn) anyways, regardless, you're doing amazing 👏❤️ rest as much as you can, and just remember it will get easier as time passes :) they really grow up so so fast 🥺

[@ninanewman484]

Don't be so hard on yourself mama! You'll gain more confidence with time, I promise. I was where you're at with my firstborn. There will definitely be ups and downs, it all depends on what's going on with their development, how fussy they are and so on. It's ok, it's all phases. Now I have my second newborn and it's much easier and I enjoy it more too, I think due to the increased confidence this time. I agree very much with your recommendation to research breastfeeding and baby sleeping patterns and development. It's a lot of work and new things happen every week ! You're doing great

[@thewinterland]

You're doing a great job! This is really bringing back memories. I had all this anxiety too. For me I noticed other mums seemed to be able the breastfeed easier and not for as long (each session). I found out I had low supply but not until my son didn't put on weight like he was supposed to. Might be something worth looking into, my son was super fussy too, especially at night because he wasn't getting enough milk. I would also say don't be hard on yourself if you need to supplement with formula. If Ryan could get up with her at least one feed overnight then you could get some consecutive hours sleep. If the anxiety continues like this you might need to seek some help, I did, and I'm wish I had done it sooner. Sleep, bottle feeding and antidepressants saved my life...there's no shame in it. My kid turned out fine.

[@brimarie4196]

It sounds like things are going way more difficult than a lot of the people you see online. Like you said no two baby's are the same, and it sounds like she's a fussy baby and that's hard as hell. You're doing your best, and that's best for baby!

[@amberelizabeth3439]

Not even halfway though the video but I just had to pause and say you are not alone in how you’re feeling!! Having a baby is the hardest things I’ve ever done - I was an absolute wreck in the beginning. My baby is just a week shy of being a year old and only now is he starting to sleep better at night. I won’t say it’s ever easy but it does get easier!! ❤

[@noelleiscoolful]

My baby was born one week after Fern and I relate to you on so much of this. It's so good to know I'm not alone.

[@callmeclaireee]

I hope you know that you’re such a good mom. 🥺🖤

[@Tronderose]

25:30 You should get an electric mug warmer, they're honestly great! I use mine all the time when I'm gaming and don't have time to keep sipping :') 27:49 I can highly relate as I live above the arctic circle and we have several months with no sun!! When it comes back it's honestly euphoric. We're planning to move south this summer so I don't have to deal with that anymore. I hope it gets better for you

[@juliarenner7701]

I would love monthly updates! & never forget you are doing the best you can and that’s enough ♥️

[@AlinaKat3]

I can relate SO MUCH to your experience. When I had my son, I felt like a zombie. I felt like I was actually going crazy. He is almost 3 now and finally sleeps through the night most nights (but not all!). I'm about to have my second so maybe I am crazy lol

[@puzzlingteacher7294]

I totally understand. You are doing a great job! My daughter is now 15 years old and this brings me back.

[@trudiehoward2698]

Please be kind to yourself. Every baby is different, and Fern was born early. Also remember that TikTok videos are at most 3 minutes long. People are only sharing what they want you to see. There are some great people on mumtok but also a lot of toxicity. You do you! Don’t compare yourself or beautiful Fern with anybody else. The most important thing is that you and baby are doing well. She will settle and you will find your routine. Talk to your midwife (I’m not sure how things work where you are though, I’m in uk!) about any concerns you have. But please be kind to yourself, it’s not easy but I promise you this period will be gone before you know it. She is absolutely gorgeous xx

[@hayleymar]

Nodding my head so hard when you talked about learning about wake windows and stuff. I think my first was around the same age as Fern when we learned about getting overtired and wake windows and all that crap. I totally thought babies would sleep if they were sleepy. It seems so incredibly unfair that they require more work to get to sleep the more tired they are. I ended up trying so many tricks to help her sleep (especially because she ended up being EFF because of BF issues) and learning the perfect ritual for her and working so hard to protect her naps. Nights got a lot better after that. Anyway, in conjunction with the wake window stuff, maybe look into high needs baby - likely because you are a highly sensitive person, she could be too and babies often express that as being a high needs baby. Her sleep fighting might also mean that down the line she might be a low sleep needs toddler. My anxiety made me fight to make my first nap as much as she was "supposed" to, and it was a bad time for us both. It took a lot of time for me to learn to follow her lead and accept that she doesn't need as much sleep as most of her peers, and she will be okay/healthy/etc with the sleep that she gets.

[@noraahrens7872]

Hi Sarah, I’ve been following you for many years but never commented on one of your videos. I wanted to thank you for all the amazing content you have made and hopefully are still going to make, you’re so down to earth and real! It’s amazing to have seen you grown from young woman into a mom! I’m so here for the next chapter of your channel (if you feel like it of course). I wish you all the best with Ryan and your little girl, take care. Love, a long-time fan :)

[@xkristixx]

I truly appreciate hearing other's honest experiences with having their first child so thank you for sharing! I'm a 30 year old who's been together with their husband since 13, and I've been undecided about having kids for the longest time (at one point adamant about not having them). But as I'm aging and have less time left to have them, we've been talking more and more about kids. While I'm getting around to the idea of having (a) kid, everything about the process and outcome scares me. What if I resent it? What if I want to go back to my life before? I have a fulfilling career that I love and I would need to sacrifice that for a few years to avoid the financial burden of daycare. I value my free time to do things I love like walk my dog, play videogames, watch shows I enjoy, kickbox, etc. These are the second guessing thoughts that run through my head.

[@alyssacampbell1176]

Our stories are so similar. My son was three weeks early and the first 4-6 weeks were SO hard. You’re not alone. The anxiety and identity crisis is real but so is how strong you are and how good of a mom you already are. Lean into that strength and be kind to yourself. Thank you for being so honest.❤

[@paintingsbypellie]

I had the same problem. My son was always crying and barely slept. I had severe anxiety and depression. I ended up with PPD. I miss him being little but I do not miss all the things that came with that.

[@rachelle5067]

you just described my life with my 3 month old and i had to come back to say it’s incredible to have you talk so openly about your experience bc i’ve been terrified to admit any of it out loud.

[@sarahgrenz1151]

Thank you for this video. My baby is one week behind your little girl. I share in the same struggles with my son not sleeping much at night and being really colicky. It’s so hard hearing about other moms sleep training their babies and having them sleep successfully through the night. It makes me feel like I’m doing the mom thing all wrong. And the wake window…my son fights naps too. It’s tough. I’d love to see more videos on a day in the life with a newborn or videos on random motherhood/baby talks. Hang in there. You’re a wonderful mom…don’t doubt that ❤

[@Happilyhaleyafter]

Learning to nurse in the carrier and just baby wearing in general makes going out so much easier. Also during the evening/witching hour when she is upset try going outside if it’s not too cold. Somehow that works like magic.

[@thebackpackingbookwyrm]

You're doing great. I can't even imagine how hard being a mother is, and have no plans to find out. But I can tell you that most people, even the child free crowd will NOT judge parents when their babies are crying, etc. On the note of getting out with Fern maybe making a routine of walks in your neighborhood or a nearby park would be less anxiety inducing? Plus great for your mental health.

[@kholder88]

Pumping and supplementing formula (started at 3 months) were a life saver! You're doing great! It's such a hard transition that is almost impossible to prepare for.

[@alexmejia1028]

You are doing great! All babies are different, you’ll find what works(I know it’s not easy) and you’ll find your sanity again. It’s still so early. I totally understand the envy of others too, my baby was a terrible sleeper(still isn’t the best even as a toddler) and I saw sooo many people with these calm little babies and I had a fussy night owl. Even now, my boyfriend’s friend just had a baby and she has a huge supply of milk and their baby is sleeping no problem. I like to think that sometimes fussier babies just work differently, my son is 3 now and is still pretty high energy and struggles with sleeping at night, but he is sooo smart and has so many areas where he’s exceeding expectations, so sleep just isn’t his thing haha. Every parent has their own struggle, whether they show it online or not. We also found baby sensory KZbin videos to help when nothing else could calm our baby at night. Hey Bear Sensory was a great channel that worked well for us. And I know you’re having trouble with your car, but car rides with music helped both me and my baby mentally. Now that I’ve rambled on for so long, I hope you know you’re doing your best and you are exactly what your baby needs.

[@CatzMarina]

It’s a yes for me for vlogs 💛 You’re doing great Sarah, I’ve heard other new moms here on KZbin talking about how the new born stage is so hard and how it’s not realistic to expect to have a routine at first. As for those TikTok’s, not only are all babies different but also - and as a content creator I’m sure you know that - a short clip does not show you the whole reality of those moms. Most of them are probably struggling too. You got this 😊

[@makennah23]

You are doing amazing! 💞My son is about to be two, and those first few months were the hardest of my life. I legit didn’t go anywhere alone with him until he was 5 months, I was terrified to do anything with him. I would also cry watching tik toks and seeing these other parents going everywhere, having routines and etc. I definitely felt like a shell of myself too but that changed as he got bigger. It’s all so hard, but I hope things start improving and you’re able to get more sleep soon!

[@kennaharrison603]

You are amazing I just adore you. You are already a great mom, I never had kids and hearing all this thru you is quite the education. Hope sleep times get longer for both of you soon.

[@jessicapearse6144]

youre incredible

[@bunchacrunchlucy-7753]

Fern is so beautiful!! Thank you for being so real. Makes me feel not as alone with my anxiety. I am 3 months postpartum and the most I have cooked is cream of wheat and macaroni!! It does get better. Even though it is better, I am still looking forward to even betterer. So impressed you take walks 3-4x a week. I get out for a walk with my baby once a week! The gummy smiles are so precious and heartwarming. Hang in there!