THE GENTLE POTTY TRAINING METHOD | Calm, Child Led Toilet Training | SJ STRUM

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This week I'm sharing my tips for potty training; I've taken them from a mixture of Gentle Parenting, Montessori Techniques and just experience from potty and toilet training 3 kids! I hope you find this interesting. There's no "one way' to parent and each child will be different so if this might not be for you - it's just another way that you might find more suits you. I've enjoyed it a lot and found it much calmer than before.
I chose not to show my daughter in this video so sorry there's not a lot of cut aways and demos! I'm sure you understand :-)
Sarah Ockwell Smith - www.amazon.co.uk/Gentle-Potty...
Montessori Toddler: www.amazon.co.uk/Montessori-T...
#pottytraining #gentleparenting #channelmumtalent

[@charlieboekee6873]

I totally do the "Mummy needs a wee, let's go together" as soon as we arrive somewhere and when we're leaving! Works a treat!

[@SJ_Strum]

Charlie Boekee yes perfect 😂😂 always true too 😂😂😂😂😂

[@blakeybasher]

This is what is missing in the you tube world of potty training videos! Sometimes PT videos seem sensationalised because the creator needs it to stand out from the masses which isn't helpful outside of the you tube world at all. I'm really enjoying these videos based around Montessori and respectful parenting. I know it's not the most popular topic for likes and views but it's so important to spread the word that competition and fitting other's ideals is not necessary! Good for you! There's a you tube channel called The Mellow Mama and she covers lots of topics regarding respectful parenting and she really goes into detail, it's an excellent channel for inspiration ☺

[@SJ_Strum]

Susan Jane ah thank you; yeah I really like mellow mama!! I love that these topics are getting more popular as I genuinely used to think there was one way to do things but it’s just good to open up to other ways and find your own style. Xxxx

[@cynaroma]

Lol I don’t even have kids & far from having them but I watched the whole video 😂

[@SJ_Strum]

Cynthia Martinez 😂😍

[@Crys-qz6sx]

Same lol I love her parenting style.

[@elizabethvaughn5694]

She's captivating. Even talking about potty training I was hanging on her every word 😂

[@KittieUpland]

I swear, I’m watching so many of your videos, when my baby arrives in December it’s really going to know your voice 😂

[@SJ_Strum]

KittieUpland ahhh 😂😂😂 Evelina is a December baby - so lovely!! All the best tv on the night shifts too - ha ha ha! X

[@nebulacoffee]

Thank you, SJ! You are a gem for sharing all of this! My little girl is a few months younger than Evelina and not quite ready for potty training yet, but I'll take another look at this when the time comes! I love your explanation of why you aren't using rewards. I can see how it's weird if it's all sticker charts, sweets and praise and then once they are "trained" it stops and it becomes a normal part of life. The toilet tour and casually walking by toilets when out and about is a great idea to help them feel less pressure. The biggest thing for me is I don't want her to feel anxiety around going to the toilet because of pressure, rushing or frustration and this really helps! xx

[@SJ_Strum]

Heather Power yes exactly heather! I still have to take my 9 year old to the toilet at home sometimes!!!! I think he was just trained that it was something he needed help with and was a big deal and I swear reading up on this I realised I think that’s why. Evelina literally goes by herself at home already and just asks me to clean the potty; I really hope she has no worries about it later xxx

[@kathrynfegan8233]

Thanks SJ. This has really helped. I have a two year old and I have just started to slightly introduce the potty and include the toilet in conversation with her. Not pushing or forcing just introducing something new. Thanks again xx

[@SJ_Strum]

Kathryn Fegan yes it’s perfect! Evelina was super interested for a while and I sat her on and we washed hands but she wasn’t really ready - then suddenly they just seem like they grow up a little bit more. The end of nappies forever for me!!!!!!! Crazy’ xxxxx

[@bethbracewell5524]

When I was little I resisted the potty when my mum tried to introduce it so she just said ok no big deal and popped me on the toilet and did the same with my little brother so cutting out the potty entirely and listening to what I wanted totally worked for her, very gentle approach I think

[@SJ_Strum]

Beth Bracewell yes totally!!! Xxxx

[@hertsmumma7150]

Some lovely ideas here, especially the self care station. I love the idea of gently helping them to develop their own independence ☺️ I will keep these in mind when I begin potty training with my youngest daughter next year. Thanks SJ xx

[@SJ_Strum]

Dorothy Checkley ah thanks dorothy! Yes that was new to me too; definitely works as she’s so independent already with going xx

[@lizharbourne2414]

Thank you so much for this video, I am using your advice & tips with my little boy who is succeeding with your wonderful methods, please keep making your gentle parenting videos they are brilliant x

[@indiaroberts3279]

I love this video there's so much pressure to potty train by a certain time and within a certain amount of time. My son is just turned 2 and I feel like he isn't ready yet. He does like coming with me when I go to the bathroom and I let him. I love the idea of when playing taking the toy to the toilet not making a big deal of it etc. Thank you.

[@DustyCerealBox]

Really interesting and useful video. Thank you for this!

[@chaoticangel444]

I watched this to help my mum with my sister or my big sister with my nephews but then I got distracted by your very calming voice and the words just melted into my brain so now I have to watch it again aha the struggles of being autistic

[@fermipaul4484]

I am very much inspired by you. You are an energetic and lovable mamma

[@SJ_Strum]

Fermi Paul ah thank you that’s a lovely thing to say xxx

[@danievans3246]

Hi SJ, another fabulous parenting video!. I Absolutely love the way even though you are on baby no3, you still wish to grow and learn as a parent and not just do what you’ve done before with the boys. I too am on my third (and final) daughter and this video has inspired me to think again about my approach To PT when the time is right. Thank you xx I hope you’re enjoying your summer together X

[@SJ_Strum]

Dani Evans ah thanks dani! I think I’ve got so much more courage in my own convictions with my third xx

[@stacycook82]

My 2.5yr old has zero interest in potty training but you know what, he's still little and I'm not worried, the nursery he will be going to accepts them in nappies and also are a brilliant help with training, he loves to feel in control so the gentle approach is something I think I'm going to try this time. The whole reward/failure thing makes so much sense!

[@kate9047]

Thanks SJ. My son is nearly 2 so we’re not quite there yet but this video gave me some good tips for when we’re ready. I’ve really been loving your gentle parenting videos. I’ve been using your tips about tantrums and they’ve really been helping. Keep up the good work x

[@SJ_Strum]

Kate F ah that’s so good to hear thanks Kate xxx

[@lolly449]

I'm currently on day 1 of potty training my 2 1/2 year old daughter and this has helped me alot more so thankyou xx

[@SJ_Strum]

Tasha Faye ah that’s great Tasha; hope it’s going well xxxxx

[@clareharford8236]

Loved this and the whole idea of gentle potty training. You're videos are so inspiring. Looking forward to watching more positive parenting ones. Xx

[@SJ_Strum]

Clare Harford thanks Clare xx

[@kaszugat]

I've been waiting for this video ever since you mentioned it on instagram! We're on the verge of potty training with our 2,5year old, but I've been pushing it forward to be able to watch this video first ☺️

[@SJ_Strum]

Kaisa ah how’s it going kaisa?!! Xxx

[@kaszugat]

@@SJ_Strum it's going great, thanks for asking! He's clearly showing signs and I'm hoping he'll be out of diapers soon. Doing this in his pace though, no need to hurry ☺️

[@lynnettegort4582]

Loving the gentle parenting series including this potty training one. I wish I would have known all this when my kids were little! 😟

[@SJ_Strum]

Lynnette Gort it’s all quite new!! So interesting how these trends pop up xxx

[@shaistahussain807]

Thanks for the tips and ideas for the potty training

[@holly.sheppard]

I love you videos Im only 12 but I still love hearing your baby name ones.

[@SJ_Strum]

Holly Sheppard thanks holly xx

[@sassylarue5217]

I bloomin' love your vids, SJ, always a different angle from the other mamas I watch on KZbin. We're taking a gentle approach with Stanley, although I didn't know that before watching this! It's a slower process, but he's really enjoying himself and no one is stressed. Aaaalso, love your lipstick and dress or shirt- would you mind sharing where they are from please? Xx

[@SJ_Strum]

Sassy LaRue ahhh thanks so much! It’s definitely a nice way to be and Evelina is going so well already and just felt so relaxing for her. It’s such an old dress! I’ll have to look up tbe make but know it was from ASOS forever ago! Xxxx

[@CazzaandKids]

This was really interesting and actually makes a lot of sense. Gracie potty trained at 2.5 year's, but I may use these tips with toddlers at work x

[@SJ_Strum]

Cazza 25 yeah I think the no rewards has been really good for independence and getting her little self care area together; xxxxxx

[@MeSimoneI]

Such interesting topics SJ and I’m enjoying watching!

[@SJ_Strum]

Ah great!!! Xxxx

[@sugarhardlyknowher]

This is wonderful! I started Elimination Communication with my daughter when she was 2 weeks old. (Which is not actually potty training, it's just learning their cues for pees and poos, and then holding them over a potty to do their business) We did that for several months but stopped when our lives got super busy. She is now 13 months and I have been looking into mainstream potty training methods for when she starts to show interest in pottying. Honestly, the methods I've read about seem too stressful and something seems off about rewarding my daughter for doing something natural and normal. That's just me though! I really like your take on respectful potty training. 🙂

[@nutripharmdmom6405]

This sounds exactly like me! I almost had her "potty trained" when she was just 13-14mo, through elimination communication... but then it got too hard with busy life and also her resisting me too much. I felt awful always asking her and looking for her cues of needing to go and trying to run her off to the toilet every time... often while she screamed no etc. That's when I stopped doing it and just gave us both a break. She's going in her diaper right now (almost 2yo), but she has started telling me when she feels like she has it coming, or when she's already done it. So I think she's starting to get ready again. My aim is to use the December holidays to do that 2 weeks stretch of "expect accidents to happen" haha because I'll have more time at home with her.... and then just keep that up with extra pajamas and underwears on hand to make it easier with a busy life. I think I also need to get her an exciting new little potty of her own, rather than putting a seat on the big toilet. So she can use the potty anywhere she likes in the beginning... just keep it accessible for her with that "self-care basket" near. I started educating myself on the visible child approach with respectful parenting, and I'm realizing this is the way to go to raise truly independent and self-secure children.

[@lizharbourne2414]

Please do more potty training tips the way you have done it including set up in the house & build up from starting out to gently nudging forward with the progress, I adore & follow all of your beautiful parenting ideas x

[@alexwholey3391]

Really helpful video. I can see where I seem to be meeting stumbling blocks with my eldest. She’s very hit and miss. But when she goes she’s excellent. We’ve been doing the reward and prompting. Failure. It’s knowing how often they need to go.

[@SJ_Strum]

Alex Wholey yes it’s so so different with each child too!!! Some can hold more as well so with one of mine he only gets the cues and needs to go immediately! Whereas Evelina can hold it really well and held it all the way to Sweden on the plane!!!!

[@emilyclark8731]

Thank you for this! I enjoyed watching a video On a different technique then the typical “3 day, reward and praise” method. My middle child is 3 and a bit yrs old and not potty trained as I majorly failed her with my own anxiety and anger of her accidents and I am at a loss as when to start training her again. She never once wanted to go on the potty herself and for 2 straight weeks it was always me telling her to go and I was just at my wits end with it. She is definitely a child of her own will and doesn’t seem bothered at all by her diaper being dirty, which is causing me confusion as to when is she actually ready to be potty trained. Sorry for the venting, lol. I am hoping perhaps the method you are describing will do the trick.

[@SJ_Strum]

Emily Clark yeah it’s super hard when they’re not showing interest and not bothered by being dirty! The book by sarah ockwell smith had techniques for that im sure so might be worth a buy? Sometimes it builds up in our minds when we feel like we failed before but just take it easy on yourself and it will be much easier already xxx

[@hayleyowen9330]

Love this! I'm on the cusp of starting potty training my two and a half year old daughter. She's my 3rd, but my older two were already potty trained at 2. I just haven't felt she's ready yet. The problem I have is, when I mention the potty or toilet, my daughter relplies with "no thank you". I didn't use rewards the last two times with potty training, but I definitely did the whole celebratory thing... Because it made me so proud 😁 Thanks for this brilliant vid. I did follow you on Insta, but for some reason I've been blocked, but I have no idea why? 🤔

[@SJ_Strum]

Aw bless her that’s so cute though with the no thank you! I’d say to wait then and you’re doing it all right so far with offering - sounds like she knows her own mind!! How random on Instagram- I’ve never blocked anybody 😂😂 what’s your Instagram name? Maybe I can add you and see if it’s blocked xxx

[@hayleyowen9330]

@@SJ_Strum My name on Insta is : hayleyjaneowen87 Hopefully it's just some sort of technical issue! Very strange....

[@abbiemartin9290]

I really love the mindset of not rewarding normal things and making them a bigger deal than they are. All my sisters blew potty training out of proportion with huge sticker charts and toys as rewards and scolding for accidents and it took each of them two years to potty train their kids that way. To me that method just doesn't work and creates stress and pressure around the simplest and most normal bodily function.

[@the_hobbs.]

Love these videos I'd love to know what some of your favourite books are about gentle parenting x

[@SJ_Strum]

Neave Maloney ah I have a storefront on amazon I’ll add the link in the description box xxx

[@savvynorthernmummy2394]

I felt such a failure when my daughter wasn't dry in a week like id read! And i was so stressed out and hated it all! I then trained my second daughter and realised it isnt textbook. Im about to potty train my third daughter and im very relaxed about it now xxx

[@AA-fz3lj]

Lovely video also love your lipstick which one is it! :)

[@SJ_Strum]

A+A ahhh thank you!!! I think it’s a chubby stick one xxx

[@andyireland2938]

Really helpful thanks. However the word "poo" seems to be obviously missing. All focus on peeing. Any reason for this?

[@LS-bn1bj]

Hi SJ!! Can you do a list of beautiful girl names like Cataleya so basically girl names which are attached to the males as in powercouples! Id love that because I find the stories behind the names interesting. Love your vids

[@SJ_Strum]

L S oooh I’ve not heard that!!! Will look it up xx

[@nutripharmdmom6405]

What are your thoughts on using pull-up diapers for potty training? Just to avoid those messes..... I suppose that won't help much with trust building and letting them really feel what peeing/pooping outside of the toilet is like, right? So are those pull-ups just a big scam?! lol

[@thomsonclan5878]

I defiantly say waiting until their ready, my first knew all the bits, and had started throwing his nappy in the bin, but he wasn’t ready, about 6 months later I could see that all the cogs had fallen into place and he was fine. My second, he held himself, I asked “do you need to go toilet” and he said “yes” he was two, he didn’t have a accident until just after he turned three, everyday he’d have a accident, he’s decided to catch a “toilet train” and since has been much better, I think he went through a regression, and was really focussed on what he was playing with. My eldest is 6, boys don’t always have the hormone that kicks in to make our urine slow down over night, so his nappy is over flowing by the morning, nothing he/or I am doing, it’s just a waiting game. We’ve been referred to the nurse, but there isn’t a lot they can do until their 7, as if the hormone doesn’t kick in I think they then give them the hormone? Or an alarm. I don’t know. 🤷🏽‍♀️

[@thomsonclan5878]

I Love The Colour Pink how rude, I’m there to tell my children what to do, I’m there to guide them.. based on the facts I have in front of me. And future children I will guide them when they are ready, and not before. Or if they ask. I talk my children through everything I do and ask how they feel, not force them to do anything and especially if I know they aren’t ready.

[@thomsonclan5878]

I Love The Colour Pink Well that’s how my mum brought me up, and I will for my children. People thought it was wrong that I went to my uncles funeral when I was 10, and seen him.. but it was my choice, that and I told my mum if she hadn’t I wouldn’t have spoken or trusted her again. He died suddenly in a car crash so I didn’t believe it until I seen him and was able to say good bye. My Nan died when I was 16, and I told my mum I didn’t want to see her as id seen her in hosptial to say good bye.. I regret seeing her and hate that my mum made me go. Children at a young age know their body’s and their minds. I respect that. As their mum I want them to learn that their thoughts and feels have value

[@thomsonclan5878]

We have so many adults with anexitys, depression. If my children cry I let them, I support them and talk about their feelings, tears last a moment, not delt with last a lifetime

[@thomsonclan5878]

I Love The Colour Pink your a mean person, never said you was a bad mother for your opinion. Your very rude. I won’t be replying to anything else.

[@katyortiz-algarin5875]

Im really considering doing this with my son. He knows when his peeing and will stare at me when his going or walk backwards. But he only goes in the potty when he wants to. Ive heard of soooo many methods😵‍💫

[@SweetDreams9392]

Hi I'm having a miracle/ rainbow baby and was thinking that would be a good idea for names

[@SJ_Strum]

SweetDreams9392 will definitely do this list; hope you’re feeling well - it’s so exciting but I know it’s nerve wracking too xxxxx

[@SweetDreams9392]

@@SJ_Strum thank you for your reply I'm doing ok just need a name I just can't think of one hopefully I will get one some and maybe you can help xXx

[@sophiesbests3317]

Love this video sweetie- im getting to the stage of introducing the potty to my little one. And most videos i have found have been a manic battle to get it done and done fast. And i just know my son doesnt work like that, so this was super helpful x

[@SJ_Strum]

Sophie Grant hey Sophie; yes it’s good to just ease expectations sometimes and make the process a calm one for them. Evelina has done brilliantly and I can tell she has no anxiety or worries about it - she just goes off by herself for the toilet!!!! So cute xxxx

[@simonamckinnon9622]

Love this! I have a memory from when I was really tiny.. I was sitting on a potty and our whole(!) Family including my gran, uncles, aunts and my favourite teddy were cheering for me to do number two. I felt so horrible and once I finally did it they were clapping their hands and making such a big deal out of it I had issues going to the bathroom in public places for years! It still haunts me and now my mum is trying to do the same with my child. We are really into Montessori so it's not gonna happen,mum! 😀🙄

[@SJ_Strum]

Simona Gollova so strange isn’t it Simona!! How crazy you remember that - yeah it’s a totally different thing and a lot of children have worries about going to the toilet so could be why xxxx

[@walkinfaithnotbysight]

We've done child led and my 3.5 yr old (exactly) just went pee on the potty for the first time ever!!! 100% child led and he's so proud of himself. They really will do it on their own time-line!

[@thomsonclan5878]

In my house, I don’t use the word “potty” i prefer saying “toilet”

[@1120TaylorLautner]

SOMEGIRLJESS ON KZbin IS YOUR DOPPLEGANGER!!!

[@SJ_Strum]

SporadicallyCombust yes just looked her up!!! Xxx

[@tamsinp6895]

Please do Swahili names 💛

[@SJ_Strum]

tam polson great idea xx

[@semisemi9426]

don't make-up I think Everything's must be natural already you have a nice familia never think other person's comments Everything's must be natural

[@yanachmunevich1526]

Guess I’m 15...why am I watching this? I don’t even have a little cousin or anything

[@SJ_Strum]

RaT is ThE nAmE ahhh thanks for watching 🧡