10 Rules Of Positive Parenting for Better Behaviour | SJ STRUM

[@ChristineMurray93]

unconditional is the word you're looking for!

[@SJ_Strum]

Oh yes! haha ha! OMG I couldn't think of it - unconditional love! xx

[@rachelpaterson5089]

I’m not a parent yet but i really wants to raise my kids like this because I was raised by getting shouted at or hit when I did stuff wrong. I shouted at my mum once and she didn’t speak to me for a week like I never want to be like that as a parent

[@bethfisher3075]

I love this method so much!!! I can only DREAM of raising my children exactly like this, I’ll be coming back to your channel in about ten years time when I have my own!

[@sassysucculent6291]

Thank you . I don’t want to be the hateful mom anymore. My son (4yo) is SO headstrong and set in his ways. He’s very stubborn. I know these traits will get him far in life. But at the moment, it’s very hard to deal with and I get very frustrated (as does he). I want to learn to do better. I want to learn to handle MY emotions better so I can teach my babies how to handle theirs. I get upset but they aren’t allowed to ? That’s not fair. I appreciate this video.

[@theblissfulparent]

I could have written this comment. My son (now 5) is extremely stubborn and it's exhausting and frustrating yet I know it will serve him well as an adult. It's tough. Parenting is a rollercoaster!

[@loubyloudoodles1432]

I am in the same boat and i have a 4yr old boy and a 4 month old boy x

[@helenrose976]

totally get this with my 4yo too

[@helenrose976]

I'm so glad I'm not alone in headstrong 5yo. My daughter is so hard to redirect sometimes, it's tiring and staying calm is so hard lol

[@rayy2670]

Whew lately I say some weird things to my toddler. I know it's stupid and I don't even know why I do it. It's hard to be the person you expect yourself to be, when under pressure! I get so fed up about being angry and mad. We have harder phases that make me feel so inadequate as a parent. Sometime durig one of these phases I stopped my spiral whenever we where gettig there again, breathed, said my daughters name loudly, and then looked her in her eyes and told her 'I love you!'. No idea why I did that either but it has become our thing whever we are getting into a power srruggle we stop and tell eachother that we love eachother. (She started doing it to me very quickly, which I didn't intend to provoke)

[@SJ_Strum]

Aw that’s so so cute: you’ll probably always have that little ritual between you. Nobody can ever hear that they are loved too much; so I imagine she’ll treasure it. It’s so hard when we make mistakes and then feel guilty for how we speak to our children, I’ve had to go silent a lot this week to stop myself lecturing the kids on how ungrateful they are! When they are just kids and of course they’re just behaving like that - deep breaths!!! We’ll get through 🧡🧡🧡

[@Hugbryggen]

ooh this is so fun! My sister did that exact same thing the other day =D And we ended up just saying that we were both upset cause we miss each other because of "Corona". Thank you for sharing, love form a new mom of a 6month old =) -NIlle

[@theblissfulparent]

That's such a great idea! It disrupts that escalation and is a good reminder that even when you are frustrated with each other you always love each other. My son has taken to trying to upset me by saying "I don't love you anymore." And even when I'm angry I've always been able to say back, "Well, I still love you no matter what."

[@mrneonet]

I'm finding that I don't want to play/be with my children all day and I feel awful for it. Mornings are our best time for learning but every day the level of enthusiasm changes! My two are 5 and 9, and during lockdown they've loved Lego, colouring and making up stories together. Everything is an opportunity to learn, not just school work...and this time together is priceless despite being stressful.

[@SJ_Strum]

So true about this time together, that's great they've got into Lego. I've found the kids love playing together too! I've been taking myself away and reading a book or watching something I want to - the days are so so long and independent play is so good for them. I wouldn't feel awful for it at all; we're a family and each person matters including you and your alone time and self development time is just as important as theirs x

[@shawnamackie3937]

For setting limits I also love saying we like we can't jump off that BC we get hurt mommy will hurt BC seeing you get physically hurt will hurt my heart and you will get a big ouchee

[@missymissy8633]

Love 💓 Children are really saying Do you Love me am I Worthy am I Important. Thank you for this lesson 🙂

[@ssssshley]

I love that the comments section is such a place of no judgement ❤️❤️❤️🎁🎁🎁

[@colleenhanson2688]

Thank you for this! I admire you and am grateful that you're sharing with us.

[@SJ_Strum]

Ah thank you Colleen, I'm so grateful for these techniques now we're home together it gets so tough at times,. Hope you're all safe and well xxxx

[@lauraquinn3166]

Really needed this 3.5 years ago! This is going to help me hugely thank you

[@snaps4kappu]

Thanks, this is a great video. I love Daniel Tiger and watch it with my child. It teaches both the 3yo and 30yos at one go.

[@mummylife-gg1xn]

I'm sure these videos have made me better parent. I owe so much to you and your help! Xx

[@SJ_Strum]

mummylife 2019 ahh that’s so lovely of you to say; I love sharing videos on these topics as I find them so helpful myself as well xxxxx

[@phantomvampyressshadowkiss4690]

Thanks for the positivity videos , we all needed this from time to time. Also love your shirt. You look beautiful

[@SJ_Strum]

Oh thank you so much; I also need reminders or these tips so often! It's good to re-energise xx

[@phantomvampyressshadowkiss4690]

@@SJ_Strum you always bring so much light and positive top everyone .

[@alyslim5234]

this is amazing 🥺 i am definitely taking up this styling of parenting once i have children. i would like to ask if you have any books to recommend to read up on gentle parenting?

[@brittanyellery2051]

I'm going to be fostering in the near future and this advice is just amazing and so beautiful. I'm taking lots of notes. Are there any books you would recommend?

[@theblissfulparent]

That's awesome! I have cousins who were adopted from foster care and I see the need for people who care!

[@aslack6624]

I love your parenting style. Gentle parenting/positive parenting is something I strive towards as it really resonates with me. Your videos are very helpful. Thank you 💕

[@SJ_Strum]

Ah thanks so much; i love making these videos as it's a constant practise to keep calm and positive; especially at the moment! x

[@shaaakiraa]

I really take so much value out of these videos. Thankyou so much x

[@lean4354]

Oh thank you thank you SJ! I really appreciated watching this as a little reminder of all the things that we as loving parents want to be doing for a children, but in our sometimes frazzled cabin fevered lockdown state we forget! I really identified with you when you mentioned playing and laughing is also healing- so so true. Thank you as ever for the positive vibes and perspective. Best wishes to you and your lovely family at this surreal time. Xx

[@SJ_Strum]

Thanks so much Lea - it's very hard right now isn't it. I always need to keep reminding myself on how to be patient and how not to get run down by all the challenges of this time. It's a new week! Let's hope we all have a really nice one xxx

[@rsucentralcom722]

Great advice! Would you be able to expand more on play therapy like play out the annoyance?

[@jamiecountway6124]

Just found your channel and I love this video. Makes alot of sense to use these principles.

[@aliheffernan3425]

😍yesss. You are a role model

[@missymissy8633]

Thank you for sharing this video 🙂

[@iertjeee]

Thank you for this video, trying to learn new ways as a parent of 3, I know I can do better.

[@myhappychoice]

Totally agree with you! Thank you for sharing!

[@amytibble1611]

How do you cope if you adopt this style.but grandparents or close friends perhaps don't? Does this confuse or cause difficult behaviours? Is this something you've come across x

[@SJ_Strum]

Amy Tibble yes definitely with grandparents; and occasionally between me and my husband. I’ve just had to accept that my kids will have different relationships with people; like a grandparent might tell them off more for things I wouldn’t - but I trust the kids to understand that it’s different and how to adapt as I can’t change everyone. But also once when somebody yelled at one of my kids I made sure to stick up for them and said that’s not okay to talk like that and we walked away together. It was horrible on a family holiday - but I think showing solidarity for my child was important and a part of this style of parenting; you made a mistake yes - but it’s not ok for someone to yell at you and I won’t accept it. Xxxx

[@arcticangel4981]

Thank you!!

[@ascensioncano3606]

Thanks💖🙏

[@Naruto9tailedfox]

Thanks so much!, I needed this.

[@SJ_Strum]

Thanks so much for watching x

[@k.tharunraajdharshanraaj1727]

Pls put a subtitle in English..other languages people are not understand that's only..love from India

[@rayy2670]

Thanks! This aligns a lot with what I wish for us

[@michelleandtheboys2292]

Great video SJ thanks soo much found it very helpful 😊

[@SJ_Strum]

thanks for watching Patricia - it's so useful to be reminded of these principals isn't it x

[@tegan-annwall5166]

I am really interested in this style of parenting, I’m about to have a little boy (in 6ish days actually) I’m curious how you apply these to a very young child?

[@SJ_Strum]

Hi Tegan - ahhh how exciting! I've written a 'positive parenting' newborns as I definitely was very intentional as soon as I bought Freddie, my first baby home! Is he your first baby? xxxx

[@amandabeam1912]

Tegan-ann Wall look into respectful parenting from people like Magda Gerber

[@clarebeorhte]

Good luck with your birth! I hope all goes well.

[@tegan-annwall5166]

Yes this is my first ☺️ I’m actually going in tomorrow to have him (well to start it haha)

[@parentingbeyondbehaviours6382]

Try to find the best time for both of you and for babies just do what babies and mommies don

[@paigethefarrier6243]

That's was great thankyou

[@koalacrayola5914]

10 principles start at 2:04

[@chanellekearey2798]

Another great video! Do you have any book recommendations?x

[@SJ_Strum]

Chanelle Kearey I love How To Listen So Kids Will Talk and talk so kids will listen; really changed my way of being x

[@rachelballard9443]

What are the thoughts on rewards for potty training? We did that and it really helped when my child got bored with it (2 steps backward) and didn't want to go anymore (diaper is much more convenient for them).

[@lilygrace298]

I have a question. So you don’t ever punish your child when they do something bad out of anger? I don’t have kids, but in my mind wouldn’t that teach the child that lashing out in anger is okay? Just because a child is angry at you is doesn’t give them the right to be disrespectful, aggressive, or mean with their words. I’m not trying to criticize, I’m just wondering how do you teach emotional control in this style of parenting? Edit: I think this style of parenting is very loving and sweet. I’m just wondering how do you handle that particular situation.

[@SJ_Strum]

Lily Grace yes it’s definitely something I had to work out as my middle child gets angry a lot and will lash out - so I do say ‘it’s okay to be angry but it’s not ok to hurt other people or destroy a toy’ etc When he’s angry now I’ve spent ages teaching him to walk away before he gets to that point and he will now often do that; also I’ve had to say to my older son that his words are as bad as Finn’s kicking for example as that’s mainly what will cause it. So we say ‘if you’re making someone angry what do you do?’ And they say ‘stop’ so I guess just always trying to prevent it and teach them other ways. Finn likes to be alone to cool down so kind of takes himself away anyway x

[@lilygrace298]

SJ Strum thank you for clearing that up! I think that’s a great way to teach your kids.

[@parentingbeyondbehaviours6382]

You can be gentle and follow through with discipline your child will learn that their actions are not acceptable

[@paigeleighmua1874]

How do you handle backlash from family and friends that scoff at the idea of no timeouts and no spankings. I’ve gotten tons of backlash because I’ve chosen to be more gentle with my parenting. No timeouts, no hitting, no yelling. I say yes more often. And everyone has an opinion about it.

[@parentingbeyondbehaviours6382]

I think you just have to stick to your plan and not allow others to give backlash. I wouldn't pay them any mind

[@lizben3463]

Love this video ❤ this is the way I'm trying to raise my children too. Did you read Jesper Juul? He's written a lot of books on this. One of my fave authors on this topic is Nicola Schmidt, a German author but idk if any of her books have been translated into English.

[@SJ_Strum]

Oh I haven't but thank you I'll look them up - it's a great topic isn't it. I always find something I can use xx

[@VeronikaNovikova]

Thanks for your videos. Always trying to act differently after watching them. But sometimes I just don't know how to respond... For example "I won't let you stay up late because you need rest" my toddler "but I don't want, turns and continues playing" so what's next? Do you have any videos with samples of the hard situations like this?

[@SJ_Strum]

Veronika Novikova hey Veronica; I’ve done some positive discipline videos with examples of how / I have the same with a very stubborn 3 year old!! Really then it’s like play techniques so involving her like “your toys are so tired shall we take them to bed”. And we turn the lights off and watch for fairies etc. It’s like a master performance at time’s 😂 but if you find a game they like - Evelina loves the fairy game - she goes to bed happily x

[@VeronikaNovikova]

@@SJ_Strum thanks for the answer 🤗

[@CMThursdays]

“Unconditional” love, is that the word you were looking for?

[@jillianrixe]

I'd love to know some specific skills you use with a toddler.

[@SJ_Strum]

There's a toddler specific video linked in the description box xxx

[@daniellabinch9181]

This is really helpful but how would you do this with a 23 month old who super hormonal!? She’s too young to understand explanations and consequences

[@SJ_Strum]

Daniella Binch there’s a toddler specific version linked in the description which could be interesting? Yes definitely not worth introducing consequences now; discipline is all about teaching mainly so there’s tonnes of ways to do that in the other video xxxx

[@rubymcneil5693]

Freddie is so handsome!

[@SJ_Strum]

Ah thank you Ruby!

[@jennygreenway5524]

Hi, I love this and do try so hard to be this parent, what I’d like to know if your husband does the same and what would you say/ do if they don’t have the same parent style.. also could to do some tips for this specifically for toddlers, I’ve got a three year old ( just turned) and I’m trying to explain to her and she says sorry mama, which then breaks my heart but I don’t think she really knows why she’s saying sorry and then carries on or does that behavior again... I also have a four month old so I know I’ve got mum guilt if not spending all my time with her now I have her brother too.. which I think has been tough in her and of course on lockdown everything seems to be amplified so anything can set her off, she defo rules are house 🤣🤦🏼‍♀️ any help? X

[@SJ_Strum]

Jenny Greenway yes lockdown really amplifies so much doesn’t it; it’s so tough and awww yes I had that age gap with my three and it’s a juggle and hard not to feel guilty. I did a whole toddler video which is linked in the description box - lots of play ideas as well as playing out behaviour is great for toddlers. I always said to my husband how I wanted to do things and he’s been fine with it; we both have days where one of us is more frazzled and shouts but we don’t call each other up on it - my parents in law have said they had an issue with my parenting which was horrible!!!! But I just stuck to my guns and explain to my older children that they have different ways of looking after them but I’ll always have my kids back and stick up for them x

[@parentingbeyondbehaviours6382]

I agree she doesn't really understand what sorry truly means I tell my kids its ok to be sorry but try not to do it again and I redirect or be proactive to help them to keep their word

[@rachaelwilson9935]

💖

[@SJ_Strum]

xx

[@nataliyacenteno8521]

So I’m guessing this is the right Christian way to parent?

[@clairewillow6475]

Is that a serious question or snark? Hard to tell without tone lol

[@parentingbeyondbehaviours6382]

Interesting question

[@doyouhearthepeoplesing2]

why have 10 rules when all you need for this positive parenting crap is 1 rule and that is let your kids run wild with no rules, discipline, respect or education

[@2013RUL]

Positive discipline is discipline and rules without yelling or hitting

[@doyouhearthepeoplesing2]

@@2013RUL no it isnt

[@charlottetalbot661]

My husband and I try so hard to stick to positive discipline. Its so so difficult but it definitely pays off x x x

[@SJ_Strum]

Yes it's not that easy is it! Well not to be perfect at, but I feel like at least I'm trying and it prevents a huge amount of extra issues! xxx