How To Teach Kids Manners & Respect *not the way we were brought up! SJ STRUM gentle parenting

[@hannahburt6794]

Have you ever thought about writing a book? Or creating a reading list of recommended books where you follow certain guidelines. I don’t have children but hope to at some point in the next few years. I enjoy learning about these different techniques and I definitely feel like they’re more in line with how I feel I want to be as a parent vs my own parents.

[@SJ_Strum]

I’ll definitely film my best books I dip into - there are so many. Sarah Ockwell Smith is a great author for all things gentle parenting xx

[@krystynamelkowski]

I never used to get sent away if I was disrespectful, my mum used to say "I don't want to be around a child being disrespectful" and she would leave the room, it really worked as I instantly saw a reaction but it wasn't punishment, I would then chase after her to apologise and we would then talk it through together, felt very much like gentle parenting but there were still consequences..

[@SJ_Strum]

Ah that’s such a good thing to hear, I hope my kids feel like they always had me on side even when there were disagreements x

[@nicoles9373]

I especially love the idea of making sure that they know that no one deserves to be hit or called names in their own home. I see this as being so important later in life, and could really be impactful if someone finds themselves in an abusive relationship 💕

[@lydiamcdougall1093]

Hey SJ! I don't have kids yet, but the way I've been raised has really made me want to learn about and eventually use gentle parenting when I have kids of my own. I had no idea what it was until I discovered your channel, so thank you so much!

[@SJ_Strum]

I’ve absolutely loved learning about gentle parenting, it’s so nice to put into practise and see how much of a difference it makes xx

[@xSimSugar]

Love this. I found that my son began saying please and thank you on his own at the age of 3 and I was suprised at first and then I realised that myself and my husband say please and thank you to him all the time and thats when it clicked to me that modelling 100% works.

[@SJ_Strum]

Yes that’s so so true! I hear them say the funniest nice things back to me and makes me so happy when they do x

[@petraskvarc317]

kids don’t listen to us, they mirror us💕

[@kateblake321]

I love the way you phrase that nobody should be treated poorly in their own home! I’m a bit odd in that I don’t make my kids apologize. I can’t stand fake or forced apologies. I model by apologizing, and also point out when someone apologized and it helped me feel better. But I also give them the time and space to mean it before saying it. They’re also encouraged to do something to make it better rather than just saying sorry. Asking what the other person needs and doing that if they’re comfortable, or negotiating is a good skill to have.

[@angelenapulis9083]

This is the type of parenting I want to do when I’m a mom. Thank you so much for sharing!

[@dorkaballa-johnson1214]

Before I got pregnant (with my first) I mostly thought that your baby name videos would be the videos that would come in most useful to me if I was every expecting. Now that I'm actually pregnant I realize I want allllllll the parenting advice you can possibly give and these videos have become my absolute favorite!

[@corriewilliams6702]

Thanks for some good tips..My friend who is a play therapist said they she taught her children if they want to talk to her while she is talking to other adults they should come and put their hand on her arm, then she puts her hand on top of their hand in response to say 'I know you are waiting for me', until she is ready to answer them...I love this one and have started teaching my kids to do this

[@SJ_Strum]

Oh wow I love that so so much! xxx

[@blueobsidian1056]

My mother had us touch her elbow if we needed her while she was talking to someone. It was so much better than interrupting and she could help us as soon as she had a moment. I do remember occasionally being frustrated that she didn't respond quickly enough, though! She also was really good about not saying "no", she would say, "You can have ice cream after dinner" for example. Anticipating her child's needs and wants before they occur prevented so many issues! Allowing time for us to dress ourselves as toddlers, prioritizing our sleep schedules, etc. There were certainly things I'll do differently than my mother with my own kids (eventually) but that's something I'll take with me!

[@kimberleyjames2601]

thank you for posting this, Im a first time mum to my 8 month old daughter and i've been practicing gentle parenting with her. I grew up with very old fashioned mum and yes it did affect me during my childhood. I love my mum to pieces, we are close now and she is a great grandmother but a lot of childhood memories still affects me to this day :( I want my home to be a safe place for my daughter and enjoy being at home, feel comfortable with me! Love your videos. x

[@SJ_Strum]

I absolutely want this too, it’s the one thing I’d love to continue until they’re adults as well - just having that safety in your parents is so important xxx

[@EmLovey]

Also I should say something that was great for gently introducing please & thank-you in my house growing up was sign language- one of my sisters is partially deaf & the smaller ones always found it easier and a bit fun signing it. My one year old has recently picked it up & will occasionally ask for things by signing please (her auntie is thrillllled haha)

[@elcannotspell]

I've not heard about this new manners technique but it's definitely something I'll use when I have kids! I hated the whole 'learn please and thank you' I had growing up, as I had a speech/language delay and I struggled with sentence processing so I remember being around 4/5 and struggling to comprehend what someone was saying and how to respond - and then my Mum added to say please and thank you on top of all of that! It really made me struggle to speak to strangers. It's just a lot to remember when I have to decode every sentence when I listen to someone. Definitely with my kids I won't pressure them to learn it and just add manners at their own pace.

[@SJ_Strum]

Ah I’m glad you said that as I totally agree, being pulled up on an extra thing to remember is always that pressure - I still find it now! It takes away from things sometimes instead of adding to the enjoyment of things like a family meal xxx

[@honorcollins6962]

I really wish my parents took this approach when raising me and my siblings

[@mekocampuzano5030]

I love this everything about gentle parenting that you've shared makes me feel like your kids are going to go out and be good people. If/when I have children I would like to pursue this style of parenting.

[@merrionbellydansoh]

Please do more videos like this! I love the specific examples, definitely going to try implement them... I have a very strong willed but lovely toddler and a baby. The main thing I try to remind myself of is “am I doing this because I’m punishing her, or am I doing this to teach her?” It’s made such a difference. Now we have quiet time instead of time out and she’s started expressing her emotions soo much better and coming to me when she’s angry or upset rather than isolating herself

[@pippatyce5824]

I’ve probably read 20 parenting books this last year and I love gentle parenting. I also discovered- showing emotion and not being false with children is fundamentally important, as a child will learn through that and will give a child a better understanding. It’s a very complex subject, but modern parenting is definitely the way forward.

[@xchelseareads]

I’m new to gentle parenting (not a parent yet but I want to practice gentle parenting) and I’m really curious why gentle parenting suggests not prioritizing knocking on doors. When I grew up my parents always knocked on my bedroom door (because I really valued my privacy) and they expected the same of me. No criticism, just wondering why a parent would not knock on doors in their home? I just want to make an informed decision ☺️ great video! Love that it’s not a ‘shouty’ household. Makes home such a safer space.

[@rebeccatargett9785]

I really love your videos on this subject. You do have a wonderful way of putting your thoughts across and I find it very inspiring xxxx

[@SJ_Strum]

Thanks so much Rebecca, this is my favourite topic at the moment as I’m finding it such a help with the tough part of parenting at the moment xxx

[@HelenGraceC]

I completely agree! ❤️xx

[@thegoddess1694]

I agree wholeheartedly.

[@debbiesmith8523]

Lovely mum ❤

[@bethfisher3075]

Amazing advice!! I nodded along to most of this 😂 as a nanny to children being raised in quite a shouty home, I try my best to implement your techniques and I can definitely see respect growing for me x

[@annaclarebartlett6654]

The most wonderful content as ever. Well done SJ. I need as many of these positive parenting videos as possible, especially over lockdown. Also, you are glowing. So pretty. 😊

[@maike4833]

I really appreciate your input on gentle parenting as I plan to do it once I have kids! Growing up with a strict family, I want my future children to feel more understood and accepted. However, one thing I have to personally disagree with is sitting still at the table. I get really aggressive when people no matter what age cannot stop swinging their legs or fiddling stuff. I am sure though that there's a way to teach them to sit still during mealtime or a serious conversation without those certain phrases that triggered us as kids, haha. I also wouldn't expect my kids to accompany a three hour tea party session with my best friend because let's be real, I hated that as a child. Great Video as always SJ! Edit: what I meant about sitting still is that I'm very particular about doing it because that's how it's supposed to be. I don't know why it triggers me so much. But I personally also don't like to speak while eating so just quietly focusing on the food is very ingrained in me

[@christinak1194]

I love your positive discipline videos. I especially love the part about instead of punishing, ask them to make amends. You are a great mom!

[@dobetterwithchristian4472]

Not going to lie. When you first started talking I wa super skeptical. I'm from Texas where manners are super important. (Yes/no ma'am/sir, please and thank you, etc.) After actually listening to what you had to say, I see how the strategies you use helps to raise functional adults rather than simply obedient kids. Will definitely be discussing with the hubs. Thanks for sharing!

[@alexwholey3391]

Great video. I do try to re enforce please and thank you in our house by saying it to my kids when they do something. If you didn’t say it in our house growing up it was the height of rudeness. It still is. As is complimenting a meal, ie. saying you enjoy it, or that it’s tasty or not! My husband is more lenient with that, in fact I’m on at him if he doesn’t say anything! But that’s the difference in our upbringings. I also don’t encourage it because she’s not yet five, but my eldest likes to help clear the table and load the dishwasher.

[@BrianDonato]

Awesome content - Always great to see another parent share perspectives on KZbin. I did a parenting series months back on my channel too (playlist on home page) - I hope we motivate, inspire, and inform parents out there! Just subscribed to your channel also - KZbinrs like yourself should be highlighted more

[@ellenckoka6283]

Thank you for sharingthis. There are so many situations that you described I can relate to. your advice will hopefully help me to be aware of my own reaction and choice of words. Especially teaching patience to my 4 year old

[@HelenGraceC]

Hi SJ ❤️ I just so so love the ethos of gentle parenting and really keen to learn more! So I love your videos on them. You always explain so well also ❤️ xxx

[@SJ_Strum]

Thanks so much Helen, it’s such an interesting topic to me and helps me so much day to day, whenever it’s bubbling up I just think of gentle parenting ideas and it always defuses things so quickly x

[@HelenGraceC]

@@SJ_Strum thank you so much for replying. Its great that it’s helping you so much xx

[@martanagyova1476]

That's all nice and I total agree with you, but my husband have very little patience with our 2yo, so I often have to manage him how to tread the little one plus manage the little one...

[@Gracielooks]

My husband also has a different approach & thinks I’m being silly. Stick with it, your connection to your child is the most important thing, not their ‘perfect’ behaviour.

[@mrskfk6492]

Insightful and inspiring as always, SJ! ⭐️

[@nora_julia]

I agree! Love this video! 🤗💜

[@SJ_Strum]

Thanks so much Nora x

[@VictoriaJoly]

Hi SJ, am new to your channel! Totally agree with you, manners are so important and as a mum I feel judged by how my child acts; also I am English, live in France and married to a Frenchman and there is DEFINITELY a cultural difference in manners (what is acceptable) and how to address them. Was binge watching a load of your baby name videos! Am expecting baby n#2 end of June/beginning July. Am struggling to find a name both of us agree to, we already have a beautiful Lucy Rose and am not yet sure if she will be having a baby brother or sister yet. I'm trying to find names that sound the same in both languages....not easy! X

[@elizabetha9630]

I have no children of my own (yet🤞🏼) but I work with 2 and 3 year olds in a nursery and live your tips!!

[@freakindream]

this video has been so helpful, I have actually used a lot of your advice and can see the progress and the behaviour getting better! :) Thanks xxx

[@alilawrence4689]

I love your gentle parenting videos, I try to install this with my little one, I just find it difficult as I think he father and I both have very different ideas on parenting, he’s very military old school style shouty and unfortunately I feel that has a negative influence on our little ones behaviour, so challenging as he will tell me I’m just being to soft! Xx

[@addelynrose5477]

can you do common middle names for girls please

[@Ejcfarley]

Great tips SJ - I am definitely finding my 5 year old daughters behaviour isn't so great now homeschooling is happening again. My kids school is an academy and the schedule is a full day of work and its so intense with the assignments they are set and their engagement with all the lessons is monitored. It's pretty rigid and stressful tbh. We're hanging on but it's definitely challenging. I hope you're all well and safe! 😊 Xx

[@SJ_Strum]

Omg it’s a lot stricter with ours too this time around - and I need more breaks in the day just to take a quiet moment and not be learning and uploading....the kids are doing so well considering xxxx

[@Ejcfarley]

@@SJ_Strum yessss! My kids school is an academy and it was intense enough last time with the whole day of lessons and work and having to send proof of all the work each day but now they’ve really upped the workload and made it even stricter and multiple registrations a day. My daughter is somewhat of a wild child and whilst she loves actual school - I believe she really struggles to engage via a screen and she rebels a lot against doing the assignments with me so I feel really pressured to get work out of her and it’s just so stressful because I’m more concerned about their mental health. I appreciate the content and technology we’ve been able to utilise but really I think it’s too much. Just taking it day by day and trying to give them as many chances to relax and play as poss. 😰

[@dmallow22]

I love all this! I am not a parent but am currently babysitting for a family worh an almost 3 yr old and 5 yr old. I read some stuff on hitting and have implemented saying "I wont allow". But any other tips. He seems too young to understand why it's bad so I'm not sure what else to do with him to keep him from hitting (mostly his sister, the cat, and me).

[@EmLovey]

Love this so much. My parents were biiiig on manners! I’d love to know how you introduced sharing when you just had Freddie. I’m struggling with my 1 year old as we can’t play with anyone! She loves to share her food with us but finds it very hard to share toys or books x

[@em_carr]

Loved your tips! I want to be a teacher with younger kids and I help look after small children. If you don't mind me asking how would you feel as a parent if you were being told by a child that you have done something wrong and if that did happen how would you have wanted the child to tell you they felt that way?

[@annabelguiuan4941]

Heyy sj strum, I'm a fan from philippines 🥰💖🇵🇭

[@kailinngillen1182]

How do you teach consequences versus actions?

[@mollyx9215]

Hey SJ! I do not have any children but my mum has recently been struggling with my younger brothers behaviour. At night time he sometimes doesn’t want to go to bed. I have tried to help my brother but nothing helps. Have you ever had any issues with your children and do you have any ideas for me? Btw I love your eye spy idea!💕

[@kathleenbolanos]

I love your parenting style and want to model it myself. I am early on in parenting, an 18 mo old and a surprise baby on the way. My son will be 2 when the LO joins our family and I am massively anxious about making sure he doesnt feel forgotten or ignored etc. And am also nervous as to whether or not I'll be able to give my 2 year old all the attention he'll need during such a key year in their development. I dont want to dread that stage, I want to find the good and love it!! But I'm so worried that I'll be busy tired stressed, who knows what, and end up not being able to give him a ll he needs to support him through all that's coming.. Did you find the 2's to be as hard as everyone says? Any advice?

[@Jbird54247]

Hey SJ I hope you're okay, what do you think about time out? So rather than a punishment you make them sit and reflect or clam down and tell them why before you go and address the situation with them at length. I found this was a good technique with my nephew but have heard some people don't like the idea of this.

[@aprilnewton_x]

Hi SJ and other baby name enthusiasts, i am a teen who is obsessed with baby names and i like names that to me have a spanish sounding edge my favourite is Azalea i lovee this and i either want some other Spanish sounding boy and girls names or Middle names for Azalea or other spanish names thanks guys

[@kailinngillen1182]

What techniques do you use to teach your children self control?

[@buildingamystery74]

I like the idea of teaching kids genuine gratitude rather than manners and politeness. Both have value but I think teaching kids to identify why they feel grateful is important.